a/n: Well, the results are in and aside from the last chapter which will be a full color illustration, the polished line art piece will be...#1 Peeta and Katniss in the recliner the night of their first time when Peeta gives her back her pearl in the form of the necklace! Thanks for all your votes! #1 was the winner but #2 was not too far behind in the race (you wonderful perverts, you). I will let you know when the illustrations are available but they will be available on my tumblr (penname madambeth). Thanks again for voting and I hope you enjoy chapter 37!
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
"Landslide" - Fleetwood Mac
Chapter 37
From Wednesday on, the rest of our time with Zale seemed to pass faster than any of us wanted.
He woke up rested after the thunderstorm Tuesday night (Peeta and I…slightly less so) and went 100 miles per hour into the rest of his stay.
We took Haymitch the leftover turkey for his lunch when we went over to clean the chicken coop the next day and in return, Haymitch told Zale stories about Finnick from their years mentoring at the Games together, some of which I had never even heard myself.
I couldn't even tease Haymitch for opening up to Zale the way he did. The child had an uncanny ability to completely disarm those around him of even their strongest defenses. Whether from a natural charisma he'd inherited from his father or from our own emotional connections to Finnick; Haymitch, Peeta, and I found ourselves easily welcoming him into our tight inner circle.
We finished cleaning the coop early enough that we were able to relax in Haymitch's yard as he finished sharing his stories of Finnick with Zale. The boy hung onto every word even as he effortlessly fashioned the hat he promised for Peeta from the palm bush and made one for Haymitch as well.
We were eating turkey salad sandwiches together in our kitchen when Peeta arrived home and he and Zale disappeared up into Peeta's art studio for the afternoon. It turned out after all the different painting techniques Peeta showed him, the one that appealed to Zale the most was what Peeta referred to as an abstract form of art called 'drip painting'.
Once Peeta explained to me that it involved a canvas, a brush, and several different colors of paint that Zale was then able to splatter all over the place in order to create his work of art, I had a pretty good idea of why that style had appealed so strongly to an 11-year-old boy.
He'd placed his finished canvas downstairs by the door so that he wouldn't forget it when he left on Sunday afternoon. The kitten had eyed it suspiciously for the rest of the week, occasionally batting at it with his paws to keep the strange looking 'creature' in line. Zale said it was the ocean and I could definitely see it when I looked at the mix of all different shades of blue and green and even some black. I told him I thought Annie would love it.
Thursday we all worked at the bakery and Zale spent most of the morning practicing different kinds of frosting techniques which he deemed to be even more difficult than what Peeta had taught him about painting. He got bored of that quickly which I didn't find surprising since he spent most of his free time at home on fishing boats where the activity involved much greater use of his gross motor skills than small like baking and frosting.
Peeta had him take inventory in the store room for the last two hours of the work day and told him as payment for his work, he'd help him bake and frost his own cake to take home with him. They agreed that they would create it on Sunday during the baking class Zale would be taking part in before he left.
Peeta put up a tent that night, at Zale's request, and the two of them camped out in the back yard together leaving me with a hyper kitten who decided he wanted to play all night. I finally had to lock him in the downstairs bathroom with his litter, a bowl of water and a few toys just to get some sleep before sunrise.
When I made my way downstairs Friday morning, Peeta and Zale had already made their way back into the house, and were making bacon, eggs, and a loaf of bread for breakfast. They had apparently roused Haymitch and dragged him over for the meal because I knew he wouldn't have been there that early unless taken by force or temptation.
I had to snort back a laugh when I entered the kitchen because I suddenly had an image in my head of Zale carrying a bottle of liquor on the end of a stick hanging from a string as Haymitch trailed behind him across the yard.
I even felt a little bad about it later when Haymitch took Zale to his house for the rest of the morning and showed him how to whittle things from small pieces of wood while I did the weekly cleaning of the downstairs at my house.
It seemed with each passing hour I became more and more comfortable with the idea of having a child of my own. I wasn't naïve enough that I thought every child behaved as well as Zale, but the boy had tugged on so many heartstrings I didn't even know I had during his stay that I could barely believe it myself. I slowly but surely was beginning to look forward to one of my own.
Peeta was having such a difficult time with the idea of Zale going home that he worried an episode might be coming on and had opted to sleep in one of the spare bedrooms Friday night.
He did share the bad feelings he was having that were leading to him feeling like an episode was coming on with me, but he still thought it would be best if he slept in the guest room. I felt terrible that he was so sad to see Zale go that it was causing bad thoughts, but I secretly also found it sweet that he cared so much about him that the idea of him leaving us was a possible trigger for his episodes. We decided not to hang the X on the door because Zale had never seen it before or been around when Peeta had an episode and we didn't want to scare him.
I spent a troubling amount of time that night alone in bed going over various different scenarios for how we would explain Peeta's episodes to our child and none of them really left me satisfied. I stared at the ceiling for most of the night and once I finally did fall into a fitful sleep I barely kept the nightmares at bay.
Peeta came back to our bed just before sunrise for some cuddling before Zale woke up, where I shared my concerns with him. He promised we'd come up with some way to explain our demons to any children that came along without scaring the daylights out of them. He reminded me that or strange ways wouldn't seem strange to the children if it was the way we had always been to them just like Zale never saw anything wrong with Annie's strange behaviors. He told me that children have an amazing capacity for compassion when it is taught to them in the right way and he had no doubts that the two of us would raise our children with a strong sense of values.
That made me feel a little bit better but a part of me still worried about the effects our past might have on our children's future, not to mention the attention they would undoubtedly receive for being the offspring of the star crossed lovers from District 12.
"I want to talk to Plutarch before we start trying." I said suddenly when we were cuddled up together as the sun had just about risen completely over the trees.
"About what?" Peeta asked curiously as he stroked a hand from my elbow to my fingertips and back on one arm gently.
"They can have one family picture per year or nothing at all. That's the deal. I won't negotiate with the government over my children's right to anonymity." I said firmly and snuggled closer in his arms as I thought of that visit to the Capitol the first time we met Zale.
I still got chills about how the people at the banquet had clawed their way through each other just to get a look at the innocent baby.
"Our children will have as normal a life as we can provide for them and I won't let them be used for propaganda like we have been following the war." I said and Peeta put both arms around me and nodded.
"One picture per year is more generous that they deserve after everything. I don't think Plutarch will have a problem with that." He said softly and kissed the top of my head.
"I'll do everything in my power to keep our family safe, Katniss. I promise." He whispered and I raised my chin to kiss him deeply.
"I know you will." I whispered back and stroked his stubbly cheek with the knuckles of one hand.
"I love you, Peeta." I said and nuzzled his nose with my own lovingly.
We managed a few more minutes of quiet necking before we heard the guest bedroom door swing open. We smiled at the sound of Zale talking to the mewling kitten about what he was going to give him for breakfast before we left for the lake.
"I guess that means it's time for us to get up." Peeta chuckled as we righted our pajamas and got up to make the bed together.
I couldn't help noticing the way Peeta looked at me over the mattress as we tucked sheets and fluffed pillows, nor could I help the small smile that crept across my face when I realized what he was thinking.
"You better clear your Sunday evening, Mrs. Mellark…" He said when we met at foot of the bed as I was pulling on my robe.
We would be spending Saturday night at the cabin before a thankfully busy Sunday morning with our baking class to keep our minds off Zale's looming departure. Since the boy's interruption the night of the thunderstorm though, I had been walking around with an aching, empty sort of feeling that kept me squirming with equal parts anticipation and frustration until we could get back to our usual sex life.
I could tell that Peeta was feeling the same way which I supposed was the reason he so readily agreed to setting up the tent in the backyard and camping out with Zale, and why I had been a little bit relived when he spent the night in one of the guest bedrooms that night before we went to the lake.
"Oh really? And why might that be?" I asked innocently while Peeta sat down on the end of the bed and fixed his prosthetic leg on.
He smiled slyly up at me and I felt my cheeks heat even before he could fully stand and step far into my personal space, staring down into my eyes with such intensity I thought his look alone might make me come.
My cheeks only reddened more deeply when I could tell Peeta knew exactly what I was thinking.
"Because, I have spent the last…" I watched him pretend to do some quick mental math looking up at the ceiling before his hot gaze returned to mine. "2 days planning out all of the things I want to do to you between when we put Zale on the train back to District 4 and when I have to get up for work on Monday morning."
He dropped a kiss to my forehead, on one high cheek bone, and then my chin. I felt my heartbeat speed up a little when his lips didn't stop there but moved down my neck to press wet kisses along my collar bone and between my breasts through the silky robe.
My hands shot to the back of his head where I gripped his shaggy hair hard enough to make him gasp against my skin.
"Mmm…well, in that case…." I whispered breathily and slid one hand slowly down his shoulder to his chest and then even more slowly down the middle of his chest and abdomen to brush the back of my hand against him through the front of his shorts.
"I better make sure I don't overexert myself at the lake today…" I teased and Peeta slapped me hard on the ass making me yelp as I turned for the door.
"Better not…I'd like exclusive rights to any overexertion you experience before the weekend is through." He grinned wolfishly and I wagged my eyebrows at him as we headed out the door to go see what Zale's idea of a proper breakfast for a kitten entailed.
We spent another wonderful day at the lake that ended with Peeta sketching Zale and I by fire light as we cooked sausages on sticks and then toasted marshmallows for dessert. The sausages went well but the marshmallows turned into a giant sticky mess that led to Zale to do some extra good scrubbing during his shower that night.
We hung out beside the fire by the lake for as long as possible, none of us wanting to point out that it was our final night together. Peeta and I each sat in large wooden lawn chairs and Zale went back and forth between sitting on a blanket on the ground and leaning against mine or Peeta's legs. I could tell that he was soaking up the last bit of attention he could from us before he left the next day.
I wished that I had even a spark of artistic ability when I sat watching Peeta stroke the top of Zale's head as they joked and laughed together into the late evening. Because I couldn't, I did the next best thing which was take out the little camera I had been using all day while we played in the lake and took walks through the woods and snapped a picture of them together.
Once they realized I was taking pictures again, they both regressed to about 5 years old and started making silly faces, putting each other in headlocks and other goofy things to make me laugh. My personal favorite picture from that night was of Zale climbing over the back of Peeta's chair to sit on his shoulders and Peeta making a face like Zale was crushing him as the boy laughed away.
Peeta asked me to toss him the camera and he took a few pictures of Zale and I cuddling on my chair, crossing our eyes and sticking our tongues out at Peeta. My favorite of the two of us that he captured though was taken when Zale plopped himself down on my lap with his arms around my neck like a baby and I started tickling him just before Peeta snapped the picture. The look of carefree joy on both of our faces (even though Zale's is squished up in a silent scream of laughter) still makes my heart melt to this day when I look at it, even though the boy in the picture is eighteen years old now.
We finally managed to get Zale to go to bed around midnight after reminding him that we all had to be up fairly early for the walk to the bakery if we were to be there before our little students showed up.
Peeta and I went to bed shortly after Zale and fell asleep quickly to the sound of crickets in the forest and frogs by the lake.
When I woke up in the morning, I was on my stomach with one side of my face pressed into the crook of Peeta's neck and an arm thrown over his middle comfortably. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the orange glow of new morning light seeping in through the crack in the drapes in the kitchen area. The second thing I saw, and what startled me onto my back and had me reaching for a bow that was nowhere in sight, was the outline of a person sitting cross-legged on the end of mine and Peeta's bed.
"Zale…sweetie…" I said holding my chest to try to slow the pounding of my heart once I realized who it was.
"Is everything alright?" I asked in a whisper, trying to let Peeta sleep a few minutes longer.
The look on Zale's face was heartbreakingly sad and I wanted to find a way to make it go away as quickly as possible.
"I took that book about the Hunger Games victors." He blurted out in a shaky whisper and dropped his eyes shamefully to the floor.
I tried not to smile because it was obvious that this secret had been weighing so heavily on him, so I just sat up and carefully moved to sit on the end of the bed beside Zale and put an arm around his slender shoulders.
"Yeah…about that…" I said with a grimace and Zale's eyes bounced back to my face.
"You already knew?" He asked in a shocked whisper and I nodded slowly.
"Peeta saw it under your pillow the other night. We were going to tell you to take it home with you anyway…" I said with a shrug and stroked the back of his head once lightly. Zale took a deep breath once he realized he wasn't in trouble.
"Just maybe keep it in your room away from Mom, alright?" I suggested and Zale nodded vigorously but still looked a little ashamed.
"He was your father, Zale. You deserve to know him…even if it's just from a book or…or old stories his friends can pass on to you…" I said with a shrug and Zale returned his attention to me, spinning around so that we were face to face.
"No, no…that was…you were…" he stuttered a few times as he tried to get out what he wanted to say and finally just threw himself into my arms surprising me and hugged me tightly. "…that was the coolest thing anyone's ever done for me…I…I mean, you and Peeta and Haymitch telling me those stories about my dad."
He pulled away slightly to look up into my face with those heartbreakingly familiar eyes.
"I kind of feel like I do know who he was now." He whispered and turned his gaze peacefully towards the window I had been looking at when I first woke up. "It feels really nice."
The smile I gave him back must have been similar to the one Zale himself was sporting because when he looked at me again, his smile grew tenfold and we hugged each other close.
"Hey," Peeta's groggy voice said after we'd been hugging a few moments. "You movin' in on my girl?"
Zale and I pulled back and smiled brightly at Peeta. He was still in the position he'd been in when I woke up but he had his arms folded comfortably behind his head as he tried really hard to look sternly at the two of us.
"Maybe…" Zale joked.
Peeta's eyes widened as he sat up quickly and grabbed Zale around the waist, wrestling him down to the mattress easily and tickling him mercilessly. Zale laughed and screamed as I climbed behind Peeta and tried tickling him to break his hold on Zale.
"Hey! Whose side are you on?" Peeta laughed and reached back with one arm to tickle me while the other kept Zale pinned to the mattress struggling to get up.
Finally, when we were all spent, we all got dressed to go. Zale and I cleaned up the cabin while Peeta made a quick loaf of raisin bread to go that we all munched on during our walk back through the woods. The levity of the morning tickle fight was beginning to wear off as Zale's departure that afternoon crept back to the forefront of our minds. We quietly walked home and hopped in the car for the drive to the bakery.
Zale was in charge of helping me set up all of the stations for the children that would be coming: making sure that they all had the proper measuring tools, spatulas for stirring, aprons, oven mitts, and lists of ingredients they would need to make that week's goodies.
Peeta spent his prep time taking all of the ingredients out of the back storage area and placing them on the large kitchen island where they would be more accessible to the kids. Then he went about setting out the little wooden tables where Zale and I then placed the baking supplies.
When the children began arriving just after 8:00, their parents kissing them goodbye at the door and telling them to have fun, we went through the usual dash around the bakery to corral all of them into their stations. We put two children together per table, pairing the younger children with one on the older side to help if they needed it.
I had once joked with Peeta that hiring a sheep dog might not have be a bad idea in order to get the class started before 9:00 for a change but he seemed to thrive on the noise and chaos of wiggly, excited little bodies racing around our shop.
He'd always eventually get them settled by handing out the 'cookie of the day' which was promised only to those on their best behavior. This meant those who had their hands washed, aprons securely tied, and eyes on the man in charge. It was a tactic we found worked best over the years to help us keep order. Plus the children looked forward to seeing and tasting the new cookie that was handed out at each class, enough so that they went willingly to their stations once everyone had arrived.
The treats we were baking that day were peach turnovers, a delicious summertime favorite of mine,
Since Zale had made them before with us Peeta felt comfortable leaving him in charge of one of the groups of younger children. Peeta and I shared little glances and smiles here and there all morning as we watched Zale patiently instruct his tiny pupils, even showing them how to properly clean their tools while all of the pastries were in the ovens baking.
After they all had been picked up and sent proudly on their way home with the delicious Sunday desserts they'd made, the three of us cleaned up the bakery and headed home for a last lunch together. Zale made sure that Haymitch joined us as well.
We made a picnic of it, sitting out in the backyard on a large sheet while Zale played in the yard with the kitten and a ball of yarn. Haymitch was uncharacteristically pleasant as he watched the boy play with one eye and kept the other on his grazing geese that had followed him over for lunch.
"Mmm…I don't know, I think Haymitch might be getting excited about the idea of a more permanent little person in his life, Peet." I said in a stage whisper as I leaned over to Peeta but kept my gaze on Haymitch, my eyes dancing with mirth.
He shifted uncomfortably in his usual lawn chair and frowned at the two of us which only made us laugh.
"Sure, sure…it's all fun and games until the kid is up all hours of the night. You better close your windows in that case cause I don't want to listen to some damn screaming baby." He gruffly said and his frown deepened when Peeta and I just continued to smile at him. He knew that we were probably the only two people on earth that would recognize that as a ringing endorsement of his excitement for us.
"Yeah, he's definitely excited." Peeta said and couldn't hold back his laughter any more.
I laughed as well when Haymitch started grumbling under his breath and folded his arms defensively across his chest.
Hadn't he been the one ragging on me for not having children all these years? And, if his barely concealed enjoyment of Zale that week proved anything, it was that somewhere deep down he had the same desire to see the next generation go on and thrive as anyone else in our newly revived country.
Perhaps that's why I so enjoy seeing Haymitch with our children as they are now; because it has given him back a piece of his humanity that he seemed to think had died within him during his own stint in the Hunger Games.
As the early afternoon passed into the late, Haymitch said a quick goodbye to Zale before slipping back off to his own house to drown any feelings he was having about Zale's departure deep in a bottle of liquor.
I found myself almost wishing for my own bottle as I helped Zale pack up his things while Peeta boxed up the cake Zale made to take home and put his painting in the back of the car for the trip to the train station.
I slipped copies of the photos I had taken the night before into Zale's duffle bag as I was carrying it down the stairs behind him. The kitten shot out from the living room area into the foyer, probably guessing from the gathering in the foyer that we were headed somewhere without him.
"Bye, Buttercup Two…it was nice to meet you." Zale said smiling and scooped the kitten up as Peeta came in the front door to tell us everything was packed up. He smiled sadly at me over Zale's head as the kitten purred and nuzzled his head under the boy's chin making him chuckle.
"Maybe I'll ask my mom if we can get a cat or a dog or something when I get home…" he said placing the kitten on the large post at the end of the banister on the stairs.
"Well, if she needs an endorsement of your pet care skills, tell her to give me and Peeta a call." I smiled and tugged him into my arms and placed a quick kiss on the top of his head.
"You were always nice with Buttercup and you did a great job taking care of the kitten this week." I said as Peeta took the duffle from me and we all headed out the front door together, me with an arm still around Zale's shoulder.
The walk from the house to the car seemed to take an eternity, the weight of emotions we all were feeling making each step closer to saying goodbye to Zale harder than the last. As we climbed into the car, I began to replay each memory we'd made that week over in my head. Each one became a link on the heavy imaginary chain that seemed to be holding us back from making our way to the train station any faster than necessary.
I sat in the front with Peeta and Zale sat in the back, all of us quiet for the entire ride to the train station. When we arrived a few minutes later, Zale's train was just pulling into the station. Unfortunately our procrastination in getting him ready to leave had left us with very little time for goodbyes before we would have to send him off on his way.
Peeta took Zale's large duffle straight to one of the attendants to be loaded in his compartment while Zale took the cake and his painting for Annie to carry on with him.
As we stood by the open door to the train, the sad truth of Zale's departure finally became unavoidable. Peeta pulled me into his side as we looked at the fine young man standing before us, who was purposefully avoiding our gazes.
"Well, I guess I better go before the train leaves without me. My mom'll be pretty pissed…I…I mean mad if I'm not on it tonight." He said rubbing the back of his head with a forced laugh.
"Right!" I said equally fake enthusiasm. "I'm sure she missed you a lot, you make sure to give her a big hug for us alright? And thank her for letting us have you this week."
I left the comfort of Peeta's arms, my voice breaking slightly on the last word and stepped forward to pull Zale into my arms. I didn't care in that moment about his budding masculinity or about how he might feel if someone were to see my dramatic display of affection, I just wanted him to know that he was loved by his 'family' in District 12 and that we would miss him deeply until his next visit.
"It was so nice to have you here, sweetie. I love you so, so much. You know that, right?" I said unable to stop the hot tears that were pooling in my eyes and blurring my vision as I took Zale's cheeks between my hands.
He finally raised his eyes to mine and I saw immediately that he was holding back tears of his own. He nodded and then buried his face in my neck and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist.
"I love you too, Auntie Kat…" he said using the first pet name he'd had for me when he learned to talk.
I held him tighter still, even as Peeta stepped up and wrapped his arms easily around both of us. I couldn't see his face but I could hear him sniffling too.
I rested my cheek against the top of Zale's head and we all just held each other for a long moment until the conductor shouted that the train would be pulling out of the station in just 2 minutes.
When I lifted my head I could see that one of Peeta's large hands was on the back of Zale's head, cradling it lovingly as we all pulled back to look at each other once more.
"Alright, well you better get going…" Peeta said as we stepped apart.
Zale wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and then straightened out the thin hooded shirt he was wearing.
"Remember what we talked about…" Peeta said with a wink and nodded to the cake and the painting.
"Hobbies…" he mouthed with a sly smile and Zale rolled his eyes and chuckled as he picked them up to take on the train with him.
"Yeah, yeah…hobbies…" he embarrassedly mumble and stepped forward once more into our open arms, just as the conductor was giving the last call for anyone left to get on the train.
We walked Zale to the door and he gave us one last wave with the hand holding the top edge of his painting and then stepped onto the train. It might have seemed flippant but it all any of us could handle with our emotions running so high.
Before he entered the seating area though, he stopped and turned around to face us once more with an impish smile on his face.
"Maybe next time I come to visit you'll have a baby for me to play with…" he shrugged.
I looked up at Peeta, wondering why on earth he would have confided to an 11-year-old boy that we were going to be trying for a baby only to find he was giving me a similar look so I knew he must not have said anything to Zale.
Zale's smile widened at our shocked expressions and he shrugged again and raised his eyebrows.
"Well…it just sounded like you were doing a pretty good job of trying to make one the other night when I got sick…" he grinned.
This time it was mine and Peeta's turn to look embarrassed as Zale turned and disappeared into the train.
"Damn kid…" Peeta growled and tugged me into his side with a short laugh as I groaned and buried my face in his chest.
"I guess I should be happy that just happened as he was getting on the train to go home rather than earlier in the week when I'd have to look at him for the rest of the week knowing he heard us!" I whined and Peeta rubbed his hands up and down my back laughing softly.
Neither of us spoke again, instead choosing to just hold each other close while the doors closed and the train pulled away. We couldn't see Zale from the side of the train we were standing closest to and I figured that was probably for the best for all of us so we just watched the train disappear in the distance until it was completely out of sight.
Well, I'm not gonna lie...the next chapter is basically just one big fat 8 page lemon. So...I'm going to have to make you wait for that since I need to spread out the next few chapters over the month of September now that kindergarten starts on Tuesday (I teach in a private school where my max is 8 children but 6 of those children are boys this year so I will have some physically tiring days ahead for a little while!) I promise it's totally panty-combustingly-hot and worth the wait! I will probably have it up by next Wednesday so not quite such a long wait for the sexing! Until then, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was a tough one to write because of all the emotions surrounding Zale's departure mixed with Peeta and Katniss's decision to 'grow up' and start a family.
As always, reviews are greatly appreciated! I love getting them and then responding back and forth with you guys about where you think things should go next, what you think would have happened differently, etc. I'm a talkative gal so I'm happy to chat you up whenever you like!