It's as if time has chosen to go against me. I try my hardest not to blink, because whenever I do, days seem to go by. Time is dangerous. I feel like I've run out of time, like I have nothing to look forward to anymore. Nothing really has meaning. I have to shake these thoughts out of my head. I can't keep this up, because it makes everything so much harder to control. But, it's like I don't have control anymore, and I never will.

Mom always knows when there's something wrong. She can sense my pain just as I can hers. If she touches my body, she knows if there's been a change. She's going to know about me, what I've been doing and what I've done. She's going to sense my panic, and the deep sadness I wasn't expecting to feel.

Two weeks, two dreadful weeks have gone past. I blinked too much, let time just fly past me before realizing I was going to have to face my mother and all of District 12 for a whole night. They'd know all about me. They'll know that I've done what I wasn't supposed to do.

What if they judge me? What if they think I'm a bad girl for having sex?

I want to let it go, but I'm sad. Eternally sad, and I don't even know why. I got the result that I wanted, but I was kind of desperate to expect the complete opposite. Everything happens for a reason, and I guess this is just something I'm going to have to get on with. It's not like there's much to do about it.

We've finally made it to the last of the tour, my home. I know everyone's excited for the huge feast that's already started in my honor. While they're celebrating me, though, they're also mourning the loss of my sister. If course, everyone would rather celebrate and eat rather than sit around, angry at the world, but people liked her. Plus, it's not like anyone really knew Katniss on a personal level. She really kept to herself, didn't have any friends other than Gale, and she mostly remained alone, even in school. Of course people would be upset, but it would pass.

Now that I've thought about it, I've completely forgotten about Gale. I wonder how he's been holding up. The last time I saw him was the Reaping. He was non-existent for the short time I visited. I hope he's doing okay. He and Katniss had a really close relationship, the two of them being inseparable since Daddy died. I'm hoping he's moved on, found someone else, maybe even a girl.

All the while that I'm consumed inside my own head, Effie's by my side, rambling along about the party we were only twenty minutes away from, and surprisingly, how excited she was to finally meet my mother. I had no clue that Effie even knew my mother's first name, and here she is, talking about all the things she's learned from me about my Mom. I guess I never realized how much I talk about her. I hadn't even noticed I talked about her at all.

My hands were shaking, only making my belly tighten into knots even more. The sky had already turned a deep, midnight blue, stars spilling along the beautiful horizon in their haphazardly natural way. I recall trying to count them all with Daddy. We would sit out on the porch and count as many as we could before I started nodding off to sleep. I could barely count to ten, and I didn't know back then that I was probably counting the same stars over every night, but he always made me seem like I was making progress, remembering the number I ended on the night before so I can start up from there. This is one of the few precious memories I had of my father, and I hold it dearly.

Being a dad is a lot of work, and takes so much responsibility, but not as much as being a Mommy. Cato will make the perfect dad to his baby. He's going to spoil the baby up until the day it gets married. Sometimes I really miss my dad, even though I don't really remember too much about him. He was always there, and then one day, he wasn't. That's how I figured something had happened to him.

Well, now I'm even more sad.

My emotions have gone on this wild roller-coaster. I've gone from sad to happy to angry in merely an hour for the past week. I've done nothing but think of what makes me happy, and then that just turns to sadness and anger and crying all at once. Cato tries to console me, but nothing really works. I need to get a hold of myself. Mom can't know that there is anything wrong. I have to pretend to be my same old self, not someone who's changed.

"Oh, we're pulling in now!" Effie squeals in joy, lips right next to my ear. I can hear the faint cheers of my home, my family waiting for me to arrive. "Come, darling, it's time to get to the real fun."

"Okay, Effie, I'm coming," I mumbled before she had the chance to yank me alongside of her. She was more excited than I am to get there.

As the train screeched to its halt in the station, I sensed Cato's presence behind me. For the past two weeks, we haven't really talked much, but Cato knew not to say much to me. I needed time to think about all of this, how I'm going to approach it now and in the future. I didn't know what to think of him now, or myself, for that matter. I just needed some time to myself, and even though it angered him, he's granted me my wish.

I can see from the window that people are rushing toward my train, everyone holding primroses I'm sure they snuck off to the lake to gather just for me. They're smiling, waving, throwing the flowers and blowing kisses at me through the door. They can see me, I can see them, and they're excitement just makes me smile. As the doors open, I'm literally swarmed with love, happiness and pure ecstasy. Effie and Cato stay close by my side, but let me venture out into the crowd, hugging old friends from school, people I've had small talk with, and people I've never even seen before.

There were artificial stars hanging all around the Seam, casting a yellow tint onto the joyous faces of all those around me. Cato stayed close, always keeping a hand on my waist just in case someone went a little foo far with touching me. Since the tour started, he's acted as my personal bodyguard.

My eyes searched desperately for my Mother, but I knew she wasn't there. She was still as home, waiting for me so that we can have our alone time, away from all the spying eyes. So until I go to see her, I would just have to enjoy the short amount of time I have at my own party.

Loud music began blaring through speakers set up, and as I made my way to the makeshift dance floor, my eyes set on the buffet. I had been eternally hungry for about a week now, nothing being able to satisfy my appetite. Luckily I hadn't added on any weight.

After stuffing myself with the endless amount of sweets, I felt my hand being tugged. My eyes trained in on Cato, who was looking at me with a fire in his eyes. "Dance with me," he said. He had to lean down and yell it into my ear on account of how loud it was.

"Right now?" Cato's eyes were mildly glossy, which means he must have already had a drink.

"Yeah, dance with me baby."

I nodded and let him pull me into the middle of the dance floor, pushing past people who had had way too much to drink already. The lights beamed down on us much more than the moonlight, lighting stinging my skin. I was flushed, much too nervous. I've never danced before, the last time being with my Daddy, my small feet resting on top of his as he waltzed us around the tiny living room.

"Cato, I can't dance!" I shout in his ear. People turn and see me, causing them to turn and cheer me on. They want me to join the party, have some fun, let loose. I've never done that before; how does one 'let loose'?

Cato doesn't hear me, just pulls me to him and moves along to the music pulsating through the huge black speakers that were seconds away from vibrating right onto the floor. He starts to move, and that's when I learn that Cato can dance, and I do mean really dance. Cato sways along to the beat, making sure to grip onto my hips tightly. He moved my body along with his, making it so I didn't really have to put in much effort. After resisting for a while, it became easier to just try and have fun. Cato wasn't giving me the choice to back out.

Halfway through the night, Maggie, my best friend in this whole world, shimmies up to my side and I almost faint at the sight of her.

I push myself off of Cato and squeeze her into my arms, promising never to let go again (even though we know I will).

We shove our way through the packed crowd dancing its troubles away and make it to the buffet, where I pop a piece of cheese into my mouth and hug Maggie again. She's matured so much since I last saw her. Her figure filled out more, her blue eyes became even bluer, and her brown hair grew long, almost to my length. She is beautiful in the most understated way. We were literally twins in every aspect of life, which is why we are best friends.

"Prim! You have no idea how much I've missed you!" she screams as she's squeezing me tight. "It hasn't been the same without you. I don't know how I've gotten through these months."

"I know, Maggie. And I'm so sorry I couldn't see you when I visited last. I just really wanted to visit my family." I apologized even though I knew that Maggie didn't mind one bit. She knew I had to prioritize, but now I have more time. I can spend all night with her if I wanted to.

Maggie shrugs, just as I suspected. "There's so much gossip that I need to catch you up on. It'll probably take a whole month for me to get through it all."

"Okay, but first, I need the details about Ryan! Has he made a move yet?" Ryan is the guy Maggie has had a crush on since Grade 3, after he gave her half his lunch when she didn't have any. She's been fawning over him since then, it not being very hard with how attractive he is now.

Maggie smiles slyly, and I know something happened. If only I was here to watch it all go down. "He kissed me after Lissa's birthday party last month."

I gasped like it was the most important thing on earth.

Maggie nodded furiously, adding, "I know! But there's been a dry spell since then. I don't know what the hell happened, it was just, like, I-"

Just then, Cato approaches us, smiling broadly while gulping down the last of his beer. He scoops me into his arm, placing a lazy kiss onto my forehead. I almost forgot about him after finding Maggie.

Maggie stares at me semi-angrily, and, reading her mind of course, I know she's angry at me for not introducing and spilling all the beans sooner.

"Maggie, this is Cato, my boyfriend. Cato, meet my best friend, Maggie," I mumble, keeping my eyes trained on the ground to avoid the stare of death.

"Sup?" Cato nods and burps in her face. I slap him lightly across the jaw.

Maggie laughs, fanning her face. "Yo," she responds coolly.

Cato reaches over me, grabbing two beers before walking off, shouting that I should meet him back on the dance floor. He must be swallowing the darn things whole at the rate he's going. Guess I'm gonna have to babysit him tonight.

"So, how are you? With, you know..."

With Katniss.

"What happened with that? She and your mom were being escorted out of the house one and your mom came back alone."

Mom, I completely forgot to find my Mom.

"Have you seen my mom?" I ask, ignoring her question.

Maggie nods while picking up a turkey sandwich. "She's at home. She hasn't really come out much since..."

"Thanks," I cut her off. "Listen, I'll drop by tomorrow, okay?"

There's another nod from Maggie, and she's already walking away. "Don't be a stranger!" she calls over her shoulder.

I wave until she's disappeared, and then go searching for Cato before he completely self destructs. I find him and yank him away from the alcoholic beverages, causing him to whine in discontent.

"I was just about to get a margarita, babe!" he cries, reaching for the table as it got further away.

"I know, I know," I mumble, wrapping an arm around him as we stumble forward, getting closer to my home. I left Effie behind, but we get to spend the night, so I don't have to see her for a while.

"You know, I love beer," Cato says, staring at the ground. "It's so nice, isn't it?"

"Yes, beer is nice."

"Yeah." Cato nods, a sweet smile on his face. "It is, isn't it? So nice."

"How many have you had?" We'd only been here for about an hour, maybe a little bit more.

"Um." He frowns. "I think, maybe, like, almost 12."

"Really?!"

"Yeah. It makes me feel so tingly inside. Everyone here is so nice, right?"

"Yes, everyone is so nice."

"Yeah." Cato starts pulling at my hair, sniffing it. "Your hair smells nice. It's so soft, like silk. You're so nice, do you know that?"

I nod. Drunk people really are cute, especially this one.

"Yeah," he repeats for the umpteenth time. "You're so nice. You let me kiss you, and hug you, and fuck you, even though it's been a month since that-"

"Okay, Cato. I know, I'm nice."

"Yeah." There it goes again. Good, three more blocks. "You are. You are so nice. You have such a nice ass. It's perfectly round, you know? And it's very jiggly. And those tits, wow, those are real nice, especially when they're in my fac-"

"Cato, stop talking. We're here." Mother cannot hear him say those things.

I have to push him up the steps and get the door open before he collapsed on me. Once we're inside, I drop Cato onto the couch. He bursts into a fit of laughter as I kissed his forehead.

"Mom?!" I yelled out into the open air. "Mom, are you here?"

I didn't get an answer, just silence and the crackle of our fireplace.

"Hey, Rose," Cato whispers loudly. "Hey, hey Rose!"

I turned my attention back to him, just for a second. "Yes?"

Cato rubs his hand onto the soft fabric of the couch, smiling down at the material as though he was in love. "This couch is really soft, right? How do you think it would feel if I fucked you on it?"

"Cato!" Goodness, what if my mother can hear him?

Cato bursts into shameless laughter. "Sorry, sorry. I meant make love."

"Cato, please, my mom might hear you!"

"Hear what?" My mom appeared at the kitchen door, wiping her hands on a towel.

I couldn't help but smile at how composed she is. I expected much worse from her: tears, yelling and a whole lot of drama.

"Mother." I reached to pull her into a hug, and she returned it with a loving firmness.

It felt so good in her arms. There was nothing better than the feeling of a mothers hug after feeling so much unwarranted sadness. I was engulfed in her warmth, her love and hopefully understanding, after what I have to tell her. Of what I may not even have to tell her because she knows me so well. Of course Cato makes me comfortable, but mom just has this aura that instantly makes my mind lay down.

Mom pulled me away and reached her arms to Cato. He smiled lazily and reached to hug her tight. "Hi, baby," she says to him like he's her very own child. She must like him a lot.

"Hiiii." Cato holds her at arms length. "You're so nice, you know that? You are, yeah." He nods to put emphasis on the thousand yeah's he's already used today, his drunken trademark.

Mom smiles, frowning at me in confusion. "He partied a little too hard tonight."

"Oh." She pats him on the back gently. "Well, let's get you to bed."

"Mom, it's fine. I can take him up."

Mom shakes her head, picking up Cato and pulling him close to her. He smiles brightly, his reddened cheeks stretched. "No, I want to. He reminds me so much of Katniss."

"What?"

"He's so stubborn, but completely driven. He pretends to be angry with the world, even though he secretly loves the thought of being in it. And he will do absolutely anything to protect the people that he loves, even if that means breaking the law."

She's right. He's the male version of my sister. I cannot deny it. I see her in him, which is why I think of her so much whenever he's around. That's probably why they clashed so much. They were so much alike that it tore them apart when having to decide who got to have me.

"Wait til you become a Mom. You'll see that you can feel the same love for anyone if you ever lose your babies, just as I lost mine." Mom smiles sadly, and I know she's saying that she lost the both of us; Katniss literally, and me figuratively. I'm not her baby anymore, and she knows that.

If Katniss was here, should would be the most amazing aunt, just as I know Cato would be the perfect Daddy. I glance at his picture over the fireplace, smiling at the kind eyes of the man I miss more than this world, even though he wasn't with him for long. When we do have kids, Cato's going to be wondrous, maybe even more so than my own Daddy was.

I look at my Mom, who is staring at me bewilderingly, and that's when I realize that I'm shielding my belly, my arms wrapped protectively over it. I would protect my baby til the end of the earth.

"Wait, Primrose. Are you- Can you be-?"

"No, Mother." Tears threaten to escape my eyes. "No, I'm not."

Is this a kick-ass update, or did I just disappoint you once again? I hope not. Hopefully I'm back for good and won't fall back into the ground again. I am still pulling myself up, but it's not working. I'm going back to school soon, and school always cheers me up, so let's see.

Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter, and the big reveal. Keep reading, there's a BONUS chapter for you guys after this.

Vote, comment, share, follow and thank you so much for reading!

Cheers. Laters, baby.

Myesha xx