Last night was a fucking nightmare. I remember Edwards screams as the doctors yanked (that is really the only word to describe it) the knife from his eye as I get prepared for the day and go to the training room. Sunday has always been my least favorite day. I have no leader duties unless something happens, and Shauna guards the fence so I really have nothing to do, and no one to talk to. As I walk past the chasm I hear the tiniest sniffle coming from somewhere, but I can't see anyone. I search for a little bit but am hardpressed to find anyone. I continue to walk towards the training room but before I can fully turn around a hand comes through the wall and drags me through it.
When I feel the shock I know exactly who it is who has grabbed me, but I am slightly frightened because I have no idea where I am. "What is this place?" I ask her as she contines to drag me down the walk. "I thought I knew all of the secrets in this place." Instantly she stops and turns and throws herself into my arms. Automatically my hands find themselves in her hair. She whimpers a little but is not fully crying, my girl is not a crier. I slide down the wall dragging her with me and I pull her into my lap so that her face is in the crook of my neck. We sit there silently just holding one another.
I am nervous beyond all belief that someone is going to find us like this but I cannot bring myself to let her go. I absentmindedly run my fingers through her silky hair while her breathing gets slower and deeper. I start to worry and then I hear the littlest snore that I have ever heard. I gently shake her awake and her eyes pop open. She looks at her surroundings and her eyes get wide. A look of understanding washes across her face. "What?" she asks. I look her in the eye and say, "As much as I want to sit here with you all day I am currently starving and need to get some food. You and I both also know that I cannot be seen with you, at least until after initiation." I wink at the end of my rant and she smiles.
"I know." she says and wraps her arms around my neck. I stand us up and place her softly on her feet so she can get her bearings. With a smile I kiss her hair and turn around and head out the way we came in. Upon reaching the Mess Hall I go and grab a muffin, banana, and a very strong cup of coffee and continue on to my original destination, the transfer training room. I finish my breakfast on the walk over.
I get through my stretching routine when Zeke walks through the door. "Hey man," he says. "I was looking or you earlier, it's weird for you to no be in here at 6am, what happened?" I glare at him as intensely as possible with the little sleep that I have had slightly annoyed that he knows my schedule. "One of the transfers was stabbed last night so I was between my office and the infirmary for quite some time... Is something up, why were you looking for me?" I ask. "Well, I wanted to talk to you about Shauna man... I really love her, I mean like no other girl for me kind of love and I need a little bit of advice and you know her sometimes I think better than she knows herself."
He looks at me for a second and continues. "I however, have to talk to you about that little Abnegation transfer Tris." As he says this my eyes widen and I look him dead in the eye. "What about her?" I ask my voice laced with amusement. "Well dude," he says. "I think she has a thing for you, everytime I am anywhere near you two the girl cannot keep her eyes off of you, and at the same token Four cannot take his eyes off of her." At this I instantly get angry but cover my emotion completely. "Interesting." I say and quickly change the subject.
"So, what did you interrupt my day to talk to me about?" I ask. He takes a deep breath and he says. "I think I am going to ask Shauna to marry me." Upon hearing this I immediately burst into a fit of laughter. "What Eric, why are you laughing this is serious?" I laugh even louder in fact I am surprised I haven't fallen over yet. "You are expecting me to believe that you came to me about this. I don't know anything about love or romance or when someone is ready or not, why didn't you ask Lynn she is her sister for Christ sake."
He looks at me and starts to laugh too. "Yeah, I should have remembered that I just thought with you guys being best friends and all you would know what she would say. Sorry dude." At the last word he turns around and walks through the door. I kinda feel bad for the guy but I mean come on I am not the person to go to for relationship advice.
I finally finish my stretching and I decide that I need to run, not only for my body but for my mind and soul as well. I run until I am not able to continue. By this point I am utterly exhausted the day is truly weighing on me, I stop at the Mess Hall and grab a couple of sandwiches to go and then go back to my home to take a relaxing shower and then maybe just maybe I can get some sleep. I finish the sandwiches as I make it to my door thinking about what tomorrow will hold for me. Everyday I wake up is something different I am used to routine, in fact I love it I almost always know what is going to happen and what I can and cannot control but since she got here it's like all of the routine has completely gone from my life. The hard part for me is that I think I like it.
Tomorrow we are starting the fear simulations on the initiates and Zeke and I always stay close because we are needed for support the first one can be kind of rough. I always hate this day because we usually have to drag whoever it is out of the room and haul them back to the dorms. I am not an emotional guy and all of the whimpering and shaking makes me uncomfortable and is extremely annoying. Zeke and I are sitting in for the transfers tomorrow so maybe I will get to take Tris at this I slightly brighten and turn off the shower.
I settle onto the couch and turn a movie on in the background just to mask the silence. Silence can be deafening when you basically live inside your own head. I reflect on the day and remember the way it started. I remember my fingers in her hair and the feel of her curled to my chest. I don't even know if it is real at this point because why she would pick me makes absolutely no sense. I am not the guy girls like her choose, that is Four and as much as I hate him I know that he would probably be better for someone like her. I frown slightly still thinking about this, when all of the exhaustion from the past two days finally catches up to me.