Hello, I am sorry that this took so long for me to post this. I was waiting for my Beta, but she has a life...well more importantly she has finals, which are more important this. So this is unbeta. Be warned. My grammar is not the best; however, I want to get this out since it took me so long to update.
Anyhow let me know what you think.
Chapter 30:
Repeating Death
All that Toni could recall was pure and complete darkness, and for a while, she thought she was dead. She thought the Arch reactor had stopped and she had gone to hell. She expected nothing else, as she was the reason why so many people were suffering. She deserved this punishment. She deserved to suffer for the pain that she had caused.
The genus tried to move, but she get anywhere. Either her body wasn't responding, or it was responding and she wasn't going anything anywhere, which was just as scary. "Help," she screamed, trying to move in the darkness. "HELLO!" she screamed, unable to make out her hands in front of her. "Is there anyone there?" she asked yelling, her voice shaking.
Her voice echoed in the darkness, leaving her to drown in her own voice. Though she could only hear herself, it was overwhelming, and she wanted- no, needed it to stop. She couldn't think or function as the echo got louder and louder. She tried to cover her ears, trying to block it out. However, it seemed to only get worse and she thought she was going to go crazy.
"M-make it stop," she cried, unable to take it. "It h-hurts." Her ears felt like they were on fire, and if she could feel her body, she would've sworn that her ears were bleeding. It was so intense that she couldn't feel anything besides pain. If she could speak or if someone could hear her, she would plead for her death. The sound was so deafening that she could no longer hear what the echoing words were.
She couldn't tell if she was speaking, or if words were even coming out of her mouth anymore. Even if they were, she wasn't sure what she would be saying. She wasn't even sure what specific words meant anymore as her mind felt like a haze. She didn't even know her name as all she knew was pain.
However, there was one thing that she knew. Even after losing feeling of her being, she knew she was screaming. She couldn't hear her scream, hear anything anymore really, but she was screaming. It was too much and she wished that the darkness would take her away. She wished this darkness would just end her as she couldn't take it anymore. It was too much. Just too much. It was-
"St..."
The pain started to die, and words started to make sense again; however, she still felt like surrounded by a heavy misty. Her mind felt weak, exhausted. She felt like she had been awake for…god knows how long.
"Star..."
There was that voice again, calling her name if that was her name.
"Stark," the man called again, but this time she felt something on her shoulder. She flinched under the touch, which was painful, but the man only seemed to squeeze harder. "She…to…a-waking…"
With the sudden return of feeling to her body, Toni's brain was spinning, and she couldn't make out completely what he was saying. Was he even referring to her? She wasn't sure. She wasn't sure of anything besides her growing headache.
"...the device…she…awakes."
It was the same voice that had called her name, but he wasn't talking to her. He was ordering someone to do something, though Toni wasn't sure what. All she knew was that the man was picking and pulling her into his warm chest.
"What…plan...to…do?" This time it was a different voice who was speaking, and like the last one, Toni didn't recognized this voice. However, she wasn't sure if this was just a trick that her mind was playing on her.
"Need…awake," the first one said, as he patted her cheek with something wet.
Pain was coursing through her, sending tremors down her body. Toni just wanted- no, needed it all to stop somehow so she could rest; however, she did not want to sleep. She didn't want to go back to that dark place. She didn't want to be alone with her guilt. Being alone was too much.
She groaned as he patted her cheek again. Why did this man keep hitting her? Did he not understand how annoying that was? "St-t-top," she muttered, her throat feeling like sand paper.
"There we go," the man said.
Toni squeezed her eyes as she suddenly felt the hot, beaming sunlight on her face. It was too bright, and she felt like her face were burning. She groaned again as she tried to move.
"Come on, Stark," the man said annoyed, his voice becoming clear. She was definitely sure now that she hadn't heard his voice before. She would've remembered his irritated voice. "We don't have time for this."
The genius was still having a difficult time putting things together. She wasn't sure of what was happening, besides the cold water running down her warm face.
"Sir," the second man started, "let's just take her and go."
"No, not the plan," the first one objected. "But get him to leave." Toni felt the man shift, like he was waving at something. "He shouldn't be here."
"I tried, but he won't leave." He sounded exasperated. "He almost attacked me."
Toni could tell the first man was furious at the second, and it worried her, but she wasn't sure why. There was no reason why she shouldn't trust the man, who was holding her. He only seemed to want her to move, which was what she wanted.
"Rollins," the first one snapped. "I don't care. Just get him out of here."
Toni could feel herself start to wonder again. Why did the first man want this other man gone? Did this man do something besides attacking Rollins? She had no idea but she knew she had to move. She had to open her eyes.
"Rumlow, he's seems interested in Stark."
The man now known as Rumlow dropped his hand from Toni's face, but he kept a firm grasp on her. "I don't care. Get him to return to base. We'll report it later."
"…Yes, Sir." Rollins responded.
Toni could hear him as he stepped away. What was it about this third man? Did he do something? Was that why Rollins sounded scared in approaching him?
Rumlow patted her face again, snapping her attention back to him. "Stark."
Her eyes flicked open, but they quickly closed as the sun beamed down on her. It was a painfully sunny day. Why couldn't they move her to a shady area? She groaned again as she tried to move but failing. She could feel herself twitched.
"Stark," the man said again.
Toni squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself to take a deep breath. She knew she was completely exhausted but she needed to found some hidden energy. She needed to figure out what was going on and how to get out of here. "F-fuck," she cursed as her head fell to the side. She groaned lightly, grateful that the sun was no longer directly in her eyes.
After a few deep breaths, Toni forced her eyes open, and with everything that she had, she kept them open. For a few long seconds, the light blinded her, but she wouldn't, refusing to close her eyes. She needed to focus, she needed to stay awake, she needed to protect herself. She concentrated. Picking a distant object, Toni stared, willing the shadow to take form. After a few long seconds of staring, it did take shape. It morphed into two shapes, and it looked, even from the distance, like the shapes were fighting.
"Time for you to get up, Stark," Rumlow said, clearly losing his patience. "We need to go."
The world around her spun again, and her head started to hurt yet again. Everything felt like it was trying to attack her and it took everything she had to keep her sanity. Still trying to focus, she stared at the two shapes, which had now turned into men. She knew she shouldn't be shocked by their presence, but she was. She was surprised by everything really. If she wasn't so exhausted, she would be amazed and laughing. She invented time travel for crying out loud; who wouldn't be dancing? Sure, she never wanted to do it again, but it was something.
Rumlow grabbed her by her arms and started to stand up slowly. "Time to go," he said, looking off into the distance. His face was crunched in anger, but he didn't say anything else.
Toni's legs felt like jello beneath her, and she couldn't stay on her feet, even with the man behind her holding her up. She closed her eyes again, trying to catch her breath. She just needed rest, but she couldn't. Not here. She needed to get back to her tower. Back to her suit. "k-k," she muttered, forcing her eyes open.
Without much thought, her eyes went back to the two men. Even if they were still a haze, she was able to make out certain details, though it was a battle to keep her eyes open. She could tell it was just one of the two that was yelling. The other one was just staring at…her with such an intense look that it felt like he was drilling into her. She tried to look away, but she couldn't. There was something about him that drew her in. Maybe, it was the weird silver sleeve he was wearing, which wasn't making any sense; however, it was still interesting.
Before she could make out his face, she was pulled from her thoughts, as Rumlow lifted her off her feet, drawing her hazy attention. It was battle to look at him, as sleep wanted to pull her in. She compelled herself to look at the man, who held her, and even if she was too exhausted to think clearly, there was something about him as well. Though she didn't get a good look at him, he had a well-trimmed body and rustic look to him that Toni had to say was attracted. There was no doubt that he had the charm to go with it, but there was something off.
Her head bobbed back, resting against his shoulder. The fabric of his uniform rubbed against her face, itching, but she had no energy to adjust. It was a battle to keep her eyes open as the man held her tight. She kept telling herself that she had to stay awake that something was off about him. She had to figure out who this man was, but her brain didn't want to function.
"Relax, Stark." Rumlow ordered, calmly though irritated.
The smart ass in her wanted to say something, but she couldn't. Not only were her words distance to her, her throat was sore. Her lips were quacked, and she could taste the blood whenever she opened her mouth. What was it about time travel? It was no wonder that she was out for the week when she traveled to the past. It completely drained her.
Toni glanced up at Rumlow, whose first name was still a mystery; however, she couldn't keep her focus as her head bobbed again. Her eyes felt heavy, and she knew sleep would soon be on her no matter what she focused on. There was no keeping her awake, even if she wondered what the hell the S.T.R.I.K.E. patch on Rumlow's uniform meant.
*O*O*
When Toni came too again, she didn't expect to be in a cheap hotel room, laying in a bed that probably saw more action then she had…Now, that thought gave her the willies, and she didn't want to think about the possible bugs that could be living in this room. She had heard the horror stories about cheap hotels, though if she were to be honest it wasn't just the cheap places. However, she was in denial about that. Deep Denial.
But that wasn't the point and she knew it. Now that her mind was clear, she needed to figure out where she was, and who had her. Could she be with those guys from before? She didn't think so, as they didn't seem like the type to stay in a cheap hotel. Sure, they looked like the government type, and the government wasn't one to spend the big bucks on hotel rooms, but there was no way that they were stay in a place like this. So where was she?
At least, her nightmares were gone for the night and she dreamt of nothing, absolutely nothing. Her mind was a blank. From her exhaustion, Toni fell into a deep sleep with no thought, and she was able to sleep without her terrors. She was able to sleep for once, which was a weird feeling. For her, it was weird to be rested.
Shaking her head, Toni pushed herself up by her elbows. Even with the rest, she could feel her worn-out body fight her. Her body shock, but she pushed through them. She needed to figure out where she was and what was going on. She also needed to check her reactor to make sure it was working properly, though if it wasn't she would be dead.
"You're up. I thought you would be out for days."
Toni's heart raced, not knowing that someone was in the room, and in her surprised, her arms gave way and she collapsed back onto the bed. "Shit," she cursed. Not wasting any time, she tried to push herself, but before she could, she felt a set on hands on her, keeping her stil.
"Here, let me help."
"I got this," she stared, glaring at his helping hand. She was struggling with him, not sure of who this person was.
"Relax."
Toni let out a groan, giving in and accepting his offer. "Okay, but you so need to buy me dinner first," she replied, relaxing in his grasp. With a deep breath and pushing slightly, she allowed him to get her into a sitting position.
"I think it's too late for that. You're already in bed," he said with a wink.
Even with a sore throat, Toni laughed. Why couldn't everyone joke around with her like this? Jokes were nice, a good distraction. "I'm never that easy. You see I love a good chase. It keeps it fun," she said with a smile, a calculated smile.
She studied the man next to him, and though this was all guess work, Toni could tell he had some kind of training. He looked like he could take on half of her highly paid, private security at the same time. He wasn't as big as half of her team, but he was built. She could see his well-defined biceps a mile away, and she had no doubt he had the abs to match as well. His dark skin flattered the tones of his muscles, and there was no denying he was an attractive man.
"Oh, does it?" he asked, not stepping back from her. "Why don't you tell me how?"
Before Toni could respond, the door to the hotel room jolted open, startling her, and before she could react or speak, two elderly men walked in. "Watch it, Trip. She's the Cap's girl," one of the older man replied.
Toni's eyebrow rose as she listened to the two old men. Did they just call her the 'Cap's girl?' She was in no way, shape or form Rogers' anything. Yes, they had a better understanding of each other, but if anyone was his girl, it was Peggy, who was his last kiss- that she knew. Besides, she didn't deserve to be his anything when she was the reason why he was trapped in this time. She was also the reason why he lost his best friend, even if no one blamed her. "Cap's girl, am I?"
"Of course, I don't think there was ever a time you weren't," the same elderly said with a smile.
Shaking her head, Toni stared at the two elderly man, not able to shake the feeling that she knew them from somewhere. Not one to make friends with elders (or anyone), she didn't know many elderly people besides the people sitting on her board of directors. "I'm not anyone's girl."
"I think it was the poker game that sold it for me," the other one said.
The words 'Poker Game' rang in her head, and she thought back to every single game she had played. There was only one that popped into her head. "Dugan, Jones, is that you? Geez, you two looked horrible. Time didn't do you two any favors."
Jones laughed. "Shit, we still got the last name treatment."
Dugan took a wobbly step forward with his tatty cane pointing toward her. "Watch it, young lady. I'm your elder."
Toni let out a weak laugh as she adjusted herself. "Me watch myself? You don't know me every well, do you?" she asked.
Trig let out a howling laugh as he stepped back and turned to Gabe and Dum Dum. "I wasn't aware you knew Toni Stark personally, Grandpa. Geez, who else do you know? Do you know the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders? If so, you should totally introduce me to me."
"Grandpa? One of you two reproduced?" Toni asked, shocked. "Who was the unlucky lady? Who do I need to send the flowers to?"
Jones chuckled as he stepped toward the end of the bed. "Hey, now," he said, also unsteady on his feet. "I was quite a catch back in the day."
"I don't know about that, Gabe," Dugan stated, leaning on his cane. "And I think Toni and I can agree on that. You were chasing the women away."
Toni took a deep breath, feeling her exhaustion creep back on her. Trying to shake it off, she placed her hands palm down on the bed and pushed up. She held herself there as her arms begun to shake beneath her. She pushed herself back into the headboard, trying to knock herself awake, but no one noticed as all eyes were on Dugan and Jones.
Jones gave Dugan a look. "Hey, I found a beautiful woman and started an amazing family. Just look at my grandson for one. I don't see you with any grandchildren."
"Why would I settle down with just one lady, when I can have many?" Dugan asked. "Besides, I do have Nancy. She loves me." He let out a chuckle, leaning on his old, wooden cane.
Toni's hands shook and gave out, and she fell back into the cheap hotel bed which felt like a rock. "Hey, now. If I can't sell tickets, there'll be no old man fight."
Trip gave her a look before shaking his head. "I don't believe my mother would forgive me if I let my grandfather get into a fight with a fellow Commando," he said, exasperated.
Jones let out a sigh as he wobbled to his grandson. Each step looked painful to the old man, but he never showed it on his face. He was all smiles. "And we can't have that," he said, rubbing Trip's bold head. "Why don't you have hair?" he teased. "This would be better if you had hair."
Toni blinked her eyes a few times, trying to keep herself awake. It was a battle that she knew she would lose again, and this time, she doubt she would have another dreamless sleep. "Hey, I think he looks good without hair. I do say he is dreamier without it."
Trip laughed. "See, Grandpa. I can't disappoint the famous Toni Stark."
Dugan's hand tightened around his cane. "Careful. I don't think Captain Rogers is willing to share."
Even in her tired status, Toni felt herself twitch. Why were they under the impression that she belonged to Rogers? That they belong together? There was nothing between Rogers and her besides pain, pain that she had caused. It was all that she did. She was the reason for so much pain in the world. "I don't know about that. Rogers loves his sharing."
"Something tells me that you'll be a hand full for Steve," Jones said.
"Wait, what does Trip do? Maybe, he could take Rogers." Jones and Dugan gave her a look. "Geez, can none of you take a joke?" she said, letting out a sigh.
Trip laughed. "I don't know about that, but I'm a Shield Agent. Agent Antoine Triplett at your service."
"I knew it! I knew you were the government type," Toni said with a first pump. She was glad that she wasn't lost her touch, after all this time. "You have that vibe to you."
"O' really. Shit," he said. "That's my worst nightmare."
"Really that's your worst nightmare?" she asked. "…Okay, that's pretty scare. Who wants to be the man?"
Trip opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Dugan took a step forward. "Trip, can your Grandfather and I have a word with Ms. Stark alone?"
Giving the three of them a look, the young man nodded. "Yes, Sir," he replied. "I'll be outside, getting the car ready to leave."
*O*O*
"So you're saying that you found me in Camp Lehigh alone?" Toni asked, trying to make sense of what was going on in her head. No, that didn't make sense because she remembered the men in uniform. She remembered the strange man with the silver sleeve…Or…maybe, it was all in her head. She was half away out of it when she came too.
"Yes," Jones said from his seat at an old, wooden table. "We found you on the ground unconscious, and for a second, we feared you were dead."
Toni's head started to hurt as she replayed the interaction with the S.T.R.I.K.E. team, trying to see if it really was all in her head. If it wasn't, then why the hell did they leave her on the ground? And who the hell was this team? "And my device?" she asked, slowly kicking her feet over the bed.
Dugan, sitting on the end of the bed, eyed her as she attempted to get up. "You need to rest, Stark." He said.
"Rest? I don't need to rest. I need to find my device." Narrowing Dugan eyes, he lifted his cane and smack her in the legs. "OUCH!" she yelled mockingly as she glared him. "What was that for?" she asked, pulling her legs to her chest.
"You need to rest," Dum Dum stated, keeping his cane close. "Your father gave specific instructions."
Toni's eyes widened at the sound of that, and her heartbeat begun to race at the mention of her father. Did her warning worked? Did he hear her? Was he live? If so, where was he? She wanted to see him. She needed to see him.
"Besides," Jones started, "we didn't see any device. There were some metals shards on the ground, but that could be from anything."
Nothing that Jones said was clicking with Toni as she was focused on her father, who she was dying to see. She couldn't forget how soft and caring he was to her, when she needed it the most. "Where's my father?" she asked, unable to keep it in.
Jones and Dugan's faces fell as they glanced toward each other, giving the other a look. With a deep breath, Dugan turned toward Toni, his hand inching closer to her. He paused a few inches from her knee, as he closed his eyes. He took a deep breath before he opened his eyes again. "Toni," Dugan said, carefully.
If possible, it looked like the Howling Commando was getting older and older with each passing second. As Toni eyed him, she knew the answer to her question and she felt sick. "He's dead."
Jones lean forward, looking like he was trying to get up but failing. "Toni," he called, softly.
Toni felt her heart skip a beat, as her whole world fell on her. Sure, she knew she shouldn't have expected things to be different, but she couldn't help it. She expected her father to have listened, she expected him to be alive, but she knew she was stupid for thinking he could be alive. She was stupid for getting her hopes up, especially when she let him die. She could have warned sooner, but she didn't. "It's fine," she replied. "Just need to get back to my tower."
"Toni," Dugan called, putting his cane back in front of him.
She didn't want to deal with her emotions and she would do anything to hide from them. Her guilt was the enemy and she would find a way to rid herself of it. The first thing she would do was not talk about him. "You said my device is gone? Hopefully, it's really destroyed. If not, I'll take it bomb to it," she said, trying to put a smile on.
Jones placed a hand on the old wooden table and pushed up. "Toni."
The Genius let herself relax as she strengthened her legs. "So what were my father's instructions?" she asked. The Howling commandos gave each other a look, which Toni did not like. She was not a child, who needed protection. She would take care of herself.
"He just wanted to make sure that someone was here to meet you when you returned, and he wanted to make you didn't overwork yourself. He knew you would try to do too much too soon. He had strict list of things he didn't want you to try. Sure, he wanted it to be him to meet you to calm you down, but…" Dugan trailed off.
Oh, she knew. She didn't need them to tell her that. She didn't need for them to tell her anything else. She just needed them to get her back to the tower. "How did he know what time I would sure up in?" She ask, thinking about which time she had selected. Today was not the time she was hoping for. She was shooting for March 18.
Dum Dum gave Gabe a look before he glanced to Toni. "He rigged it."
Toni felt the air leave her lungs. "W-what?" she asked, shocked. Her brain couldn't wrap itself around what he had just said.
"He figured you might try something, so he wanted to make sure you would only end up where you're supposed to."
Toni felt her heart race. How did her father know that she was going to try to do something? How the hell did he know? Why did he keep besting her every freaking time? Why did she always lose? Even when she won, she always seem to lose. She was meant to be alone in her pain, wasn't she? "Selfish Asshole," she said, hiding her pain with her anger. Why didn't he let her save him? Did he hate her or something? What was it? "Did he not think I could do it on my own? That I couldn't do the impossible? I wish he was here so I can punch him. He denied me of my greatness. The asshole." Her tears were close to the surface, but she refused to let them out.
Dugan eyed her. "Toni, you don't have to lie."
Jones wobbled to his feet as he stepped to Toni. "We can talk about if you like?"
Talking was the last thing she wanted to do. The first was blowing up her device, if it wasn't already destroyed. The second was burning the blue prints. After that, she wanted to get wasted until she forget who she was. Oh, she couldn't wait until she could forget. She wanted to forget everything. "No, but we can talk about your grandson if you like," she said with a wink.
Dugan let out a chuckle. "I think if you ended up with Trip, Gabe would go crazy."
Jones' eye twitched. "I did not bring my grandson for you to flirt."
"So why did you bring your very attractive grandson then?" Toni asked. Yes, Trip was attractive; however, Toni was anything but attracted to him. She had no desire whatsoever to do anything with that Shield Agent, even if she acted like she did. This was just a game to Toni, so she could hide her feelings. It was one of the many masks that she worn to protect herself. She didn't know what she would without her masks. "Just to tease me?" She would need to make another mask to hide her guilt.
"No, we needed someone to drive us. Nancy wouldn't let us leave without one, and I'll never disobey Nancy," Dugan stated, soft and sweetly.
Toni's eyes twitched as the sound of his voice. It was sickly sweet. "Who is this Nancy? And do I need to save her from you?" she asked.
Jones laughed. "She's his nurse, and I think she can handle him."
"You never let me have any fun," Dugan said, pushing down on his cane.
"And is Nancy your nurse as well?" Toni asked, sliding to the end of the bed. She eyed his cane, watching for any sudden movements. She was too tired to block or avoid the hit, and she didn't want another bruise on her shins.
Unable to walk any faster than snail, Jones stepped slowly to the struggling Dugan, who was unsteady on his feet. "I live with my daughter. Only unloved people end up in the nursing home."
Toni smiled lightly, enjoying her time with the commando, as they could always make her smile. Her only wished was that she couldn't feel. "You two have such a nice relationship," she said, mockingly.
Dugan laughed. "Yes, we do. Now let's get you back to the Cap."
She groaned, not understanding why they felt the need to force Rogers and her together. Seeing him was the last thing she wanted. She didn't want see his face, his understanding….his…love, though she doubted he could ever truly love her. How could anyone? She didn't think she could take it, even if he did. How could she explain to him that she let his best friend die? That she allowed her father to die? And on top of that, she left him frozen in ice for over 70 years instead of returning him to his rightful time to his rightful person.
The image of Peggy and Rogers kissing replayed in her head, and Toni couldn't help but think they belonged together. It probably wouldn't happened if Toni didn't time traveled to the past. They probably would've done more than just kiss if she wasn't there. They might've been something, if she didn't ruin it, which was what she did. Toni always seemed to ruin something, just by looking at it.
"I don't know about the Capsicle part, but I would love to get back to my own king size bed," she said, kicking her feet over the side. "And a nice large steak with a glass of whiskey."
"You will see in time," Dugan said with a knowing smile.
The only thing Toni could think about was the whiskey in her bedroom. It was a 100 year old whiskey that she hid so no one would find it. She was saving it for a time when she wanted to forget everything, and after becoming Iron Man, she never thought she would need it, but now, she wanted it. She wanted to drink and never remember the pain. She wanted to forget everything. She wanted to forget the hollow feeling inside of her, the feeling that she would be completely alone for it was the punishment that she needed. Not even Pepper or Rhodey could relief her of that pain.
"Let's getting going before the handsome Shield Agent gets bored and leaves without us," Toni said, getting to her feet.
*O*O*
"Are you okay?" Trip asked, not looking back.
In a haze, Toni found herself sitting in a backseat of a Sudan staring out at the busy streets of New York City. She had just awaken from another bad dream, which was the norm for her. "Peachy," she replied, as she slowly pushed herself off the door. She felt like an old lady as her bones cracked.
"Don't push yourself," Dugan said from the seat next to her. He was giving her a worried look.
Toni put on a smile as she looked ahead. She could see her tower ahead of them, and it gave her hope. She would soon be in her lab again, where she could hide from the world, and once she had her Iron Man suit, she would fly back to the camp to look for herself. It wasn't like she didn't believe them about her device being destroyed; she just had to go back and check. She had to see it for herself. She needed to work out that false memory of those S.T.R.I.K.E. men from her head. "That my friend is the definition of being a Stark. I would've thought all of that time with my father would've taught you that."
"Yes, you're father had taught us a few things, though I don't know if we would use any of it," Jones said from the front passenger seat.
"Like how to drive in style?" she asked, pressing herself into the back of the seat. "This is not my style. I can't afford to be seen in this. What would people say?"
Trip laughed from the driver seat. "My Shield paycheck can't afford your style, besides I like this car. It's the kind of car that no one pays attention to."
"But I love attention. Makes me feel love." Toni shrugged. "But your lost."
Dugan laughed. "Let's just get you home."
Toni didn't reply, still feeling slightly ill. She wasn't quite sure of why; maybe it was her reactor, which worried her. She hadn't had the chance to check yet, not that she could do much without a lab. Her only hope was that Bruce was there to check it for her. She wasn't in the right mindset to check it herself, and besides, she wanted to get wasted as quickly as possible. She couldn't check her reactor and drink at the same time.
*O*O*
As the four of them stepped into one of the elevators in Stark Tower, Toni whipped the heavy, 1940 military jacket off. She ignored the look that Trip, Jones, and Dugan was giving her. She wasn't sure if it was because she threw it aside so vigorously or rather they were worried about her. She was still a little ify on her feet, though she wasn't sure if it was because she was still tired or if her nightmares were getting to her.
The jack landed in the corner just as the doors to the elevator opened. "Home sweet home," Toni cheered as she stepped out of the elevator.
"Are you just going to leave that there?" Trip asked, turning to the coat.
"Why not?" Toni replied. "This is my tower. It is my elevator. I can leave whatever I want wherever I want."
Dugan laughed. "She does have a point," he said.
Trip shook his head as he picked up the coat. "So? Didn't your mother teach you not to leave things laying around? I know my mother would kill me if I did."
"This is true," Jones said, laughing.
Toni felt her eye twitch as Trip mentioned her mother. Why did everyone always mention her mother in regards to her manners? "JARVIS, mommy's home."
Almost immediately, the AI responded, "Ms. Stark. It is a pleasure to see you again."
If Toni didn't know better, she would've thought JARVIS was ecstatic to see her. "Geez, JARVIS. It sounds like you missed me. Was life unbearable without me? I don't doubt it. The rest of the Avengers don't know how to party. They had my whole tower all to themselves and they probably didn't even throw one party, did they?"
"No, Miss. They did not. They did not listen to any of my suggestions, and it was quite boring without you. I am glad that you are back." JARVIS replied, his voice not coming from any particular location.
Dugan and Jones laughed behind her, while Trip eyed the scene in front of him. Toni was now at a panel on the wall typing away at something.
"Did anyone else miss me?" Toni asked, ignoring her beating heart. Her chest felt constricted, and her reactor felt heavier than usual. "Wait, what am I saying? Of course, they missed me."
"You would not be wrong, Miss," the AI replied. "Captain Rogers took it exceptionally hard as well as Miss. Potters."
Rogers was the last name she wanted to hear, and she would do anything not to see him. She wouldn't be able to take the look in his eyes. "Is he in the tower?" She asked, hoping he wasn't.
"Yes, Miss. His current location is on the 97 level in the weight lifting room."
Dugan's head popped up. "Which way is that? He would want to know about your arrival."
"If you want to see Rogers, you can head down," Toni replied. It came out harsher then she intended, but she hoped she got her point across. "Just take the elevator down."
Jones gave Dugan a shake of the head, silencing his friend. Dugan looked like he wanted to protest as he leaned heavily on his cane, but he remained quiet as the two elderly Commandos stared at each other. With a deep breath, Jones replied, "That we shall. Will you be fine while we visit an old friend? Trip can help you-"
Toni shook her head. "No, I can take care of myself, besides JARVIS will sound the alarm or something. Trust me, he is worse than a big brother, which was something I never wanted," she said with a smile.
Trip gave her a look as he handed her the military coat. "Are you sure?"
She let out a sigh before she took the coat. She wasn't interested in playing the 'I like to be handed things,' as she just wanted them to leave her alone. "I know I'm hot, but you don't need to fall over your feet for me," she said as she fanned herself with her free hand.
"You're a hand full," Trip replied.
"Oh, yes, she is," Dugan replied. "I almost feel sorry for Steve. He doesn't know what he's getting himself into it."
Toni's eye was twitching. She had enough of him pushing her to Rogers, who she didn't want to see. She just wanted her whiskey, which she would have soon. "Why don't you go bug him now?"
After few long minutes of Toni trying to get the Howling Commandos and Trip to leave, they finally left, and for a while, she just watched as they walked away. She was annoyed at their slow pace, but she knew there was nothing that she could do and she was angry for nothing. Dugan and Jones were allowed to be slow in their old age, but it was painful to watch how slow they were, when she could remember them so young.
"Are you okay, Miss?" JARVIS asked as the three men stepped onto the elevator.
They were so close to death that it freaked Toni out. "JARVIS, is there anyone else in the tower?" she asked, trying to get her mind on something else.
"Yes. Mr. Banner is in the robotic lab on the west side," JARVIS replied.
Toni's eyes widened as she never expected him to be in the robotic lab. He was not an engineer in any sense of the word, and there were other labs that he would've liked better. "Good, I need to see him."
"Shall I alert him that you are on your way, Miss?"
"No, I'll surprise him," she said with a smile. She wanted to see his face when she stepped into the lab. "And get the Mark 7 prepared. After I see Bruce, there's somewhere that I need to be."
"Miss," JARVIS started, "It would be unwise for you to go out in your present state."
Toni could have sworn that the AI had a tone. "Just do it, JARVIS."
"Miss."
"What?" she asked, annoyed.
"The Mark 7 is not currently in the tower."
"What do you mean not in the tower? Where the hell is my suit?" she asked annoyed. She didn't care how long she was gone for. No one touched her suits, no matter what. Sure, Pepper and Rhodey had permission to fly the suit, but they knew better than to just take it.
"Colonel Rhodes," the AI replied, "is currently flying the Mark 7."
Toni's eyes twitched. "Why?" She asked, giving the JARVIS a look. "…Wait, scratch that. It doesn't matter, because I don't share for any reason. Sharing is not caring."
"Understood, Miss. How would you like to proceed?"
"Take away Rhodes access immediately. I don't know why I gave it to him in the first place." Usually, she wouldn't be this upset at the thought of Rhodey in her suit, but right now, she was pissed. She needed it to escape before anyone could stop her. She knew she was being stupid, but she couldn't deal with her emotions. It felt like her father had died all over again. It felt like she had lost everything again.
"The Colonel is currently in a combat mode. Removal of access now would-"
"Fine," Toni snapped. "Wait until he's out of combat and not in any danger. Less than mile away from the nearest Quinjet. Let's make him walk, because again, sharing is not caring, and I don't share well," She replied, turning to the elevator.
"I am aware that you do not, Miss," JARVIS replied, dryly.
Toni was definitely reading a tone with him now, but she was aware that it could all be in her head. "You just have to hope that you didn't let anyone else touch my stuff as then I might have to explode, JARVIS. I know Clint has been eyeing my Private selection of alcohol," she said as she stepped into the elevator. She didn't have any time to waste. She had to get her reactor checked out.
Then she would be getting drunk ass wasted in the hopes that she could forgot, forget that her father was dead. To forget that she was a failure yet again. She wanted to forget all the lives that were lost because of her.
Author Note:
PLEASE DON'T KILL ME. I had heard you all about Howard, but there was no way that I could keep him alive without changing Toni. I will miss him too. :(
Also the first section, I am not too sure about it. I wanted to show Toni in a complete darkness and I am not sure if it came out like that.
I hope you enjoy this. I again was struggling with making her feel guilty and but keeping her witty. Tell me what you think.
And I couldn't help but use Trip. I loved him and I dislike Agent of Shields for killing him.
Until next time.