Chapter 3
Germany sighed. "No one wants to steal your food, America."
"Yeah, don't worry, America, I brought lots and lots of pasta so no one needs to eat your burgers," Italy said.
America flashed a thumbs up. "Okay, rule number two: the last one to put up their tent loses."
"Um, I don't think that's a rule," Canada said.
"It will be if you lose."
England rubbed his temples. "That makes no sense you imbecile."
"Come on guys," America said as he jumped off the crates and started digging until he produced the tent. "We have to win this."
"I'm not sure what we are winning," Japan said.
"The title of Number One."
"That title is gonna be ours!" Denmark said and unrolled his tent, tossing the contents to Norway and Iceland who made no attempt to catch anything.
"You're on!"
America and Denmark began issuing orders to their less than impressed team.
"Germany, Germany." Italy clutched his arm. "I want to play too."
"Fine," Germany said with a sigh. "We can put our tent up too."
Italy's happy noise was cut short with Romano sliding up behind them. "What do you mean 'our tent'? There's no way I'm letting my brother share a tent with a potato eating bastard."
"But I like sleeping with Germany," Italy whined.
Romano glared at the two of them. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"That Germany is warm and cuddly and doesn't mind if I sleep naked."
Both Romano and Germany turned red.
"How dare you corrupt my little brother, you bastard," Romano said, glaring at Germany with all his might.
"I haven't done anything. It's not like I'm the one sleeping naked."
Spain slid an arm around Romano's shoulder. "What's the big deal? You and I have slept together naked in the same bed."
Romano's blush spread across his whole body. "That's not the same thing!"
"Why not?" Italy asked with a head tilt.
"Because... because," Romano shrugged Spain's arm away and folded his arms. "Because those were siestas so shut up"
"Well if you can sleep with Spain naked then I can sleep with Germany naked," Italy said.
Germany squeezed the bridge of his nose. "I'd rather no one slept naked."
"Good," Romano said and pulled Italy to his side. "Then you can share with Prussia and Italy can share with us."
"So we're all going to sleep together naked?" Spain asked as he ran fingers through Italy's hair.
Romano grabbed Spain's wrist and pulled him away from Italy. "Leave him alone."
"But he's so cute; I just want to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair"
Romano scowled at Spain. "Fine. If you like him so much then you two can share a tent and I'll sleep on my own."
"But I thought you wanted us to share?" Italy asked, eyes wide for once but as confused as ever.
"Spain obviously only wants to share with you."
"What?" Spain asked with a laugh. "Don't be silly."
"I'm not being silly," Romano said, his tone bitter. "You've always wanted my stupid brother and now you get to have him."
"What do you mean by 'have him'?" Germany asked with a frown.
Spain laughed lightly. "You're the one who wanted to share in the first place."
"But you're the one jumping at the idea, bastard!"
"I don't understand," Italy muttered. "It's only camping."
Germany exhaled and inwardly cursed his brother for disappearing and leaving him to deal with two Italians and a Spaniard.
"Oh Romano," Spain said and tried patting Romano's head only for his hand to be knocked roughly away. "Of course I want to share with you, you know you're my favourite little tomato."
Romano's blush returned but he looked less pissed off.
Spain wrapped an arm around Romano's shoulder and this time Romano let him. "Please don't sleep on your own, Romano. It would make me upset and I wouldn't be able to protect you if a big bear came and tried to gobble you up."
"I can look after myself, stupid jerk," Romano grumbled.
"I know," Spain said. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to protect you."
Romano mumbled something and Spain's wide smile returned. He hugged Romano until the Italian struggled from his embrace.
"So..." Italy began, bringing his finger to his mouth as he tried hard to follow a train of thought. "I'm sharing with Germany again?"
Romano's face flooded with anger. "No, you are not sharing with that macho bastard!"
Germany resisted the urge to bang his head into the nearest tree. "Why don't we put up the tents and then argue about who sleeps where?"
"Don't tell me what to do, damn it!"
Germany scanned the crowded clearing for his brother in the hope for some backup. He didn't find Prussia but at least it seemed their group wasn't the only one falling behind in the race.
To their right, Austria and Switzerland were doing their best to ignore one another as Poland sat on the grass braiding Liechtenstein's hair and Lithuania read instructions for putting the tent up.
Lithuania looked up from the paper and cleared his throat. "First we need to unroll the inner tent and peg each corner down."
Austria and Switzerland eyed each other, neither willing to do the work.
"It's your tent," Austria said following a moment of tense silence.
"You're going to be sleeping in it too."
Austria huffed. "It's not like I want to sleep in that old thing. Why couldn't you have bought something nicer like I did?"
"There's nothing wrong with it," Switzerland said, glowering at his neighbour. "And I'm not going to waste money on things I already own."
"Well I wish you would have said something and I could have bought us a tent that had been made this century. I won't be able to sleep on such cheap material."
"If you're complaining so much then why did you give your tent to the girls?"
Austria folded his arms. "Because I am a gentleman and I did not want Hungary sleeping in such an ugly thing."
"Hungary wouldn't care," Switzerland said as he tried not to let Austria wind him up more than he already had. "She can handle not sleeping on silk sheets and getting a little dirt under her fingernails."
"So you would have been happy to leave your little Liechtenstein to sleep in this cheap thing while we shared my luxurious tent?"
"Don't you talk about my Liechtenstein!"
"Well don't talk about my Hungary!"
The two nations glared at each other until a cough broke the silence.
"I, er, don't think the tent is really that bad," Lithuania mumbled. "I mean it's not torn or broken and seems in good condition. I'm sure it'll be more than fine."
Lithuania glanced between Austria and Switzerland hoping he'd managed to calm them down to get some help. He knew it would be useless trying to get Poland to pitch in and he didn't want to be left to put the tent up himself.
"Are you guys, like, still arguing?" Poland asked from his spot on the grass with Liechtenstein. "You know the girls are totally going to win."
"Of course we are," Belgium said and cast her gaze around the clearing to view the lack of progress made by the other teams. "Although it would be hard for us not to win."
"Are you sure I can't help?" Liechtenstein asked.
Hungary shook her head. "We've got it covered. You stay there and enjoy yourself."
"Ok," Liechtenstein said with a nod. "But if you need anything please let me know and I'll do my best to help."
"They're totally fine," Poland said as he ran his fingers through her hair and undid his work before starting over. "Plus it's, like, boring labour and that dress is totally too pretty to get dirty."
An odd noise sounded in the woods behind them. Seychelles turned her head towards the sound and scanned the area. "Did anyone else hear that?" she asked.
"It better not be France trying it on again," Belgium said but a quick glance showed him draping his arms around the nervous looking country with the polar bear.
Lithuania yelped and rubbed the side of his head.
"Like, what was that?" Poland asked.
Lithuania picked up an acorn that had hit him. "I feel like I'm about to have a flashback," he mumbled as more acorns flew in his direction. From the forest a muffled 'kesesese' sounded as an acorn hit the back of Austria's head.
"Don't make me beat you up twice in one day, Prussia," Hungary shouted as she flew towards the source, frying pan in hand like a sword.
"Hungary looks totally hot when she's angry," Poland said as he watched her go.
Austria made a noise.
In the distance they heard a 'thwack' and then a yelp.
"What was that?" Latvia asked, one half constructed tent over.
"I don't know," Estonia replied distractedly, wondering where the nearest Wi-Fi spot was.
"Hey!" China yelled. "Stop slacking off and get back to work. I am not going to lose this race, aru."
Behind him, Russia chuckled as he sat on one of the chairs they'd brought.
"What are you laughing at?" China asked as he turned on Russia.
"I like watching my little China taking command," Russia said with a bright smile. "We will be great partners when you are one with Mother Russia."
China paused for a moment before hitting Russia repeatedly with his bag. "Stop saying creepy things, aru!"
Russia laughed and Estonia and Latvia trembled.
A little further on, Sealand tugged at Sweden's arm. "I'm bored, can't I go play?"
"No," Sweden said. "We need to finish putting up the tent."
"But I want to play fetch with Hanatamago," Sealand said and dropped beside the dog so they could both stare at Sweden with big eyes.
Sweden looked down at them both, his face dark.
Finland swallowed and reached a tentative hand to Sweden before stopping himself. "It'll probably be easier without them to distract us," Finland murmured.
"A family should do things together."
Finland made a noise as he always did when Sweden referred to Finland as his wife or Sealand as their son or themselves as a family. Sometimes he thought, or hoped, that it was a long standing inside joke due to them living together since their split from Denmark but Sweden's humourless face said otherwise.
"Can I play with Hanatamago afterwards?" Sealand asked.
Sweden nodded and patted him on the head.
"Ok," Sealand said, his voice brimming with energy. "But I want to be in charge!"
Sweden watched him run over to the tent with Hanatamago at his heels, his expression a notch less terrifying than usual.
Iceland watched Finland and Sweden join Sealand before he looked back to Denmark scouring the ground for one of the poles he'd thrown. Norway hovered over him, arms crossed as he insulted the smiling Dane while Iceland wished he and Mr Puffin were back on his nice island away from the bickering nations. Or at least he wished they hadn't set up their tent so close to America and his loud mouth or the duo trying to force soil into each other's mouth. Iceland turned to watch Norway slap the back of Denmark's head.
"Idiot," Norway said. "How could you lose the equipment like this?"
Denmark lifted a log, the smile still on his face. "It's not lost, just misplaced. We'll find it eventually."
"You better find it before it gets dark."
"Of course we will," Denmark said and clapped a hand on Norway's shoulder. "You're just eager for us to go skinny dipping so you can see me naked."
"I'd rather see you drown."
He laughed as Iceland called to them. "I think I've found the pole," Iceland said.
They turned to see him pointing to Hanatamago racing by with the pole in his mouth like a stick.
"Thanks, little brother," Denmark shouted and chased after the dog.
"I'm not your brother," Iceland shouted after him but Denmark was gone into the woods.
Iceland sat on a log. "This is going to be a long week."
Mr Puffin grunted in reply.
Japan watched the Dane before turning his attention back to America.
"This tent kicks ass!" America said, grinning with pride. Then he dropped the picture and stared at the twisted mess in front of him. "So why doesn't mine?"
Japan's gaze flicked over their monstrosity. "I believe we should have followed the instructions."
"Heroes don't follow rules," America said and flashed his tooth sparkling smile. "They make up their own laws and do whatever the hell they want."
"I'm not sure that logic applies to the building of three bedroomed tents."
"Please can you hurry up and take this off me?" Canada asked, still holding the entrance to the tent over his head as he'd been doing for the last five minutes.
"Maybe we should take a break and come back to it after we've eaten," America said, oblivious to Canada's request.
"My arms are cramping."
"Perhaps we should concentrate on finishing the tent rather than trying to solve our problems through food," Japan suggested.
"I can't feel my fingers."
"What? No way man, can't you hear my stomach grumbling? I can't even think about fixing this without chowing down on at least another dozen hamburgers."
"Stop ignoring me you stupid hoser!" Canada yelled, his arms trembling above him.
"Whoa, dude, no need to yell." America said and lifted the entrance with one hand. "Next time just say something."
Canada rubbed his arms. "I did say something."
"Then you should speak up." America dropped the entrance and Canada watched in horror as the tent collapsed.
As it hit the ground, England and France came into view, France's face smudged with soil and England's hair littered with grass and twigs. But broke their fight off in the same moment and straightened up.
"What happened to our glorious tent?" France asked as he and England joined America, Japan and Canada at the food crates.
"Canada let go," America said as he slurped his soda.
Canada tried to defend himself but his words were lost beneath England's complaint.
"Then why are you stuffing your fat face again instead of putting it back up? Wasn't this ridiculous camping trip your idea in the first place? Not to mention we're losing the moronic competition you proposed."
America garbled his words in a bite of his burger.
"Kitty!" Italy shouted from the tent to their left.
"I can't believe we're losing to that dolt," England said as he watched Italy roll around on the grass with a cat tugged to his chest.
"I think he is cute," France said with a smile.
"I think he's brain damaged."
They watched him play with the cat whilst America chewed on fries and Canada introduced himself to his bear and almost missed Greece approaching them until he was at their tent.
"Hello," Greece said slowly, aiming his words mostly at Japan.
"Konnichiwa, Greece-san," Japan said with a bow.
"What are you doing here?" England asked with narrowed eyes.
Greece shrugged. "I had nothing else going on."
France wrapped himself around Greece. "Well I for one are glad you are here," France cooed into his ear.
"Where's your camping gear?" Canada asked.
Greece didn't answer until England repeated the question.
"Umm…" The pause went on for a while and just as they were sure he wasn't going to answer he spoke up again. "I didn't bring anything."
"You can share our tent, dude, but you can't share our food. We're already rationing it out," America spread his body across the crates in defence of his beloved burgers.
"That's alright, America-san," Japan said. "Greece-san can share my portion of food."
"Cool," America said and returned to his meal.
"So who's sharing with who?" Canada asked.
"Sexy Greece can share my room," France said as his hand wandered Greece's chest, though Greece didn't seem to mind.
"I'd rather share with Japan," Greece said.
"Too bad, Japan has already said he wanted to share with me," England said and folded his arms.
Greece cocked his head. "But I came to spend time with Japan."
"You can spend time with me," France purred.
After a moment of contemplation, Greece shook his head. "No thanks."
"Fine." France threw in an overdramatic sigh. "Break my heart and share with Japan then. I guess I'm back with mon Angleterre."
England shot France a threatening look. "You're not back with me, wine-breath, we were never sharing to begin with."
"How will I ever cope without waking up to the furry caterpillars above your eyes," France said in mock sadness.
America snorted. "Oh man, they look exactly like caterpillars."
England turned his glare on America. "Don't make me bring up your weight problem, America."
The grin fell from America's face.
"Do not be sad, Amérique," France said and sauntered to his side. "I will cheer you up when we're sleeping together."
America's blue eyes widened. Then he ran behind England and wrapped his arms around England's waist. "I'm sharing with England," America said firmly.
"What about me?" Canada mused.
"Who?" Kumajirou asked.
"Me."
"Who?"
"Canadia!"
"Oh honhonhon." France sidled up to Canada and snaked an arm around his shoulder. "It's look like we are going to be sleeping together."
Canada hugged Kumajirou closer and mumbled some words that were ignored.
"And we are done!" Hungary shouted as she, Seychelles, Belgium, Liechtenstein and Poland stood in front of their tent.
"Yeah, we totally kicked your butts," Poland said with a flick of his blond hair.
"You know you're not actually with them," Lithuania pointed out as America fell to his knees.
"I can't believe we lost," he muttered into his hands.
"Really?" England said sarcastically with a glance to their mangled, half caved in tent.
"You guys turned me into a loser."
"I did no such thing!" France said and turned up his nose.
"You might have won," Denmark shouted across the clearing, "but we're going to come second."
America perked up and pointed at Denmark. "No way dude, that title is ours."
I meant to have this posted last weekend but to be honest it began to sag in the middle and I wasn't sure whether to rewrite the entire chapter or try and fix it and after I while I lost the will to keep working on it. In the end I decided to push on through and so I finished it but I don't think it's as good or funny as my previous chapters.
Also you'll be as glad as I am that the tent saga is now over and the next chapter will be more focused with clearer scenes. I'm also contemplating the nations playing 'I Never' so if you have any good suggestions for any country I'd be glad to hear them.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed and hit the follow and/or favourite button.