The second generation of this series of seemingly random reincarnation was that of the youngest Uchiha and his overly-friendly tracker, known in this world as Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley.
…Yeah, you should definitely run now.
o.o.o.o.o
Harry Potter, as a young child, was prone to either glaring or being completely emotionless in the face of anyone and anything. He devoured historical texts, particularly those regarding large wars. He was neither greedy nor careless, and never made any comment beyond a condescending sneer when questioned as to whether he was bothered by the fact that he had the smaller of the two bedrooms in the house. He didn't flinch during horror films or shy away from the scarier animals in the zoos. His sense of humor, when he used it so rarely, was macabre or demeaning. He was far too mature for his age.
…He was a scary kid.
o.o.o.o.o
Ginny Weasley, as a young child, was prone to disturbing people with grotesque displays of medical knowledge in an attempt to disgust them. She didn't cry when she was born, but she did scream. And once she stopped screaming, she just started glaring at the world. She eventually stopped, but then she started learning to read and write and talk at an extremely fast rate, and learning as much about Healing as she could, particularly the results of duels.
…She was a scary kid.
o.o.o.o.o
Hermione Granger was a smart girl. She was a clever girl. She knew what the Wizarding World had to say about Harry Potter.
She knew that it did not say that he was an asocial, condescending, arrogant jerk who tended to reply with a grunt when he didn't find the conversation interesting.
She narrowed her eyes, and dragged the somewhat shocked boy with the red hair out of the room.
"…That's Harry Potter?" The boy finally croaked, seeming horrified.
"Apparently." Hermione said, and then started to pace. "What house do you think he's going to be in?"
"Slytherin." The boy said immediately. "Definitely not a Hufflepuff, and—"
"Don't just automatically make an assumption based on whether he's nice or not." Hermione snapped, and then backtracked a bit when she saw his face. "Listen, he might just be a little mean. He might be smart enough for Ravenclaw, or he might be willing to jump into dangerous situations without—"
Ron ignored her and opened the door again. "Oi, what house do you think you'll be in?"
"…Not Hufflepuff. Long story, but definitely not Hufflepuff. And I like to think I'm not reckless enough for Gryffindor." Without Ron's knowledge, Sasuke was thinking over the number of times he had backstabbed people after he turned twelve. Konoha, Orochimaru, Itachi, Orochimaru in a different way, Konoha again in a different way, his teammates, his other teammates, Tobi, Kabuto, Tobi again in a stronger way…
"Okay, thanks." Ron closed the door and turned back to Hermione. "So, Ravenclaw or Slytherin."
Hermione seemed extremely miffed at something, but pushed the feeling down.
"Why did you want to know, anyway?" Ron tilted his head a little.
"We can't just let him stay like that!" Hermione squeaked, her voice going into a register that only teenaged girls could reach. "The Wizarding World will eat him alive!"
Ron stared at her, owl-eyed. "Okay, and?"
"One of us will have to go into Ravenclaw, the other into Slytherin, and then we'll work together to get him more suited to society. Teach him how to interact with people without insulting them." Hermione declared, slightly grandiose.
"…That seems kind of manipulative to me." Ron admitted. "I mean, he seems perfectly happy the way he is, you know?"
"Maybe, but he needs to learn." Hermione huffed, crossing her arms.
"You know, I can hear everything your saying." Harry's voice came through the screen.
Ron and Hermione froze, though Hermione seemed a bit more panicked than Ron did. With a mocking chuckle, Harry opened the door. "Still, I wouldn't mind some company wherever I end up."
Hermione took a step back, a little intimidated.
"Yeah…" Ron just sent him a funny look. "You're really weird, mate."
"And you're surprisingly calm." Harry smirked and crossed his arms, leaning against the doorway.
"You remind me of my sister. After you see an eight-year-old girl drive a grown man barmy for the fifth time just by talking about Healing spells and the injuries that need them, you kind of just…" He shrugged.
Harry, for reasons unknown, seemed rather interested. "Your sister wants to be a Healer?"
"I think she wants to be an auror, actually." Ron flinched. "She says that she'd enjoy the chase or something. I don't really get it, but…"
A strange look entered Harry's eyes, and he gestured back into the carriage, urging the mentally younger students in. "Tell me… has she ever said anything about reincarnation?"
Ron froze, and then slowly turned. "Yeah…"
"The Uzumaki?"
Ron nodded.
"…Karin?"
"Okay, how do you know all this?"
"Because I lived it." A grin crossed his face, and suddenly, the lauded Harry Potter was laughing. "Oh, this is going to be interesting."
Ron just stared at him, then turned to Hermione and nodded.
The day ended with an extremely intelligent muggleborn in Ravenclaw, and with both a Potter and a Weasley in Slytherin.
"…Mum's going to go into shock."
o.o.o.o.o
"Potter isn't like his father." Snape mused to McGonagall.
"Oh?"
"James Potter was an excitable eccentric with too much power and a naive love for practically anything that breathed, and quite a few things that didn't."
"And Harry?"
"Is a nasty little b**tard with too much power and condescending disdain for the world."
"...He IS a Slytherin."
"Unfortunately."
"Just give the boy a chance."
"I did. He's been perfectly polite… and utterly, infuriatingly smug."
o.o.o.o.o
"What's with that look on your face, Potter?" Malfoy sneered.
"I'm sorry, what was that? All I could hear was the buzzing of an insignificant gnat."
"Okay!" Ron pushed his way between them as quickly as possible. "How about we just keep this civil and try not to get detention."
"Fine by me." Harry smirked and walked off. Ron just groaned and put a hand to his head.
This was going to take a while.
o.o.o.o.o
"Let me get this straight." Sasuke ran a hand through his hair in frustration with the stupidity of the world surrounding him. "You want to get this rock that grants immortality and turns any metal into gold. But you can't because it is magically hidden inside a mirror."
"Yes." Quirrel seemed slightly confused by Potter's words.
"And you didn't think that, oh, maybe I could just, you know, smash the mirror?" For emphasis, he pointed at it. "It's right there!"
"If the stone were to be damaged—"
"Oh please, it's not like you were going to get it anyway." Sasuke snorted. "Your stupidity annoys me. And that face on the back of your head? Alright, for one thing, it's utterly disgusting, and for another, it monologues far too much. Are you trying to talk or stupid me to death?"
Quirrel pulled out his wand, but before he could say even a single word, he was engulfed in black flames.
Sasuke only spoke on word. "Burn."
o.o.o.o.o
Ron watched the meeting between his supposed best friend (only friend other than Hermione, really) and his sister with apprehension.
This was mostly because they were fighting with the ferocity of tigers and twice the skill. On a crowded train platform. With no one the wiser.
"You haven't trained much, have you?" Sasuke smirked down at his former teammate.
"Please." Karin snorted. "Like there's any need to in this world."
"Tch."
o.o.o.o.o
"Heir of Slytherin?" Harry thought it over. "Yeah, okay. Sounds regal. I'll take it."
Ron groaned again. His sister, somehow a Ravenclaw, just rolled her eyes. Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose.
Maybe he should find some books on de-stressing.
o.o.o.o.o
"You!" Sasuke pointed at Lockhart. "You have failed the ultimate test of being both pretty and competent!"
"…What?" Lockhart was genuinely confused.
"Time for a bishie-off!"
Sasuke, for the record, had been getting really, really bored.
o.o.o.o.o
Sasuke looked at the book in his hands, and then back at Karin.
"It's got the same energy as my scar?"
"Obviously. I would have thrown it out otherwise."
"…Huh. So… find out what was in there and Amaterasu it?"
"Sure."
o.o.o.o.o
Sasuke stared at the giant snake.
Well… time to get a new pet.
o.o.o.o.o
"We should put these flames to good use." Karin muttered.
"We're burning a piece of Voldemort's soul. Isn't that a good enough use?" Sasuke asked.
"Marshmallows."
"…Do you have any?"
"Yes."
"…Huh."
Begrudgingly, Ron and Hermione joined in on the 'festivities.'
o.o.o.o.o
Harry nonchalantly pulled Draco out of the way of Buckbeak's attack, not breaking eye contact with the beast once it caught his eyes.
He so did not need his Sharingan for this. Just force of will.
Aw, yeah.
o.o.o.o.o
"You knew my parents?" Actually, Sasuke thought, he'd been wondering a bit about them.
"Yes," Remus answered with a fond, nostalgic smile. "Your father was one of my best friends."
"Do you know why my aunt acts so strangely when I ask her about him?"
Remus had a flashback to the first meeting between James and Petunia.
"Ah! You're Lily's sister!" James got uncomfortably close. "I am going to smother you in love and affection, and we will PLANT TREES TOGETHER because TREES ARE AWESOME."
Sirius, in the background: "He means that literally. It's not a sex joke. He genuinely wants to go out and just plant stuff. And ignore the rest, because he's an idiot."
"You can't deny the truth! LOVE IS WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO 'ROUND."
"James, sweetie? Shut up."
"'Kay, Lily."
Petunia: shell-shocked
Snape: "...It never ends, you know. It isn't an act."
Remus smiled faintly. "That's a long story involving far, far too many tree metaphors."
"…Did he ever mention reincarnation?" Please, let it be someone respectable…
Remus looked at him strangely. "Yes. Do the names Mito and Hashirama mean anything to—"
"My father was the Shodai Hokage?!"
o.o.o.o.o
"Okay, I believe you."
Sirius stared at him in abject shock. "…Really?"
"Governments tend to be full of corrupt idiots that jump to conclusions."
"Is this about Itachi?"
"Not now."
"It is, isn't it?"
"Fine, yes, it is. Can you let it go now?"
"You know, I would have thought the Sharingarm was more of an outrage, you kno—"
"Shut up!"
"…Ha, I win."
o.o.o.o.o
Ron watched Harry carefully after the Goblet called his name.
First he blinked.
Then he grinned.
Then he laughed.
Then he fell off of the bench.
Then he continued to laugh on the floor.
Ron groaned again as his sister just stood up and threw a roll at Harry hard enough to leave a bruise.
o.o.o.o.o
Sasuke crossed his arms and stared at the dragon.
It stared warily back.
"So… Sharingan."
Bam. Instant win.
They were probably going to drive themselves crazy trying to figure out how he'd done it.
o.o.o.o.o
Sasuke ran out over the water, laughing at the shocked expressions of the other contestants.
Let's see, he hadn't actually bothered to try to prepare beyond "sharingan my way out, just to mess with them," but since he knew that Karin was probably the one down there…
"Susanoo!"
Well, would you look at that. He now had giant swimming armor.
Sweetness.
o.o.o.o.o
Sasuke nudged Barty Crouch with his foot, rather dispassionate. "…Huh. Well, let's carry him back up to the castle."
"Stupefy!"
Sasuke dodged, and then held back Krum from running after the man. "It could be dangerous."
Krum stared at him in disbelief, knowing that he would probably dismiss him as a threat, just as he had the previous two challenges. Krum couldn't exactly call him out on his thoughts, though.
Where would the fun in catching the guy be?
o.o.o.o.o
Sasuke stared at the maze. He looked at his opponents, who had by now realized that he was probably going to do something ridiculous to win.
Sasuke grinned at them just as he heard the whistle blow, and then ran up the side of the maze, jumping over the tops as he once had across rooftops in Konoha, hopping his way to victory.
Noobs.
o.o.o.o.o
"A graveyard? Really?" Sasuke scoffed, wondering just when he'd lost his aloof avenger mask. Meh. It wasn't important.
Voldemort stared him down with bright red eyes. Amateur.
After speaking his way through a monologue for way, way too long, and cutting him off the headstone (wow, really? Even Naruto hadn't been that stu… never mind), Voldemort had also tried to Imperio him.
Sasuke actually pretended to flip hair (that he didn't have) over his shoulder, scoffing aloud. "Amateur."
Voldemort's eyes narrowed and he raised his wand, but Sasuke was already ahead of him. "Susanoo!"
The giant warrior flipped Voldemort off as Sasuke went to go get the cup, which would presumably take him back.
o.o.o.o.o
Karin punched him. "You are such a moron."
"Aw, that's so cute. You think your opinion matters."
She kneed him in the groin.
"Okay," he croaked out, "Your opinion matters."
"D*mn straight it does."
o.o.o.o.o
"So… this place is depressing."
"Not as depressing as Orochimaru's labs."
"…Pretty close, though."
"Shut up, Sasuke-kun."
o.o.o.o.o
Sasuke felt a wide, sardonic grin begin growing across his face at the sight of Umbridge.
Ron put a hand over his face. "Not again…"
o.o.o.o.o
Umbridge ran out of the classroom, screaming about giant pink cockroaches.
Sasuke cackled quietly in his seat.
o.o.o.o.o
Wow, the papers were really going all-out about this.
Should he start caring and doing damage control?
…He wasn't on the must-kill list for most of Europe yet, so he wasn't in all that bad of a situation. He could deal… and laugh at whoever was writing this.
o.o.o.o.o
Okay, so a dream about Sirius being tortured.
Hm…
Hm…
Nah, he was probably fine. The dream had felt like a Genjutsu anyway.
The papers the next day were announcing the arrest of a number of members of high-society and a reported sighting of Voldemort by half of the Auror corps and the Minister himself.
o.o.o.o.o
Karin lay sprawled across the couch in the so called Room of Requirement, her head in Sasuke's lap.
He blinked at her.
She blinked at him.
His eyes were emotionless.
Her eyes were saucily condescending.
"...You gonna kiss me or not?" Karin muttered, an odd lilt to her voice, as though quoting a song.
"D***it, Karin." Sasuke hissed, his Sharingan turning off. "Every time."
"What do you expect, that I just let you win?"
o.o.o.o.o
"Oh, come on!" Ron protested. "My sister?"
Yes." Harry's arms remained folded, and Ginny just ignored the both of them.
"But..."
"To be fair, I've been wanting to jump his bones since before he was even the Boy-Who-Lived." Said little sister pointed out.
Ron buried his face in his hands. "Oh Merlin..."
Hermione patted his shoulder comfortingly.
o.o.o.o.o
"Oh, so they're just pieces of his soul?" Sasuke blinked. "In that case, I'll just ask Karin to help me hunt them down."'
"My dear boy, this is not something that a child such as—"
"Trust me, she can do it."
o.o.o.o.o
Sasuke faced off against Voldemort, arms folded.
Then he just shrugged. "Amaterasu."
He strolled away whistling.
So… Karin would probably want to get married now. He needed to find a ring or something, right?
o.o.o.o.o
A/N: And here I present to you a chapter even crackier and more OOC than the last! I had a lot of fun just gradually twisting Sasuke from "arrogant but only a little OOC" to "I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my own awesome."
And now, for the crackiest fun.
o.o.o.o.o
Omake: Sirius as Madara, Draco as Suigetsu, and Charlie as Juugo
Molly watched fondly as her second-eldest son played with her only daughter. The girl had taken a strange liking to that brother beyond all the others, but no one really seemed to mind, least of all the two in question.
"Juugo, down!"
…Except for that she sometimes treated the boy like a dog and called him a strange name that no one really understood. Juugo was probably just easier to say than Charlie, but…
o.o.o.o.o
"So you're going to be working with dragons." Karin repeated, staring at Juugo with a look of disbelief. "That is just so ridiculously perfect that I can't even…"
"Uh… yeah."
"It's even more perfect than you ending up in Hufflepuff."
"Please stop bringing that up."
o.o.o.o.o
"Oi, Weaslette!" Draco called down the corridor. "You, me, that empty room on the fifth floor, and no clothes! Whatddaya say?"
Ginny flipped him the bird. "Up yours, Malfoy!"
"Ooh, anal? Kinky!" He dodged the inkwell. "Ta-ta, darling!"
o.o.o.o.o
Draco shrugged. "Well, yeah. You want his head on a silver platter or whatever."
Voldemort raised an eyebrow, or would have, had said eyebrow existed. "You don't want him dead?"
Draco shook his head, a sly smirk crossing his face. "No, I want him alive."
He continued without a pause, cutting off the comments before they happened.
"On my bed."
"Naked."
"Maybe covered in whipped cream."
He tapped his chin, ignoring the sickened looks from around the room. "Yeah, definitely want the whipped cream."
One Death Eater finally managed to croak out a horrified "Wh-what?"
Draco raised an eyebrow. "What? Oh, come on! Have you SEEN his abs?"
o.o.o.o.o
"Hn." Sirius made a small, dismissive noise in the back of his throat, one that only three people recognized and understood.
Harry's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Hn."
Sirius turned to him, eyes narrowing as well. "Hn..."
"Hn!"
Ginny pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Hn?"
"Hn."
Snape palmed his face.
Charlie walked in. "Hey, so I found this bird, and it knows where Voldemort is."
"Not now, Juugo." Ginny waved him off. "We've got an Uchiha grunt battle going on."
"Hn!"
"HN."
"HN!"
"This is ridiculous." Snape muttered.
Sirius tossed his hair. "Hn."
Ginny, Snape, Harry, and Charlie all gasped. Ginny pointed at Sirius. "That was uncalled for! Penalty shot!"
"Hn?!" The man protested.
"Hn." Harry smirked, and thought it over. "...Hn."
Sirius threw a knife at him.
The rest of the room stared in confusion.