A/N: Hi everyone! I'm so glad I managed to get this out tonight. I'm so excited for this chapter, there is so much happening. Also I'm not beyond using well established tropes if it helps progress the story :) This really is a roller-coaster, I gave myself plenty of feelings writing it, and it's late here so as much as I tried to catch all errors, apologies if some remain (again, if anything is glaringly obvious, feel free to point it out).
"Gabriel?" Castiel said in disbelief, not really believing his eyes.
"Hello to you too, brother."
"Yes, hello but how- why are you here?" His brothers didn't generally have the tendency to turn up unannounced.
"Well, for one, if you would have checked your phone or email, you would have been aware of my imminent arrival and two, you didn't honestly expect there to be no repercussion to such an explosive email." Gabriel waggled his eyebrows dramatically.
Castiel cringed as he remembered. In a fateful fit of courage he had sent his parents an email Thursday evening, detailing his separation from Amelia, leaving out the juicy details, of course, but asking for their understanding. He had just finally wanted to get it off his chest. And then the drama next door happened and he actually forgot. He groaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He really needed the coffee to kick in.
Gabriel continued, way too cheerful for Castiel's liking. "As it is, it was either me or the Spanish inquisition of our parents. Did you really think they would just let you get divorced without bringing their fire and brimstone your way? Be happy I volunteered to be the one trying to talk some sense into you." And his brother used air quotes to make his point. Castiel still stared, mouth hanging slightly open. "At least I have pretty good inkling what this really is about."
"How did you even get here?"
"Funny invention called aeroplanes." Gabriel rolled his eyes at his brother.
"No, I mean with the weather and all." The blizzard had turned the world white overnight. Gabriel was standing in at least a foot and a half of snow, Castiel guessed.
"Well, I was lucky enough to catch the last flight before they closed the airport. Damn delays though, and don't get me started on the taxi, had to pay the guy extra to venture down your end. Still had to walk the last few hundred yards to your residence. Seriously you guys don't have any snowplows venturing to this part of town? Guess I will be stuck here for a few days if things don't improve."
"Great," Castiel gave his brother a sarcastic smile. That was just what he needed.
"Now, are you going to invite me in, or do we need to do this out here, while I freeze my private parts off?"
Shit, Dean. Cas' heart missed a beat. What were the chances of his brother turning up on the day when he had a teenage boy sleeping in his bed and- No, he would not panic. Nothing untoward had happened and no way was he going to let Gabriel snoop around the house. But he couldn't just leave him outside his front door either. Castiel would just have to try to confine him to the kitchen for now.
"If I must." Cas stepped aside, making way for his brother.
"I am making some more coffee, would you care for some?" Castiel needed more caffeine. He needed his brain to engage, to brace himself for the inevitable Novak lecture and, even more importantly, he needed to keep an eye on his brother.
Gabriel dumped his overnight bag in the hallway, took off his coat and hat before following Castiel into the kitchen. He pulled out a chair, making himself comfortable as he watched his younger brother clamber around the kitchen.
A few minutes later they both had a steaming mug of coffee in front of them. Castiel got more and more unnerved by the way Gabriel just silently stared at him, no doubt judging him. He huffed audibly, making his displeasure known.
"So, shall we talk about the weather first or shall I go straight to the point?" he finally said around a sip of coffee.
"Don't let me stop you." Better get it over with, Cas thought.
"Ok, straight then, oh- no pun intended." Gabriel smirked at Castiel growled. His brother was an ass at the best of times. "You two are breaking up because you're a homosexual, isn't it? You finally couldn't keep it in your pants anymore and succumbed to those impulses." It wasn't so much a question as a statement.
"And what if I did?" Castiel snapped defensively, he wasn't up for this.
"Hold your horses, bro. As far as I'm concerned I really couldn't care less. I told you years ago, I don't care what you get up to in your spare time. But you couldn't just keep it under the radar could you? Had to have your big gay coming out crisis. You managed up to now, so what changed? My guess is some guy got to you, probably gave you the whole 'gay pride' speech, rainbow flag and all."
"No, it wasn't like that, it- not that I need to justify myself but, this is who I am and what a man would I be if I carried on lying to my wife like that and make her miserable in the process?" Castiel clung to his mug, as he tried to stay calm.
Gabriel mulled this new bit of information over. "As noble an endeavor as that might be Castiel, you know how mother and father will react should they ever find out. And I don't have to tell you that the rest of our siblings most definitely won't be as 'relaxed' about this as me either. It will be hard enough coming up with something to explain the break-up to them- I take it there is no point trying to talk you into changing your mind on that. But for the love of god keep the rest to yourself. Just keep acting like the good little soldier they expect you to be, and live whatever life you need to live in private. Worked fine for me so far." he grinned.
"What?" Castiel's head shot up at his brother's words. What did he mean by that? "What are you- Are you trying to tell me that you're into that stuff too-"?
Gabriel stared at him for a moment before he burst out laughing as realization dawned. "Hell no, not my cup of tea. But I've been to college, oh those parties we had back then. The stuff we used to snort. Man, I really miss those days." Castiel raised an eyebrow at him, clearly not understanding there reference. Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Did you really believe that I went into my marriage a Mr. Goody Two-Shoe virgin like I have our parents and everyone else believe?"
Castiel kept staring at him. "Oh- right. And your-"
"Why burden her with stuff that has no bearing on our current life." Gabriel shrugged. "You should have done the same thing, just kept quiet, although I can see how lusting after the wrong equipment could make that hard in every day life. So you couldn't satisfy your wife in the appropriate ways any longer?"
"Fuck you." Castiel snarled, very tempted to hurl the half full mug of coffee at his brothers' head.
"Oh such colorful language from my baby brother. Rebellion suits you." Gabriel turning everything into a joke, as always, relaxed back into the chair and enjoyed another sip of his coffee.
Castiel wondered whether he would be an awful human being if the just shoved Gabriel's backside right back out the front door.
#
"Ugh-," Dean jolted awake, still feeling the aftershocks of his orgasm. He panted as he rode it out, reflexively rocking his hips to get that extra bit of friction against the mattress, before his eyes opened in alarm as he remembered where he was. His head shot up and he suddenly was very much awake. Leave it to him to have a wet dream in Castiel's bed. He looked around panicked but thankfully there was no sign of the man. Dean fell back onto the cushion head first as he took a few steadying breaths before suddenly jumping up. Shit, he felt the wetness in his boxers and pulled the blanket off only to see that it was already too late. There was a very clear and visible wet patch on the sheets.
Dean cursed. He had come in Cas' bed and, of course, left a stain on the comforter. Like he didn't feel embarrassed enough already! Dean's heart rate spiked, cheeks flushing red in mortification. He would have to change the sheets and, oh crap- possibly have to explain to Cas what happened. No doubt the man would notice the new sheets on his bed. Plus he didn't have any clean underwear and he left his jeans downstairs in the living room. So on top of everything else, he would have to go through Cas' stuff in search of anything that might fit him.
Dean went through a few drawers until he located some draw string running shorts. If he tied them tight enough they would just about stay on his hips. He quickly removed his ruined underwear, using it to wipe any remnants of come off before putting on the shorts. He continued his search until he found the clean sheets, making quick work of the bed. Dean hid his boxers in the sheets and placed them in the laundry basket in the bathroom. He would find an appropriate moment to extract them again later. Or better wash the sheets and his boxers when he could sneak into the kitchen in a quiet moment.
The aroma of coffee was wafting up from downstairs and Dean felt awake enough to crave some. He quickly relieved himself, flushed the toilet and headed down the stairs.
The pipes creaked and groaned louder than usual, probably thanks to the cold. There was no mistaking someone had just flushed the toilet. Castiel stilled, the coffee mug halfway to his mouth. He already felt his brother's gaze on him before he even had a chance to meet his gaze.
"You got someone staying with you?" The question was innocent enough though heavily loaded in its deliverance.
Castiel swallowed around a lump in his throat, not sure what to say. There was no point denying it.
"Yes." He simply stated, not sure how to explain the situation.
Gabriel's eyes were about to pop out of its sockets. "You really don't waste any time, do you?" And Castiel didn't like the implication of that at all. He was just about to emphatically deny such allegations when Dean's head came into vision.
"Morning Cas, I hope you left me some cof- OH"
And if at all possible Gabriel's eyes went even wider as Dean, still in only his t-shirt and, as was easily deductible, Castiel's shorts, shuffled into the kitchen.
Dean's eyes landed on Gabriel, who fixed him with a glare which the boy returned. "What are you doing here?" He snapped while walking up behind Cas, resting against his chair and putting a hand protectively on the man's shoulder.
And Castiel had been wrong. His brother's eyes still could get bigger as his eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline, a calculating gaze studying the two of them.
"I could ask you the same question." Gabriel retorted, holding Dean's stare and then turning his attention to his brother. "Castiel?"
"He, I-" Cas stammered.
"I had a run in with my dad and Cas let me crash on his couch. Thanks again, by the way." Dean recovered first, still eyeing Gabriel warily.
"Right, couch." Gabriel parroted sarcastically.
"Yes, couch." Cas confirmed, finally finding his voice again.
"That's why you came ALL the way from upstairs. Last time I checked the couch was in the living room."
Castiel gulped, looking stunned and Dean needed to think for both of them, and fast.
"Well, feel free to have a look, blanket and my clothes are still there." Dean informed him, pulling a chair up next to Cas, close enough that their legs were touching in silent comfort.
"Now what I would like to know is what are you doing here? You better not be giving Cas a hard time. He's had enough shit to deal with lately."
"Dean, he knows about me." Cas informed him, leaving no doubt about what he was referring to.
"Oh," Dean said just as Gabriel said "The boy knows? Why am I not surprised?" He huffed.
"I do not like what you might be implying but of course he-"
A loud knock on the door interrupted Castiel, and he let out an internal sigh of relief at the interruption.
"Let me get that." He said leaving his brother and Dean at the table, glowering at each other.
"Sammy,"
"Hey Cas. Sorry it's early but-"
"It is ok. We are all up already. Come in. We are in the kitchen."
Sammy shook out of his coat and shoes, before following Castiel. "Hey Dean- oh, hello." He looked between Dean and Castiel's brother. Neither of them looked particularly happy, although Dean smiled when he noticed Sammy.
"Hey squirt. Was getting worried about you. How are things back at the house?"
"Alright I guess. They're still sleeping."
"Oh, so that woman is still there?" Dean's face fell.
"Well not like dad could drive her back home even if it hadn't been snowing." Sam said before biting his tongue, looking apologetically at his older brother.
"Damn." Dean remembered the Impala. "Guess he was mad?"
"You could say that. I stayed out of his way most of the time. Plus he had someone else to distract him." The rest didn't need to be said. Dean had a good idea about what was implied.
Gabriel watched the whole exchange with interest, especially how these two boys seemed so at home in his brother's house. It appeared like they must be spending a lot of time here. Which was only confirmed when Dean got up and offered to make pancakes for everyone, moving confidently around the kitchen and knowing where the pots and pans were. Castiel made another batch of coffee, and some hot chocolate for the little kid, and it was all so weirdly domestic, it made Gabriel wonder what was really going on here. Clearly this Dean had not been lying about the disagreement with his father but also Gabriel knew what he had and hadn't heard, and that boy had not been coming out of the living room.
#
After breakfast, Dean offered to clear out Castiel's front yard, as a thank you for letting him stay. Castiel initially refused but gave in quickly. He had learned that Dean, if anything, could be very persistent. Yet, the boy did not have the proper clothes for weather like this and Castiel ushered him back upstairs in search for some suitable winter wear. That was how Dean found himself wearing one of his friend's old padded ski jackets and his snow boots, with three pairs of socks to make them fit (and embarrassingly had to ask Cas for a pair of boxers, not even bothering to come up with an excuse and thankfully Cas didn't ask).
"Man, I look like the frigging Michelin man." Dean complained as he waddled down the stairs, a woolly hat and thermal gloves completing his outfit. His bitch brother and his so called 'friend' couldn't hold back their laughter and even Gabriel had a hard time looking serious.
"Shut up, and help me, bitch." he grumbled at Sammy as he made his way outside, shovel in hand. And Sammy didn't need asking twice. He loved snow and had been waiting all morning for an opportunity to throw a snow ball or two at his brother.
Soon the brothers were hard at work and Castiel was left with his brother once more. He busied himself in the living room, folding up the blanket and rearranging the cushions.
"Are you ok sleeping on the couch for a few days? Just we never got around to getting a bed for the spare room." Castiel tried for normality, hoping that the earlier discussion was over, but no such luck. It seemed like his brother had just been waiting for a moment to get him alone.
"Castiel, what on earth are you doing?" Gabriel asked.
"I am preparing the couch so you can use it as a sleeping facility."
"Don't play dumb with me. You know what I am referring to. What are you doing with that boy?" Gabriel pulled his brother around by his shoulders, staring at him imploringly. "It is one thing being a homosexual and that alone will give you a disadvantage and get you into plenty of trouble in parts of this country, but to get involved with a minor and running the danger of getting convicted of statutory rape or worse- Castiel that will ruin the rest of your life."
"Gabriel, there is nothing improper going on between Dean and I." Castiel protested feeling his head throb, as his pulse sky rocketed. This was what he had been scared off.
Gabriel sighed exasperated, rolling his eyes before fixing his brother again with his gaze. "And it's funny, you know. I actually believe you, but just because there isn't anything going on don't mean he or you don't want there to be something going on. Castiel this is dangerous and you should run as far away from this boy as you can."
Castiel's hand went to his neck, rubbing it as he thought about how to reply. It would be so much easier protesting, denying all the accusations if it hadn't been for the knowledge that Dean in fact did want something more. That knowledge now burned in the back of Castiel's skull. Sometimes ignorance really was bliss. Everything would be so much easier if he didn't know. Still, there was no way he would give Dean away to his brother and making things more complicated than they already were.
"You don't know anything about him or his situation. He is a friend and he and Sammy really don't have a caring family to look out for them, so Amelia and I are just-"
"But Amelia is gone Castiel, so stop hiding behind her. What are you doing here? I warned you before that the boy's got it bad for you. If there had been any doubt about that, the way he just tried to protect you from the big bad 'me' served as confirmation. At least he has filled out a bit since the last time he tried to pull this alpha-male-in-training routine and go all protective over you."
"Gabriel, for the last time, he and I are just friends and I am just making sure he and Sammy are ok." Even to his own ears his protest sounded weak but he needed Gabriel to leave well enough alone.
"Well, fine, if you say so I have to believe you. Just make sure it stays that way, because while I might not call the cops on you, other people might not be quite so lenient whether there is grounds for suspicion or not." Gabriel let out a heavy sigh, looking up at his brother with concerned eyes. "Castiel, why do you think I'm really here? I jumped in before anyone else could offer to come and talk to you. Believe it or not, I care about you and I don't want our family's wrath on you. I might be a sarcastic bastard and not show it a lot but you are my baby brother and apart from me, you're possibly the only one halfway sane in this fucked up, zealotic family, although I am starting to doubt your sanity."
Castiel was left speechless. Gabriel had never shared that much about his feelings with him. Maybe he was struggling and fed up with their family just as much as he was. Cas all of a sudden felt rather grateful that Gabriel had volunteered to come in their parents place. It appeared there was more to him than he let on. Now Cas would just have to think of a suitable story for his break-up which his brother could relay back home and maybe he could escape the worst, at least for a while.
"Thanks Gabriel, I mean it." He said as he went to work getting blankets and sheets, trying to turn this couch into a bed.
#
And hour later Dean and Sammy were still shoveling snow like there was no tomorrow. Gabriel had retreated to his make shift bed for a quick nap and Castiel was antsy, having already cleaned the kitchen and done the laundry. He had spotted the soiled sheets and decided to just wash them and not mention anything to Dean. The boy looked like he was about to have a coronary earlier when he asked about clean underwear. He could imagine how embarrassing this was, but at least it had explained Dean wearing his shorts.
He felt a tad guilty for letting the brothers do all the hard work outside and probably should offer his help. Cas assumed they had to clear their own yard later as well. He didn't much fancy venturing outside but his conscience won. He put on his coat and gloves, found another pair of boots that were passable and headed out the front door.
"Hey Cas, finally showing your face." Dean smiled, face red from exertion and the chill in the air.
"I thought I offer my assistance, but as I can see, you are progressing rather well." The boys had managed to dig out the car, and cleared a wide path down towards the road. Well, Cas suspected that mainly it had been Dean's doing, as Sammy was halfway across the sidewalk, rolling a big ball of snow around.
Castiel let his eyes roam over to the other houses. It was weird how snow had the ability to draw out the whole neighborhood. Despite the still fairly early hour there were children and teenagers everywhere, making snowmen and throwing snowballs between adults digging out their cars. It was like the world had come to a standstill. It was moments like these that Castiel really liked this rundown neighborhood. It had character. And he really would miss moving from here should he find himself unable to hold on to the house. Just as his mood was about to take a nose dive he was hit square in the face by something cold and wet and white.
"Hey!" he yelled, wiping the snow out of his eyes. He didn't need his sight though to know who had thrown the snow. The laughter from beside him was unmistakably Dean's.
"Oh you did not just-"
"Oh yes I did. What you gonna do ab-" The snowball hit him straight in the jaw. Damn, Cas apparently had excellent aim. Dean coughed and spat out the snow that had ended up in his mouth, glaring at Castiel who had taken safety behind the car, big grin on his face
"Oh it's on!" Dean chortled, looking for something to hide behind. "Hey Sammy, snowball fight!" he called over to his brother, who immediately abandoned his half built snow man in favor of scooping up some snow and aiming at his brother.
Half an hour later, they were all cold and wet but laughing. Cas couldn't remember ever having enjoyed snow quite this much. He was sure he must have had snow ball fights as a kid, but if he did they clearly hadn't been memorable. After throwing balls of snow at one another for the first couple of minutes, they ended up in warfare with a few teenagers from down the block, five against three. In the process they pretty much managed to get snow everywhere. Dean had been at the receiving end of a snow facial when he failed to run away fast enough after brazenly attacking the other camp. The bastards actually showed snow down his coat which yeah, was very cold and had turned his shirt wet. Dean felt it clinging to his skin but he didn't care, he was having too much fun.
They were all at that lovely stage of being so cold that they didn't feel the chill anymore. Their trousers were soaked, their noses red and their cheeks flushed. Dean could feel the skin on his face sting and was sure the others weren't faring much better. After leaving their mark in the snow, making funny shapes and snow angels, they set to work on finishing off Sammy's snowman. Cas put the final touches to it with his scarf and woolly hat, which gave Dean the perfect opportunity to throw one last snowball at his head which was repaid in kind as he couldn't duck his head fast enough. Only when Sammy's lips started to turn a nice shade of blue did Cas suggest that maybe they should all head back inside to warm up.
Dean knew he needed a clean and, more importantly dry, batch of clothes but still refused to enter his home. He didn't want to face the reality of his father and that woman. He was happy and he wanted it to last. Thankfully his little brother offered to bring him some back after he got changed and he gratefully accepted.
Back in the house Cas took off his coat, only now realizing that his fingers were so cold he had lost feeling and could hardly move them. He peeled the wet gloves off his hands and discarded them on the floor. He was basically one big cold, frozen wet mess but he had a smile on his face, which only grew bigger when Dean entered the house. He looked dazzling and was still laughing, as he recounted the 'epic battle'. He was so alive; such a different person from the one Cas had scooped up yesterday afternoon. Cas thought he should always look like that, young and carefree and happy.
"That was awesome but dude, I can't feel my legs." Dean chuckled as he tried to peel out of his jeans that clung to him like a second skin.
"You can go to my room to get changed if you want. I'll take the bathroom." Cas offered, walking up the stairs, wiggling his fingers and toes, trying to get the blood flowing.
"Sure," Dean agreed and followed Cas up the stairs.
Cas grabbed some clothes before disappearing into the bathroom. He felt chilled to the bone and for a moment was tempted to just go and have a long hot shower. But maybe he should offer one to Dean first, while there was guaranteed hot water. The boy was literally soaked through and probably felt even colder than Cas.
He stripped down to his boxers and undershirt, debating whether it would be worth hanging the clothes up to dry but decided it best to just wash them. Cas grabbed a towel and worked it over his hair as he smiled at his reflection in the mirror. He let his hands trail the outline of his stubble, deciding he really needed a shave. He didn't get to contemplate this any further as suddenly something very, very cold and wet hit his bare back. He yelped, high pitched and totally undignified.
"What the-"
Dean had shoved a hand full of snow down the back of his undershirt and currently was half bend over in laughter as he leaned against the door for support.
"Cas, your face-" he rasped out between fits of giggles. "Oh man, you should have seen you. I wish I'd taken a pic."
It took Cas a second to get his bearings, cold slush working its way down his back, dribbling into his boxers, but then he pounced.
"Oh you're so going to pay for that." He grinned devilishly.
Dean saw him coming though and hightailed it out of the bathroom, making Cas grab at air, yelling a teasing "you have to catch me first" over his shoulder. He squealed as he ran back towards Cas' bedroom, the man hot on his heels.
Cas came charging into the room, coming to a stop and facing Dean down from across the bed.
He eyed Dean with a calculating glare, trying to work out whether he could make it across the bed to grab him before the boy would have a chance to escape.
"Come on." Dean teased, laughing and sticking out his tongue, wriggling his boxer clad hips in mockery, readying himself to jump out from behind the bed and out the door.
"Oh I'm planning on it." Castiel stepped to the right, and then immediately to the left, jumping half over the bed, trying to reach for the boy.
"Gotta be faster than that," Dean jeered as he jumped and raced past Cas and out the door towards the spare bedroom. Cas threw the towel he still held in his hand after him, almost catching Dean around the legs and the boy screeched as he raced into the spare room. He was laughing so hard he had problems taking in air which, in his mind at least, was the reason that a moment later Cas managed to grab hold of him.
"Now you are going to pay," the man sniggered as he put Dean into a head lock, bringing the knuckles of his other hand up to Dean's skull and rubbing them against it.
"Ouch, oh, stoooop," Dean begged but couldn't hide his chuckles as he tried to wriggle out of Castiel's hold.
"Do you surrender?" Cas asked, easing off for a moment.
"Never!" Dean declared, not beyond playing dirty and kicking Castiel in the shin. The man temporarily lost his grip which gave Dean enough time to slip free but Cas managed to hold on to his arm. They both were laughing as they wrestled for the upper hand. Dean was stronger than he looked Cas thought as he struggled to keep a hold on him.
Dean tried to writhe out of Cas' grasp and in a last ditch attempt jumped at him, wrapping his legs around the man's waist. Cas, unfortunately for both of them, lost his footing and they crashed onto the floor, a loud "umph" escaping Cas and Dean still clinging on to him.
Dean smiled victorious. "Are you ready to surrender?" He mocked from where he was now on top of his friend. Cas was winded and combined with the still manic laughter and the weight of Dean on top he felt light headed as he struggled to catch his breath.
"Never," Cas rasped after a moment, smirking up at the boy, mirroring Dean's earlier statement. He grabbed Dean by the wrists and flipped them over, straddling the boy at the waist and pinning his hands to the floor above his head.
"Surrender, Winchester." They were both in stitches and Cas could barely get out the words.
Dean groaned and struggled against Cas, trying to buck his friend off, but knew that really he was beaten.
"Make me Novak" he replied defiantly, giving Cas a challenging look.
And one minute they were laughing, as Dean, against hope, tried to squirm out of Cas' grasp and then they weren't as the atmosphere shifted. Dean swallowed and went slack under Cas, as he stared up at him, gazing into those blue eyes. Cas was staring back just as intensely, not letting go of Dean's wrists but loosening his grip. Their shared labored breathing the only sound filling the sudden silence.
Cas' thumbs started to absentmindedly draw circles at the skin of Dean's wrists as he gazed down at him. The contact and all too gentle touch had Dean come out in goose bumps all over. They just kept looking. Dean had the most wonderful shade of green, Cas thought. Not that that was a new fact, just the way they were shining now, big and full of emotions, they were beautiful, Dean was beautiful.
Dean was sure he was going to burst. He was in a daze. Cas was everywhere, Dean felt the weight of the man on him, those hands still holding on to his wrists, and yet it was not enough, he craved more.
"Cas," he whimpered as he lifted up his head, eyes coming to rest on the man's slightly parted lips. He felt a flutter in his stomach and his heart was about to jump out of his chest as Cas slowly leaned in. Dean could feel the man's exhale ghosting against his skin and held his own breath in anticipation. Cas closed the last inch that was separating them, his lips meeting Dean's in a gentle brush.
"Hey Dean, I'm back. Where are you guys?" Sammy's voice was accompanied by the slamming sound of the front door.
Within a heartbeat Cas was off of Dean, his gaze wild and unfocussed like he had just come out of a dream and tried to get his bearings. Dean scrambled into a sitting position, his body still bemoaning the loss of Cas.
"Guys?" Sammy's voice asked again.
"We're up here." Dean yelled as he drew his legs up, covering his erection that was clearly visible through his boxers.
His brother appeared a moment later, throwing a stack of clothes at Dean.
"Hey," he took the state his brother and Cas were in. "What's going on here?" he asked amused.
"Nothing much. Just Cas had an issue with some snow down his back and thought he could teach me a lesson." Dean joked. Cas didn't say anything, just stared. His mind was still busy trying to process what he had almost done, willingly, to Dean. His stomach gave a lurch and he suddenly jumped to his feet and ran out of the room.
Sammy laughed. "Guess he didn't enjoy the experience." Dean shrugged his shoulders before pulling on the dry set of clothes, acting like he didn't have a care in the world but his mind was firmly on Cas. Again, he had fucked things up and pushed Cas into something he already said he wasn't comfortable with. What the hell was wrong with him? But also he didn't quite get it. Cas was about to kiss him, and while he understood he didn't want Sam to walk in on them, why the sudden freak-out? Dean was confused. But most of all he knew it was most likely his fault for pushing the issue. He needed to apologize.
Cas locked himself in the bathroom and leaned against the sink, propping himself up on his hand as he waited for his heartbeat to return to normal. He felt dizzy and sick, physically appalled at himself, or more precisely at his body that had so easily betrayed him. He tried to reason that getting aroused was just a plain bodily reaction to being pressed up close to another human being. It had nothing to do with the actual person involved. Right, that had to be it. There was no room for any other viable explanation.
Oh god, but what had he almost done, kissing the teenager. What was wrong with him, Cas wondered, a silent question thrown at his reflection in the mirror. He needed to get a grip. He had no desire to go and chase after underage boys and take advantage of them. The thing was though, it wasn't boys, it was Dean. Had, and if so when, Cas stopped seeing him as just a kid and perceived him as something more? Dean, the boy from next door, who had so valiantly defended his baby brother all those years back when they first met. Dean who was basically still a kid, despite his protests to the contrary.
And what the hell was he going to do about this? There really shouldn't even be a 'this', because he was not a pervert and therefore there was nothing to contemplate. That small voice whispering to him, that Dean had made it quite clear that this was something he wanted, so would it be so bad to want it back, was like a hot iron pressing straight into his skull, torturing and damning him for even allowing such a thought.
Gabriel's words and warnings were rushing back to him. He splashed some water on his face. There was just no way. Even if a small, minute part of him would allow itself to think of Dean as anything more than his teenage friend, he would have to deny himself. He had denied himself for years, Cas knew he could do this, had to do this for both their sakes. Nothing was going to happen. That would have to be the bottom line of it.
"Cas?" Dean's voice followed by a tentative knock brought him back to the here and now. He stood frozen. He knew he had to address this head on but didn't know what to possibly say.
"Cas, please. Let me talk to you." Dean urged quietly, probably as to not be overheard by anyone else.
After taking in a deep breath, Cas unlocked the door, ushering Dean inside, not quite meeting his eyes.
"Cas, dude, I'm so sorry, I know I-"
"Dean, it is I who needs to apologize. I was- what was almost about to happen would have been completely inappropriate and I should have never allowed myself to get carried away like that."
"But Cas-"
"No, please Dean." Cas gulped. "I have to be very clear on this, something like this can never happen again."
Dean knew really that this was what Cas would say, still it hurt. He had seen the way the man had looked at him, still felt the tingle from where he had tenderly caressed his wrists. "But why? If it is what we both want?" He just needed Cas to be honest.
"But you see it is not what I want. I can't want this. And if we are to continue our friendship-
"Cas, no-" Dean panicked.
"-which is something I would very much like to do, as I care for you deeply Dean, there will have to be rules. There can be no more crawling into bed with me or attempted kisses," Cas whispered the last word, as if he was scared someone could hear him. "And I need to be able to trust you to keep to them." The 'Because I don't trust myself right now' being left unsaid.
Dean swallowed down the anger he felt, because really that was the last thing he wanted. A rigid friendship where again, he had to watch his every step. Still, he thought he got the message, finally. Cas shot him down, again. He still had his pride and it looked like it was time for him to grow up, get over this infatuation of his. There was no point crying over something you could not have, no matter how much you wanted it.
"I'm not gonna lie, this sucks, but ok- just please promise me we won't go back to the way things were a few weeks ago. I need to know it's still ok to hug or touch you without you getting all jumpy. I- please Cas." And he knew he sounded whiney but he just needed something.
"I guess that is acceptable." Castiel agreed after thinking it over. He would just have to stay clear on the lines. As if to test that promise Dean stepped up and wrapped his arms around Cas in a quick hug.
"I'm sorry, for making you uncomfortable." Dean sighed.
"Do not be. It is not your fault." Cas replied and wasn't that the truth. Dean had done nothing wrong. It was not his fault his body was a hormonal mess, and he was questioning his sexual preferences and somehow had focused some of that attention on Castiel. If anything Castiel laid the blame squarely at his own feet. He was the adult here and as such should be in control of his emotions and the situation. Yes he was under a lot of stress lately but that should be no excuse for losing control like that.
"Come on, let's go downstairs. I have a brother waiting." Cas said after a moment, patting Dean on the back. He hoped that Gabriel missed most of their earlier romp around the house. He didn't much fancy another talk because he didn't need reminding that he was walking a thin line here. What he did need was to find a way to get his act together. Maybe go out and socialize a bit more. He had been a hermit way too long and that could not be healthy for anyone.
"Yeah, got one down there too." Dean chuckled a bit too tightly, heading down the stairs, each step feeling like stepping back into reality a bit more, slowly choking any remnants of happiness he had felt. The reality of having to apologize to his dad, of having to deal with this strange woman, to come up with a way to pay for the windscreen, not even thinking about all the other bills, and to find a way of dealing with the stinging feeling of rejection while still desiring his friend every time he looked at him. Basically he was going back to hell.