"It's not the end of the world, Shirley… cheer up already!" Lucy nudged Helga with her elbow, grinning.

"I'm not un-cheered!"

"Look at you!"

"No, really, she's not…" Maya paused for a second to sip her wine. "This is the default. You're just seeing her in comparison to loved up Helga."

"I'm no different!"

"Oh yes you are…" Maya was grinning now too. "Not that it's a bad thing. You were adorable with Joel around, but I prefer you caustic and cynical."

"If you want me caustic, just keep calling adorable."

"I thought it was kinda sickening, actually." That was Lucy. "Not you! But Joel… getting all doe eyed and soppy. Gross." She rolled her eyes when the other two laughed. "Ugh, you guys don't understand. I don't care about the sex stuff, I've walked in on enough compromising situations to be desensitised to that."

Helga snorted when Maya raised an eyebrow, but Lucy carried on "But the whole I have to find this book for her because there's this one passage that reminds me of her and blah blah blah, after, like, one night? That gives me the willies…"

Oh. Helga could feel herself blushing. "Yeah, well…" She tipped her glass to the girls. "What can I say, I'm just that good in bed."

At least that diffused the awkward for a while, laughing at Lucy's grimace. "Yeah, you must be… I hardly saw you guys all Christmas!"

That was an exaggeration, but Helga beamed anyway.

"Oh, they were terrible on New Years!" Maya crowed. "Adorable, but terrible. You left at like, what? Two past midnight?"

"Something like that." Helga smirked as Lucy stuck out her tongue in a mock vomit. "But you can't say you're any better with Arnold."

Maya sighed, flopping back against the sofa. "God, I would sink my teeth into that boy right now if he was here. He's straight up awesome in the sack."

"Eeeeeergh." Helga made a spew face. "Dude."

But Maya shook her head. "Don't even care that you've known him since nappies, Helga. He's fucking amazing. All that earnest, sensitive bullshit he's got going on means he actually wants to make it good for me, but he's not timid. Such a rare combination… He's hung, too, and uncut, and he's never once complained about using condoms. Never even mentioned it."

There was a little lull in the conversation, both Lucy and Maya looking vaguely expectantly at Helga, who was still slightly grossed out by being told about Arnold's junk. Helga just raised her glass and took another sip, unsure what they were waiting for. Did Lucy really want to know about Joel's dick?

"Please tell me you used condoms, Helga." Lucy was smirking. "I'm so not ready to be an aunt."

Oh. That's what they wanted to know. She wasn't used to this kind of candid girl talk. "Uh… nope, we didn't."

They both exploded with questions. "Are you on the pill or something?" "But have you both been tested?" etc etc…

She held up a hand to try get them to shut up. "We didn't have sex!" She blurted, way too loud.

"What?"

She shrugged.

"But… you guys were at it for, like, two weeks."

"I dunno… it just… never happened."

"Oh shit."

"Is that a bad thing?" To be honest, she'd worried about it herself a bit, but had never brought it up in conversation. It's not like he wasn't interested in her, they'd been extremely active in bed, just never done it, despite all her wriggling and arching and pleading… he'd always managed to distract her, and she'd never come away unsatisfied.

The other two looked at each other. "Well… I dunno." Maya started. "I just figured… the way you guys were…" She paused. "If I had to guess I'd say that maybe he wants something more than just a holiday fling."

Lucy nodded, looking thoughtful. "I gotta agree, though I figured he was going to ask you out anyway, seeing as he was so smitten."

"But he didn't ask me out." He'd just kissed her goodbye, told her he'd enjoyed getting to know her, asked her to keep in touch. But he didn't mention anything about starting anything more serious… Helga chewed at her bottom lip. What would she have said, anyway? She clearly wasn't cut out for relationships at all, let alone long-distance ones.

Through the fuzz of an alcohol-numbed brain, she belatedly realised that Lucy had her phone out. "Oh. Please don't." She said weakly, but she heard the click through the little speaker as Joel answered the call and Lucy put it onto speakerphone.

"Hello, O' sister of mine." He sounded tired but happy.

"Hi! Helga and Maya are here too."

His low chuckle still did funny things to Helga's stomach. "Hello to you too, ladies."

"Good flight?" That was Maya, who was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"Yeah, fine. No screaming kids, so that's always a bonus. Just got home." There was a little pause. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?"

Lucy feigned a look of innocence, though lord knows who for. "What do you mean? Can't your sister just call you to make sure that you got home OK?"

"That's Ma's job… and while you calling me is novel, you calling me while clearly having drunken girl time with the woman I've been, uh, seeing…" he cleared his throat, "is somewhat disconcerting."

"She's cool, huh? And Ma really likes her…" Oh dear, she wasn't even trying to be subtle.

Joel's heavy, irritated sigh was clearly audible through Lucy's tinny speakers. "Helga, did you condone this?"

She looked at the other two, who were clearly enjoying themselves. "No." She said, rolling her eyes.

"So, while she has the best intentions, Lucy's meddling is more humiliating than helpful."

"Hey!" Lucy squealed, but Helga smirked. Of course Joel would know how to deal with his overly enthusiastic sister.

"Pretty much." She confirmed.

He sighed again, but there was more humour in it this time. "OK, fun's over. I just got home, I want a shower and something to eat. I'm going to hang up now, but I'll call you later tonight, Shirley, if you want?"

"Yeah, I'll… actually, Skype me, save your credit."

"Alright. Speak to you soon. Goodnight, ladies." He was mocking them.

"Goodniii-ight." The other two parroted back, collapsing into laughter when the line went dead.

…

"I am so sorry about that call." She rushed, as soon as Joel's face flickered onto the screen.

"Don't worry about it. Sounds like you were having a good night." He had a gentle, tired smile on his face, sitting up in his bed.

"Yeah, it was OK. They were getting pretty share-y though… not sure I wanted to know as much about Arnold as I do now."

He laughed at that, his big, baying guffaw. "Don't tell me. I don't want to know either." He shook his head. "Should I assume that I was talked about?"

She lowered her head. "Only a little… I, uh, miscalculated."

"Hence the call?"

"Hence the call."

They sat in silence for a long moment, he seemed to be thinking about something, so she just studied his face over the grainy video connection. She'd studied him a lot over the past 2 weeks. How his hair, all neatly cut, never seemed to stay where he put it. How his bottom lip was tucked slightly in under his top lip. How his braces-straight teeth had fought their artificial realignment, and were just a little crooked. How he was so normal. Average height, average build… an average amount of chest hair, average hazel eyes… it wasn't stunning good looks that had her going whoa she she'd first seen him, it was his bearing. He just radiated something, a kind of benevolent authority that made him seem trustworthy, but in control…

"So, Shirley." His voice was soft, he had that wry smile on his face, like he knew something she didn't. "What now?"

A little flutter in her chest, something like fear, tried to get her to say something sarcastic, to pointedly misconstrue his question… but she knew what he was asking, so she swallowed, choking down the instinct to be dismissive.

"I don't know." And she didn't. She had no idea.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about this before I left… I just, wanted some time to think about it."

"Have you thought about it?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"And what do you think?"

"I think I want to keep seeing you." His gaze didn't waver from hers. "I know you're younger than me, and still studying, and long-distance is a pain in the ass. So, logically, I think this is a stupid idea… it doesn't stop me wanting it though. I knew from that first night that two weeks wasn't going to be enough."

He paused, but she didn't say anything. "I want to keep this going, but I know it's a lot of pressure. So… if you're OK with it, I figure that we just see what happens. We don't make any grand declarations of fidelity, ask no questions, tell no lies… if it dies a natural death, then fine. If it gets more serious, then good… but if we can't deal with it, we just let the other person know, no drama, no hard feelings."

He paused again, waiting for a response this time. She mulled it over. He was right. He was 5 years older than her, and a 4 hour flight away. She already knew she was bad at relationships… there wasn't much to make her think that this would be any better than her few failed attempts at dating thus far… but he was also right in saying that despite the rational reasons why dating would be a stupid idea… she still wanted to.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" She asked slowly, wondering if the casual nature of what he was proposing was for her benefit.

"No. What I want is for us to be far closer to each other so we can do this normally… but I'm just working with what I've been given."

Well, he was honest. She nodded. "OK."

"OK?"

"Yeah… I'd… Yes, I want to see you again."

"Is this a stupid idea?"

"Probably."

"Fantastic."

She missed him when she finally crawled into bed. It still smelled like him, and like something out of a cheesy romance novel, she mushed her face into his pillow and inhaled. His pillow? She sighed, rolling onto her back, staring at the ceiling.

Was she doing the right thing? Was she really? She liked him, she really liked him… more than she'd liked Matt, more than she'd liked any guy she'd dated… but she also knew herself, how she held people at arms length. But, well, at least she knew that, right? If she could see it, she could try to stop doing it?

She had every excuse in the world to say no to this thing - whatever it was - with Joel, and she knew he would have reacted graciously… but she said yes, because she wanted it.

She just didn't know how much of it she wanted.