Chapter 4
A/N: This story will likely go on for many chapters as I plan to fill in those 15 years between the end of Mockingjay and the epilogue. They won't all be sexytimes but obviously I had to get that out of the way sooner or later! I just wanted to share my own take on the trials and tribulations of those missing years between the end of the war and when they had children. I can't imagine it was EVER easy and this idea of the red X has been rambling around in my head for a few months.
Hope you are enjoying so far!
The next few weeks flew by in a blur. Peeta told me that he was working with the builders in town, drawing up plans to rebuild the bakery. I told him it was a wonderful idea. He was already feeding most of the district, using the kitchen in his un-used home next door to do all of his baking during the day while I hunted and traded my game to the various trades people who had begun returning to district twelve and rebuilding. When it boiled down to it, 12 was still their home, just as it was ours.
I offered to help him and he seemed genuinely touched. Even Haymitch offered to look over the floor plans we'd worked on during the day whenever he came over for dinner.
"Surprised you two get anything constructive done during the day…" he mumbled on one such night as he laid the plans out on the recently cleared dining table.
Peeta and I both blushed and cut glances at each other before turning back to the plans. Truth be told, nothing had really happened between us since that morning at Haymitch's. The next day was when Peeta had told me about his plans to rebuild the bakery and we had been focusing all of our attention on that. We still shared the same bed at night but between trips back and forth to town, talking to the builders about what materials would be used, picking out kitchen equipment to order from the capitol and of course talking to Effie on the phone about tasteful decorating ideas, we were both exhausted by the time we got home at night and barely made it to bed before we passed out.
One nice side effect of being so busy was that Peeta hadn't had any episodes. Whether he was too tired or his mind was occupied with so many other things, we didn't know, but neither of us said anything for fear that bringing it up might scare the demons in his mind back up.
"This is looking real good kids." Haymitch said looking over the plans that had just been finalized that afternoon. "I'm real proud of ya." He said in that gruff way he always used when he was trying to cover real emotions. Peeta and I both had to stifle a chuckle as we looked at each other over Haymitch's ducked head. He nodded a few more times as he continued to check the plans.
Peeta and I slipped into the kitchen to wash dishes together and I smiled towards the living room when I heard the stereo switch on and the creak of Haymitch settling himself into the recliner beside it.
"He acts like he doesn't need anyone but you notice we always end up babysitting him until it's time to send him back to pass out at his own house?" I teased, scrubbing the dishes clean and placing them in the rack for Peeta to dry. I was starting on the silverware when I felt Peeta's strong arms wrap around my middle and his nose nuzzle the line of my jaw. I smiled and melted back into him, stilling my hands in the soapy water.
"He's just a big teddy bear…all growl on the outside; soft, cushy stuffing inside…" he murmured against the shell of my ear and then kissed his way across my cheek until I turned my head to catch his lips. We deepened our kisses as my hands remained in the water and I sighed softly when Peeta pushed his hips against my backside.
"Hey…" I whispered pulling back from the kiss finally. "That was nice, what's the occasion?" I teased, grabbing the dishtowel and drying off my hands before I turned in his arms.
"What, I need a reason to kiss my girlfriend?" Peeta whispered back and leaned in to kiss me again. Before I could respond, his lips were on mine and my hands went to his shoulders to steady myself. "I'm sorry I haven't been paying much attention to you…this way lately." He murmured against my lips. "We've just been so busy with the new bakery…" He explained and I nodded.
"It's fine Peeta. I've been just as exhausted as you when we get home at night." I smiled and stroked his chest. "It's not for lack of interest, believe me." I sighed and ran my hands up across his shoulders and down to his biceps, squeezing the muscles he'd developed during weeks of lifting and moving supplies to begin building. I could feel his eyes on me, watching me as I touched his arms. When they slid down to his hands, Peeta grasped my hands in his, entwining our fingers.
"Not on my part either." He sighed and rubbed his thumbs over the backs of each hand he held at our sides. I leaned in to kiss him again and heard a soft huff in the doorway to the living room.
"Honestly, can't you wait till I leave?" Haymitch asked and Peeta and I pulled back from each other and turned two pairs of annoyed eyes his way. Haymitch was pulling a light jacket on and reaching for the cane he'd been carrying around to herd the geese. We could hear them honking on the lawn, likely waiting for their own dinner to be served.
"Sure." Peeta said with a smirk and nodded towards the door. "Bye." He said tersely and Haymitch raised his nose in the air.
"Fine, I know when I'm not wanted." He huffed and made sure to poke Peeta lightly in the side with his cane as he passed by us. Peeta released one of my hands to swat the cane away and smiled as Haymitch opened the door.
"Night Haymitch." Peeta called after him sweetly and Haymitch waved a hand at us, letting the door slam shut behind him. "He's always slamming doors at us." Peeta chuckled. "I can't be sure, but I think it means he likes us." He said leaning in to capture my lips again.
"Something like that." I joked before deepening the kiss. "Come on…" I murmured against his lips. "The rest of the dishes can wait until morning."
Peeta pulled back and looked down into my eyes, searching them to see what I was thinking. "Kay." He said with a nod and let me lead him out of the kitchen and out into the living room where the stereo and T.V. were still on, the foot rest of the recliner still kicked out. Peeta frowned and rolled his eyes.
"Gee, thanks for cleaning up before you leave, Haymitch." He said to himself and released my hand to go roll up the plans still spread out on the table. While he did that, I moved around the room, straightening up after our messy neighbor. I folded up a newspaper, turned off the T.V. and decided to leave the recliner how it was. I moved across the room, dropping into it and turning off the light beside it but not the stereo.
I could hear Peeta storing the plans back in the hutch in the dining room and looked up when I heard him re-enter the living room. He smiled at me stretched out on the recliner and folded his arms as he leaned against the wall. "Room for one more on there?" He asked with a nervous lilt to his voice.
"Always." I said patting the armrest and scooted over to let him climb onto the chair with me. I snuggled into his side as the song on the stereo changed, tangling my feet with his and pushing our socks off.
"You have funny looking feet." Peeta said out of nowhere and I lightly bit his chest with a grin.
"Hey!" I laughed and rubbed my 'funny looking feet' against his and snuck my small hands out from under his back to start tickling his ribs. "If you consider that a come on line, your pick-up skills need work!" I turned over to straddle his hips as he howled with laughter, trying to squirm away from my hands.
He finally caught a hold of my wrists and crossed my arms so that they were pinned to my chest, both of us breathing heavily from the exertion. "Really? Cause it looks like teasing you about your feet got you right where I want you." He grinned proudly through disheveled bangs and raised his hips up against mine so that I could feel his excitement. I moaned quietly, pressing my hips down onto his in response.
"Mmm…yeah, wow…" I chuckled biting my bottom lip, my arms still pinned to my chest. "I must be slipping." I teased and tried to pull my arms away from him. I put on my best pout when he held fast.
"Give up?" Peeta asked tugging me forward so that our faces were closer, but not close enough for me to lean in and kiss him. Bastard. I sighed and looked across the room, pretending to think about it and shifted my hips again, rubbing against him in what could have been seen as a harmless attempt to get more comfortable, but Peeta knew better. He stifled a moan of his own and tightened his hold on my wrists slightly.
"Alright, alright! You win!" I growled and just like that, he released my arms and our mouths crashed together in a searing kiss. I gripped the back of Peeta's neck with one hand as the other crept to where his jeans and t-shirt met, slipping underneath the shirt. I lightly scratched my short fingernails over his tight abdomen and then quickly switched gears, digging my fingers into his armpit. Peeta broke the kiss with a very unmanly screech of laughter and bodily turned us over so that I was underneath him.
"That was cheating!" He growled and wiggled both of his hands down to grip my hips, squeezing them and making me kick wildly, laughing almost to the point of hysterics. "You'll have to be punished…" Peeta said with mock sadness and pulled back to look down into my face, both of us breathing heavy again from all the laughter.
"Oh yeah?" I said finding it difficult to hide my enjoyment of this little game.
"Oh yeah." Peeta said with a nod and slipped both of his hands, palm down at the hem of my shirt underneath the material slowly. At the feel of his warm, calloused fingertips on my belly, I stopped squirming and the silly smile on my face fell a little, the mood changing from playful to crackling with sexual tension like a flash of lightning. He moved his hands achingly slow, pushing my shirt up until it was bunched up under my chin. I could feel the cool night air filling the room from the open windows on my torso and gooseflesh spread across the exposed skin. Peeta smiled at my response and reached a hand underneath my back and popped the clasp on my bra before gently removing my arms from the sleeves of the shirt and lifting it over my head. The bra followed and he tossed both over the back of the chair towards the stairs to the second floor.
He took a moment to pull back and look me over and I let my hands fall above my head, letting him look as long as he pleased. I was his and I didn't want there to be a shred of doubt in his mind about that.
When he seemed to have been satisfied with the response he saw in my body as well as my eyes, Peeta moved one hand to easily clasp both of mine against the chair where they were resting above my head. With the other he stroked his fingers over my abdomen, smiling when he dipped his pinkie into my navel and continued up to circle each breast with his knuckles. I couldn't stop the arch of my back if I'd wanted to, nor the little mewls of pleasure that slipped past my lips.
"Peeta…" I gasped and let my eyes flutter shut at his touch. I didn't need them open to hear the smile in his voice as he hushed me and lowered his lips to the peak of one breast, laving it with his tongue until I felt I was about to burst only to then release it and move onto the other. When he sensed I was close, he would again shift his attention to the other breast.
Punishment my ass, this was torture.
"Please…please…" I begged, my hands struggling for release just like my body was. I tried to raise my hips again only to have them pinned to the chair like my hands.
"No more tickling?" Peeta asked with a warning in his voice and to punctuate the question, pressed his growing hardness against one of my pinned legs.
"No more tickling." I promised. "Just let me touch you." I groaned and struggled to free my hands once more. Peeta had shown pretty considerable restraint throughout this little exchange, but as soon as I asked to touch him, his calm exterior came crashing down and he released me immediately.
"Always." He said with a ragged sigh and caught my lips in a searing hot kiss. I wrapped my arms around his back, gathering the hem of his shirt as I moved my hands upwards and yanked the shirt over his head. I made a noise of frustration when I felt the shirt catch on something around Peeta's neck, and pulled back from our kissing trying to see what it was.
My eyes immediately filled with tears when I saw, in the moonlight filling the room, just what had hindered me on my goal to undressing him. On a thin silver chain, clearly more suited to a woman's neck than a man's, was my pearl. Held by a claw-shaped setting and dangling in the space between Peeta's collar bones.
He watched me cautiously as I reached out to touch it with my fingertips and then leaned forward to kiss it like I had a million times when his lips weren't there to kiss me back.
"Now you can keep us both safe for as long as you'll have us." He whispered, sitting up around my hips a little and reaching behind his neck to unhook the chain. I wiped my eyes and sat up as gracefully as I could, topless and with snot running from my nose.
I nodded as he hooked the chain around my neck and I touched it again with the fingertips of one hand and with the other, ran fingertips over his lips that were as soft as the pearl.
"Forever Peeta, I'll keep you both forever." I sniffed and finally pulled him close so that our bare torsos were pressed firmly together, the coolness of the pearl digging into one of my own collar bones as we kissed passionately.
After a few more minutes of kissing, Peeta climbed from the chair, pulling me up with him and hoisted me into his arms so that my legs went around his hips at the waist of his jeans and his arms were wrapped around my naked upper half. We kissed and pawed at each other as he stumbled towards the stairs, hoisting me higher on his body before he started climbing the steps as fast as his prosthetic would carry us.
I focused on kissing his neck and shoulders while he kept his eyes on the top of the landing.
"I love you." He grunted as we slammed into the closed bedroom door. I moaned and pulled back to look into his eyes. He'd never heard me say it back while he was awake and I wanted to make sure he heard me loud and clear now.
"I love you too, Peeta. More than anything." I breathed and dropped my legs down so that I could stand. His answering smile could have lit the whole house.
While Peeta was reaching around me for the doorknob, I reached for the fly of his jeans and hastily pushed them to the ground, followed by my own. We stumbled into the bedroom, kicking our pants from our feet as we went and fell onto the bed together with nothing except our thin underwear between us.
"Katniss…" He whispered and it felt like a question. A question that could only be asking for permission to cross that final line.
I answered him by reaching into the nightstand for that box Haymitch had given him several weeks earlier and removing one of the small packages from inside. I placed it on top of the comforter beside us and moved up the bed so that my head was resting on the pillows and opened my arms to him.
Peeta swallowed nervously and crawled up the bed to hover over me. "Just let me know if you need me to stop." He whispered, kissing his way across my shoulders and then pecking me on the lips gently.
I nodded, just as nervous as he was, and reached down for the edges of my panties and started to slide them down. Peeta's hands stilled my progress and I looked up into his eyes, narrowing my own in confusion.
"Please let me do that." He begged and I dropped my hands to the bed, gripping the comforter in my fists and nodding vehemently.
With unbelievable gentleness, Peeta hooked his forefingers into either side of my underwear and slowly began to slide them down my thighs, kissing his way from my shoulders to my breasts, and down my flat belly as he went. He ghosted a kiss over my aching center, down my inner thighs and stopped at my feet. He smiled against my instep, probably thinking of the joke about my funny feet that had begun this encounter, and nipped at my big toe as he pushed the balled up panties aside at the edge of the mattress.
He stood slowly at the end of the bed, never taking his eyes off of me as he reached down and unhooked his prosthetic first and then pushed his boxers to the ground. I lay there looking him over. Lingering on some of his more prominent scars, tracing the rounded stump where his real leg ended with my eyes.
He stood there for a moment just letting me take in the sight of him and smiled when my eyes landed on his throbbing erection. I couldn't help the blush that rose to my cheeks as I thought about it being inside of me. More to the point, how on Earth it would fit.
"Like I said…" Peeta whispered kneeling on the bed and crawling up to me. "Let me know if you need me to stop." He said with jagged breath and brushed his nose against mine gently before kissing me sweetly as he settled on top of me. I nodded again and held his face with one hand, tracing the column of his spine with the other as we squirmed against each other.
We kissed and petted to the point Peeta's sweaty body began to glide effortlessly over mine until our hips were almost aligned perfectly. With a shuddering breath, Peeta pulled back from my lips and looked down into my eyes. He turned his head to wipe the sweat from his forehead against his shoulder which mussed his hair adorably and reached for the little package beside me on the mattress.
I smiled and settled my hands on his hips as he sat back straddling my knees and worked with shaky fingers to open the package. I wanted to offer to help, but I honestly had no idea how to use the protection. I silently hoped that Haymitch had given him some idea of what to do with it. I watched with open interest as Peeta removed a small rubber circle from the wrapping, pinched a small bubble in the middle of the circle, and placed it against the tip of his penis before carefully rolling it down to cover his length.
I had lifted myself up onto my elbows by this point and was arching an eyebrow at him, uncertainly. "That's it?" I asked, using the back of one hand to wipe my own forehead.
Peeta looked down at himself and laughed softly. "I sure hope you mean the condom and not my…" he scratched the back of his head nervously and I gasped and shook my head with a chuckle.
"No, no…I was just…I don't know how they work and I was just hoping that maybe Haymitch…" I trailed off and Peeta scooted forward, leaning forward over me where I still lay propped up on my elbows.
"He did tell me how to use them…unfortunately that's a discussion that I will never be able to erase from my memory." He joked and pressed a few soft kisses to my neck, my cheek and finally my lips.
I giggled and lay back against the pillows, settling my hands on his hips first, and then with a spark of boldness, moved them to his backside and squeezed lightly.
Peeta took my cue and began to kiss me slow and deep as one arm went under my neck to support my head and the other slid down between us to warm me up for what was to come.
"Oh Peeta…" I gasped and began pumping my hips as he slid two and then three fingers into me. I could feel myself opening up to him more and more, my insides loosening up with every stroke of his fingers.
"You feel amazing Katniss…" He grunted and I felt his hardness pressing more insistently against my hip. "I'm…I don't think I'll be able to…what I mean is, this might be kinda…fast the first time…" He whispered with red cheeks and I smiled and reached to move his hand away from me only to guide him to wrap it around himself.
"I'm sure it'll be wonderful, Peeta. Everything we've ever done together to this point has been." I assured him and with a deep breath, spread my legs out to the side and raised them up so that my knees were at his hips, my heels digging into the mattress around them.
He seemed to relax when I said this and leaned in to kiss me again. I felt his tip graze my center a few times, collecting the wetness there and spreading it over his length, most likely to help him ease in as comfortably for me as possible. Knowing he was going to such lengths to put me at ease made me love him just that much more and I used my hands on his backside to guide him where I so desperately wanted him to be. He tried hard to continue kissing me as he began to slowly, inch by inch push himself inside.
I couldn't keep my eyes from widening at the sensation. He was much bigger than the fingers he'd been using on me thus far. I knew he could feel my reaction as I sensed him moving even slower than before. I fought to control my breathing, in through my nose and out through my mouth. I screamed at myself in my head, telling my body to relax and accept him inside. That this was Peeta and he'd never, ever do anything to purposefully hurt me.
It was in the midst of this internal argument that I realized he had stopped moving and I opened my eyes to look down between us curiously. He was buried completely inside of me, filling me gloriously. I took another deep breath and looked up into his eyes where I could see it was taking every ounce of his self control to keep from moving. He was waiting for me to tell him that it was okay to.
"I…I'm alright, go ahead." I said with a shaky breath and Peeta narrowed his eyes at me, wanting to be certain I was telling the truth.
"Move Peeta, please move."I gasped and tried to wiggle my hips against his. He moaned and dropped his head to my shoulder, breathing like he had run from here to the Capitol and back, and slowly began to pull out. I gasped again, louder and his head lifted immediately so that he could look into my eyes. He'd thought he'd hurt me.
"Sorry, that was a good noise, I promise." I said trying to laugh a little but it really just came out as a moan when he started pulling back again. This time he kept his eyes steady on mine as he pulled back to the entrance and pushed up onto his elbows to begin pushing back in.
I was ready for him this time, already knowing what to expect and enjoying every amazing inch of him against my walls as he slid in to the hilt. He started to pull back again and I raised my hips with the movement, trying to catch the rhythm he was trying to set.
"Faster…please faster, Peeta.."I moaned and bit down on his arm where it was propped on the elbow beside my head and moved one leg to stroke down the calf of his remaining one with my foot. He clearly didn't need to be told twice.
Still kissing me, he slid one arm under my lower back, angling my hips to take his thrusts more directly and he began to push in and out at a faster pace, the grunting against my lips only increasing my excitement.
I moaned loudly and moved both legs to wrap them around his waist, moving awkwardly with him but obviously doing enough right to push us both closer to that edge I'd last let him push me over in the shower. I let my body remember the feel of his hands and lips on me that morning so many weeks ago and then I could not only feel the edge, but see it reflected back in his eyes as he began pounding his hips into mine relentlessly.
"Shit Katniss…." He cried and squeezed his eyes shut tight, I'm sure trying to hold off as long as possible. Knowing that he was so close made me feel a little rushed and I saw that edge slipping away from me slightly. Looking at Peeta's face, I knew there was no stopping him from reaching his climax; he was at the point of no return.
"Go on, it's okay." I whispered beside his ear and he dropped his forehead to my shoulder, his hips snapping back and forth of their own accord. He no longer had control over the rhythm of his body and I knew he was about to finish.
And with one last long, low grunt, he did. I arched into him, feeling his whole body shaking with his release. I knew he was spent when he collapsed on top of me and his lungs heaved for breath in the humid room. I stroked my hands down his back to calm him, drawing random shapes in the slick sweat that seemed to coat his whole body.
"That was…you were…" He whispered hoarsely and I smiled against the wet hair at his temple and kissed his ear.
"Shh…rest…" I said with a chuckle and shifted my hips slightly as I began to feel uncomfortable with him still inside of me. Peeta used his last ounce of energy to pull out and I sighed in relief, my core still tingling and not surprisingly, hurting a little from our encounter.
I continued to lazily stroke my fingers up and down his strong back as our breathing returned to normal. Finally, Peeta pushed himself over onto his side with a groan and reached down to remove the condom. As he did so though, he looked down between us and gasped at the drops of blood staining the light comforter.
"Shit! Shit! Did I hurt you?! Are you alright? Let me see Katniss!" He said sitting up and tossing the condom in the trash with one hand, trying to part my legs with the other. I suddenly felt really embarrassed and grabbed for the throw blanket at the end of the bed, pulling it up over my naked body and pushing his hand away.
"Peeta, stop! I'm fine alright, just…sore…" I hissed, fixing the blanket around me as I sat up against the pillows.
"But…but the blood…" he said waving a hand at the stain between us. I rolled my eyes and threw a nasty glance toward the window that looked out at Haymitch's house.
"Seriously..." I muttered and turned back to Peeta. "He gave you protection, I would have assumed he explained how things would work on my end…" I groaned and tucked the blanket under my armpits with a sigh. "That's totally normal for some girls the first time." I explained and Peeta looked between me and the stain a few times, not sure whether I was telling the truth or not.
"Honest, I'm really okay. Just a little sore is all." I promised and reached out to stroke his cheek. Peeta averted his eyes quickly and threw his own nasty look towards Haymitch's house.
"Oh. Okay. So…that was…that was…I dunno, good for you then?" He mumbled, still not looking at me. I reached out a hand and touched his cheek again, turning his face so that he was looking me right in the eyes.
"That was better than good." I answered honestly and offered him a smile that was so sappy the old Katniss from before the games would have gagged.
Peeta's shoulders dropped immediately and he smiled back. "Oh…cool." He said faking nonchalance and scooted over to my side of the bed and tugged on the edge of the throw. "Room for one more in there?" he asked mimicking his tone from downstairs when he'd asked to sit on the recliner with me.
"I think it'd be better if we just got under the covers." I suggested and stood with the throw still around me and tugged the comforter, blanket and top sheet down.
Peeta smiled and leaned over to snatch his boxers from the floor, slipping them back on before he slid under the covers and waited for me to join him. I kept the throw around me for the time being and climbed under the covers myself, snuggling into his arms.
Peeta folded his arms around my back, the fingers of one hand toying unconsciously with the fringe around the throw blanket I was wrapped in, the other stroking up and down one of my bare arms. I was surprised to find that despite all of the emotional growth Peeta and I had experienced since we'd both been together in 12, making love with Peeta had made me feel even closer to him than I'd already grown. I'd felt safe those nights on the train during the victory tour, but that safety seemed to only last as long as it took for the sun to rise again the next morning. It was an ephemeral feeling of safety at best. But lying in our bed, in what we had begun to call our home, the sweet and sort of musty smell of our love making still hanging in the air, I felt totally and completely at peace for the first time in…well, I couldn't even remember how long.
I snuggled deeper into his arms and Peeta kissed the top of my head gently. I lifted my chin and caught his lips in a languid kiss. We cuddled closer, brushing sensitive parts and I sighed happily and stretched against him.
"Can we lose the throw?" Peeta mumbled between kisses and I chuckled into his mouth.
"Actually, I could use a break for a bit if you don't mind." I said feeling my eyes droop. Of course, I wasn't JUST talking about being tired. I really was sore. Peeta sighed and pouted his bottom lip out adorably and I caught it between my teeth. "Later, promise." I whispered and turned over, snuggling into his arms with my back to him.
"Oh, wait, hang on." Peeta said grunting as he climbed off of the bed and hopped over to the windows, holding onto furniture as he went since he had taken his prosthetic leg off for the night. He went to the window that was already cracked open and pushed it open some more and then moved to the next one and opened it all the way as well.
"Hey, it's not that warm at night anymore." I laughed and pulled the covers around myself more as he hopped back over to the bed.
"Don't worry." Peeta grinned and climbed back into bed, tugging me back into his arms securely. "I'll keep you plenty warm." He said kissing the back of my neck with a smack. I settled back into his arms and fell asleep quickly to the sound of Peeta breathing in my ear and a chorus of crickets chirping outside the bedroom windows in the summer night.