After lunch the transfers make their way back to the training room. Four and I are busy discussing which initiate will be out for the day, because of the uneven numbers, and both decide on Tris because of her show of bravery in the knife throwing exercise. I look over at her and she is glaring daggers at me and there is so much confusion in the glare that it kind of makes me regret my actions from earlier. I stare back and try to convey a message through my eyes telling her that she made me do it, all she does is raise an eyebrow at me and then goes to join her friends.
Three hours have passed and the fights for the day are over, there were some good ones and some terrible ones, but honestly I don't want to think about that right now. I just want to run... I rush to my apartment and hastily change into my running gear and head back to the training room. I stretch out my legs and finally feel the freedom I have been longing for all day. I love to run, it calms my nerves and clears my head. I need to understand why this girl is having this affect on me. Yes, I have had girlfriends in the past and yes, I thought I liked them, but no one has ever had a hold on me like this.
I know absolutely nothing about this girl and in turn she knows nothing about me. Would she still want to even try to be with me after what I pulled today? "Hey." I hear behind me and instantly lose my footing because she took me out of my thought filled daze. Oh, it's nice to know she is still talking to me. "Hello." I say, "Did you need something?" "Yes." She states rather sternly, "I don't understand you. When it's you and I you're really sweet but, in here you did that." she points to her ear. "I don't get it, choose one or the other." I wipe my face dry from the sweat that has collected there.
"I have to treat you like any other initiate in here." I say roughly "I cannot show any favortism or Four might notice and make things even worse for you. As of tomorrow I am going to switch to the Dauntless borns for the rest of part 1 of initiation and will be back for stage 2." I look up at her trying to see if she understands what I am trying to say in not so many words. "What does this mean?" she asks. "Are you giving this up just because of me?" I turn and scoff, "I'm not giving up anything, I just get to watch fighters with more skill, I'll see you at the end of stage 1." I turn around and attempt to walk away when all of the sudden that jolt of electricity is zooming through me again, her hand is grasping mine as if she is trying to say more. I let it linger for a second, and then drop her hand and stroll through the doors.
Stage one is slowly coming to a close and Capture the Flag is tomorrow night. I have done my best to stay away from Tris trying to keep my promise to myself and gather the man that I had been before her. Four tells me that she is doing great and is probably going to secure the number 6 slot on the rankings. I sigh to myself at least she will be safe, after tonight though it could go down so I try not to be to hopeful. This new me is really starting to get on my nerves I have never cared before, why do I have to now.
I am walking down the tunnel on my way to my apartment and I hear that little Candor girl talking about how Tris lost her fight to Peter and is now passed out in the infirmary. Suddenly I am in a daze, I make my way to the infirmary hoping and pleading that there is no one else in there. Thankfully, no one else is, so I grab a stool and sit next to her and grab her hand. She groans and wraps her fingers around mine, I try to pull back but she clutches it. "I was hoping you would come, even though I don't want you to see me like this." she says. I look down at her and say, "I told you I would see you at the end of stage 1 and now that you can't come I figured I would come see you here."
At this, her eyes fly open, "What!?" she yells earning a stern look from one of the nurses. " I am going, no one can stop me, I NEED to be there..." She starts to pull herself out of bed and I know how determined she is so against my better judgement I help her to her feet. "I don't know how you found out what tonight is, but you need to remember that you are not supposed to know, so you need to go to your bed and stay there until you are told to come, do you understand?" She nods her head and I pull my hand from her grasp. "I'll see you on the train." She says.
A few hours later I am in the Dauntless borns dormitory making a beautiful sound on the pipes. "Be at the train in 10 minutes." I say and they are grinning at me like it is Christmas. Ten minutes later we are all on the tracks waiting for the train and I look back and see her doing her best to get here on time, but I can tell it is taking alot. I nod at her little Candor friend and she goes to help Tris get onto the platform. Four watches me intensely trying to figure out what to do and finally the train is approaching. I really need to memorize that schedule. We all load on and I wait for the lull in the car.
"Listen up, we are playing Capture the Flag, this is a long time Dauntless tradition passed down to every initiate class before the final rankings of stage 1 are posted, and before you ask, yes this does go towards your final rank. The points will be decided by the team captains, which are Four and I after we review your performances. "What do we get if we win?" I hear from the back. "The honor of calling yourself a winner." I say. "Now, we will be dividing into two teams, as previously stated Four and I will be the team captains, Four you can get off the train first." "Works for me." he says. "Choose."
"Edward." I say not wanting to look like I planned this. "I want the Stiff." he says. My heart drops to my stomach, I look over and see the disappointment in her face and I know then that she indeed wants me too. We divide up the rest of the initiates and Four's team gets off the train. A couple of minutes later I instruct my team to get off as well. We reach the end of the pier in record time and I put the flag in the tree and divide the troops. Strongest in the front, weakest in the back and Edward and I guarding the flag.
Not even 4 minutes later I see the Ferris Wheel turn on in the distance. "How stupid can you be?" I think to myself. I send a group that way and am greeted by the glorious sound of incoming gunfire. "Edward," I say "if they take this flag, you are doing extra work." Two minutes later I'm shot, Edwards, shot and that darn little Tris has the flag.
After the game is over all of the transfers jump back on the train and return to the compound, while the Dauntless borns and Dauntless that were supervising the game head towards the Hancock Building. Another tradition that we do just for the Dauntless borns is zip lining. I always feel free when I zipline so this time I decide to tag along. Zeke looks at me like I am crazy. I look back at him and say, "What I need to keep up appearances." which earns me an "Mhmmm." from him. He parts from the rest of us to go turn on the generator that is needed to work the elevator and then we pile in.
Halfway through the trip I am trying my best to keep my cool in this crowded elevator, I don't do well with crowds. When all of the sudden I feel the now familiar electric shock, the one that has a straight line to my heart, and at every shock a little piece of the unbelieveably thick walls I have built around myself falls away. I feel her fingers interlacing with mine and it is all I can do to not grin like the squirrel that got the nuts. "What are you doing here?" I ask her. Confused as to her presence here. "Uriah invited me." she says while giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. I quickly pull away because number 1, this is very, very wrong, and number 2 I can't be caught holding an initiates hand. Also we are almost to the top.
As the leader that is among everyone I get the honor of going first, which I am secretly happy about because I will be there to catch her and hold her if she gets scared, well discreetly of course. I scoff at myself because the way I am thinking is ridiculous. I think that this past week of not seeing her has been tough but I have an inkling that that will change. Tomorrow we reveal the the rankings and it's visiting day.
With Monday comes stage 2 of training and the fear sims start and thankfully I don't have to do anything hands on. I finish my musing as I reach the end of the line feeling light and free, I pull on and release the lever and the waiting Dauntless at the bottom catch me. Uriah comes next and he is screaming and whooping I almost feel embarrassed for the boy and Zeke who just happens to be his brother, but then I remember my first time. Tris comes directly after Uriah and surprisingly she doesn't scream or cry. On the contrary she is beaming from ear to ear and I think that this is the happiest I have ever seen her. I catch her and she wraps her arms around my neck and falls to the ground below. "Can I go again?" she asks her eyes alight.
I look down at her and smile, "Not today I say, you are already late." I say. When the last zipliner has come down we all head back to the train and every one is a buzz with the adrenaline that comes from a successful ziplining trip. She comes and sits next to me as I wait for the train to come to the destination. "I have never felt so free in my entire life." she says, "Thank you for not making me leave." I look over at her. "You're welcome." I say and then get up and leave her sitting there. I turn my head and make sure to catch her eye and wink, God what is wrong with me. I know she understands that this is what I have to do. We finally make it back to the compound and I make it back to my apartment. Lounging in bed I remember the feel of her little hand in mind and smile as I drift off to sleep.