Apologies for late chapter - hopefully get next installment up some-point tomorrow :)

Disclaimer: Own nothing, and would make more money selling lemonade than what people would pay for my work!

Thanks to everyone's support: you're all wonderful people.

Enjoy.

Ready Or Not

Candy Roxford was definitely something out of a teenager's wet dream. Bouncy, blonde curls with sparkling eyes that fluttered under dark eyelashes. The smart pink suit she wore was perfectly tailored to fit her rounded top and pert bottom, while revealing the smooth – no tights! – legs that showed she had experience with a treadmill. Her smile was white, and her manner exquisite.

It was the Chihuahua sitting on her lap that had Hiccup convinced she wasn't meant to work here.

"Oh, he goes everywhere I go!" Had been her rebuff to Gothi on her way in. "He won't piddle, I swear! Floofi, wave to the nice old lady!"

As she walked in, all smiles and Legally Blonde appearance, Gobber had leaned in Hiccup's direction and breathed, "No."

"We have to at least see her!" Hiccup had snapped back under his breath, before half standing to extend his hand in greeting. "Hello, Miss Roxford?"

"Hi!" Her smile blinded Hiccup momentarily. Her free hand came out to lightly shake his, nails matching the shade of pink on her dog's collar. "Nice to meet you, sir."

"Ah, no, Hicc-"

A kick from Gobber had Hiccup scowling and changing his sentence at the last minute. "My name is Hiccup Haddock, Miss Roxford. With me today is a second interviewer, is that alright?"

"Oh, just peachy!" Candy sat; all preens and pouts, in the single chair in front of the desk. "But Candy is just fine! Hiccup, what an odd name! You must get all sorts of people saying that's weird!"

Gobber coughed. Hiccup hurriedly gathered Candy's file from the desk and flipped through it to find a starting point. "So, Candy. Tell us why you want to work here."

"Oh, my lord." The woman's eyes grew as wide as golf balls to accommodate her excited expression. "I've been working with animals since I was a tot. I love em! Floofi here is my life, aren't you, boy?"

The clock ticked over for a couple minutes of silence.

"…it's a boy?" Gobber sounded like he was going to roar with laughter any second.

"Duh! He's got a doodle." Candy then proceeded to show them both that the dog did indeed, have a male appendage. As she nattered on about her love for the small, the cute, and the fluffy, Gobber whispered under his breath at Hiccup again.

"So…your date is tonight, eh?"

"Yes." Hiccup shot him a reproving glare. "We're interviewing someone!"

"I'm sure we'll live without a real life Barbie. But seriously – you prepared?"

Hiccup pretended to shuffle and nod thoughtfully at Candy's question, gesturing her to continue her story. She launched into another rendition of her copious Chihuahua escapades, squealing at certain points to punctuate her joy.

"Bowling, then Bumpers, then dinner…maybe a walk down the beach." Hiccup nodded again in pretend listening. "I'm ready."

"No, you idiot." Gobber threw back his shoulders in an open mouthed yawn. "Did you prepare yourself?"

Hiccup eyed his chef. "I filled up the car full of petrol, if that's what you're asking."

Don't ask about sex, don't ask about sex.

"You got condoms, yeah?"

Request denied.

"Jesus!" Hiccup was so annoyed he spat out the word, pausing Candy in the middle of her latest story. She stared, plump lips open in suprise, before Hiccup hastened to nod and wave his arms at her. "That…sounds amazing, Candy."

"Oh, it was." She breathed, that bright smile already back on her face. "Floofi totally saved the day! All because of the red booties I put on him to keep his widdle feet warm! But oh my gosh, I have to also tell you I'm good at communication. This one time Floofi got lost at the pet store, and I…"

"Not on the first date!" Hiccup growled at Gobber once she was distracted. "Please don't give me advice."

"Your father isn't here to give it."

"Give it some other time!"

"Candy." Gobber suddenly announced. "Tell us about your last job."

"Oh, of course! I still work actually at a pet saloon, I do up small animals just like Floofi to be as beautiful at they can! Yesterday this purdy white Maltese came in without an appointment, though, and I had to…"

"Remember, if she's aggressive, she won't be keen." Gobber's voice melted through the gaps in Candy's voice. "Tone it down if she's rowdy. That'll signal you'll do whatever, and she'll lower her guard."

Hiccup kept an ear on Candy's rambling tale. "I'm just me, Gobber. I can't put on a front when I'm meant to be myself."

"Then promise me you'll blow her mind after she blows you."

"GOBBER!"

Floofi barked at Hiccup's snarl. Candy returned to cooing over her agitated pet, seemingly lost in the fine trembles her dog was making.

"I'm not the type to fall into bed straight away. What type of man do you take me for?"

"A desperate one."

"No, I'm Hiccup, the gentleman."

"Ah, that's just it. Stop being you."

Hiccup stared nonplussed at Gobber's teasing face. "You are playing a dangerous game."

"You just keep all of that raw sexuality contained. If you don't, there will be consequences!"

"I'll take my chances." Hiccup slammed a pen down in front of Gobber. "Interview notes. Write them. Now."

As Candy blabbered on about Floofi's heroic leap from a burning building, Hiccup ignored the nervous anticipation fluttering in his chest.

"So! This all for your mystery man?"

Astrid ignored Ruff as best as she could. Well, as best as she could equaled to shutting her eyes while the other woman straightened the back of her hair. "Yes."

"I haven't helped anyone get ready for a date in ages." Ruff mused as she tugged non to gently on Astrid's blonde hair. "No one asks me, really."

"I see why." Astrid winced at the next yank of her locks. "You're as gentle as a hippo."

"Their loss." Ruff sniffed and began parting Astrid's hair into sections. "I'm amazing at old fashioned braids. I'm doing yours up in a style reminiscent of warrior Viking women."

"Whatever." Astrid focused on her reflection in the mirror. She had a couple of hours left before the actual date, but she promised Ruff she'd watch the latest episode of Game of Thrones before going – hence the early preparations.

"Can't I know who he is?" Ruff's tongue came out to stick thoughtfully at the side of her mouth. "He sounds like a sex demon."

Astrid was more amused than insulted at the idea of Hiccup wearing a cute pair of demon horns. "I haven't told you anything about him."

"I know all men want sex. That's pretty much all I need to know."

"Hi- he isn't like that." Astrid caught herself at the last second. She didn't want to accidentally say Hiccup's name. "He's a gentleman."

"He's either a virgin or a really good actor. Trust me on this, Astrid." Ruff's classic duh face caught hers in the mirror. "He'll be preparing himself to sleep with you. Why don't you let him?"

Astrid forced away the faint tinges of arousal that crept up at the idea of seeing more of Hiccup. Seeing his chest, feeling his hands; the unfocused, bleary look in his eyes as she bit his neck…there was a lot she wanted to do. Astrid wasn't shy at having sex with Hiccup – it was whether Hiccup wanted to. And, she had to admit, if he let her take control like she secretly yearned to with Jake. She couldn't tell. "It's only the first date." Her voice was unsure. "He won't be expecting that."

"You've told me your history." Ruff's surprisingly gentle fingers combed through Astrid's fine hair. "You haven't been out like I have. They want it. All the time. Better pack a condom, girl. I got tons."

"We won't." Astrid repeated firmly. "Besides – you're going out tonight, aren't you?"

"Yeah. Tuff wants family time. So you can come right over here, so he can come right over you."

The nearest item Astrid palmed was a hairbrush, which went straight over her shoulder and into Ruff's face. "OW!"

"Uncalled for."

"Don't hit me, you idiot!"

"Pot calling kettle black?"

"Don't be so melodramatic!" Ruff tightened Astrid's hair and pulled it all together. "Just accept it. I'm right. You're wrong."

"I don't want to be wrong." Astrid felt her lips push together. Curiously, she stared back at her pouting reflection, admiring her own lips. She wondered if Hiccup liked pouting.

"Right. Time to activate the Ruff is Right plan." Ruff left Astrid's finished hair to rattle through her makeup box. "Then be a bitch."

Astrid blinked. "I beg your pardon."

"Be. A. Bitch." Ruff repeated again. "Duh. It's classic. Means you can be as aggressive as you want – they lap it up. Men want that type of women. Treat em mean, keep em keen. Get my drift?"

Astrid felt faint. "I think so."

"Good. Now pucker up." Ruff held up an object aloft. The small red lipstick sent alarm bells through Astrid's head, and she had a sudden fear grip her chest before Ruff spun her round in her chair.

"Let's smack those puckers with Rouge Red."

When the doorbell went, Astrid practically vaulted over the top of the couch in order to beat Ruff to the door. Seeing Hiccup's outline through the glass sent her heart careening out of control into full on palpitations; echoing the squeeze of nervousness she felt. The door was locked quickly behind her to stop Ruff throwing it open and ruining all the secrecy.

"Hey." Hiccup's mouth slacked a little when he saw her. It made the hell Astrid allowed Ruff to put her through worth it – including the way his eyes were drawn to her 'pout-tastic' lips Ruff had fashioned. She eyed his dark jeans, green long sleeved top and brown open vest with approval. He looked smart casual – the look she had planned with her own skirt and lacy blue top.

"Milady." He gave a mocking bow and held out his arm. "Shall I escort you to your carriage?"

"Fuck a carriage, just get me out of here." Astrid groaned as she took his hand. It still sent tingles through her fingertips. "Ruff wants to meet you."

As they walked, Hiccup's confusion showed on his face. "You didn't tell her?"

"No?" They reached his car – a neat black Beetle parked not too far from her door. "Did you tell anyone?"

"No." Ever reliant, his hand scraping his hair showed his sudden uncertainty. "I was going to ask you that after the meal, actually."

"We'll figure it out." Astrid bumped his shoulder and sent him clanking off balance. He righted himself and pulled a sad face.

"That was mean."

"I can be meaner."

"Oh, bite me."

"I did."

The moment of silence followed by Hiccup's flushed cheeks was enough to leave Astrid breathless with how strong her urge was to do it again. She took a deep breath to steady herself. Down girl.

The inside of the car was roomier than it looked. As Hiccup talked about his day, she picked up on his irritation about Gobber.

"What did he do?"

"Oh, nothing much." Hiccup tried to downplay his irritation, wrapping the seatbelt around his long torso. "Just giving me dating advice. He thinks all young men and women should ravage eachother on the way home."

His words hit a little close to home. Astrid struggled a little with her own seatbelt, peering at Hiccup closely in the darkness after the door light went off. "You don't think that?"

Agree, agree! Wait. Did this make Astrid easy? She frowned at herself. Get a grip. Aggressive Ruff plan – that's what she needed.

Hiccup shrugged and started the engine. A series of bird calls echoed through the quiet car before his hand slapped on the radio, laughing awkwardly even before the sound switched off. "I practice the calls that Toothless responds to." His next laugh was strained with embarrassment. "I'm not a weirdo. I like normal music."

"Like what?" Astrid fought to keep her smile off her face. This was cute. She could manage cute Hiccup.

"See for yourself – I got a pile in the glove box."

Beaming, Astrid leaned forward and yanked hard on the glove box door. What instantly fell onto her lap made the two of them freeze in mutual surprise.

Two boxes of condoms.

Despite her initial shocked reaction, Astrid felt the beginnings of panic shoot through her system. She miscalculated. Hiccup was ready tonight.

Ignoring his panicked ramblings, she picked them up and briefly considered them before replacing them with a random CD. After closing the glove box she flashed Hiccup a smile, hoping to high heaven that Ruff was right.

"Nice and prepared. I like that in a man. Where we off to, then?"

*Brings out chair and popcorn* This gon be good.

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