"Traumatic event." She whispers.

"You woke up and kept asking me where Matthew was. It was heart wrenching to explain the whole thing to you. You cried a lot, you were basically always crying. You kept screaming that it wasn't fair, that you couldn't bear losing another child… You wouldn't even let me touch you. It was terrible, there was nothing in our house that could lead to whoever did that shitty thing to us. And then you forgot. It happened suddenly, at the beginning, I didn't even notice. Then you started asking me why you were wearing a patient gown and I understood that something was off. They said it was temporary and that you would regain your memory in just a matter of time and I believed them, how could I not ? I spent my days crying and so did you, but not for the same reason. I couldn't believe that our son was missing and that you didn't even know it. You kept crying because we wouldn't explain what was going on, but how could we ? I guess you perfectly know that people who suffer from any kind of memory loss are particularly fragile. We couldn't risk making it worse. The days passed and you started being kind of violent."

She looks at me, tears pouring down her face. During these months we felt so distant… But now…

It's weird. I feel close to her, like I haven't been in months. I still hope to see something in her eyes, but she just looks in terrible pain. I desperately want my words to trigger something in her brain, but I feel useless.

"When they found our son, I hoped he would trigger something in your brain to make you remember what had happened. You know, Matthew was missing for four days, which is a lot… But I thought you'd slowly remember everything since the traumatic event… We got to hold him for hours, but you wouldn't recognize him. Your mind was stuck to when we broke up after those thirty days apart. At the beginning you thought Matthew was a patient, then you started thinking of him as my son.

You couldn't remember what had happened after our break up. You slowly started behaving in a very uncommon way… You would scream all the time and you started being violent towards whoever was next to you… Even to yourself. I had to have you admitted here for your own safety."

"Have me admitted ?" She looks so confused.

"Yes… You've been living in this facility for about six months now. I've been coming here every single day since the day you were admitted… I wanted to be as close to you as I possibly could. You looked better for a while and I took you home with me, but you destroyed everything the moment I left the house to go grocery shopping and, when I got back, I found you sitting on the floor with burn marks on your arms. You said it didn't hurt and that you wanted to feel in power for once and regain your independence because I wouldn't let you do anything.

It was awful and I knew I couldn't take care of you and two children while working. It was hard, but I did what was better for our family."

"What happened, oh my God, Arizona what did you do ?! Are you alright ?" She screamed, but the woman sitting on the floor wouldn't even lift her chin. Callie kneeled down next to her wife and examined the marks on her arms. She got her phone from her pocket and dialled Meredith's number

"Hey, it's Callie… Listen, can you see if Jackson is available ?" She talked while she tried to treat her wife's burns. "Arizona burned herself while I was gone."

She helped the blonde back on her feet and kept asking why she would hurt herself that way. For a moment, she felt grateful she'd taken both their children to the day care, or they would have seen their mama like that. She had tried to keep Arizona from being too violent or snappy whenever they were around… Sofia was probably big enough to understand that "mama is having a rough time, baby", but Matthew was just a baby. He wouldn't remember, of course… But still.

"I felt like I needed to do something for myself." Arizona said. Her voice was weird, she didn't sound like herself anymore. She hadn't been herself for months. Her voice was just a plus. "I wanted to feel free, like you told me to."

Callie's jaw dropped. In that moment, she realized that her wife's memory was stuck to their last break up. She felt like she couldn't breathe for a second. Everything stopped and she looked at her beloved wife's eyes. She looked defiant. Like if she wanted to make Callie suffer.

Still.

I don't know why I feel scared of how she's going to react now. Maybe months and months of screaming and trying to cut my head off might have a part in this. She doesn't look angry, though. Her face isn't red, her eyes aren't bloodshot, her hands aren't tight. She looks… Terrified. Which is different and might be a good sign.

"Have I ever harmed you or the kids ?" She asks me. The fear in her voice makes me shiver.

"You have harmed me a couple of times, maybe more… But never the kids. At the beginning, you would just play with Sofia and I would stay close… Then I started to understand the signs before a crisis and I could pay less attention to what you both were doing. You've never actually broke down in front of either of them, if we don't consider last week… Maybe they can kind of calm you down. I guess you've had more chances to harm me, rather than them."

"Alright, that's good. That's good. What did I do to you, though ?"

I wonder how she must feel right now. I don't know if her heart is stuck where her mind is… Which would make us broken up… Is she still mad at me because I left her in that stupid office ? Can her heart remember how happy we've been since we were together again ? Can her brain remember all the kisses and the way she would hold my hand and whisper "I love you" anytime we were walking together ?

Can she remember how much we are in love ?

"You broke my nose about a week after the whole thing happened." I explain, quietly. "You were on your hospital bed an-…"

"I elbowed you."

I can't believe what she just said.

She elbowed me right in the nose and I fell backwards and managed to hit my head on the wall.

"I elbowed you and you fell, right ?"

She looks hopeful, I'm not sure I can talk anymore. I surely didn't think elbowing me would make her remember everything that happened in the past years.

"You did." I manage to say. "You did."

I'm crying now. I'm crying like a baby and I can't take my eyes off her, everything feels so heavy right now. These months of waiting and hoping are making my shoulders tremble, but I'm sure I'll be able to recover with her by my side. Months and months of suffering without her might be coming to an end.

It might be over.

"These four lonely walls have change the way I feel, the way I feel, I'm standing still. And nothing else matters now, you're not here, so where are you ? I've been calling you, I'm missing you. Where else can I go ? Where else can I go chasing you. Memories turn to dust, please don't bury us, I got you."