"Why are you looking there?" I ask, all innocent-like, because her eyes are firmly fixed on my groin.
"Because I'm just trying to steel myself for the inevitable. Come on – I'm waiting." And she's sounding quite impatient, I notice. One might even say excited. That's interesting…
It's a struggle to keep a straight face, but somehow I manage. "Do you know, Kensi – sometimes I think you only want me for my body."
"It's a pretty great body," she admits. Her eyes have still not moved.
"Yeah, but there are other bits of me too. Like my face."
That confuses her. "Your face?" Finally, she looks up at me.
"Uh huh. How about you look a bit more closely? Notice anything?" Clearly not. I wait another ten seconds but there is no dawning realization. Come on, Kensi: the clues are all there.
"Kensi – I didn't just shave off my beard. I shaved off my moustache too."
It's a good thing I've still got quick reactions, because I have to duck pretty sharpish to avoid the pillow Kensi throws at me.
"That's not fair. That was so totally not fair."
"I had you going though, didn't I?"
"Just you wait, Marty Deeks. Just you wait," she vows, between gritted teeth. "I'm going to get you for this."
"You mean for finding out you want to shave my junk?"
A smug smile creeps across her face. "I didn't say that. I mean, I might have been kind of curious to see what you would look like all bare down there, but I never said I wanted to shave you. Sounds a lot like you're projecting your fantasies onto me, mister."
I look her straight in the eyes. "It would be one way of passing a rainy afternoon." Especially if I could return the favour.
"True." Kensi turns and looks out of the window. "What a pity it's not raining."
"Isn't it just?" I may have created a monster here. However, it's important to keep an open mind about things. Never say never and all, that, because you just never really know, do you?
"Just out of interest, what did you use to shave with?" she asks.
"A razor." What else would I have used? A kitchen knife?
A resigned expression slips across her face. "You used my razor, didn't you?"
"It was pink, yeah." Not that I gave it much thought, to be perfectly honest. It was just a razor. Although if you'd asked me, I actually would have thought Kensi would have been the type to wax. The things you learn about your girlfriend.
"Great. You could have asked me. It's going to be really blunt, isn't it?"
"So blunt it's in the bin," I admit.
"Typical. Come here." Kensi pats the bed invitingly. "Let me see how good a job you've done." She looks closely, scrunching her eyes up and then runs her hand down my cheek. "Baby soft. You look a lot younger."
"Want to see how it feels kissing a younger man?" I don't actually give her an option.
"It feels like I'm cheating," Kensi announces some time later. "Like I'm kissing somebody completely different. Maybe we should do that again? Just so I can get used to the new you?"
I'm hardly likely to object, am I? And anyway, she'd better make the most of it while she can, because I don't plan to shave again in the foreseeable future.
"I'm not sure about this," Kensi murmurs as we get out of the car. "I mean, what if someone sees us? What are they going to think?"
Oh God. I thought we'd got over all this. "That we're two people going into a pharmacy?"
She ignores me. "They'll think I'm a cougar, that's what they'll think. Because you look about twenty two when you're clean-shaven."
Actually, that's one of the reasons I normally have stubble. I got fed up being carded all the time. And then there's the fact I've got better things to do with my time that shave. "Ha ha. funny."
"I thought so."
"So you'll get lots of envious stares? No change there then. You'd better just get used to it."
"You're not that cute, Deeks."
"Can I help it if you think so?"
Honours even, we go inside the pharmacy, and I lurk around the vitamin supplements, trying to look fascinated by ginko extract and starflower oil, while Kensi makes her purchases. They've actually got some pretty good deals on herbal remedies and I'm seriously considering investing in some ginseng, just until I'm back to my normal fitness, when Kensi virtually frog-marches me outside again.
"The day's wasting, Deeks. And I'm hungry."
Kensi with low-blood sugar is not a pretty sight, believe me, so I heed the warning and suggest we go for some lunch. And then I've got in mind to do a little shopping – so I can buy her a souvenir of our time here. Something slightly more romantic than a kite. I'm thinking along the lines of a pair of earrings, so I keep glancing in the windows of any jewellery shops we pass. So there we are, walking along and holding hands when all of a sudden there is a joyful yelp and this bundle of fur comes barreling up the street at a great rate of knots and then launches itself straight at my chest. Clearly, my reflexes aren't quite as good as I thought they were, because I go flying backwards, crashing down onto the concrete with a feeling of deja vu as my head makes contact with an audible crack and the world immediately goes a disconcerting shade of red. Who would have thought Monty could move quite so fast, far less jump up at me like that? And what the hell is he doing here in Carmel in the first place?
"Marty?" I can't actually focus, but I'd know Kensi's voice anywhere. She sounds sick with worry, and I feel sick too. You know when you're on a fairground ride and there comes a point when you'd give anything for it to stop, because know you are going to throw up if it makes one more revolution? That's how I feel right now. Along with the fact that it feels like someone just took a sledgehammer to the back of my skull. Again.
There's something warm and wet on my cheek, and I realise it's Monty licking me, and giving anxious little whimpers at the same time. Kensi is gripping my hand so hard that I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be able to use it normally again.
"I'm okay. I think." The world isn't spinning quite so fast now, and the red mist is starting to clear. I'm seeing double, but who wouldn't want to see two of Kensi? I try to sit up, only this hand on my chest pushes me firmly back down again.
"Don't even think about it, Deeks."
Sam? What the hell is Sam doing here? Clearly, resistance is futile, so I just lie there on the sidewalk feeling like time has rewound itself all over again. And then it hits me: we've been found out and Kensi is going to be so mad. I might as well just give up now, because I'm a dead man.
"Call an ambulance, Sam. He needs to go to hospital."
Why do people insist on talking about me as if I'm not here? "I don't need to go to hospital."
"Shut up, Deeks."
Okay, I think I might have hit my head harder that I thought, because now I'm hearing double – if that's possible. That sounded awfully like Sam and Callen talking in chorus. I open one eye cautiously and squint up, to see both of them staring down at me. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they just have and I kind of give a moan. Bad move. They both drop down onto their knees on the sidewalk, like they think I'm going to peg out on them at any second.
14. Gather.
Get together in groups for some new fun. Get a few couples together for a dinner, or let him tag along on a night out with your friends. Mixing up the crowd and making the group as diverse a possible puts the players (you and your honey) in a new scenario. You may discover a side to your lover you never saw before one-on-one and it could make you fall in love with them all over again.
"I really am fine," I protest, but of course they're having none of it. This is getting seriously embarrassing – there's a crowd gathering around us. The only good thing to be said about the whole situation is that Hetty isn't here. Yet.
"That skull fracture isn't healed yet," Callen says firmly.
"And we're not taking any chances. I'm not letting you take any chances – not now. Okay?" Kensi is sounding fierce, but she's smiling down at me. And then she bends over and kisses me on the cheek. "So just humour me, okay?"
"Okay. If that's what you want." Well, I'd do anything for her, wouldn't I? this wasn't quite the way either of us had planned on telling the guys, but they don't actually seem that bothered. Maybe this is the way to break news – by potentially giving yourself brain damage? It's a bit drastic, but it does seem to work.
"That's what I want. I just want you to be okay," Kensi says, and then she kisses me again. I'm definitely feeling better, because I manage to move my head so that she's kissing my lips and I'm kissing her back. Callen makes this funny noise in the back of his throat and Sam just starts to chuckle.
"Put the man down, Kensi. If you don't let him come up for air soon, you're going to have to give him mouth-to-mouth."
"Shut up, Sam."
"Will someone get hold of Monty's lead? I don't want him running off."
I manage to sit up this time, only that was clearly a mistake, because things start to go very wrong at this point. It's hard to hear what people are saying, as if the sound is being turned down on the TV and my vision goes funny too – so I seem to be staring down this tunnel. The darkness keeps encroaching until I can't resist it any longer.