"Forget about happily ever after. It doesn't exist."
-Robert (Enchanted)
The morning of May 1st found Scarlett was sitting in her room on the window seat, chewing on a fingernail. She glanced at her watch. It was eight o'clock. Mrs. Weasley would be making breakfast by now and, if luck would have it, she'd be alone in the kitchen.
Standing up, Scarlett made her way downstairs, thinking over what she was about to say. There were less than twenty-four hours until the vow's time would run out. Sure, she supposed it was a possibility that something could change in twenty-four hours, but the odds didn't look good. She wanted to apologize to Mrs. Weasley for what was about to happen to her son and she also wanted to tell her the truth about the vow. Essentially, she didn't want Mrs. Weasley to make any rash last minute decisions, like putting herself and the family in danger by going out in an act of desperation and trying to find some last minute Ministry person to marry them. She half wondered why she hadn't tried that already. She guessed it was because she knew how little use it was now that the Ministry was taken over by Voldemort. She also probably knew how dangerous it really was for her to go setting up a marriage on such short notice and inviting people into the safe house. In any case, Scarlett thought it was time for her to know the truth.
Reaching the kitchen door, she pushed it open slightly and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Mrs. Weasley in there alone.
The redheaded woman turned around at the sound of the door opening. "Hello, dear," she said. She forced a smile onto her face and Scarlett knew she was well aware of what day it was and what would be happening by 3:07 the next morning.
"I have to tell you something," Scarlett said, nervously fidgeting with the end of her sleeve.
Mrs. Weasley nodded. "Why don't we sit down?" she said quietly.
They both took seats at the table and Scarlett looked down at her hands as she thought about what she wanted to say. Finally, she looked up and met Mrs. Weasley's eyes. "I'm really sorry about this whole vow thing."
"It's not your fault," Mrs. Weasley sighed. "You were young when you made it and things have just been too crazy, especially lately, to get married. It's okay."
"It's not," Scarlett said, shaking her head. "It's not okay and this is all my fault. We had the chance to get married before the Ministry was taken over, but I was scared. I'm just always scared and I can't help it and I don't know how to fix it. And it's me being scared that's messing this up again…." She trailed off and took a deep breath. "There's something Fred and I haven't exactly told you about the vow. We didn't want you to worry anymore because it was going to have the same outcome, but I think you should know."
"What is it?" Mrs. Weasley asked, looking concerned and slightly confused.
"Fred, George and I…we snuck out the other night and Fred and I got married."
"What?" Mrs. Weasley asked, blinking in surprise. "How?"
"I found someone who would do it. That's not really all that important right now, though. The point is that Fred and I got married, but the vow still isn't fulfilled. Apparently there was a part of it that Charlie forgot about over the years. Fred and I were actually supposed to fall in love. Not just get married. He's in love with me, but I'm…complicated. I think I do love him, but a part of me keeps telling myself no and that's why the vow isn't working."
She stopped talking for a moment to give Mrs. Weasley time to react, but she was simply staring, her mouth open and an expression on her face that Scarlett couldn't quite figure out.
"I've been trying to think about why we would've made that part of the vow," she finally plowed on, "and the only thing I can think of is that it was my suggestion. I don't think I really understood how things even worked back then. I thought Fred and I would always be close, it would always be easy, and that actually falling in love with him would be easy. I didn't think about how scared I would be to do that. I don't know. I was stupid. I was raised on those silly fairy tales that my dad read me and I guess I wanted my life to be like that. I wanted to know I was getting my own prince charming. It doesn't even matter what I thought anymore, though, because it was just stupid and childish. Fairy tales aren't even real! If they were, this wouldn't be ending the way it is. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how truly sorry I am."
Mrs. Weasley was quiet for a moment. She folded her hands in front of her and stared at them, lost in thought. "Why exactly are you so afraid?" she asked calmly. "Why does being in love with Fred scare you?"
Scarlett sighed. "Because I'm afraid of what'll happen if I lose him. I never want to go back to how I was when my parents and Justin died. And if I lost Fred, I'm scared nobody will be able to bring me out of that place. Everyone's being taken away from me and I hate it. And if we both die, I don't have to worry about it. Fred said I was being selfish and now that I think about it, he's right. But at the same time, I'm so conflicted about everything because I don't want to take Fred away from you. And I mean, I'm also scared of losing anyone else I'm close to, but, Fred…it's different. It's hard to explain. There's no guarantee that he'll die in this war, but there is a guarantee that he'll die if I don't become comfortable with loving him. But I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm so terrified of what happens to me after I lose someone that I would almost rather die myself. Is that completely twisted?"
Mrs. Weasley stared at her. "Death is completely inevitable, Scarlett. We can't do anything about it. Maybe we can somewhat in this case, but if Fred doesn't die because of this vow, well, you're right, he could die in this war. If he doesn't die in the war, he's going to die eventually, just like you will and just like I will. It happens despite how we feel about it and we just have to learn to grieve but also continue to move about our everyday lives. We can't let it stop us in our tracks, no matter how much we want to. The world keeps turning, whether we like it or not."
Scarlett nodded. "I know. I just don't know how to truly convince myself of that. I know I have to just take a chance, but even that is terrifying. I like guarantees."
"Don't we all," Mrs. Weasley said with a small smile. "But unfortunately, we can't always get them."
Scarlett nodded again. "I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I'm so selfish and I'm sorry I'm ruining your family."
"You're not, dear," Mrs. Weasley said softly, reaching out and touching Scarlett's hand.
"Don't say that," Scarlett said, tears building up in her eyes. "I am and I know it. I just…I'm so scared of losing people I love, but I'm responsible for it every single time!"
"No, you're not," Mrs. Weasley said firmly. "You are not responsible for any of the losses you've experienced. You are not a bad person. What Justin's mother said to you isn't true in the least."
"What if it is?" Scarlett whispered.
"It's not," Mrs. Weasley insisted.
Scarlett couldn't bring herself to speak. There was a weight on her chest and her throat was constricted. "I'm just—I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say." With that, she stood up and left the room. She all but ran to her room, shut the door, leaned against it, and slid to the ground. She buried her head in her arms and sat there with her eyes squeezed shut until she could will herself to move.
She made her way back into bed and curled up under the covers. Without exactly meaning to, she drifted off into a fitful sleep. She ended up having another nightmare where she watched the Weasleys and Erica die one by one and she couldn't move or do anything to stop it. Then, Mrs. Finch-Fletchley was there blaming her for everything and screaming at her to get out. She called her a worthless brat again, just like she had at the funeral, before calling her a selfish coward. That was when Scarlett woke up, gasping for air.
She looked at her watch. It was almost seven o'clock. She had slept all day. She figured it was because she hadn't slept the night before and she still hadn't fully caught up on her sleep from the time after her mother and Justin had died.
She pulled her knees to her chest and tried to calm herself down as she thought. She supposed the Weasleys were just finishing dinner and Scarlett didn't want to go down there at all. She couldn't face them. They probably all hated her.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Scarlett stood up and opened it to reveal Erica.
"Finally, you opened the door," she said.
"I was sleeping," Scarlett said, rubbing at her eyes. "Sorry, I'm still not quite caught up yet, I guess."
"I figured you were asleep, actually," Erica said, "but I came back almost every hour since breakfast to see if you would open the door. We wanted to get you to eat lunch, too, but then we just assumed you were sleeping and didn't want to wake you."
"We?" Scarlett asked.
"Yeah, all of us," Erica answered slowly.
"I thought everyone hated me for being so selfish."
"Nobody hates you," Erica said gently. There was a pause. "You're still afraid, though?"
Scarlett nodded. "I'm terrified."
Erica looked away for a second and when she met Scarlett's eyes again, tears were falling down her cheeks. "You still have eight more hours," she said, her voice wavering slightly.
Scarlett looked at her for a moment, before wordlessly hugging her friend and trying not to cry herself as Erica practically sobbed into her shoulder. She didn't know what to feel anymore. She was overwhelmed, scared, confused and she hated herself more than she had ever hated anyone. She was hurting so many people just because she was so afraid. But it wasn't as if she was being scared on purpose. She couldn't help it. She had just suffered so badly from losing other people that it terrified her that she might have to do it again. She was afraid of losing everyone, but especially Fred. He meant so much to her and he made her so happy. Losing him would absolutely tear her apart. But she didn't understand why she couldn't have been brave like every other person she knew. She didn't understand why she had to be so messed up. She didn't understand a lot of things and she probably never would.
"I'm going to spend the rest of the night with you," Erica said, pulling away and sniffling. "Right up until it's all over. I'm going to be here until it happens, okay?"
"No," Scarlett said, shaking her head. "I don't want you to be here for it."
"I want to. George is going to stay with Fred. I want to stay with you."
"It kind of feels like I'm giving up," Scarlett sighed, leaning against the doorframe. "But I really don't have a choice, do I? I'm still afraid. Every time I try to convince myself not to be, it's like my brain won't listen. It's like…it's like a little kid who keeps trying to do something scary, but at the last minute turns around and runs back to hide behind their mother."
Erica half-smiled. "Awesome analogy," she said.
"Thanks. I try," Scarlett said quietly, returning the smile. She stepped away from the doorway to let Erica into her room and they spent the next few hours just talking about anything and everything. They re-lived all of their most embarrassing moments and laughed their heads off at the memories. They talked about crazy things they did as teenagers and stupid things they used to think about the real world.
They were eventually interrupted by another knock on the door that turned out to be a breathless and panting Ginny, with a frantic Fred and George right behind her. Scarlett looked at them and tried not to notice how red George's eyes were. He must have actually been crying and that made Scarlett feel terrible. He also wouldn't look at her, which made her feel worse.
"We were just coming to get you," Ginny said. "We've got to go."
"Go where?" Scarlett asked in confusion.
"To Hogwarts. I just got a message on my D.A. coin from Neville. Harry, Ron and Hermione are at Hogwarts and we're all going to fight You-Know-Who!"
"What?" Scarlett squeaked.
"Yeah, we've got to hurry. We aren't telling mum and dad," Ginny said. "I'm underage and they'd stop me, so we've got to hurry and we've got to leave now."
The five of them didn't waste any time making their way outside as quickly as possible. Scarlett felt as if things were moving at high speed and her brain was still trying to catch up. When they reached the front yard, they all joined hands and Disapparated. They reappeared in a dark, dingy building. Once Scarlett's eyes had adjusted, she saw that they were in the Hog's Head.
"Are you Aberforth?" Ginny asked an old man who was standing by the stairs, looking at them with an expression of exhaustion and slight annoyance.
"I am. The passageway to the school is upstairs. You know, I've never had so much traffic through here before. Why don't you tell that Longbottom kid it's getting kind of irritating?"
"I think he's called a lot of people back, so it'll probably get worse before it gets better," Ginny said.
"Ridiculous," Aberforth said, shaking his head. "Fighting like this…." He trailed off and walked away.
"Come on," Ginny said after a short pause. "Neville said the passageways behind a painting above the mantle and it leads into the Room of Requirement." She and George began leading the way up the stairs. Erica followed, leaving Scarlett and Fred bringing up the rear. Scarlett kept her mouth shut and her eyes downcast the whole time. She didn't know what to say to him anymore. Things had just been so awkward between them since their fight and there was nothing she could say to him to make this better. She had been so careful to keep herself safe while they were connected and now it had all been for nothing.
When they finally reached the next floor, they noticed the open portrait hole on the wall above the mantle and one by one, they climbed through it.
"Fred, can we talk?" Scarlett whispered as they began making their way through the tunnel.
Fred shook his head. "I'm through talking to you, Scar. There's nothing else left to say.
"Look, I've done a lot of thinking lately, trying to figure out exactly what it is I feel and why the vow didn't work. The thing is that I do have very strong feelings for you. But that scares me and I don't know how to fix that. A lot has happened to me with my dad and my mum and with Justin…and I'm not trying to make excuses, but it's just affected me so much."
Fred didn't answer right away. He still wasn't looking at her and he was walking with his hands in his pockets so Scarlett couldn't pick up his hand. "I just…there's not much time left for us and knowing that isn't a fun feeling," he finally said. "Besides, I'm disappointed that you're so scared of loving me. Even though you say you're in love with me, saying you're also scared makes me feel like you aren't in love with me. Not really, anyway. It's as if you don't think it's a good idea. As if you don't want it. And maybe I could've done more to help you, but I didn't know what to do anymore. I don't want you to be scared, but I feel helpless. I feel like a failure. Again."
Scarlett shook her head. "There's nothing you could've done. It's all me, Fred. I'm the screw-up. The one who ruins everything. You were right. I'm selfish and a coward. And Mrs. Finch-Fletchley was right about me, too. I just wreck everything I touch."
"That's not true, Scar," Fred whispered. "None of it is. I said some nasty things to you when we fought and I'm sorry."
"No, I deserved it. And the sad thing is that even though I know you were right about me and it still hasn't made me open my eyes. I'm foolish and selfish and a coward and you have to pay for it."
Fred didn't get a chance to answer because they had reached the end of the passageway and Ginny and George were now climbing into the room it led to. Scarlett and Fred followed them inside and Scarlett's eyes widened in surprise. There were so many people here. Neville really had called everyone back. There were multiple hammocks along the walls that were nearly all filled with people. There were decorations for every house except Slytherin. There was a wireless in the corner and even a bathroom.
Lee ran over at once and actually hugged the twins. Scarlett shifted further away, knowing that she probably wouldn't get to talk to Fred again until after the battle. For some reason, that thought scared her. What if they didn't make it through? In a way, it was kind of okay if they didn't. By early the next morning, they wouldn't have made it anyway. So, she supposed if she was going to die, she might as well spend her last night fighting as hard as she could. Fred most likely felt the same way. In fact, she knew he did.
Looking around, she saw Harry, Ron and Hermione standing a few feet away, looking shocked at all the people in the room. After a minute, Harry seemed to regain composure and addressed the entire room. He asked if anyone knew of an object that would be small, easily hidden, and possibly connected to Ravenclaw.
"There's the lost diadem," Luna said.
"Yeah, but the lost diadem is lost, Luna," Cho sighed. "Nobody's seen it for centuries. That's the whole point." She turned to Harry. "If you'd like to see what it's supposed to look like, I can take you to our common room. Ravenclaw's wearing it in her statue."
Harry paused and rubbed at his forehead for a second. "Yeah, okay," he finally said.
Cho got to her feet, but then Ginny spoke up. "No, Luna will take you, Harry." She looked at the blonde Ravenclaw. "Won't you, Luna?"
"Oh, yes, I'd love to!" Luna explained as Cho sat down with a pout.
Neville showed Harry and Luna to the exit leading back to the castle and everyone else began milling around, talking to one another.
Scarlett aimlessly walked over to a hammock and sat down, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands.
"Hey, can we sit?"
She looked up to see Ernie and Hannah standing in front of her.
"Go ahead," she replied, gesturing to the empty space beside her. She hadn't talked to the two of them in a long time and she hadn't seen them since Justin's funeral. She wondered what they thought of her after Mrs. Finch-Fletchley's outburst.
"We're glad you're okay, Scarlett," Hannah began. "We heard about your kidnapping on Potterwatch."
"Oh." Scarlett blinked in surprise. She vaguely remembered Fred mentioning the radio show to her once or twice, but she had never been around to see it in action. She had been kidnapped not very long after Harry went into hiding and by the time she came back, Fred and George were in hiding at Muriel's.
"How have you been?" Hannah continued. "You know, after losing your mother and Justin?"
"I've been dealing," she sighed. "What about you two? You were his best friends."
They both shrugged. "It's been odd," Hannah said quietly. "You know, with him gone."
"What exactly happened between you two?" Ernie finally asked. "Why does Justin's mother think it's your fault?"
"Ernie!" Hannah scolded.
"It's okay," Scarlett muttered. "I figured you'd ask. Anyway, Justin did write me a letter with a return address on it. Scabior and Greyback intercepted it and as they were leaving my mother's, it fell out of Scabior's pocket. I picked it up and went to warn him, but I couldn't get him to leave in time."
"How come his mother didn't know about the letter, then?" Ernie asked.
"Justin's dad found it and didn't say anything to her and I don't think Justin told her about it either. He knew how she felt about me and that she didn't want him talking to me anymore."
"I don't think it was your fault," Hannah said. "You wouldn't hurt anyone and you cared about Justin too much to put him in danger."
Ernie snorted. "Sorry," he said when Hannah and Scarlett looked at him. "It's just…Justin was so mad and upset after you broke up with him, Scar. It just didn't seem like you cared about him from how upset he was."
"Hey, leave her alone, why don't you?"
Scarlett, Ernie and Hannah all looked up to see Fred standing a few feet away, glaring at Ernie. George and Lee were behind him, looking surprised. They had obviously all been talking and Fred had heard Ernie's comment.
"I'm just saying…Justin was my best friend and from my point of view—"
"Well, you don't know all the facts, okay? If you did, you wouldn't feel the way you do."
"Oh, and you do know all the facts?" Ernie asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Yeah, I'd say I do," Fred responded, glaring at Ernie. "You can believe what you want, but Scarlett cared about Justin and she doesn't need to prove it to you of all people. Justin knew she cared about him and that's all that matters." He met Scarlett's eyes for a second and they simply stared at each other as Ernie fell quiet, clearly at a loss for words.
"Thank you," Scarlett mouthed at Fred, giving him a grateful smile. He nodded slightly, but didn't smile back.
Just then, Harry and Luna returned and the commotion caused Scarlett and Fred to look away from each other. The room had filled up with more people in the time that they had been gone and the crowd seemed to take Harry by surprise.
"What's going on, Harry?" Lupin asked.
"They're barricading the school," Harry answered. "Voldemort's on his way. They're evacuating the younger kids and everyone else is meeting in the great hall. We're fighting."