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Chapter 41 - Angry

Johnny tracked Liz as she strode into his room. "You look like you have a lot on your mind."

She attempted a smile but didn't quite pull it off. "I do."

"Spill it," he said patting the space next to him. He had a feeling what she was about to say and knows that it will be hard for her to talk about it.

Liz climbed onto the bed and sat next to him. "My father is worried that I'm not dealing with the fact that I killed people."

Johnny nodded. "Go on." He had been wondering if she'd come and talk to him about it, but when she didn't, he figured she had already spoken to Jason.

"I'm just so angry about everything," she said looking down at her hands. "I'm mad at Manny for shooting you. I'm mad that those men made me shoot them. I'm pissed that I was even put into this situation in the first place."

"Understandable."

"Is it?" she said looking up him. "I'm not sorry for killing them and I feel wrong for that. Am I evil because I took a life and I don't care?"

Johnny grabbed her hand. "Elizabeth, you're not evil for protecting yourself and obviously, you do give a shit or else you wouldn't be talking to me about it right now. It's alright to feel sad and angry. It's part of what makes you human. I don't like having to shoot people, but I do what I have too. You did what you had to and there is no shame in that. That's not bad. In fact, you are one of the good guys and I will be forever grateful to you for saving my life."

"When you were lying in my arms, I didn't think you were going to make it. After everything you've done for me, I felt such a sense of loss."

"Elizabeth, I've chosen a career that is very dangerous. There's a good chance that I could die because of it. I know that and I've come to terms with it. You are like family to me and I know it seems weird that the guards would give their life for someone else, but it's because the people we work for and around are like family. We have a sense of duty that makes us want to be the best so that when we work for someone like Jason, we're willing to do whatever it takes to protect him and those he loves. I didn't have a second thought about stepping in front of you because it is what I was supposed to do, what I've been trained for. With that said, it being you factored in quite a bit. I couldn't let him hurt you. I don't want you to feel bad about that. You protected me and yourself by killing those men and I will never forget that. We would both be dead if you didn't, not to mention the fact that they didn't care about killing us. So please, you have to find a way to let it go and move forward. I don't want to see it destroy you."

She started crying and Johnny pulled her down to him and just held her close. She finally fell asleep and he shut his eyes. About a half-hour later, he opened them and saw Jason standing in the doorway. He had been watching them for a few minutes and wasn't sure what was going on but he figured she must have gotten upset. Walking over to the bed, he carefully picked her up and took her back to the room where he tucked her in and then walked back to Johnny's room.

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"You want to tell me what happened?" Jason asked from the doorway.

Johnny sighed. "She was feeling like something was wrong with her because she wasn't sorry that she killed those men."

"What did you tell her?"

"I just told her that she did care and it was okay to be sad and angry. She's pissed off that she had to shoot them. She knows she had to do it, but it's just messing with her head."

"I'm glad she had you to talk to. She loves you, Johnny. Seeing you almost die really affected her."

"I know. Maybe I was wrong to let her get that close to me. In this business, your days can be numbered."

"It's too late to go back. She needs you now. Once you're on your feet, do you mind resuming guard duty for a while? I know I agreed to move you, but right now, I don't think it's the best thing for my wife," Jason said. He has a feeling that she needs to be around Johnny for a while.

Johnny nodded. "Of course. I like spending time with her and her sandwiches."

Jason smiled. "Kiss up."

"I learned it from you."

Jason shook his head and started to walk out the door. "Thanks again, man. I don't know what I would have done if I had lost her or you for that matter."

"You know I have your back."

Jason left the room. Johnny and Sonny were his best friends. Losing either one of them would be devastating and for Johnny, Francis and Jason are his family in the states. They seldom spoke of feelings, but there was a strong bond there that would only be broken with death. He hopes that they won't have to worry about that for a long time.

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Jason entered Lorenzo's room. "How are you doing?" he asked as he sat.

"I'm okay. What's going on?" Lorenzo laid the newspaper he was reading down next to him.

"Your daughter is having some issues and I'm not sure about the best way to help her."

Lorenzo studied Jason for a moment. He wasn't the kind of man that would normally ask for help, especially from him. The one good thing he felt would come of this is that their level of trust had grown and he hoped that it would help further the bond between the families. "Is this about what she did to save herself?"

Jason nodded. "Has she talked to you about it?"

"A little bit." His daughter is stubborn sometimes, almost to a fault. Skye is the same way.

"She went to Johnny and broke down. I don't know what to do."

"Maybe you could tell her how you feel about it when you do it," Lorenzo suggested.

"But I can't. I'm able to shut off my feelings and just do what needs to be done. It's not the same thing."

Lorenzo sighed. "I understand. She tries to be tough, but she is hurting underneath it all. That situation was a lot to deal with. Maybe she hasn't said anything to you because you are tough and you don't crack. She might think that you would perceive it as her being weak for getting upset about it."

Jason thought about what he just said. "But, why talk to Johnny then?"

"Johnny is like a big brother to her. She almost lost him and she's not trying to please Johnny, but she wants to please you and have you respect her. I think you just need to reassure her and everything will be fine."

"Thanks, Lorenzo. I appreciate the advice," he said standing up. What Lorenzo said made sense to him, so he'll figure out a way to reach her.

"You're a good man, Jason. I know you want the best for my little girl and I appreciate that."

Jason nodded as he left. He is glad that he had finally earned Lorenzo's respect even though he had a rough start.

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Liz woke up as Jason walked back inside the bedroom.

"Hi," she said softly. "How do you manage to pick me up without me noticing?"

Jason shrugged and sat next to her. "You okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

He pulled her into his arms. "I want you to know that I love you and you can tell me anything. I will never judge you, baby."

"I know. Sometimes, I just need to process things a little before we talk."

"I understand," he said hugging her tighter.

She closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. She isn't quite sure why she is having a hard time opening up to Jason about everything. Maybe it's because she doesn't want to fall apart right now. While her husband makes her feel safe, she needs to think things over a little more and then when she is ready, he will be there for her and that means everything to her.