A/N – I know I said this story was only a one-shot, but an idea popped into my head and I had to write it!
Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS or the characters.
Ziva's Apartment, Alexandria, VA
Someone came into her cell, probably one of Saleem's men, she didn't know. They threw a bag over her head before she could really look at them. This was a new tactic. They had never done such a thing to Ziva before and she was a little frightened over this. She was dragged from her cell and down the hall to another cell, which felt larger than the first one she was in.
She was thrown into a chair, which, by the feel of it, was solid wood. She had not been sitting in one of those solid wood chairs in almost three months now. Was Saleem going back to his first interrogation technique, thinking that what he had done to her in the most recent weeks was not working? It would not work. She would not talk.
The bag was taken brutally off her head and Tony was sitting there in front of her with a determined and almost happy look on his face, staring her straight in the eyes. She did notice that his eyes were a little widened as though he had not expected to see her. He was there for her? Why? Why had he come? Was she really worth the trip halfway around the world after betraying all of them like that? What could have brought him that far?
Saleem walked over to Tony and pressed a knife to Tony's throat with an evil glare at Ziva and slit it right in front of her. She let out a horrible shriek of pain as she watched the life and determination wash out of Tony's eyes.
Ziva snapped awake, sitting up in her bed, noticing that she was sweating and shaking. The dreams had changed and gotten worse since her night in Paris four months ago. This was the worst of them, but they all ended in Tony dead in some form or another. This was the first time she had watched him die. She was shaking. She needed help. But, who could she call? What time was it anyway?
Ziva glanced at the clock, still shaking. It was two in the morning. Perhaps Tony would be awake still. She could not call Gibbs. He was somewhere in Mexico. That was all they knew. He had run off to Mexico once again for some reason that he would not tell any of them and they had had no contact.
Ziva picked up her cell phone and dialed it, clinging to her Star of David necklace that Tony had gotten her. He was not far away from her.
Tony's Apartment, Arlington, VA
He awoke to the sound of vibrating. His phone was going off. He looked at the clock. It was two in the morning. The boss was in Mexico so he was not expecting a call at any hour of the day or night. He picked up the phone, wondering if Gibbs had finally decided to contact them. He noticed that it was Ziva's number. What was she doing calling at this hour? She had not called him or made any extra contact with him since their night in Paris four months ago. He answered the phone.
"Ziva?" he asked.
"Tony, I... I need you," was all she said.
"I'll be right there, Ziva," Tony said quietly. "You at your place?"
"Yes," she said and that was all, the conversation was over.
Luckily Tony had a spare key to her apartment, from when she had first gotten it. She had told him that she wanted someone she trusted to have a key in case she was in trouble in the middle of the night or something, or needed help with something. She had never asked for his help or told him that she needed him. She had only just now gotten around to that. She was always so independent and sometimes that frustrated Tony. But, today she was reaching out for help. He wondered what triggered it and thought that only a nightmare would make her call at this house. A nightmare about Somalia and something she thought he could help with.
Ziva's Apartment, Alexandria, VA
I heard the lock click five minutes later. How fast had he driven to get there that soon? She didn't know and she didn't want to know. The door creaked a little as it opened and then it creaked as it closed. She heard the lock click again and keys rattle as they were dropped onto a table. Then she heard nothing for a moment and then his footsteps on her floors.
She clutched the Star of David necklace a little tighter as she heard his footsteps. Was it bad that she knew his footsteps from everyone else's in the world, even without his shoes on? Perhaps. Today, though, she thought it was a good thing. Otherwise, she would have had to find the gun that was usually under her pillow. She had removed the gun as soon as she had called Tony. She had put it in the nightstand so that she would not startle him. She had not slept with the gun in Paris, either, because she was safe in Paris. She was going to be safe again.
Tony did not knock on the bedroom door, he only pushed it open to find Ziva curled in a ball on her bed and clutching the necklace that he had given to her. He walked over to her slowly and sat down on her bed. He put a hand on her knee and looked at her.
"What's wrong, Ziva?"
"Another nightmare," she said.
"Like the one you texted me about the other day?" he asked and they both remembered it.
Tony, I had a nightmare that when they took the bag off my head you weren't there. Saleem was laughing and saying that you were, but you weren't there.
That was what the text message had said and that was what the dream had been about. But, this was worse. Ziva shook her head and tears streamed down her face.
"No," she whispered.
"Talk to me, Ziva," Tony said quietly, pleading a little, but not trying to push. "If you're comfortable with it."
"He killed you, Tony," Ziva said, tears flowing a little faster. "He slit your throat in front of me. I watched you die!"
"Shh," Tony said quietly. "It's okay, Ziva. I'm here. I'm right here. And I'm alive. Saleem can't hurt me."
Tony pulled Ziva into a hug and Ziva wrapped her arms around him for a moment, but then she pulled back. There was something important to say.
"I can't lose you, Tony," Ziva whispered, afraid to admit this. "I... I can't live without you, either."
Tony's eyes went wide upon hearing that. He had hoped that she wouldn't remember his words spoken under the truth serum and he could see nothing but truth in her eyes. It appeared to him that they had a lot of talking to do. They had not shared so many things with each other and now this was being said. That was a lot to take in. He stared at her for a moment and then thought he must ask.
"You remember that?" he asked.
"You were only being honest," Ziva said.
"So are you," Tony told her sternly.
Then, his expression softened. Ziva watched his expression turn from hard and judgmental to soft and caring. He opened his arms and pulled her close to his side, sliding his way onto her bed and laying back with her. Holding her in his arms protectively. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. This ninja, a year ago, would have killed him for thinking of doing that, but now she was relaxing into him like he had always hoped she would one day.
"What did you mean, Tony, when you said that if there were any questions I didn't want the answer to, to not ask them?" Ziva asked quietly, as she placed her head on his chest and her hand over his heart and began to trace light circles there.
Got her hands felt so good on him! He didn't think he could ever get used to that feeling. But, right now, he had a question to answer.
"Well, just that. But, what came to mind was how I ended up there," he said. "How I had gotten to the point where I wanted to travel halfway around the world to kill Saleem, or what I was thinking when I said I couldn't live without you when I thought you were dead."
"Would you answer them now?" Ziva asked nervously and in only a whisper.
He picked his head up and looked at her.
"Ziva, are you sure you want to hear those answers now? They could change everything. Do you want everything to change?" Tony asked.
Now it was Ziva's turn to raise her head. She thought deeply about his words. She chose her words carefully, touching a subject that she thought she should never touch with him, because it was forbidden, just like this moment was forbidden.
"Tony, Paris changed everything," she admitted, her voice a little stronger than she expected it to be. "Paris changed everything, but the aftermath of having that comfort, of having that satisfaction and that contact… that part was not a good change. I've had these nightmares since and they have only gotten worse with time. I tried to ignore them. I tried to pretend they weren't there and it was not bothering me. I tried to pretend that Paris did not matter. I tried to pretend that your words in Somalia did not matter. I tried. But, Tony, I am tired of pretending. I want to know, yes. I really want to know. How did you get to a point of traveling halfway around the world, thinking I was dead, when you say you could not live without me? What were your intentions? What were your thoughts when you saw me alive?"
Tony sighed heavily and closed his eyes for a second. Ziva's hand touched his cheek when his eyes closed, causing his eyes to snap open and find her curious chocolate ones, staring directly into his.
"Do not close your eyes, Tony," Ziva requested. "I like to see what of your thoughts I can."
He smiled a little and then answered her questions.
"I wanted revenge, Ziva," Tony said. "Do you remember what we learned about Gibbs, when Shannon and Kelly were killed?"
Ziva nodded lightly to Tony and her eyes widened a little.
"It was that kind of revenge that I wanted. But, I never had any intentions of surviving the mission," Tony said honestly as Ziva flinched. "Going in there, Gibbs had volunteered McGee to help me so that I would have to find a way out. They all knew that if I went in there alone, I would not come back out. They were protecting me in a way, but that did not stop me from thinking of a way to save McGee and not myself. I had a plan. But, that changed when I saw you."
"You were going to die, because I was dead?" Ziva asked. "Why?"
"Because I couldn't live without you, Ziva. Still can't," Tony admitted. "My thoughts, when I saw you alive. I was shocked, but happy. I had never been so happy to see your beautiful face in my entire life. I had never been so happy to know that you were right in front of me and still too far away to touch. I had to change the plan, because there was no choice anymore. I had to get you out of there alive and me, too. I had to."
Ziva lowered her head. She thought she was understanding. She had a few things to admit herself.
"When you shot Michael I was grateful, Tony," Ziva said quietly, still leaving her face in Tony's chest.
He picked her head up gently, so he could look into her eyes. He saw nothing but truth there.
"I was grateful, because I felt trapped with Rivkin. He was an assignment that my father had given me and I hated it. I hated it, because my assignment was very much like the one you had with Jeanne. However, mine was just an assignment because my father knew that I was getting too close to you," Ziva admitted. "The only thing that kept me from talking to Saleem about NCIS was you. If I had not known you I do not think I would have kept quiet that long. But, I had to… I had to protect you. I could not live in a world without you in it. I could not picture a world without you in it."
There were tears streaming down Ziva's face again. She was thinking about that dream.
"That brings us back to these nightmares," Tony said quietly. "They hurt you more than they should?" Ziva nodded, allowing the tears to flow in front of Tony. "What do they mean to you, aside from fear and sadness?"
"I think they are telling me what I already knew," Ziva said quietly. "I think they are telling me that I cannot live without you. I think they are telling me that I need you in my life. They are reminding me of the way I feel for you."
Now they were really at a forbidden topic. But the discussion could not wait for them to clarify if it was breaking rule twelve or not to even think about that topic. They stared at each other for a moment, silent and unsure of what to say.
"And, how is that, Ziva?" Tony asked quietly.
"Tony," Ziva said warningly, her eyes warning him that it was his turn to be cautious about what he was asking her. Her heart was racing.
"I need to know, Ziva," Tony said.
Ziva leaned in and pressed her lips cautiously to Tony. It was her way of answering. She did not know how to answer with words. She poured her heart into the kiss and he kissed her back. Her tongue touched his bottom lip, asking permission for more. His lips parted and their tongues met in the middle.
Ziva's hands went into Tony's hair and Tony's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to him and holding her tight against his chest. They kissed for several minutes, until they were both out of breath, their hearts pounding out of their chests, and their bodies begging for more.
"I feel the same way," Tony whispered in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine and also letting her know that he got the message.
Ziva's face split into a smile and she leaned down and pressed another kiss to his lips. But, she was still cautious with it, knowing how they both felt toward each other and physically. What the hell were they supposed to do now? Could they really break rule twelve? Were they already breaking rule twelve? What the hell was this? They could not define those things tonight, though. They could not think clearly enough to define those answers tonight.
When they pulled apart they were both smiling and Ziva laid her head back on Tony's chest and allowed him to hold her as she drifted off into a comfortable sleep for the rest of the night.