No Excuses 4 - Logic

Okay, shall we see what mindless fluff I spit out now? Yes? Okay then! We'll pick up only a little while after the last chapter ended.

Raven closed her book and sighed. She had never felt so comfortable... and that made her feel a little guilty as that comfort came from the almost tangible aura emanating from Beast Boy. As it surrounded her, she could feel his warmth, his love for his friends and, more specifically, the passionate love he held for Raven herself. She had already rejected him (as gently as possible), told him she couldn't return his feelings. Logically, she should have a clear conscience... but love and logic rarely mix. Externally, none of these emotions affected her expression as she gazed at the city through the window. She glanced toward the kitchen, seeing Starfire was now alone. Raven stood and made her way to the alien. She was gently singing in her native language as she prepared food for her pet, Silkie.

"Stafire?" Raven said, trying to get her attention. Starfire turned and beamed at her friend, still working on the meal.

"Friend Raven! You would like to speak to me?" she asked. Raven nodded and leaned against the countertop, making sure the boys weren't listening in.

"I... need to apologise. For my behaviour in your room yesterday. It's not like me to panic like that and I'm sorry you had to deal with it," Raven said. Starfire shook her head.

"Raven, you need not apologise for merely requiring assistance. I confess that, at first I did not want to involve myself... but that was because I doubted I could contain Beast Boy's secret within myself." Raven felt Happy giggle in appreciation of Starfire's speech - she liked the way the alien princess spoke, even if it was occasionally difficult to decipher.

"Well... thank you, Starfire," Raven said, simply, her tiny smile gracing her features. Starfire returned it with a dazzling smile.

"You are welcome, Raven. You are correct when you say it was unlike you, however... may I ask what caused it?" Starfire asked, innocently, a hint of concern in her brilliant, green eyes. Raven debated with herself... did she want to discuss this? Did she want to keep it secret? She looked at Starfire again and sighed... even she struggled to lie to that face.

"You know of my emotions, yes?" Starfire nodded. "Good. Timid was... startled. And she inadvertently fed that panic to me," Raven explained.

"What startled her that badly?" Starfire asked, causing Raven to hesitate again before continuing.

"Well... don't take this the wrong way, Star!... when Beast Boy kissed me last night, Happy and Affection... got excited. And they were with Timid." Starfire's eyes were a little wider but she remained calm.

"Um...'excited'?... Raven?" she asked.

"Not like that, Starfire... Happy was pleased we got a first kiss against all expectations and Affection, she is... she is a hopeless romantic." Starfire giggled. "And she appreciates that Beast Boy cares for us in that way," Raven said, still maintaining her neutral expression. Starfire nodded, though her expression betrayed her slight confusion.

"I do not understand, Raven: you did not expect to receive a first kiss? Ever?" Raven nodded. "But why?" she asked, concern evident now. Raven sighed again.

"Let's be honest, Starfire... I'm not really girlfriend material. I don't imagine anyone would want to kiss a demon. I'm just being realistic." Starfire smiled awkwardly at Raven.

"But... has Beast Boy not just expressed such interest in you? Perhaps your assumption was wrong," Starfire suggested. Raven pondered for a moment.

"Hmmm... I suspect Beast Boy might be the exception. He is, after all, in a class of his own," Raven muttered. Starfire giggled at the sarcasm. It was familiar, showing Raven and Beast Boy's friendship remained intact.

"You are saying he is unique?" Starfire asked, teasingly. Raven huffed, artfully.

"Pfff. Uniquely stupid. His... infatuation with someone like me defies all logic and reason," Raven said. Starfire frowned - her friend was not ready to let go of her idea that she was 'un-loveable', despite the very green evidence to the contrary.

"Logic and love rarely mix, Raven... for anyone," Starfire said before floating off to find Silkie. Raven did a double-take at Starfire's vocalisation of her thoughts from earlier. Her daily routine returned to normal after that: she read, she meditated, she read some more, she ate with her friends, she fought a supervillain with her friends, she ate with her friends again, she meditated for a little while before preparing for bed and went to sleep. There had been one new wrinkle to her life, though... somehow, Raven had been unable to let go of Beast Boy's aura. This wasn't necessarily bad or intrusive but now he was like a shining beacon to her empathic senses. She knew that, right now, she could find him anywhere in the city. Possibly in the world. Even when she was far from him (she had returned home first from the battle while the others purchased the night's pizza) she had felt him, like something you see from the corner of your eye. It actually aided her a little during the fight: when a cloud of dust got in her eyes and she was unable to see for a shirt while, she had found her way to Beast Boy's side and he found her a safe spot to try and blink the grit from her eyes. She wasn't especially worried... but she hadn't experienced this effect before. The closest thing was her mental connection to Robin but even that was disparate and depended on proximity. Perhaps she had sat and soaked it in for too long this morning... it would likely fade over time if she maintained proper control. She convinced herself it would sort itself out and slept peacefully. Their lives carried on as usual, crime, pizza and movies, though Raven was still connected somehow to Beast Boy's aura, which had yet to dim. Still, she assured herself that life carried on as normal - this would have no effect on her. This was tested a week later. The Titans once again faced the underwater menace, Trident and, once again, enlisted Aqualad to help. The fight had been difficult but predictable. The aftermath was unexpected, however...

"Raven!" Aqualad said, cheerily. He and the Titans stood on the rocky shore of their island, preparing to say farewell to their aquatic ally before he returned to the Titans East. As they turned to go back in the tower, Aqualad had called out to Raven. She turned to face him as he walked closer.

"Yes, Aqualad?" she asked, politely. She felt her face flush a little when he tossed a charming smile her way.

"I was wondering if you might want to have dinner some time...?" Raven paused, her widened eyes the only visible reaction. She thought about it... really thought about it. Starfire seemed to believe Raven stood a chance at romance... why not try her luck with the dashing Atlantean prince? She knew of his reputation: he wasn't looking for love, only another notch on his bedpost. There was no malice in his actions, though, he never promised anything and every girl he wined and dined knew what they were getting into. Raven seriously debated if she would mind being one of those notches. There would be no emotional entanglement. He would certainly treat her with respect, according to the rumours. He would likely be... skilled (Raven flushed a little more beneath her hood). And she would have another 'first' that she had never expected. It seemed perfect, from a logical point of view. So, mind made up, Raven raised her head to meet his eyes, smiled politely and spoke...

"No, thank you, Aqualad," she said.

"Great! How about tonight? I can pick you up aroun-" Aqualad stopped, mid-sentence, mouth still working. "Wait...what?" Raven smirked at his confusion. Even if there was no malice in him, she still rather enjoyed deflating his opinion of himself.

"I said no, Aqualad. I hope we can still be civil..." Raven said. Aqualad snapped out of his confusion.

"Um...yeah! Sure! No problem, Raven..." he said, laughing awkwardly. Raven turned and walked back to the tower. Robin and Cyborg moved in on Aqualad but he spoke first. "That's... actually never happened before," he said, laughing more naturally now.

"What?" asked Robin. They had been too far away for their conversation to be heard by the others.

"She shot me down. I asked her out to dinner and... she shot me down. FIrst time for everything, right?" Aqualad finished. Cyborg and Robin seemed less entertained.

"You were puttin' the moved on our Raven?!" Cyborg asked, accusation in his voice. Robin stood by him, glaring at Aqualad, who raised his hands in surrender."

"Whoa! Come on, guys... it was just dinner. You know I wouldn't have done anything if Raven said she didn't want to." Cyborg and Robin nodded grudgingly. But still... this was their Raven.

"Well... okay," Cyborg conceded. "All the same, you'd better head home before I "accidentally" reprogram the water pipes at the East Tower to fill your water tank with sewage..." Aqualad raised his hands again, already backing away. As he turned to step into the sea, he felt something splat on the top of his head. He looked up and saw a green seagull flying back to the tower. He sighed and dove into the water. Raven had witnessed the whole thing, having teleported up to the common room so she could watch Robin and Cyborg grill the unfortunate Aqualad. Logically, it would have made sense to accept his invitation... except for one thing: Beast Boy. They had been far enough from the others to ensure privacy... but not from Beast Boy's sensitive ears. He had heard everything and Raven had felt every emotion. Clearly, he also knew Aqualad's reputation as, as soon as he had called her name, his aura coloured with suspicion. Then, after asking her to dinner, it filled with righteous indignation, followed by burning jealousy and then... panic and crippling sorrow. That had been what made up her mind. Even if she wasn't with Beast Boy, he was still her friend - a close friend! - and a colleague. No arrangement with Aqualad, no matter how educational it might be, was worth hurting and alienating one of her best friends. It was too soon after his forced confession... the feelings were too raw. As she pondered, the green youth himself stepped into the common room, followed by Cyborg and Robin.

"Beast Boy..." Raven said, attracting the boy's attention. Even though she spoke flatly, there was some inflection that told him he might be in trouble.

"Um... yeah, Rae?" he asked, meekly.

"Rae-ven," she corrected. He nodded. Raven stared at him, making him squirm. She thought about his envy, his protective fury... and how it would do him no good. She wanted to tell him to forget her, to find someone as kind and passionate as himself. She wanted to tell him she wasn't worth his adulation. She said nothing.

"Rae?...Ven!" Beast Boy said, hastily correcting himself. Raven glanced out the window again, smirking. FInally, she spoke.

"Beast Boy... good shot," she said, still smirking. He blushed then, an embarrassed grin on his face. He would probably have to apologise at some point for crapping on Aqualad's head but, right now, with the way Raven was looking at him, he just couldn't bring himself to regret it. Not much later, the team turned in for the night, exhausted by the day.

Raven's dreams were reflective of her worries... Beast Boy was upset with her for not being good enough for him. He accused her of wasting his love and his time before disappearing forever. Then, from the shadows, Malchior came, repeating her own fears, telling her she was alone, forgotten and unloved. The human shape transformed into a dragon and hunted her through her dream, finally catching up and sinking his teeth in. She awoke with a cry, eyes wide and fearful... then the dream wore off and she regained her control. For a time, she resisted sleep - who would want to risk returning to that dream. Then she felt the spark, the beacon that surrounded Beast Boy... it was outside her door. He had heard her cry and come to check on her, she realised as his aura projected his concern. As her breathing steadied, she felt his concern fade and be replaced with the feelings of love she was still getting used to. She drifted back to sleep with him still there, though he returned to his own bed soon after. This time, Raven dreamed that she was in a vast library, accompanied by all of her emotions, each of them reading something. An impossible long and fluffy scarf was around all of their necks, connecting them together. Happy hugged the scarf to her as she read picture books. Timid hid her face behind the vast garment when her book frightened her. Knowledge reclined on a piled-up section of the scarf. Rude dozed on another pile, her book covering her face. Rage punched her part of the scarf every time her book frustrated her... which was every few seconds. Affection used the scarf to muffle her laughter while she read terrible romance stories. And Raven herself sat on the biggest pile, the impossible scarf wrapped around her as well. Her dream-self examined the scarf as she took a break from reading. It was warm, comfortable, plentiful and rapidly becoming her favourite. There was only one other distinguishing feature of the infinite scarf:

It was bright green.

Yup. Fluffier than the infinite scarf. I kind of want an infinite scarf now... Anyway! There's your next bit. It's nice to see that, even just as friends, Raven still took Beast Boy's feeling into account. How sweet! Let me know what you guys thought :D

-Jack