Roman could never explain it, but he was always up early naturally on Christmas morning. A childhood trait that grew up with him. The sun hadn't even ignited the cobalt winter sky when his eyes were open, his brain active after only a moment.
It's Christmas. The thought was warming.
Dean was nowhere near being awake yet. Roman had an idea. He removed himself from the bed slowly, making sure Dean was still under the blanket to stay warm in his chilly bedroom.
He steadily pushed Seth's bedroom door open. He, too, was still fast asleep under his comforter, still dreaming of those hot sugar plum fairies. Roman had a bit of time to himself. He set up the living room as it had been the night before: lamps lighting the area, fireplace warming the air, television playing soft Christmas music. He cracked the blinds a tad so he could watch the sun rise in a little while. Then he turned the kitchen lights on and grabbed the dishes necessary to prepare a great Christmas breakfast. "Great" being everything he had in the pantry, the freezer, and the fridge that counted as breakfast food. Eggs, bacon, frozen waffles, toaster strudels, bagels, toast, biscuits. Between the three of them, they could handle all this food without a bite going to waste.
It would be work, but it was work he was willing to put forth.
Halfway through his preparations—he saved the eggs and bacon for very last, so they wouldn't get cold and "taste like ass", as Dean had once described—a bedroom door creaked open. Roman's heart fluttered since he didn't know who it was, and he was delighted to see either one of them awake. It turned out to be Dean, who gaped through sleepy eyes at the food laid out.
"Morning, babe." It was the first time he used the word with Dean. He liked the way it sounded. "Merry Christmas."
"Wow, are we having company?" Dean asked.
"Nope. This is for all of us."
"We'll be feasting for days. Days!"
"Want to help me?"
"I'd be honored. How can I help?"
"Butter the toast and waffles when they pop up."
"You got it, chief."
Dean buttered six waffles and six pieces of toast while Roman started on the eggs. A couple of times, Dean would skip across the kitchen to kiss Dean's cheek or hair. After one of these times, Roman caught him just before the kiss, seized him in his arms, lifted him off his feet and kissed him firmly on the lips. Dean looked dazed by the sudden smooch.
"Love doing that to you," Roman said.
"Love it when you do that to me." Dean smiled. Roman caught it withering in the slightest as he broached another statement, "Hey, let me ask you something."
"Sure."
"Do you like Seth?"
Roman stirred the glob of eggs, confused by the question. "Sure, I like Seth. He's a decent fella, I guess."
"Roman."
"What?" Roman took his eyes off the liquefied eggs, moving them onto Dean, who suddenly looked very somber.
"Oh." Roman got it. "Oh, you mean…"
"Yeah. Like like."
"I, uh…" Don't lie to him. Don't ever get on his ass about being dishonest and keeping secrets, then lie to him, you loser. "He…" Now you have to be honest. You've hesitated long enough to give him the truth without saying anything.
"Roman. It's okay if you do."
"What?"
"Well, I'm not gonna lie. There's times I thought about it. Not much since we got together, of course, but in the past, hell yeah."
Not much "since" they got together?
"He's my best friend. He knows everything about me. Everything. Even those little details you don't know about yourself until someone else points them out. He's that guy I could always go to for anything once I met him. Once he figured me out, he figured all of me out. Nobody else in the world besides him—and you—can really say that."
How the hell am I jealous? How? After hugging Seth last night and wishing it could last, I'm jealous of this affection Dean has for Seth? Roman stirred the eggs as they thickened. "I get that."
"He's wonderful. I know you know that. He's a great listener, he sacrifices a lot of things for the sake of the people he loves. He's a hard worker. He's caring and kind and strong in spirit. He's the most selfless guy I've ever met."
"Let me ask you something, then. If you've thought about how you feel—how you have felt—about him before, why didn't you ever get together with him?" It pained Roman to think of them ever being together, Seth stealing Dean away before Roman even had the chance to meet the guy and fall in love with him. If it hurts this bad to think of them together, I need to push these feelings for Seth as far away as I possibly can. It probably hurts Dean a lot to think I might feel for Seth what I feel for him.
Dean didn't take long to answer Roman's question. He buttered the last piece of toast and stacked it atop the others. "Because he can do better than me. This is fact."
"Don't say that."
"Both of you could do better than me, Roman. Remember what I told you from the very beginning? I'm fucked up. Not all there in the head. I'm not the strongest, smartest, funniest guy in the world. Hell, I'm not even anywhere near the nicest guy. I can be a real dick sometimes. I can be absent-minded, inconsiderate, selfish."
"Hi, Dean, welcome to being human."
"Just saying. Seth is a great guy, you're a great guy. If the two of you deserve anyone, it's each other. In another dimension, I'm sure you and Seth are a couple. You could call it…Roth or Sethman or something. Reignllins. Rolleigns."
Roman set the spatula down. He was willing to sacrifice the eggs to make a point right here and now. "Guess what, Dean?" He took one of Dean's hands in both of his. "We're not in another dimension. We're in this one. And in this one, I love you so much. I love you more than anyone has ever loved anyone else. I cherish you. You have my heart. You're…you're my everything. We were made for each other. Even if you don't believe in fate, I believe that."
A tear welled in Dean's eye. "I don't deserve you," he said, voice breaking.
Roman crushed Dean in his arms, stroking the back of his head, lips against his ear. "Yes, you do," he whispered. He allowed himself to hold Dean a little while longer before reminding himself to tend to the eggs. He liberated Dean from the hold with one more kiss. He wouldn't realize until later that he never directly answered Dean's question.
Now wasn't the time.
Seth was awake several minutes later, after breakfast had been finished and the table set.
"Merry Christmas, Seth!" Dean cheered.
"Merry Christmas, Dean. Good morning, Roman. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas. I made breakfast."
"I see that," Seth said, rubbing his eyes. "It looks delicious."
"Have some toast," Dean said. "I buttered it all by myself."
"You let him have a knife?" Seth joked to Roman.
"Yeah, and he only nicked himself twice with it," Roman said. "Must be a new personal best for him."
"Let's get through breakfast and onto the presents!" Dean said.
"Damn, you're excited for those, huh?" Roman asked, chuckling.
"Yeah. This is, like, my first real Christmas ever. You have no idea what this day means to me."
Ah. That was a very true, very touching point. Last Christmas—Roman did the calendar math in his head—Dean was still with the Wyatts. He couldn't imagine what that must have been like. Certainly not merry. Certainly no better than any Christmas he had in California.
No wonder he was acting so giddy, especially about the presents, knowing how not materialistic he was.
Because of this, Roman planned to give him the best damn Christmas ever.
Breakfast was eaten to the tune of "O Tannenbaum" from A Charlie Brown Christmas. Sure enough, there was hardly any food to store away in plastic containers. The muscular boys had gotten through a good deal of it before feeling full.
Dean was buzzing. His electricity was contagious. He abandoned his empty plates and silverware on the table, floating towards the tree. Roman gathered the dishes, and Seth helped him get them into the dishwasher. It was full already, the plates and silverware combined with the cooled pans, spatulas and other cooking utensils.
"Come on!" Dean groaned. "It's Christmas! Who cares about dishes?"
"Roman in the morning will," Roman said. He quickly started up the dishwasher. He'd put the clean ones away much later, long after the load was washed. He and Seth joined the overwrought Dean in the living room. Outside, a weak sun ignited the watercolored sky in a pastel pink and orange. The air was cold, but the sky was clear. The only signs of a white Christmas was snow already on the ground the day before. That should have counted as a "white Christmas" for the native Californian.
Dean sat close to the fireplace. His eyes were affixed on the tree. "So, do we pass these out and open them taking turns like last night?"
"That sounds good, but Seth and I need to figure something out first," Roman said. "Dean, would you go into my room for a minute? We'll let you know when you can come out."
"More waiting?" Dean's head rolled back. "Damn. I've been waiting all year."
"Oh, you can survive a few more minutes," Seth said. "Now scoot."
"Fine," he whimpered. Dean trudged into Roman's bedroom. They waited until the bedroom door pressed closed before investigating each of Dean's gifts.
"All the ones related to the you-know-what, stash behind the couch for now," Seth said.
"How do we know which ones relate to the you-know-what?"
"Damn, we should have thought ahead for this one, Ro."
"It's not your fault that your genius only strikes at random intervals."
"True. Okay, this is one of the…things you made, right?" Seth handed over a tiny triangular gift. Roman knew it was the pick he'd carved from Annie's body.
"Yeah." He placed it back under the tree. "One down, several to go."
Seth upheld another present. "I know this is….something different, because I ran out of wrapping paper and had to use printer paper for the rest of it." He returned the gift beside the wrapped pick.
"You using my printer paper? That shit's costly, bro."
"Bill me for it later. And then I'll proceed to tell you to shove that bill up your ass."
Roman laughed.
It took them a little longer than "a few more minutes" to organize the gifts, separating anything they purchased from Guitar Center and Dean's other presents. Roman hoped they were right about each guess. It would suck for Dean to accidentally open the cleaning and polishing cloths and figure it all out.
"Okay, Dean, come on out."
Dean was clearly confused at the diminished size of his gift pile. "Where'd all my shit go?"
"You'll get those back later. It's sort of a package deal," Roman explained.
"Okay. Good enough for me."
Seth and Roman divided the remaining presents between the two of them. They had about an equal number. Dean had far more than both of them, but neither Seth nor Roman were particularly upset about that fact.
"You go first, Dean," Seth said.
"Which one?" Dean asked, eyes inspecting every present individually, like it was the most crucial decision he'd make in his life.
"Any of them," Roman said.
He chose a present from the middle of his row. It was Seth's, the one partially wrapped in printer paper. "My first Christmas present on my very first Christmas. This is amazing."
Roman held up his phone and activated the camera, intending to capture every special moment.
Dean peeled back one layer of wrapping paper and gasped. "Shit, Seth, is this for real?" He pried a small poster frame from the paper. Inside the frame was a photo of the band Pierce the Veil, with silver writing all over the picture. Roman could only guess they were autographs.
"For real, for real. Obviously I didn't track them down and meet them to get them to sign it myself, but I found it online. Hand-signed by all of them."
"This is killer, brother. Thank you so much." He leaned over to give Seth a hug. Roman caught the moment in photo form. He set the poster aside and looked to Roman. "Okay, how about you go next, Ro? And may I strongly suggest the one on your far right?"
Roman obeyed and opened up a Batman action figure. Dean was giggling.
"It's for your desk, because Batman is clearly the best!" he declared.
"Yeah, sure, sure. I'll have to put him up against my Superman action figure and see who comes out on top. Thanks, you guys."
Seth went next, opening a sleek pair of carbon filter Ferrari sunglasses from Roman. "Oh, yes, dude. Sick." He wore them for a moment to pose for a picture, then carefully set them aside. "Thank you."
Dean's next present was his first from the desecrated Annie. For a moment Roman panicked. What if Dean was insulted that Roman would use her scraps? Somehow he'd defiled her even more by crafting these gifts from her remains? But the brightness that swept over Dean's face when he opened the bracelet fashioned from the guitar strings proved his anxiety wrong.
"Oh, this is awesome," he said, slipping the bracelet on his wrist. "Did you make this yourself, or order it?"
"I made it myself," Roman answered. "From…" He let Dean fill in the blank for himself.
Dean swallowed hard. "Annie?"
"Yeah. From Annie."
Dean blinked. Was he fighting tears? "Oh, baby girl. I miss you so damn much." He kissed the bracelet, then kissed Roman. "Thanks for helping me keep her alive in spirit. One way or another."
Roman couldn't stand the wait any longer. He nearly asked Dean to skip his and Seth's turns and open all of his at once. But he worked on opening his next present instead, a pair of Doctor Who slippers, checkered with a red bow tie. Belonging to the eleventh doctor.
"Hope you aren't too partial towards Tennant," Seth said, chuckling.
"Nah, these are awesome!" He removed the tags and slipped them on over his socked feet. "Thank you."
Seth admired his next gift, a slick pair of work gloves. "Been needing these for a while. Thanks."
"You're welcome," Dean said.
Seth was baffled. "Look at the guy who never wears a coat when it's cold, getting me gloves for Christmas! Sheesh!"
Dean giggled. He was quiet again seconds later, combating tears when he opened Roman/Cody's present. Cody had painted this piece of Annie blue and white, and scribed the first chorus of "More Than Words" over the piece in curly letters.
Dean touched his head as though it ached. "God…" He sniffed. "This is from her too, I take it?"
"Yeah. Got some help with that one. From Cody."
"My Cody? Or, our Cody, I guess?"
"Cody Rhodes, yeah."
"I've gotta thank him…wow, this is spectacular. He's a hell of an artist." He turned the piece of art over and over again in his hands.
"I'll say. I was blown away when I picked it up."
The rest of Roman's presents complied with his inner—and outer—nerd: a Flux Capacitor bumper sticker for his car, a French press from Seth, a Marvel S.H.I.E.L.D logo zip-up hoodie. Seth's gifts also reflected just how well Dean and Roman truly knew him: a Chicago Bears steering wheel cover, the sequel to Metal Wars, a black shirt that said "Trust me, I'm a mechanic." Dean was losing the fight against his blissful tears with each gift. He opened up the picture frame, the handcrafted pick, and a key holder Seth actually made himself out of the headstock and tuning keys.
"Wish I had more than one key to use on this thing," Dean said.
"Once you get a car, you'll have more use of it," Seth said. "That's what I had in mind when I made it."
"When am I getting a car?"
"Well, it'll have to be soon. You can't rely on Roman and me for rides to work forever. Especially once he goes back to school."
Something came over Dean, a sudden shade of light. Like he was up to something. Roman caught onto it. What was that about?
"Yeah. I guess you're right. I'll get a car here pretty soon."
"It's a smart idea."
"Oh, it's a grand idea."
Seriously. What was he up to?
It was time to give him the guitar.
Roman sent Dean out of the room again. Willingly he went. Roman cleared the floor of wrapping paper and tape, wanting nothing in the way. Seth unwrapped each guitar accessory and positioned them in a neat pile in the middle of the living room floor. Roman gathered that trash and tossed it, too. This had to be perfect.
"Okay," Roman said. "Bring her in."
Seth pulled on a coat and boots and went out to his car to fetch the instrument. When he came back inside, already chilled from the morning air, he asked Roman, "Do we leave it in the case, or out of it? And make the case separate?"
"Make the case separate. I want him to see the actual guitar, very first thing."
"That's what I was thinking, too."
"Great minds think alike and all that."
The glossy, pristine instrument was situated on the ground before the heap of accessories. The case was propped against the wall behind the stockpile.
"Ready?" Seth asked. Amazingly, he slipped his hand into Roman's and gave it a squeeze. He was thrilled. As was Roman. The wait was finally over.
"Ready," Roman said.
"Okay, Dean, you can come out now," Seth called.
The door swung open. Dean shuffled back into the living room.
He stopped frozen, mid-step, at the sight of the gift assemblage.
Roman saw the sun in Dean's eyes. Never before had he seen such brilliance on the face of his love. That sun drowned in fated tears. Dean collapsed to the floor on his hands and knees, head drooping, sniffles audible. He looked up, took in another full sight of his gift, then sagged his head again to weep quietly a bit more before crawling towards his new precious, prized guitar.
Roman touched a finger to his eye, effacing a tear. Seth, too, was dabbing at his own eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. This was the epitome of joy, this, what they witnessed now.
Dean's hands caressed the body of the guitar, gentle as a lover's. He took the neck in the lightest of holds and lifted the instrument into his lap. He didn't play it or strum any strings singularly. He just held the guitar for a long, long time, hands positioned as though he'd break into song any minute now.
He finally spoke again. "Caroline."
"Caroline?" Roman asked.
"That's her name. Caroline."
"Did she whisper that to you, just now?" Seth asked, smiling.
"Little bit, yeah. It's like…when you have a kid, and you look at them, you just know what their name is. Even if you picked out a name before they were born, you know just from looking at 'em whether that name is right or not. You don't know it till you see them for the first time."
"I like Caroline," Roman said. "Beautiful, classy name."
"Yeah. I like it, too." He looked up at them, tired, happy eyes, one tear lingering near his jawline. "Guys…I…" He shook his head, eyes falling again to Caroline. "Thank you. She's perfect."
"You're welcome, Dean." Roman lowered to his knees and wrapped an arm around Dean's shoulders. Seth bent down and put an arm around each of them.
"Can't wait to see what the first song I play on her is. It's gotta be something really special." He looked up to Roman. "What about one that you write, Ro? Remember? You wrote a song once. Want to do it again? That can be the first ever song I play on her."
Roman was flattered. "Sure, I'd love to. Don't know how good it'll be, but…"
"It'll be great. I believe it."
"You've got it, Dean. I can do that. In fact, I'll do it today so you don't have to wait too long to give her a try."
Dean hugged his guitar, then ever so carefully set her aside to embrace Seth and Roman in a group hug. Christmas wasn't over yet, but his holiday was everything Roman had hoped and dreamed it would be. He knew it. Not bad for a first Christmas.
"Merry Christmas, guys," Dean whispered.
"Merry Christmas," Seth spoke softly back.
"I love you," Roman said. To both of them.