Another update so soon! Mard was just too much fun.

Beware, I plan to unleash new crackships upon you with this. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.

Lucy awoke the next morning just as the sun was starting to show its face. The first rays of dawn crept through her window, bathing her bed in soft gold and pink. She stretched and yawned, and then snuggled a little further under the covers; content to relax just a little while longer before she had to be up and about.

This was definitely one of the perks of Tartaros' newfound alliance with Fairy Tail, she contemplated. Natsu and Jackal were generally too busy arguing most days to bother breaking in during the wee hours. Lucy also suspected their recent reticence had a great deal to do with Mard Geer's current residency. One word from the King of the Underworld could set Jackal to scrambling - ducking for cover and clutching his tail like his life depended on it. Natsu, understanding that there was probably a reason for this reaction, generally followed suit. As a result, Lucy's mornings were now very quiet affairs (and her walls had fewer dents from kicking Natsu into them).

Although none of this logic applied to Happy, apparently. She did still wake up on occasion to the fuzzy feline sleeping on her face or raiding her fridge, but in comparison to before it was a minor inconvenience. Well... there was still the obligatory teasing and insinuations from Happy about her living with Mard, of course. The cat could not help himself (it was a minor miracle that Mard hadn't taken offense to Happy's goading but that may entirely be due to his not understanding any of it). Though the incidents were easy to handle with her ready stash of fish to distract him. He was absent on this particular day, she ascertained with a swift glance around her apartment.

Finally, the Celestial mage decided that she'd had enough lounging around for one morning. Drawing back the covers, she sat up and pivoted until she was perched on the edge of her bed. Once her feet were securely within the slippers she kept by her bedside, Lucy rose and padded softly to her dresser to select the day's outfit. She threw a quick glance towards the couch, spotting only the top of Mard's dark head, his face hidden from sight by the blankets he had cocooned himself with. On the low table beside the slumbering king rested the book of E.N.D. Innocuous though it looked, Lucy knew better than to make a bid for it even with its owner by all rights dead to the world right now. That would not end well.

Lucy finished gathering up her clothes and made her way to the bathroom. Leaving Mard be for now was the best course of action; the demon - she had discovered over the course of the past two weeks - was not in any way shape or form a morning person. Or demon.

When she emerged from her piping hot shower, garbed in clean clothes and a towel around her hair, Lucy came upon an odd sight. Or at least... perhaps it would be odd to anyone who hadn't been bunking with a demon for the past fortnight. For her, this was becoming one of the aforementioned perks, to be honest. Mard was sitting up on the couch, his back ramrod straight, and staring towards the kitchen. Or so it appeared. As Lucy moved past him, she noted that his eyes seemed glazed over. His normally pristine hair was ruffled considerably from his slumber and escaping its normal ponytail that for some reason Mard never let down. Stray wisps were sticking out at odd angles, and his dark blue shirt (one of Gray's castoffs) was full of creases and slipping off his left shoulder. A rumpled, overly fluffy blanket lay across his lap and entangled in his feet.

All in all, Lucy considered it a treat to see the Mard Geer in a state of something less than utter perfection. As best as Lucy could tell, he had low blood pressure, and difficulties awakening. He would remain like this for the next half an hour or so, and any attempts to rouse him would be ill-advised. The demon lost all sense of how to restrain his colossal strength when he wasn't fully aware of his surroundings. Natsu being flung into - and subsequently through - Lucy's wall had been proof enough of that.

Or maybe the torpidity was caused by Mard wearing his ponytail to sleep, therein cutting off the blood supply to his brain.

At least he had cleaned up the purple gunk from last night, she observed. Though she had to wonder where it had all gone - Lucy hadn't seen Mard actually eat it, come to think of it. Nor how he had disposed of it. Asking Mard right now would be a pointless endeavor, however. Unlike Lucy when she wasn't awake, Mard was completely unresponsive until someone tried to touch him or the book. Then it was wall-meet-face time.

Internally, she chided herself a little. She should go a little easier on the currently catatonic demon king - it wasn't as if she was in a state fit to be called human before getting clean and mainlining pharmaceutical grade caffeine into her body. Though all of these nice, long sleeps she had been getting lately were definitely improving her outlook on the concept of mornings in general.

So Lucy ignored the demon sitting in disarray on her sofa, and set about making something for the both of them to eat. To be perfectly honest, she wasn't really clear on whether or not Mard actually needed to consume food, due to being made of Ethernano. He did occasionally make concoctions for himself and he did eat everything she put in front of him, though. Maybe he just enjoyed the taste of things. ...Not that she could tell by his nonexistent reactions to her cooking.

It was only after her very simple breakfast of leftover rice and eggs was served, that Mard became aware once more that the world existed. A muffled whump emanated from the direction of the couch, as Mard attempted to rise from it only to have the blanket ensnared in his legs trip him up. Lucy hid a smile behind her hand as the demon king fought himself free of the fluffy cloth imprisoning him. Groggily - completely lacking in his usual graceful coordination - he picked up the book of E.N.D. and made his way (stumbled) to the table. Whereupon he then sat down in front of the bowl Lucy had laid out for him, placing the tome beside him - just out of reach of any potential food splash-backs.

The Celestial mage murmured a greeting to him; which he ignored as he stared blankly at the steaming food.

After a couple of moments of awkward silence, she decided to try again. "Good morning, Mard."

Nothing.

Undeterred by his lack of response, Lucy went on, "When you're ready to go, we'll head to the guild. Is there any type of job you're against, or one you would prefer to go on? If we pick one with a high enough reward, we can go get you a proper bed." The idea had been bouncing around in her head while she showered earlier. It was fairly obvious that this rooming situation was going to continue for the foreseeable future. And if he was going to be actively contributing to his keep, then Mard deserved someplace better than Lucy's sofa upon which to rest. Maybe that was why he was always so out of it in the mornings - lack of a proper sleep (which occurred to her with a small pang of guilt, as Lucy's sleep had improved since he had started his stay with her).

This topic seemed to register with Mard, stirring him to full consciousness. He blinked, as if surprised to find himself at the dining table (let alone with prepared food in front of him). Grasping chopsticks in one hand, he grabbed an egg with the other, expertly cracking it one-handed over the rice. "I doubt a second bed would fit in this apartment," he observed, stirring the egg into the rice with his chopsticks. "Either you're being overly optimistic, or your understanding of spatial relationships is woefully lacking."

Ah, the snark. Mard Geer was officially back amongst the living. Unfortunately. Lucy much preferred him when he was unresponsive. Opting to ignore the demon's snide comments, Lucy instead offered, "I can rearrange things, or get rid of the couch or armchair to make room if I need to." Gray would definitely throw a fit if he found his favorite chair missing but it wasn't his apartment and he always broke in anyway so Lucy didn't really concern herself with his feelings at the moment. "You need a dresser of your own, I guess. As well as clothes to fill it - you can't keep using your one outfit and Gray's leftovers all the time."

"Why not? It's more efficient that way."

"No, it's not," Lucy chided him. "I don't like doing laundry every day." And all attempts to teach Mard how to work the machine had ended in fantastic failure. Fantastic suds-filling-up-every-nook-and-cranny-of-her-apartment failure.

"So you'd rather wait until it piles up, and then waste an entire day doing nothing but folding clothes. Given the state of your financial situation, losing a whole day you could be working seems counterproductive," the demon pointed out. "So I suppose I should add fiscal irresponsibility on top of spacial ineptitude."

Lucy gaped at him. She seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. Wracking her brain, she desperately tried to come up with a witty retort. Unfortunately, it was still way too early in the day for such complicated processes. Finally, she gave up and just huffed, "Well... at the end of the day, I'm still the one paying the rent, and you're still a mooching demon."

Mard paused in the middle of a bite, the rice slipping from his chopsticks and plopping back onto the now diminished pile in his bowl. "End... of the day...? ...You are aware that it is morning, correct? The beginning of the day? You do know how to tell time, I hope?" It was muted in comparison to what Lucy was used to seeing from others, but he seemed genuinely alarmed by this prospect.

"I know how to tell time!" Lucy screeched in indignation. She stood up, bowl in hand, and marched to the kitchen. Wherein she shouted behind her, "It's a turn of phrase!"

"Oh, good," Mard commented. "I was... a bit afraid there for a moment."

Lucy furiously scrubbed her dishes, ignoring the demon.

All the better, in his opinion. It wouldn't do to have her see just how uncomfortable that small burst of unbidden emotion had made the King of the Underworld.

"Oh! Good morning, Lucy!" came an enthusiastic greeting from Fairy Tail's resident supermodel/barmaid. Mirajane paused, carrying a tray full of beer mugs. Her smile was, as usual, radiant. "And good morning to you as well, Mard!"

"Morning, Mira!" Lucy replied, smiling brightly at the woman she still held more than a little bit of awe for. To be honest, she didn't think she'd ever lose that feeling.

Mard Geer nodded at the Take Over mage. "Hello, Mirajane."

"Oh, so you can spare niceties for other people, but not for me," Lucy muttered under her breath. "I see how this works." Louder, she said, "Hey, Mira - I'm gonna go pick a job. Is the Master around to approve it?"

The barmaid shook her head. "He's at another meeting with the Magic Council about our friends from Tartaros, I'm afraid. Once you pick out a flyer, I can approve it for you, though. Is this for your rent?"

"Yeah, and that would be awesome. Thanks, Mira!"

"No problem." Mirajane set down her load of alcohol in front of Mickey Chickentiger and her friends, who all whooped in delight. Lucy hoped they paced themselves, if they were getting started on the drinking this early in the day. "I'll be behind the bar if you need me."

Lucy nodded. "Got it!"

"Hey~" Mickey drawled, taking notice of the guild's Celestial Mage. "Lusshiiii!"

Oh boy. Yup, Onihime had been hitting the liquor hard today. "Hi, Mickey! Did you... need something from me?" Lucy had never spoken to the woman at length before. Nor had Mickey ever approached her. This was new.

"Are you - hic! - gonna be taking Fire Boy and Spot with you today~?"

"S-spot?" Lucy stuttered, not quite able to believe her ears.

Mickey bobbed her head furiously up and down, nearly dislodging her pet bird, Pii-chan, along with her horn accessories. "Yeah! Spot! 'Cause he's..." she began to gesture vaguely, "spotty!"

Brown eyes regarded the demon princess with trepidation. "Neither of them are coming with me today, though I'm not so sure Jackal would like it if he heard you calling him that..." In fact, she was certain. Lucy was also quite positive that once he found out about his new epithet, he might start blowing things up at random. Again. Then Natsu would assume it was a competition and Lucy was not going to be responsible for cleaning it up this time.

"No, no he would not appreciate the nickname," observed Mard from beside Lucy, startling her. Lucy had completely forgotten he was still there. "But it's... appropriate. I approve. Keep using this moniker for him."

"Then you're gonna be responsible for cleaning up the aftermath," Lucy muttered under her breath. "Not me."

"Of course. You don't have the time to," Mard said. "Or rather, you literally cannot afford it."

Lucy ground her teeth together in frustration.

Mickey threw up her arms in victory. "Ayyyo! Boss-demon says it's okay!" Chico and Mikuni threw up their arms as well and cheered along with her, the entire group's faces flushed deep red from the alcohol.

"And here I thought Cana would be the first one to get so completely sloshed this early in the morning..." Lucy stated.

"That would imply the drunkard stopped drinking long enough to become sober," Mard replied.

Lucy had no choice but to acknowledge the validity of that statement. "You have a point, there."

Mickey abruptly slammed her glass into the table, sending cracks spiderwebbing through both it and the table. "So... Lusshii. I need... we need... to borrow Spot. For today."

"Please don't destroy the tables before the Master gets back!" Mirajane called out from the back of the guild.

Blinking rapidly, Lucy side-eyed her distant guild mate with suspicion. How in the world had Mirajane...? On second thought, she didn't want to know. "You don't need my permission?" Lucy pointed out to Mickey, returning her full attention to the drunk mage. "Also, why is my name the only thing you're slurring?"

"But boss-demon is in charge of Spot! And you're in charge of boss-demon!"

Her second question had been ignored entirely, Lucy observed. "Thank you, but I'm not in charge of anyone, Mickey."

"I concur," Mard added.

It was silent for a few moments. "Oooh," Mickey finally mumbled. "Buuuuuurn."

Shooting them all a glare, Lucy huffed, "Whatever. Do what you want. After all, I'm not in charge of you, am I? Now, I need to go pick a job for us. Don't forget you promised to help, Mard." With that, she marched to the job board, her shoulders stiff.

Her chin pressed to the table and her arms dangling beneath it, Mickey looked up at the Underworld King. "Sorry. You two fighting?"

Mard glanced at the group, who were all staring at him with expressions of curiosity. "What do you plan to do with my subordinate?" he inquired.

"You're avoidin' the question." Mikuni waved his mug at the demon in accusation. "I can actually see Lucy's dark aura. And I think she's scarin' Nab."

"I am under no obligation to respond. However, you do need to tell me what you're planning to do with Jackal."

Chico rolled her eyes. "No... wonder she's mad," the mage remarked, her hovering spirits all nodding in agreement.

A flat stare was Mard's only response.

"We were gonna invite him to join our team on a job," Mickey explained, dropping the subject. "Found one that might be fun to do with him. Involves a lot of punching." She tilted her head so her cheek was pressed sideways into the table, and her horn accessories scraped against the wood. Pii-chan relocated himself to the back of her chair instead, finding her head a sub-par perch at the moment. "And maybe some blowing things up. But about Lucy..."

Mard raised an eyebrow. The woman appeared to have no trouble pronouncing Lucy's name now. Was the difficulty before fabricated? To what end?

"Make sure she stays safe in her job, okay? We all like her. Even went to war for her." A light laugh fell from the drunk's lips. "And for Levy... and Jet... and Droy, too." She paused for a second, perplexed. "Where was I going with this, again? What was my point? I had a point..." Extracting one arm from beneath the table, she waggled a finger at Mard. "I... am very drunk," she informed him with grave seriousness, right before bursting into giggles.

The demon gave the conversation up as a lost cause. So he turned and walked away without saying anything further. Not that Mickey or her friends seemed to notice, as Mickey now had her face pressed firmly into the tabletop and was still cackling like a mad thing. Honestly, it was almost a pity she was human. She was just as insane as the rest of his guild, Mard concluded. As far he was concerned, she was welcome to Jackal's dubious company and penchant for blowing things up.

Seeing as Lucy was still perusing the job board, Mard decided to speak with Mirajane. Perhaps she could shed some light on why Lucy was, indeed, emitting such a positively demonic aura.

Oh, Mard. So clueless. You really pissed her off.

Also, I like writing drunk people.