Pain

You have to wonder how someone can ever harm a child. Cute, chubby cheeks and innocent little voices, tiny hands that can hold the smallest of things and the sweet miniature shoes a toddler wears can just melt a heart.

However, to some people, children are sickening. Children ruin things, are the bane of their existence, and are just plain annoying. Some people aren't fooled by appearances and think of some children as spawns of the Devil. Some people don't care if a child is too young to know better, and they expect the same as if that child was an adult. There are those who love children, those who didn't mind children, and those who hated children.

Allan Killigan hated children. To be more specific, he hated his own children. To be even more specific, he hated Duff and Carol Killigan, but not his oldest child—his son William.

When Duff Killigan was six years old, he began to realize some things.

One: his father liked to spend his time around his older brother Will, and never with him or his sister.

Two: his father yelled a lot and constantly seemed to be thirsty for some reason. Duff almost always saw his father drinking, and he wondered why he was always so parched.

Three: Allan liked to yell, and didn't get along very nicely with Duff's mother, Belle. Duff heard lots of smashing sounds in the house along with his father's voice, but he was never around to see the violence. It usually went on in another room, and Belle was usually in the room too.

Duff was ignored by his father and so Duff stayed his distance, but seeing his older brother get attention made Duff feel jealous and sad. Granted he was picked on by Will too, he felt even worse. Belle, Carol, and Cathella, Duff's grandmother, made him feel better each time he felt down. They were always the ones giving him attention, but Duff still wanted to be loved by his daddy. Belle would remind him that Christmas was coming in a few weeks, and on that day everyone loves everyone. Duff couldn't wait. Cathella would encourage Duff to pray to the 'spirits' above, but Duff couldn't understand who these 'spirits' were, since he never met them before. He explored his upstairs several times, but couldn't ever find the 'spirits'. Carol would simply entertain him, and keep his mind off things for the most part. She would kiss and hug him and joke with him about the silliest of things and she was so lovely. So was Belle.

Six year old Duff admired his mother for her beauty and her grace. However, she wasn't always perfect. Sometimes Duff would see little red marks on her face and arms. Occasionally, he would see bigger red marks or bandages wrapped around her hands or arms or taped to her cheek or forehead. Duff was so curious and never really understood where they came from or what they were for, but slowly, Duff's mind began to piece together the facts and get the answer he wanted.

Allan.

The smashing, the yelling—all that violence was being directed towards his mother. And Duff didn't like that. He didn't like that at all. He loved his mother and he didn't want her to be hurt. He loved her so, so much and would do anything to protect her.

One day, Duff heard his father screaming throughout the castle. William, Duff and Carol were in the living room playing when they heard it start. William continued to play with his toys like nothing was going on or like he didn't care. Carol kept quiet and shy, and had a slightly saddened expression on her face. Duff knew that his younger sister didn't understand the situation, and he wasn't going to tell her. All she knew was that something bad was happening and it made her sad.

"Be righ' back, kay sis?" Duff mumbled. He kissed her cheek and got up. She looked at him and watched as he walked out the door to one of the many hallways in the castle. Wee Duff followed down the dark stone corridor until he came to a door. Behind that door was his mother and father. Yelling and shouting came from Allan, and screeching came from Belle. Arguing and fearful bawls pierced his already tainted ears, as curiosity and nervousness swam through him. Duff closed his eyes and listened carefully to the words being said in between the bone-chilling uproar.

"Don' ye know whut ye are doin' te our children? Tey hear t'ese sounds all te time, don' ye think tey wonder whuts goin' ehn? Sooner er later ther goin' te find ou', ther yer children, Allan, love them! Yer own son Duffaile, he's always so sad ye never talk te 'em, an' always er praisin' Will,"

"Aw, shut yer mouthie ye cow!"

After that, a scream was heard. It was attempted to be covered up, almost as if Belle didn't want her children to hear the screaming anymore. She had to stand up and take the fight for her children—if she didn't stand up to Allan, he would take it out on them.

Duff was thinking the exact opposite when he opened the door. Inside the room was knocked over furniture, broken glass, and blood. Belle cried out when she saw her middle child interfere in a fight for the first time ever. She became so scared for him, and ran to him.

However, Allan got to him first.

"Please!" Belle screeched at the top of her lungs could reach. She tackled her abusive husband on his side, trying to reach over and grab her six year old child. "Please don't hurt 'em, Allan! He's yer son!" She desperately cried and grabbed around Allan for Duff, but he wouldn't let her touch him. Allan first pushed Belle away, and she fell to the ground. Then he turned to Duff and smacked him hard across the face. The blow was enough to knock Duff down to the floor, and like any normal, innocent six year old would, Duff started to cry.

Allan, disgusted by the fact that his son was a weakling, bent down and hit Duff again. He shook his son and kicked him a few hard times. He didn't stop until Belle hit a glass bottle over his head, and then he fell right on top of his bruised and battered Duffaile.

Duff just wouldn't stop crying madly. Belle grabbed him and pulled him out from under the pull of Allan's body and carried him away. She cooed him, she soothed him, she sang to him, but nothing made him stop. Belle brought her son to her room, forcing his brother and sister to follow. She closed and locked the door, and took out a suitcase.

Cathella, who was reading in the room, looked up with shock. "Whut happened?" her voice shook.

"He hit Duff." Was all Belle said to her mother-in-law. Cathella didn't say a word back, but the silence was easy to read: she understood and would do the same in her shoes. Frankly, Cathella knew this day would come sooner or later. She seemed to know things would come, anyway.

That night, after packing for herself and her three children, Belle took her kids and ran.

She didn't succeed.

Forced to live with the man that chose to abuse his children caused Belle to feel like the worst wife and mother in the world. She knew that she was. She had failed from protecting her children, but there was no way she was going to leave. She would be there for as long as her heart could take it, which unfortunately only ended up being for another three years.

Duff thought he was doing something good by taking the beating from his father. He cried and cried, but never in front of Allan while he was being beaten. Duff soon learned that when Allan saw weakness, he only beat more. Duff thought he was protecting his mother, and almost felt like a hero.

That changed when Carol started to get beaten too, while William was never touched. William also joined his father in hitting Duff.

Duff Killigan grew up abusive and an alcoholic just like his father. He hit others and smashed things, but Duff never hit children, however. He especially never hit his own child, but instead spoiled and loved her every chance he got, just as his mother did.

After all those years of being physically abused, Duff grew cigar burn marks and knife scars all over his face, back, torso, arms and legs. Duff always hid his skin whenever he could, and if he was with a woman and she asked, he never revealed the truth about them, about how his father was the one who gave them to him and about his cruel childhood.

There were only two women he told the truth to. One was his future employee—the other, a very special friend. She would have a sadness about her when the subject of his childhood came up, and she would tell him he didn't deserve any of it.

No matter how much he tried to convince himself, Duff Killigan could never agree.