Hello my pretties,
Hope everything is going well for you all! I just wanted to say thanks for all of the encouraging thoughts you've given to Katie. You guys are amazing and I was encouraged by your kind words. You guys mean the world to us, and I hope you know that smile emoticon We do this for you!
Lots of things going on this chapter. It'll go out with a bang for sure this time around hehe
What? What do you mean, what do I mean? How could these situations possibly get worse? HOW?
I shan't tell you. You'll just have to read to find out XD hehehe...
Onwards!
~Em
Chapter Twenty: A Friendly Face
Finn stared down at his hands. His heart was pounding in his ears. He could see his hands clasping and unclasping in a nervous gesture he couldn't seem to control. Finally he looked up.
"Well... aren't you going to say something?" he asked in a nervous tone.
Raine was staring at him with an odd expression. It wasn't disgust, which was, Finn supposed, a good thing. Her fingers were steepled in front of her mouth as she contemplated the boy's words a little bit longer. Raine seemed to be the sort to think things through before speaking, which was certainly not something Finn did often.
"So all that happened," she said slowly, "and you're here instead of trying to make amends?"
Finn felt his chest tighten with guilt. "I figured my dad would kick me out. I wanted to save him the trouble."
"Hmm..." Raine hummed as she considered his words some more. Finally she put her hands down on the table. "What are you hoping to accomplish with this time away?"
"Um..." Finn cleared his throat to buy more time but he couldn't think of anything to say. What was he going to do now? "I thought maybe I could find a new place to live. I have experience as a blacksmith."
"I'm sure you'd do fine." Raine shrugged. "But there has to be a bigger picture. You were the heir. Technically you still are. That creates a bit of a problem back home. Do they make your sister the heiress or wait for you to come back? You can't just disappear."
"This really is better for everyone." Finn insisted. "I mean did you hear what I did?"
"I heard you." Raine nodded, extending her hand in a placating gesture. "What you did was horrible and completely inexcusable. But it's not unforgivable."
"Because of me, Erick could die." Finn said emphatically. "He might never walk again, even if he survives. And, for that matter, I have no idea if he is alive anymore. For all I know, they're sending his pyre out to sea as we speak!"
"I don't think so." Raine said after a few seconds. "If he was stable yesterday, I'd be hesitant to assume anything at this point. But that's not even what I wanted to talk about."
"Well you know I'm sorry for everything." Finn put his head down again. "I can't ask for forgiveness. I've destroyed my own life."
"I don't think so." Raine said calmly. "Finn, your father does love you. If you've convinced me of anything, it's that. He adores you. He wants to do what's best for you and sometimes that's tough love."
"He told me to leave."
"He was in a highly stressful and emotional situation, Finn." Raine reminded him. "Everyone reacts differently in those kinds of situations."
"Regardless, Berk is better off without me." Finn mumbled.
"No. Berk needs you." Raine smiled when Finn looked up at her. "I remember this one time Stoick came for some kind of meeting. I was about six or seven but I remember listening to him talk about you and your parents and your sister with this big grin on his face like you all were his life. I thought that I wished I had a grandparent who talked about me like that. But when he talked about you, how you had all the potential to be a great chief in a few decades, he was very serious. He said you and your dad were strong leaders and that he wasn't at all worried about Berk's future." Finn felt like crying again at the mention of his grandfather but he held his tears back. "I thought that you must be a pretty special little kid for him to think so highly of you."
"You remember that? After all these years?" Finn asked, suddenly enthralled.
"I have a great memory." Raine winked at him. "But in all seriousness, it's never too late to change, Fearless Finn. We all mess up, some more than others. But you have the potential to be great. I know you do. And I want you to make amends. I think that distance is good but while you're here... well, think about it. Let this be a breath of fresh air, you know?"
"Yeah." Finn nodded, allowing himself to smile. It felt very uncomfortable. "You're right."
"I'd love to chat more but I have a few things to get to. Visit me any time, Mr. Finn." she winked at him again before standing up and walking out of the tavern.
Finn watched her leave, his brow furrowed in deep thought. His heart was turning somersaults in his chest. He liked this girl a lot. She was kind, she was beautiful, she was mature... he'd never been attracted to women who weren't strong and fierce but he simply couldn't get her out of his mind. Her poise, her demeanor, her forgiving nature, it was all quite tempting to say the least. He liked thinking about her instead of his own pain. Perhaps she was the light at the end of the tunnel, the one good thing in his life when all seemed hopeless.
In that moment, Finn decided he would definitely be taking her up on her offer. He'd visit her any chance he got.
Lara Larson was not one for big emotional displays. She prided herself in her ability to remain calm in any situation and to avoid raising her voice whenever she could. She was a natural leader and she knew it. She was dedicated and hardworking. When she wanted something, she usually got it. She planned her life down to the last detail and allowed very little room for error or emergencies.
Olaf had been much the opposite. He had cried the first time he had held each of their children and often laughed and joked with them. He wasn't adverse to planning or organization but he liked to keep his options open just in case something better came up. Lara had fallen in love with his cheerful disposition and attentiveness. She liked that he, unlike most men, had no problem with letting her run the household the way she wanted. He seemed to understand that she needed to be the leader and their dynamic had been perfect.
It seemed darkly humorous that all these things she had loved about Olaf irritated her in regard to her youngest son. Maybe it was the fact that Erick was a complete surprise when she had already decided she was finished having children. Or maybe Erick and Olaf were different in ways she herself couldn't quite figure out. Her boy looked a bit like her late father-in-law, who she had never liked very much, but so did Olaf. Erick was an enigma she could never wrap her head around. And Lara didn't like sitting idly while thinking about the complexities of life and why things happened. She got things done and she did them well.
Then Olaf was gone, leaving her with an emotional wreck of a teenage boy. A part of her was furious at her husband for doing this to her. She felt his death every time she looked at her son. How was she to cope with these intense emotions and still do what needed to be done? She had done her best but Erick remained impossible to deal with as the days wore on.
She thought about all these things as she made her way to the healer's house. Holding her head high, as she always did, she pushed her way into the house and was halfway across the room before Mara ambushed her.
"I want to see my son." she said forcefully.
"You can after you wash your hands." Mara pointed to a basin by the door. "I didn't know you'd be coming."
"That's not so unusual." Lara washed her hands in the basin and wiped them on a towel. She then turned back to Mara. "Now, if I may, I would like to see my son."
Mara led her to an area blocked off by a curtain. Lara saw Gustav sitting by Erick and toweling his forehead with cool cloths.
"Mom?" Gustav's eyes widened. "I didn't think you'd come."
"Clearly." Lara sat down in a chair next to her oldest son. "How is he?"
"Stable." Gustav replied. "I'm here for another hour and then Hiccup will take over. Mara sees he needs 24 hour care."
"You can go." Lara told him. "I will take over until Taryn arrives."
"Are you sure that's a good-"
"I cared for all five of you whenever you were sick." Lara pointed to the door. "I can handle this. If there are any problems, I will notify Mara immediately."
"Um... okay." Gustav got up and handed her the cloth. "If you're sure."
"Very. Go home to your kids, Gustav." Lara told him.
Gustav left with no argument. This surprised Lara slightly; she'd been expecting more opposition.
She turned to her son, who didn't move at all the entire time she was there. His steady breathing was a fairly soothing sound. Lara tended to prefer company but for now, she liked the solitude.
The Larson matriarch stared into her youngest son's face as she toweled it. It might as well have been Olaf's face. Except for the mouth, she noticed. Her father's mouth had been shaped like that. Her mother had had dimples. Perhaps that was her only contribution to her son's face.
"Erick..." she muttered, more to herself than to her son. "What am I going to do with you?" she glanced down at the bed frame and her eyebrows raised. "I think you were born on this bed. Not this mattress, that got tossed out, but this bed frame, I remember it. I grabbed the sides while giving birth. You were a week early and the healer was at the Snoggletog party. Stupid me, I told her to go, not to stay there on my account. A few minutes later, you just slipped out before we could go get her. Ruffnut was there, I think she'd broken her ankle a few hours before, and she hobbled over to catch you. And that was that." she stared at the towel in her hand as she continued to try to cool her son down. "Olaf was delighted. He was the one who picked your name. He held you first. I..." she faltered. She'd forgotten this part of the story in the years since Erick's birth but she felt like she had to continue, she needed to tell her son what had happened. "I closed my eyes. I heard you crying but I didn't want to see you or hold you."
Lara felt a rare surge of emotion. She didn't know why she was telling him all this. He couldn't hear her. But she needed to admit it. She needed to tell him what had happened, why he had always been different for her. He deserved to know.
"Those first few months after you were born, I couldn't stand to hold you. I was irritable, emotional, anxious. I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep. I had to force myself to nurse you. I had no energy for day-to-day tasks and I used to snap at everyone. I remember one time Magnus knocked over a vase I liked and I ranted and shouted at her until she cried. Olaf intervened, told me I was overreacting, and I continued shouting at him. I couldn't stop myself'; I was so angry. I was in a dark place, Erick." Lara shook her head, dipping the cloth in the cool water in the basin next to her. "It never felt like that with any of the others. I thought something was wrong with you. But your father, he didn't stop loving you. He was the first person to make you smile. He used to hold you for hours just to make sure you were getting enough human interaction." she sighed deeply. "You were a few months old before I finally started feeling like myself again. But I blamed you for that. For coming into my life so unexpectedly, even though I had been extremely careful, and for the horrible way I felt. I realize now that it wasn't your fault. I said I loved you because I had to. But maybe..." Lara pushed down another surge of emotion and continued. "Maybe I didn't. Maybe I haven't."
Lara looked over at her son's bandaged stump. Mara had managed to save half of the leg. Erick would still be able to use his knee but his foot was completely gone. Like Hiccup, Gobber, and many older Vikings, he would have to walk on a metal leg for the rest of his life. Lara wasn't too concerned about that; Hiccup acted as if he hardly noticed he even had a prosthetic leg. But still... what an adjustment.
"When this happened, I didn't even know how to react. I got the news and I was just so shocked, I couldn't think straight. But when Hiccup wouldn't let me in, when the anger had subsided, I realized something." Lara leaned in so that Erick could hear her more clearly, assuming he was capable of hearing her. "I do love you. Maybe not the way you want or need me to but I don't want to waste any more time being angry at you or shouting at you for petty things. I should have acted like I loved you years ago but I didn't." Lara couldn't push down the fresh wave of emotion. She felt tears streak down her face. "I lost Olaf and Aud. Please... I can't lose you too." she leaned down and kissed Erick's cheek. He didn't respond. "I can't change the past but I do want to have a future with you. I want you to come home, Erick."
Erick's eyelids twitched. For a split second, Lara thought he was about to open his eyes but the moment passed and her son remained unconscious. She reached up and stroked his face. His cheek was rough with the manly scruff he had been dutifully shaving off. Her little boy had grown up and she had hardly noticed. When Gustav had been that age, she had been so tired she had let him disappear for days at a time but she always asked questions about what he had been doing when he returned. She had even forcefully talked him out of pursuing his ridiculous crush on Astrid. Magnus and Aud had both been busy with activities outside the house but she supported them with whatever it was they were doing. Nikolas, well, he was the one who would come home each day with a detailed account of his activities and readily asked for her advice. But Erick... she didn't know anything about him. How had she missed her own son's life for such a long time?
The reason was simple. Olaf had taken over. Adrianna had been there for when Olaf was unavailable. Lara had it quite easy in that regard. She didn't have to put forth any effort. So she hadn't. And when both Olaf and Adrianna were gone, well, it really was no wonder her son had taken everything so hard.
And Lara had told him to get over it anyway. To suppress his emotions after losing the two most important people in his life. What kind of mother did that?
"I'm sorry." she whispered as she continued to towel his forehead. "I'm so sorry."
And, for the first time in a long time, Lara knew in her heart that she meant every word.
In the years to come, Hiccup remembered very little of what had happened in the first few days after Finn left Berk. He fell into a routine of doing his duties as chief and caring for Erick. This was all he seemed to do for the next two days. Aside from a Terror that had come a full day after Finn had left, bearing only the words "I'm still alive," he had no idea where his son was and what he was doing. This distressed him greatly. Finn remained on his mind every second of every day. Even at night, he'd fall asleep and wake up in a cold sweat, images of his little boy lying dead in a ditch somewhere flashing before his eyes. He knew his boy was resourceful and intelligent enough on his own to avoid the horrible events of his previous voyage outside of Berk. These facts did nothing except to mask Hiccup's gut wrenching fear that he would never see his son again.
Hiccup's next clear memory was a day after his talk with Adrianna. He was sitting beside Erick, keeping his body temperature down and reading a book while he did so when Inga walked into the curtained off area.
"Everything okay?" she asked in a businesslike tone.
Hiccup stifled a smile. It was quite humorous to see Inga act like a little adult. "It's pretty good, thanks."
"That's my job. But listen, my mom wants to talk to you for a bit." Inga told him.
"Are you sure you don't mean your dad?"
"Believe me, Mr. Hiccup, if I'd meant to say it was my dad, I'd have said it. My parents are two very different people." Inga said with a smirk. "But is it okay?"
"Yeah. Of course." Hiccup nodded. "Why does she want to talk to me?"
"She wouldn't tell me. She just said she had something on her mind and she wanted to talk to you about it." Inga breathed a laugh at Hiccup's raised eyebrow. "I don't think you're in trouble or anything."
"That's not what I was afraid of." Hiccup allowed himself to smile as Inga walked through the curtain.
The more he saw of the Jorgenson girl, the more he liked her. She was as fierce as her father and as intelligent as her mother. She was like Helga in this way except that Helga was easily swayed by dangerous influences. Inga had a good head on her shoulders. Hiccup almost felt sorry for any boy who would try to win her heart in the future. Between Snotlout's protective nature concerning his daughter and Inga's strong will, that poor boy would have a difficult road ahead. Then again, so would any boy who dared to get serious with his Addie.
He was interrupted from his thoughts when Heather joined him. She gave him a friendly smile as she sat down next to him.
"How's he doing?" she asked, looking over at Erick.
"No change. But Mara says that stable is good right now. His body's healing at its own pace." Hiccup said, quickly changing towels. "Keeping him cool is the hard part. If he gets a fever or an infection..." he couldn't finish the sentence.
"Good." Heather nodded. "I don't really know him all that well but he seems like a good kid."
"He is." Hiccup agreed. "Needs some guidance for sure but he's an upstanding young man."
"He reminds me of you when we met." Heather said, staring at the boy's face. "Small, a bit unsure of himself, but so very sweet. He'd give you the shirt off his back. And fall right into my trap."
Hiccup chuckled. "I don't doubt it. You were a very good actress."
"Finn wouldn't have."
Hiccup looked at her. "Wouldn't have... what?"
"Been fooled by my nice girl act." Heather explained in a soft voice. "He'd have seen through me just like his mother did."
"Well... you don't know that for sure." Hiccup mumbled.
"I do know that for sure." Heather leaned forward so that she was in his peripheral vision. "He's a lot like Astrid. He'd have picked up on the little details everyone else would have overlooked."
"You forget that you were a pretty teenage girl among hormonal teenage boys." Hiccup reminded her.
"Another hen in the rooster house, as Ruffnut put it." Heather said, making Hiccup laugh again. "That's probably why Astrid didn't trust me right away. But Finn's even smarter, particularly in ways you're not."
"You think his behavior recently was smart?" Hiccup shook his head.
"Yes, I do." Heather agreed emphatically.
Hiccup stopped toweling Erick's forehead for a moment to stare at her. Heather put up a hand.
"Let me finish. Finn was smart, he was just unwise. His brain was fully capable of incredibly clever strategies that kept you guessing for months. You can't argue that he wasn't smart." Heather continued. "His reasoning was his problem. But his leadership skills in the beginning must have been top notch or he wouldn't have roped in so many followers."
Hiccup blinked. He honestly hadn't thought of it that way. "Well smart doesn't mean right. Plenty of horrible people are smart. It takes a lot of brains to be evil and get away with it for a long time." thoughts of Trista and Dagur entered his mind and he gritted his teeth.
"You think he's evil?" Heather asked patiently.
Hiccup looked up at her. "No. Of course not. I'm just saying-"
"You're just explaining away a form of intelligence you don't possess in large quantities." Heather interrupted. "I think you've been doing that a lot lately."
"What are you talking about?" Hiccup turned to her fully, leaving the damp towel on Erick's forehead. "I've supported him. I've told him he's got potential that he's not using and I've encouraged him every way I know how! I don't explain away what makes him special."
"No, Hiccup." Heather said firmly. "You don't see what makes him special because it makes you uncomfortable."
"Can't be as uncomfortable as the discussion we're having now." Hiccup mumbled.
Heather sighed. "Finn isn't you, Hiccup. Neither are Erick or Anna."
"I know that." Hiccup grumbled. "I never pretended that he was."
"My point," Heather said slowly, "is that while Erick and Anna are a lot like you, Finn is a lot more like Stoick. And that makes you uncomfortable."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"I think it does." Heather nodded. "Hiccup, you make it your platform as chief to exemplify that might doesn't make right. And you do it well. Being small and compassionate never stopped you from achieving greatness. You've instilled that in your daughter and she's better off for it. You're instilling it in Erick as well. But Finn feels differently."
"He should be taught that though!"
"Of course he should. But what you're not teaching him is that a good heart can only take you so far. Sometimes it really does take the hard work and strong muscles to get things done. Sometimes logic is more important than values. You don't always have time to consider every angle and that's okay." Heather told him patiently. "Finn excels at fast thinking and putting emotions aside to make decisions. He likes being strong and using his muscles to help people."
"I know that." Hiccup shook his head. "But a good heart is more important than any of that. Without a good moral foundation, he's just going to use that brawn to hurt people."
"You're right." Heather agreed. "But that brawn is what Finn is. It's not as easy for him to stop and think of others first. And it's even harder when you overlook what he does naturally and make him focus on what isn't easy for him."
"It's good for him." Hiccup huffed. "He doesn't need coaching on how to throw axes or make swords or fly into battle. He already knows all that. But he doesn't understand strong leadership."
"This whole time we've been talking, I haven't said anything about compassion being a bad thing or something he shouldn't be learning." Heather put up her hands. "But you've spent this whole time acting as if what I'm saying is... I don't know, offensive."
"It's not offensive." Hiccup turned back to Erick. "It's just that I don't think it's any of your business how I raise my children."
"It probably isn't." Heather shrugged. "But I'm going to say it anyway. The way your father treated you while you were growing up wasn't right. He overlooked your positive traits and focused solely on your shortcomings. That clearly damaged you a lot."
"I loved my dad." Hiccup muttered. "And I forgave him a long time ago. I've healed."
"You have, in a way." Heather said compassionately. "You've forgiven him. You've moved past it. But those emotional scars are just that, scars. They might not hurt you anymore but you've made it your mission not to pass them onto your kids because you know how much they can hurt."
"So why didn't it work?" Hiccup asked in a trembling voice. "Why did Addie come back and Finn push me farther away?"
"Because you made the same mistake as your dad." Heather told him. Hiccup turned toward her. "You focused on his shortcomings but you didn't acknowledge his strengths. It's simple really, you just didn't see his gifts as worthy of support."
"That's not true. I love him. I want what's best for him."
"What's best for him isn't what would have been best for you." Heather put a hand on his arm. "Hiccup, I know you didn't mean to but you downplayed what made him special. You made him feel inadequate, like he couldn't live up to the kid who ended the war all those years ago. He's not a naturally emotional person so of course he hid it from you. Of course he acted like everything was fine. But I think every time you implied that physical strength didn't mean anything, you hurt him a little. It was like you were saying he wasn't ever going to measure up. Eventually, he stopped trying."
Hiccup stared at her, his mouth agape. His heart constricted painfully, making it slightly difficult to breathe. He hated to say it but Heather was right. No wonder Finn had gone so completely against everything he had ever been taught. That was exactly what Hiccup had done. And while Hiccup had gone out of his way to reach out to Erick, a boy very much like himself, he had made Finn feel even more unloved and ignored.
In short, Hiccup had made the same mistake as Stoick. Exactly the same mistake.
He put his head in his hands. "Ohhhh gods..."
"Hiccup, it's a completely understandable mistake, especially with your history." Heather said encouragingly. "I don't think anyone blames you."
"Finn does." Hiccup said shakily. "This makes all the difference."
"And you can apologize to him when he gets home." Heather stated. "I just wanted to point that out."
"Why didn't Astrid ever tell me?" Hiccup wiped his face with the back of his hand. He might not have cried at this normally but with the lack of sleep and worry for Finn and Erick, he found himself close to tears at all times.
"I think she took it upon herself to make Finn feel comfortable with who he was." Heather explained. "Maybe she didn't make the connection that I did."
"Why do I even have kids if all I ever do is hurt them at every turn?" Hiccup sniffed and wiped the last tears off his face. "I just want them to be happy and feel accepted."
"It's not too late for that." Heather smiled. "When Dustin and Vidar were about six, Snotlout took Dustin on a hunting trip. They hit a doe and Dustin was very upset. He argued with Snotlout the whole way back about how horrible he was and Snotlout argued that hunting kept him fed so he had no right to complain. Dustin refused to eat meat for days and Snotlout was furious at him for disregarding how much work went into feeding the family and how he had a weak disposition. It was intense. But finally I sat them both down and I explained that they both had a point. Dustin was upset that Snotlout had killed an innocent animal but I reminded him that Snotlout had done it so quickly, the doe didn't feel any pain. I also told him that the doe didn't go to waste because we used the skin and the meat to keep us warm and healthy. I told Snotlout that Dustin's heart for animals was a good thing and that he should work with dragons if he liked them so much. I also told him that Dustin didn't have to be a big hunter like him and that was okay."
"That worked?"
"Not at first. Snotlout was upset that his son wasn't just like him. Dustin was upset with the perception that his father was a killer. Neither of them had the full story and when they thought about it, they came to an agreement. Now Snotlout takes the Vidar and Inga hunting and Dustin flying. Activities everyone enjoys." Heather finished. "Dustin wasn't wrong, he was just different. So is Finn."
"I've never liked hunting much." Hiccup mumbled. "Or body building stuff. I get my muscles from flying. What can I even do with him?"
"Encourage him." Heather replied. "And maybe you'd like hunting more if instead of being the shooter, you watched your son's instincts at work? I'm sure he's great at it."
"If he comes home."
"He'll come home." Heather assured him. "Just give him some time. It's the best medicine."
A tiny groan interrupted their thoughts. Erick shifted positions in the bed, his eyelids twitching.
"Erick?" Hiccup whispered.
The boy groaned again. He winced when he moved his damaged leg before drifting off once more. Soon his rhythmic breathing was the only movements he made.
Hiccup shakily sighed. "It's okay, Erick." he said to the teenager. "Take your time. Heather's right. It is the best medicine after all." he looked back at his friend. "Thanks."
"Anytime." Heather replied, patting his shoulder as she stood up. "I'm here to talk if you or Astrid need it. Or be an impartial judge."
"When did you get so wise?"
"I'm a keen observer. I had to be to pull one over on you all when we were kids. And you, Hiccup, aren't too hard to read." Heather grinned at Hiccup's frown. "Sometimes wearing your heart on your sleeve isn't such a bad thing. But I think you could stand to learn from your wife or your son a little bit."
"Maybe I could." Hiccup nodded. "Thanks for being the voice of reason."
"Wouldn't be the first time." Heather said before walking out from behind the curtain.
The first night at Kara's had been rather awkward. He hadn't considered the fact that Kara had an incredibly inquisitive daughter. Sigrid had peppered him with questions on several until Finn was eager to leave the house. Her brother Kory was quieter but he too listened to Finn's answers with rapt attention. The teenager found himself eating breakfast at a fast pace so he could ask the blacksmith to let him help out.
When he got to the forge, Finn realized just how much he had missed his work. True, he had been away from Gobber for only a few days but all the drama made it difficult to concentrate. Getting back into the forge was a relief. The blacksmith on Brawn was a strong woman named Dagny. Her name reminded Finn of a slightly less savory one but he pushed it out of his head. Dagny was a hard worker, as was Gobber, but she wasn't nearly as funny. Finn found himself smiling less and working more.
Not that he minded. He needed to get back to the grind. Working helped him focus. Dagny liked his productivity so she mostly left him alone. By the time the workday ended, Finn was sore and ready to stop but he didn't want to go back to Kara's. Not with the ever-curious Sigrid and Kory hovering around him until they went to bed. But it wasn't as if he had anywhere else to go, certainly not on a foreign island where he knew no one.
The moment he stepped out of the forge, he plowed right into a passerby.
"Gods, I'm sorry." he said, helping her pick up what she was carrying. "Wasn't looking where I was-" his mouth dropped open. "Raine?"
"Finn?"
The two teenagers stared at each other in surprise. Finally, Raine spoke up.
"I didn't know you were working here." she said, weakly gesturing to the forge.
"I sure am. I have to do something for money and Dagny's a bit short on help."
"And you lasted all day? As a newcomer?" Raine smiled. "You must be really good. She's pretty picky."
"She didn't say anything to me. I guess I passed the test."
"I guess you did."
"Anyway," Finn moved his satchel farther up his arm. "Are you, uhh... are you busy?"
"Am I... oh! No. I was just going to the Meade Hall for some food." Raine said.
"I like food!" Finn piped up. He internally kicked himself. What a ridiculous thing to say! "Uhh I mean I was thinking of going there too."
"You want to come with me?" Raine asked, extending her arm playfully. "Come on, I won't bite."
"Who says I won't?" Finn quipped, taking her arm in his. "Lead the way, m'dear."
Raine laughed and the two of them began to walk to the Hall.
"So are you meeting your boyfriend here?" Finn ventured.
"Ha! No boyfriend as of right now." Raine elbowed him in the gut, making him smile. "And my sister's visiting another island for the next week with a lot of my friends. And the remaining one is working late tonight. So it'll just be us. Two lonely souls sharing a meal and commiserating."
"Sounds like a lot of laughs." Finn grinned cheekily at her. "So you have a brother?"
"Yep, a younger sister and a big brother. Just like you."
"I don't have a brother."
"You have Erick."
Finn made a face. "Erick is not my brother."
"He's been living at the house and your parents love him like a son. That's what you said." Raine began climbing the steps to the Meade Hall, Finn following just behind her. "I think that upgrades him to family."
"I don't."
"Was Benen family?" Raine asked.
Finn stopped in the middle of the staircase. "Why does that matter?"
"Because if you love someone the way you love your family, they're family to you." Raine pulled him up the stairs. "I mean technically I don't have a sister but my parents took her in about six years ago because of a similar situation."
"And you love her?"
"Of course. She might not be blood but my parents love her and my brother loves her." Raine held the door open for Finn, who felt awkward walking through. "She needed us and, though we didn't know it at the time, we needed her. And I think your family needs Erick too."
Finn paused as he walked into the large Hall, unsure of where to sit. "What's her name?"
"Ericka."
"What?"
Raine burst out laughing. "I'm kidding. It's Sophie."
"Unusual name." Finn said as he grabbed a plate. "I think my sister had this book about a Sophie when she was younger."
"The one about the giant?" Raine asked. "Yeah Sophie loves that one. Anyway, I get those feelings, Finn. When my parents first brought Sophie home, I thought I wasn't being a good enough daughter. But it wasn't about me at all."
"I'm glad your situation worked out." Finn grumbled. "At least you didn't kill her."
"I really doubt you killed Erick." Raine reminded him, scooping some mashed potatoes onto her plate. "I think he'll be okay."
"Right." Finn said as he finished adding food to his plate. "Where do you want to sit?"
"Pick a place." said Raine.
Finn chose a table by the edge of the Hall. At home, he liked to sit in the middle while Adrianna and Erick tended to prefer the edges. But this time, he didn't want to be the center of attention. He wasn't a future chief here and he had about as many friends as he deserved: zero.
Raine sat down across from him and eyed his plate of food. "I don't think you're eating enough."
"Eating makes me sick." Finn said, trying to eat the meager portions of food on his plate.
"You know, it's awkward when the girl eats more." Raine took a bite of chicken and scooped up some of her potatoes. "Come on, Finn. We Meatheads make the best mashed potatoes in the archipelago."
"I seriously doubt that."
"No really, it's a Brawnian specialty. We use the best of the best, taught to us by the ancient tribe of Hysterics. They invented the potato, you know."
Finn rolled his eyes. "That's not how it happened. They just brought it over from the west to cure Vorpentitis, everyone knows that."
"You know, Finn, sometimes you're just a touch too literal." Raine tapped his nose with the tip of her finger. "Play pretend once in a while."
"That's Anna's thing. No point in pretending things that aren't real."
"You're wrong about that." Raine said firmly. "There's no such thing as unreal, when you think about it. Even stories can bring about real meanings and real emotional impact. It takes skill to think up a good story, perseverance to write it, and openness for the readers to get something out of it."
Finn raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying I should read more?"
"I'm saying you shouldn't blow off the idea people." Raine said. "Anna and your dad are big idea people. They might be all talk and no application sometimes but that brainstorming leads to ideas that people like you, people who like to do things instead of think about things, might not have considered."
"Why are you telling me all this?"
"I'm trying to give you some perspective." Raine explained. "So you can understand each other when you go back."
"If I go back." Finn mumbled. "And that's not exactly what I was asking. Why do you care so much?"
"Because you're sad and alone." Raine reached forward and brushed his bangs from in front of his eyes. "And I don't like seeing sad people."
Finn felt his inner fire ignite for the first time since he had made out with Dana. That had been stupid: Dana was most certainly a girl with loose morals. Finn knew for a fact that she considered each man she slept with to be a conquest rather than a deep relationship. He even suspected she'd been with Cale, though Morgan still didn't know about that. But Raine wasn't Dana. Raine was a nice girl who cared about him, even though she knew what he had done. She was beautiful and she was intoxicating. As they talked some more, Finn decided that he would do what he could to spend as much time with this girl as possible. Maybe he had a second chance after all.
Crickets chirped, stars twinkled, waves crashed along the crags below. The night was calm and silent except for nature's nighttime beauty. But Hiccup couldn't enjoy it.
He sat along the edge of the cliffside, elbows resting on his knees as he leaned on Toothless, who snoozed on the ground behind him. The chief watched the horizon wearily, but he didn't feel like moving. Even though he'd slept in, the day had been long and hard, leaving him drained and lacking energy early in the afternoon. But a chief's job is never finished.
Puffy clouds swept across the oceanic distance like cotton balls. Hiccup could remember the days lying in the grass with his family, listening as his young children babbled about the various shapes they could find in the clouds. Even then, they'd bicker about who saw what and why what they saw was better than the other. It had been cute and precious back then. Now, Hiccup yearned for peace and friendship in his family. He wanted everyone to be united. He wanted them to be a team.
But nothing he could say or do made a difference anymore. He didn't know what to do, with Finn incognito, Erick out of commission and Adrianna sitting at his bedside for as long as she was allowed. Things needed to change; children sometimes had to figure things out on their own. But he still felt responsible for all his children's miseries.
Hiccup and Toothless were alerted to the sound of wildly flapping wings behind them. Hiccup felt his dragon twist his neck to see their visitors. The chief vaguely recognized the sounds of the dragon landing just behind Toothless, but he didn't move. The loud clomp of someone sliding to the ground, followed by heavy footfalls, and finally a large figure sat down beside him before he realized who it was.
Fishlegs sat there silently, hands folded across his stomach as he watched the horizon. Hiccup relaxed; maybe Fishlegs just wanted to sit here for moral support. That would be nice. His hopes were dashed to pieces when, after a few quiet minutes, Fishlegs turned toward him.
"Hiccup," His old friend began softly. "You need to go home."
Hiccup felt dull and blank as he tried to come up with a response. Finally, he gave a mild shrug. "Can't go home."
"Yes, you can. You're going to kill yourself if you don't get enough rest."
Hiccup didn't reply. Fishlegs had to understand how hard it was to go home and try to sleep, not knowing where his son was, not knowing if he was alright. Not knowing what nightmares lay ahead, both psychological and born in reality.
"He's coming back, Hiccup." Fishlegs said.
"We don't know that."
"Yes, I do. He's going to be fine."
"Oh, you know then?" Hiccup asked sardonically. "Tell me when then, before I lose my mind. And while you're at it why don't you tell me when Erick is going to wake up."
Fishlegs kept his expression impassive. "I know this week- no. This summer has been hard on you and Astrid. You've both been working your tails off, and then the gang, and now all of this. I understand that it's taxing on you, emotionally and physically. But if you don't get rest, you're going to be even worse off tomorrow. Besides…" Fishlegs paused. "Don't you think Astrid might want you home? She needs comforting too."
Hiccup winced. Ouch. He swallowed, unwilling to release the excuses threatening to pass his lips. For that reason alone, he should be jumping up and going home. He couldn't keep doing this to her, if anything. "You're right."
"Yup. So-"
"I-I can't sleep, Fish."
Fishlegs watched him warily. "Can't or won't? Do you need sleep aids from Mara?"
Hiccup chewed his lip. "Nightmares…"
"Oh." Fishlegs nodded understandingly. "What about? You don't have to share."
"Finn," Hiccup rubbed his face, swallowing hard. "Um… I'm just creating all these scenarios in my head of what could happen and I'm not there to help him."
"Hiccup-"
"And then there's Erick's accident with all the blood, which is just a trigger for all the other nightmares I've ever had." Hiccup resisted the urge to shudder. He could almost feel the scars on his neck burn in pain from the jagged edge of a blade.
"You still have those?"
"They come and go." Hiccup admitted. "It might be linked to stress."
"And lack of sleep?"
"And sudden life-threatening situations."
Fishlegs shrugged. "It could be lots of things."
The men sat in silence for a few minutes while Toothless and Meatlug snoozed behind them. After nearly ten minutes, Hiccup prepared himself to take the trek home to his wife when Fishlegs finally spoke again.
"I'll say a few things: First, get sleep aid if you have to. You don't want to get sick or have an accident of your own because you collapsed from exhaustion. Okay?" Fishlegs asked in a firm tone. Hiccup nodded weakly. "Second, I want you to listen to me: Finn is a great kid. He's smart, strong, and well-trained. He's got enough experience from the worst the world has to offer so he'll have his wits about him the entire time he's gone, I'm sure of it."
Hiccup shook his head. "I'll go insane if he doesn't come home soon. Before the ice sets in and that's in less than two months."
"He won't be gone that-"
"What if he doesn't show up for a few years? How am I- how are we supposed to move on from that? How do you cope with a child leaving, not knowing when or if he's coming back? What do you want me to do, Fish?" Hiccup demanded.
"I want you to breathe." Fishlegs replied calmly. Hiccup huffed, shoving a hand through his hair. "I can't imagine what that's like. I'm not going to say it's easy or that you're overreacting because you're not. You're acting like any parent would. But if Finn can't learn here, out there is the best place for him. It's a hard world out there and he'll learn one way or another just how wrong he was and he'll come running back. He will, Hiccup. I can feel it."
Hiccup shook his head morosely. "I told him to leave."
"You didn't tell him to leave Berk. You love him and he'll see that soon if he hasn't already."
"I'm a lousy father and everyone knows it."
Fishlegs stiffened. "Stop that. If I were to hear that come from anyone's mouth, I'd set them straight in a heartbeat. Stop selling yourself short because your son has made many mistakes, and most of them are not your fault. You raised a young man with great potential and he's chosen to squander it. That's not your fault. You're the most devoted father I know-"
Hiccup couldn't help the anger that clutched his heart. "Then WHY is all of this happening? If I'm such a great parent, why do both of my kids struggle so much? Have your kids ever told you to your face that they hate you?"
"Yes," Fishlegs gave a wry smile. "They're just less dramatic and explosive about it. Usually. Your children like to make scenes out of things… they… they want your attention. But in so doing, they want everyone in the world to know that you messed up in the process. It's kind of a reverse effect. Kind of interesting psychology when you think about it."
Hiccup pinned him with a glare.
"Sorry." Fishlegs scratched his scruffy cheek nervously. "Anyway, your kids feel a lot of pressure because of their status. They've both gone through a lot emotionally and physically. They've got a lot of pent up bitterness. That doesn't mean they should take it out on you and Astrid."
"But they do," Hiccup mumbled as he rubbed his face. "And no matter what happens, I can't shift the blame. I could've done better.
"You'll give yourself an aneurysm thinking like that."
"So be it."
Fishlegs cracked a smile and pushed his shoulder. "Come on now, none of that." Hiccup stared at the horizon sullenly. Fishlegs sighed. "Hiccup, as your friend but also your councilman," He waited until Hiccup finally looked him in the eye. "Please trust me on this. He's coming back."
Hiccup forced back the burn in his eyes, turning his gaze back to the skies. He felt his Adam's apple bob in his throat with the force of the swallow he choked down.
Fishlegs breathed a short sigh and got to his feet. "Come on," Hiccup felt his friend grab his left arm and haul him to his feet. "You look terrible. Go home, chief. Be with your wife."
Hiccup nodded. "Okay. But… Fish, why…"
Fishlegs turned to him questioningly.
"Finn hurt your daughter." Hiccup said. "Why would you even want him back?"
Fishlegs looked hurt. "Hiccup, I watched that boy grow up too. I'm angry with him and fully plan to talk to him when the time is right, but I don't hate him. I want to help him in any way I can because he needs it. He's our future chief as much as you were when we were kids. You're a living testament to the fact that running doesn't solve problems, it doesn't stop time. One day, he's going to be chief. Our job is to make sure that when the time comes, he's ready. And so help me Thor, when that day comes, he's going to be a good man just like his father."
Hiccup's face tightened emotionally. "We don't deserve that, Fish."
Fishlegs smiled. "You're my friend. I love you like a brother, and Astrid like a sister. It's what friends do."
Hiccup breathed a laugh, trying to wave off the tears welling up. "Ah come here, big guy."
The men embraced, slapping each other on the backs. Hiccup felt his heart swell, thankful for such a good friend. Even better, he knew all his other friends from his childhood would be just as willing to tell him when he was being ridiculous. They'd always be there to pick him up out of the dirt, give him advice, help him in his greatest time of need. And he'd do the same for any of them.
Toothless warbled at them. Hiccup smiled and pushed his nose away when he released his friend. "Alright bud, let's go home."
"Get lots of rest, Hiccup. I mean it." Fishlegs pointed at the chief as he climbed in to Meatlug's saddle.
"Yes sir," Hiccup saluted with a short laugh before Toothless took off. "Thanks, Fish!"
"Anytime!"
Hiccup felt a little lighter on the flight home. He still felt loads of grief in his chest at his son's departure. He hated not knowing anything and worry still gnawed at his heart. But with his friends just a flight away, he knew he wouldn't carry this burden alone.
The house was dark and silent when they arrived. Hiccup quickly took the rigging off his dragon's back and tail, then went upstairs as quietly as he could. He could vaguely make out Astrid's form in the dark as he changed, but soon he heard her shift under the sheets.
"You're home late."
"Sorry," He whispered as he climbed into bed beside her. "Got talking to Fishlegs."
"Oh. Okay."
Hiccup buried his face into her neck, effectively pushing her onto her back in the process. Astrid gave a startled "oof", then chuckled.
"Getting cozy?" she asked, dragging her fingernails down his scalp.
"Mmmmmmmmphhhhhhhh…" Hiccup mumbled, sparks shooting down his spine. Gods, she hadn't done that in a long time. He'd almost forgotten how much he loved that.
Astrid giggled, but he could hear the weariness in her voice. "Too bad it's so late."
Hiccup smiled against her skin and planted a kiss at her pulse. "Well I don't know, I'm still awake."
"You're half asleep."
"So are you."
"We could change that."
"Ha…" Hiccup smirked. Astrid dragged her fingers through his hair again, but he could feel her slowly falling back to sleep. Raising his head, he gently kissed her. "Go back to sleep, babe."
"But-"
"Astrid."
"There are two less ears in the house, we should be proactive."
"Astrid!" Hiccup guffawed. "That's horrible! I can't believe you just made light of our son's disappearance so we can-"
"Oh shut up and hold me, Haddock."
"Wait, so now you just want to cuddle?"
"You ruined the mood."
"I did not- OW! Woman!"
"Hiccup, shut up, our daughter is down the hall."
"Ugh. How do you woman anyway, it's so confus- ow. Fine, fine."
Astrid snickered, shoving him onto his back. She dragged a leg over his waist and snuggled into his chest. "Good night, babe."
Hiccup swallowed but kissed her forehead tenderly. "You're not making this easy. But good night."
Once they settled down, it didn't take long for them to fall asleep. Tomorrow was another day. But they could only hope that it would bring a brighter horizon.
Thanks for reading the chapter, guys! I hope the Lara perspective helped you out a bit. Imagining Erick as a baby gave me warm fuzzies. I'm full of baby!Erick headcanons but I knew I couldn't go over the top with that chapter. Also Heather's back by popular demand! There's actually a story behind that scene but it would involve Race to the Edge spoilers so I'll keep it very brief: after seeing her episodes, I made a conscious choice to keep the character I had written rather than the one written into the show and in doing that, I decided that making her the keen observer gave her a unique position in the series (and I'd already done that in Unexpected, Under Pressure, and Stowaway so it wasn't changing a thing).
Now onto personal stuff. Oh my goodness, what can I even say right now? I know words are my forte but I'm speechless! So many kind words! Some of your reviews made me cry happy tears. I have the best readers on the site. I mean that. My own sister, also a fanfic writer, is jealous! Her work attracts some interesting characters (one of whom introduced us to the word "fabulicious") but none of them are as sweet and supportive as you all. It's hard to believe that I've been going at this for nearly TWO YEARS and there are people who have stuck with it since the beginning! Did you know that the entirety of Growing Up Haddock, including this chapter, takes up 1,099 pages in a single file, not counting author's notes or Fearless Fables? And it's 592,518 words long! We're more than halfway to the length of all of the Harry Potter books put together! And you all still want more? I have to say, that in and of itself is incredibly encouraging. I love all of you and I wish I could talk to you more! I am absolutely committed to seeing this series though. I think you're going to love these next 3 stories as well. But put aside the stats and I have so many loyal readers who drop everything and read. It's amazing to hear what our stories are doing for you and we hope to do more. We've got a lot of issues to address but we hope you'll be willing to learn from them and apply them to life. That's why we write, after all, to make a difference. It's amazing to see that we have.
Now to business! EmmerzK and I have a BLOG! You can find a link to it on my profile but you can also find it by looking up "emandkate weebly" on google. I'm not sure if you can post links here. Sorry about that. PM me for more information. I wrote a whole article that went into detail about what was said to me, how it made me feel, and how amazing the response was. Hopefully we can write more. And you can sign up for our mailing list if you like!
Okay, I think that's everything. THANKS AGAIN! Don't forget to review!
~KateMarie999