A/N: I'm so sorry for the late update, but my time has not been my own these past weeks. But finally it's here, the latest chapter of "Remember Me". It's called "Plans, plots and confessions" and serves as a bridge between the first and the second part of the story. I hope you'll enjoy the read!
Once again I'd like to thank all the readers who took the time to leave a comment. That really means a lot to me and I wish I had the time to write thank-you messages to all of you. But as you know I'm very busy, so I'll just say it again right now: THANK YOU SO MUCH, MINNA!
Chapter 4
"Your son is going to be alright", doctor Asano said matter-of-factly to Takumi's parents who were waiting outside their son's room. "I've given him a light sedative in order to ease his agitation and anxiety and he is slowly calming down." "Thank you sensei," Hayama senior replied and bowed respectfully as did his wife. "We're sorry that our son is causing you so much trouble and we are very much obliged to you for your diligence and care." "You're welcome," the health professional stated politely, but had a somewhat stern and cold undertone in his voice, "and if you don't mind I'd like to have a word with you about Hayama-kun." Takumi's parents nodded in agreement and hesitantly followed their son's attending physician into his office.
"Well," the doctor began once he was seated at his desk. "Your son's physical condition is improving daily and due to the long bed rest he will undergo a short rehabilitation from tomorrow onwards, light exercises to strengthen his weakened muscles to a certain degree. If there are no further complications he can be discharged by the end of the week. However, as a result of his amnesia and his fear of human contact his mental condition remains a little delicate." "I understand," Takumi's father replied straight-faced.
"Just now, when I checked on him Hayama-kun was very upset and definitely riled at something, but he wouldn't tell me anything," doctor Asano continued slyly. "As his attending physician I consider it my duty to find out what caused my patient to show such an extreme reaction because he is usually a calm and even-tempered person. Did you say anything to him, maybe unconsciously, that could have fueled his anger?"
"Ano, we only told him about our decision that we would apply to his school to grant him a temporary leave of absence after his discharge and that we would take him back home to Shizuoka with us until he has fully recovered," Mrs. Hayama explained hesitantly. "Did you ask your son about his opinion and his feelings concerning this matter or did you make that decision without telling him anything and confronted him with an accomplished fact," the health professional asked bluntly, irritation beginning to well up inside of him.
"We didn't think it necessary to include our son in the process of making this decision," Takumi's father stated. "I think that because of his delicate mental condition he wouldn't have been able to be sensible and to discuss this subject in a rational manner." "I see," the other man replied sternly. "If that's the case I'm no longer surprised at Hayama-kun's earlier outburst." "We are only doing what we think is best for our son under the present circumstances," the boy's mother exclaimed in defense.
"Mrs. Hayama, I have no doubt about that and I don't mean to accuse you or blame you in any way, but you have to understand that, as far as I'm concerned, my patient's feelings and wishes are just as important as yours, if not even more so because they have a significant influence on his recovery process," doctor Asano explained factually, successfully hiding his anger about Takumi's parents' insensitivity and their unfeeling response to their son's needs behind a face of professional indifference. "And I must to tell you that, from the medical point of view, I decidedly object to your decision and that I have to strongly council against it."
"Why is that," Hayama senior asked slightly upset. "First of all, your son seems to be dead set against the idea of returning home with you," the other man stated matter-of-factly. "To take him back to your house in Shizuoka against his will, will most likely have the opposite effect of the one you intend. Forcing him to stay in a place where he doesn't want to be or where he feels uncomfortable will beyond any doubt result in a significant slow-down of Hayama-kun's healing process and in the worst case in a complete standstill. In addition there might be other side-effects such as the development of a serious depression or another phobia which would do anything but aid his recovery. In fact your son has already shown signs of a depression recently due to his long confinement to the bed. It was only when I informed him that he would be allowed to leave it temporarily this week and that he would be discharged soon that his spirits slowly improved again."
Takumi's attending physician fell silent for a moment to allow his words to sink in, keenly observing the reactions of the boy's parents before he continued his depiction in a businesslike manner. "Furthermore it is scientifically proven that for patients with retrograde amnesia the best and most efficient method to trigger their memories is to allow them to go back to the daily routine of the life they had been living before the incident responsible for their memory loss occurred while letting them remain under the close observation and care of a physician. To put it plainly, the best way for your son to make him remember and recover from his amnesia is to let him return to Shidou Gakuin and to let him resume his life as a student there. The familiar surroundings of the campus, the life in the dormitory, the presence of his friends and classmates as well as the daily routine of attending classes, club activities and so on will definitely stimulate his brain and most likely lead to the recovery of his memories."
"But what about our son's fear of human contact," Mrs. Hayama inquired apprehensively. "Won't this mental disorder be a hindrance for a normal life and a daily routine at school?" "I don't think so," doctor Asano explained calmly. "It seems that where his school life is concerned your son's phobia has never been an obstacle so far and I don't see why things should be any different now compared to the past. I can only repeat myself. In order to aid your son's recovery my advice would be to allow him, despite his fear of human contact, to return to his old life as a student of Shidou Gakuin, but of course you as Hayama-kun's parents have the final say in this matter." "Thank you sensei, for your explanation and your assessment, but…," Takumi's father began only to be immediately interrupted by the health professional.
"You're welcome," the man replied quickly. "I can imagine that you must be very troubled at present because of your son's emotional outburst earlier and that the information I just gave you must be a lot to process, especially where the risks for your son's mental health are concerned should you stick with your decision to make him leave school. Taking all that into consideration I'd suggest that we talk again tomorrow after you had the opportunity to weigh your options and that you inform me about your final decision at the end of that meeting. I don't mean to be rude, but would you please excuse me now, I still have some other patients to attend to in the course of the afternoon." With that doctor Asano rose to his feet and complimented the couple to the door.
oOo
Gii, Akaike, Misu, Shingyouji and Toshihisa were sitting in the waiting area of the hospital ward, impatiently waiting for the arrival of Takumi's attending physician. The boys had been very surprised when Gii had told them the previous day about a phone call he had received from the health professional, in which the man had asked him and the other boys to be at the hospital at one-thirty in the afternoon the next day instead of four o'clock when Takumi's parents would already be on their way home.
"What do you think is going on," Toshihisa asked anxiously. "Who knows," Gii replied with a sigh. "Asano-sensei didn't want to tell me on the phone why he wished us to come here today at this unusual time." "Speak of the devil," Misu murmured as he noticed the middle-aged man who had just entered the ward. "Ah, there you are," the doctor exclaimed with a friendly smile. "Thanks for fulfilling my request of coming in early. I hope you haven't been waiting long." "Not at all," Gii answered politely, trying desperately to hide his nervousness. "You guys must be curious to know why I asked you to come here at a time when Hayama-kun's parents are still with their son," Takumi's attending physician began and the boys nodded eagerly.
"Well, it is as follows…," and with that doctor Asano told Gii and the rest of the group about the events of Friday afternoon and the students' faces, especially Gii's grew darker with almost every single word. "How dare they," the handsome upper-class man bellowed enraged as soon as the older man had finished his account and jumped to his feet, the faces of the other boys portraying feelings equal to the ones he was unable to keep inside. "Haven't they done enough damage already? The nerve really!"
"Calm yourself Saki-kun," the health professional said soothingly. "Everything is going to be alright. It took some serious persuasion, but luckily I could bring Hayama's parents to change their minds for the sake of their son's wellbeing. Next Friday your friend will be discharged in the afternoon and return with you to Shidou Gakuin." "That's wonderful," Shingyouji exclaimed and Gii as well as the others couldn't help but breathe a deep sigh of relief. "That's also the reason why I asked you to come here so early," the middle-aged man continued. "Now that Hayama-kun's return to school has been decided his parents finally agreed, although reluctantly, to revoke their orders concerning you guys. So, from now on until your friend's discharge you can visit him whenever you want. Besides, I think it might be a good idea for all of you to talk to Hayama-san and his wife again and to assure them that you will look after their son the best of your abilities."
With that the doctor rose from his seat. The five boys followed his example and together they made their way to Takumi's room. "Good afternoon," the physician greeted his patient and the parents politely. "Hayama-kun, your friends are here to see you." Smiling he motioned for Gii and the others, who had been standing in the door, to enter. They bowed respectfully to Takumi's parents as they exchanged their greetings with them before they finally approached their friend and schoolmate. "Long time no see," Toshihisa exclaimed smiling brightly. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling great, especially now that you guys are finally here," Takumi replied smiling equally. "I was told this morning that I'll be discharged in a couple of days. Isn't that wonderful?" "We have just heard about that from Asano-sensei," Misu said in his usual cool manner, a tiny grin playing about his mouth. "And we are just as happy as you about the news."
"Well, then you might also have heard that our son will be going back to Shidou to resume his student life there," Takumi's father interrupted the conversation with a stern voice and for several long moments a tense silence fell over the room. "I still don't like the idea, but for his own sake it seems that I have no choice but to leave Takumi to your care," he finally continued contritely. "I trust and expect that you will protect and support him in every possible way. Did I make myself clear?" "Of course sir," Gii replied politely as he turned to face his beloved fiancé's father, holding the man's piercing gaze without blinking. "Be assured that we will do everything in our power to help and assist your son and to keep him out of harm's way."
"Then for the present moment there's nothing more to be said," Hayama senior finished and together with his wife turned to Takumi to bid him goodbye. It was a somewhat frosty goodbye on both sides however, the memory of the harsh, accusing words that had been spoken only a little more than one and a half days ago still being all too present in their minds and so far no words of apology had been spoken between the parents and their son. Before Takumi's father and mother took their leave the other boys bowed once more in respectful politeness and they couldn't help but sigh in relief as soon as the couple was safely out the door.
"I'll take my leave as well," doctor Asano, who had quietly witnessed the whole scene announced, mentally shaking his head at the attitude of his patient's parents. "Before you head back to school after the visiting hours are over would you guys please come to my office for a short interlocution?" The five students nodded their agreement and with that the middle-aged health professional quietly left the room. "I'm really sorry that my father and mother treated you so coldly and dismissively again," Takumi said softly as soon as he was alone with his friends and a dejected sigh escaped his lips. "They are hopeless of remedy."
"Don't worry about that," Gii replied with a reassuring smile. "The most important thing is that, in the end, they allowed you to return to Shidou with us after your discharge. That's the only thing that matters to us." "Thanks," the ebony-haired boy whispered hoarsely and cast his eyes for a brief moment to calm his raw emotions. "Speaking of discharge and return," Shingyouji piped in, determined to divert his friend's thoughts from the issue with his parents. "What do you want to do after finally getting out of this place? We have one week of summer holidays left before the new term starts. We could go on a short- or one-day trip or something like that if you like."
"Ano, let me see. I'd like to…," Takumi stated thoughtfully and Misu flashed his younger lover a proud smile. "To be honest I have no idea what I want to do," the boy said at last, smiling shyly. "Take your time," Akaike answered good-naturedly. "You have five more days to think about that and I'm sure that your best friend will be more than happy to give you some ideas and suggestions, won't you Gii." The amber-haired nodded wordlessly, blushing slightly as the others began to chuckle knowingly.
oOo
About two and a half hours later Gii and the others were making their way to doctor Asano's office. "What do you think it is the doc wants to talk with us about this time," Toshihisa asked nervously. "I think he's probably going to explain us how to handle things after Hayama's return to school," Misu mused. "Considering his present condition I guess there are a couple of things we must to know if we want to make sure that everything goes smoothly for him once the new term has started despite his amnesia and phobia." "We'll know for sure in a couple of minutes," Akaike stated as his best friend knocked at the door of the physician's office and they were invited inside only few moments later.
"Thank you for coming, please take a seat," the middle-aged man greeted the boys with a friendly smile. "Did you have a nice chat with your friend?" "Yes, we had," Gii replied with sparkling eyes. "Takumi is already very excited about leaving the hospital, but I think that, at the same time, he's very nervous about his return to Shidou, probably even a little scared although we tried our best to reassure and encourage him." "I'm sure he is and his anxiety is quite understandable," the doctor explained. "Going back to a life one has no memory of is a difficult thing after all."
"Is that the reason why you've asked us earlier to come here," Shingyouji asked carefully. "Your guess is correct, young man," Takumi's attending physician confirmed the boy's assumption. "Now that your friend is going to be discharged soon I'd like to inform you in detail about his condition, what you should be aware of and what should be prepared prior to his return to school. Please feel free to interrupt me anytime if there's something you don't understand or if you have a question." The five boys nodded their understanding and doctor Asano took a deep breath.
"Well, maybe it would be best to start with explaining you a few things concerning Hayama-kun's amnesia," he began matter-of-factly. "There are many different forms of memory loss. In your friend's case we're dealing with post-traumatic amnesia, most likely in combination with dissociative amnesia, but that still needs to be confirmed which is almost impossible at the present stage since Hayama-kun suffers from almost total amnesia. Anyway, post-traumatic amnesia generally appears in consequence of a more serious head injury and the amount of memory that is lost depends on the severity of the case. As you know Hayama-kun has received several kicks in the head and that's what led to his memory loss. This type of amnesia is often transient, meaning temporary, but it can also be permanent of either anterograde or, as in your friend's case, retrograde type."
"Excuse me sensei, what does 'retrograde' mean," Toshihisa asked wide-eyed. "Well, patients suffering from retrograde amnesia, like Hayama-kun, are unable to consciously recollect pre-existing or long-term memories. Against the general belief of many non-physicians, patients suffering from retrograde amnesia don't actually forget their past in the literal sense. They just can't access those memories, but they are still there. Do you have any other questions?"
"You mentioned another kind of amnesia before, could you tell us a little more about that," Gii inquired politely. "You're referring to the 'dissociative amnesia', aren't you," the older man asked back and the amber-haired boy nodded in agreement. "Dissociative amnesia occurs due to psychological cause, generally a traumatic experience like abuse, a disaster or a violent attack as in Hayama-kun's case," the doctor explained. "Usually the memories of what happened directly before and after the traumatic event, as well as the memories of the event itself are repressed. Responsible for this repression of memories are our psychological defense mechanisms. Our brain is 'programmed' to protect us from harmful memories. However, over time those memories are usually either partly or completely recovered through nightmares, flashbacks or both."
"How can we tell if Hayama begins to remember anything once he has resumed his daily routine at school," Misu asked curiously. "Observe him closely because in most cases, though it's not a general rule, patients show, often unconsciously, some sort of physical reaction when they recover a memory," the physician answered. "Some very common signs for the recollection of something are the patient's eyes suddenly turning misty or growing distant, rapid breathing and the body growing tense all of a sudden. It has also been often observed that patients tend to squeeze their eyes shut and press their hands against their temples. Depending on the amount of memory that is recovered at one time and the impact this recovery has on the body of the patient fits of dizziness or even fainting spells are a likely possibility."
The middle-aged man fell silent for a moment, but when the five boys nodded their understanding he continued his account. "Apart from that there isn't much else to be aware of at present. Just treat Hayama-kun and interact with him the way you used to before the attack happened and be patient. Forcing or rushing things won't do anybody any good."
"What about the return of Hayama-san's fear of human contact," Shingyouji asked genuinely concerned. "How should we handle that matter?" "That's a difficult question to answer because frankly speaking there isn't much you can do. A phobia is a very complex illness and depending on its severity the treatment of it can be a difficult and longsome process," doctor Asano replied with a sigh. "In addition I don't know much about Hayama-kun's case. I asked his parents about it, but what they told me wasn't much help in order to assess the severity of Hayama-kun's phobia before the relapse occurred. So, I'd really appreciate it if you could provide me with some details."
"We'll be of what help we can. What would you like to know," Gii asked helpfully. "Depending on the severity of the case, their level of fear patients suffering from 'aphephobia', that's the medical term for the fear of human contact, show different symptoms," the older man explained. "Could you please tell me as detailed as possible how your friend used to react in the past when he was touched?" "Ano, usually he immediately jerked away from the touch," Toshihisa stated, "and he often tended to lash out." "His breath used to quicken as well," Akaike added. "Is there anything else Gii?"
"I don't think so," the handsome upper-class man replied thoughtfully. "Apart from lashing out he sometimes roughly pushed the person who touched him away, but other than that I can't recall anything else." "I see," the physician murmured and the expression on his face darkened momentarily which didn't go unnoticed. "What's the matter, sensei? Is there any problem," Misu asked, his voice laced with concern. "Well, how should I say this, but after what you've just told me I'm afraid that I have to inform you that Hayama-kun's phobia seems to have gotten worse," doctor Asano replied gravely.
"That's most likely a result of the violent attack he experienced. Hayama-kun may not be able to remember this event consciously, but his subconscious definitely does. Once more, 'psychological defense mechanism' is the keyword here. In addition to the symptoms you mentioned I observed that even light touches cause Hayama-kun to start shaking, lingering touches result in his body growing tense. Sometimes he's unable to articulate words properly when being touched and he has begun to think of touches as being painful. More than once when I had to touch him during the physical examinations he said things like 'it hurts' or 'it burns'."
The physician's voice trailed off and the room fell silent for a moment. The boys could only stare at the middle-aged man with shocked expressions on their faces and Gii squeezed his eyes shut, a painful sigh escaping his slightly trembling lips. "Isn't there anything we can do," he finally asked hoarsely into the grave silence. "In regard to both, his amnesia and his phobia my advice would be to let Hayama-kun stay with the person he used to be closest with in the past or someone he truly trusted," doctor Asano explained.
"Due to his delicate mental condition, he is very sensitive and having a psychological parent for comfort, support and encouragement is absolutely necessary for him. The development of such a relationship might not only aid the recovery of Hayama-kun's memories, but it might also have a positive effect where his phobia is concerned." "That psychological parent would definitely be you Gii," Akaike addressed his best friend and the other boys nodded in agreement. "You are closer to Hayama than anyone else and you managed to cure his phobia before including one relapse."
"Is that true," the middle-aged man asked and raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Yes, it is," Gii replied softly. "I see. Then I guess you also know in more detail what led to its development," the doctor mused. "I do," the amber-haired boy answered truthfully though hesitantly. "Why do you ask?" "In order to treat a phobia correctly and effectively the attending physician needs to know the cause of it," the older man explained carefully. "I've mentioned before that I spoke to Hayama-kun's parents about his phobia and they feigned ignorance when I asked about the event responsible for its development." "I'm not at all surprised," Gii huffed. "I figured they would do something of the sort out of fear for their name and respectability."
"I have an idea concerning the cause for your friend's fear of human contact, but I'd like to confirm my theory with someone who knows the particulars," Takumi's attending physician stated truthfully and the handsome upper-class man nodded slowly. Even though he dreaded the subject he understood that his fiancé's doctor had to know the details about the boy's past sooner or later. "Well, the fear of human contact is a phobia that occurs as a result of a traumatic event, usually abuse of either violent or sexual nature," doctor Asano explained matter-of-factly. "My theory is that the violent attack on Hayama-kun might have heightened the level of his fear of being touched, but that it's not violent abuse which originally caused this phobia."
"Are you implying that Hayama-san was…that he suffered from…," Shingyouji stammered clumsily, the words refusing to leave his mouth and horror was written all over his features. "Yes, I think your friend suffered from probably continuous sexual abuse in his childhood, most likely by the hands of someone he was close to and trusted like a relative or a very close friend of the family," the older man spoke out loud what Shingyouji had not been able to say. "Gii," Akaike addressed his best friend gently and everybody's eyes riveted on him.
The amber-haired boy remained silent, but the expression his handsome face was holding and the pained sigh that escaped his lips said more than a thousand words. At last he nodded his head almost imperceptibly in confirmation, murmuring a barely audible "yes" and for several moments a dismal silence fell over the room as the boys tried to process what they had just learned from their friend and classmate. "Thank you for telling me," doctor Asano replied softly. "What are you going to do concerning Takumi's further treatment after his discharge," Gii asked weakly.
"Well, there will be weekly counseling sessions," the other man explained. "For now I'll focus on helping Hayama-kun recover his memories in those meetings and I'll also try to help him to work through his traumatic past. Once that has been accomplished, at least to some extent, I can begin treating his phobia. However, the treatment of a trauma in connection with a phobia is a difficult, long-term process. Depending on the patient and the severity of the case the time frame can range anywhere from several months to several years." "Thank you sensei, please take good care of Takumi," the handsome third-year student said huskily, trying hard to keep his emotions under control. "Gii, daijoubu ka," Toshihisa asked concerned and the amber-haired boy nodded slowly.
"Saki-kun, I noticed that you and Hayama-kun seem to have been very close in the past," Takumi's attending physician spoke up. "Ever since your first secret visit you've stopped by every day for several hours and you call him by his first name. May I ask what your relationship with him is? Are you two sworn-brothers or something of the sort? I don't mean to pry and if you prefer not to answer this rather private question you don't have to," he added quickly when the boy remained silent.
"It's alright sensei, I guess it's maybe better if you know," Gii finally replied smiling weakly. "Because once Takumi begins to remember this subject will come up sooner or later anyway. Hayama Takumi is my fiancé." "Ehhh!?" the other boys exclaimed in unison, their jaws dropping to the ground and even the doctor couldn't hide his astonishment. "The night he was admitted to this hospital Takumi wore a silver ring on his left hand, didn't he? That was his engagement ring," the handsome upper-class man continued calmly, trying to ignore the perplexed and questioning glances his friends were shooting him and he knew that, once back at Shidou, he would have a lot of explaining to do.
"I have to admit that I'm quite surprised at these news," doctor Asano answered with a mild smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "But if that really is the case, you are definitely best suited to shoulder the main responsibility when it comes to taking care of Hayama-kun. I even dare say that it is your duty as his future partner in life." The others nodded in agreement, their gazes riveted on their friend and Gii couldn't help but blush and cast his eyes. "Since your relationship with him is so special I'd appreciate it if we could work closely together once Hayama-kun has started his therapy," the physician added hopefully.
"Your superior knowledge about your fiancé could be a tremendous help and due to the history the two of you have, I'd also like to include you in the therapy-sessions as time passes since I can imagine that some of Hayama-kun's most precious and important memories are related to you." "Asano-sensei, you have my full support," Gii replied with sincerity. "I'm willing to do anything as long as it helps Takumi to recover his memories and to become his old self again." "That's exactly what I've expected of you," the middle-aged man stated smiling mildly. With that the two men shook hands and a short while later the physician saw his visitors to the door, sending them home with some words of encouragement.
oOo
"Alright Gii, spill," Akaike commanded impatiently as soon as the five boys had entered room 300 and settled in the small but comfortable living and reception area. "When did you get engaged to Hayama and when were you planning on telling us about it? Are we not your friends?" The other boys nodded eagerly in agreement to Akaike's words and riveted their curiosity-filled gazes on their amber-haired friend. Ever since they had left the hospital Misu, Akaike, Shingyouji and Toshihisa had been having so many questions on their minds, questions that demanded answers, but the boys had deemed it best to wait until they would be back at Shidou, in the privacy of Gii's room.
"I'm sorry guys," the handsome upper-class man began meekly and smiled apologetically. "I didn't mean to keep these important news from you, really I didn't. I proposed to Takumi at the gazebo near the greenhouse on the eve of Tanabata. Nobody, except my parents, knew about my plan to propose to him because I didn't want to risk that anyone might accidentally spill the beans and that such news would reach the ears of the freshmen." "That explains why you were dressed so formally that night and why you answered the phone in such a bedroom-voice when I called you from Hayama's mobile," Misu cut in.
Gii nodded almost imperceptibly and couldn't help but sigh as the memories of the night of Tanabata began to flood his mind. "I asked Takumi to spend the night with me, but I had to clean up the gazebo first and…," Gii's voice trailed off and he squeezed his eyes shut. "And that's why Hayama went back to the dorm without you, in order to ask me to think of something to cover for you," the other boy finished, counting two and two together. "Yes, that's what happened," Gii confirmed Misu's words with a pained expression on his handsome face. "I guess Takumi and I would have told you guys about our engagement sometime the following day, but then the attack happened and…" he stammered hoarsely and hung his head.
"It's alright Gii. Don't make yourself uneasy," Akaike said softly and patted his best friend's back reassuringly. "There's no need to explain any further. After all you had enough other things to worry about after that night." "But don't you think that, just because of the present circumstances, you can chicken out of a proper engagement party," Toshihisa added smiling brightly. "Once Takumi has recovered we will celebrate this very special event with all the bells and whistles!" "Right," Shingyouji exclaimed and Akaike as well as Misu nodded in agreement. "Thank you guys, thanks for your understanding," Gii replied, a relieved smile gracing his lips.
"Alright, now that this is settled let's get down to business," the boy's rival spoke up sternly. "I do believe there are more important matters at hand we need to discuss than Saki's engagement." "That's true," Akaike stated with a serious expression on his face. "We all heard what Asano-sensei said concerning the preparations for Hayama's return. The question is how we can organize for him to stay with you again, Gii. As dorm head you have a private room, but it has only one bed."
"Tomorrow I'll speak to Shimada-sensei and apply for a change of rooms," the amber-haired boy explained calmly. "I know there are still a few vacant rooms on my floor. Usually applying for a change of rooms is rather difficult, but due to the special circumstances and with a medical statement of Takumi's physician there shouldn't be any problem. I'll call him later and ask if he could write it for us including his recommendation about Takumi sharing rooms with me. I'm sure that he won't object and I could pick the letter up when I go to visit Takumi tomorrow afternoon."
"That sounds good, but what about you Arata-san," Shingyouji asked concerned. "What will happen to you if Hayama-san changes rooms?" "Nothing I guess," Misu replied matter-of-factly. "If there should be any transfer students coming to Shidou after summer break, I might get a new roommate. I have to admit that I don't like this idea because Hayama and I got along pretty well so far, but that's of no importance. The only thing that's important right now is what's best for him under the present circumstances." "Arata-san," the raven-haired second-year beamed, touched by the kindness of the man who usually appeared to be cold and unfeeling.
"Thank you Misu," Gii said, smiling mildly at his rival. "Don't mention it Saki," the boy replied with a cold demeanor. "It's not that I'm agreeing to this because of you. It's only for Hayama's sake." "Of course," Gii replied with sincerity and the others couldn't help but smile at their friends', especially Misu's, antics because it had been pretty obvious for some time already that the relationship between the two boys had kept improving constantly since the beginning of the school year, that it was even bordering on a true friendship recently.
"A-Ano Gii," Toshihisa suddenly piped in and began to fidget nervously. "About…about the other thing you and Asano-sensei mentioned…Is it really true?" "I'm afraid so," the handsome upper-class man answered with a pained sigh. "I promised Takumi that I would never tell anyone about his past because he doesn't want to be pitied and dreads other people's reactions concerning this matter more than anything. But taking the present circumstances and the gravity of the situation we're dealing with right now into account, I think it's maybe best to tell you everything. Just promise me one thing. Promise me that you won't treat Takumi any differently from before because of what you're about to hear." The boys nodded their agreement with grave expressions on their faces and Gii took a deep breath.
"Well, Takumi has an older brother, Naoto," he began huskily. "I should say 'had' because he passed away about four years ago." "What happened," Shingyouji asked curiously. "Naoto had a weak heart," Gii explained softly. "From what Takumi told me about his brother I know that it had never been a hindrance for him though and that he excelled in almost everything he did, even sports. Hayama senior and his wife loved Naoto dearly. They literally showered him with affection and had all their attention on him because of his delicate health. Even after Takumi was born that didn't change. Takumi never experienced much parental love. It was almost as if he weren't there at all. In fact it was only when Naoto would speak about him to the parents that they would take notice of their younger son. Those moments meant the world to Takumi and consequently he was very close with his older brother, he loved and trusted him unconditionally."
"That's terrible," Toshihisa exclaimed indignantly. "How could Takumi's parents do something so cruel to their own son, denying him their love? Parents shouldn't act that way!" "It gets even worse," the amber-haired boy sighed and closed his eyes for a brief moment before he continued. "Shortly after Takumi had entered elementary school Naoto began to develop a mental disorder that gradually became more serious as time passed and nobody noticed it including Hayama senior and his wife. Naoto began to touch Takumi intimately and ultimately he forced himself onto his younger brother, violated him and this abuse continued for several years. When Takumi was about eleven years old Mrs. Hayama, by mere coincidence, finally found out what was going on and Naoto blamed everything on his younger brother, saying that Takumi had seduced him and lured him into 'doing it'…"
"And I guess because Naoto was the favorite son the parents only all too readily believed every single word he said," Akaike murmured, struggling to regain his composure. "Yes, Takumi was never given any chance to explain himself and was practically cast out by his parents," Gii confirmed his best friend's assumption. "The truth came out one year later and Naoto was admitted to a mental hospital where he passed away after he had spent a whole day walking in the rain without shoes and an umbrella. He got really sick and his weak heart couldn't take it. As for Takumi, he never told me clearly, but I assume that even after Naoto's admittance to the hospital the parents continued to care for him only and that they paid no heed to their younger son and his mental condition, the wounds of heart."
Gii's voice trailed off and a grave silence settled between him and the other four boys. They were shocked beyond belief, Shingyouji's and Toshihisa's eyes were brimming with tears and the expressions everybody had on their faces were saying more than a thousand words. "That's unforgivable, absolutely unforgivable," Misu muttered repeatedly under his breath and all the others could do was to nod in agreement to the boy's words.
"This dark past has left deep scars and those experiences are not only the reason for Takumi's phobia, but also for his distant behavior, the cold indifference he showed to everyone and everything when he first came to Shidou," Gii continued with a sigh. "He had serious issues trusting anyone and was scared of getting hurt again. So, in order to protect his heart he had built up a wall and kept pushing people away." "Until he met you," Akaike finished softly and the amber-haired boy nodded slowly.
"I don't know about you guys, but I'm feeling somewhat embarrassed right now," the president of the disciplinary committee addressed the rest of the group. "Even though Gii told me many times that the Hayama Takumi who had come to Shidou wasn't his real self, I couldn't really believe him. Before I got to know Hayama better, I had always labeled him as a weirdo of some sort without ever taking the trouble to look more closely." "I guess at the beginning we all did, including me," Toshihisa sighed and the others nodded in agreement. "When we first became roommates I thought that Takumi was strange," the boy continued softly. "But after some time I realized that he was actually a really nice guy and we became friends. However, unlike you Gii, I could never get completely through to him. To some degree he always kept up those invisible walls around him."
"Gii-senpai, you really changed Hayama-san's life," Shingyouji addressed the older boy admiringly. "And that's a great thing because right now, except for the amnesia, Hayama-san is very much the way he used to be last year. You cured him from his phobia once, so you can do it again. Why don't you just use the same method as last time? Whatever you did obviously worked pretty well." "No Shingyouji," Gii exclaimed forcefully which caused the younger boy to stare at him, clearly taken aback by his senpai's reaction. "I'm sorry," the amber-haired boy added quickly. "I didn't mean to raise my voice. It's true the method I used to cure Takumi's phobia worked, but I've sworn to myself that I won't ever do something like that to him again."
"I've never asked you because I respect your privacy, even though I've always been very curious about this matter," Akaike began carefully. "How exactly did you manage to cure Hayama from his fear of human contact?" "Well, since I've told you so much already I might as well tell you the rest of the story," Gii sighed after a brief moment of silence and once again everybody's eyes fixed upon him.
"Do you remember that rainy afternoon last June when Takumi suddenly fainted in the entrance hall of the dorms while he was talking to you Shouzo?" "How could I forget," the president of the disciplinary committee huffed. "Hayama scared the hell out of me that day!" "Back then our relationship was still of a rather platonic sort, nothing had happened between us except for a kiss or two," the handsome upper-class man explained hesitantly. "That evening after his fainting spell, back in our room I tried to steal a kiss from Takumi, thinking that he was still fast asleep, but he wasn't. At first he responded and kissed me back, but when I tried to deepen the kiss he suddenly pushed me away quite roughly."
"What happened then," Toshihisa asked curiously. "Well, that moment made me realize that, opposite to what I had thought until then, Takumi didn't really hate human contact, that he wanted even needed it, like all of us, but that for some reason he was just terribly scared of it at the same time. At that point I did not yet know about Takumi's dark past," Gii continued meekly. "What I did then I would really like to forget because looking back I can hardly think of it without abhorrence. However, that night at the impulse of the moment I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought that the best way to cure Takumi's phobia was to expose him to his fears, forcing him to face them."
"You mean like a shock therapy that's used by psychiatrists sometimes where patients are deliberately confronted with their greatest fears in order to overcome them," Akaike inquired and the amber-haired boy nodded almost imperceptibly. "So what did you do," Shingyouji piped in. "I pushed Takumi back down onto his bed," Gii answered truthfully, closing his eyes for a moment. "I kissed, touched and caressed him, undressing him at the same time. He struggled greatly, tried to fight me off and begged me to stop, but I didn't…"
"In other words you forced yourself onto Hayama," Misu stated the obvious. "I did, at least to some extent," the handsome upper-class admitted, trying his best to ignore the shocked and disbelieving glances the others were shooting him. "What do you mean," the boy's rival pried. "Like I said before, at first Takumi resisted and struggled and I could tell that he was terribly scared," Gii explained obediently. "However, as soon as he realized that the person touching him was me he relaxed almost instantly. I remember everything as if it were yesterday. From one moment to the other the fear in Takumi's eyes vanished and he reached up, placing his hands on my shoulders. Then he pulled me close and we ended up making love, consummating our relationship." Gii's voice trailed off and a short moment of silence fell over the room.
"When did you learn about Hayama-san's past," Shingyouji finally asked softly. "That very night," the older boy replied with a sad smile on his lips. "After our love-making we remained in bed cuddling and that's when Takumi at last told me about Naoto and what he had done. I was shocked and I immediately regretted deeply what I had done to Takumi earlier. Not only did I come to understand why he had been so scared, after all what I had done to him must have been like a déjà vu of the first time he was violated by his brother, but I also realized that my actions could have had the opposite effect to the one I had intended, that I could have made things worse for Takumi. Instead of curing his fear of human contact I could have heightened it. Like I said before I acted on impulse in that situation, but that's no excuse for what I did. Luckily the method I used proved to be successful, but God knows that I'm not proud of my actions. If I had known the reason for Takumi's phobia prior to that evening I would have never acted the way I did and that very night I swore to myself that I would never put him through something like that again."
"I understand," Shingyouji whispered sincerely, but found himself unable to hold back a dejected sigh. "So what's your plan this time concerning Hayama and his phobia," Akaike asked quietly. "I'll just go with the flow I guess," the handsome upper-class man replied with a reassuring smile. "Right now we're already getting along very well despite Takumi's amnesia. So, the first step is to remain close to him and to strengthen his trust in me without depending on a speedy recovery of his memory."
"'Remaining close' is a good cue Gii," Toshihisa piped in. "Sharing rooms with Takumi is one thing, but how can we look after him during school hours? After classes let out Misu-kun is busy with his duties as the head of the student council, Shingyouji-kun has kendo practice every day, being the president of the disciplinary committee Akaike-kun is busy as well and I have to attend my club and join its activities. Kurokawa won't refrain from threatening and harming Takumi."
"Toshihisa has a good point there," Misu added, narrowing his eyes. "That little weasel Kurokawa won't back down and leave Hayama alone, of that we can be sure. He might be only a freshman, but he's definitely not afraid of us and he knows that we are on our guard against him. So he'll plan his next move extra carefully and we should also be aware of his devoted followers. It would be a great mistake to underestimate them. These guys are just as dangerous as their leader himself." "I've been considering this problem as well and I completely agree with you guys," Gii stated grimly.
"Luckily I have no club activities whatsoever and can stay by Takumi's side after have classes let out. I'll also apply for a class transfer so that I can be with Takumi during lesson time. If I ask my dad and his secretary to handle the matter there won't be any trouble. They might even be able to pull some strings so that Takumi will always be assigned to cleaning and library duties together with one of us." "That sounds good," Shingyouji beamed and the others nodded approvingly. "And if I remember correctly Yagura-senpai, Nozawa-senpai and Yoshizawa-senpai are the dorm heads of the first, second and fourth floor, right? They are friends and can be trusted. Maybe we could ask them to keep an eye on Hayama-san when he's at the dorm by himself."
"Good idea Shingyouji. I'll contact them as soon as they are back," Akaike answered. "I'll also ask them to keep their eyes and ears open, to watch Kurokawa and his minions carefully and to inform us if they have the feeling that those guys might be up to something. Any other ideas?" "I guess that's all we can do for now," Misu mused. "In order to create a more strategic plan for protecting Hayama and dealing with Kurokawa we need to know what he is planning. I hate so say it, but until Hayama recovers his memories of the night of the attack and provides us with the details our only chance to convict Kurokawa is to catch him red-handed." "That's true, sad but true," Gii huffed.
oOo
The next morning, right after breakfast Gii made his way to the dorm supervisor's office. After knocking at the door he was soon bidden inside and quietly entered the room. "Ohayo Shimada-sensei," he greeted the teacher politely. "I'm sorry to bother you so early in the morning." "That's quite alright," the older man replied with a mild smile. What can I do for you Saki-kun?" "I'd like to request a change of rooms and to be put into one room with my former roommate Hayama Takumi again," the amber-haired boy stated politely but businesslike. "Under the present circumstances his attending physician thinks that it would be best to let him stay with me because we became very close during that time we shared a room and he used to trust me. I'll go to the hospital this afternoon to pick up Asano-sensei's medical report and recommendation concerning Hayama's case."
"Of course I've heard about Hayama-kun's present condition and I agree that these are grave and difficult circumstances," Shimada-sensei explained calmly. "In view of that consideration I'll grant you your request. Room 310 is vacant, and I'll assign it to Hayama-kun and you, but please don't make a big deal out of it. Besides being slightly bigger than the others that room has a reception and living area just like the rooms for the dorm heads. That's why room 310 is usually assigned to guests only." "I understand," Gii replied politely, "and I appreciate your help sensei."
"You're welcome, but I have one question," the teacher said quietly. "Looking after you friend will probably require a lot of your time. Do you wish to remain dorm head anyway or would you like me to appoint someone else to replace you?" "With your permission sensei, I'd like to remain supervisor of the third floor and I promise that I won't be neglectful of my duties and responsibilities," the boy answered truthfully. "Well, in that case I'll let you keep the keys of room 300. You can use it as a counseling room when students need to talk to you and assure their privacy that way," Shimada-sensei explained. "Thank you so much," Gii said hoarsely and bowed respectfully.
"Don't mention it. Is there anything else you need Saki-kun?" "Ano…actually there's one more thing," the handsome upper-class man began hesitantly. "Are there any transfer students who will start attending Shidou Gakuin after the summer break and if so have their placements in the dorms already been decided?" "There are a couple of transfer students, but I don't have them assigned to any rooms yet. Why are you asking," the teacher inquired. "If it's possible and not too much trouble could I please ask you to do me another favor," the amber-haired boy asked carefully and proceeded to explain politely what he had on his mind.
"Well, usually those kinds of requests cannot be granted without a cogent reason," Shimada-sensei stated sternly after a brief moment of silence. "However, since you have always fulfilled your duties and responsibilities as dorm head to my fullest satisfaction I'll grant you this request as well, but don't make this a habit. Have I made myself clear?" "Yes, sensei," Gii replied with sincerity. "Thank you once again and please accept my apologies for causing you so much inconvenience and trouble." With that he smiled gratefully at the older man and bowed once more before he quietly took his leave.
A/N: Wow, this is the longest chapter so far and I hope I didn't disappoint you with it.
What will happen next? How will Takumi feel once he's back at Shidou? What favor did Gii ask from Shimada-sensei and what will Kurokawa do when he returns from his summer vacation?
If you want to get the answers to all those questions, you know what to do... :D