A/N: Finally managed to get this done. I'm so excited what you all make of this chapter, as always an emotional roller-coaster lies ahead. Also, 8000 words?! These chapters just seem to be getting bigger.
He really had done it this time. His dad would without a doubt kill him once they arrived home. Dean huddled in the backseat of the Impala, his brother next to him looking just as downcast. Their father was in the front, eyes fixed on the road and steering wheel gripped tight within an inch of its life. Dean could see the tension in the man's shoulder, his whole body wound tight, like a bomb on a quickly counting down timer, ready to go off at any second. Yet John remained quiet. The silent treatment was the worst though. He'd rather dad would yell at him, get it over with already. But he had not uttered a single word since he'd dragged Dean out of the police station and into the car.
It was all a blur, like Dean was looking from the outside in. It felt like he was somewhat weirdly detached from himself. This was not happening to him, it must be some weird alternate version or reality.
Because he would have not believed himself to be quite this stupid, getting talked into taking a little spin with his friends without sparing a thought to the consequences or question the sudden appearance of the car. He was usually more cautious than that, tended to keep a level head. But in that moment he'd felt the thrill, just wanted to be carefree and stupid, feel like any of the other kids on a Saturday evening. His foolishness was helped by a small amount of alcohol courtesy of one of his friends dad's drinks cabinet, not that this fact made him feel any better or less like an idiot.
Dean was well aware that none of them were of legal driving age, but he had no idea that the actual car had been hot wired and didn't belong to anyone's parents. If at all, he could only be held responsible for not having asked the obvious questions. Ten minutes into the drive the police had pulled up behind them and they slammed to a stop. The others quickly jumped out of the car and ran, so he did as well on impulse, only he had been too slow and one of the cops chased him down into an alleyway.
Really, he didn't want to resist arrest but panic took over. The rest was just a blur of finding himself pinned to the floor and led into the police car in handcuffs, as he might have tried to wriggle free of the cop's grip on him, but again, anything after the run was kind of hazy.
No one fucking believed him that he didn't steal the car, that he hadn't even known it was stolen. They asked him to disclose the names of the other persons involved, but Dean remained stubbornly silent. He wouldn't give up his friends, he was no snitch, even though he had no idea if any of the other guys would have done the same. As a result of his non-cooperation he was being charged and his father was called to come and pick him up. Dean had been too subdued to even try and lie about his name and the police managed to track his dad down easily enough, getting hold of him at work, which Dean was positive didn't go down well with his old man. At least he didn't appear to be drunk when he turned up.
Dean spent what seemed like forever being detained in this damn interrogation room, while outside John was having words with the officers and then he was finally released into his father's care and sent home. Dean still had no idea what was being said or if and when he might have to turn up at the juvenile court or, more importantly, what the hell was going to happen to him now.
His brother, who had been waiting in the car this whole time, was throwing worrying glances his way ever so often but knew better than to speak with their father fuming in the front seat.
All too soon they pulled up in front of their house and Winchester senior motioned for his two sons to follow him inside.
"Sam, go upstairs and get ready for bed." Came the steely voice of their old man as soon as the front door closed.
"But dad, I-"
"I said go upstairs, now." Their dad's voice was shaking with anger, as he gritted out the words.
Dean could see Sammy was about to dig his heels in and gave him a small shake of his head. He didn't want is brother to be around for the inevitable shit-storm.
"To your room!" John ordered with no room left for interpretation and finally Sammy moved, not taking his eyes off his brother as he headed up the stairs.
Dean stood stock-still, straight posture, shoulders back and eyes straight ahead, despite wanting to crawl under a rock and die. But he wouldn't add to his dad's wrath by looking weak. He would take this like a man, like he had been taught.
His father stared at him for a moment that seemed to last all eternity, his eyes full of rage. Then, without warning, the shouting started.
"You stupid son of a bitch, what were you thinking?"
"I-" Dean started but was silenced with a wave of his father's hand.
"Did I tell you to speak?" John's voice roared.
Dean shook his head meekly, wanting nothing more than to look away, to have this happening to someone else, another Dean. But he was too scared to avert his gaze, so he willed his eyes to stay on his dad.
"No, you weren't thinking at all, were you? Stealing a goddamn car and getting in trouble with the police. Letting them snoop around our family business, tainting the family name. I can't even find words to tell you how disappointed I am. I'm glad your mother is not around to see this."
Ouch, this was worse than a punch to the stomach. Dean had to swallow hard to keep the tears at bay. Mom- mom would have been so upset if she could see what he had become. His father was right, he was a disgrace to his family, stupid and selfish. Dean just stared at his dad, not sure if he was allowed to speak yet, not that telling the truth or defending himself would do any good. It would just make the man think that he was a sissy for trying to evade responsibility for his actions.
His dad glared at him, a hand carding through his hair as he clearly fought hard not to lose it completely. He shook his head disapprovingly at Dean before he spoke again.
"Go upstairs and pack your bags."
"What?" Dean's voice wavered in panic.
"I said pack your bags. The only reason the owner of the car didn't press charges was because I agreed to send you off to a camp for young delinquents. And call yourself damn lucky that Bobby's wife has contacts or you would have ended up in one of the shitholes on the police's list. I'm driving you down tomorrow. Everything is arranged with Jody."
"But Sammy-"
"No 'But Sammy'- You think I want you within ten feet of your brother right now? Want your bad influence to rub off on him? Damnit boy, that kid is looking up to you and this is what you teach him? You won't be allowed anywhere near your brother until you sorted yourself out. Disobedience, breaking windscreens, joyriding in stolen cars, what's next? And are you going to take all of us down with you? Think about your brother for fuck's sake. You need to take this kind of shit serious. Sam will be just fine here with me."
His brother, Dean was always thinking about his brother, how dared dad question this. That was exactly the reason why there was no way Dean was going to leave here without his brother, just no. He was the one who knew how Sammy liked his pancakes and when he was in a bad mood and needed cheering up. He hardened his features looking directly into his dad's eyes.
"Sammy needs me, I not going anywhere without him."
John took a step towards his oldest son, towering over him, his voice deliberately low, almost a snarl. "There are two options, either you go tomorrow without a fight or I'll drag your sorry ass right back to the police station and let them file charges against ya. You have any idea what a criminal record will do to your future? Goddammit, you're almost fifteen years old and this ain't no Childs play. Now go and pack your bags, I can't even look at you right now. And don't get any funny ideas, I want you to sleep on the couch tonight.
John was about to head up the stairs when he noticed Sammy scrambling back to his room from where he was perched on the top of the stairs. Already his younger son was disobeying him just like Dean. He stopped and turned around. "Actually, wait here. You are to stay away from your brother, do you understand."
Dean made no move, just stood there, not knowing what to do or which way to turn. this was not happening, not to him.
"I said, Do You Understand!"
"Yes, sir." Dean replied, jolted into action by the harsh sound in John's voice. He swallowed back his anger, even as his hands curled into fists in helpless frustration. He felt like he was four years old, bile rising up as he fought the urge to throw up. What choice did he have? Get prosecuted for some shit he didn't really do and risk getting a record, that was not happening. Yeah he had been absolutely out of his mind getting in that car in the first place, even if it hadn't been stolen it was asking for trouble, but he did not steal it and would not be someone's scapegoat. Or he could spent his next who knew how many months away from here, from Sam, from Cas, getting brainwashed into being a 'good member of society' by some psycho crooks.
He was trapped, plain and simple. Their dad wanted him gone and he could kick and scream but his father was still his responsible adult and as such had the upper hand. In the end he had no one else to blame but himself for what happened. Maybe his father was right, he was just dim-witted and useless, not even able to stay out of trouble long enough to fulfill the one job that was expected of him, to look after Sammy.
John headed up the stairs, leaving him standing all alone in the hall. A moment later a duffle bag, followed by an assortment of Dean's clothes, was thrown down. Clearly he was not even allowed in his room he shared with Sammy anymore.
Renewed tears were starting to pool in his eyes, only the fear of his dad seeing him cry held them at bay as Dean bit the inside of his cheek in a futile attempt to stay in control. He picked up the clothes and stuffed them in the bag. If his dad wanted to make him feel like the piece of crap he apparently was, he succeeded.
His father's voice was reverberating in his head, all the times he told him he needed to try harder, to be better, to be a good role model for Sammy. Well he'd blown that, and he couldn't take that voice in his head anymore. He frantically worked his hands over his head. He wanted to just disappear, get lost and never be found, but he couldn't leave his brother behind. He had to find a way to convince his father to cut his stay short, god he didn't even know where he was going. His only ray of hope was that Bobby and Jody most likely wouldn't send him anywhere too horrible.
His anger turned to self-loathing and fear and Dean could feel his chest tighten as he tried to fight for air. He wanted to break something just to get rid of some of the pent up emotions he didn't want to feel. Anything to stop him from breaking down. His dad's voice in his head just needed to shut up. God, he just needed to hear something nice, a soothing gravely voice appeared in the back of his head, telling him that he was special, that he deserved to be happy. Cas. Dean tried to take a few steadying breaths, focusing on the memory of his friend's voice, and how in the past it had managed to calm him down, but he still found it hard.
Dean suddenly had the overwhelming urge to see the man. Despite some of their issues he was the only person, other than Sammy, who seemingly accepted him as he was, liked him despite or because of it and Dean needed to hear it, that voice telling him that he was not some useless waste of space.
He couldn't care less that he was disobeying a direct order from his father. Screw him, it wasn't like he could get into any more trouble, couldn't sink any lower in his dad's estimation. It must have gone way past midnight by now and his dad had pretty much abandoned him to his own devices, other than telling him he had to sleep on the couch. He pulled on his jacket and headed out the front door.
The lights were out at Cas' place, no surprise given the time but Dean banged on the door regardless. When nothing happened he banged louder, adding a desperate 'Come on Cas' under his breath. He would not go back home tonight, he'd rather sleep in the Impala if he had to. In a last ditch attempt he used both hands, the flats of the palms continuously meeting the wood of the door with force, harder and faster like everything was the door's fault, until his skin started stinging. At least the pain gave him something else to focus on.
The turning on of the light startled him. Exhausted he rested his head against the doorframe, a "Cas" slipping from his lips. The man must have heard it through the closed door, as a second later it opened and he stared at Dean, all tired looking, rumpled hair and clad in button down blue pjs.
"Dean, do you have any idea what time-" the rest of the sentence got lost as Cas took in the shivering form in front of him, shoulders hunched and eyes wide in panic.
"I'm sorry, I just- I can't stay there."
"What happened?" Cas could already feel a knot forming in his stomach, worrying about Dean and whatever could have reduced him to such a state at this time of night. His eyes scanned Dean for any visible marks or telltale signs, the last run-in with the old Winchester still vivid in his mind.
"I- he- he's going to send me away and I-" Dean started and stopped a few times, not knowing which bit to focus on first.
Cas stared at Dean in a mix of concern and shock. "What do you mean 'Send you away?"
Dean took in a deep gulp of air, seemingly unable to speak as he slowly curled in on himself, and that jolted Cas into action.
"Come in," he said while simultaneously placing an arm under Dean's and leading him inside.
As soon as the front door was closed, Dean flung himself at Cas, craving the comfort he knew his friend could give him. The man didn't hesitate to hug back, feeling the boy tremble in his arms.
"Sh, it's going to be ok." Cas whispered the platitude, despite having still no idea what this was about and whether it in fact would be ok. He had a strange and painful sense of having been here before, always having to pick up the pieces when Dean's father messed up. The one who should protect his son and make him feel safe and special, instead was breaking him down bit by bit. Just because he himself was broken. That was no excuse though and Cas could feel his temper rising, enraged on Dean's behalf but he kept it under wraps, trying to exude calm and comfort. It would not help Dean one iota if he lost it as well.
Cas' hand was running soothingly down Dean's back, pulling him closer, like he could shield him from the outside world. God he wanted to so badly. If he had any say in this, John Winchester could go screw himself and Sammy and Dean would stay with him or go live at Bobby's. The old gruff man seemed to genuinely care for these children, as the occasional telephone conversation between them had established.
He could feel Dean shake his head, mumbling something inaudible against Cas' chest, trying to breathe. With one final big gulp of air he let go of the man and started to frantically pace the length of the hallway.
"He can't do that, right? He can't just send me away like that. I have to finish the school year, right. And Sammy- who would bring Sammy to school and make sure he's fed, dad is working shifts or he's at the - he can't do that." Dean looked panicked as the words tumbled out of his mouth.
"Dean, maybe if you start at the beginning."
And just like that it came all tumbling out. The meeting up with his friends and having a drink and the subsequent not so bright idea of them ending up taking a spin in a stolen car.
"Cas, you have to believe me, I had no idea it was stolen. Really I did not know, please." Dean begged, still walking up and down the length of the hallway as he talked through wet eyes and snot, because for some reason it still mattered what the older man thought of him. Mattered more than what anyone else thought because Cas had always believed in him. Dean looked at the man beseechingly.
"Please, I would never do something that stupid-"
"Dean it's ok, I believe you." Cas replied, any frustration he might have felt at Dean's folly was dissolved by the way the boy looked like he already beat himself up plenty over it. And Cas had no doubt he had, and probably his father on top of that. He would not need another berating.
"I need you to calm down though, can you do this for me Dean?"
"I can't. Dad is going to send me away and if I refuse to go they will press charges and I might get taken away anyway or- I don't know. Cas I can't leave Sammy, what is he going to do without me. He needs me and-"
"Dean please." Cas all but begged as he tugged at Dean's arm who was still pacing like a caged animal.
At Cas' touch all fight seemed to seep out of him, he stopped and took in short sharps gulps of air.
"Take some slow breaths, you're hyperventilating." Cas instructed and placed a hand on Dean's chest, counting with him, and telling him when to breathe in and out.
"What am I going to do?" Dean gasped once he calmed down sufficiently.
"Unfortunately, this is beyond my ability to help with, but I can promise you that Sammy would not be alone, he will have me and, I'm sure Amelia. If you have no choice but to go, I will look after him. You know my door is always open for the both of you."
"I- thanks but I don't want to go-" Dean started to work himself up again, like a bull trying to charge through a brick wall.
Cas tentatively placed a hand on his shoulder, speaking slow and softly. "I know, but there is nothing you can do about it tonight. I wish I could help but this is not within my powers."
Reality and dread was slowly making themselves at home and Dean just crumbled to the floor, looking up at Cas with big pleading eyes, like somehow he could still make this all better. Cas' own chest was aching by now. He had no idea what to do, whether Dean should really even be here, or risk more wrath from his father by being out at this time of night. Although he could understand why the boy wanted to be out of that toxic environment for a bit.
He sat down next to Dean, shoulder to shoulder. "You know if there was anything I could do I would. All I can offer is my moral support. I have you know that I would talk to your father if I had any hope of that leading to anything positive."
Dean snorted at that. "Yeah, that would not go down too well." They stayed in silence for a while, sitting side by side on the cold wooden floor.
"Can I stay tonight?" Dean hesitantly asked eventually.
"I don't know whether this is advisable, would staying out not get you into more trouble?"
"I don't think I could get into any more trouble if I tried." Dean said with so much self-loathing in his voice, Cas visibly flinched.
"But if you don't want me to stay-"
Cas turned and pinned Dean with his gaze. How could he even think that that was the issue. "Dean, you know you are always welcome here. I am just concerned about what might be in your best interest. But of course if you d not want to go back home I understand."
"Thanks." Dean visibly relaxed against the wall and before long a big yawn escaped him.
"You look tired. Let me get the couch ready and I'm sure I can find some clothes for you to sleep in." Cas offered as he got up off the floor, pulling Dean up with him.
"You think I- is it ok for me to take a shower, I can still smell the stench from the police station on me and it kind of creeps me out. I make it quick."
"Of course, you know where the bathroom is, just help yourself to a towel and I will leave the clothes outside the door."
Dean smiled tiredly at Cas before making his way up the stairs and heading straight for the bathroom. He could feel his whole body aching from the stress and the being manhandled and the weariness that was now overtaking him. A long hot shower was just what his tired bones would need.
Cas, true to his word, placed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt outside the bathroom door before getting a blanket and cushion to turn the couch into a makeshift bed. With the amount of time he had people sleeping in his living room lately, he should really consider getting a pull-out couch. He was milling the whole situation over and over in his head. But whichever angle he looked at it there really was nothing much he could do, apart from promise Dean that he would look out for his brother. Dean's action and the subsequent involvement by the police had pretty much maneuvered the teenager into a corner with little wriggle room. All he could do was make sure he could get some rest tonight and try to put his mind at ease.
Cas waited on the couch until Dean emerged from the bathroom, hair still dripping and clad in the pants and t-shirt that were slightly too big for his small wiry frame.
"Hey," he said sheepishly at meeting Cas' eyes.
"Hello, I just wanted to make sure you don't need anything else."
"I will be ok." Dean had doubt he would be but Cas looked exhausted and Dean didn't want to wear his friend out further .
"Good, but you let me know ok, if there is anything I can do."
"Yes, I will." Dean agreed as he sat down on the couch, putting his clothes on the table next to it.
Cas turned to leave the room and Dean watched his retreating form, not wanting the man to leave but also not knowing how to ask him to stay. Then he was alone, the faint light from the streetlamp streaming through a crack in the curtain the only light in the room. The silence stretched painfully around him and he tried lying down and sleep but could not get comfortable. He just could not get his brain to shut up. 'Sammy' and 'What to do now' and ' Cas' going around in a loop.
Dean could feel himself starting to tense up again, miserably hugging the cushion in search for some warmth and contact. But it was a less than adequate substitute when Dean knew what his body really craved was but a few short steps away, resting upstairs.
"Fuck this," he mumbled to himself after another ten minutes of fighting with his internal voice of reason. He got off the couch, and started pacing again, deliberating whether what he wanted to do was a wise thing to do, because he had promised, and he tended to keep his word. On the other hand, this was no ordinary situation and he had no idea how his life would change as a result of this one stupid act, when he would even get to see Cas again, so what would be another stupid act on top of everything else. Plus he had offered- kind off. 'Anything else' he had said. Anything Dean needed. It was a feeble interpretation at best but Dean was willing to take it.
With the voice of reason sufficiently silenced a deep need started to unfurl in his gut and Dean allowed it. This combined with the distaste for feeling so utterly alone had him move. He slowly made his way back up the stairs and towards Cas' bedroom. The door was slightly ajar, as though the man had kept it open on purpose in case Dean would need him. A wave of affection washed over the teenager as he stood in the doorway, just looking at the sleeping form huddled in the bed, the mob of dark hair sticking out from under the duvet.
He just watched and drank it all in. Damn he had tried, he really had, but this feeling for the older man just wouldn't go away. Oh it became easier to deal with over time. Dean was learning to distract himself, but it had never disappeared. No matter how many girls at school flung themselves at him wanting to be the next in line to date 'Dean Winchester', and finding rather creative ways to garner his attention and managing to hold it for a certain amount of time, his thoughts were never far from Cas. He even on one or two occasions considered to just try and get with another dude. See if it truly was something he would enjoy, the whole guy on guy action. But fear of getting found out and basically a lack of opportunity (and a small voice that told he could not do this to Cas, for whatever stupid reason) had kept him from getting too adventurous.
But right here and now, he was beyond tempted to just throw caution into the wind. Fuck promises, he needed Cas, that intense urge to know that there was someone here who didn't think he was a failure, to feel that warm body pressed against his own to remind him that he was alive, flesh and blood with feelings.
Without further thought Dean took the few steps over to Cas' bed and slowly lifted the duvet before as quietly and careful as possible, he didn't want to wake the man, climbed into bed next to him. And talk about déjà vu. It seemed like these small stolen moments of comfort was all that he was allowed.
Only unlike last time Cas stirred and Dean froze as he was met with sleep laden blue eyes blinking confusedly at him.
"Dean?"
"I'm sorry, I know I promised but please, don't send me away, I-" Dean babbled, his body half in and half out of bed.
Cas was alert in an instant, heart hammering in his chest. He knew, was absolutely 200% positive on what the right thing to do here would be. Well, right from the view of the world's perspective, from people looking from the outside in, without any knowledge of the needs and deeper workings of Dean. He needed to send Dean back downstairs to his own makeshift bed. But Cas was convinced that if he turned him away right now, it would shatter the boy completely. And even without that knowledge, the way Dean was looking at him, those green eyes full of hurt and need for connection of some sort, and something Cas would rather not put a name to, he wouldn't be able to say 'no'. There had been too many of those moments in the boy's life where he lost someone or where people just kept pushing him around, pushing him away, and Cas would not do that to him. Not tonight, when Dean's world had crumbled.
"It is ok, you can stay." he said and shuffled over to the end of the bed making more room for Dean to get in.
Dean's eyes were full of gratitude as he sidled in next to Cas. His heart was pumping from where he had prepared himself for the inevitable ultimate turn down, and now picking up speed even more from the prospect of sharing the same bed with Cas.
"Thank you," he mumbled as tried to get comfortable.
Cas nodded his head and turned around, hoping against hope for sleep to find him again, and fast, before he could process what was happening here. He went rigid like a board when a moment later Dean was following his body and molded himself against his back, snaking an arm around his waist. He didn't do anything to discourage or correct Dean, and why the hell didn't he? But he kept his eyes screwed shut like that would make it less real.
Cas' body heat was electric and Dean pressed closer, needing more like a starving man needed food. He nuzzled his face in the crook of Cas' neck, feeling the short strands of hair tickling against his face, taking in the by now familiar and intoxicating scent of the older man. His hand started to draw small circles across Cas' stomach and he could feel the muscles tense and release under the fabric of his pajamas.
Dean's breath hitched just as a sharp exhale escaped Cas too, making his stomach jump. Dean felt every movement and ripple of muscles like it was amplified by a thousand and he craved more, wanted to know what Cas' skin would feel like under his hands. Cas seemed tense but didn't' tell him to stop and, encouraged by this, Dean worked his hand under Cas' shirt, fingertips skirting along warm skin, brushing along the trail of hair below the navel, shivering at the contact.
Cas' breath hitched, he couldn't help the groan escape him as his eyes flew open wide in panic. His hand shot out, grabbing Dean's wandering one and pulled it out from under his top.
"Dean, please-" he begged, voice breathless and close to breaking. "No touching like this." He needed all his resolve to get the words out because for whatever it was worth, he was only human and Dean's fingers against his skin had him yearn for more.
"Ok," Dean whimpered against Cas' neck, keeping hold of the man's hand and letting their entwined hands rest against his chest. Cas held on to the boys' hand like his life depended on it, and quite possibly it did because if said hand started to wander again, he did not know what he would allow it to do.
They stayed like that, their intermixed breathing the only sound in the room, any thought of sleep long forgotten.
God, he was going mad, to have the man so close but not close enough, their bodies were connected but there was still a distance between them, Dean could feel it. Cas still had his back turned and he had the overwhelming urge to see him, that face and those eyes that knew him so well and made him feel just for short moments like he really mattered. He knew he was playing with fire but he quite honestly didn't care. "Cas, please," Dean breathed out against the man's neck and felt a responding shudder.
"Please what?" Cas knew he needed to stop this now, should not even encourage Dean by acknowledging his request, whatever it might be. The hair on his neck stood on end where the teenager's breath ghosted over it.
"I- just turn around, I need to see you."
That Cas could do. He let out the breath he was holding and let go off Dean's hand and slowly turned over, coming nose to nose with the boy. Dean only gazed at Cas' face for a second before, without any hesitation, he cupped his jaw with his hand and leaned in, placing a soft peck on Cas' lips, moaning at the contact of slightly chapped lips against his own.
"Dean-" Cas pulled away slightly, a feeble protest trying to work his way out of his mouth but not quite making it.
"Cas, I need you, please-" And those were possibly the worst words Dean could have thrown at him, because how could he deny the boy what he needed. He only ever wanted to make Dean happy, to give him back some of what had been lost. Somehow along the way this desire got messed up into what it was now between them. Feelings a grown man should not develop for someone that young got involved. Whether they developed as a result of Dean's advances or whether they grew out of his very own desire he didn't know. What even was this here? They shared a special emotional connection despite their age difference that much Cas had to concede. But to engage physically, the thought alone scared the living daylight out of Cas. Every fiber was screaming at him that this was wrong and Dean was currently confused and generally not in a position to make such decisions, and frankly neither was Cas despite being senior in age. But- Dean needed- needed Cas.
A kiss! That was basically what the boy was asking of him. He could give Dean that, surely. People kissed all the time for all sorts of reasons, right? Ignoring the slippery slopes of his reasoning, Cas lifted his gaze, looking into those green eyes that he had come to appreciate so much. He let his eyes trail Dean's face, just making out some of the more prominent freckles in near dark, only interrupted by the faint light coming in through the curtains. Yes, he could kiss Dean, wanted to even, now that he felt stripped bare.
The older man tentatively placed his own hand on Dean's chin, letting his thumb trail along the outline of his bottom lip, marveling at the soft feel of skin, before leaning in and mirroring Dean's earlier peck, a gentle and soft press of lips. When he pulled away Dean smiled, and that right there was his kryptonite. He wanted to see Dean like that always, if he could help it. Cas leaned in again, Dean meeting him halfway until their lips met again. The boy eagerly grabbed him around the back of the neck and pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss and flicking out his tongue, licking along the seam of stubble framed lips.
Cas' mouth opened on impulse and his tongue met Dean's in a tentative brush. Dean moaned and shivered at the contact, this was so much more, so much better than the last one, because this time Cas responded eagerly. Cas' tongue, his lips, the stubble was tickling his skin and Dean wanted more. He was so painfully hard by just a few minutes of kissing, his whole body was burning up.
He pushed Cas back without breaking the kiss and the man willingly let himself be pushed into the mattress. Dean leaned over him, hand exploring his chest and shoulders, above the clothes as per Cas' request. But even like this he could feel the strength of the body under him. His mouth left Cas' in favor of nipping along his jaw and neck and then down towards the collarbone.
"Cas," he groaned, urging him to put his own hands on Dean's back, arms, neck just somewhere, anywhere He needed to connect with him.
Cas complied, albeit tentatively, and stroked up and down Dean's clothed back as his mouth found the boy's again an they kept on kissing. Small sinful moans escaped him, whenever Dean would do something new with his tongue or bite at his bottom lip. Dean wasn't an expert at kissing, not by a mile, but he had kissed a few girls before, experience that came in handy now. The rest he just made up as he went.
"Cas, please-" he begged the older man, who was still too hesitant as far as Dean was concerned. Apparently that did the trick as Cas with a whimper plunged his tongue deep into his mouth, claiming him. Dean felt himself being grabbed by the waist with two strong hands in a way that had him moan and shiver with pleasure, then getting hoisted up by Cas to properly straddle him across his legs.
Dean's already straining and leaking erection brushed against the man's muscled thigh as he was pulled up and that brief but overwhelming friction was too much. He could not have stopped it, even if he'd wanted to. He came, just like that, with a moan and a shudder, toes curling and trembling, convulsing on top of Cas. He fell forward burying his face in his friend's neck as the bliss of his orgasm and the terror and embarrassment he felt made his face flush bright red.
And god forgive him, just for a second, Cas wanted, desired, felt the overpowering urge to just hold on to the teenager's waist and thrust up, to follow him over the edge. It had been too long, his body telling him to keep going but then Dean's moans and embarrassed apologies pulled him out of his trance and he stilled his movements in shock.
"Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, I- oh god-" Dean mumbled against Cas' ear and the man just pulled him closer, cursing himself for his own selfish desires.
"S' ok Dean, hey, 's ok." he shushed, holding Dean through the aftershocks while valiantly ignoring his own arousal, because now that the spell was broken he could not, would not go there. This was already way too far. He had allowed himself to feel too much, not sure why or how but fully aware that he had to stop, pull himself back from the brink. He couldn't, wouldn't blame Dean for his bodily reaction to what they were doing but he himself would not allow himself to descend further into madness.
Holding Dean, Cas took some well needed breaths trying to calm down. He could feel the first shards of dread trying to claw its way up from the deep pit in his stomach but forced them back down. Not tonight, he could worry and panic and hate himself tomorrow, tonight Dean needed him, even more so now, that he had literally come apart.
Dean did not want to move from his position, he felt safe here in Cas' arms but moreso he did not want to meet the man's eyes and see the possible condemnation or pity in them for what had just happened. Not that he could have helped it. He had no idea his body could be this responsive. Still things were getting uncomfortable, he could feel his boxers starting to stick, the mess in them turning cold and icky. So reluctantly he lifted his head and looked at Cas, who looked ten kinds of worried and broken, and shit, Dean had put that look on his face.
Cas saw Dean's face fall, already seeing the self-hatred in them and against his better judgment, because apparently he hadn't fallen far enough, he pulled the teenager down for a gentle kiss, knowing he did the right thing when he felt Dean relax and return the kiss with a sigh, despite knowing he was doing the absolute wrong thing. Dean quickly forgot the messiness in his pants as he just melted into Cas. His arms snaked around him drawing him closer. Dean rested his head on the man's chest, hearing his heart beat frantically against his ribcage and let the noise sooth him.
Dean groaned, not wanting to open his eyes. He was too comfortable pressed up close against a wonderful warm and strong body. But he thought he'd heard something.
"Shit," he cursed as the noise got louder. Someone was banging against the front door. Cas shot up at the sound of Dean's panicked voice, looking confused, like he didn't know where he was and what Dean was doing here.
"Open that goddamn door, Casteel!" A pissed of familiar voice drifted up.
"My dad! What time is it?" Shit, they must have eventually fallen asleep, without setting an alarm. By the sound of it, John appeared to be about ten seconds away from kicking the door down.
Cas scrambled out of bed so fast that he lost his balance and landed with a thud on his butt, his brain still trying to catch up with what was going on, and motor skills still leaving a lot to be desired for. But he had enough clarity to know that a pissed off John Winchester was never a good thing, and that seeing his son in Cas' bed would be like adding fuel to a fire.
"Get dressed, I will open the door and try to appease your father." He instructed and Dean bolted down the stairs to pick up his clothes from the living room, while Cas found his dressing gown and put it on, all the while the banging and cursing got louder and louder.
"Just give me a minute," Cas shouted down the stairs even as Dean raced back up and past him straight into the bathroom.
Cas made his way down slowly, needing every extra second he could get to compose himself. He opened the door, trying to look braver than he felt, but he would not be intimidated in his own house by this man.
John just pushed passed him. "I know my son is here, hiding like the little sissy he is. Dean!"
"I do not recall having invited you into my house." Cas took a step towards the eldest Winchester and stopped him from advancing further in.
"The fuck do I care? What's my son even doing here? Our family affairs are non of your fucking business."
Cas hoped he managed to keep his face neutral, trying not to show the guilt that was quickly working its way up his spine, cold like ice, at the sudden rush of memories of what had happened last night. Even if none of it had been premeditated by him, it did not absolve him of taking responsibility. But he could beat himself up about that later, find a way to do penance. Right now he needed to stay calm at the way this man acted in his house and towards his own son, despite such behavior making his blood boil.
"First, if you would abstain from calling your son such degrading names as 'sissy' maybe he would not have the need to go and seek support elsewhere and second, I will not turn away a friend when he asks for my help, and as I consider Dean a friend, his business is also my business."
"Whatever, I have no time for this crap. I should have left an hour ago to get to Bobby's in time. And if it wasn't for Bobby telling me that I can trust you with my kids I would have punched your face in a long time ago." He added with a snarl. And Cas wanted to shrivel up and die, words getting caught in his throat. He felt not worthy of the trust that the gruff old man seemed to place in him, despite only ever having the boys best interests at heart. Oh god, this was all so messed up, and he still was furious at the way John treated his son.
"You better come out now Dean, I mean it." Cas was left staring at the man. He knew there must be a decent person in there somewhere or at least there had been at one point, Bobby had told him as much, and Cas doubted the older man would be friends with just anyone.
"Or what? You not gonna send me off to reconditioning camp?" Dean's voice interrupted the male stare off as he slowly came down the stairs. Honestly, he rather hide but the real threat of his dad clocking Cas was what made him move in the end. He had put his old clothes back on in record time, minus the boxers which were ruined. He hoped Cas would forgive him for leaving them in his laundry basket.
"Don't get snippy with me boy! Now get in the car." John yelled before turning around and pushing past Cas, with a look of disdain as he made his way to the front door.
"I-" Dean tried to protest.
"I don't care, it will be the best for you in the long run." John went outside, stalking towards the Impala, where a nauseated looking Sam was already waiting in the back seat.
"Cas-" Dean chocked.
"Dean I'm sorry, there is nothing I can do. I- I will call Bobby to see how you are and try to see if we can get you back as soon as possible."
"Promise me you look out for Sammy, please." Dean could feel his eyes well up and quickly rubbed the balls of his hands over them to stem the tears. He wanted to say so much more, wanted to ask what last night meant for them but no words came out.
"I promise I will look out for your brother."
Dean grabbed Cas into a tight hug, placing one last brief kiss on the man's lips before, without another look back, he left and followed his dad like a lamb to the slaughter.
Cas was left standing alone and dumbfounded. Dean's brief kiss had his chest clench tightly. He already missed the boy but - oh god even worse, and he hated himself for even thinking it - but a small part, a devious or maybe rational part of himself, was glad he was leaving. Because Cas needed space, needed time to remind himself that he was not a pervert lusting after underage boys. Apparently he did not have it in him not to feel something more for Dean and quite possibly not seeing him was the only way Cas could get himself back on track, sort through his feelings and holding on to the good while exorcising the ones that he wasn't allowed to have, for both their sakes. Because in the cold light of day Cas was appalled at himself and he quite honestly couldn't deal with this on top of everything else. But now Dean was gone and maybe this was his chance to get out while he still could.
Oh god, please don't hate me for leaving them like this. There's method in my madness.
That said, I am really interested in your opinions regarding this chapter (of course I always am, but because of its contents maybe a tad bit more than usual)