Now I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
A tethered mind freed from the lies
Mumford and Sons- "I Will Wait"
Chapter 17
Our first stop on the tour was I suppose what they figured would be our most difficult; President Snow's former mansion. I guess their thinking was if they got it out of the way first, the rest of the trip would be easy. It was thoughtful of them, but I could have told them that they should have just counted on the whole visit in general being pretty damn difficult.
"You good?" Peeta whispered to me as we walked the hallways of the mansion turned museum. Everything on display in the hallways, bedrooms, grand ballrooms, told the story of President Coriolanus Snow. I realized it was meant as an informative journey through his life but it felt more like a celebration of the man instead.
I shrugged when Peeta asked if I was okay. "I guess…" I whispered back as we all filed out of a large, opulent study that had been President Snow's personal office and into the hall. We were led next towards a large room at the end of the hallway with a plaque on the door that identified it as the Third Quarter Quell Memorial Gallery: The Final Hunger Games.
"It just feels weird you know?" I said raising my shoulders as a chill went down my spine. "Shouldn't they be more focused on vilifying him rather than creating some sort of…shrine?" I asked waving my hand around to indicate the whole house.
"I think our next stop will help you to see that 'shrine' isn't exactly the right word, my dear." I startled slightly as Plutarch put his hand on my back gently and nodded toward that end doorway as we all came up to it.
Annie, the baby and Johanna were at the front of the group with the tour guide followed by Effie and Haymitch and then Peeta, myself and Plutarch. Our security detail, who was doing their best to keep out of our way, hung back leaning against the walls of the hallway behind us. They stayed there while the tour guide opened the large oak door and we followed her inside.
I could hear the gasps coming from the front of our group and steeled myself for whatever I was about to see. I assumed based on the word 'gallery' being in the name that it was a room full of pictures from the final games. I wasn't really interested in going in if that was the case, but since I hadn't heard Annie or Johanna up ahead of us losing it yet, I decided to keep going.
Peeta took my hand as we neared the doorway and smiled reassuringly at me, as if he already knew what we would find in there. I smiled back tentatively as we passed through the threshold and entered a dimly lit room. It was the only room we had been in so far that was lit as such and as I looked around, I quickly discovered the reason for that. The only light in the rooms came from individual picture lights affixed below portraits that stretched all the way around the large room.
As we stepped farther into the room, I realized that each portrait showed a tribute from our Quarter Quell in their interview attire and that they were paintings, not photographs. In the space between noticing the portraits and seeing that they were actually paintings, I was struck with the realization that they were all done by the same hand; Peeta's.
I spun on him, looking into his eyes and finding my confirmation there.
"Surprise." He said with a smile and a little shrug. I gaped at him as we began moving around the room looking at portrait after portrait. They were all there. Every former victor we entered our second arena with.
"When did…how…." I trailed off, unable to find the words to say to him. Peeta smiled and brought my hand to his lips as we stood between the portraits of Brutus from District 2 and Wiress from District 3. Beetee's portrait was next. I understood that he had been doing a bit of work in the Capitol lately and wouldn't be joining us until the unveiling of the memorial on Wednesday.
"It was part of my therapy during those months before I was allowed to return to 12." Peeta explained as we stood looking at the paintings in front of us. They were magnificent, of course. I turned and looked at the opposite wall where I assumed following the trail from 1 to 12, I would find mine and Peeta's portraits. I smiled when my eyes fell on the portrait of me, not in the wedding dress, but in the mockingjay it transformed into when I spun around on the stage at the end of my interview.
"Wow, so that's what I look like with clothing on in a painting." I teased in a whisper as I leaned into Peeta's side. He brought his arms up around me and turned us so that we were face to face.
"Ha, ha…" he smirked and kissed the tip of my nose lightly. "Well remember, when I painted these I hadn't seen you without clothes on yet…" he replied in the space between our lips and I leaned in to kiss him softly. "Speaking of, I'll require your modeling skills again this evening if you're available." He whispered. "I still have to finish that painting of you on the windowsill and…" I had been playing with the collar of Peeta's shirt and hadn't noticed he wasn't talking anymore until I felt him tense and looked up into his face.
He was looking to his right, down the line of portraits on the wall behind him and I followed his gaze until I saw what had captured his attention.
Annie was standing in front of Finnick's portrait with their son swaddled in her arms as they both stared up at the face of the husband and father they had lost. The baby was cooing and gurgling to himself, which drew the attention of everyone else in the room straight to the child and his mother.
I leaned into Peeta more, resting my head on his chest for a moment and wrapping my arms around his waist. It was so easy with the daily trials we faced between the nightmares, flashbacks, never knowing when Peeta might have an episode, to forget that we at least still had our lives. Watching Annie standing there in front of Finnick's portrait with the son he would never know lying in her arms brought that into sharp focus.
Peeta looked down at me, his eyes asking a silent question. I nodded and took his hand, following him over to stand by Annie. I noticed Johanna standing on the other side of her with her arm around Annie's shoulders and playing with one of Zale's little feet with her other hand.
I got close enough to Annie that I was able to hook one of my arms through hers to link us together since I was still holding one of Peeta's hands with the other. With his free hand, Peeta reached out and offered little Zale his finger which the baby happily took and shoved in his mouth.
We stood there, the 5 of us completely motionless as we looked at Finnick's confident, smiling face in his portrait. This was the way I wanted to remember my friend; smiling and whole and alive. Not torn apart by mutts like I saw happen to him on the day he died. It was a beautiful painting of Finnick in his interview clothes, sitting casually in a high-backed wooden chair. The painting, done in Peeta's expert hand, was so rich and lifelike that it was as if Finnick actually was sitting right there in front of us.
No one in the room said a word. They all just watched us as we stood looking at the painting for the longest time, lost in our own memories of this man who had in one way or another, saved each of our lives.
Finally, the baby began to whimper and Annie shook her head as if awakening from a spell and looked down at him. She smiled and stroked his chin with one finger lightly, heaving a large sigh which I assumed was to calm herself down. Peeta, Johanna and I ping-ponged a concerned look back and forth among us before Annie spoke in a surprisingly strong voice.
"I think I'd like to go back to my room now." She said with a small nod and held the baby closer in her arms.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Plutarch starting to step forward to protest and a half a step behind him, Haymitch placing a hand on his arm to stop him from doing so. It may have only been a few short hours into our tour, but I knew Haymitch wasn't going to let Plutarch stop a one of us from cutting it short if we weren't able to emotionally handle the tours at any point.
Effie surprised us all by stepping forward next and walking right up to Annie. She placed a hand tenderly on the young woman's back so as not to startle her and then smiled when Annie turned her head. "Come on then, dear…I'll ride back with you." She never broke eye contact with Annie even when she addressed Haymitch next. "Haymitch, I assume you can manage the rest of the day on your own with Peeta, Katniss and Johanna?" She said confidently and he stepped forward and nodded.
"Sure thing." He said quickly and Annie smiled appreciatively as Effie turned her to lead her out of the room.
Annie took one last look over her shoulder at the painting and that was when I saw tears shimmering in her eyes. That was when I saw the true depth of the pain Annie felt at losing the love of her life. She'd been so good at being strong when talking about Finnick since her arrival the day before that I had mistakenly thought that the wounds left on her heart by Finnick's death had begun to heal. Coming face to face with Peeta's stunning portrait of him had obviously proved otherwise.
As the door shut behind them, I turned back towards the others in the room only to find both Peeta and Johanna's eyes swimming with unshed tears as well. That was all it took for me and I dropped my head forward into Peeta's chest and let my own tears fall.
"Give us a minute…" I heard Haymitch mumble to Plutarch as he made his way over to where the three of us were standing and handed Johanna and I each a hanky which we gratefully took. Plutarch slipped out the door quietly and Haymitch waited until the door closed completely before he spoke again.
"You know you all can head back the residence too if you're not feeling up to continuing with this today." He offered as Johanna and I blew our noses and tried to compose ourselves.
"I'm really sorry…I…" Peeta searched for words to properly apologize for upsetting everyone so much with his paintings, but Haymitch cut him off with a pat to his back.
"Don't fret boy, not your fault that you're talents lend to such faithful renderings of the dead." He huffed but Peeta still lowered his chin and I saw it quiver slightly as he wiped his own eyes with his sleeves. I reached up with the hanky Haymitch had given me and wiped his eyes gently before wrapping myself back in his arms.
"Alright, enough of this touchy feely crap, let's get out of here and get the rest of this damn day over with." Johanna said tiredly and Haymitch looked carefully between the three of us.
"You sure you don't want to bag this and go back?" He asked seriously and Peeta and I looked to each other first for confirmation. I could see in his eyes the same thing I was thinking and the same thing I knew Johanna was thinking. In the 75 years since the games had begun, it was said that the Hunger Games victors were the strongest among Panem's citizens. In the 75th Hunger Games, President Snow tried to prove that even the victors, the strongest among us, were not greater than the Capitol.
The look in both Peeta and Johanna's eyes told me that if we left now, then we were proving him right.
"Yeah, we'll finish out the day." I said and took a steadying breath. "Could we just break for lunch maybe after we finish here? I could use something on my stomach before we go anywhere else." I said and Haymitch nodded.
"Sure, Sweetheart…anything you want." He said putting a comforting arm around my shoulders and leading us all towards the door. I reached back behind me knowing Peeta's hand would be there to grab mine.
"They really are beautiful, Peeta." I said and Johanna and Haymitch both agreed. We could all tell from the reddening of Peeta's cheeks when Annie had asked to leave that Peeta was feeling a bit responsible since he'd been the one who so perfectly captured Finnick and all of the other tributes in the Quarter Quell in the portraits.
"Thanks….I guess." Peeta mumbled and I squeezed his hand as we left yet another set of ghosts behind us.
We opted not to tour the rest of the President's Mansion and skipped right to eating an early lunch. They took us to a nice restaurant and as we entered, I saw Haymitch give our security detail an appreciative nod when we saw that the whole place had been cleared out for us to enjoy our lunch in peace and quiet.
"We gave you a table overlooking the new peace garden!" The bouncy hostess announced excitedly as she led us to a spiral staircase that stretched above the back of the large dining area. We all cut each other confused looks and then looked back to the hostess who stammered and flushed embarrassedly.
"Well…well, of course it is winter but…but the statues and sculptures are just lovely and when the bushes and flowers are planted in the spring…well….it'll just be stunning." She gushed and Peeta, Johanna and I exchanged childish grins behind her back as we reached the top of the staircase and the hostess turned to lead us to our table.
Haymitch tried to give us each a scolding look but couldn't hide a grin of his own that was tugging at the corners of his mouth so instead he just shooed us on ahead of him. When we'd been left at our table alone we all burst out laughing and even Haymitch chuckled and shook his head.
"Gotta love the Capitol…" Johanna said as she leaned back in her chair and opened her menu. "They even do memorializing those they gleefully watched get murdered big." She sighed and we all turned to look down at the 'PeaceGarden'.
Peace. One of the many unfamiliar words connected to our newfound independence that I was still trying to wrap my brain around the meaning of.
Haymitch was leaning back in his own chair unscrewing the lid on the flask from his inside jacket pocket when I huffed a sarcastic laugh, continuing to stare out the window and down at the garden.
"Peace garden." I mumbled. "I wonder if they melted down the metal from the cornucopia to make the sculptures…" I joked and Peeta chuckled softly.
"Yeah, you know they probably could have used some of the sharper weapons from the training center to chisel them out too…" Peeta shot back and Johanna shook her head, laughing softly at both of us as she looked over her menu.
"Hey," Haymitch said wiping the back of his hand holding the flask across his mouth and setting it down on the table. "Give it a rest will ya?" he grunted and we all looked at him with raised eyebrows.
Any one of the three of us could have spoken first, but it was Peeta that beat both Johanna and I to the punch. He sat forward in his chair, tossing his menu aside, and folded his hands on the table in front of him.
"Wow, sorry…" he began sardonically. "…didn't know you were the only victor who was allowed to be grouchy, sarcastic and cynical about the Capitol." Peeta bit out. Both Johanna and I glanced at each other when we noticed Peeta's knuckles whiten indicating that he was holding onto his hands tightly.
I have to admit, all three of us jumped when Haymitch, moving with speed I had never seen from him, flipped his butter knife over his knuckles and drove it into the table with a loud thump.
"You're fuckin' right I am." He growled, looking at Peeta with palpable anger. "Damn….kids…" he growled with a shaky sigh and ran an agitated hand through his hair.
I frowned and reached for Peeta's hand on the table top when I saw the fear in his eyes at Haymitch's reaction to what he had said.
All being relatively young as we were at the time, Haymitch's response had seemed like a huge overreaction to what we considered to be harmless banter at the expense of the old regime. Of course, he explained to us why he had reacted so fiercely to our conversation but in our late teens and early twenties, we were able to understand only part of what had motivated it. It wasn't until much later in life, when I was able to think back on my youth and comprehend just how much Haymitch cared about us, that I understood the purpose for the lecture that followed his outburst.
The only thing he saw as being worse than traveling the dark and lonely road he had taken in life was to watch a couple of young people he loved tiptoeing towards the same path.
We had all narrowed our eyes at Haymitch, looking at him like he was a little crazy, a little drunk, or a lot of both. As we shifted uncomfortably in our chairs trying to figure out what in the blue hell was going on, Haymitch sat up and forward in his own chair which forced us all to lean in towards him as we waited to hear what he had to say.
He took another long swig of alcohol before he began. "Now…now listen to me and you listen good…all three of you." He started softly but the strength in his voice demanded our undivided attention. I hadn't seen Haymitch this serious since the night before the Quell when he had said what was meant to be his final good-byes to Peeta and myself.
"I want you to stop it with this…this anger and this hatred towards these people and this city…" he said waving a hand towards the window indicating the Capitol city below.
"You need to move on with your lives." He commanded, punctuating the statement by jabbing a finger at each of us. "You need to be…out, having fun and being young and stupid like you're supposed to be at your ages…like you would have been if you lived in the world that existed before the war or the Games." he said taking his time to look each of us in the eye pointedly as he spoke.
"You…you need to have stupid fights where you don't talk for two days and then spend another two days screwin' each others brains out apologizing…" his eyes were a little watery at this point and I suspected he was remembering something from his own past. A snippet of a conversation I had with him where he mentioned a girlfriend who was dead just after he was crowned victor floated through my memory.
"Those need to be the hardest times to get through the rest of your lives." he said casting his eyes angrily to the side and letting them fall on his ever handy flask. "Not the times where you're drinking yourself into a stupor to get a few restless hours of sleep during the daytime because you share head with too many ghosts at night to sleep then."
He returned his eyes to us all, staring us down to make sure that we understood that he was drawing parallels between the state of his own life and where ours could be headed.
"You need to stop living in fear that everything and everyone you love or want to love is going to be taken from you one day so you just shut yourself off from anyone that tries to get too close." I couldn't have looked away even if I'd wanted to at that point. I knew exactly what Haymitch was trying to do, and frankly, it was working on me and I could tell Peeta and Johanna weren't unaffected either. He may have been talking to all three of us, but I was pretty sure this part of the speech was geared directly toward me. Specifically, to me and my resistance to marrying or having children with Peeta.
He continued on without stopping to let us comment and we could only sit there, hanging on every accusatory but completely accurate word that he said.
"You need to stop with the witty comments about this place and these people, above all else, you need to stop that immediately." He insisted, still looking between all three of us. "It may make you feel a little better, and it may feel like it helps, but let me tell you something right now; they have neither the will nor the capacity for the type of feelings you wish they had. Maybe in a generation or two things will change but not today." He shook his head and glanced sideways as the hostess started our way again, most likely to take our orders. "You should be able to see that just by that asinine welcome we got from Suzy Smiles-a-lot here…" he said lowering his voice so that only we could hear and the approaching hostess was none the wiser.
We all sat in stunned silence as 'Suzy' bounced over to our table and explained that because of our security restrictions, she would also be acting as our server for the meal.
"Super." Haymitch smirked and raised his flask to her which she of course took as the highest of compliments.
I knew then that Haymitch was absolutely right. I had tried to deny it when Plutarch made the same argument for the Capitol citizens but there was just so much anger and hate in my heart for them that in my immaturity, I had wanted them to change immediately. To suddenly realize the error of their ways and lose that terrible excitement for the Games and the victors that had been nurtured in them for all of their lives. When Haymitch said this to us it finally opened my eyes to the truth of the rebuilding that was going on in my country. It wasn't just the buildings and homes of the districts and the Capitol that needed to be rebuilt; it was the hearts and souls of the citizens themselves.
Just as Peeta and I had begun rebuilding physical things like his bakery and personal things like our relationship, the rest of Panem, including the Capitol citizens, were doing the same.
"So what can I get for everyone?" 'Suzy' asked brightly and we all quickly mumbled our orders before Suzy headed off to the kitchen to put them in.
"So do you understand what I'm trying to say here?" Haymitch asked when she was out of sight. I looked at Johanna and Peeta and saw the same ashamed look I must have had on my face.
"I think I do…" I said quietly as I cleared my throat. "I think you're trying to tell us that we have to…to give them some time and a chance to change. That it's not going to happen overnight or…even in a few years." I shrugged and remembered something from one of my phone conversations with Plutarch. "I mean…Plutarch has already told me that all of the curriculum in the Capitol schools has been changed to begin teaching the children that what the Games stood for was wrong and telling about the conditions all of us in the districts were living in." I shrugged and looked out the window with a sigh. "I guess that's a start." I mumbled and Haymitch reached over to put a hand on top of one of mine on the table.
I looked up into his eyes which were sad but smiling slightly. "It is a start." He said softly and a corner of his mouth quirked up. "It only takes one person, Katniss…one person like Cinna, or Plutarch, or any of the other Capitol citizens he worked with in the underground to plan the overthrow of the old government." He squeezed my hand slightly and sat up straighter in his chair. "You should know that better than anyone Girl on Fire." He said and I couldn't help the small smile accompanied by tears that rose to my own face.
Much as I hated to admit it, Haymitch was right. It only took a spark to ignite a revolution. Perhaps the Capitol citizens would be lucky enough to have some dumb girl like me accidentally begin changing their minds just by being who she was.
"Maybe there's hope for them then?" Peeta suddenly said from the seat beside me and I reached for his hand. I turned my head and smiled softly at him before we all turned our attention to Johanna.
She sighed and rolled her eyes slightly, looking away and out the window at the city. Peeta watched her a moment before he leaned over and gently took her hand that was resting on the table in his and squeezed it gently. Johanna turned her head slowly, looking first at their linked hands and then slowly sliding her gaze to his face.
She looked at Peeta, then me and then Haymitch before sighing in what seemed like defeat. "Yeah alright, I guess if Stumpy and Brainless can give it a shot, I can too." She said quietly and then raised her eyebrows at Haymitch. "I still think their idiots though." She said nodding towards the city outside the window once more.
"Agreed." Haymitch said with a smirk and raised his flask in a sort of strange toast to our agreement. He took a swig and then looked at each of us with as serious a face as I'd ever seen on him.
"Now you all stick to that, and you help Annie whenever she needs it too. Because…trust me kids, the last thing you want to be is the grouchy, sarcastic cynic who spends most of his life trying to numb the pain caused by the Capitol. Because guess what? If you do that, then you've already let them win." He said finally offering Peeta and I a small smile.
"You…" he said pointing at me. "Take some time, get over this bullshit about not wanting to ever get married and then give the boy what he wants." He turned his attention to Peeta next and glanced between the two of us. "And you…give her some time to get over that bullshit. Anyone with at least one good eye can see that she's idiotically in love with you. She'll come around." He said and winked at Peeta. "What other girl do you know would sleep next to a boy every night who has the occasional murderous thought about her?" He smirked and I narrowed my eyes at Haymitch for bringing that up. He could be such a dolt sometimes.
Of course Peeta, unflappable as always, took it in stride and smirked right back at him. "Actually, we went to school back in District 12 with quite a few girls who were happy to sleep with guys who had occasional murderous thoughts about them…" He chuckled.
"That's kinda how your average teenage romance goes." I finished, trying for playful and squeezed Peeta's hand when he turned to look at me.
Haymitch chuckled himself and nodded. He was about to open his mouth and say something else when Johanna spoke first.
"I wouldn't worry about that." She said trying to remain stoic in the face of so many emotions. I noticed though that she was still letting Peeta hold her hand on the table, even if she was fidgeting uncomfortably. "There's nothing average about how the two of you feel about one another." She said finally pulling her hand away from Peeta's embarrassedly. "Trust me, I've heard the evidence first hand." She said with a proud smirk and Peeta and I both flushed and then chuckled as Haymitch held up a hand.
"Alright, alright, I don't need the gory details, thanks. I live next door to them. I've heard how much they like each other plenty on my own." He mumbled and we all dropped hands and fell into a companionable silence until our meals came.
The rest of the touring that day was surprisingly less uncomfortable than the morning had been. I assumed it had something to do with Haymitch's talk at lunch, but whatever the reason, it actually turned out to be kind of nice to see what changes were being made to not only the buildings, but the people. We met several of the Capitol rebels like Plutarch while touring the new government building, all of whom were very gracious and friendly. They asked how we were doing and seemed to really care about the answers we gave. It was a pleasant change from what we'd seen at the welcome banquet and I was even more pleased when I learned that these would be the people attending the farewell banquet on Saturday night and not the Capitol citizens we had been forced to mingle with at the beginning of our visit.
By the time we got back to the residence, it was already past time for even a late dinner service so the four of us parted ways for the night. Johanna said she was going to go check on Annie and the baby to make sure Effie hadn't driven them crazy all day and Peeta and I, who were surprisingly not very tired after such a long day, said we were going to go change and then stroll around the house to check out any rooms we'd missed. Haymitch said he was going to try and catch some shut eye, which surprised us all but we didn't let it show. Haymitch trying to sleep at night? Perhaps he was finally becoming interested in bettering himself too.
Peeta and I ordered a quick meal from the kitchen and Avitus brought it right up to us, asking if we'd be needing anything else for the night. We told him we were just going to take a walk around the house before bed and he bid us goodnight after reminding us that pushing 1 on the intercom system would connect us directly to his quarters. We thanked him and he left us to ourselves for the rest of the night.
While Peeta was changing into pajamas in the bathroom, I stood in the bedroom in a nightgown and robe looking at the work he'd done on the portrait of me so far. It still felt a little strange to be admiring a nude painting of myself but I couldn't deny Peeta's ability to make anything seem beautiful. Even me and my scarred body.
He exited the bathroom quicker than I had anticipated and caught the blinding look of insecurity I was giving the painting. He moved over to stand behind me as I looked at it and wrapped his arms around mine where they were folded over my chest.
"We'll finish it up in the morning. I don't have the same light to do it right now anyway." He whispered and kissed a little trail down one side of my neck and I felt his erection stirring against my backside through my robe.
I chuckled nervously and cast a glance at the painting again, knowing that it was where Peeta's eyes were currently glued. "This seriously does that to you?" I whispered and Peeta nodded against my cheek.
"You're the most beautiful woman in the entire world to me, Katniss." He sighed and turned me around in his arms so that he could see my face. "How do you still not get that?" he asked cupping my face in his hands and looking at me with a mixture of sadness and open lust.
I gave him a small smile and sighed heavily. "Please…like Haymitch said…just give me time." I answered and wrapped my hands around his wrists before I leaned up to kiss him soundly. When we finally pulled back, we were both breathing deeply. "So do you want to still go exploring or do you want to stay here and…" I trailed off and glanced over at the bed with a secret little smile.
Peeta chuckled and followed my gaze before I saw his eyes light up with an idea. "Perhaps we could combine the two." He grinned and pulled an undershirt over his head to go with the sweats he was wearing for bed. I got the distinct sense I wasn't going to like where whatever plan Peeta was hatching in his mind was headed.
"Come on." He said widening his grin and tugged me to the door by one hand. He opened the door to our room slowly, glancing up and down the hall a few times before he pulled me out with him. I couldn't help giggling at the look of glee on his face as we tiptoed down the hall past everyone's bedrooms together and into the main corridor of the home.
"Is this where you and Johanna were the other day?" I asked and Peeta nodded.
"Yeah, but there's another hallway down here we didn't get to. These rooms…" he said indicating the doors on either side of the hallway. "Were just bathrooms, small sitting rooms, this one is an office I think." He said pointing to the last room on the right before we reached the intersection of the hallway we were in and another one.
"Uncharted territory." I teased in a sneaky whisper and Peeta chuckled as he looked up and down the new hall.
"You pick which way we go. Maybe we'll find a library or something." He said quietly and I bit my lip trying to decide. Peeta bit his lip too, mimicking the face I was making until I swatted him on the elbow with the hand not holding his.
"Alright, alright….left." I said and we glanced behind us before heading that way down the dark hall. Peeta flicked a light switch on the wall that only illuminated the side of the hallway we had turned onto and we were able to see the doors more clearly and found that many of them were labeled. We didn't find any that indicated a library lay behind them but we did find one room labeled 'solarium' that we were both intrigued by.
When Peeta gently pushed the door open, both of our mouths hung open at the sigh before us. Inside was a large room made completely of glass with an intricate dome ceiling that framed the starry winter sky.
In the part of the room closest to us, was a large square something-or-other that looked like a tub meant to fit roughly 6 people. By the way it was bubbling, I assumed it might have been used to boil people or large animals for dinner.
"You never heard anything about…cannibalism in the Capitol in any of our school classes, did you?" I asked Peeta nervously and he chuckled as we walked over to look at it.
"It's called a hot tub. There was one in the therapy room at the…at the hospital I was in before I was allowed to come back to 12." He said dipping his hand in and then licking his fingertips when he pulled it back. "Yep, saltwater, just like the one in the hospital." He smiled and looked across the room.
The remainder of the space was taken up by 3 large sofas, an outdoor dining table with six chairs, and a fireplace on the wall attached to the house that was crackling away. The floor was tiles meant to look like rocks in an outdoor garden.
"Okay…" I said after we had taken in the overwhelming opulence of the 'solarium'. "…so just when I'm starting to think they aren't so bad, I'm re-disgusted by the fact that someone in the Capitol had a room like this…" I said waving my hand around.
Peeta nodded slowly beside me, still looking around at the stunning room. "Me too." He said and then sighed and shrugged out of his robe, tossing it on the back of a sofa that was right behind us. "Probably would be a shame to waste the hot tub though." He said quickly pulling the rest of his clothes off and searching for a switch on the side of the tub.
"Peeta! That is so not what I meant!" I laughed and folded my arms as he found the switch he was looking for and the bubbles in the tub increased in triplicate. He smiled at me as he removed his prosthetic and held onto the sides as he carefully climbed up the few steps to the tub and slipped in with a hiss.
"Oh come on, Kat…you have got to get in here. It feels amazing." He moaned as he sank into the water. I glanced around at the glass walls, knowing that basically anyone could be outside looking at us. The reasonable side of my brain told me that the next residence was about 100 yards away and as best as I could see, their lights were all dark for the night.
"Oh fine." I grumbled and tossed my robe aside and climbed the steps to the tub. I hiked my nightgown up a little at a time as I sank into the water and finally pulled it over my head when I was up to my chest and tossed it onto the sofa with the rest of our clothes.
I had to fight the urge to sigh myself when I finally sank all the way in to my chin across from Peeta. When I opened my eyes, he was grinning at me so I splashed him. "Oh shut up, you know I think it feels fantastic too." I laughed and slid over to snuggle into his side.
We both took deep breaths at the same time and rested our heads back on the edge of the tub, looking up through the domed ceiling at the night sky.
"You seemed a lot better through the rest of the tours today after that talk Haymitch gave us." Peeta said softly after we'd been relaxing quietly for about ten minutes. I didn't answer or even open my eyes for a few moments as I tried to decide whether to answer him or pretend like I had fallen asleep.
"Yeah, I guess." I shrugged and turned my head as I opened my eyes slowly to meet his. "That was a pretty intense talk as far as Haymitch talks go." I said with a nervous laugh and Peeta brought one of his arms up around my waist, pulling me closer into his side.
"Yeah, it sure was." He said turning his head to kiss my cheek lightly. "Definitely one I think we all needed to hear though, much as I hate to admit that." He murmured and rested his forehead against my cheek. "I really will give you time, you know that right, Katniss?" he asked stroking his thumb in circles on my hip. "You know I'm not going to leave you just because you won't marry me right now or because the idea of having kids sort of scares the hell out of you?" He whispered and I turned my head slowly until our foreheads were touching and we both closed our eyes.
"I do." I said simply and reached across him to grip my hand on his opposite bicep. "And I appreciate that you're willing to wait for me to be ready to take those steps, even if it means we never do." I answered honestly and Peeta pulled back a little making me open my eyes.
"I'd wait for you forever, you know?" he said with a sad smile and leaned in to kiss me gently.
"I do." I repeated and it sounded almost like a vow. Peeta's response to the words was immediate. He threw his good leg forward over both of mine so that he was straddling my thighs and began to kiss me reverently all over my face and neck as he gripped my hips with both hands. "I love you so much, Katniss. I always have and I always will." He said with a sigh as he pressed his lips to the spot over my heart. I raised my back a little so that just my breasts emerged from the water and Peeta took the cue, wrapping his lips around one hardening peak as he brought a hand up to massage the other.
"I love you too, Peeta. Forever." I moaned and gripped his sides with both hands tightly as he angled his hips to rub his hardness between my legs. I spread them beneath him quickly and slid my hands on his sides down to his ass as I pulled his hips forward, urging him to enter me.
"Ohh…Katniss..." He grunted as he began to push his way in slowly. I nodded and arched my back, never tiring of the feel of him filling me completely.
"Peeta…" I grunted back and started stroking my fingernails lightly up and down his back letting him know it was okay to start moving. Peeta slipped his arms under mine so that he could grip the edge of the tub for leverage and began moving slowly at first but building momentum with each snap of his hips.
"Ohhh…Peeta…that's so good!" I cried out and planted my feet on the bottom of the tub as I began to raise my hips up to his with each thrust. "So good…you feel so good." I gasped and he raised his head from where it was buried in my neck and began to kiss me languidly, in no rush to finish.
As he began trailing his lips down to my chest again, I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back a little so that I could see his face. Peeta narrowed his eyes at me and just when I could tell he was about to ask me what was wrong, I smiled slowly and placed my hands on his abdomen, pushing him back so that he slipped from my body. I turned over so that I was kneeling on the seat with just my arms and shoulders out of the water and I leaned forward with my cheek against my folded arms on the edge of the tub.
I smiled at him over my shoulder and Peeta let out a shuddering breath as he slid forward once more and began to kiss me between my shoulder blades and up to my mouth. "You're an amazing, amazing woman Katniss Everdeen." He growled next to my ear and I felt him positioning his hips to push into me from behind. "My girl on fire..." he whispered as he slowly slid into me and braced himself with his own hands gripping the edge of the tub just outside of where my arms were folded.
He settled his torso against the length of my back and nudged one knee between my own to open me up a little more as he pushed all the way in.
We both moaned loudly, and I hissed a couple of very unlady-like words at the feel of him inside me this way again. There was something about the fluidity of the water that made it feel even better than when we had first done this in the trailer on the way to the Capitol earlier in the week.
"Move…please, Peeta move!" I moaned and turned my head as he brought his lips down to mine and began slowly but deeply thrusting in and out of me. I thanked the stars above us through the dome that we were in the unoccupied area of the house because there was no way I was able to stop the moans and cries of pleasure that were coming out of me louder and louder as he increased the speed of his movements.
We were so lost in our ecstasy, that we didn't hear the knock on the door or the twist of the knob as Effie rushed into the room in her pajamas and a robe, looking worried.
"Oh, Peeta and Katniss, it's just you…" she began in a relieved tone as we abruptly stopped moving in the tub. She could only see my folded arms on top of the ledge and my head above them from her position and all she knew was that Peeta was standing closely behind me in the hot tub. As she moved closer to us, saying how relieved she was because she saw the light on down this hallway and was worried someone had broken in, she suddenly gasped and brought her hands to her quickly reddening cheeks. She likely noticed the looks on our faces, the fact that we were both breathing heavily and probably saw that my shoulders were bare of any type of straps that would accompany swimwear.
"Oh!" She screeched stopping immediately in her tracks. "Oh goodness me! I'm so…I'm so sorry!" She stammered backing away quickly to the door and pulling her robe more tightly around her body. She was probably wishing she could do the same to the two of us. "I didn't mean to interrupt…I was just….I saw the light and was worried and…" Peeta cut her off with a groan of frustration and a hollered, 'Effie, please! Just get out!'.
"Yes!..." She squealed grabbing onto the door and averting her eyes. "…I'm…I'm so sorry….good night." She gasped and slammed the door behind her.
Leave it to Effie to still remember her manners and wish us good night even after walking in on us having rowdy sex.
Unfortunately, Peeta and I were to the point that neither of us was going to be able to stop even after such a disruption and we picked up right where we left off as soon as the door was shut.
"Shit…that was awful." I grunted as Peeta began pounding into me again over and over.
"The worst…" he growled and brought one of his hands down between my legs in front to touch me and force me into my climax the best way he knew how. As soon as fingers began circling the tiny nub there, I went screaming into my orgasm with Peeta not far behind.
We collapsed against the side of the tub together, Peeta with his head laying on my back between my shoulders as we heaved for breath. I turned over under him when I could finally feel all of my limbs again and smiled into his face as he moved to lower his head to my chest.
"Well…" Peeta began hoarsely. "Horrifying embarrassment aside, that rocked." He chuckled turning his head so that his chin was on my chest and he could kiss my jaw line.
I brought my arms up around him, laying my forearms flat on his back and drumming softly. I chuckled at the wet smack of my skin on Peeta's and he kissed his way down one side of my neck all the way to the point of the shoulder. "You are welcome." I said punctuating each word with a kiss.
Peeta lifted his head finally and looked around the room. "Wanna soak a little longer before we get out?" He asked moving to sit beside me again on the bench. I shook my head.
"We can get out now, but why don't we lay by the fire for a little and dry off before we venture out." I suggested and groaned again, covering my face with both hands. "Give Effie time to get back to her room so that we don't have to face her again tonight." I said through my fingers.
"Pleaaaase let me at least tell this story to Haymitch." He said sitting up suddenly. "He gets so little enjoyment out of life in general…he needs this." He begged and I rolled my eyes as I sat up too. I made my way across the tub to the steps and looked over my shoulder at him for a long moment.
"Fine." I conceded with a sigh. "But no details, the basics only." I said pointing at him before I hurried out of the tub and pulled my big fluffy robe on but left my nightgown on the sofa for the time being. Peeta fist pumped silently as he climbed out too and reattached his prosthetic before pulling his robe on as well.
I went over to the fire which was beginning to die down and stoked it to keep it going. When I turned around, Peeta was spreading a large fleece blanket out right behind me and I lay down on top of it and opened my arms to him. He tightened the tie on his robe and smiled as he lay down with me and we snuggled into each others arms.
"Woo boy…I'm more tired than I thought." I said through a yawn and Peeta chuckled and nuzzled my cheek.
"You're welcome ma'am." He teased and I chuckled back and slid one hand into his robe to rest on his chest over his heart.
"Well, I think it probably has more to do with the touring the city all day but we'll just call what happened in the tub the final straw in leaving me completely exhausted tonight." I smiled and kissed Peeta slowly. "So you get partial credit." I whispered and sighed heavily which led to another yawn.
"Go on and sleep for a little, I'll wake you up in a while and we'll head back to bed." Peeta said scooting us over a bit and pulling one side of the blanket up over us which I snuggled into warmly and quickly fell asleep.
Peeta did wake me up a little bit later but instead of heading off to bed, we ended up throwing another log on the fire and making slow, sweet love under the cover of the blanket. It was like something about what Haymitch had said at lunch made us want to cherish every moment together. We both fell asleep afterwards and my mind went completely blank until I woke up to a blinding white light burning my eyes.
I blinked them open and hissed as the light seemed to get even brighter as I did so. "What the hell?" I groaned and sat up holding the blanket over my chest to cover myself. I looked over at Peeta, still unconscious and sprawled out on the floor beside me. I couldn't help smiling. He looked like a little boy with the way his cheek was mashed to the ground. I reached over and stroked his cheek with the back of my knuckles and hesitantly slid my eyes away from him to see where the light was coming from.
I gasped when I realized that the entire roof of the glass room was covered in snow and that the light shining in through all of the glass walls was the morning sun reflecting off of at least a half foot of new-fallen snow.
"Peet! Look!" I said shaking his shoulder and Peeta lifted his head with a start.
"What?! What is it? What's wrong?!" he asked groggily and hissed when he tried to open his eyes. "Ahhh! Shit! What the hell is that?!" he asked and I tugged on his elbow to help him roll over and sit up. The blanket that had been covering us quickly slipped to his waist and Peeta pulled it back up to his chin when he felt the sudden chill of the room. He tossed a glance at the fireplace which was long burned out and only then did he realize the source of the light.
"Wow…I mean…wow…I didn't know it was supposed to snow!" Peeta said looking all around at the snow outside the glass room. I shrugged, smiling widely at his childlike excitement and scooted over into his side as Peeta backed up a little to lean against one of the fireside chairs. He wrapped me in his arms and yawned as we cuddled for a few minutes. "Looks like we didn't make it back to the bedroom." He said playfully and threaded my fingers through the fingers of the hand on his thigh closest to me. I smiled and stroked my thumb over the back of his hand.
"Mmm…yeah, imagine that." I teased back. "Here I remember someone telling me they would wake me up in a little while to go back to our room and instead, I was woken up because my robe was being peeled off of my shoulders. And then I didn't get taken back to the nice, soft mattress in my room but found myself having sex on a thin blanket on a hard floor!" I laughed and Peeta ducked his head shyly and kissed the top of my head.
"I'm glad you think it's so funny." I said thumping our joined hands against his leg. "You owe me a backrub later dude, I can barely move." I sighed and dropped my head back onto his shoulder.
"Sure thing." Peeta promised and kissed my cheek with a smack before he leaned over and grabbed both of our robes. "Come on, we better get back to our room and shower so we don't get harassed for coming to breakfast looking like we had sex in a hot tub last night." He said pulling his robe on as he stood from the floor. I slipped my own around my shoulders and smiled when Peeta helped me up and tied my robe closed for me.
"Thanks." I said reaching up to kiss him lightly before I grabbed both of our clothes from the other sofa and Peeta folded the flannel blanket up and put it away before we went to the door together.
We slipped out into the hall and back to our room without encountering any of the others and showered and dressed for breakfast. Peeta told me he'd be down to eat in a little, he just wanted to work on the painting a little before breakfast. I asked him if he needed me to model for him and he shook his head shyly, saying that the image was branded on his brain.
When I neared the dining room, I could hear the voices of Johanna, Annie and Effie but no Haymitch, so he was either not there or hung over and not talking.
I rounded the corner into the dining room and found it was indeed just the ladies who had made it down to breakfast so far. I walked straight to Annie and leaned down to ask her how she was doing.
"I'm doing okay, thank you for asking Katniss." She said softly and stood the baby up on her lap so that I could see him. I smiled as Zale gurgled and cooed, smiling up at me happily.
"Hi little guy, you look like you slept well last night." I cooed back and opened my hands offering to take him from Annie. She handed him over willingly.
"He did, once me stressing him out all day wore off." She said with a sad laugh and stroked the baby's leg as I settled him on my lap when I sat in the chair beside her. I leaned down and kissed the top of Zale's head lightly mentioning that he looked no worse for the wear.
"Where's Peeta at?" Johanna asked and I cleared my throat and looked up at her. I almost laughed when I noticed that Effie was pointedly avoiding eye contact with me. Johanna noticed it too and looked between the two of us suspiciously.
"He'll be down in a little, he was working on a painting when I left." I said matter-of-factly and held the baby against me with one hand while filling my plate with the other.
"How was the rest of your evenings ladies?" Johanna asked still looking between Effie and me.
"Fine." We both said together and a self-satisfied grin spread across Johanna's face as she leaned back and folded her arms.
"Oh now I know you two aren't going to sit there and not tell us why you can't even look at each other…what happened?" She asked excitedly and leaned forward in her chair a little bit expecting a story to follow.
"Drop it Johanna." I said with a big fake smile while still staring daggers at her over the table.
Effie fidgeted in her chair some more and brought one hand up to her face, fanning herself dramatically. "Johanna, some topics are just not proper for breakfast table discussion." She said fanning herself harder and fidgeting some more.
I could tell that the grand Johanna Mason inquisition was about to begin and I was about to open my mouth and ask her to drop it again when she looked up as someone came into the room behind me. Assuming it was Peeta, I turned my head quickly, a bright smile all ready for him, when I found Haymitch coming around the corner instead.
"Hey, Haymitch! Maybe you can give me some insight into what went down between these two yesterday, cause I know Effie came back here with Annie in the morning and we didn't get back until last night. I assumed everyone went straight to their rooms but something tells me that isn't exactly how things went…" Johanna began but stopped abruptly when she saw the look on Haymitch's face.
I turned in my chair to look at him, lifting the baby to my shoulder as I did. "Haymitch, are you okay?" I asked passing the baby back to Annie quickly and standing to walk over to him. He nodded slowly and raised his eyes to mine, searching them for something but I didn't know what.
"You don't know." He finally said darkly and ran a hand through his hair in that way he only did when he was very agitated by something. I narrowed my eyes and shook my head.
"Know what?" I asked meekly as warning bells began to go off in my head based on the somewhat familiar look that Haymitch was giving me.
He cursed a blue streak under his breath before raising his eyes to mine again and glancing at the others around the table. All of a sudden, I knew what that look meant.
"Peeta…" I gasped and started for the door, but Haymitch caught me by my wrists, shaking his head.
"I saw it on my way down, I assumed you knew…" He said pulling me into his arms and holding me close.
"Are…are you sure? You saw it on the doorknob?" I asked biting back tears and Haymitch nodded against my head. I felt the tears beginning to roll hot and fat down my cheeks as I heard Johanna behind me asking what was going on.
"The boy's having an episode." He explained quietly and the mood in the room changed just that quickly. I pulled back from him, shaking my head.
"No...no he was...he was just painting, he said he was going to paint for a little and then he'd be down." I said trying to wipe the tears away as quickly as they came.
Haymitch nodded. "He's done this before, Sweetheart. You know that. " He said gently. "He was probably feeling it coming on and fed you the bit about wanting to paint to get you out of the room."
I groaned in frustration, knowing that was exactly what Peeta had done. "Damn it!" I said glaring out the doorway and wiping at my teary eyes again. Haymitch led me back to the table and made me sit down.
"Eat something, you'll feel a little better once you have something on your stomach." I started to protest but Haymitch raised a hand as he sat down in his place at the table. "Make a plate for him and I'll take it up when we're done and check on him, alright?" He said gently and I sighed heavily and nodded.
"Why don't we cancel the tours for today? I'm sure they're still clearing the snow away from the roads and I don't feel comfortable taking the baby out on the roads with it like this anyway." Annie said with a shrug and looked around the table. "We can bundle up maybe and go out for a walk in the snow. It's the first time the baby will have seen snow anyway." she said smiling softly and I reached out to hold one of his little hands.
"Sure Annie, that sounds nice." I whispered and she handed the baby to me again when she saw I could use a little extra comfort. I snuggled him close and Zale cuddled his face into my neck warmly as if he sensed my need for comfort too. I kissed his pudgy little cheek and rocked him close in my arms for a few minutes until he fell asleep and I felt well enough to try and eat something.
Before I began eating, I took a moment to silently hope for this to be a quick episode. Mostly because I hated seeing Peeta that way, but also a little bit because I knew I would never be able to sleep in this home in the Capitol without him.