"Group Therapy pt 3"

They got off the highway and stopped at an Italian restaurant. They got a table for three, and Shego was able to swipe a woman's purse and fish out her cellphone. She handed it to Duff.

"Thanks."

He got up from the table and walked away as he began to dial. Camille looked at the menu awkwardly. She didnt feel comfortable sitting next to Shego alone. She tried to make conversation.

"I think i'll have the eggplant parmigiana. What about you?" she looked up from her menu and Shego wasn't there.

Camille looked around. She spotted Duff on the phone at the back of the restaurant. Then she saw Shego...hiding...behind a plant...trying to listen to what Duff was saying on the phone."

"Ehmagawd...stalker...she's sooo into him."

Shego listened intently to what Duff was saying on the line.

"Guid day hen, can ye dae me a wee favur? coods ye rin it tae th' jit an' sit it oan autopilot tae a certain address?...och aye aam braw...i'll be haem suin coods ye jist dae thes fur me?...Ah ken i've bin gain th' pest few days an' aam sorry. i'll be haem tonecht…..alrecht ye got it? jist flip th' switch 'at says 'autae pilot' an' say alood thes address. okay stoatin. exit th' jit an' make sure it goes aff in fife minutes."

"What the hell?" Shego whispered. She couldn't understand a word he was saying, but she wanted to know who he was talking to. Someone lived at that castle with him. Her excitement caused her to rustle the bush she was hiding behind. Duff took notice, but Shego ducked before he could see her spying on her.

"Dornt stain tay close tae th' jit when it takes aff...it's flyin' aff noo? stoatin, thenk ye hen...i loove ye tay. see ye suin."

"I love you?" Shego whispered.

Duff hung up the phone and walked back to the table. He saw Camille sitting there, but not Shego. He sat down and picked up a menu.

"Och', ehm starvin'. Where's Shego?"

"Oh, she was over there, hiding and—"

"Hiding and hoping I could fix my makeup before dinner…." Shego said, interrupting Camille before she told Duff that she had been spying on him. Camille seemed to be on a mission to make her look bad. She didn't like it. "That whole jail escape really stressed me out, I think my foundation wore off a bit." Shego took a mirror compact out of the stolen purse, and looked into it. She swiped a lipstick from the bag as well. It was a dark plum color…it would do. She glided some of the creamy color on her lips, and sat down.

Duff shook his head. "Women…eh don't understand te need te apply tha' shit on yer face."

Shego raised an eyebrow. "Conservative much?"

Just then, the waitress arrived at their table. She was a beautiful young woman in her late twenties. Her hair was short and a golden blonde color. Her skin was flawless, her smile was radiant, and her eyes the color of the Hawaiian ocean.

"Hi, my name is Adrianna and I'll be your server today. Can I start you guys off with any drinks?"

"Water." Camille and Shego said in unison. They looked at each other with a half-hate-half-surprised glare.

"Okay, two waters for the two ladies. And for you, sir?"

Duff had his hand over his mouth, staring at the menu with difficulty, like he was reading a language he couldn't understand. He grumbled and simply muttered his usual when-in-doubt drink. "Scotch. Johnny Walker Blue."

"On the rocks or neat?"

"Neat."

"Sure, one glass?" the waitress scribbled on her notepad.

"No. One glass an' one bottle…te start with."

The waitress looked stumped. She shifted the weight on her hip uncomfortably. Never in her life had one man asked for such an expensive bottle of liquor. She wondered who he was and if he was rich or important.

"Sir…that's a very expensive bottle…"

"Dye carry it?"

"…yeah, we have it."

"Then I'll take it. Eh know how much it is."

"O-okay…two extra glasses or…?" she looked at his two companions.

Duff looked at them. Camille looked confused and Shego looked disgusted. "Err…nae, jus' one."

"Um….ok. I'll go ahead and…get those drinks for you…"

The waitress awkwardly walked away, mystified.

Shego and Camille were looking at Duff with completely different expressions, waiting for some explanation.

"Way to lay low." Shego snapped sarcastically.

"Whut? Eh can't enjoy eh drink?"

"Not a whole bottle of Johnny Walker Blue! The people here are going to be suspicious!"

"Why is it suspicious?" Camille asked.

"Because the damn bottle costs about two hundred and fifty dollars, and for one person? They're going to want to know who you are! You don't have I.D. on you, and the only money we have right now is a stolen credit card! That's why!"

"Eh have money."

"What? How?" Shego raised an eyebrow. Did he steal a wallet or something, too?

Duff pointed to the front of the restaurant. "There's an ATM. Eh withdrew money from one of meh bank accounts. Relax, we're nae goin' te get caught." Duff leaned back in his chair. "We're here te eat an' celebrate."

"How'd you get your ATM card?" Camille asked.

"Eh had it hidden, an' they didn't find it."

Camille smirked. "Smooth." She said it to herself, but the others heard and ignored it.

"Your bank accounts aren't secure? What, you have like a Chase account or something?" Shego asked.

"Eh have different accounts in different countries."

"And none of them were closed from suspicious activity? Like large amounts of stolen money?"

Duff raised an eyebrow. "Eh don't operate like ye an' Drakken do. Eh don't steal any money. Eh own businesses. Meh money is perfectly earned an' legal."

Shego laughed hard on that one. "Oh, please. And what kind of business do you own? What, you have a golf ball factory on that island of yours?"

Before Duff could insult her back, the waitress returned with a tray of two waters, an empty glass and a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label. She set the two waters in front of Camille and Shego, and the bottle and empty glass in front of Duff. When she finished, the manager of the restaurant came up to the table.

Oh, no. Shego thought.

"Hello ladies, sir." He began. "I just wanted to personally hope you enjoy such a fine bottle of Scotch. Is tonight a special occasion?"

"Sort of." Duff answered. "Meh two friends an' eh jus' graduated from te university."

"Oh, which one, the one not too far from here, right near the prison?"

Shego's heart jumped.

"Aye. Tha's te one."

"And what are your majors?" the manager seemed genuinely interested, which helped Shego calm a little. But she had a hunch he was just pressing questions.

"Eh graduated wit Medicine, Ashley 'ere graduated wit Theatre," he pointed to Camille. "an' Megan graduated wit….Education."

Shego froze. Did he know I wanted to be a teacher when I was younger?

"Well congratulations, all of you." The manager smiled. "And from your accent I'm assuming you are from Scotland?"

"Aye, tha' eh am." Duff smiled. "Nothin' makes me feel right at home then eh wee Johnny Walker." The two men shared a laugh. "Thought tonight eh would go all out an' order te best label. It's eh shame meh friends don't drink scotch, though. They'd be missin' out!"

The manager smiled again. "Absolutely." Then, his smile faded. "Unfortunately, sir, I hate to ruin your celebration, but on policy we would require an imprint of your credit card for the bottle, because it is so expensive. Surely you understand we must take some security measures?"

"Not eh problem. Only eh'll be paying fer te dinner in cash. Eh don't believe in credit cards." Duff didn't want the man to see his name on the card. "Eh can give ye te money now if ye like." Duff fished into his pocket and pulled out a wad of twenties. "Ye can jus' bill me now fer te bottle an' bill me later fer te rest of te dinner." He swished between bills as he counted. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty…

The waitress produced a slip and handed it to the manager. He showed it to Duff. "Thank you for your cooperation. Not that we find you suspicious, but we have had incidents where many drinks are ordered and the customer runs without paying. Such an expensive bottle, we…"

"Don' worry about it. Eh understand completely." He handed the man nearly three hundred dollars. "Keep te change."

The man handed the money to the waitress and whispered something in her ear, probably asking her to check the bills for counterfeit. "Thank you sir. What was your name again?"

Duff paused for a moment, like he wasn't prepared to give a fake name, and was uncomfortable saying it. "Rene…Rene Kale."

The manager extended his arm and shook 'Rene's' hand. The waitress came back and nod her head. The bills were good.

"It was a pleasure doing business with you Mr. Kale. Enjoy your dinner ladies." He smiled and walked away.

Without a single word from either women, Duff pulled the seal on the bottle and pulled the cork. He poured himself a glass and lifted it. "Cheers." Camille clunked her water with his, but Shego remained immobile.

The waitress came back to their table. "Are you all ready to order your food?"

"I'll have the eggplant parmigiana." Camille said first. "I'm starving."

The waitress Adrianna wrote that down. "And for you, ma'm?" she inquired to Shego.

"Um, I guess I'll have the linguini with white clam sauce…" Shego said. She tried to act as calm as possible. She was still surprised how Duff managed to order that bottle so…smoothly as Camille put it.

"Okay, that's really good here. And you sir?"

Again, Duff stared at the menu like it was a different language. He didn't answer the waitress for a good minute. "Sorry, ehm nae used te eatin' Italian food…whut would ye recommend?"

"Oh, well are you looking for meat, fish, no meat?"

"Meat."

"Well, if you want to try a classic Italian dish, our chefs make a mean spaghetti and meatballs."

"Actually I'll have te trippa alla romana."

Camille choked on the water she was drinking. She knew Italian.

Again, the waitress was taken aback. No one orders the tripe. No one.

"Err…sure." She wrote that down too.

"Really, Duff? Really?" Shego said.

"Whut? It's te closest thing te whut eh normally eat."

"Ew…" Camille whispered.

"I'll…um…okay thanks. It'll be out soon." The waitress scurried away.

"Are you like this at every restaurant?" Shego asked him. "Obnoxious and disgusting?"

"It's nae obnoxious if eh like eh good drink, one eh can afford. An' it's nae disgusting te order offal. People eat it. If tey didn't, tis restaurant wouldn't sell it."

"And do you always order a whole bottle of liquor?"

"If eh want it. Eh don't usually go out."

"But you usually stay in your castle and drink."

"Aye, ye hit it right on te mark. Congratulations, Shego, ye uncovered meh life's story."

"So…what, you're an alcoholic?" Camille asked. Her voice was low and afraid. Her father was the same way.

"Ye could say tha'." He took a long sip and drained his glass. He refilled it.

"No wonder you're so crazy. All that alcohol must be getting to your head, Duff. I mean…your big plan for revenge on your little golfing buddies was to cover the world with grass."

"Nae, eh tink tha' wus te hallucinogens eh took."

Shego raised an eyebrow.

"But on eh normal basis eh prefer opium."

"You're serious?"

Duff answered by draining his glass again.

"My God, you're a complete wreck." Shego said her words flatly. "Why would you do any of that? You're going to end up killing yourself."

"Eh do it because eh have no reason nae te." He paused, and stared at Shego right in the eye. "Ehm nae afraid of death."

He said it in such a way that Shego couldn't roll her eyes or mock him. He meant it as he wanted to die, and Shego knew it all came from pure, essential pain.

No one talked for about five minutes. Shego couldn't stop thinking of how Duff held so many mysteries, and she wanted to discover them all.

"So, like, we're all going back to your castle after this?" Camille inquired to Duff.

"Yer welcome te come unless ye want te be somewhere else."

"I don't have anywhere else…"

"Eh know. Ye told me tha'. Eh wusn't talkin about ye." Shego looked up. "Ye can stay as long as ye like until yer secure enough te find eh new lair or whutever."

"You've never had to move around, place to place?"

"Nae, eh lived meh whole life in one place. Eh couldn't picture livin' anywhere else."

"Well…there's no point in going back to Drakken's last place, it was all blown up." Shego lied, but it was a decent one. Normally, his place does blow up. "I'll have to wait and come up with a plan to go back and break out Dr. D. Or…maybe we can come up with a scheme together."

She was eyeballing Duff. She didn't include Camille in on the 'together' idea.

"Eh don' think yer desires an' meh desires match up, Shego."

I hope he's talking about villainy. "You never know, we both wanted the Sinturian project."

"But fer different reasons eh suspect."

"What was your reason, anyway?"

"Te project contained eh super strong alloy. It would have been useful tem eh."

"What, to make an indestructible golf ball?"

"Eh'm nae all about golf, lassie. It's just meh cover."

The waitress came back with their meals. She placed the parmesan in front of Camille, the linguini in front of Shego, and the trepe in front of Duff.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Camille muttered. She had to look away. She put a hand to her mouth, just in case her stomach couldn't handle the organ dish.

Duff shoveled in the food with no problem. He kept his manners, but didn't even gag once, unlike Camille. She left for the bathroom.

"That looks disgusting." Shego stated. She's seen worse.

"It tastes fine te me. Don't judge somethin' before ye try it. Te world offers so many different dishes, it's eh shame each region keeps its own. Yer all accustomed te eh certain type eh cuisine, yer nae open te everythin' else. In Scotland, offal is normal te eat. There's nuthin' gross about it. Normal meat is animal flesh, skeletal muscle, associated fat an' other tissues. Organs are simply another part of te body. Think, if no cultures ate te organs, whut eh waste killing an' animal would be."

Shego had nothing to say. He took offense to it, and he was right about what he said, but it just looked….odd.

"Why don't ye try it?"

"What? No way, I am not putting that in my mouth."

"Why nae? It's good. There's nuthin wrong wit it."

"I don't think so."

Duff laughed. "It won't kill ye."

"No."

He shrugged. "Suit yerself. But ye should be open te trying new things in life. It's nae adventure if ye don't."

For some reason, Shego thought Duff was talking about something other than the tripe. She wasn't sure what he was getting at, but she wanted to know, and she wanted to work with him. Was this some kind of lesson for her? Was he trying to teach her that working with him would force her to do things she's never done before?

"Fine. I'll try it."

Duff smirked. Shego opened her mouth and leaned over the table. Duff swirled his fork and brought it to her lips. She made a face as the fork went inside, and she closed her mouth over the food. Her tongue tasted the flavor as Duff slowly pulled the fork out of her mouth clean. Shego chewed for a long time, her facial expressions changing like a mood ring. She swallowed. Duff waited.

"It…was….interesting."

Duff smiled and leaned back in his chair. He drank his glass of Scotch and raised it in celebration of 'trying new things'

Camille came back and sat down at the table. "Sorry. I had to…um….not look at that." She began to eat her food, and made sure her eyes didn't wander the table. Shego began to eat her food as well.

Duff finished before them and finished up his bottle of Scotch. Shego watched him, and wondered if he would be getting drunk any time soon. He stayed as sober as if he hadn't drank anything, even up to the last drop.

Duff sought out the waitress from earlier and asked her to bring him the check. She wrote it up for him, a measly fifty dollars in comparison to his single bottle of liquor, and he walked with her to the register. Shego could see them talking, but she was too far away to hear the conversation. She got up and pretended to go to the bathroom. She slowed as she passed them, and hid behind one of the booths to listen.

"Ere ye go lass."

A gasp. "Sir…I can't accept this. A hundred dollar tip? That's more than the meal itself!"

"Don't worry about it, eh've got more than enough te spare. Yer service wus great."

"Oh, thank you! You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Why? Are ye fallin' behind on bills er sometin?"

"Basically. It's silly to say this to someone who obviously has money. This is my third job. What do you do, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Eh own eh few businesses."

Which ones?! Shego shouted in her head.

"Wow. I don't know a thing about business."

"Tis easy, just sell things tha' people want. Whut are yer other jobs?"

"Another waitressing job and…um…a little acting."

"Ye workin' on anything good?"

"Um…..I don't know, I guess."

The girl was quiet. There was a pause as Duff looked at her.

"Ye do television shows or movies?"

"Like…videos, sometimes a short movie or two."

Shego couldn't see the waitress' face. Duff had an expression of realization wash over him. He spoke lower than usual. Shego could barely hear him.

"Videos…like…?"

He gave her a look. She seemed to guess what he was thinking, because she lowered her head and nodded.

"How'd ye like te make eh little bonus tonight?"

Is he asking her what I think he's asking her?

"What…do you want?"

"Whutever ye feel comfortable doin'."

The rest of their conversation was too low for her to hear. After their conversation, Duff followed the waitress to the front entrance and they went outside.

That's more disgusting than the tripe.

Shego sat back down at the table and Camille looked up at her. "Where did Duff go?"

"You don't want to know. I think we're going to be here for a while, though."

"Oh…should we order some dessert? I usually don't eat…like…fattening things but the biscotti looks really good."

Shego sighed. "Sure. We'll get some coffee with it too, I guess."

Camille asked one of the waiters to get them two coffees and two servings of vanilla almond biscotti cookies. The waiter asked where Adrianna went, their other waitress. Shego acted like she didn't know, and the waiter took their order and headed to the kitchen.

Shego couldn't stop thinking of what Duff and Adrianna were doing outside. She half wanted to check on them, but she also didn't want to see what she knew what she would find. In a way, Shego thought they were scheming something, and Duff was going to pay her to do some job for him that was involved in his secret plan. She was dying to figure out what it was. He was put into jail for experimenting with illegal substances, he was reading a book in some strange alien language…it all had to add up to something. Duff wasn't usually a secretive man unless he didn't want anyone to catch him doing something bad. There was a lot about him Shego never knew until he opened up from that group therapy session. His sad childhood, his drinking and use of drugs…Shego wasn't sure if she even wanted to work with him. She didn't know what else of his personal life she would find out.

The waiter brought out two plates with three cookies on each, drizzled with chocolate. He set two cups of steaming hot coffee in front of each girl. He wrote up another slip and put in on the table.

"Take your time. Enjoy, ladies."

Shego rested her chin in the palm of her hand as she stirred her biscotti in her coffee. Camille looked at her.

"Why are you all mopey?"

Shego looked up. "I'm not. Just tired."

"You're thinking of him, aren't you?"

Shego snapped her head up to look at her. "What?"

"Duff. You're thinking of him. I don't blame you, like, how can you not?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't look at me like you're clueless."

"Ugh. You're more twisted than he is."

"Because I can tell you're attracted to him?"

"Please. Why on Earth would I be attracted to an alcoholic man whore? He just walked out with the waitress and they're probably doing it on top of the dumpsters!"

"So you're stalking him because you're not attracted to him."

"I…I think he's up to something. A plan. I want in on it. And I don't need you around telling him that I'm spying on him so he can feel free to hit on me!"

"He works alone."

"Oh, and how would you know?"

Camille smirked. "It's amazing what you find out when you look like someone else."

Before Shego could ask what she meant, Duff walked back in and sat down at the table with him. The waitress walked past their table and into the back.

Shego turned her head. She couldn't even look at him. Camille, on the other hand, smiled at him.

"Shego claims that you've been screwing a certain waitress all this time."

"Why you little…" Shego jumped up out of her seat and flashed her arms to the side of her body. She was about to light up.

Duff grabbed her wrist…tightly. Shego didn't know he was that strong. She actually winced in pain.

"Sit down." He commanded. Still scowling at Camille, she sat down. Once they were out of the public restaurant, she was going to kill her.

"'Screw' is eh strong word." Duff stated. "Besides, eh consider it charity. Te poor lass needed some money."

"And you couldn't just give it to her? That's charity." Shego stated.

"Well if eh can get somethin' fer mehself outteh te deal, then why not?"

"You're disgusting."

"Lassie, eh've lost every ounce of dignity eh ever had fer mehself eh long time ago. Eh don't give eh fuck whut ye think of meh. Every day eh somehow manage te degrade mehself some new way. Eh already know ehm disgusting."

Shego didn't say anything. She figured it wasn't her spot.

Duff got up and put a twenty on the table for their desserts. "Let's go. Te jet won't be here fer another seven er eight hours."

"What are we going to do until then?" Camille asked.

Duff looked down at her, and around at the restaurant. He pushed in his chair and walked towards the front entrance. "We drive."