A/N: So this chapter ended up a lot more intense than I had planned, I put the blame firmly with Gabriel, who just wanted to be a dick and won. But extra drama is always good, I guess.
Chapter 3
"Come on, I want you to listen to something!" Dean bounced excitedly on the heels of his feet, just short of grabbing Castiel by the wrist and pulling him out the door. He didn't even allow him time to put on a coat. Castiel couldn't help but be intrigued by what had Dean so excited. He had never seen him this animated. With a quick "I'll be back in a second" aimed at the general direction of his wife somewhere in the house, he followed the boy out, immediately realising that a coat actually would have been a good idea in the cold December air, but followed him across the road to his house regardless.
"Wait here," Dean said, coming to a stop in front of the black old-timer. Castiel raised an eyebrow questioningly as Dean pulled out the keys to the car and without hesitation unlocked the door and sitting himself behind the wheel.
"Erm, Dean?! I don't think you are of legal age to be driving a car," Castiel all but squawked. He had no idea what Dean was up to but no way was he aiding and abetting in some underage joy riding.
Dean just laughed and shook his head at Castiel. "Dude, I know that. Just, listen!" he exclaimed, the grin on his face getting even bigger as he turned the key and the car came to life with a low, loud rumbling noise that startled the older man.
"Isn't that the most beautiful sound you've ever heard?" Dean popped his head out the window he had rolled down and grinned like Christmas had come early.
Castiel didn't quite know how to reply to that. To him it was just noise. Loud noise. If his car would be making that kind of racket, he would be sure to bring it to a garage to have it checked over. Still, to Dean it seemed like music and his smile was catching.
"I … guess so?" Castiel answered, still eyeing the monster of a car suspiciously, yet smiling back at the boy.
"Man, should have guessed, you're not the car loving type." Dean chuckled as he pulled the key out of the ignition and got out the car again.
"Well, I certainly can appreciate their benefit in as far as getting you from A to B without having to rely on public transport. But, no, not really," Castiel agreed, suddenly feeling a bit foolish, like he should know about cars and was being shown up by a thirteen year old. But at least it was not any teenager. Dean had proven himself to be very clever as well as versatile and handy in all sorts of areas, now apparently adding being a mechanic to that list. Subsequently, Castiel's ego remained relatively intact.
"But, I thought your car was not working?" he remembered having asked about the car before and Dean having said it wasn't in working condition.
"Well, now it does! Dad and I spent a few nights on the engine and now it purrs like a kitten."
At that Castiel laughed. He could think of many other descriptions for that noise other than 'purring'. But before he could conjure up a long list of exactly what, the fact that Dean had been working on it with his dad got his attention.
"Your dad knows about cars then?" He didn't want to pry too much as he had experienced before how quickly Dean could shut down when asked about his family but he was curious nonetheless and Dean seemed to be in a sharing mood.
"Yes, he learned it from Uncle Bobby. Well, Bobby's not really our uncle, but we call him that anyway. He's an old friend of the family. We don't see him very often any more. He's too far away now. When they were younger he taught my dad how to fix up cars and dad had always promised that one day we would get the Impala to work. It was a total wreck when we got it from Bobby a few years ago. And then, with mom's accident and everything, he didn't really have the time to spend on the car." Dean's face fell temporarily, and just like that, he had Castiel's full attention. It wasn't often that the boy opened up about anything to do with his mom. It was Sammy who had told them at one point that their mom had died in a car crash. Dean generally avoided the topic altogether.
There was a temporary tension in the air as Dean suddenly looked so vulnerable and much younger than his cocky thirteen year old self, and Castiel was unsure of how to proceed. Should he press for more information, give him a comforting pat on the back or just ignore this? It took Dean but a second to get control of his emotions again and soon enough his trade mark smirk was back on his face. But Castiel would not forget that lost look on his face anytime soon. There had been too much hurt and loneliness in it, a look no kid of Dean's age should possess. And for a moment Castiel was grateful for his own family, no matter how strict and weird it was and how much he'd normally rather be apart than with them. At least they were all still alive and in their own way, Castiel knew they cared for him.
Dean's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Well, he had too much on his plate but since he's got the new job, he's really feeling better and started to work on the engine with me." The teenager patted the car affectionately. "Soon we can take it out on a spin, and he promised me when I'm sixteen I can have the car. Isn't that amazing? Just imagine, Castiel, taking a trip down the road in THIS."
Dean's excitement was infectious. Castiel smiled at the way Dean just came to life when talking about the car. He felt moved that he actually had thought it worthwhile sharing this clearly very important thing in his life with him. Also, their dad finally stepping up to the plate and spending some quality time with his boys was good news. Dean deserved some happiness.
"Yes, I can see that. The car will suit you," Castiel joked, but he could actually see Dean sitting in the car, driving down a long open road, just enjoying the drive.
"Promise you get first dibs on a ride, after Sammy that is." Dean chuckled before his eyes went wide in realisation. At what point had the idea of Castiel (and by proxy Amelia) in their lives become a constant to Dean? He felt a temporary pang of panic at this revelation. He should not allow himself to go down that road. People ultimately either disappoint or leave. Or life was being a bitch and tore someone right from under your nose and out of your life. Like having some stupid drunken bastard crash into them in the middle of the road while they were just going about their business. Dean had to swallow back the emotions that were threatening to surface. And Castiel was looking at him with his steely blue eyes like he could see right through him and it unnerved Dean all of a sudden.
"You're ok?" Dean had already anticipated the question, the crack in his veneer obvious. The day had started so well, when did it turn into this emotional mess? He swallowed hard and put on his practiced smile, nodding.
"Why wouldn't I? Just look at this awesome beauty, plus it's Christmas in a few days and Sammy is so excited. Dad got us a real tree and Sammy spent all of yesterday decorating it, almost pulling the damn thing over in his excitement." And just like that his fake grin turned into a real one. Just remembering his dork of a brother balancing on a chair, insisting it should be him putting the Christmas angel on top was enough to chase any dread away. He was so happy that Sammy would be getting a proper Christmas this year, not the warmed up stew and poor excuse for a tree he had to put up with last year because their dad had been on a two day bender, not being able to face Christmas.
Dean had worked out his father's patterns over the years. Family occasions like birthdays and Christmas always brought out the worst in him; apparently he felt the loss of his wife worst at those times. And Dean, determined to not let Sammy suffer because of it, had picked up the reigns and did his best to give him something to remember anyway. Maybe this year it really would be the first time in over three years they would manage to all celebrate together.
Castiel had a mirroring grin on his face, imagining Sammy balancing and refusing to let anyone help him. He had come to admire that about the kid. His sheer determination to try new things and not to give up even if he got it wrong the first time.
"Maybe Sammy could come and decorate our Christmas tree for us," Castiel chuckled, not exactly knowing where that had come from.
"Oh man! I bet he'd love to. I'll tell him when he gets back. He and dad are out clothes shopping right now."
Castiel nodded, he had wondered where Dean's brother was, but hearing he's out with their dad was good. Maybe he should actually try to reintroduce himself to their father, now that he seemed to be more amenable. Perhaps he really did just catch him at a bad time all those months ago.
"Of course you're invited too. Just come over whenever, and if your dad wants to, he could come along as well."
"I'll ask him. Although probably we'll come over while he's off to work, if that's ok." Dean was not so sure yet, meeting their dad was a good idea, but maybe if their dad continued to stay off the alcohol for a bit longer. For now he was just happy Sammy would be getting the Christmas he deserved.
"Ok, I will see you later then. But if I don't go back inside now, I'm afraid I might turn into an icicle."
"Of course, sorry, Castiel. I, - you really should have put on a coat." Dean took in the shivering form of the man in front of him. Lips already turned a slight colour of blue.
"Well, you were, rather persuasive that this was a life or death situation." Castiel cocked his head and Dean realised he might have maybe been a bit overenthusiastic about the car.
"Sorry, I swear next time I'll give you time to grab a coat." Dean laughed and watched the retreating form of Castiel until he was back safely inside his house. Dean got back in the car, revving the engine up again, just because he could do that now, and enjoyed the amazing sound coming from his baby.
#
He had not expected that the next occasion requiring Dean to drag him out of his house and into the cold would come quite so soon. Also, he had not foreseen that it would be under much more dire circumstances than the last time.
It was the afternoon of Christmas day, and Castiel currently had to sit through an excruciating Christmas lunch with Balthazar and Gabriel, plus their wives and four children, who were testing his patience. They were nothing like Sammy and Dean. They were loud and obnoxious and self entitled, just like their parents, and Castiel could imagine exactly what those kids would be like in twenty years' time.
From the moment they had set foot in his and Amelia's home, they had been on a roll about the awful neighbourhood, and dire state of the house (they should have seen it when they first moved here, Castiel thought indignantly, being rather proud of all the work that they had done to the place over the last few months.) Balthazar was not shutting up about the fact that surely they could have afforded somewhere (anywhere) better, and whether he should be scared leaving his brand new Toyota out the front drive, basically being his pompous self.
Why Amelia put up with him and his stupid family he would never understand but he was eternally grateful for it. At least they were spared the full-on Novak experience, well, at least until New Year's Eve, when everyone was expected back at the Novak family home for the annual family gathering. It should have been Christmas as per previous years, but Raphael and his wife were currently overseas and could not make it back in time for Christmas, Anna had just given birth to her second child, and their mother had decided that she should stay with her and help her in the first couple of weeks.
Still, two brothers for two days was a challenge. Gabriel was getting more obnoxious the more eggnog he guzzled, pulling Castiel's leg over the fact that he hadn't managed to knock up his wife yet. Castiel knew exactly where that jab was aimed at. Gabriel was the only one who knew about his predisposition. Castiel had been unlucky enough to have been under the scrutiny of his brother one evening as the family had gathered together to watch some drama on TV. He had gotten very hot and uncomfortable, as he watched the scene of two men kissing on screen unfold, shocked and embarrassed at feeling himself getting aroused and desperately trying to hide this fact from the rest of the family.
Unfortunately he had not managed to escape Gabriel's observational skills. His older brother had cornered him later that evening, saying he would keep his 'dirty little secret' and that he couldn't care less what he got up to in his spare time. He had advised him to get it out of his system, as long as he understood that one day he would be expected to find a nice girl and settle down because there was no way their parents would accept a 'fag' in their family. Well, how could he have not understood that! As if the way their parents had been dismissing the scene and went on about 'what this country was coming to, showing these unnatural urges on prime time television', had not been clear enough.
Castiel remembered this all like it was yesterday, especially the way that word had stung. And even after all these years, having done everything that had been expected of him, married and settled, Gabriel still couldn't let it slide. He really was insufferable even when sober, and paired with alcohol he just became infinitely annoying.
So when there was a loud knock on the door ('Really, Castiel, you haven't even installed a doorbell yet?!'), Castiel initially couldn't have been happier to have this little party broken up. That lasted for all but 2.5 seconds, until he set eyes on a red eyed and panic stricken Dean.
"Dean? Is everything ok?"
"Have you seen Sammy?" Dean's voice was frantic, drawing the attention of Castiel's brothers who were not even hiding the fact that they were prying, standing in the hallway, raising their eyebrows at the weird arrival at the door.
"No, why… what happened?"
"Sammy ran off. He and dad had a big fight because work called and needed dad to come in as half the staff was ill and Sammy just snapped and left. I thought maybe he went to yours." Dean looked up and noticed the accumulation of unfamiliar faces behind Castiel.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't want to interrupt. I just…" Dean was already retreating and walking off down the road when Castiel shouted after him. He had exchanged a quick glance with his wife and she had given him a silent nod, as he grabbed his coat and followed Dean.
"Dean, wait. I'll help you look for him," he yelled, running up to the boy.
Dean stopped and looked at Castiel, gobsmacked. "Why… I mean, really you don't have to. I didn't want to interrupt your Christmas."
"Dean, I'm offering. I know how much you care for Sammy, and believe it or not, so do we. And we care about you. No way am I letting you run around this neighbourhood alone on Christmas day. It's almost dark."
Dean would not cry, no, he would not. But his nerves were just so frayed from seeing his dad and brother fight, from worry of not knowing where Sammy was and the fact that yet again, they would be on their own at Christmas, that he couldn't help a tear escape.
"Dean, just accept the help," Castiel implored.
"Thanks," Dean gave a small nod, a chocked up sob escaping him. He wiped his eyes, finding his emotional balance again and focused on the task at hand.
There was no sign of Sammy anywhere. Where would an upset nine year old kid even run to? Castiel's and Amelia's place had been Dean's best bet and now he and the older man were just walking the streets randomly, asking the odd person that was actually out on this day, whether they had spotted an upset nine year old with long brown hair and venturing into the few shops that were open today.
They hadn't even realised how far they had walked and before long found themselves in the part of their neighbourhood that Castiel normally tried to avoid. Still, maybe Sammy had run to here not knowing where to go. Castiel spotted a group of young men, huddling around a barrel, warming their hands on the fire that was burning inside.
He didn't even spare a thought about any possible danger as he walked up to them and asked in a friendly fashion whether they had noticed a kid of about so high, with unruly brown hair in the neighbourhood. These kids couldn't have been much older than Dean, Castiel judged by their looks but that was where the comparisons stopped. They started to sneer at him, making fun of the way he was talking and he could swear they were drunk.
Dean was walking out of the newsagents he had gone inside of to ask if they had seen Sammy, scanning the road for Castiel, his mind going immediately into fight or flight mode when he noticed the way the gang was starting to crowd in on Castiel. He was quickly making his way across the road when he saw a flash of silver and he knew immediately that Castiel was in danger.
"Castiel, RUN!" he shouted, as he watched one of the kids pull out the knife. Castiel jerked his head around, looking at Dean, about to question his outburst. But the sheer panic in the boy's eyes made him do exactly as he was told, and he took off. Both of them ran down the street, hearing the array of footsteps behind them. Luckily both he and Dean were fast runners and after a minute or so the gang thought it pointless trying to keep up with them. Still, they carried on until they felt a safe enough distance away. Castiel, by now out of breath, leaning against a wall and promising to himself that he would have to think about joining a gym or take up running.
Dean suddenly burst out half laughing, half crying. Castiel initially wasn't sure which it was. "Man. You really aren't very street wise are you?" he rasped out between trying to catch his breath.
Castiel could feel his own laughter bubbling up inside his throat. The whole surrealism of the situation suddenly hitting him and threatening to spill out in hysterical laughter. "I agree," he managed before he did just that, leaning against the wall in fits of giggles.
"That was, well, exhilarating," Castiel gasped, having trouble to get in enough air.
"That's one way of putting it." Dean was half bent over, resting his hands on his legs and breathing hard. He looked up at Castiel and his face fell.
"Shit, you're bleeding." Dean's panicked voice rang through the empty street as he scrambled to Castiel's side and looked at his arm, where a stain of blood had formed on his beige trenchcoat.
"Oh," was all the man was able to say as he stared in shock at his arm, and the cut in the material of the coat. He had never been injured in a fight before and his brain had trouble processing that concept.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry." Dean grabbed Castiel's arm, inspecting the cut. "I'm so sorry, I should have not brought you along, I'm so sorry Cas." Dean knew he was panicking over nothing, it was clearly only a cut, but he could not help it. He had put this man in danger, had roped him into his family's problems and as always, people got hurt.
"I'm sorry Cas," he kept repeating over and over until he felt strong warm hands on either side of his face pulling it up, so he had no choice but to look into Castiel's blue eyes.
"Dean, it's ok. Look at me, it's ok." His steady low voice starting to work its way under Dean's skin and making him calm down. Also those eyes, looking at him full of concern and warmth, and how had Dean never realised quite how blue they actually were?
Castiel was still mumbling things to him but he could not pay attention, instead being drawn in by the man's eyes.
"Hey, Dean, you're with me?" Castiel had removed his hands from Dean's face and was gently shaking him at the shoulders.
"What? I mean, yes, I'm ok, but you Cas, your arm."
"I'm no expert but I'm sure it's only a surface wound. I bet once it's all cleaned up I'll be as good as new, maybe have a blood-test just to be sure, but it will be fine, Dean, don't worry."
"No Cas, I should not have brought you, it was not your problem…"
"Dean, please. You did not do anything wrong. And I'm glad you came to me for help, made it my problem, because you should not shoulder this alone. And can I tell you a secret?" he said smiling at Dean, who nodded curiosity getting the better of him.
"I should thank you for saving me from a dreadful dinner experience. This was so much more 'fun'." And Dean chuckled at the actual air quotes Castiel used. "Seriously, I don't know how long it would have been before I would have throttled one of them."
And the very sincere look Castiel shot his way, the 'I'm dead serious about this' look, gave Dean no other option but to laugh, the tension and panic leaving his body.
"Also… Cas?" Castiel asked, smirking and raising an eyebrow at Dean. And for a second Dean just looked confused before realisation dawned on his face, a face that was suddenly feeling very much too warm.
"Oh, yeah. Well – it's just something I kinda started calling you in my head. You know, Castiel is a bit of a mouthful and… that ok?" Dean stammered suddenly feeling very foolish.
Castiel just laughed. "Why wouldn't it? Although I don't think anyone has ever called me that."
"What? No nicknames?" Dean didn't quit get it. He understood people not really shortening his name, well not much to shorten there but really?
"No, my family is rather formal and we're not big on names of endearment and Amelia, well, she somehow took to calling me Cassie." Cas shrugged, and Dean chuckled, "Yeah, I noticed."
They were interrupted by Castiel's phone going off. It was Amelia informing them that Sam had showed up at their house about five minutes ago, shivering and cold but otherwise ok and that he wanted his brother. Dean let out a relieved sigh at the news and could feel his earlier worry turning into anger, and he was sure he needed to give his brother a good telling off for running out on him like that. But even with this good news, he couldn't help being concerned for Castiel.
"You think we need to stop off at the hospital?" Dean asked pointing at the man's arm.
Castiel examined the cut, blood already coagulated at its edges and shook his head.
"No, don't think so. But I should probably not leave it much longer to clean it out. Come on kiddo, let's go home and see your brother," Castiel said, loosely slinging his arm around Dean, still somewhat high on adrenaline from all that had happened in the last half an hour and less formal than he would normally be. Dean nodded and let himself be led down the street, resting his head against Cas' arm. He had no idea why, but the term 'kiddo' bothered him. He was not a kid anymore, hell he was what kept their family together, he had nothing in common with those snotty stupid pre-pubescent thirteen year olds, and he hoped Cas of all people would be able to see that.
#
Once the Winchester boys had been reunited, Sammy sufficiently hugged and told off by his brother, Castiel's wound cleaned up and the virtually new coat put in the recycling (much to Castiel's dismay), Amelia had been adamant the boys stay for some Christmas food and wouldn't take no for an answer.
She put them in the spare bedroom, where the rest of the kids were watching TV and Dean had not been too happy about that. He rather would have stayed with Cas, still feeling guilty for what had happened and wanting to make sure the man was ok. And maybe he had been hovering a bit while they cleaned up Cas' arm, but Castiel didn't seem to mind. On the contrary, Dean had the impression he valued his company, especially once his brothers started to open their mouths. They really were dicks and Dean didn't much like them at all and he might have glared at them a bit. He hated the way they were treating Cas, winding him up and rattling his chain. After five minutes of observing, Dean understood exactly what Castiel had meant when he said he had been glad for the rescue.
On top of that, the other kids were a good few years younger than him and seemed like spoilt brats, not really paying him or Sammy any attention other than an initial curious look at who the two intruders were. Dean definitely felt too old to be sitting at the 'kids' table' but he knew Amelia meant well and also the adults probably had stuff to talk about. Plus he didn't want to leave Sammy on his own, so he made himself comfortable next to his brother and tried to enjoy the film that was on.
Castiel was standing at the kitchen sink, having slunk out of the living room, and pouring himself a well deserved glass of Brandy. He really had enough. His brothers were not letting go of the fact that he got himself 'stabbed' and if that was not a clear sign for them to move away from here they didn't know what Castiel was waiting for. Of course their 'perfect' wives all but agreed with them. All the 'wait until mom hears about this' and 'what are those kids to you anyway, this is supposed to be a family occasion', was still ringing in his ears. He heard footsteps approaching and knew instantly it was Gabriel. He had spent many years growing up getting accustomed to each of his siblings' individual shuffle.
"So, you're into picking up strays now? Seriously, can't get your own brood and what, just take someone else's?" He said condescendingly while pouring his own drink and leisurely slumping himself down on a kitchen chair.
"Don't call them that. You don't even know them. They're good kids." Castiel was not in the mood for this. He could see on Gabriel's face that he was here to get a reaction out of him, it used to be his favourite pastime when they were younger and Castiel already knew he would give it to him. He was too tired, too cold and too goddamn upset with the world and its unfairness as a whole right now to be reasonable.
"Oh touchy, bro. But honestly, haven't they got their own family to spend Christmas with?"
"Guess what Gabriel. Not everyone is as lucky us. Some people actually have to work at Christmas and haven't got a whole lot of family as backup. And in case it might have escaped you, Christmas time is actually a time where we should care for other people, as much as that concept might be alien to you. And really, if you haven't got anything useful to say, just keep your opinions to yourself!" This was probably the most vocal he had ever been with his older brother, and it felt good. Maybe a near death experience (ok, he knew he was being dramatic but whatever) was all that he needed to finally find the balls to stand up to his brothers.
Gabriel let out a huff of laughter, as always turning everything into a joke, and took a big gulp of his drink.
"Look who's finally all grown up. About time bro. Just a word of warning," Gabriel leaned dramatically across the table, staring straight at his younger brother, wiggling his eyebrows mysteriously. "I don't know what it is that's going on between you and that kid but it's not good."
"Nothing is going on there. WHAT are you even implying?" Castiel snapped back, glaring at his brother. "Oh wait… right!" Anger was working itself across Castiel's face. "The weird one, the one with the abnormal urges, of course just wants to get inside some kids pants. Because we are all just sick, right? That what you're implying?" Castiel was livid, even for his brother that was a low blow.
"Relax, 'm not implying anything. Honestly, believe it or not little bro, I'm just trying to look out for you. I know the look on that boy's face when he looks at you and it ain't good. You can be a bit naïve at the best of times, and well, he wouldn't be the first - what is he - fifteen year old to want to find himself a sugar daddy."
"He is THIRTEEN," Castiel shouted way too loud for such a private conversation, flinching at his own tone. "And he is not like that, and I am not into that. Screw you for even thinking that about him. AND I'm married. What else do you want me to do? Can't you ever leave this alone?" Castiel stormed out of the kitchen and straight into his study, into his world. His books and research made him feel safe, in control and right now he was really in need of both, before he would go and sock his brother. Apparently no matter what he did, this would always follow him. But Gabriel had really sunk to a new low, even implying he would be able to take advantage of another human being like that.
He had no idea how much time had gone by when he heard a timid knock on the door.
"If that's you Gabriel, I don't have anything else to say to you." He snarled. The door opened regardless and Castiel was just about to open his mouth to shout at his brother when he was met with the nervous gaze of Dean. Immediately his face relaxed and he gave the kid a small smile.
"Hey. I'm, we're about to head home and I just wanted to say, you know, thank you again, and … how's the arm?"
Castiel let out a bitter laugh. He actually had forgotten about his arm, being too angry at his brother. "The arm's fine, I think." He held it out for Dean to have a look and satisfy his own curiosity.
"Tough night? That why you're hiding in here?" Dean said after shuffling his feet for a moment, not really wanting to leave.
"Would you believe me if I said I had to work?" Castiel asked, working his fingers through his hair, making it stand up in funny directions.
"No," Dean simply said and Castiel really appreciated Dean's bluntness.
"Well, family. Can't live with them, can't live without them." Then, after looking at Dean and smiling at him fondly, he added, "you and Sammy, what you have is special, I wish me and my brothers could be like that, even just a bit."
"Oh, we fight plenty," Dean huffed amused.
"Yeah, but you also have each other's back and it is evident how much you care for each other. Me, I sometimes wonder whether my only purpose in this family is to serve as entertainment for my brothers. Sorry, I shouldn't burden you with my issues. You were about to go home. Will you father be back from work?"
"Think so, but either way, Sammy has to be in bed by nine so yeah, I better go. Bye Cas." Dean said smiling at the man and adding a little wave before leaving.
"Bye Dean," Castiel replied, suddenly feeling very tired by the whole day's events and just wanting to hit the pillow. He knew he had to go down and say goodnight to all of them, to at least keep a little face. Also he didn't want to upset his wife more than she probably already was by his behaviour earlier. Most of all, he just wanted to forget that the last couple of hours ever happened. Well, he survived twenty-six years with his family; he surely could survive another day with two of them.