Chapter Nine
Don't worry, I wont let them touch it.
It was night, the trees standing in her way as she ran as fast as her legs could carry her. The forest was burning. Bright red walls surrounding her, chasing her. The roaring of the flames was almost too much too bear. Still the air felt like ice tearing apart her lungs as she gasped for it.
"Why did you do it Commander? Why did you leave me to die?"
His voice tore through everything. She stopped and turned. Kaidan was staring her in the eye. Half his face blown off, the other perfectly fine.
"You could have saved me! Saved us all!"
"Shut up Kaidan. I made a choice, deal with it." Shepard screamed, pointing at him then waving him off.
"Is it because I tried to love you?"
"Oh for crying out." She turned again trying to find her way out of this mayhem of fire and smoke. Her eyes tearing up from the sting, vision blurring.
"Was just a great way to get rid of your problem?"
"It was you or Ash along with the salarians. You do the math soldier."
"That's all we are to you? Numbers?"
"The cold hard truth Lieutenant." Tripping on a log she fell to the ground and tried to hinder the fall with her hands. The ground was hot, burning her palms. Gasping at the sudden pain she pulled her hands back to herself. Seeing how the blisters appeared one by one on her skin.
"What do you think it feels like, being blown away by a nuke? You fret about blisters? I'll show you! I'll burn you to death!"
From nowhere the fire leaped around her. It felt like hounds biting her as the flames took hold of her arms and legs. Her jaw clenched so hard not to scream it felt like her teeth was about to break.
"Commander Shepard."
Traynors voice cut through everything and Shepard sat up straight in the bed. Droplets of sweat running down her face, her back was already wet. Looking around she saw Garrus opening his eyes and getting up on one arm as she wiped her forehead.
"Commander, are you up?"
"Yes Traynor, what is it?" She answered, slightly heavy on the breathing.
"Admiral Hackett is on the Com."
"Alright, I'll take it up here, just give me a minute or two." She got up and headed for the bathroom.
"You seem collected enough, does this happen a lot?"
"Not Hackett calling, but Traynor usually wakes me up for one reason or the other." A few moments passed and she got out in an N7 hoodie, not wearing any pants. Also her hair was gathered in her back, giving her face sharper features than usual. Garrus shoot her a look. "What? It's not like the camera shows the entire body." She got up to the console by her desk. "Now shut up." Her fingers worked the keyboard and the computer projected Hacketts image in front of her collection of model ships. "Admiral." She saluted.
"Commander we've gotten reports that Cerberus has a base set up with reaper tech. I want you to go get it."
"A Cerberus base? Shouldn't an N7 team be enough to retrieve the objects?"
"Normally this would be considered a standard procedure for and N7 team yes, but due to the nature of the tech I want you to get It personally."
"We're heading towards the war summit, Sir. How far off is this base?"
"Not far, you can get it and get back within two hours."
"Alright. I'll tell the Primarch we'll be delayed and I'll get right on it."
"Good. Contact me when you get back. That is all. Hackett out."
And the image disappeared leaving her staring through the glass.
"Need help with that?"
Her eyes shifted over to him. It was surprising how much she enjoyed just watching him laying in her bed. It brought back memories from this cabin. Six months old memories...
On the Normandy, Captains Cabin, shortly after the mission given by Hackett, later nicknamed "The Arrival"
After Admiral Hacketts surprisingly personal debriefing she already knew there was only one thing to do. The only thing she could do.
Turning the Normandy back into Alliance control.
The Collectors had already been defeated. Now it was just a question of how long she could stall it. How long until the galaxy knew all too well what just had happened, why and who was responsible.
No matter how much she had defended her co-operation with Cerberus, she did love the alliance. But it came with restrictions. A lot of restrictions. And this whole "run everything just the way you want it" thing was extremely satisfactory. The best of all? Miranda wrote most of the tedious reports. Creepiest and weirdest of all? Reporting back to someone who trusted your judgement and accepted your decisions. Quite the difference from the council picking apart her every word and distrusting the rest.
Joining up with Cerberus hadn't been easy on her conscience, but it had been the natural decision. The reapers still haunted her dreams, the council still denied their existence. So the only way to make a real difference was to join the bad guys.
The doors to her cabin opened and a certain turian stepped in. She gave a very discreet smirk. Better not make him all too full of himself just yet.
"Well, you look like hell."
"You're not so damn pretty yourself you know." She crossed her arms. Sure enough there was still bandage on her arm, a few bruises and her lip was still cut. He chuckled and crossed the floor.
"So, what did you call me up for?"
He didn't take the seat right next to her. The corner of the couch was between them.
"I wanted to tell you something."
He hauled up his foot over the knee and leaned back.
"Does it have anything to do with the bandage?" He nodded towards her arm. "Rumours has it you went into Chakwas a little more roughed up than usual, and had a personal visit from an alliance Admiral."
"Rumour?" She tilted her head.
"Well, you pick up on a few thi-"
"Kasumi?"
"Well... Yes."
"Figures." She shook her head with a silent sigh. "Jealous I didn't bring you along huh?"
"I feel left out very easily."
"Don't worry, it was a stealth mission. You'd just be a target."
"Now wait a-"
"A very big target. With shiny armour and lights. Practically scream 'Hey shoot me!'"
Figuring she might be driving this reason on because, well, she couldn't really talk about the mission, he dropped it.
"Alright, what is it you wanted to tell?"
She fell silent. Averting her eyes to the empty table for a moment to collect her thoughts. Taking a mental inhale she didn't move as she spoke.
"I'm turning myself over together with the Normandy to the Alliance."
He waited for her to turn her head and look at him again.
"Why?"
"Why?" She was surprised by the question. "They called!" She rose and walked around the table and stood in front of him. "I answered and now I can't hang up on them. I've been with the alliance all my life, one way or the other. Since day one on this Normandy I always expected to return one day. We've defeated the collectors. The Illusive man has no more leads or clues to the reapers and.." She stopped, took a step back, making herself a silhouette against the aquarium. "Sorry." She shook her head with a sigh. "It's not up for debate. In a few days we'll dock on Omega. One last shore leave. I'll see to it that Jack disappears. Probably Kasumi aswell... given her.. history."
"And you?"
"Back to earth I guess. I'll probably be grounded. Joker's going to kill me." A vague smile appeared on her lips.
Her scars had never quite healed. In fact at times they seemed worse. At one point he could remember seeing the red light of the implants in her eyes. Even now the semi-circle scars on her cheek glowed red. Hell, she probably needed a vacation from bearing the fate of the galaxy on her shoulders if those scars were ever to heal.
"I'm a turian, Shepard. I probably understand the need to answer the call of the military better than anyone else on this ship. You don't have to excuse yourself to me."
Just like that. The tension in her shoulders dropped and she walked back to the couch, crawling into the corner, closer to him.
"You'll go back to Palaven?"
"Probably, yes. I haven't seen my family for a while now. My sister is close to beating me up soon if I don't pay a visit."
"I remember you saying Virmire reminded you of home. Wish I could come with you."
"You don't miss earth?"
"Not really." She shrugged. "I was born on a prototype Cruiser. Spent my life on various ships. My longest continuous visit to earth was about two weeks I think. Altogether I don't think I've spent an entire year there."
"Wait, back up." He raised a hand. "You were born on a Cruiser?"
"Yeah, you know my mom is alliance. Being pregnant didn't stop her from working. She was there to help organize the shooting range, shipment of weapons and such. Went into labour. Luckily the med-bay was set up and stocked. Besides how did you think they'd get away with naming me Kitten? When the authorities caught on to it my file was already registered and accepted. Besides, you don't argue with an admiral in charge of a cruiser who happened to take a liking to the kid."
Garrus shook his head.
"Why did they name you 'Kitten' anyway?"
"Oh you'll have to do a lot more than being cute to earn the right to that story."
"Oh really? Such as?"
"I'm not gonna tell you, what's the fun in that? Now.." To pulled herself up, pushed his leg from the knee and proceeded to straddle him. Laying her arms on his shoulders, joining her fingers at the back of his neck and smiled cunningly. "I'm sure you reeeaally regret wearing armour, freak."
"Yeah, I might agree on that point." He answered with a slightly strained voice. He placed his left hand on her waist and stroked her back with the other.
"Tell me Mr Vakarian... Did I go right?"
Kitten smiled nudging her forehead against his. Implicating that little conversation they've had a few days before. "I want something to go right. Just once. Just..."
"Well, can't say I'm disappointed. Only-"
"Really?" She cut him off. Voice dropping a couple of levels. "I really think we can do better. But I guess it'll need practice. And we don't have much time."
Her hair fell out of its place as she tilted her head, but his hand where there sooner than she'd noticed to put it pack.
"Please keep the hair."
"Don't worry, I wont let them touch it." She answered with a soft smile.
"Though I doubt they'll let you keep the purple armour. Too bad. You looked so... stylish on the battlefield with it."
She gave a laugh with a shake of her head.
"As long as the batarians are after my blood I doubt they'll let me out on any kind of field work."
"Batarians?" He asked, suddenly with sharper eyes and graver voice. His hands held her firmer.
"I'm going to get to learn how to shut up all over again, aren't I?" Classified information, she'd almost forgotten the term.
"What the hell happened?"
"Well, what does it matter if you get to know a week before the rest of the galaxy." She sighed at herself and looked down. "Admiral Hackett called me up, asking for a personal favour." Raising her eyes to his she told him everything. From beginning to the end. From the call right down to the conversation to Harbinger. The destruction of and entire star system.
"It was close Garrus. Too close. Even had a nice chat with Harbinger. 'Like dust struggling against cosmic winds' he called our fight. For machines they certainly have a way with words."
He'd been silent through the whole story. She hadn't moved, and now he continued to just watch her, silently. Normally Shepard had no problem taking a silent treatment. People had tried to stare her out countless times, she made a point in always winning. Never looking away. Her cold blue eyes had a way of getting people to either back down or trying to beat the crap out of her. But this? This was murder.
"For spirits sake, say something!"
Had they been among others, he would have said something else.
Had it been a week ago, he would have acted differently.
Now he closed his arms around her, pulling her into his embrace.
"Thank you." He whispered to her ear, a low voice full of meaning.
Surprised she wondered what he was playing at. But he just held her, firmly. So for once she relaxed and let herself be held before creating a little distance between them.
"Just figuring at least someone should show you a little appreciation."
The emotions this situation tore up up was next to overwhelming. She was one breath away from asking him to stop her. Throw Cerberus off the ship. Go rouge, be renegades. Enjoy every shred and sliver of joy and happiness they possibly could before the reapers came. And let the damn council handle them. Gods and spirits they've earned it. But before it came to that she remembered the Shadow brokers words in the file he had on Garrus, black on white: 'Leadership potential overshadowed by Shepard. Unlikely to fully develop under Shepard's command.' She was a damn hindrance to him. A roadblock. Wasn't that a knife in the heart if there ever was any? All this passed through her in a split second.
In the end all she gave him was a warm smile, eyes as soft as they ever could get.
"I'll show you appreciation." With that she kissed him.
One thought passed through her mind as she felt his hands up her back.
'Gods, I'm going to miss him, aren't I?'
Back on the Normandy, Captains Cabin, present time.
"No." She answered his question, watching the disappointment in his eyes. Somehow she'd gotten him back, somehow a man had decided to stand by her. Today wasn't a day to risk his life.
"Oh come on, if you don't take me out on a date I'm going to tear down the walls off this place."
"I think it's time to show Edi and Vega how a real N7 mission is carried out." Shepard stretched her arms out with a cunning smile. Today she was in an utterly playful mood.
Authors Notes: So, haven't written much on this lately. I had a sudden urge to write down a dragon age fiction I've thought about for a year, decided never to write down, but still did. Then I got struck by a hideous writers block that seems to have lighten its hold on me. (When I can't write I can turn out to be a very hideous person, so have compassion with all the people in stores that's been standing in my way and thus being pushed to the side a little harder than needed)
I've also devoted alot of time to the Uncharted trilogy, trying to get me those trophies, Done soon! :)
On this chapter: I usually check out exactly which mission is next so I get it right, but I couldn't be bothered so I chose the N7 mission I remembered best. From here I'm not sure if I'm going to jump to the war meeting thingy (yay wrex!) or what's going to happen. I should finish Uncharted soon, problem is there's vacation time coming up for me. And I have a shitload planned...
So no idea when the next update comes, but those who care I bet already have fixed that you get a mail when this happens. So see you then and have an awesome summer with lots of whatever you like the most! (I love barbecue and thunderstorms :3)