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Chapter 6
I was so shocked by his presence that what manners I did have took over on autopilot and I stepped aside to let him in. Gale smiled cautiously and stepped around me into the foyer. While he stood glancing around the house, I took the opportunity to look him over after not having set eyes on him in some time.
He looked older in his new Capitol uniform. Having taken some important job within the government and now living in District 2, it seemed Gale was well-fed and keeping himself in shape. Of course he looked good, he always looked good to me. He had been my best friend and closest confidant for years. This man knew things about me that even Peeta didn't.
Peeta!
I glanced toward the stairs and tightened my bathrobe around my body modestly as I remembered I was naked beneath it.
"What…brings you back to 12, Soldier Hawthorne?" I asked trying to joke with him. Things had been strained between Gale and I since the end of the war. Neither of us knew for sure whether it was one of the bombs he designed that had killed my little sister, but when it came down to it, I didn't really need certainty. It was enough to know that there existed a possibility that my best friend had a hand in the death of my little sister. Gale and I had mutually agreed that based on that possibility, I would never be able to love him in the way he wanted me to. I would never be able to love him like I loved Peeta.
Gale smiled sadly and played with the brim of his hat as he held it in front of his chest. "Just…thought I'd come see how you're doing…what with the house arrest and all." He said clearing his throat.
I shrugged and folded my arms over my chest. "Twelve is my home." I said trying to keep the defensive tone out of my voice. "I'd be living here even if I wasn't made to by the government." I said moving to stand in front of the stairs.
Gale, a life-long hunter immediately noticed my change to a protective stance. He glanced briefly up the stairs, trying to keep emotion off of his face and then took in the sight of me. Arms folded, hair a mess, cheeks ruddy from the brush burn of new facial hair being scratched over them, robe wrapped tightly around my body.
He tried, but couldn't hide the slight look of disappointment that passed over his face, nor the crinkle between his eyebrows as he dropped his gaze to the floor.
"Yeah…I know it would be." He mumbled and dropped his arms, tapping the dress hat against his thigh. "So…you and Peeta…" he said looking up the stairs again and back to me. "He any better?" he asked sounding genuinely curious.
I allowed my arms to drop a little and looked up the steps with the smile I reserved only for when thinking of Peeta.
"You know…good days and bad…he's getting there." I said still smiling as I looked up the stairs.
I swung my gaze back to Gale when he didn't respond to that and was met with a look of obvious sadness. Knowing what he was thinking, my own face fell, mirroring the sadness I saw in Gale's.
"You know…there was a time I would have given anything to have you smile for me that way." He whispered and I stepped forward, an ancient loyalty to this boy who'd helped me feed my family for so many years, trumping any negative feelings I had for him since the death of my little sister.
I took his hand gently in mine, looking down at our entwined fingers. "There was a time…when you were the only one I wanted to smile for that way." I admitted freely, knowing it wouldn't change anything.
When Gale raised his eyes to mine again, gone was the soldier of the new Panem. Gone was the golden boy of the Star Squad. Gone was the quiet rebel who shook his fist at the Capitol in the privacy of our forest haven. In the eyes of the man before me, I suddenly could only see that 14-year-old boy I met in the woods who had also lost his father. I reached up to wipe a tear from one of Gale's eyes and tugged him forward by the hand I was holding until we were holding each other and crying.
I was never going to be Gale's. He knew that and I knew that, but that didn't mean we couldn't both mourn the loss of the people we thought we would be together.
I didn't know how long we stood that way, but what finally broke us apart made my life miserable for the next 4 days.
It was Gale who broke his hold on me first. I was just turning my head to see why he had so abruptly let me go when I heard him gasp.
"Woa, hey…Peeta, wait!" Gale called up the stairs and I quickly pulled back from him myself and rushed for the bottom of the staircase. As I reached the bottom step, what I saw on the top one broke my heart.
Peeta was standing there, his prosthetic leg in place and his boxers and an undershirt back on, gripping the railing on both sides of the stairs so tightly that I could see the white of his knuckles on both hands even from where I stood. The worst part though was his face. His eyes were squeezed shut tightly as he shook his head back and forth and I could just hear him whispering 'not real, not real, not real' over and over and over.
"Gale!…Get Haymitch!" I yelled over my shoulder as I rushed up the stairs trying to get to Peeta. Without thinking, I threw my arms around his neck, pressing my cheek to his and whispering over and over 'not real' just as he was.
"It's okay Peeta, it's okay." I said holding the back of his head with both hands and scratching my fingers through his hair lightly. When he realized it was me holding him, Peeta pulled back with a groan and began weeping like I hadn't ever seen him do before which of course, set me off crying as well.
"I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry, sweetie." I cried covering my mouth with both hands as I dropped to my knees in front of him. Peeta was still holding onto the railings like a life-line and I turned when I heard Haymitch hollering at me as he climbed the steps.
"What are you crazy, girl? Get the hell out of here! Get over to my house, now!" He yelled, yanking me from the floor and turning me towards the downstairs. As soon as he saw that I was stumbling down the steps he turned back to Peeta. I was met by Gale at the bottom step and he pulled me into his arms again as I was crying inconsolably, and fixed my robe which was slipping from my shoulders a bit. I glanced back to where I could still hear Peeta and Haymitch upstairs and I could make out Peeta still maniacally repeating 'not real' and Haymitch trying to calm him down and get him back to the bedroom.
"Hawthorne, you get her outta here! I'm gonna put him in the shower and see if I can't settle him down!" He yelled down the steps and Gale opened the door before scooping me up into his arms. He carried me across the lawn to Haymitch's door and took me inside.
Gale carried me up to the second floor and pushed open one of the bedroom doors with his back before taking me inside and settling me on the bed gently. I couldn't have stopped my tears if I'd wanted to. This was the worst I had seen Peeta react to something since he'd been back. And once again, I was the cause of it.
"Shit, I'm so sorry Catnip…" Gale whispered, sitting down on the edge of the bed and stroking my cheek with the back of his hand.
I nodded, trying my best to settle my breathing and stop crying. I wiped my eyes with the too-long sleeves of my robe and curled up in a ball.
"Can I get you anything? Is there anything I can do?" Gale asked still stroking my cheek. I shook my head and turned over to bury my face in the pillow with a hiccupping sigh.
"Alright, well I can at least go grab you some…some clothes from next door. Why don't you go get in the shower? See if that makes you feel any better? I mean, you were headed for the shower when I came to the door anyway right?" he said quietly and I nodded into the pillow but said nothing else.
I heard Gale turn the water in the bathroom on before he went out the door and headed next door.
I lay there for a few minutes, just trying to settle my breathing. How could I have been so stupid? I finally dragged myself from the bed and stumbled into the bathroom and climbed in the shower. It didn't make me feel any better considering this was the shower Peeta and I had first touched each other in.
I heard the door to the bedroom open as I was rinsing the shampoo out of my hair.
"Katniss?" It was Gale. I sighed and leaned forward to rest my head against the tile wall with my eyes closed.
"I'll be out in a minute…" I called over the water and rinsed once more before turning the water off. I toweled off in the shower and pulled my robe back on. I was running a brush through my hair as I walked back into the bedroom and Gale was sitting on the windowsill looking out at the house next door.
"How's he doing?" I asked trying to sound casual but the waver in my voice betrayed my true feelings.
"Still pretty out of it." Gale answered without turning his head and I took this as a sign that he was planning to avert his eyes until I was dressed. Still pretty out of it. If there was one thing I could always depend on Gale for, it was to give it to me straight.
"I'm so stupid…" I sighed picking up my underwear from the pile of clean clothes Gale brought back with him and pulled it on under my robe. I picked up the rest of the clothing and moved over to set them on top of the dresser that put me most directly in line with Gale's back and shrugged out of the robe.
"You didn't know he'd come down the steps like that, Katniss." Gale said shaking his head as he continued to stare out the window. "We weren't doing anything wrong anyway…it's just the way it looked in his head because of the hijacking." He said trying to reason with me.
I shook my head even though he couldn't see me and quickly pulled on a bra, pants and a t-shirt. I mindlessly braided my hair as I walked over to sit across from Gale in the window.
"How long were you planning on staying?" I asked and then chuckled lightly when I realized how rude that sounded. "I mean…I mean are you staying in 12 for a while?" I asked and Gale turned his head toward me, looking at me for a long time before he sighed heavily.
"Well, I came here to see how you were and I guess…a little bit hoping that maybe you were still moping around alone in your house…" he said with a smile that told me he was kidding, but only partly. "So…I guess I'll just leave with the next train but that doesn't come in for another week." He mumbled. "It's okay though, I'll stay with Haymitch if it's easier on Peeta."
I laughed without humor and leaned my head back on the windowpane. "It's probably Peeta who will be staying with Haymitch, Gale." I whispered, trying to keep the tears at bay but it was just so shocking to be where I was right at that moment when just the night before, just that morning, I'd been giggling happily in Peeta's arms as we learned more and more about each other's bodies.
"Then I'll stay in Peeta's old house." Gale said standing up with a huff. "I'm not going to make this any harder on you guys, Katniss." He said putting his hands on his hips. "I know it's hard to believe, but I don't try to cause you pain on purpose." He growled and started pacing in front of me.
I stood and walked into the line he was pacing, making him stop short before he walked into me. We each held our ground, staring into each other's eyes. "If you think I'd believe you did any of this on purpose…" I hissed, shaking my head. "Then you don't know me at all, Gale Hawthorne." I said moving around him and heading for the door. He reached out and caught me by the elbow before I could leave the room and I spun on him with an aggravated sigh.
"Alright, that was a low blow…I'm sorry." He mumbled and released my arm when he was sure I wasn't going to run.
"I'll stay at Peeta's, you stay here and be ready for him in case…for when he comes back." I appreciated his change of phrasing and acknowledged it with a small smile.
"Thanks…I…I think that'd probably be for the best." I said before finally heading back downstairs, pulling on a pair of shoes I'd left at Haymitch's and went out on the porch just in time to see Haymitch coming out onto my porch and closing the door behind him. He saw me standing anxiously on the steps down to the yard and his shoulders sagged slightly as he made his way over to me.
"Well?" I demanded when he didn't say anything. Haymitch looked over my shoulder and I sensed that Gale was at the door behind me.
"Haymitch, tell me!" I growled and he took another step toward me and held his hand out. The red X was hanging from one of his fingertips.
"Until further notice…this goes for your whole house. You can stay here and I'll stay with the boy." He said with a shrug and I felt the tears I'd been trying to hold back suddenly rush to my eyes once again. I looked back at Gale, then to Haymitch, and then to the house Peeta and I shared before I stepped forward into Haymitch's waiting arms.
