Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

I first met Rome when he was just a little child, not yet the great empire he is remembered as today, I had startled him in the forest but we were quick to become close. I raised him to be cunning, fierce and brave. He used the skills I taught him well. Oh he did so very well. I did not know at this time that he would die by the hand of his friend and the three of us were close… even though… I had many secrets. I was quiet about them when we were around… all except for one. The one I should have truly kept silent. If I had Rome may have lived longer.

But that is the past. He is dead now. His body little more than something I kept hidden behind glass. It was an odd thing to do. Collect and keep the dead bodies of my nations in glass coffins with their names on cards. But I've always been sentimental… even though my mind has been shattered and put back together more times than I can even count.

One of the more intense times took place as I lived in Rome's home, my cousin known as Mars had gone to the Sun and convinced him that I needed punishment for the countless galaxies and stars I had destroyed. The Sun despises me, I am so powerful that I could snuff him like a candle if I so wished… if only I could. I will not kill my beloved children for such petty reasons. But as I was saying the Sun took Mars's side and I was handed over to him for thirty years for him to do as he liked.

Rome and Germania and the rest of my children were never aware of my absence for I left a copy of myself to protect them from other planets and the knowledge of my disappearance. They were fine… unlike myself. I was not beaten. I was not hurt… physically. Instead Mars had pushed me into a room, one that cut me off from the flow of the universe so that I was truly trapped, and shut the door. I did not leave that room for thirty years. No food. No water. Not like I needed any but it was maddening beyond belief.

I was fine for fifteen days before my grip began to fall apart, the white hurt my eyes… It burned so badly. I was losing myself to the mad whiteness that cloaked my like the snow. Its grip was tight and cold… promising death to all who stayed in its deadly embrace too long. On the nineteenth day I sank into my own arm, red blood easily dripped from the harsh bite but I did not worry. I did not care. I dipped my slender and graceful, but now shaky, fingers into the warm drops.

I painted the very walls with my blood. I drew Rome, I drew Native North America and her beautiful sons, I drew anything and everything until one picture was part of another until there was nothing but red and a hideous brown staining the walls. I saw hallucinations of home, of my beloved nations… of people I did not know. But they never stayed long… they always walked past me without a word.

Fourteen years and two hundred and thirty six days I was tearing my own body apart, first with horrible cracks my ribs flew across the bloodied room one by one. Followed next by my organs. I didn't need them! I was perfectly fine without them! I did not need a heart to live! I need not lungs or a stomach! They were useless to me! Useless! What need did I have for these pitifully weak pieces? They served as amusement for a time. I juggled my organs, caring not that my empty body was hanging open… like someone had opened the curtains for a play only to find emptiness.

At fifteen years and one hundred and sixty seven days I laid on my side, eyes staring at the wall sightlessly as men and women walked around me. I did not move for fifteen more years. My mind was useless. There was nothing there anymore. Nothing nothing…. Nothing in my mind like there was nothing in my chest. I did not even blink. I stewed in my thoughts. Driven so far into insanity I could not remember who I even was anymore. I did not reach for the hallucinations as I once did. I was so lonely that I wanted to but I had not the will to move.

Thirty years and two days something happened, which looking back on it I should have expected but I had long since forgotten what time was, the door opened. It creaked and it brought up dried blood in flakes as it opened. My thirty years were up. Mars was letting me free. My eyes had flickered to look at the horrified planet, little littllllle brother o' minnne… he was in the door. I had forgotten that the door had existed. His eyes were wide and his mouth open with shock which turned to horror as I shakily stood.

The tattered remains of my stomach and chest hung open and he could see my spine easily, his horror froze him in place as I tottered over to him. When I arrived at him I draped my body across his, hugging him close. "…. Marsss… look the door is open… doors open…." I murmured into his ear, my unused voice raspy and weak. I let go of him and stumbled past him, eager to go back to my planet… Ha. At that time I didn't know where I was going or why. I just knew I was needed to be somewhere and now.

Despite knowing that I still dawdled, when back on my own planet I crooned and petted everything from the trees to the animals to the rivers to the ground. I did not return to Rome for at least another year as I sewed myself back up and recovered enough to appear decently sane. My copy gave me the memories of the time I lost as I slowly consumed her body and soul. I was barely able to keep myself in check, I could not stand closed doors anymore. I needed to know I could leave. Even then I felt the need to test the world… after all if it screams and bleeds it's real. At least… that was my logic at the time. I lost myself again when Rome was killed, I nearly killed Germania but I managed to stop myself at the last moment. Then I left. I removed myself from memory and history. I could not get close to my nations… only pain… only pain. I still collected their bodies and visited them plenty in the afterlife but when they were alive…. I could not see them. Well at least not as myself.

Authors Note

Another chapter another day... yep.

-MadOwlNekoCat