When the Red X is on the Door

by MADAM BETH

Post Mockingjay. Katniss and Peeta rebuild their relationship while trying to deal with the trauma of having been through the horrors of their lives since being reaped into the Hunger Games. They are there for each other when nightmares creep in the dark, but how does Katniss know when it is not safe for Peeta to be near her because of his hijacking? When the red X is on the door.

28. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

I want to hide the truth

I want to shelter you

But with the beast inside

There's nowhere we can hide

"Demons"-Imagine Dragons

(5 years after the first anniversary visit to the Capitol)

The steady creaking of the porch swing hypnotized me into such a trance that I didn't even realize Peeta was there with me until he touched my cheek to get my attention. I had been sitting on Haymitch's porch for a little over an hour, thinking. I had left Peeta sleeping soundly in bed on one of the 2 days a week he didn't need to be at the bakery early. He'd been training his apprentice, Lane (an 18-year-old boy who'd grown up in 12 before the war and returned after the rebellion), in how to properly open the bakery for several months and had recently begun letting him do so alone on weekends.

I wasn't going to complain because it gave us time to lounge in bed together which was something that just doesn't happen regularly when you share your bed with a man who is up between 4:30 and 5:00 each morning. Not that I was ever really one to sleep in, but I'll admit I usually found my way to the bakery closer to 10 most days back then.

"I figured you hadn't gone far…" Peeta said snapping me out of my daze. "…but a note on the pillow would be nice next time I wake up to find you aren't anywhere in the house." He said dryly and dropped down onto the swing next to me with a lopsided smile. As I turned on the swing to face him though, I could see it in his eyes that he definitely had been a little concerned when he woke up to find me gone from our bed.

"I'm sorry, Peeta…" I said and reached out to hold one of his hands on top of his thigh. I noticed in his rush to find me he'd pulled the white undershirt he was wearing on backwards because I could see the shadow of a tag underneath the fabric between his collar bones and the jeans he'd hastily pulled on were zipped but the top button was left undone.

He shrugged and moved so that he was lying with his head in my lap and his bare feet were propped up on the armrest at the other end of the swing from where I sat. "No big deal." he lied and glanced up at me as I began idly stroking my fingers through hair he'd been wearing shorter than usual that spring.

I had told him several weeks before when he cut it that it made him look older. He took that as a compliment but I really hadn't meant it that way as I was feeling a little sensitive about age that particular week. I never thought I'd be the type of person to care about age, but there was something about turning 25 a few days before his haircut that had me feeling like life was starting to rush by. My mother had told me when I was younger that what had felt like a year as a child would at some point feel like it had passed in a week or a day as I became an adult. Of course being the logical thinker I was, I had brushed her words off as being silly. How could time 'feel' different? Wasn't it a universal invariant? Didn't a second, a minute, an hour or a day pass just the same through each week and year?

It was only as an adult with a home and a business and a man I loved that I began to understand what she meant; it wasn't the time that had changed, it was how you spent it and who you spent it with that made it seem to pass so quickly if you were doing things right.

On my 25th birthday, I had been both pleased and stricken by the realization that Peeta and I must have been doing things right because those first 6 years that we'd been living together had seemed to pass in no time at all.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asked closing his eyes as I continued to stroke his head. "You should have woken me if…" I cut him off, bending down to brush my lips over his.

"No nightmare, I just woke up early and didn't want to bother you on one of the few days you get to sleep in." I said ghosting my lips over his nose which had been reddened by the sun when we'd been planting new spring flowers around the house the day before.

Peeta's eyes remained shut but a slow smile spread on his face as he reached up over his head to wrap one arm high around my waist and let his thumb caress the outer curve of one breast over top of the light nightgown I'd worn to bed. "You could have woken me up…" He whispered and opened one eye to peer up at me playfully. "…we haven't had sex in like…a week and a half. That would have been plenty reason enough to rise and shine on one of my mornings off…" he grinned and I pinched the space between one of his shoulders and his neck. This made Peeta squeal and squirm and me laugh at how ticklish he still was after all those years together.

Unfortunately, our antics on the porch roused the house's intoxicated occupant and Haymitch stumbled out the front door scowling at the two of us on the swing. We were both smiling goofily at him and he rolled his eyes. "Don't you have your own porch to…do that on?" he growled as he fixed his robe around himself and made his way to one of the chairs across from us, dropping into it with a yawn.

"You sleep last night?" Peeta asked Haymitch as he sat up beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. We tended to ignore Haymitch's continued ribbing about our relationship which had only recently started up again around my birthday.

He'd caught us kissing on the back steps of the bakery during the birthday party Peeta had thrown me there. My mother had come from District 4 along with Annie and Zale, who at 5-and-a-half still looked quite a bit like his father but I could see his once auburn hair had begun to darken to something closer to Annie's. Johanna and Jaxson were officially 'official' and living together in a beautiful log cabin in the forest back in District 7.

I had been pleasantly surprised by the party and was using a few minutes alone with Peeta while taking out the trash to thank him when Haymitch stepped out back for some air.

He'd asked us if the honeymoon phase was going to wear off any time soon because we were starting to nauseate him to the point he couldn't tell the difference between being ill from the drink and ill from the sight of the two of us 'constantly pawing at each other' as he put it.

"I'd expect you to be sending the other over to sleep on my couch after disagreements…or…or to hear you screaming and throwing things at each other by now…" he teased and Peeta and I had smiled at him and shook our heads together.

"Not a chance old man." Peeta had said smiling down at me. "I spent way too many years loving this girl from afar to let petty disagreements get in the way of what we have now." I leaned up and kissed Peeta once more lightly in agreement.

Haymitch had rolled his eyes and mumbled that the screaming and throwing things at each other would be a great deal more entertaining for him as he opened the door and shuffled back inside.

"As a matter of fact, I did sleep last night." Haymitch said through another yawn as he stretched his legs out and crossed them at the ankles. When Peeta looked at him dubiously from our place on the swing, he shrugged and straightened his shoulders defensively. "Well…alright, I may have had some help from 2 bottles of liquor, but I slept at night and in my bed so if you don't mind, I'll call that progress." He said with a nod and turned his head to look at mine and Peeta's house.

"So…so what's the deal, you have bugs at your place? A fire? Hmm?" he asked in that way that told us he'd like an explanation as to why we were hanging out on his porch on a Saturday morning.

"You know most people might see it as…flattering to find their friends are comfortable enough to drop in on them without an invitation." I said rather than explain why we were there. I'd already managed to avoid telling Peeta why I had found my way to Haymitch's porch that morning and I figured I might as well give it a shot with Haymitch too.

Haymitch's head snapped back around and he frowned at us. "Really? Because I'd think they'd find it annoying. Much like I do." He said and Peeta and I both just blinked at him. "Well, are you at least going to feed me now that you've interrupted a perfectly good night's sleep?" he asked and stood, heading back inside without a second glance.

Peeta chuckled and cupped my cheek with one hand, turning my head to kiss me good morning properly. "Well, I guess we just got told." He murmured against my lips. "Good morning by the way." He said kissing his way over to my ear. I raised a hand and stroked his cheek back, murmuring a good morning of my own.

"You wanna go heat the stove up for pancakes? I'm going to get some eggs from the chicken coop so…I'll meet you in the kitchen." Yes, that's right, Haymitch not only raised geese but he'd started his own little brood of chickens the year before as well. Peeta had taken to calling him 'the bird man of District 12' which earned him a swing of Haymitch's cane at his head each time he said it around him.

Peeta nodded and kissed me once more and then stood from the swing and started for Haymitch's front door. He pulled open the screen door and I thought I was in the clear but he turned and looked at me where I still sat on the swing. "Sure you're okay?" He asked with a smile but I could see the concern in his eyes.

I gave him my brightest smile and pushed my bangs out of my face when the wind swept them over my eyes. I appreciated the temporary veil created by them because it gave me an extra second to maintain my composure. "Uh huh, I'm fine, just a little groggy from waking up so early. I'm fine, really." I assured him and Peeta's smile widened and he nodded before heading inside to start breakfast for the three of us.

When I could hear he and Haymitch talking in the kitchen I allowed the smile to fall from my face and I stood from the swing, moving to sit on the bottom step of the porch where they wouldn't be able to see me if they looked out the window. "Sure…" I whispered to myself as I looked down at the grass beside my feet and reached for one of the dandelions that were covering all of our lawns in that first week of June.

"Everything's fine, Peeta…" I whispered and plucked the small yellow weed from the ground at the bottom of its stem and brought it close to my face where I began to spin it nervously between my thumb and forefinger.

"Except that I missed the shot I was supposed to get the week before my birthday and I might be pregnant." I forced out in one breath as a few tears fell past the dandelion and landed in the grass beneath me. I stopped twirling the flower and turned it so that the stem was fisted in my hand and used my thumb to pop the flower off. I watched it drop to the grass with its happy yellow face staring up mockingly at me and a few more tears landed around it.

I took a deep breath and dabbed my eyes with a corner of my nightgown, forcing myself to straighten up before I went into the house. "Argggh! Stupid!" I growled at myself and blinked rapidly as I stomped off towards the chicken coop to get the eggs. I figured I had about 5 more minutes before one or both of my 'keepers' came looking for me so I had to pull it together pretty damn fast if I wanted to keep them in the dark. Besides, it wasn't worth getting either of them all worked up when even I wasn't sure if I really was pregnant or not.

(Several weeks earlier)

I was always so careful about getting my shot on time. In the first few years, Effie had called to remind me to go to the clinic every 2 months and I appreciated it. The bakery was insanely busy, I was still hunting pretty regularly, and let's face it, taking care of Haymitch was equivalent to having a full time job. I probably wouldn't have remembered when I was supposed to get the shot without those calls from Effie, but somewhere around the middle of the 4th year I'd been getting them, I started remembering to go on my own and Effie would call a day or two after I'd already stopped by the clinic and gotten it.

After spending a good 5 minutes praising me for my punctuality, Effie said she was confident enough in me that she would only call every 4 to 6 months to check if I was keeping up with them. I greatly appreciated that she trusted me enough to cut her calls down from a mix of business and social to just social (especially since social calls from Effie could last hours).

I had no problem remembering to get the shot from then on and it just became another part of the routine Peeta and I had fallen comfortably into. The routine had even helped to cut down on the frequency and intensity of his episodes which went a long way to making both of us very, very happy. I went two and a half more years remembering to get the shot every 2 months until getting the shot coincided with the minor aging crisis I had around my birthday at the beginning of May.

How things usually went was that I would get the shot, menstruate exactly 3 weeks later, and then not again until 2 weeks after the next shot. Of course, Peeta was particularly fond of the part where I was only 'out of commission' for 6 weeks out of the whole year and I was happy to be actively preventing the one thing I knew without a doubt I wouldn't be able to handle.

I always received the shot on the 5th of the month starting in January and then started my cylcle the 26th. It just so happened that in May, when my birthday fell in the second week, I was due for my third shot of the year. I mentioned before that I was in a pretty bad place emotionally the week before my birthday and it had honestly just slipped my mind.

We'd had a particularly busy week at the bakery as one of the ovens had broken and we were waiting for parts to be delivered so that it could be fixed. That meant working loads of overtime and Peeta had been sleeping in the room over the bakery for almost the whole week. Haymitch had even called to tell us that Buttercup was quite put out by our extended absences during the day and he seriously thought the cat might be considering moving in with him. I had told him good riddance.

One night, just a few days before my surprise party, Peeta and I had worked through the evening to finish a cake for a birthday party that needed to be delivered the next day.

We'd sent Lane away around 10 when Peeta noticed he'd fallen asleep face down on the back of the display case out front. I was doing some book keeping at the desk in the back room when Peeta came in from sending Lane home. He was chuckling to himself as he picked up a piping bag to complete the last bit of writing on the cake we'd finally finished.

"He's a good kid." I said looking up from the ledger I was writing in to watch Peeta work.

He smiled to himself and nodded slowly as he worked. "He is. Won't be long before he's ready to open up a bakery of his own someday." Peeta said in the tone he always used when he was trying to multitask. I watched him work, smiling at the way his tongue poked out one side of his mouth when he was focusing really hard.

"Well, not too soon, you know we can't run this place with just the two of us yet." I said moving over to stand beside him at the decorating table. "Besides, Lane's still just a kid." I shrugged and scooped some icing out of the bowl Peeta had filled the piping bag from and licked it off of my finger.

Peeta laughed after he'd crossed the last t and then set the bag down and folded his arms across his chest over the apron he was wearing. "He's 'still just a kid'?" He chuckled and shook his head as he moved over to lean against the counter next to me.

"What? He is!" I argued and Peeta took some frosting on his own finger and dabbed it on my nose.

"We're like…a minute older than him, Kat…" He teased and then narrowed his eyes at me looking me over critically. "Well, I'm like a minute older than him, you're the one whose going to be 25 this coming week…old lady…" he mumbled leaning in like he was going to kiss me.

I gasped at him calling me an old lady and then picked up the spoon from the frosting and smeared it across his face with a big grin. "I cannot believe you just called me old, Peeta Mellark! Besides, your birthday isn't too far off either!" I screeched and ran around the other side of the table as Peeta grabbed the spoon where I'd dropped it on the counter and readied himself to chase me.

"Hey, this leg might be fake…" Peeta warned when I glanced at the door trying to gauge whther I could make a run for it. "…but I will catch you, Katniss." He said trying to sound menacing and I bit my bottom lip, still glancing between Peeta and the door before deciding to just go for it.

I darted for the door, laughing all the way until I screamed when Peeta's strong arms came up around me and I turned in his arms to face him. We both laughed at the bits of frosting still clinging to each other's faces and reached out with gentle hands to wipe them away.

It only took a few seconds before we realized how close we were to each other. How Peeta's hot pants for air were caressing my cheek as he tried to catch his breath from chasing me. How we were holding each other so close that there was almost no space between us.

Peeta was the first to smile, gazing down into my eyes with a look that never failed to make me weak in the knees.

"I…I n-need to put this cake away…" he whispered still staring intently down at me as he lowered his hands to rest on my backside and I flattened my hands on his back. "Meet you upstairs?" he asked biting his bottom lip and I nodded slowly and pushed my hips ever so gently into his as a promise of what was to come.

"Don't be too long?" I asked stepping back and Peeta nodded vehemently and reached for the apron strap around his neck. I stopped him with a hand on his forearm and Peeta looked puzzled. "Maybe…leave the apron on…" I said trying for a casual shrug and Peeta blushed slightly and grinned a mile wide.

"Yes, ma'am." He growled leaning in to kiss me deeply. I wasn't sure how long we kissed for but when we pulled back, Peeta wasn't the only one breathing heavily anymore.

"Seriously, hurry up." I chuckled and turned, sashaying to the steps to the second floor and making sure to sway my hips as I climbed them to our small bedroom above the bakery.

As I rounded the corner to the bedroom door I heard Peeta suddenly jump into action and rolled my eyes. "Don't you drop that cake!" I called as I leaned back around the corner that led to the steps and heard Peeta chuckling from the other side of the room where the walk in fridge was.

I shook my head as I went into the bedroom and flipped on the small lamp on my bedside table as I walked around the room picking up after Peeta. It'd been quite a while since I had stayed the night in the little apartment over the bakery and as I picked up dirty clothes, socks, shoes and various baking and art supplies, it became evident that I needed to make sure I at least stuck my head into that room once a week to make sure it wasn't a disaster.

"Ooops, sorry." Peeta mumbled suddenly from the doorway as he slipped into the room. I cut my eyes at him as I held a sneaker up by the laces for him to see. Peeta shrugged sheepishly. "I wasn't expecting to have to stay here and it's been like…months since you stayed here with me…obviously." He said looking around at the disorder of the room.

"So what is this, like your bachelor pad?" I asked and Peeta smirked at me as he kicked off his shoes by the door and pushed it shut behind him.

"I am a bachelor." He said simply and I groaned when I realized I had walked right into that one. Yes, I was still doing a pretty good job at the time of avoiding any talk of marriage.

True to his word, Peeta continued to bring it up every so often but hadn't asked me directly to marry him since that first year at the harvest festival on the front step of the bakery. Considering how that had gone, with Peeta having an episode after I'd turned down his proposal, I think he was more than a little afraid of something similar happening again if he tried.

"Smartass…" I pouted when we met at the foot of the bed and Peeta wrapped his arms around me with a self-satisfied smile. I pretended to pull back from his kiss when he leaned in but then raised myself up on my toes a little to press my lips to his. I reached down between us and lifted the front of his apron to start unzipping his pants and Peeta moaned softly into my mouth and pushed his hips against mine playfully.

"Mmmm…right down to business huh?" Peeta murmured against my lips and I laughed huskily before pushing his pants to the floor. I took Peeta's hands as I stood and tugged him forward to step out of them and he reached for the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head.

"You complaining?" I asked nipping at his neck as I helped him get his arms out of the sleeves of the white t-shirt he was wearing under the apron and gently lifted it over his head as I tried to make sure the apron strap stayed in place around his neck. When I worked the shirt free I tossed it in the pile we'd started with Peeta's pants and my top and I stepped forward and laid my hands flat on his back against his bare skin.

In just those 6 years since we'd returned to District 12 I'd watched Peeta change from a teenaged boy into a man. He'd always been a bit stocky even if he was quite strong as a teen from working in the bakery, but in the years after the rebellion he'd developed a pretty steady routine of working out as a means of staying healthy. At first it'd just been regaining the muscle tone he lost after months being held by the Capitol but around the time he turned 22, I began to notice subtle changes not only when he was naked, but also just in his general build and the way he carried himself. His jaw squared off more and was almost constantly peppered with a five o'clock shadow. His shoulders became more rounded and his legs thickened out.

Of course in this time my body had also changed considerably from that of a starved teenage girl with narrow hips and a straight waist to having filled out in what seemed in Peeta's eyes to be all the right places. My waist developed more of a curve, my breasts filled bra cups that they'd once been swimming in, and with more regular exercise myself, my arms and legs became strong and toned again like they'd been in my early hunting days. The little bit of roundness my face had somehow held during teenage years melted away to reveal high cheekbones and a long, slender neck that Peeta loved to pepper with kisses when we cuddled in bed at night.

As we stood at the end of the bed in our room above the bakery that night and I asked Peeta if he was complaining about the pace of the night's seduction, he nibbled his way gently down that newly slender neck of mine and across a shoulder shaking his head.

"No way," He said smiling against the point of my shoulder before slowly kissing his way back to my neck. "Especially since we're most likely going to knock this one out and pass out cold after the day we've had." He chuckled and I placed my hands on his chest, pushing him back and looking up into his face with raised eyebrows.

"What?"

"We're going to 'knock this one out'?" I asked with a face like I'd smelled something bad. Peeta just smiled sheepishly down at me and shrugged his shoulders. "Wow, that was really romantic, Peet." I said rolling my eyes but smiled and moved my hands to thread through the hair on the back of his head as he leaned in to kiss me again.

"I do try." He chuckled against my lips and slipped his tongue between them with a soft sigh. "I love you, Katniss." He whispered before taking my bottom lip lightly between his teeth. "You're so beautiful…" he grunted and pressed his hips forward into mine gently so that I could feel through his boxers and the apron just how ready he was to 'knock this one out'. I suddenly forgot to care about the somewhat crude way he'd just described what we were about to do and slid my arms back up around his body and tugged him closer so that we were chest to chest.

Besides, whenever Peeta whispered 'I love you' or told me I was beautiful, or shook with anticipation before we made love, I knew in my heart of hearts that to him, being with me would never ever be just 'knocking one out'.

"I love you too, Peeta." I gasped and reached behind him at the small of his back to slip my fingers past the thin string that held the apron tight around his hips. I slid them into the elastic band of the boxer shorts he was wearing and gripped his ass with both hands. It was my turn to push my hips into his and Peeta took my cue, deepening our kisses as he reached down and unbuttoned my pants between us, pushing them and my underwear to the ground. I kicked off the flats I had been wearing at the bakery that day and stepped out of my clothes and stretching the whole length of my body against Peeta's.

"Shorts." He grunted and I could tell by the way he was squirming and the way his hands were wandering all over my back and sides that he was becoming more aroused by the second. I smiled playfully and kissed my way down his neck and chest as I crouched to slide his shorts down his legs to the floor. I glanced up at the dangling edge of the apron in front of my face and hugged myself inside for the deliciously wicked idea that came to me. I reached up to hold onto his hips, seeming like I was using him as leverage to stand, but really what I was doing was holding him still so that I could brush my nose against the length of his erection I could see outlined beneath the apron as I stood.

Peeta hissed through his teeth and grabbed me under my arms, lifting me effortlessly into his as he stumbled out of his shorts towards the bed and fell forward with me under him onto the mattress.

"Oooof!" I said with a laugh and propped myself up on my elbows as Peeta knelt around my hips and reached behind me to unhook my bra as we began kissing again.

"Sorry…" Peeta chuckled and sat back on his heels to let me get a good look at him in just the apron as I tossed my bra over the side of the bed. When I turned my head back to look at him I couldn't help laughing slightly at the way his erection tented the canvas apron out from his body. "What? You don't think I look hot like this?" He asked slipping off of the bed and putting his hands on his hips to model the naked apron wearing look for me.

I bit my lip hard, trying not to laugh which worked…until I snorted. Peeta's eyes widened and he folded his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow at me. "Katniss…" he said menacingly but the grin on his face tempered the threat in his voice. "Did you just…snort at me?" He asked and I couldn't help it; looking at him standing there in nothing but an apron trying to look mad….I snorted again.

"Well now you're just being rude." He growled and turned completely around to face the door, leaving me staring at his bare ass which made me burst out laughing. When Peeta turned his head and smiled over his shoulder at me, I knew that was exactly why he'd done it and I thanked my lucky stars that 6 years in, Peeta and I could still have just as much fun together in bed as the first year.

"Maybe next time…I should wear the apron…" I gasped and wiped the tears out of my eyes as I sat up and climbed to my knees on the bed. I beckoned Peeta back to the bed and he twisted his lips in a wry smile as he turned and sauntered back over to me with his arms still folded defiantly over his chest.

I watched his eyes as he looked me over, trying to imagine me in nothing but the apron. "Yeah…that actually sounds like something I might thoroughly enjoy…" he growled and I reached up to hold onto either side of the apron strap that went around his neck. "…and I'm also very sad that I didn't think of the naked apron idea years ago." He teased as I pulled his mouth down to mine by the straps and we sank to the bed together.

"Damnit!" I didn't realize how forcefully I was placing eggs into the basket hanging on my arm until one of them cracked and the sticky insides dripped through the basket and onto the floor of the coop.

Several chickens startled and clucked at my outburst, flapping away to the safety of the other side of the coop and regarding me as if I were some sort of lunatic. I glared at the fidgety birds as I wiped the yolk dripping from my fingers onto my nightgown.

"Don't look at me like that," I said defensively and held one of the eggs out to them. "You have it easy." I growled as I went back to plucking eggs from the various nests around me. "Lay an egg, sit on it for a little while, it's way more difficult for us mammals." I argued and they all just continued to look at me doubtfully as I wiped a few tears away before they could leave my eyes.

One of the hens flapped angrily and ran at me trying to get a peck in, but I sidestepped her easily and strode back out the door. "Missed." I called over my shoulder and headed back towards Haymitch's house. Quickly realizing that I was in no shape to see either Haymitch or Peeta right then, I made a quick detour back to my house to change clothes. Haymitch hated when I traipsed around in my pajamas in front of him anyway so I figured it would give me a reasonable excuse to head home for a few minutes while I calmed down about the life changing condition I was potentially in.

I went straight to our bedroom and changed into a pair of shorts and a baggy t-shirt. Even if I did turn out to be pregnant, I assumed it would be impossible to tell just by looking at me only a few weeks along. At the time though, I felt that it was as clear as if it had been written on my forehead even though I hadn't even been to the doctor to confirm if I was pregnant or not. I only knew that I'd missed my shot and hadn't started my cycle when I was supposed to. With the baggy shirt making me feel a little bit better, I slipped on a pair of flip flops and grabbed the basket of eggs on my way back to Haymitch's.

I worked really hard to keep my face neutral as I walked into the kitchen, but as usual, Peeta could tell right away that something was up.

"Oh, hey, there you are." He said with an easy smile that belied what I knew was going on in his head behind it. "Went home to change?" he asked leaning over to peck me on the lips as I moved to stand at the counter beside him.

"Mhm." I smiled and glanced over at Haymitch. "I know how much it bothers you when any of my lady parts are showing." I smirked and Peeta shook his head as he grabbed a few eggs from the basket and easily cracked them into the bowl of pancake mix he was stirring. Haymitch grimaced and pretended that a chill had run through him as he poured something from his flask into a mug of coffee.

"Want me to fry you some eggs? I made bacon too." Peeta said holding up a plateful and leaning into me slightly. "Hurry before Haymitch gets at it, you know he can eat an entire skillet of bacon in one sitting." He whispered and I smiled softly and reached up to stroke his cheek with the back of my hand.

"You take such good care of me." I said with a soft sigh and reached up to kiss him. Peeta returned the kiss, still holding the plate of bacon out to his side toward the table. When he pulled back slightly, he stared into my eyes with one of those soul searching looks he is famous for and narrowed his eyes at me.

"You alright?" He asked reaching up to stroke a tendril of hair hanging loose from my braid.

At that point I knew that there was no reason to lie to him since he'd already picked up that I had something on my mind and so I just gave him as reassuring a smile as I could manage and cast my eyes at Haymitch.

"When we get home." I whispered and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth as I took the plate of bacon. I could feel Peeta's eyes on me as I took the plate over to the table and made sure to stop and give Haymitch a big, loud kiss on his cheek just to annoy him before I sat down.

I felt Peeta's eyes on me all through breakfast as we talked with Haymitch about making some changes to the yard so that it had a higher, sturdier fence for keeping predators out. Now that he had the chickens and the geese to keep track of, it seemed like a good idea. More than once I could see Peeta trying to catch my eye over the table but I kept my attention on Haymitch and his ideas for the yard.

I wasn't trying to make him upset or uncomfortable, I just had no idea how to wrap my brain around the possibility of having a child. It only made it that much more difficult when taking into account that I was the only one to blame if I was pregnant because I had missed my shot.

When we were finished eating, Peeta asked Haymitch if he would be okay cleaning up on his own. Haymitch glanced between the two of us a few times, realizing by Peeta's tone that something was up and he wanted to get me alone as soon as possible.

"Sure thing." He said with a shrug. "You cooked, I can clean up." He said and pointed at the door where Buttercup had sneaked in as soon as the promising smell of bacon reached his nose next door. "Take that cat with you though." He said and Peeta nodded and stood from the table.

"Ready to go?" he asked with an edge of nervousness that rattled my own nerves too. I nodded and grabbed a piece of bacon as I started for the door.

"Come on, Buttercup." I said ripping off a small piece of bacon and dropping it to the floor in front of him. The cat mewled and jumped on the bacon as if it was some sort of prey he'd been hunting so I opened the door and started ripping more pieces off and dropping them like a trail of breadcrumbs as I made my way back to my and Peeta's house.

Peeta followed us a few seconds behind and I was sure he had stopped to promise Haymitch he'd let him know what was going on if it was something he needed to know.

I went inside and curled up on the couch, uncharacteristically allowing Buttercup to hop up into my lap which he was obviously only consenting to because I'd shared bacon with him. I was stroking a hand back and forth over his spine as his tail twitched happily back and forth under my chin when I heard Peeta enter the living room behind me.

"Well, whatever it is it must be bad since you're going to Mr. Mangy for backup." He said using the nickname we had given the cat a few years before. I still wasn't sure if we were using it as an insult or an endearment but he didn't seem bothered by it so we had continued to use it.

I smiled sadly as he came around to sit on the edge of the recliner and I couldn't help noticing that he was literally on the edge of his seat.

"So…you wanna tell me what's going on? I've known you for too long not to be able to see it in your face when you're stressing out about something so let's have it, what'd I do?" He asked with a nervous laugh and bounced his legs on the balls of his feet.

I sighed and petted Buttercup's fur harder, searching for the right way to drop this potentially huge news on him. "It wasn't you, it's something I did…well…I guess something you and I did." I mumbled and cast a look his way briefly before going back to petting the cat.

"Katniss…" he whispered in such a pleading tone that I finally looked at him. His eyes were begging me to end his suffering and just tell him what was wrong.

I took a deep breath and shrugged my shoulders. "The week before my birthday? When I was sulking around here about getting old…or…or whatever my problem was…I missed my shot." I rushed out and cut my eyes away from his for a second before looking back into his face. "So the last month we've had sex what…6 or 7 times and they've all been without any birth control." I said and Peeta got that frozen deer look he and I both had when Effie had walked in on us in the hot tub during our first visit back to the Capitol after the war.

"And I was supposed to…start my cycle about a week and a half ago." I explained hoping he would get what I was trying to to tell him. Peeta was quiet for a long few moments and just when I was beginning to wonder if he was actually even breathing, he lifted one hand to his head and raked his fingers through his short hair just like he'd done when it was shaggy. It was a nervous tick, and it was one that told me he was pretty sure what I was trying to say.

"H-have you been to the doctor?" He asked and I shook my head. By the look on his face I could tell that he knew I was afraid of what they were going to say. That I was afraid they were going to tell me I was pregnant.

Not happy. Afraid.

"No…I-I haven't." I admitted quietly. "I've really only thought that maybe I was…it's really only been a few days since I realized I hadn't started my period." I said and Peeta nodded and puffed out his cheeks as he sat back in the recliner.

I watched him wipe his hands on his pant legs subtly so I knew he must have been sweating bullets but I wasn't sure what was motivating that sweat. I knew Peeta wanted children and he knew that I didn't, so I was pretty sure that was where a lot of his stress was coming from. He let out the breath he was holding in and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and looked at me.

"So…what do you wanna do?" he asked quietly and I looked back down at Buttercup who, sensing the tension in the room, was looking back and forth between our faces as if he were watching a tennis match.

"I dunno." I said with a shrug and tried to smile. "Hey, I mean, no big deal. I don't even know for sure if I am…so, I guess I'll make a doctor's appointment and find out for sure before I start freaking out." I said with a little laugh and Peeta's gaze eyes snapped to mine.

"I-is that what you're going to do? Freak out?" He asked, his voice rising a bit once he had an idea of where I stood if I, in fact was…

"If you're pregnant?" He asked ending my train of thought. I hated the hurt I could see in his eyes. "You can say that word you know, Katniss…it's just a word." He growled and stood from the chair suddenly which made Buttercup dart from my lap and scurry up the stairs.

"I know that, Peeta." I said feeling myself getting annoyed by his anger as I straightened myself on the couch and folded my arms over my chest. "I'm just…I wasn't prepared for something like this happening! And I'm fucking pissed at myself for missing that damn shot!" I said standing from the couch and waving a hand in the air in exasperation. "I'm the one who doesn't want a baby and if I am pregnant…" I said purposefully leaning on the word to show him that I could say it (even if it did kill me to do so). "…the best part of this whole damn thing will be that it was my stupid fault!" I hollered and tried my best to keep the tears threatening to fall from my eyes at bay.

Peeta stopped pacing when he heard my voice catch in my throat and his face softened immediately when he saw my tears. "Ah, Kat…shit…" he muttered under his breath and winced as he walked towards me opening his arms. I looked up as he approached me and took a step back from him shaking my head.

"N-no…I'm sorry, Peeta I just…I need to be alone for a little…" I said and then instantly regretted my words when I saw his face. "I just…that's why I went to Haymitch's this morning to sit on the porch…I…I needed to get out of here for a little and think things through." I said reaching out to at least touch his arm gently so that he would know I wasn't mad at him.

Needless to say, I was surprised when Peeta pulled his arm back from my touch and let out a frustrated growl through his teeth like he only did during the worst of disagreements between us. "Yeah? Well maybe I need some space to think things through too." He huffed and threw a quick glance at my stomach that was so sad I had to look away. "I'm going upstairs, are you staying here?" He asked already starting for the bottom of the steps. I knew he was going to his art studio to paint as he often did when he was stressed about something.

I shook my head slowly and looked at the front door. "No…no I think I'm going to go into the woods for a little." I said quietly. Peeta was on the first step when he turned and looked at me for a long moment. "You're coming back…real or not real?" he asked and I knew he just needed the reassurance so that he wouldn't start having dark thoughts about me running off without him and possibly set off an episode.

"Real, Peeta." I said holding his gaze steadily. He must have trusted what he saw in my eyes because Peeta nodded once and then turned and continued up the stairs.

I hated leaving things that way but I really needed to get out of the house and into the calming familiarity of my woods. I waited until I heard the door to Peeta's art room open and close before I grabbed my bow and slipped out the door into the morning sun.

(sorry! I suck at Author's notes but I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed and hung in with this story! I just want to also make sure that everyone reading understands that I am keeping as much in cannon as possilbe. Obviously, Suzanne Collions left the door wide open for us to fill in the blanks of Peeta and Katniss' life together betwen those few pages of the epilogue. So if you have read all three books and have paid attention to how old Peeta and Katniss' children are in this story, then you can guess whether Katiss os pregnant or not)