Women

"Ah nineteen years mah Pa forced meh te do sometin because he believed eh lacked…experience. He made meh do sometin' so violating." Duff told a friend of his, 12 years since the incident. She listened so intently.

"What did he make you do?" she asked gently, putting a hand on his. They sat on Duff's couch, turned to each other in deep conversation. The topic? Memory lane.

Duff didn't reply, but instead he looked away. He couldn't find the right words. He just couldn't say it. For once in the longest time, he couldn't get himself to speak up. Duff was staggered at how she made him feel so bottomless these last few weeks. She made him bring back feelings he thought he had hidden in his personal cave forever.

"Tell me what happened, Duff." She asked, squeezing his hand a little. He looked at her.

At 19 years old, Duff was living a pretty good life. He was rich, popular, and talented. To celebrate winning a National Golf Championship, he and a few golfing buddies went out for some drinks at a local bar. Whenever Duff would go to a bar, it was never anything special. In fact, he was somewhat bored at times due to the recurring tactics he endured. Not any different from any other night, Duff and his friends entered the establishment and sat down at the bar itself. Duff ordered a whiskey, and most of his friends ordered the same. A few, here and there, every so often, to spice the night up a little, would order a scotch or something different. Duff's buddies would light a few cigarettes, Duff would light a cigar, and he would watch as all the guys around him claim that they were going to approach a certain lassie and invite her for a drink or something. Bets were made, and as the night carried out some bets were won and some were lost. Often times, Duff and his friends were the ones being approached. A jolt of self-esteem, pride, and excitement ran through the young Scottish golfer whenever a woman started talking to him or tried to pick him up. With his career being solid and nearly perfect, the approaches were always an extra boost to his confidence. Duff grew up feeling sorry for himself, but for once in his life he was happy. He was happy to feel like women were actually interested in him. He grew up thinking the opposite. Though Duff felt going to the bar was too cyclical, he went because he enjoyed that boost.

Duff respected women. He was shy, and he was a gentleman. He was always polite, friendly, and never said anything violating. He took relationships slow, but never had a girlfriend. He was a complete and total virgin, which appalled many people when he told them. He never had sex, he never kissed a girl, and he's never even been on a date. Growing up, Duff's romantic life was nonexistent. So, the late nights he started having with his friends from golf were quite exciting. Being hit on gave Duff more than could possibly be said. It didn't just make him self-confident…it made him feel like he was beginning to live.

On this particular night of interest, Duff went home feeling rather good as he typically did. He took the boat from the mainland where he was dropped off back to his home island. It wasn't that far of a boat ride, though the transportation was enough to be tedious. Duff docked the boat, jogged up the lawn, put in his key to unlock the door, went in, closed and locked the door, and turned around to see his father sitting in a chair before him.

"Yer home late, lad." He grumbled with an unfriendly tone.

Duff paused and looked at his father, still holding the key. He was almost a bit afraid of replying. Especially in these situations, it was never a good sign. Something was up.

"Eh…didn't know eh had eh curfew." Duff mumbled innocently.

Allan stirred in his seat. "No, ye don'. Yer old enough te be out as late as ye want now."

Duff was surprised. Was his father actually…respecting his actions? Was Allan allowing him his freedom without putting up a fight?

Duff nod his head and tried walking away, but the conversation wasn't over yet. Allan spoke up again.

"Went to te bar again, did ye?"

Duff paused again and stopped walking. He stood still and didn't turn around. He nod his head.

Allan stood up from his chair and Duff heard. In response he gulped.

"Do some drinkin'…some flirtin'?"

Duff turned his head slightly. He felt his whole body was cold and stiff as cardboard. As soon as he nod his head again, Allan grabbed him and spun around. Duff felt like his heart nearly jumped out of his skull from the scare.

"Flirtin' aye, but nothin' else? Never anythin' else…yer nineteen Duffaile, an' nae once 'ave ye brought home eh lass te the fam!"

So that's what this was about.

"Oh jus' because eh haven' found eh lass ehm so fond of tha' makes meh social life an issue?" Duff said, acting a bit snippy. He regretted acting this way to his father immediately, for it made him angry. And Duff had enough experience to know never to make his father angry.

"Yer brer is gettin' married soon, an' eh've never even seen ye 'ave any interest in eh lass! Yer career isn' everythin'….ye need te find yerself eh wife!"

"What?" Duff was completely astounded. Where was this coming from? "Call meh old fashioned Pa, but ehm nae goin' te go out an look fer eh wife. Love will come teh meh when it comes teh meh. Ehm content where eh am righ' now. Eh don' need eh girlfriend, much less eh wife. An' its meh business, no need te meddle inte it!"

Why on Earth was he being so snippy to his father? And on the subject of women? On a subconscious level, all Duff could think about was how his father used to treat his mother with great disrespect. He grew up not wanting to be like his father…ever.

"Yer eh wimp, lad. Ye always 'ave been. So ye can hit some balls wit eh metal stick…tha' doesn' make ye eh man."

Duff took that insult deeply. He hadn't been called a wimp in a while.

"Oh an' whut does?"

"Eh woman."

Duff raised an eyebrow. "Eh woman? Eh don' understand."

Allan rolled his eyes. "Of course ye don'. Ye need eh woman who ye can control."

Oh, now he understood perfectly. Allan was lecturing him on how to treat a woman—a corrupted, disrespectful, terrible way filled with insults, arguments and the occasional physical abuse. 'Tough love' didn't even begin to describe Allan's ways. Duff knew the best way to handle this was to sit it through, nod and smile like he was actually taking in everything his father tried to teach him…but he resented every word.

"Ye need eh woman who ye can control. Ye need te be te boss in yer own fam. Te man is always te head of te household, but wit yer ways Duff ye'll probably be te one who is tossed aroun' by eh woman. Ye'll be te one doin' chores and cookin'…!"

Duff liked to cook, but he wasn't going to say that. "Well if eh don' 'ave eh woman ah all, eh'll sure te beh te boss of meh fam."

"Without eh lass, ehm still te boss o' tis fam, which still includes ye."

It was true that Duff didn't require a woman. Sure he's known some that he thought were very good looking and could be great girlfriends, but nothing really brought him to take anything that far. He has flirted, but that's it. Never took anything to even a date. Something was holding him back, but Duff didn't feel it as a threat. He wanted to focus on his career, and he was happy. He didn't want a woman to jeopardize that.

And only a few years ago Duff was daydreaming of his future wife. Why was he scared now? Something was going on inside his brain—something he didn't want himself to acknowledge. Maybe his father was right in some twisted way…maybe he needed to take something further. Maybe he needed a push.

Allan pointed a finger into his son's chest. "If ye cannae take matters inte yer own hands, eh'll do it for ye."

'Blind date' Duff immediately thought. His father was going to hook him up with someone. One of these days Allan was going to introduce him to a woman—perhaps the daughter of a friend, or a coworker, or a friend of a relative. A date would be set up, a nice conversation will flow, and after a few dates, if he liked her, maybe Duff will even have his first kiss. He kind of liked the idea and how it brought back his old daydreams and desires of finding the perfect match. Duff was a complete and utter romantic.

Duff was right about the 'hook up' part, but he got the details a bit wrong. The next night, Duff came home after a game to find his father again, standing this time, waiting for him. Duff approached him to the conversation, but he stopped when he also saw a woman in the room.

He never even got to know her name. She had long dark hair, and wore the most inappropriate outfit possible for a date. Duff had a bad idea about this.

"Duff, tis about time ye had some experience. About time ye grew up…be eh man."

Duff had a really bad idea about this. Just by looking at this woman, Duff could tell who she was.

"She's paid fer te night." Allan said, as he got his jacket and took the boat keys from his son. "Don' waste it."

As Allan started to walk out the door, Duff began to stammer. "W-what?"

"Don' make meh stay te coach ye through tis. Go an' do whut ye should be doin'!" he said, and he finally left the castle.

Duff felt disgusted. Was this woman a….did his father hire a….how twisted was his father to associate being a man with this kind of…ugh! Duff felt like vomiting.

As Duff panicked mentally, the woman put a hand on his shoulder. Duff froze. He felt violated in the ways she began to touch him. Not like he could blame her, it was her job. And she was a good looking woman, though she wore the wrong outfits and way too much makeup. He didn't stop her from touching him, because he didn't know what to say. He was too shy to speak up, and too appalled from what his father had done to him to acknowledge what was going on.

It didn't take long before Duff stopped worrying about the situation and just accepted it. Even though Duff felt this was completely wrong and way too fast, he found himself going along with it. He began to run out of excuses, and eventually began to run out of energy to even think of excuses in the moment that he was in. The more he was touched physically, the more he felt relaxed from his thoughts. It made him feel sordid, but not even that stopped him.

With this attitude and by feeling in the moment with an excitement that had been hidden for a long time, through the hours Duff changed his manners completely and brought himself to full satisfaction. Subconsciously, Duff had a fear of falling in love and then getting his heart broken by losing his newly acquired loved one. He lost his grandmother and more importantly his mother at young ages. Duff was always a gentleman with women, but considering the fact that his father got him into the habit of hook-ups and one night stands, his manner began to change. Duff didn't want to admit at first that these instances were pleasurable, but eventually he came to terms with it. Add that concept to his fear of getting his heart broken, and Duff easily became more and more disrespectful to the female gender. No longer did he dream of having a wife and kids. In fact, he had a new desire of being single. Allan never succeeded in trying to get Duff to control a woman, though he did succeed in turning Duff into the same impertinent mannered womanizer he used to be.

Duff always pushed away the idea of a relationship, yes…but what Duff didn't know is that sometimes love can take one by surprise, when they least expect it. Sometimes we don't choose to fall in love, but we do anyway. Sometimes we don't want it, but we have no choice. This is what happened to Duff years later, and it truly felt amazing to be loved. For a long time, Duff actually believed that he was going to live happily ever after with his love, and his heart wasn't going to get broken this time.

He was mistaken.