DISCLAIMER: I do not own the rights to any of the NCIS/NCIS:LA characters, only my own.
Thank you all for taking the time to read and review the chapters, it means the world to me. I'd like your help in naming the kittens. When you review, leave me a couple suggestions. Thank you!
The nurse walked into the curtained area to check on Katy. "Well, you two have drawn quite a crowd out there. Luckily we aren't very busy tonight."
"How many people are out there?" Callen asked.
"I'd say between forty and fifty." She smiled. "How are you doing Mrs. Callen?"
Katy rolled over a little. "I'm doing alright." She said quietly.
Callen pulled the nurse to the side, away from Katy's ears. "She passed a large clot, was it one of the babies?"
"Let me look at it." The nurse said as she followed him into the bathroom. "I'm so sorry Mr. Callen. We never know why these things happen. Have you and your wife discussed what you'd like to do with the fetuses?"
Callen looked back at Katy curled into a ball. "Is there any way to keep them for burial or something like that?"
The nurse saw the tears in his eyes and placed a reassuring hand on his forearm. "Of course, we can even arrange for them to be transferred to a funeral home in LA if you so choose."
Callen choked back the tears and paused for a moment before answering. "Thank you."
"You're very welcome. We're going to be moving your wife up to a room in about an hour. Who outside would you like me or the doctor to speak to about your wife?" she asked.
"Either Mr. and Mrs. Hanna or Hetty Lange; she's our boss and a bit of a mother figure." He told her.
"Alright, would you like a grief counselor to come in and talk with you?" she asked.
"We actually have a psychologist available to us at work. He couldn't attend the wedding, but I'm sure he's been notified of the situation and is on his way." Callen told her.
"You just got married last night?" the nurse asked horrified.
Callen gave a brief smile. "No we eloped in June, yesterday was supposed to be our wedding date. Our friends threw us a wedding and reception last night."
"Oh, Mr. Callen. I'm so very sorry. If it's any consolation, I've had several miscarriages myself. They're never easy to get over. It hurts less over time." She told him.
"My wife already lost her first daughter six years ago, she was twelve." Callen told her.
"Oh no, I'm sure this is the last thing she needed. Are you sure you don't want me to get a grief counselor or priest for you. I know Father Reggie is in the waiting room."
"Actually, Father Reggie is one of her best friends. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea for him to come back." Callen told her.
"I'll get him right away." She said and walked out of the area.
"Father Reggie, Mr. and Mrs. Hanna or Hetty Lange?" The nurse said appearing in the doorway of the triage area.
Michelle rolled her sleeping daughter off her lap and stood. She, Sam, Hetty and Reggie all walked towards her. "How's Katy?" Michelle asked.
"Unfortunately, Mrs. Callen has already passed one of the fetuses; we weren't able to stop her from miscarrying." She said with a pained look on her face.
"Oh no." Michelle said softly as she leaned into Sam. "I can't believe this."
"How are she and Callen doing?" Reggie asked.
"Actually Mr. Callen asked that you go back to speak with them." She told him.
Reggie nodded, "Yes of course."
"We're going to be moving them to a room upstairs in about an hour. Mr. Callen has requested to keep the fetuses for burial." She told them.
"Alright, I'll make the arrangements when they decide the final arrangements for the babies." Hetty told her.
"Let me get back in to check on them, Father Reggie did you want to follow me?" she asked.
"I'll give them your best wishes." He said before he disappeared.
Callen was sitting on the edge of the bed holding Katy through another contraction when Reggie walked in. Callen dropped his head and shook it as he cried. Reggie walked over to him and hugged him. "I'm so sorry Callen. We don't know why God does things like this to us."
Katy was sobbing at the sight of Callen reduced to tears. "I'm so sorry, Callen. I must've done something wrong, something I shouldn't have."
"No Katy, these things happen. It's God's way of telling us you either weren't ready or that there was something wrong with the babies. Don't blame this on yourself. You did everything you were supposed to do and you loved them so much. You should be proud of that." He told her, laying his hand on her shoulder.
"No, I'm being punished for something I did or didn't do." Katy sobbed.
Callen turned to her and covered her with his chest, hugging her. "No it was nothing you did; you can't blame yourself for this."
Katy grabbed tight to his shirt smelling him, trying to calm herself as another contraction came. "No they're inside me; I'm the one carrying them. It's my fault."
By the time Katy was moved to her room, she'd passed the second fetus. Devastated, she just laid in the bed emotionless. Reggie stayed with them through the move and for a couple hours after. He felt useless. Everything he tried to tell Katy made her withdrawal more into herself. He could see her faith wavering. Callen was trying to be strong for Katy, but he saw the situation wearing on him too. By the time he left their room to take Ana and the kids home, Sam and Michelle were there to take over.
Katy sat and cried as Michelle held her hand. Sam and Callen had walked to the window. Silently, they stood side by side until finally Callen spoke. "I'm afraid of what this is going to do to her. I was afraid of physically losing her, but I'm more afraid of losing her mentally now. Do you know if anyone called Nate?"
"Hetty called him; he should be here later this morning." Sam told him. "How are you doing?"
"I'm upset, but I'm hanging in there. Katy's my main concern." He told him.
"G I'm sorry." He said putting his hand gently on Callen's back.
"I know, thank you Sam." He said.
Within two hours, Hetty and Kensi were waiting to take over so Sam and Michelle could get the kids back to the hotel. Katy fell to pieces when Hetty walked in and over to her bedside. Hetty gently brushed her hair as she sobbed, whispering to her. Kensi and Callen watched from the windows. She could see he'd been crying and could do nothing but offer him a hug, which he gladly took.
"She's going to need you now more than ever. I'm sure there's going to be things she'll talk to you about easier than she would me." He told her with his chin resting on her shoulder.
"We're here for you too, Callen." She told him, feeling his weight on her frame.
He pulled away with tears in his eyes. "I just don't understand why this happened. They were fine Christmas Eve. She felt them move. I even felt a twitch."
"I'm sorry; I don't know what to say or do to make you feel better." She admitted.
"Just you being here is a comfort, Kens." He told her.
The doctor came in several times during the day to check on her. By noon, he'd pulled in an ultrasound machine to make sure she'd passed both fetuses safely and nothing was left. Katy and Callen both cried when the doctor told her both were gone. The man apologized several times, telling them that he and his wife lost several pregnancies. Callen thanked him before he left the room. Katy was released the following day. Most of Katy's family had left. Gibbs and his team were due to leave New Years Eve.
Those that were left had gathered at Reggie and Ana's; a sort of wake one could say. Katy and Callen hadn't discussed what they were going to do with the babies, it was too fresh and hurt too much to think about. When they walked in with Sam and Michelle, they were greeted with so many warm hugs and words of sympathy. Katy was numb. She sat in the parlor just staring at nothing, when someone would talk to her, she would talk, but her heart just wasn't in it.
An hour later, she disappeared upstairs. Callen saw her leave and followed her up a few minutes later. He found her curled up on the bed holding the bears they'd made earlier that week. He got on the bed and lay behind her holding both her and the bears. Kissing her cheek softly, she snuggled into him.
"Please don't leave me." She sobbed.
"I'm not going to leave you, now or ever." He promised.
"I'm so sorry." She said. "I don't know why it happened."
"Katy, the doctor said he saw no reason why we can't try again in a couple months." He reminded her.
She shook her head. "No, I'm too afraid we'll lose that baby too."
"We will keep trying until we have a baby. We can't give in after the first miscarriage." He told her.
Katy tightened her grip on his arms. "I love you Callen."
"God Katy, I love you too. We're going to get through this." He said, kissing her cheek again.
There was a knock at the door, Callen rolled over to find Director Vance standing on the landing. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to interrupt. I wanted to speak to the two of you alone for a couple minutes."
Katy wiped her tears and sat up, watching the director walk to the settee and sit down. "No one knows this, but Jackie and I had a couple miscarriages in the beginning. They're hard, but you need to remember you still have one another. No matter how desolate and alone you feel you still have each other."
"I'm so sorry." Katy told him.
"You're supposed to be back at work next week. I would like to offer you a couple weeks extra if you need it. No questions asked, just let Hetty know. It will be off the books, it won't affect your leave accumulation at all." He told them.
Katy offered up as much of a smile as she could. "Thank you, I appreciate that. We'll see how the rest of this week goes and we'll let you know."
"You're welcome. I know you think that getting back to work right away would be the best possible thing, but take my advice, it's not. I tried to go back to work too soon after Jackie. I screwed myself up worse in the long run." He told them.
"We'll take that into consideration." Callen said.
"Don't forget about Nate, he's here for you too." He said.
"I've been avoiding Nate. I know he's downstairs, but I don't feel like being psycho-analyzed right now." Katy laughed.
The director smiled. "Yeah, it is kind of annoying, isn't it? I'll let you two have some more time alone. Don't stay up here too long, everyone down there is really worried about the two of you. Myself included."
"We can do back down it you want." Katy told Callen.
"Are you sure?" He asked, surprised.
"As long as no one minds me bringing them along." She said holding up the bears.
"Of course not." Callen told her kissing her temple.
Together, the three walked down the stairs and back to the group. Katy for some reason, felt better after talking to the director. In the last twenty-four to thirty-six hours, she'd met more people who'd suffered miscarriages than she ever thought they would. There was a quiet camaraderie and understanding amongst them. Even though all the stories and situations were different, they all suffered a loss and all could sympathize. This time, they stayed downstairs until the last guest left and even remained downstairs talking with Reggie, Ana and the kids until they went to bed for the night. Mary asked Callen before she went to bed if they wanted her so sleep with them tonight. Callen nearly cried and told her he'd get her if Katy agreed.
Like clockwork, the little girl and her brother and sister checked on them every two hours. When it was time for Katy to take another pain pill, they were right there with the bottle and a glass of water. By morning, all three kids were snuggled with them in bed. Reggie and Ana panicked when none of the kids were in their own beds. They ran up to Callen and Katy's room to see if they'd seen the kids and were thankful when the five of them were asleep together. He closed the door and went down with Ana to make coffee.
"Do you think they'll make it through this?" Ana asked him as she sat at the island watching him fill the carafe with water.
He paused for a moment and though about it. "I think so; they're both incredibly strong, if anything it will bring them closer. They've been inseparable since they left the hospital."
"What about when they go back to LA?" She asked.
He smiled. "Honestly Honey, I don't think we've got anything to worry about. These things happen for a reason. Something better is on its way to them, I can feel it."
"What can be better than a baby, Reggie?" Ana asked.
"I don't know, but I feel good things are coming to them. We just have to have faith." He smiled and leaned over the sink to kiss her.
"Do you think Katy will lose her faith after this? I mean first Kari and your parents and now the twins?" She asked.
"Katy has enough faith to move mountains. They'll come out of this better than ever." He told her.
"Yes we will." Katy said from the doorway, actually smiling.
"Katy, we didn't wake you when we closed the door did we?" Reggie asked.
"No, I was already away, enjoying the kids." She told them.
"You look good, honey." Ana said.
"I actually don't feel too bad. I know it's going to take time to get through, but strangely, I'm at peace with it right at this moment." She smiled and hugged her sister. "I don't know what I'd do without you guys."
"We love you Katy, we'd do anything for you." Ana told her.
Callen walked into the kitchen and hugged the two women hugging one another. "A nice Katy sandwich, want to make it a Katy and Ana sandwich?"
Katy leaned back and kissed Callen. "Good morning Honey."
"Good morning. How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Not bad." She smiled when she turned to face him. "You and the kids took good care of me last night."
He caressed her cheek and shook his head. "We're going to be alright, aren't we?"
Katy pulled him to her. "Yes, we're going to be just fine. It may take a little bit of time, but we're going to be okay."
"I hope so." He said kissing her.
"We need to talk about what we're going to do. Do we want to bury them here in San Francisco, down in LA or do we want to have them cremated?" she asked.
Callen sighed; he didn't think Katy would be ready for this conversation quite yet. "I don't know. What were you thinking?"
"They have special necklaces that you can put ashes in, I was thinking we could have the babies cremated, we both could get one of the pendants and the rest of their ashes we can put in their bears." She suggested.
Reggie smiled. "That sounds like a good idea."
"I like it." Callen agreed. "We might not be able to wear the necklaces at work, but we'll always have them with us."
"Okay?" she asked.
"Okay." He agreed. "Hetty wanted to take care of that for us."
"No, I want us to do it. Hetty's done so much for us already." She said leaning into his chest, wishing she was just a little shorter so she could rest her head on his chest.
"Reggie, have you ever heard of these necklaces or do you know where we can get them?" Callen asked.
"Yes, I've got a friend that makes them; we can talk to one of the funeral homes today if you want." Reggie suggested.
"Would that be okay with you, or do you want to rest another day?" Callen asked Katy.
Katy walked over to the coffee pot and finished making coffee, thinking the whole time. "I guess it would be okay to get it done now. I can rest afterwards."
"Yeah, but the doctor said not to do too much right away. Remember what Director Vance said too. We need to let this sink in for a while if we make brash decisions now, we might regret it later. Make sure this is what we want to do." Callen said walking to her side.
Katy's back was already hurting, as were her legs. Something the doctor told her would happen with the medication he gave her. She bent over the island, Callen started rubbing her back. "I don't know, Honey. It comes down to do we want to have to go to a cemetery to see them or do we want to always have them with us?"
When she stood, he kissed her shoulder. "What do you want? You always come back at least once a year to see Kari, do you want to see the twins too?"
Katy sighed, "I don't know, honestly. Maybe it would be better to bury them instead of having them cremated."
"Why don't we take it easy today, think about it and figure it out tomorrow." He said.
Katy leaned into him. "Alright."
"Go sit down, I'll bring you a cup of coffee." He told her swatting her butt.
"Okay." She said and went into the living room and sat looking at the tree.
She thought of the joy she felt just days ago and the possibilities that were before them. When Callen brought her a cup of coffee, she was in tears. He sat on the arm of the couch as she placed her head in his lap and cried. Reggie and Ana watched from the entry. Callen brushed her hair from her face before he got up and walked to sit next to her on the couch. They talked for a while about the things they wouldn't get to enjoy in the coming months and the lack of firsts.
"This is a first for us, Katy." He told her. "This is the first of the challenges of marriage and parenthood."
"I know I just wanted them so badly. I wanted to hold them and kiss them and count their little fingers and toes. We can't even give them names because they weren't old enough to show their gender." She said.
"There's got to be a way it can be figured out. We'll talk to Duckie, see what he says." He told her.
"Alright I'm so sorry our first pregnancy ended like this." She told him.
"I'm sure the next pregnancy will be a good one and we'll get a beautiful baby at the end." He assured her.
"What happens if we never have a successful pregnancy?" she asked.
"I guess it just means we were never meant to be parents." He said.
Katy sat silent thinking about Kari. "Maybe it's punishment for giving Kari up?"
"Stop talking like that. We decided to give Katy to my parent's because they could give her more than we could." Reggie said as he walked into the room.
Katy's eyes filled with tears again. "Then why, why did we lose the babies?"
"I don't know, no one but God knows." He told her.
"You know what, not everything in the world is controlled by God. Sometimes there is a logical or scientific reason shit happens." She spat.
"Katy, I know you're upset." He began to say, but Katy cut him off.
"Of course I'm upset. I feel like my heart's been ripped out of my chest. I look at the sadness in my husband's eyes and wonder if there was something I could've done to prevent it. If God is so mighty and powerful why did he take Kari so young and why did he take the twins? Don't tell me it's because he needed more angels. You're philosophical and religious bullshit is getting old." She said, got up and walked out of the room.
Everyone was stunned by Katy's outburst. "I'm so sorry Reggie. I've never seen her like his." Callen said as he got up to follow her.
"Anger; it's one of the stages of grieving. It's normal. I highly doubt she means any of it. She'll calm down." He assures Callen.
They heard the bedroom door slam. Moments later Mary, Little Reggie and Cassandra walked into the room. By the looks on their faces, they too had never seen Katy like this. Mary ran to Callen and climbed up into his lap. He held the girl tight in his arms before he kissed her cheek and sat her on the couch next to him.
"Is she okay?" Mary asked.
"No she's not. She's trying to understand why this happened." Callen told her.
"You should go be with her." She told him.
"You want to come with me?" He asked her.
Mary looked at her father and back to Callen. "Do you think I can help?"
"Your hugs are really good at making people feel better, why don't you go give her a few hugs." Reggie told her.
"Ok, I'll try. I just don't want to make Katy mad." She told everyone.
Callen scooped Mary into his arms and carried her up the stairs. When they got to the landing, they heard Katy crying. Callen took a deep breath before he opened the door, prepared for anything. Mary motioned for Callen to put her down and she slowly walked to Katy's side and climbed up on the side of the bed. Katy rolled over to face her and pulled her into bed with her.
"I love you Auntie." She told her.
"I love you too Mary. More than you'll ever know." She said softly.
"You know what I think?" Mary said.
"What's that?" Katy asked.
"I think Kari made you forget about her Christmas Eve and early Christmas morning because she knew you didn't have much more time with the twins. She was probably there to meet them when they went to heaven." She told Katy.
Thinking about what Mary had just said, the tears fell again. "Oh Mary, what would I do without you?" Katy sighed. "I'm just so scared."
"Of what?"
"That we'll never have baby and that Uncle will leave me because I can't have a baby." Katy told her not knowing Callen was in the room listening.
"He'd never leave you, he loves you too much. He needs you just like you need him. You need to remember he lost the babies too and I think he's afraid he's going to lose you too. I heard Sam talking about it yesterday, Uncle's afraid of losing you both physically and emotionally or something like that."
"I think Uncle's afraid I'm going to run away again, but if I run away it's going to be with him." She smiled, trying to reassure the child that she wasn't going anywhere but back to LA.
"You'd come back, right you wouldn't be gone forever?"
"Of course. Callen and I are going to have to go home at some point. We're going to have to face the empty house and the fact that we aren't going to have the babies." Katy told her.
"I wish I could go with you."
"Why? You belong here with your Daddy and Ana and Little Reggie and Cassi. Aren't you happy here?" Katy asked.
"I am, but I miss you when you and Uncle aren't here."
"We are just a phone call away." Katy reminded her.
"Yeah, but Daddy won't let me call sometimes when you're at work."
"What time do you go to bed?" Katy asked.
"Eight."
Katy reached over and grabbed her phone off the night stand. "I'm going to set my alarm for seven thirty, when it goes off and Uncle and I aren't in the middle of a case, we will call you."
Mary smiled, "And you'll just talk to me?"
"We will talk to you for a few minutes and then to anyone else, who wants to talk to us, okay?" She asked.
Mary nodded. "Sounds good."
Katy heard footsteps cross the room to the bed and felt someone get in bed. Just by his smell, she knew immediately it was Callen. He wrapped his arms around them and hugged them tight.
"So you two are up here making plans without me?" he joked.
"No, you were there the whole time Uncle. You heard every word we said."
"Is Reggie mad at me for my outburst?" She asked.
"No Daddy knows you didn't mean it. He knows your heart hurts. Sometimes he tries to push what he believes on everyone else, but the only reason he does it to you is because he loves you so much."
"I should go apologize to him. It was very rude of me to talk to him like that." Katy told them.
"Katy he understands where you're coming from." Callen told her.
They doorbell rang and all three of them stopped and listened to the voices. "It's Nate." Katy said.
"Do you want to talk to him?" Callen asked.
"I don't know." She said getting up. "Might as well go down stairs, I'm going to get dresses."
Callen and Mary went down stairs giving Katy some privacy. When they got to the entry, Nate was standing at the base of the stairs. "How are you doing Callen?" He asked.
"Hanging in there, Nate." He said shaking Nate's hand. "Katy will be down in a minute, she wanted to put on something other than pajamas."
"Oh, it would've been fine. Hetty just asked me to stop by to check on you two before I head back to LA. How is she?" He asked.
"She's angry. She snapped at me this morning." Reggie told him.
Nate nodded, understanding. "What did she say?"
"Basically, she's questioning her faith, doesn't understand why it happened. She told me my philosophical and religious views were getting annoying." He laughed.
"No, I said the philosophical and religious bullshit was getting old and I apologize for that." Katy said from the second floor landing.
"It's alright Katy; I know you didn't mean it." Reggie smiled up at her.
"It still remains to be seen on whether or not I meant it." She laughed.
"Well, you seem like you're in good spirits." Nate told her.
"It's a roller coaster; one minute I'm okay with it, the next I'm in tears and then in the next breath I feel like I want to rip someone's head off. I remember it all with Kari's death." She told him as she joined them in the entry.
"And it's all normal." Nate told her. "I know the Director gave you both a couple extra weeks off before you come back to work. He's asked me to evaluate your mindset before you return, would you mind if I met with you once a week or as often as you're comfortable with between now and your return?"
"I don't mind." Katy told him.
"Neither do I, I guess." Callen said.
"Do you want to talk for a few minutes?" Nate asked.
"Honestly, we've been talking to the little six year old psychologist." Katy told him as she pulled Mary to her side.
"Really?" Nate smiled and sat down on the steps to look her eye to eye. "What have you been doing?"
"I've been giving lots of hugs and Auntie told me what she was afraid of and I told her they always have me." She smiled innocently.
Nate smiled. "Hmm, lots of hugs? I think that will be good until they get home to LA. Would you mind me taking over for a while after they get home?"
Mary put her hand on Nate's shoulder. "Yes please, as long as I get my auntie and uncle back."
"I promise, it may be a while, but you will get them back." Nate told her.
"Ok, good." Mary said.
"Well, since you've got a handle on things here and I've got a flight to catch I'll leave you too it, alright?" Nate said standing.
"Have a good flight Nate, thank you for stopping by. I think we're in good hands." Callen told him.
As Nate left, Katy decided to rejoin everyone in the living room. She didn't talk much, just listened to the conversation. Callen sat on one side of her and Mary on the other. When breakfast was ready, Katy picked at it. Had a few bites of eggs and only one piece of bacon, Callen knew it was off that she only sipped at her coffee, leaving the nearly full cup on the table. She did the same at lunch and dinner. By the time bedtime rolled around, Callen was very worried about her.
"Honey, you need to eat more." He told her as they cuddled in bed.
"I'm not hungry." She told him just as her stomach growled.
"Really, you're not hungry?" he kind of laughed.
"I'm hungry, but I don't feel like eating. Does that make any sense?" She asked him.
"It makes perfect sense." He told her. "Reggie asked me how long we were going to be staying, do we want to stay for at least another week or do you want to go home?"
"Tomorrow's New Year's Eve. The kids go back to school on the fifth. I really don't want to be in the way when the kids are getting ready for school." She told him.
"Reggie said we wouldn't be in the way. I raised that concern myself." He told her.
"I don't know. I guess we can leave on the tenth, then go home, we'll have a week before we have to get ready to go back to work ourselves. Well, after Nate clears us." She said.
Katy tried to be as festive about the changing of the calendar year as possible. For a year that held so much promise, it was going to be heartbreaking. Katy stayed downstairs as long as she could before she retreated back to the third floor. By ten o' clock Callen and Mary were up there with her. They watched a little TV and were in bed asleep by the time Reggie, Ana and the other two kids were welcoming in the New Year.
Over the next week and a half, Katy spend at least an hour a day at the cemetery just staring at Kari's headstone, trying to decide whether to bury the twins with their sister or if they should cremate them and place some of their ashes in the bears they'd made for them. On Sunday the fourth after church, Callen had the perfect solution; cremate them, separate the ashes, place some in the stuffed bears and the pendants and bury the rest with Kari, adding a small headstone or at least add them to Kari's. Katy agreed and they headed into the church to talk it Reggie about it to see if it was even possible.
They still had no idea whether to give them names or whether to just leave it as the Callen Twins. It was Mary and Sam's daughter who solved it for them. Since Sam's daughter had been the one to tell them they were going to have twins, they asked her if she knew whether they'd be boys or girls. She told them there would've been one of each. Mary helped pick the names. The girl was given the name Polina Clara Callen after their Callen and Katy's mothers and the boy was named George Artur after Callen's grandfather and Katy's half-brother. The only other thing that would be on the headstone would be the date; December twenty-eighth.
They talked to Hetty throughout the week, letting her know what they'd chosen to do with the remains of the twins, she offered multiple times to take care of it for them, but they insisted on paying for it themselves. By Friday when everyone arrived for the funeral, the babies had been transferred to the funeral home. The two sets of ashes were given to Callen and Katy; they poured a small amount of the ashes into the capsules for the bears and some into the pendants. They also agreed to pour some off to take back to LA with them. A hole was dug a foot from the headstone, down to the top of Kari's casket.
It was a cold Saturday morning, with their friends, family and some of the parishioners gathered around them, they placed the small box with their ashes in the ground and tossed handfuls of dirt on top of it. Katy cried through the entire service. Callen and Mary never left her side. Sam, Michelle, Kensi and Deeks; deemed the babies God-parents place the plaque on Kari's headstone. Afterwards, they all headed back to Reggie's house. All of the food was provided by the parishioners, everything from casseroles and finger sandwiches to cakes, pies and cookies.
Callen had gone to the Mall earlier in the week and returned the maternity clothes Katy had purchased so they weren't staring her in the face as a constant reminder. She was thankful he had as she packed to ride home with Kensi and Deeks. The majority of the guests left at five, leaving only the team behind, so they could run upstairs and start packing. When they came back down, the kids were running and playing, it was the first time since losing the pregnancy that Katy smiled a true, genuine smile.
"Do you really have to go?" Mary asked as she sat on the bed while Katy and Callen packed the rest of their toiletries.
"You know we do honey." Katy told her.
"You're still going to call me at seven thirty to talk to me every night?" she asked.
"My phone's gone off every night hasn't it?" Katy asked.
"Yes it has, I just wanted to make sure." She said.
"Alright Mary, that's the last of it. We're ready to head out." Katy told her.
Immediately, the child stood on the bed and wrapped her arms around Katy's neck. "I'm going to miss you."
"I'm going to miss you too, but remember you guys are coming down for Easter. You get to see everything we've done to the house. Hopefully by that time, I'll have the backyard planted." She told her.
"So we can do an Easter Egg hunt?" Mary asked.
"Yup, the best egg hunt ever." Katy told her.
"Are you ready for this to go downstairs?" Callen asked.
"Yes Honey, I am. You take the bag and I'll take Mary." She said.
When they got downstairs, Kensi and Deeks were waiting. Callen handed Deeks the bag so he could put it in the car. Katy and Callen said their goodbyes and headed out to the car. Mary called three times before they even got on the freeway and another eight to ten times before they hit LA. Like Katy had promised, she called when they got home at five and again at seven thirty to say good night.
Callen started a fire and turned on their tree; they ordered pizza and settled on the couch to watch TV. By eleven, they'd fallen asleep and woke at seven the next morning. Nate called around nine asking if he could come over, they planned on noon. Katy made lunch and barely ate a half of a sandwich. Nate took mental note of it. While Katy was cleaning up, Nate talked with Callen.
"So how are you doing?" He asked.
"I'm okay, I'm sad. Really worried about Katy though, she's not having nightmares, but she's not sleeping very well." Callen told him.
"I saw that she didn't eat very much." Nate commented.
"We ordered pizza last night when we got back and she took only two bites before she sat it down. She's not even drinking coffee, barely drinks water." He said.
"She seems very depressed." Nate surmised.
"That's my guess too. Reggie said she was like this when Kari and his parents died. She blamed herself then just like she's doing now. No matter what I tell her, she doesn't get it through that thick head of hers that it's nothing she did."
"I'm positive she knows that, she's just searching for a reason, someone or something to blame. It's typical with a loss like this. The one question she'll go to the ends of the earth to answer is why, why did it happen." Nate explained. "Are you at all worried that she'll run off again?"
"I was at first, but not anymore. Every night since the miscarriage, she holds on to me for dear life; asleep or not. I know she's not going anywhere." He said and remembered what he heard Katy tell Mary. "In fact, she told Mary that she'd runaway with me if she was going to run away."
Nate smiled and nodded. "Good, very good. Would you mind if I talk with Katy alone for a while?"
"No, I don't. I'll be in my office if you need me." Callen told him.
Nate got up from the table and walked into the kitchen, seating himself at the island. "So how are you doing Katy?"
She stopped and looked at him, shaking her head. "I feel like I'm falling apart. It hurts so bad." She told him fighting the tears. "I just want to know why?"
"All normal feelings." Nate told her.
"I know, I remember it all from when Kari died. Never did I ever think I'd bury another child, let alone two more." She told him wiping the tears.
"You do know that it was nothing you did or didn't do, right?" he asked.
"Of course I know that and Callen's tried to pound that into my head. I know it was nothing I did; I know that there was something wrong with the pregnancy or the babies themselves. It still doesn't make it any easier."
"No it doesn't. Do you think you're ready to go back to work next week?" he asked.
"I don't know. I'm sure I'll be fine, just a little overly emotional maybe."
"Do you think you could control your emotions during a case?" He asked.
"At this point, I honestly don't know. I'm still trying to master not crying every five minutes." She told him.
"At least you can admit it. Let's see how the rest of the week goes. I'd like to meet with you and Callen again on Wednesday and then again on Friday. I'll decide from there if you're ready to return to full duty. When do you go back in to see the doctor?" he asked.
"I go in tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure I'll be put on light duty for a couple weeks."
"Alright, let me know how it goes. I'll let you and Callen enjoy the rest of the afternoon. Thank you for lunch and if you need to talk, you can call me." He told her.
"I will Nate, thank you." She said walking around the island to give him a hug.
"I really am very sorry, Katy. I know how much you wanted the babies." He said hugging her, she felt thin and frail in his arms. When she stepped back, he noticed that her clothes were just hanging on her. "Please try to eat a little more."
"I will try." She told him. "Let me tell Callen you're leaving."
"No, don't worry about it. Don't bother him. I'll see you guys on Wednesday." He said as he stepped out the door.
Katy walked to Callen's office door and knocked before she opened it. He was sitting at the desk; Katy walked over and rested her chin on the hop of his head, wrapping her arms around his neck. He swung the chair around and pulled her onto his lap.
"You okay?" he asked.
"I think so." She told him putting her arm around him.
"I love you Katy." He said kissing her collarbone.
"I love you too, Callen." She said kissing his temple.
"What would you like to do the rest of the afternoon?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know." She smiled. "I kind of like the idea of cuddling in bed."
"What would you think about getting another cat or maybe a dog?" He asked.
"Are we going to be one of those couples who get an animal every time we have a miscarriage?" she laughed.
He smiled at her. "No, I really miss Callie. You have to admit that it would be nice to come home to an animal. Why don't we go over to the Humane Society and just look? If nothing else, we get out of the house for an hour or two."
Katy sighed. "Alright, we can look."
They walked through the dog pens first knowing neither of them was truly interested in getting a dog. There weren't many puppies, but the ones that were there were adorable and begging for attention. Callen and Katy were allowed to play with a few of them for a while. One in particular was a little standoffish. He was shy, but when Katy picked him up he settled right into Katy's arms. She hated to have to put him back in the pen.
There were so many kittens available to adopt. A couple calicos and several striped kittens. A little black kitten and it's sibling a stark white kitten caught their eye. Callen picked up the black one while Katy held the white. Both of the kittens howled and meowed for the other. The volunteer told them that the kittens hadn't been separated since they were born six weeks before and that they'd prefer to adopt them out as a set.
"They sleep cuddled together, they share their food. They really are inseparable." She said.
"Here's take the black one, let's see what they do." Callen said passing Katy the black kitten.
He settled right in with his sister and licked the side of her face. Callen and Katy were totally enamored with the pair. "They're so cute." Katy cooed.
"What do you say? Do you want to get the kittens?" Callen asked seeing the joy in Katy's face.
The kittens must have known she was the deciding factor and began licking Katy's nose as she looked down on them. "Can we take them home tonight?" she asked.
"I think so; they've already been spayed and neutered. Let me check their files." She said and walked away.
"They're adorable." Katy said with tears in her eyes. "Do you think it's too soon?"
"No I don't think so." He said scratching under the black ones chin. "They're too cute to pass up. What are we going to name them?"
"I don't know. They may have to be nameless until we get a good idea of their personalities." She told him.
The volunteer walked back in. "You can take them home tonight; we just need you to fill out some paperwork and there is a small fee. Have you ever owned a cat?"
"Yes, our cat died last year. We still have her litter box and bed." Katy told her.
"What happened to her?" The woman asked.
"She was very old." Callen said trying not to give away too much of what happened for fear they wouldn't let them adopt the kittens if they knew the truth.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Aren't you happy you saved everything?" She smiled. "Do you have names picked out for the kittens?"
"No not yet, I want to get a better idea of their personalities first." Katy smiled.
"If you'll follow me, we'll get started on that paperwork." She said leading them to the offices.
The Humane Society gave them a cardboard carrier for the kittens, but as soon as Katy got in the car, she took them out and put them on her lap. They settled in and fell asleep. They stopped by the pet store to get collars and food along with miscellaneous toys for them. So many other shoppers stopped them to give them a quick pet or recommend products or toys. They wound up walking out of the store with almost a hundred dollars worth of stuff for the kittens. Katy drove home so Callen could hold the kittens, she love the look on his face when they climbed their way up his chest to nibble on his chin.
They got a lot of strange looks and fingers pointed at them when they stopped at red lights and when they stopped for dinner; the entire crew was at the window looking at the kittens. For the first time in weeks, they were happy. When they got home and ate the kittens were everywhere, climbing up the couch, the drapes and knocking stuff off the coffee table. At seven thirty, they called Mary and told her all about the kittens. She was so excited and couldn't wait to meet them. When she asked their names, she offered a few suggestions when they didn't have one.
They closed the door to their bedroom and left the bathroom light on when they went to bed. Both of the kittens had used the litter box once already, so they knew where it was. In the middle of the night, they woke in the middle of the night to find the kittens curled up between them. At two in the morning, the little black kitten began howling. Katy rolled over and put him on the floor. He walked under the bed and into the bathroom. Katy and Callen laughed that such a foul smell could come from such a tiny creature. As soon as the kitten walked out of the bathroom, Callen was scooping the smoker out and dumped it in the toilet. Katy begged him to spray air freshener before he got back in bed.
Like a flash, the black kitten was up on the bed and in Callen's spot. Callen scooped him up and laid him next to his sister before getting back in bed. The kittens settled back in and fell asleep for a while. At six they woke up Katy and Callen when they were wrestling around on the bed. No matter how many times they were separated, they went right back to playing. Katy put her hand under the covers and played with them for a while, forgetting how sharp and needle like their nails and teeth were.
"Are you guy's hungry?" Katy asked.
"I'll make a pot of coffee if you want to feed the cats." Callen said.
"Sure, come on guys." She said and they jumped off the bed chasing her into the kitchen.
For the first time in weeks, Katy drank her cup of coffee and ate breakfast. Callen was pleased. By Wednesday when Nate came back over, the kittens had taken over the house. While the three sat eating lunch, the kittens tore through the house playing. Toys flew through the air or across the floor. Nate was pleased to see Katy eating and smiling again. Callen admitted that she still had her moments, but for the most part, she was back to her old self.
Callen was released to go back to work on Friday, Nate wanted Katy to stay out for another week to see if she truly was doing better or if it was just a front. By Wednesday of the following week, Katy was back to a routing. She was running every day and ate regularly, though; she still slept all day and all night when given the opportunity. When Nate reported back to Hetty, he suggested the possibility of putting Katy on an anti-depressant. Hetty considered it and ask him to have Katy see an additional counselor for a second opinion. Nate made the arrangements and Katy agreed to see the other doctor.
The doctor agreed with Nate's observation and Katy was prescribed a low dose of an anti-depressant. She didn't like the idea, but took it simply because Callen asked her to try it. He admitted that he felt she didn't need it, but that she should try it anyway. Within two weeks, Katy was back at work and feeling good. When she met with Nate twice a week, she reported back to him that she didn't like the way the medication made her feel. At first, she had a difficult time controlling her emotions, now it felt like she had none.