When the Red X is on the Door

by MADAM BETH

Post Mockingjay. Katniss and Peeta rebuild their relationship while trying to deal with the trauma of having been through the horrors of their lives since being reaped into the Hunger Games. They are there for each other when nightmares creep in the dark, but how does Katniss know when it is not safe for Peeta to be near her because of his hijacking? When the red X is on the door.

22. Chapter 19

a/n: Soooo sorry for the long wait! You'd think as a teacher spring break would have given me plenty of time to finish this but that obviously was not the case! During my hiatus I noticed this story is up to 102 followers so that's was an awesome treat! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing guys! You rock!

Also, this is a fairly long chapter so hopefully, in this case, size will matter in making up for the long wait ;) Enjoy!

-Beth

Chapter 19

The morning of the Memorial I woke up with an immediate feeling of peace as I lay curled in Peeta's arms at the bottom of the bed where we had fallen asleep the night before, that was immediately replaced by a knot of tension deep in my stomach as I realized the memorial would mean lots of people and cameras and the kind of exposure I had avoided like some deadly plague since my return to District 12.

I must have had some physiological response to my sudden change in mood because Peeta suddenly startled awake next to me and then wrapped me closer in his arms and looked down into my eyes.

"Hey, you okay? What time is it?" He asked with a yawn and tried to focus his eyes past the bed curtains we hadn't closed the night before to look at the clock on my nightstand.

I lifted my head to look back up towards the top of the bed. "About 7:15." I whispered and pressed a kiss to his chest as I shifted over to my side, letting an arm fall around his hips.

"Didn't answer the first part of my question." Peeta murmured sleepily but with an edge of concern that told me he was awake enough to know that something was bothering me. When I didn't immediately respond, he lifted his head again and looked down at me steadily.

I sighed and dropped my head to the side so that my cheek was resting against his chest and I could hear the steady, comforting beat of his heart. I knew that the was having some feelings about the memorial too so I felt strange about laying my own fears on him as well.

"I don't know…just…freaking out a little bit over this whole memorial reveal today." I mumbled and wrapped my arms around him a little tighter and nuzzled the smattering of surprisingly dark chest hair that had begun growing on him in the past few months.

Peeta brought his arms up around me, hiking me a little higher up his side so that his eyes were level with mine. "What for? You're not the one giving a speech." He teased trying to help me shake the nervous feeling still gnawing at my gut.

He dropped one hand to my bare backside and stroked it softly before pushing me fully onto my stomach and kneading the tight muscles in my back to help me relax. I propped my upper body up on my elbows and stroked a hand over his chest and stomach lightly.

"Come on, Peeta…" I said moving my hand until it was flat on his abdomen. I pushed back a little to look at him seriously. "It's not exactly a secret to anyone in Panem that I don't do too well in front of…crowds or…or cameras." I said letting my head drop onto the bed beside Peeta's.

He shrugged and propped himself up sideways on one elbow to look down at me moved his hand from my back to thread his fingers through the one I still had resting on his stomach. "Oh come on, Katniss." He said leaning down to kiss me gently. "You didn't do all that bad in the interviews for the Games, and I saw your propos from the war, you were fantastic." He said smiling softly.

"Yeah, but I was…I don't know, in the moment for those propos. I wasn't…acting or following a script of anything like that. I was saying what I felt." I argued and Peeta kissed the anxious furrow that was forming between my eyes as I frowned.

"Yeah, I know who you were being. Yourself." He smiled. "That's my favorite Katniss Everdeen you know?" he asked with a grin and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, well you don't count…you have to like me, you're my boyfriend." I mumbled and Peeta snorted and rolled us over until he was on top of me, his legs falling to either side of my thighs.

"Gee, Katniss, don't sounds so excited by that, it's embarrassing…" he laughed and I sighed and reached for the pearl resting against my throat. I brought it up between our faces to my lips and rolled it back and forth a few times, something I'd taken to doing lately when I was nervous.

"Well, at least today I don't really have to do any talking…" I said puffing out my cheeks. "The interviews tomorrow are going to be when I really freak out and start looking for a supply closet to hide in."

Peeta sighed as well and reached up to take the pearl from my fingers. He kissed it himself before rolling it gently over my lips in a steady rhythm. "You'll be fine." He promised. "I'll be there, Haymitch and Effie and Johanna and Annie will be there. We'll take care of each other, just like always." He whispered and I nodded slowly after a long moment.

"Now come on…" He said leaning down to kiss me once, twice and on the third kiss, he deepened it and caught my bottom lip between his teeth. "…call Avitus and have our breakfast brought up to the room so you can take your time eating and not have to leave the room until you feel comfortable…" He kissed me again and brought his hands up to hold my face as he deepened the kiss once more. "And while we wait, I'll finish the painting and you can be the first to see the finished product." He whispered and I slapped his chest. Hard.

I knew he was just trying to make me laugh, but I wanted to make sure he knew the world of hurt he was in for if he ever did think of showing my painting to anyone else.

"I better be the only one to see the finished product Peeta Mellark." I warned and he fell to his side on the bed next to me, holding his stomach as he laughed uproariously at the look I was giving him.

I tucked the blankets from our bed under my armpits and stared him down with raised eyebrows as he continued to laugh. When I reached for my robe hanging on the footboard, Peeta sat up shaking his head as he tried to get his laughter under control.

"Alright, alright! I'll stop, just…go lay in the window seat and I'll tell you how to put your hands." He said trying to keep his face neutral as he scrambled off the bed in just his underwear. Peeta pulled his prosthetic on quickly before going to sit on the stool in front of the easel and turned it so that he could see the painting of me. I flushed slightly at seeing it again, a reaction I was pretty sure would take a long time to stop myself from having each time I saw it.

I reached for the phone beside the bed and called down to Avitus, asking if he could send up a selection of breakfast items in about an hour. When I hung up, I stayed under the covers for a few more minutes, watching Peeta's expert hands mixing the paints he would need to complete the painting.

I was so caught up in watching him, focused and completely in his professional element (aside from the fact he was in a pair of boxer shorts and nothing else) that I forgot an integral part of completing the painting was still not in place; me.

"You gonna lay there watching me all morning or you want to go get in the window so I can finish my new favorite painting?" Peeta asked glancing at me over his shoulder with a sly smile.

I held his gaze as I tossed the blankets aside and climbed off of the bed as gracefully as I possibly could without a stitch of clothing on. I strode over to the window, smirking at Peeta as I passed him and fluffed the decorative pillows still lying haphazardly in the seat.

"Which one was in front the green one or the blue one?" I asked and Peeta looked up from his paint mixing to tell me the blue was in the back and the green in front.

I fixed them and then took a deep breath before stretching out on the seat with the pillows propped behind my head and back.

"Where do my hands go again?" I asked trying to make my voice sound strong as I looked over at Peeta. He looked between me and the painting a few times, demonstrating with one of his own hands how the one above my head should go and I folded it behind my head easily. When he told me where to place the one at my hip, my sensory memory reminded me that I could just feel the top edge of my pubic hair when I'd last sat for Peeta like this earlier in the week.

"A little lower." Peeta said glancing between the painting and the hand on my hip. I slid the hand an inch closer to my center and stopped. "A little lower." Peeta said again and I frowned, knowing there was no way my hand had been any farther down. That was when I saw the glint in Peeta's eye and the hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

"Asshole!" I laughed and launched one of the pillows behind my head at him, hitting him in the face. Peeta laughed as he stood and brought the pillow back over to me, placing it behind me where it had originally been.

"Sorry, couldn't resist." He chuckled and sat down on the edge of the window seat. He stroked one of his hands up the leg I had propped on the seat from my ankle to the knee, all the way up to my hip.

My body responded instantly and I felt my nipples tighten and my heart rate and breathing increase as I felt a flush spreading over my body. It gave me the same affected look Peeta's kisses had before he began working on the painting the first time.

"Perfect." He whispered and leaned down to kiss me deeply as he slid the hand on my hip up to ghost over my abdomen and each breast lightly before grasping my chin between two fingers and kissing my lips.

When he pulled back, he smiled at the look in my eyes and rose, moving back over to sit on the stool and picked up his pallet as he began to paint again.

I turned my head to look out the same middle panel he had instructed me to look through before and relaxed back into the pillows. I could tell just by the occasional creaking of the stool or clearing of his throat, that Peeta was definitely becoming aroused.

"Wanna take a break?" I asked after a half hour of silence broken up only by the occasional soft breathing or clearing of a throat from one of us.

"More than you'll ever understand." Peeta whispered and then laughed softly. "But no, I'm just about finished…another 15 minutes probably." He promised. "Then I'm going to come over there and make love to you in the window." He said quietly and I couldn't stop my legs from closing and rubbing together briefly. "Katniss!" Peeta hissed and I groaned and put my legs back how they needed to be for the painting.

Those 15 minutes it took for Peeta to finish the painting felt like an eternity with how turned on I had become. When Peeta finally finished and brought the comforter from the bed over to the window to cover us, I practically attacked him.

"Hey…" Peeta laughed as he leaned down to kiss me and I looped my arms around his neck.

He draped the comforter over his shoulders and climbed on top of me on the window seat cocooning us inside as I reached to push his shorts down.

"Don't you wanna see the painting?" He whispered rubbing his nose against my cheek lightly.

"Later." I groaned and pulled the comforter over both of our heads with a laugh.

We were still snuggled together on the window a little later, when there was a knock at the door. Peeta slipped out of the covers and pulled his shorts back on and I pulled the comforter around me as I stood from the window and walked over to sit on the stool in front of the easel.

I had to admit, the painting was stunning. It never failed to amaze me to see myself through Peeta's eyes. When he returned from the door pushing a small cart of food, he left it by the table and walked over to stand behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders on top of the comforter I wore.

"Like it?" He asked and I could hear the trepidation in his voice. He really cared what I thought of it. He'd captured the look in my eyes that was equal parts love, lust and apprehension perfectly. I could almost see the gooseflesh on my olive skin and seeing the way my nipples swelled in the painting sent a jolt from my chest to between my legs.

"I do…it's very…tasteful." I said nodding and leaned back into his arms. I felt Peeta smile against my hair and he rocked me back and forth from side to side.

"You sure you're okay with me putting it in our bedroom above the bakery? I mean, no one goes in there except for us, but if you'd rather I kept it at the house or…or kept it away somewhere…" he trailed off and I shook my head.

"No, no. It's fine if you want to put it there. It'll look nice." I whispered and turned my head to kiss him softly. "Thank you. I really do love it, Peet." I smiled against his lips and Peeta slipped his tongue into my mouth, deepening the kiss briefly before he pulled back.

"And thank you." He whispered looking down at me. "For trusting me enough to let me paint you like that. I know it was a big deal for you to do it and I appreciate it." Peeta said turning back to look the painting over. "I'll leave it to dry now and then cover it and put it out in the trailer tonight when we get back from dinner. Sound good?" He asked and moved the easel so that it was facing away from the door where anyone who came into the room could see it.

"Sure." I said stretching as I walked back over to the bed and pulled my robe on after shrugging the comforter off of my shoulders. I looked at the bed we had been sleeping…and not sleeping in for 4 nights already and then to Peeta. "Hey," I said as he walked over to stand on his side of the bed. "Pull the sheets off over there, we should probably send these down to be washed. I think I saw a set of fresh linens in the bathroom closet the first morning." I told Peeta as we pulled all of the sheets off of our bed.

Peeta was smiling as we removed the bed linens and I laughed softly. "You're so gross." I said shaking my head and Peeta brought the soiled sheets to his face and gave them a sniff.

"Ugh..yeah, they're getting pretty ripe." He chuckled and balled all of the covers up and set them by the door to carry down with us later. We remade the bed, ate our breakfast and then showered and dressed just in time to hear Haymitch's crabby voice over the intercom telling us that we'd be leaving in 15 minutes for the memorial and we ought to 'give it a rest for at least one friggin' morning anyway'. Peeta grabbed a few pieces of paper from his nightstand that I hadn't noticed the night before and folded them up as we walked out the door together and headed downstairs.

"You ready?" He whispered taking my hand as we reached the first floor foyer and joined the rest of our group.

"Yeah, I think I'm okay now. Thanks." I smiled and squeezed his hand gently before releasing it to take the baby from Annie to say good morning to him.

"Morning little man." Peeta whispered over my shoulder and chuckled when the baby's hand snapped out and he grabbed onto Peeta's nose.

The ride to the CityCenter on the other side of the President's Mansion was a quiet and tense one. Plutarch had decided that he wanted everyone's reaction to the memorial to be as authentic as possible and so none of us had any idea what the Hunger Games memorial was going to look like. All we knew was that it was a massive bronze statue of some sort.

Haymitch didn't like all of us going into this without knowing any more than that and I had heard him even as recently as the previous day on the phone with Plutarch heatedly discussing that point.

We all exchanged anxious looks in the limo and the only thing breaking up the silence was the baby's coos and cries. Johanna looked like she was fighting off a mixture of extreme anger and extreme nausea and not hiding it very well. Annie stared out the front window, her eyes focused on something farther away than any of us could see as she held the baby close and stroked the back of his downy head.

Effie and Haymitch sat across from each other, occasionally making eye contact between concerned looks at each of the rest of us in the car. I leaned into Peeta's side and he put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer the closer we got to the CityCenter.

For my part, I was nervous, but I was becoming more and more curious about the papers Peeta had tucked inside his coat pocket. I knew whatever he wrote down to say would be perfect, I was just surprised that neither Haymitch or Plutarch or any other government officials had asked to look it over first. The faith everyone from common citizen to the new President Paylor had in Peeta amazed me.

"Pulling up." The driver said as the car began to slow down, jolting everyone out of their own thoughts. I turned my head and looked at Peeta who offered me a reassuring smile as the driver got out to open the doors for us. I could already hear the murmur of the crowd as soon as the door opened and I looked over at Haymitch who offered me a similar reassuring smile and added a wink as well. I nodded and tried to smile back at him as everyone began piling out of the car to thunderous applause. Or at least I thought it was thunderous until it rose considerably when Peeta and I climbed out of the car last.

I looked around as I stepped out onto the road and pulled my black peacoat around my body tighter. There were thousands upon thousands of people lining the streets outside of the CityCenter and surrounding the stage that had been erected for those speaking at the dedication of the memorial. In the main square behind the stage was a massive structure stretching almost the length of the enormous stage itself. It was covered completely with white sheeting which told me this was probably the memorial.

We waved and smiled as we were all led to the stage with people yelling our names, cheering and calling out a million questions all at once. Just as we reached the steps to the stage, Plutarch suddenly appeared beside Peeta and me.

"Good morning Peeta, Katniss." He smiled and hugged me and shook Peeta's hand. "Feeling better today, Peeta?" He asked quietly as he leaned in to us. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he obviously knew about Peeta having an episode the day before and also that he was truly concerned about him.

"Much, thank you." Peeta said with a tight smile and I squeezed his hand between our hips as the others joined us at the steps. There were hellos all around from the head government officials, most of whom had been rebel leaders we had fought alongside those last days in the Capitol. Many others I knew from my tour of District 8 as President Paylor brought several of her higher ranking commanders to the Capitol with her to fill positions of power in the new government.

I was put a little more at ease when I saw genuine happiness in their eyes to see the remaining victors carrying on with their lives and beginning to heal from the horrors inflicted on us before and during the war. As we were being passed along the receiving line on our way to the stage, we were joined by Beetee who, as promised, left whatever new technologies he had been working on in the Capitol to join us for the dedication. I gave him a brief hug, still feeling a little awkward with him based on the connection he had to Gale and the bombs they had produced together. The bombs that had more than likely killed my sister.

"Katniss, Peeta. So good to see you back in the Capitol." He said with a smile and glanced at our joined hands approvingly. "And looking so well, too." I offered a smile back and Peeta nodded quickly and brought an arm back around me as we climbed the stairs to the stage together to more applause. Following us were Johanna, Annie and the baby, Haymitch and behind him, I spotted Enobaria. I had to admit, I was pretty surprised that she showed up for the dedication being as she was a bit of an outcast to both sides of the war. The rebels had seen her as a Capitol sympathizer because she was a career from District 2 who had been treated better than most Hunger Games victors. The Capitol had seen her as a victor and as such, someone who could not be trusted as the majority of the victors were obviously taking the side of the rebels.

'But that was during the war' I reminded myself. This was after and we were all trying to bring the country together as one. Not Capitol and District, but as equal citizens of a unified nation. I offered her a tight smile and was surprised when she returned it after a moment. We both nodded and went back to looking out at the seemingly endless sea of people still cheering and waving to us all.

The President was announced and came to the stage with very little fanfare (which I found to be refreshing compared to the elaborate entrances I'd seen President Snow making all of my life). She nodded politely to each of her officials and then stopped and shook the hand of each victor and spoke with them a few moments. When she reached Peeta, she stepped over to stand between the two of us and looked down at our linked hands with a small smile.

"Peeta, Katniss. I'm very glad to see you." She said with a nod and shook each of our hands lightly.

"Thank you for the invitation." I said with a clear and strong voice. "12 will always be my home, but it was nice driving out here and seeing all the changes for the better that have taken place since I was sent home." I wanted to make sure that she knew I was grateful, but also that I still remembered where I stood as something of a war criminal for having killed President Coin.

Paylor gave me the kind of smile that told me she knew what I was hedging at and looked out at the croud a moment trying to think of something to say to that. She heaved a sigh and linked her hands behind her back casually as she turned back and looked Peeta and I over briefly.

"I've kept up with reading Dr. Aurelius' weekly reports on your progress over the last year." She said looking between each of us, keeping her gaze focused on our eyes. "I'm pleased with the progress I've seen in his notes…" She looked down at our linked hands quickly and then back to our faces. "Very pleased." We both nodded and looked at each other quizzically and back to the President.

"Pleased enough…" She said leaning in close to us so that we could hear her clearly over the crowd. "…that I think if I feel safe enough to be around you without an armed guard, then I feel confident you needn't be confined to 12 anymore." She said and both Peeta and I gaped at her. "You have friends in other districts…" she said glancing down the line of victors at Johanna and Annie specifically. "And I believe your mother practices medicine in the new hospital in District 4?"

I looked at the ground and nodded. "She does…I…I haven't seen her since I returned to 12 though…only talked to her on the phone a few times." I mumbled and narrowed my eyes at the sudden painful realization that I missed my mother. I knew why she hadn't come to visit me because it was the same reason I hadn't suggested asking for permission to visit her. "I don't even know if she'd want me to come and see her." I admitted and then looked up when the president placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Well, then maybe you should ask her." She said with a soft smile and looked to her right at the front corner of the stage. My mother was standing in the front row of the crowd, a tentative hand raised in a small wave and a sad smile on her face. I suddenly wanted to run to her and hug her but my pride kept me in place beside Peeta.

I offered her a sad smile back and nodded to let her know I was fine if she wanted to come to me. Paylor nodded to two guards standing near her and they lead my mother to the steps which she hurried up and then made her way across the stage to me. Peeta turned slightly to the side so that he and Paylor along with the two guards who had brought my mom to the stage created a sort of wall blocking this private reunion between mother and daughter from the view of the crowd.

We stood staring at each other for the longest time, but it was my mom who spoke first.

"Katniss…I—."I didn't let her finish speaking, instead I just reached out and pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly.

"I know, it's okay." I whispered beside her ear and she brought her arms up to hold me close too. There was too much in the past for either of us to put into words so we just held each other for a few long moments. It seemed like a much better idea than trying to fill the space with words that could bring no comfort only a year after losing the person we both loved most.

When we finally pulled back from each other, Mom smiled sadly and reached up to touch my cheek. "You look…so… grown up, Katniss." She whispered and I glanced at Peeta and felt my cheeks flush slightly. 'Can she tell?' I wondered silently. Of course she knew from phone calls made and received, when one of us wasn't feeling crushed by the sadness of losing Prim, that Peeta and I were living together in my victor home, but we'd never exactly discussed the exact nature of our arrangement together.

When her smile widened and she followed my gaze to Peeta who was looking a bit bashful himself, I knew that of course she knew; even the smallest details seldom get past a mother's intuition. I remember thinking that the Gamemakers should have looked into harnassing that power when they built the forcefields around their Hunger Games arenas.

She covered for mine and Peeta's embarrassment by noting that I hadn't been like a child in her eyes for quite some time, it was just the shock of not physically seeing me for a year that made her feel that way.

"Thanks, Mom." I murmured and she hugged me again before turning to Peeta. He straightened his posture and smiled that easy smile that made anyone he met like him instantly. My mother smiled brightly and stepped over to wrap him in her arms as well.

I hadn't seen Peeta with his own mother often, but from the few stories he'd shared with me, I gathered she wasn't a very nice person. I mean, who tells their own child that she thinks their district partner in the Hunger Games might bring the first victory for the district in years and doesn't think to care that this means her son will die?

Watching him with my mother, I could see the initial hesitance to accept her affection but when my mom slid one of her hands up to hold the back of his head like a small child, Peeta relaxed into her arms and brought his own up to hug her back.

"Thank you for taking care of my daughter, Peeta." I could just hear her say over the murmur of the crowd that was still gathering for the dedication. I heard him whisper back a shy 'you're welcome' before my mom pulled back and touched his cheek like she had mine.

"And you too, Haymitch." She said still looking at Peeta but addressing the man who stood just a few feet to Peeta's left trying, and failing, to look aloof. Peeta turned his head first and then my mother and I followed suit. All three of us tried not to laugh at Haymitch's obvious discomfort.

He mumbled to himself, shifting uncomfortably and didn't turn his head towards any of us when he replied.

"Yeah, sure thing…I just…pop my head in from time to time anyway…" he said clearing his throat. "They take care of themselves well enough." He said and Peeta and I both chuckled softly.

"I'm…I'm really glad you could make it to this." I said when my mother moved to stand between me and Beetee. Peeta had already reached over for one of my hands and my mother took the other in both of hers.

She cast her eyes nervously to the ground in such a way that I knew she was holding back from saying something. "Me too, I…I almost didn't come at all…" she said finally raising her eyes to mine and I laughed lightly.

"Me either…" I admitted and looked at Peeta quickly and then back to my mom. "We originally told Plutarch no, but Peeta said it might be better if we came and…faced our fears or…or something like that." I said and smiled at him. "He can be very persuasive as most of the country already knows." I said.

"Yes, he certainly can." My mother said with a knowing smile.

We all stepped back a little as the stage began to fill up with more official looking people, pushing our line of people who arrived first to the stage back toward the rows of chairs lined up for us all to sit in. I didn't hear one victor complain about our being removed, however temporary, from the center of attention as we each swiftly found our way to a chair. Once we had settled in and fixed coats and scarves around ourselves to better shield from the chill of the winter morning, my mother turned to face Peeta and myself better.

"I heard that you'll be giving the speech before the unveiling this morning Peeta, that's wonderful." Despite the pretty convincing act she put on for cameras when we returned from the Games, my mom has always demonstrated a fondness for Peeta. Maybe it was that she grew up in the town with his father and knew what a good and kind man he was, or maybe it was hearing the story of Peeta throwing me the bread in the first Games, but whatever the reason, she had a genuine affection for him.

"Yes ma'am, I am." Peeta replied shyly but, as usual didn't look the slightest bit nervous about facing the crowd in front of us or the millions that would be watching on television.

I squeezed his hand where it rested on his knee and he leaned over boldly and caught my lips in a kiss which I just as boldly returned. It wasn't for the crowd or to prove anything to my mother who already knew we were living together back in 12, it was a way of communicating that we were there to back up the other if either of us needed the support during this ceremony. When we pulled back slightly, I rested my forehead against Peeta's and we each took a deep, steadying breath.

"I love you." I whispered softly enough for Peeta to hear but not enough to avoid having my mother hear. Peeta leaned back a little farther and smiled his thousand watt smile at me.

"Love you too." He whispered back and winked at me as we heard the crackle of a microphone turning on and Plutarch walked to the middle of the stage. The crowd cheered and all of us on stage clapped politely until Plutarch raised his hands with a smile, signaling for the crowd to quiet down.

"Thank you, thank you! I'm delighted to see such a tremendous turnout for today's dedication of the Hunger Games memorial." Some more cheering ensued and I couldn't help smiling when I felt both my mother and Peeta each squeeze the hand of mine they were holding in a gesture of support.

"As you see behind me here on the stage, the remaining Hunger Games victors have graciously agreed to honor us with their presence on this day of rememberance." Plutarch said turning to look down the line of faces in the front row of chairs where we all sat, front and center once again since the government officials had moved to take the seats behind us when Plutarch headed to center stage. "And that is exactly what it is. Not a day for celebration, merriment, or silly parties where we fill ourselves with food and drink. It is a day for honoring the children plucked from their homes and families for 75 years and forced to kill one another in arenas filled with unspeakable horrors in the name of entertainment."

I realize it may seem redundant at this point, but the first thing that popped into my head after hearing Plutarch's opening remarks was 'Wow'. I glanced over at Peeta whose eyebrows were raised and I could tell the same exact cliché word was ping-ponging around inside his head as well.

The murmur of excitement that had been coursing through the crowd changed just that quickly to an uncomfortable and offended buzz. Despite the obvious change in the mood of the crowd, Plutarch soldiered on, clearly bent on reminding everyone of the true reason we were all gathered there that day.

"Speaking today on behalf of the Hunger Games victors is 74th Hunger Games victor, Peeta Mellark."

Despite the hysteria and fear the Capitol had tried to instill in its' citizens during those last days as the rebel forces pushed farther and farther into the city, Peeta remained in the favor of most citizens once the dust had settled so to speak.

As soon as Plutarch said Peeta's name, the crowd broke into cheers and whistles. Shouts of his name could be heard from everywhere around the stage and down the surrounding streets.

Peeta leaned over and kissed me once more as he started to stand from his chair to head for the podium at the front of the stage. I reached up and held his cheek on the side of his head facing the crowd so that my wrist covered our joined lips. I knew that the whole country was watching us kiss and it made me feel a little bit better to give us that small bit of privacy.

"You good?" I whispered lightly and he deepened the kiss as I felt him reach up run a hand through my hair. The crowd cheered more loudly and I could only just hear Peeta's reply when he finally pulled back from my lips.

"I am now." He whispered and winked at me as he stood and turned toward the podium. I watched him straighten his shoulders and take a quick, steadying breath before he walked to the front of the stage.

The crowd continued to cheer and cheer as Peeta neared the podium but stopped when he reached it and raised a hand to quiet them. I could only see the side of his face, but it was enough to see that he definitely wasn't the smiling, puppy-love teenager any of them remembered him as.

"Good morning." He began and cleared his throat quietly before repeating the greeting a little louder. You could have heard a pin drop it was so quiet. The Capitol audience waited for him to continue. Instead of a pin though, all we heard was the whistle of the winter wind as it whipped through the city streets and the flap of the sheets covering the memorial as it moved them.

"I'm sure you're all already aware of a lot of what's been going on in my life since last year…" He said and I could see his cheek rise on the side of his face that was visible to me, so I knew he was smiling a little bit. "The photographers Katniss and I have had to chase off of our yard a few times in the past several months prove that."

There was a rumbling of quiet laughter through the crowd which told me that the Capitol citizens had, in fact, been keeping up with the continuing saga of the star-crossed lovers of the 74th Hunger Games. There were a number of entertainment news shows that they would have watched in that year following the war, grasping at any morsel of information about us in the same way any number of district residents would have grasped at a crumb of bread in those years leading up to the rebellion. I was certain that some of them thought they knew all there was to know about our lives since the rebellion.

Their reactions to the rest of Peeta's speech showed that those silly news shows hadn't even scratched the surface of the struggles we'd faced since returning to 12.

"I can joke about the attention paid to us now of course, but…uh…but that's because this is what Katniss and I would refer to as a 'good day'." I was immediately stunned by the realization that he was going to tell them about his episodes. The deep, dark secret known only to those close enough to us to understand what the red X means or the horrible things Peeta sees and hears in his mind when it hangs on a door I am not welcome to enter.

I sensed that Peeta knew I would be questioning his judgement to share this with the masses as his back stiffened slightly and he turned his head just enough to cut his eyes my way before he continued.

"Yesterday, when I wrote down everything I wanted to say to you all at this dedication, I was…by comparison, having a 'bad day'." He placed his hands on the podium and looked out over the crowd slowly. You could hear the confused murmurs of a crowd of people who still had no real clue just what kind of emotional nightmare we had gone through, what each tribute who had ever been a part of the Hunger Games had gone through, from the moment our names were called at the reaping.

I watched as he reached into his pocket and pulled out that small wooden letter hanging on a piece of twine. Peeta held it in his palm for a few seconds just looking at it before he hung it gently on the neck of the microphone for everyone to see. Again, the quiet murmur of a confused crowd could be heard.

"A 'bad day' for me is one where the memories of the weeks of torture and brainwashing I endured after being taken from the Quarter Quell arena revisit me. I have nightmares where I remember in vivid detail the beatings, the near starvation, the hours and hours of questioning. Worst of all, I remember…." He stopped and looked down at the podium and I saw his hands grip the sides of it powerfully and almost stood to go to him but my mother kept a strong grip on my hand. When I looked over at her she just shook her head sadly.

"Let him finish, Katniss." She whispered and I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned back to watch him, trying to mentally send him the strength to continue.

"…I remember being strapped to a chair several times a day and having tracker jacker venom injected into me. They…they had some sort of ocular devices that forced and held my eyes open so that I didn't miss one millisecond of the videos they played trying to convince me that Katniss was some mutt they created to deceive and eventually kill everyone that I cared about."

He looked up at the crowd again and cleared his throat.

"The tracker jacker venom was terrible. It burned like fire in my body and did things to my brain I'd only ever thought could be done to an egg in one of our recipes at the bakery. But worse than the tracker jacker venom or the interrogations, or the beatings, was slowly beginning to accept and believe what they were saying about Katniss." His voice broke a little on my name and he turned his head to look at me with a sad smile which I returned and then mouthed to him that he could do it.

Peeta's smile widened just enough for me, but no one else, to notice and he turned back to the crowd once more. "What I didn't realize was that it wasn't Katniss who had become a mutt, it was me." He looked down again and I saw him take a deep breath before he went on. "By the time the rebels were able to put a rescue plan into action, the damage was already done…I was rescued along with Annie and Johanna, and taken to District 13 where Katniss was waiting for me, expecting to get back the boy she had…accidentally fallen in love with while pretending to love him during the Games to keep us both alive."

Peeta made no pretense about the nature of our relationship before the Games. The Capitol citizens already knew enough by that point in time that they were aware of the ruse we'd kept up, at least on my part, thanks to an expose on one of the same silly entertainment news channels I previously mentioned.

"What happened instead…was….was that when she found me in the hospital wing of 13, she ran to me, expecting a loving embrace…probably some kissing….okay, a lot of kissing." The crowd laughed softly at this and Peeta continued right over the sound of their laughter. "…but instead of reaching out to hold her, I…I grabbed her by her throat and tried to kill her."

Obviously no one in the Capitol had heard that version of our reunion yet. There were gasps and screeches of horror from all around the stage.

"It's probably only thanks to the torture and malnutrition I experienced in the Capitol that I wasn't strong enough to crush her windpipe." I had to hand it to Peeta, he was certainly being candid with them.

I finally looked away from Peeta to see how everyone else was fairing as they listened to his speech. Haymitch looked as though he'd like to slip the flask from his coat pocket and down the entire thing in one gulp. Plutarch's attention was focused steadfastly on Peeta and I had a difficult time reading his face. Johanna's look was that of a force warrior as she watched Peeta and I could almost hear her thinking 'that's right, give it to them Blondie'. Annie was holding her sleeping child close in her arms, rocking him back and forth as she listened to Peeta with a sadness so deep I had to look away from her after only a second or two.

"Through extensive therapy that I still continue with today, I have been able to repair some of the corridors of my mind with enough success that I'm able to share a life with Katniss today." He reached out to touch the dangling red X gently, making it swing back and forth on the microphone. "But I've been told that there is no way to completely reverse what was done to me during my capture." He let that hang in the air for a few long seconds before nodding to the X.

"I brought this letter with me today so that you could all see the object that acts as a daily reminder of that fact to Katniss and to me. Because on those 'bad days', days like yesterday, I hang this letter on the door of our bedroom and lock myself in there so that I can't hurt the girl I've loved my entire life." He looked around at the crowd and then over his shoulder at me. "It can be hours and sometimes days before I feel okay enough to leave the room without being worried I might try to harm Katniss. You can tell by the wear that it is a frequent and unwelcomed visitor in our home. More than any other horror I faced in the Games or during my capture, this is the most terrifying thing of all that the old regime left me with. I wake up every day beside Katniss silently wishing that it will be the last day we have to worry about 'bad days' and can live a more normal life." He laughed humorlessly at the thought. "Of course, that's just a dream because there are too many scars, physical and emotional for us…for any of us…" he said looking at the other victors lined up beside me. "…to forget. As I'm sure you can see in the eyes of my fellow tributes up here on the stage…" He looked again to the line of faces behind him. "…there never really was such thing as a Hunger Games victor."

He turned back to the crowd once more. "And we shouldn't forget. Not one citizen alive today, whether they live here in the Capitol or one of the surrounding districts, should ever forget the war, or the Games, or what brought our society to a place where any single one of us found it acceptable to treat another with anything less than the love and respect we all deserve as human beings." He glanced over his other shoulder at Haymitch and then back to the crowd.

"I'm not saying…that it will be easy or immediate…but if we can agree to the simple truth that every life has meaning far beyond finding entertainment in its ending young, alone and away from loved ones, then I think we might be on the right track to healing some of the wounds inflicted on our society as a whole by the Hunger Games pageant. No, we shouldn't ever forget…but I for one have enough faith in my country to say that perhaps, with enough time, we can forgive each other the trespasses of our past with the hope of a promising future as citizens of one unified nation we can all be proud to call ourselves citizens of." When Peeta paused to let that sink in, a slow but steady clapping began from somewhere far back in the crowd that slowly rose to roaring applause.

Peeta looked to Plutarch who nodded in some previously agreed upon signal which Peeta returned before looking back out at the crowd. "This memorial," He said gesturing to the massive structure covered in sheets. "…presented to all of Panem today, will serve not only as a way to remember those we lost in 75 years of Hunger Games, but as the symbol of a promise we make here and now to help each other on that journey to becoming united as we once were."

As Peeta said that last sentence, the sheets were pulled away and a magnificent bronze monument stood before us all. As soon as I could see the full thing, the length of it I had been puzzled by when it was beneath the sheets immediately made sense as I looked at full-sized figures of all 24 of us tributes from the 75th Hunger Games standing in a line holding hands. It was like a perfectly captured snapshot in bronze of that moment on the stage the night of the tribute interviews. I was amazed that their existed any remaining footage of what, at the time, the Capitol had seen as a dangerous, revolution-inspiring image to be used to create such an extraordinary and detailed monument.

I didn't even realize I had moved from my seat or that I had wondered about the footage from the interview night aloud until Peeta took my hand where we were both standing beside the podium and provided me with the answer. "They did destroy all of the footage from that night that existed in film form." He said quietly and turned to look down into my eyes. "But they somehow forgot to erase it from here…" he said touching his forehead with the fingertips of the hand not holding mine and smiling softly.

I gasped and looked from Peeta to the line of statues, and back again. "It was you?" I asked looking back to the statues again. "You made that?" I asked in awe and Peeta chuckled. "No, no…my artistic talents are pretty much contained to paint and pastries, Sweetheart." He teased and turned so that we were both looking at the statues and wrapped an arm around my waist. "But if you remember, that image of us all on the stage made it to the monitors long enough for not only the whole country, but the 24 of us standing up there to see it for a few memorable moments." He explained with a self-satisfied grin. "Plutarch asked me to make a sketch of it and they used it as a guide to create the memorial."

No one stopped me when I moved across the stage towards the steps, holding Peeta's hand for support as we made our way to the spectacular sculpture that I was so proud to be able to say Peeta had helped create. "It's…it's unbelievable, Peeta." I said reaching out to touch the strong jaw of the statue of Peeta that was at the end of the line closest to us. I pulled my hand back with a start when I noticed, aside from it being cold to the touch and harder than his skin, the shape of the jaw felt exactly like touching the real thing.

Peeta chuckled at my reaction and nodded towards the space between our two statues' bronze feet. Placed there was a large plaque I hadn't noticed from farther away that had engraved on it the names of every single tribute who had been reaped from District 12 since the first Hunger Games. As I looked down the line of other statues, I saw similar plaques placed between each of the other pairs of tributes as well.

Between but in front of the tributes of Districts 6 and 7 was a large rock-shaped piece of bronze roughly the height of a six or seven-year-old chid. As Peeta and I moved closer to it, I heard Plutarch behind us on the stage asking that a microphone be given to me. When one had been passed from the stage through the crowd to where we stood in front of the bronze rock, it was placed in my hand and I turned to look up at Plutarch and see what he wanted me to do. While the initial reaction of the crowd to the sight of the memorial had been another murmur of gasps and hushed words, they had once again returned to a state of stunned silence.

"If you'll notice on the main plaque at the front of the monument, Katniss…in the circle that once held the emblem of the Capitol Eagle with arrows clutched in its talons, there now sits instead a mockingjay. Your mockingjay, holding an olive branch." I know I must have looked upset considering all of the trouble the image of my mockingjay pin had caused as an accidental call to arms to the citizens of the districts, but Plutarch just smiled and nodded to the plaque. "If you could read the words on the plaque for us please Katniss." He said and stepped back form the microphone at the podium.

I sighed but held tight to Peeta's hand as I turned to face the plaque and began to read the words into the microphone.

"This memorial, dedicated to the 1, 824 souls who competed in 75 years of the Hunger Games, stands as a reminder to us all that we are one nation. Not Capitol and District, or coal miners, field hands, fisherman and other trades, but one nation dedicated to the idea of equal rights and opportunities for every citizen. With the promise of a brighter future it is not only proper, but essential that we adopt a new national seal that illustrates both our commitment to rectifying the mistakes of our past, and to the promise of our future. There is no greater symbol of hope for a country striving to be better than where it came from, than a bird which evolved from the offspring of the jabberjays used by the Capitol as a tool to spy on rebels in the first revolution, and the wild and free mockingbird whose song is recognizable to anyone in Panem. Just like the District 12 tribute who wore it as a token in her Games, the mockingjay was never meant to be created but adapted and survived all the same. The strength and power of the eagle with its tools of war clutched close at hand must give way to the resourceful, intelligent and spirited mockingjay carrying the olive branch of peace to every citizen."

When I finished reading the plaque, I felt an immense sense of relief as I realized that the mockingjay had become something so much greater than a scared and confused girl with a handful of berries.

Looking at Peeta, I knew that he saw my relief too and he pulled me closer into his side with a smile and kissed the side of my head. "I told you Katniss…you have no idea, the effect you have on people." He whispered and nodded to the crowd standing motionless watching us.

I turned in his arms so that we were facing each other, the crowd to our side, and rested my hands on his hips as a large smile spread across my face. "No, I didn't…" I admitted as I leaned in close to his face. "…but I'm definitely starting to get it." I whispered just before my lips crashed up into his and Peeta pulled me closer in his arms. I looped my arms around Peeta's neck and as we began to kiss more deeply, the crowd nearly burst with joy as they began screaming, clapping and cheering like nothing I had ever heard before.

We finally pulled apart when, just like after we first saw each other following our victory in the 74th Games, Haymitch placed a hand on Peeta's shoulder and playfully told us to give it a rest.

We turned with tear-filled eyes to both embrace him next and Haymitch returned our affection in a way he never had before. He cupped the backs of our heads in each of his large hands before releasing us to the other remaining victors' embraces and then to my mother and those in the government we had personally fought alongside in the war.

As the victors, we were the first to walk along and view the memorial up close. There were frequent stops to read the names on the plaques or comment on the likeness of a statue to the real person. By the time we reached the District 1 statues, I could see the same emotional exhaustion I felt in the eyes of my companions.

Plutarch approached the small group of us gathered by the edge of the crowd that was now lined up by the thousands to be the first to view the memorial up close. We were all surprised to see President Paylor walking alongside him and halted our conversations and turned our full attention to them when they reached us.

"Those were powerful words you both said back there Katniss and Peeta." She said simply and it was Johanna who responded for us.

"Sure were, I just hope the government plans to back them up with real results before little Odair here is a parent himself." She said holding Paylor's gaze steadily.

The president gazed back just as coolly before her face softened into a smile and she clasped her hands behind her back. "I trust you'll have no problem letting us know if we're not moving fast enough for your liking, Miss Mason." Against her better nature, Johanna smiled back and gave a curt nod.

"Well then, I can tell you've all spent a sufficient amount of time in the public eye for today so I'll be happy to have your drivers notified and instructed to take you anywhere you would like for the rest of the day."

We all looked at each other and then to the president. Peeta spoke for us all, sharing the sentiment he could see in the eyes of each person in our little group. "I think we'd all just like to go back to our assigned quarters if that's alright." He said as I leaned into his side to block the chill of the air.

There were murmurs of agreement and Paylor nodded. "Yes, of course. Go back and enjoy the rest of your day. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon for the live interviews." She said turning to move on to greet the crowd. "I look forward to having you share whatever you feel comfortable, with the people of your country. Thank you all for being here this week. You don't know what it means to the people of Panem." She said taking the time to look each of us in the eye and shook our hands before she moved on.

Just as we were all turning away from her, the President turned and called to Peeta. "You forgot this." She said holding her closed hand out to him. Peeta frowned, confused and walked the few steps forward to reach out to her. We all watched as she placed the red X in Peeta's open palm and gently pushed his fingers closed over top of it.

She kept her hand on top of his closed fist for a moment as they both just looked at each other.

"Thank you." Peeta said finally and Paylor nodded once before continuing on her way. I turned to my mother as Peeta stepped back over to us and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, rubbing my arm brusquely to warm me up.

"Are you staying for the rest of the week, Mom?" I asked hopefully and she regarded Peeta and I carefully before responding.

"I…wasn't planning on staying…I was heading back to District 4 tonight on the train…" I tried to hide my disappointment as I nodded silently. Peeta nudged my foot with the side of one of his and when I looked up into his face he wagged his eyebrows toward my mom.

"What?" I whispered harshly and Peeta rolled his eyes and turned his attention to my mother.

"Mrs. Everdeen…" he said with that easy smile. "We'd…Katniss and I that is…we would love it if you stayed with us at least for the night…. There are more bedrooms than we can count in the house we've been staying in and I'm sure it would be nice for you and Katniss to spend some time catching up…" he said and kicked me again lightly.

I felt like a complete idiot for not suggesting this first so I tried to make up for it by nodding enthusiastically. "Could you? That would be great, Mom." I asked as our limosine pulled up on the street in front of the stage.

She looked between Peeta and I and a slow but delighted smile blossomed on her face. "I would like that very, very much." She said quietly and we all stood smiling at each other like idiots…until Haymitch killed the moment as only he ever could (or still can for that matter).

"Terrific! Everyone's happy now, let's get in the damned car and get the hell out of here." He said pushing past the three of us and topping it off with a loud belch as he opened the door for Effie, Johanna and Annie to climb in first.

I had almost forgotten that my mom not only lived in the same district as Annie, but also that she had assisted in the delivery of baby Zale. I mentally cursed myself with a string of profanity that would have made Haymitch blush if he heard it, before climbing in after them and sitting between my mom and Annie on the bench seat.

"How's this sweet little boy doing?" My mom asked and Annie placed Zale in my arms so that she could see him better. She clucked a finger under his chubby chin and the baby cooed and smiled at her brightly.

"He's doing well." Annie said proudly as she watched me settle the baby into the crook of my arm easily. "Eats like he's starving all day long and sleeps like a log through most of the night." She explained and my mother nodded approvingly.

"Well that's good then. He's growing up big and strong." She said moving her hand to stroke back the coppery hair on top of his head. I watched her looking him over with the trained eye of a healer and could tell the exact moment when she mentally gave him a clean bill of health. It made me smile to see a spark of her old self and I offered the baby to her.

"Are you sure you want me to take him?" Mom asked as a playful smile teased at one corner of her mouth. "You look quite comfortable with a baby in your arms, Katniss." She said with a decided nod.

I could feel my cheeks flush immediately and my eyes shifted around the inside of the limo, daring any of the people in the car to make mention of similar conversations I'd had with most of them, some in just the last few days.

"Yeah sure, you take him." I mumbled and passed the baby to her quickly. I couldn't help rolling my eyes at the grin Peeta was flashing me from where he sat across the car next to Haymitch and Effie.

When we arrived back at the house, I asked Avitus to have some clothing brought to the home for my mother wear for the next few days but she insisted she was only going to stay the night. They needed her back in the hospital since there was still a shortage of competent doctors with enough years of training under their belts in most of the districts at the time.

Effie told her that she'd give her some pajamas for the night at least and asked Avitus to take my mother to her room to pick something out before he showed her where her own room for the night would be.

"lunch is served in the dining room, I'll send your mother down to eat once she's settled in." Avitus announced and we all hung up our outerwear in the foyer before heading to the dining room. Johanna piled up a plate to take to her room, making up an excuse about still being a little hung over from the night before. I knew it was really just that her nerves were as strung out from the dedication ceremony as the rest of ours were. Annie made a plate to go as well, saying that she wanted to feed the baby and put him down for his nap and she'd see us for dinner.

That left Effie, Haymitch, Peeta and myself at the dining table. We made small talk and Effie gushed over Peeta's speech to the point it was becoming embarrassing. Haymitch eventually wandered off for his afternoon drink-and-pass-out appointment with a bottle of liquor. By the time my mother came down to eat, Peeta and I were the only ones left and we were cuddled up on the fancy couch in the living room watching a group of cardinals at the bird feeder outside the window.

"Avitus said the room I'm in is right next to yours, I…hope that's alright." My mother said suddenly from the doorway and Peeta and I sat up like young kids caught making out when we were supposed to be studying, when in fact we'd just been cuddling and looking out the window.

"Oh…yeah, that's fine I guess." I shrugged and stood to join her at the table. Peeta exscused himself, saying that he was going to go take a nap since the adrenaline of the speech had begun to wear off.

"Sure, just call down here if you need anything, alright?" I said quietly and Peeta nodded and kissed my cheek before he headed upstairs. My mom looked around at the places at the table where people had obviously been sitting not long ago.

"Everyone's pretty drained from the memorial." I explained and took my seat as Mom made a plate for herself and took the chair across from me.

"That's understandable. How are you feeling after all that?" She asked lifting a sandwich half to her lips. I chuckled and shook my head, smiling at her to temper my next words.

"I'm fine, Mom. If I feel like I'm not at any point today or the rest of the week, I'll make sure to call my doctor." I said trying not to sound annoyed. "I've been doing that a little more regularly since we last talked on the phone." I shared and she looked genuinely pleased to hear that.

"You really are growing up quite well, Katniss." She said sipping a glass of water and then cleared her throat. "I'm just sorry I haven't…been around for you to ask any questions you might have had about…well, since you've started a relationship with Peeta." She said quietly and a few of those curses from earlier flitted through my mind again as I realized she was asking me in a sort of roundabout way if I had any questions for her about my sexual relationship with Peeta.

I sipped my own glass of water, gulping down about half of it before I set it back on the table with a shrug. "It's alright, you've been busy in 4 setting up the hospital." I shrugged again and bit into a piece of my own sandwich. "Anyway, Peeta and I are good and we've…figured things out okay on our own." I said quickly and stuffed the remainder of the sandwich in my mouth.

When I looked up, my mom was regarding me carefully and I shifted my eyes from left to right avoiding her gaze. "So you two are…" she waved a hand in front of her, looking for the word that would be least likely to embarrass me since she obviously had no problem with this conversation. "…intimate." Since she phrased it more like a statement than a question I just wagged my eyebrows once and went back to eating.

"Katniss…" she said sternly and I slowly raised my gaze to her face as I shoved another half of sandwich in my mouth. "If you see yourself as mature enough to live with your boyfriend, than you're certainly mature enough to answer a few questions from your mother."

I set the sandwich half I was trying to stuff into my mouth in its entirety back down on my plate and folded my hands on the table in front of me. "Alright, alright…fine." I grumbled and shrugged my shoulders. "What…exactly do you want to ask me?" I asked nervously and my mom rolled her eyes.

"Of for goodness sakes, Katniss, I just want to know if you're using protection and if you had any questions for me." She blurted out and I widened my eyes briefly and cleared my throat.

"Oh, well…ok. Umm…no, no questions and yes, I get that shot every few months to prevent pregnancy. Before I was on that, Peeta…or I should say Haymitch by way of Peeta, provided the protection." I said and rolled my eyes. My mom chuckled and nodded in response to my discomfort.

"I'm glad he's around for the two of you. You might be surprised to hear that he was a very nice young man up until he went into the Games. Very handsome too." She said speaking about Haymitch who I constantly forgot she had sort of grown up with. I made a retching sound and she shot me a disapproving look.

"What was that I was just saying about you being mature?" she asked and I couldn't stop a laugh of my own.

"Sorry, I'll stop. But you're right." I said picking at the fruit on my plate. "It's nice having Haymitch around even if he is only conscious roughly forty percent of the time." I joked and my mother laughed softly.

"Seriously though, you…you don't have any question you want to ask? I know I gave you a general idea when you reached puberty because what they were telling you children at school was complete nonsense, but it's different when you're actually putting that information into practice." She said and I groaned but kept myself from making a face.

"No, Mom, no questions…all good here…I mean, we've been… 'intimate' for almost a year now, I think I've got the hang of how things work." I smirked and she raised her hands defensively but nodded.

"Okay, okay, I just had to ask. I feel bad that I'm so far away and I've been worried that you might have had questions and I wasn't there to answer them for you like I should have been." I suddenly felt really guilty for being so…well, childish about this when my mother had been genuinely concerned about this probably since she knew Peeta and I were living together.

"Okay, well, in the future if I have any questions you'll be at the top of my list of people to call." I said giving her an exaggerated two thumbs up.

"Good. I'm glad to hear that." She said with a soft smile. "Peeta's got Haymitch right next door to bring any questions to, you should feel you have someone to go to as well and I just wanted to make sure you knew that I'd appreciate it if that person for you was…me." She said with a little shrug and I realized my mother had actually been nervous to bring this up with me. Something about the vulnerability I saw in her face at that moment reminded me of how she'd looked during that year after my father died and before I could overthink it, I was out of my seat and walking around the table where I dropped down on my knees beside her chair and wrapped my arms around her waist.

She stiffened at first, probably stunned at such a display of affection coming from me and then she relaxed and placed a hand on top of my head, stroking my hair back lovingly.

"I love you, Katniss. I want to be available to you anytime you need me even if we do live far apart. You are my only daughter now." She said, whispering the last part as I heard her voice catch and then the telltale sniffle of tears flowing freely.

"I love you too, Mom." I said tightening my arms around her waist as she continued to pet my hair for a little longer. After a few minutes I stood and went back to my chair and the rest of our lunchtime conversation flowed easily and without any of the awkwardness I expected when it first looked like we were going to be left alone for the meal.

Afterwards we headed upstairs and I walked my mom to her door. "I think I'm going to lie down myself for a little while. I was on the train so early this morning to make the trip down here."

I nodded and looked over at the door to mine and Peeta's room. "Yeah, me too. I was up late with the girls last night and I still have a little bit of a headache from the wine that wasn't exactly helped by the stress from the memorial thing today." I said with a grimace and my mom laughed as she opened her door.

"I don't imagine it was." She said stepping into her room and turning around to face me. "You did wonderful at the memorial today, Katniss." She said proudly. "Peeta too. I couldn't have hoped for you to find a better man than him." She said glancing at our door as well.

"He is pretty perfect." I whispered and then widened my eyes. "Please don't ever tell him I said that though." I chuckled and Mom stepped into the hall and hugged me quickly.

"Your secret is safe with me." She whispered back and pulled back to look in my face. "Though I doubt it'd be a surprise for him to hear that you feel that way." She said and smiled when I looked at her confused. "You're in love with the boy, Katniss. Anyone can see it plain as day watching the two of you together." She said and I flushed again but smiled brightly.

"Have a good rest, Mom. I'll see you for dinner?" I asked and she promised to be the first one to the dining room before wishing me a good rest and closing the door.

I headed next door to mine and Peeta's room and slipped in quietly. Peeta was sleeping soundly, stretched out on top of the bed and taking over most of both sides. I gently removed his right shoe and carefully unlatched his prosthetic before kicking my own shoes off and climbing onto the bed beside him.

"Katniss…" he whispered in his sleep and reached a hand out, patting the mattress as he searched for me. I smiled and leaned over to kiss his forehead lightly and slid over into his arms.

"I'm right here, Peeta." I whispered back and slid one hand up the front of his shirt to rest over his heart on his bare chest. I left it there even as I fell asleep a few minutes later.

When we woke again, it was already past dark and we both changed into more comfortable clothes and headed down to dinner. I sat between Peeta and my mother this time and we all laughed and told stories and passed the baby around the table like a real family.

Later on when we were all stuffed from our meal and lounging on the large sectional sofa in the living room by the fire, I saw my mother watching Peeta. He was stretched out on one end of the sofa with his legs tented and the baby propped against his thighs. He was making all sorts of embarrassing, silly baby noises at him much to Johanna and Annie's entertainment.

"You realize you sound like an idiot, right?" Haymitch asked shaking his head at Peeta. It was difficult to tell if Annie and Johanna were laughing more at the sounds Peeta was making or the looks of disgust Haymitch kept throwing his way. Effie thought everything he was doing was adorable which, in turn, only served to back up Haymitch's position that he sounded like an idiot.

I glanced over at my mother as I was laughing at a particularly funny noise Peeta was making to make the baby laugh when she glanced between Peeta and I a few times pointedly.

"Not you too." I said quietly and rolled my eyes as I flopped back against the couch beside her.

"Oh don't worry dear, I'm still pretty young myself you know. I'm in no hurry for grandchildren if that's what you're concerned about." She said reaching over to pat my hands that were resting in my lap. "He is wonderful with Zale though." She admitted with a chuckle.

"No argument here." I said with a chuckle and watched the baby going cross-eyed to try and see Peeta's finger as he moved it back and forth from the baby's nose to his own a few times.

"Well, if you ever decide that it is the right time to have children, at least you know he'll make a wonderful father." She whispered and I nodded slightly but didn't say anything more. We spent a few hours in the living room, heading off to bed one at a time until only my mom, Peeta, Haymitch and I remained, though Haymitch only counted as a half a person since he was passed out.

"Well, I'm gonna get him to his room. You ladies going to stay down here for a little?" Peeta asked moving over to the end of the couch Haymitch was sleeping on and pulling both of the older man's legs off of the couch first and then pulling him by the collar of his shirt into a sitting position.

"Just for a little, I'll be up soon." I said in a way that I'm sure left no doubt in my mother's mind as to how comfortable we were in our nighttime routine.

"Goodnight, Peeta." She said standing and giving him a one armed hug as he stood with Haymitch propped up against him. Peeta made that surprised face again but returned her hug easily.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Everdeen." He whispered and smiled shyly when she pecked a kiss on his forehead before he headed out the door pulling Haymitch along with him.

I watched Peeta and Haymitch go before sliding down to lay on the couch with my head in my mother's lap. She chuckled softly and removed the tie from my braid, running her fingers through the full length of my hair a few times to separate the strands.

"We haven't sat like this since you were a little girl." She whispered and I nodded. "You would always say to me, 'Mommy scratch my head! I can't fall asleep unless you scratch my head!'." We both laughed at that and then fell into a silence so long that she probably thought I had fallen asleep.

"I miss Prim." I said so softly that I wondered at first if she'd heard me at all. When her fingers stilled on my scalp for a second or two, I knew that she had.

"Me too, baby. Me too." She whispered back and leaned down to kiss my head. I sighed and she sighed before Mom continued to scratch her fingers through my hair like she was doing before I spoke and we watched the fire until it was almost burned out.

Apparently that was all that needed to be said on the subject for the time being and that seemed fine with the two of us. It was a big step after all.

Neither one of us had spoken her name to the other since that first tearful phone call when I'd first returned to District 12.

When we headed up to bed a while later, my mother stopped at my door with me to say good night.

"Think Peeta's still waiting up for you?" She asked with a grin and I blushed and shrugged my shoulders. I realized it was going to take some time before I was okay having this sort of talk with my mother.

"He was pretty tired from the memorial today, he's probably already asleep." I said folding my arms over my chest.

"Katniss? Is that you?" My mom smiled and I rolled my eyes as Peeta's voice drifted through the door.

"…or not." I whispered and my mom leaned in to kiss me on the cheek as I put my hand on the door knob.

"Good night Katniss." She whispered and headed for her own door.

"Good night Mom." I whispered back before pushing the door open and heading into my room.

I was surprised to find one of the bedside lamps on dimly and Peeta sitting up on his side of the bed looking around confused. I tried to remain calm but still walked quickly over to him and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Hey, hey…you alright?" I asked brushing his hair back from his sweaty forehead. It suddenly made sense; he'd been having a nightmare. "Oh, Peeta…I'm sorry I wasn't here." I said tugging him forward into my arms and stroking my fingers through the chilled sweaty hair on the back of his head.

"It's okay…I was more upset when I woke up a few minutes ago, but I realized where you were after a minute or two and was okay." He murmured into my neck and brought his arms up to hold me close.

"Well, I'm sorry anyway." I said with a sigh and continued to stroke his hair.

"You and your mom have a nice time today?" He asked moving to lay back down but reaching out to hold one of my hands against his chest to keep contact with me. I decided it must have been a pretty awful nightmare.

"Yeah, we did. Thank you for inviting her to stay. That was a really nice gesture." I said leaning over to kiss him gently. "Especially since I'm such a bone head that it didn't even occur to me until you said something." I groaned and then smirked at him. "As if my mother needed another reason to love you." I teased and rolled my eyes playfully.

Peeta grinned and then his smile slowly faded. "She really does love me doesn't she?" he asked in awe and my heart nearly broke as I remembered an 11-year-old boy whose mother slapped him across the face for burning a loaf of bread.

"She sure does." I smiled and laid a palm flat on his cheek. The smile bloomed on his face once more and he tugged me back to the bed when I stood and said I was going to go change.

"No, don't." he whispered in a way that after almost a year together, told me exactly why he didn't want me to go change.

"Peeta, my mother is right through that wall." I whispered with a whine and he glanced toward the wall and back to me with that lost puppy look that got me every single time.

"But I had a nightmare." He said sitting up and tugging me forward where I stood beside the bed so that he could wrap his arms around me. "I need you." He murmured into my stomach and I groaned. He always knew exactly the right words to say to get me to do what he wanted.

Obviously Peeta took my groan for the noise of surrender it was and he pulled back a little to tug my shirt over my head. "Thank you." He whispered and worked down the button and zipper on my jeans before pushing them and my underwear straight to the floor. He didn't even bother with my bra for the moment, just placed my hands on his shoulders and lifted me by the backs of my thighs onto the bed straddling his hips.

I gasped and settled down onto his lap as we began kissing and moaned when I felt his hardness through the covers beneath me. "Peeta…" I sighed as he moved desperate kisses to my neck. It must have been a very bad nightmare. He started to slide down under the covers to lay on his back but I pushed him farther back against the pillows he had propped up against the headboard and started to rock my hips against his erection.

"Let me take care of you." I whispered and kissed my way down his chest to his abdomen and smiled slightly when he began to moan softly once he realized what I was going to do.

I moved the covers down past his hips, taking the top edge of his boxers with them just far enough to let his erection spring free of his shorts. I leaned up and kissed him deeply once more before bringing my mouth down on him and taking him in my mouth inch by inch.

"Kat.." He gasped and gripped his hands in my hair tightly which told me I was doing exactly what he needed me to. I kept my teeth sheathed as I moved my head back and forth, something it had only taken one time that this act went badly for us to realize involving teeth in any way when I was doing it sent Peeta's erection running for the hills.

"Shit!" Peeta hissed and tried to keep his voice down as his hips bucked up off of the bed. I smiled around him and pulled back, dropping a quick kiss on the head before kissing my way back up to his lips because I knew he was close to finishing.

"Love you." I whispered and invaded his mouth with my tongue. Peeta moaned into my mouth and slid down under the covers again, hissing when the heavy winter blankets rubbed against his straining hard on. I chuckled and joined him under the blankets, turning onto my side away from him and glancing over my shoulder at him coyly.

"Love you too." Peeta said when he had spooned up behind me and started kissing me over my shoulder. I pushed my backside into his front, grinding myself against him and drawing all of my favorite noises out of him. He pushed the knee of his good leg between my thighs from behind to separated them and slid one hand under my side against the mattress so that he could place it on my abdomen and pulling me back against him more tightly. With his other hand, he reached over my hip and down between my legs to start warming me up.

"Mmmph…Peeta…please…" I moaned as quietly as I could and he rubbed me a few more times before sliding his hand up to massage my breasts through the cups of the bra I was still wearing.

He nodded against my shoulder and angled his hips so that I felt his tip poking at my center from behind. I threw my leg back and over his hip to open myself up to him better and he plunged all the way in fast and hard.

It must have been a very, very bad nightmare.

Neither of us could hold back the matching cries of pleasure that forced their way out of our mouthes when we joined and I turned my head to kiss him over my shoulder again as he began to move fast and furiously.

"Kat…Kat…" he grunted my name with each thrust, grinding his teeth to keep from yelling it. I reached behind me to hold the back of his neck and we abandoned trying to kiss as it was impossible at the pace we were moving. I pushed back against him as his thrusts began to slow slightly but continued to go deeper each time and I knew he was close.

"Go on, it's okay." I whispered knowing there was very little chance I was going to be able to finish knowing my mother was in the room next door and Peeta nodded, snapped his hips into mine two more times and then turned his head into the pillows with a muffled cry as he came.

We both lay there, still joined for almost five minutes as we caught our breath. I moaned softly as Peeta pulled back from my still highly sensitive folds and turned over in his arms to snuggle. "Sure you don't want me to…help?" He asked kissing the top of my head.

I shook my head against his throat. "No, I'm alright, promise. There's seriously no way I'm going to be able to finish with my mom next door." I groaned. "It's bad enough that I'm sure she probably heard at least some of what we just did." I whispered and Peeta pulled back and grinned down at me wickedly.

"I could make you finish." He whispered and I glared at him with what I hoped was just the right amount of I-will-kill-you-and-dump-the-body-where-no-one-wil l-ever-find-it in my eyes.

"Okay, point taken. No joking about sex with your mom in the house." He said raising his hands to show me he had no intention of making good on his threat. I nodded and snuggled back into his arms.

"Could you at least take your bra off?" he whispered and reached over to turn the bedside light off.

I chuckled and reached behind me to pop the clasp. "Could you at least either pull your shorts off all the way or pull them up so you don't look so silly?" I said peeking under the covers and Peeta grinned and reached down to pull his shorts off, leaving them under the covers before he pulled me into his arms and we settled down to sleep.

"You'll wake me and let me know if you need to get up for anything the rest of the night?" He asked quietly and I felt a pang of sadness in my chest that reminded me just how broken my boy with the bread was.

"Of course." I whispered looking up into his face in the darkness.

"Good night Katniss. And…thanks." He murmured and hugged me a little tighter. I nodded against his collar bone and kissed the spot in the middle of his chest where that interesting little patch of hair had started to grow.

"You're welcome Peeta. Night." I whispered back and rested my head over his heart and listened to it's steady beat as I fell asleep.