A/N: Hi everyone, I worked extra hard to get this chapter out before I go on holiday because I didn't want to leave you hanging any longer than absolutely necessary. I have to give a shout-out to my awesome beta Spotty333 (on AO3) who must have read about 5 different versions of this before it finally felt right.
This chapter is kind of the vital breaking point, I guess that is why I angsted so much over getting it right, and has lots of emotions, angst and well, Dean and Cas in it. Also this chapter got so long, that I needed to break it up, so technically the next chapter will be the second half of this one.
Cas started to run, urged on by the racket coming from the house, Sammy hot on his heels. Memories came crashing to the forefront of his mind of the last time he had to step in and prevent anything worse from happening.
"What on earth happened?" Cas voiced the thought out loud, already sounding breathless, not expecting to get an answer from the younger Winchester. He looked too spooked to talk and had trouble keeping up with Cas' frantic pace. He believed things had been going reasonably well between the brothers and their father lately but obviously something had changed. Finally at the Winchester house, he burst through the front door and straight up the stairs. He actually didn't know where Sam and Dean's room was but all he needed to do was follow the commotion.
He was halfway up the stairs when he heard John's angry voice, yelling undoubtedly at Dean, and Cas blood ran cold, making him take in a sharp breath.
"No son of my is going to be a faggot."
Cas could feel his heart stop, at the same time climbing the stairs faster, as he could hear Dean whimper and mumble something in reply, which he couldn't quite make out.
"Hey!" Cas yelled for lack of anything better to say, stepping into the room, eyes wide and scanning the scene before him. Both John and Dean looked like they managed to get a few punches in, but now John had Dean in a headlock against the wall. In the end Dean was no match for his dad's sheer physical strength. John' head whipped around, glaring at Cas. Dean was unable to move much. "Cas?" he whimpered.
The room looked like a hurricane had swept through. One of the beds was upturned, books and clothes strewn across the floor. Cas' eyes roamed over the mess and came to rest on what looked like a skin magazine. He gulped as the image of two guys in a very compromising position jumped out at him. Cas tried to put the pieces together as he noticed a laptop on the floor that undoubtedly had been smashed against the wall, as the screen had a big crack across it. Scattered in between the mess he could make out a handful of cigarettes. It couldn't have been more than a few seconds for Cas to take it all in, yet it felt like everything was moving in slow motion. His gaze came back to rest on Dean, and how he looked at him through the hold of his fathers' arm, panicked and tear stricken.
John looked murderous and Castiel had no idea what to do, never been one for a physical fight, still he pulled himself up tall in an attempt to look more menacing, hands balled into fists at his side. He just knew that he needed to get Dean out of here.
"Let go of him." He said in a deep growl, fixing the oldest Winchester with his steely blue eyes.
"Get the fuck out of my house." John snarled, not loosening his grip.
"Not until you let go of Dean." Cas didn't know how he did it but he actually made his body take a step towards the other man, his heart beating so hard in his chest he could feel the pulse pumping in his jugular.
"Fine," John snapped letting go of his son and pushing him into the wall in the process, before storming straight at Castiel and, without warning, punched him in the face. Cas railed back at the impact, but at the same time brought up his right fist and, with a strength he didn't know he possessed, placed a right hook right on John's jaw. He could feel the crack in his knuckles on contact and John's head swivelled back. The man looked stunned for a second, rubbing his jaw but then, with a quick shake of his head, John steadied himself. He grabbed Cas, who still seemed a bit disoriented, and smashed him into the wall.
"This is all your fault, isn't it?" The old Winchester spat, face blotchy red in anger, an inch from Cas' face, before following him with his body, getting in another blow with his left fist and about to throw another blow with his right.
"No," Dean yelled and both he and Sammy jumped their father, trying to hold him back.
"Stop," Sammy begged but his dad was like a person possessed.
"I know what's going on in that house of yours, with you and that pansy friend of yours. I can only imagine what disgusting and twisted stuff you two get up to. People like you are just sick." John roared.
"You probably thought it great fun to corrupt an innocent kid into your perverse ways. Damn, I should have put a stop to this, Bobby and his opinion of you be damned. Does he even know you're a- a fucking cocksucker?"
"Dad, STOP!" Dean all but begged, hanging off John's arm and putting his whole bodyweight into stopping him from hurting his friend further.
Cas was still subdued, but only in parts from the pain on his right chin and the ringing that wouldn't quieten down in his ear. Even through the internal noise he could hear John and his allegations crystal clear and with every accusation came everything he had ever dreaded of hearing. Facts and slurs he had worked on so hard to disassociate with himself. It was almost like he could hear his own father's voice, things he used to say about people like 'him'. And they cut deep. Every word spat in his face was like a burning coal, searing and scorching him, disabling him from doing anything more than stare. It was the look of pain and fear on Dean's face that brought him back to the here and now. God, he needed to focus.
"I- would never- do that." He said, glaring at John. Ouch, his whole face lit up in pain as he moved his jaw.
"Bullshit. You probably gave him those sick sites to look at, and -" waving his left arm, with a desperate Sammy hanging on it, towards the magazine on the floor. "Where else would he even get this filth from."
"I nicked it, ok.!" Dean yelled, immediately regretting volunteering the information when John let go of Cas, which was good, and shaking off Sam, grabbed Dean by his shirt, lifting him up off the floor, which was not so good!
"So what- now you're a fag and a common thief? Stole those cigarettes too while you were at it?"
"I- " Dean choked out, finding it hard to breathe. The shirt he was being held up by at his shoulders was cutting into his throat, or maybe he was just in shock, he couldn't tell anymore.
Sammy was screaming, banging his fists against John's back, begging him to let go of Dean. Cas' vision was still blurry but his goal had to be to get the boys out of here.
"I said let go of him.!" Cas gritted out as he took the few steps towards John's back. He used his whole body weight and barrelled into the bigger man, trying to make him loosen his hold on Dean. It worked and Dean's feet hit the ground and he doubled over, looking like he was about to be sick.
John turned around absolutely livid, holding his side, and Cas again was surprised at his own strength, or maybe he just got lucky and managed to get an elbow into one of his kidneys.
The older Winchester shoved Cas back. "I said GET OUT!" He pushed him again, but Cas dug his heels in.
"Not without the boys." He had no idea where the conviction in his voice came from, he was pretty sure the rest of his body was shaking like a leaf. It must be the adrenaline giving him an artificial high.
"What, so you can get your sick, perverted hands on Sammy next? Turn him gay just like you tried with Dean?"
"You cannot turn anyone gay." Sammy piped in defiantly from somewhere in the back of the room, huddled against Dean, who had an arm around his small shoulders despite still looking pale like a ghost, bruise forming on his left eye. He was quickly silenced with a stare from their father.
"I should just call the cops on you and tell them what you get up to in your spare time."
"Being gay is not a crime." Cas snapped back.
"Yeah, well maybe it should be, but putting your sick hands all over-"
"I never-" Cas protested, panic suddenly rising in his chest. He couldn't breathe. He had damn well kissed Dean and oh god, maybe he was guilty of all the things he was being accused of. But no, it was not like that. Despite his somewhat conflicted emotions towards the teenager he would never take advantage of Dean in the way he was being accused of.
"Go on..." Dean suddenly found his voice, stepping up and standing beside Cas, staring at his dad. He would not stand by and let his dad talk to his friend like that. He was done being scared of this man, done hiding. His dad was the last one who was allowed to stand on any moral high ground.
"Go and call the cops! I'm sure they would love to hear how you just beat your son up-" with a wave to Sammy he continued. "and how you gave the other one a black eye." John's eyes widened. "I did not do that," he hissed.
"But the cops won't know that. So go on, let's see who will get into trouble here tonight." Dean put all the conviction he could muster into his voice, and prayed that his dad wouldn't call the bluff, because really there was no way he would be calling the cops and risk getting him and Sammy put in foster care, most likely getting separated in the process.
John was a string pulled so tight you basically could see it start to snap. Dean gulped down the bile that he felt rising, repeating the mantra of 'please, please, please' in his head.
"So that's how it's going to be. You side with that faggot over your own family. In that case, get out of my fucking house and don't dare come back."
"Don't call me a faggot." Cas protested under his breath. Shit, he needed to shut up and not reignite the fire.
"I call you whatever the hell I want in my own house! Now get the fuck out."
"Come on Dean, Sammy." Cas placed a hand on the small of Dean's back, gently edging him out the door. He just wanted to be a million miles away from here.
"Sammy." Dean repeated, and his brother was about to step past their dad when a big sweaty hand held him back.
"No, YOU get out. Sammy will stay. He will not spend another second with the likes of you." The younger boy stared at Dean and Cas wide eyed and not sure what to do.
"No." Dean and Cas said at the same time. Dean's hands curled into fists. He would fight his dad again, if he had to. He would not leave without his brother, not this time.
"He will stay here with Mandy and me, get a chance at being a normal kid."
"Normal?" Dean's voice broke it was pitched so high. "You don't even know what that word means anymore."
"Well, it surely doesn't mean taking it up the ass! You're making me sick. Get the fuck out and take that excuse for a man with you- or I will make sure the cops will have something worth coming over for." He advanced menacingly towards Dean and Cas again.
"Dean, go, please!" Sammy pleaded, from where he stood next to their father. As much as he wanted to leave with them, he had enough, this just had to stop. He needed his brother to be safe and he knew for that Dean needed to leave, give their dad a chance to calm down. He somehow doubted their old man would physically harm him, not now at least. Dean had always been the one to take the brunt for everything, though so far it never went quite into the physical territory like it had tonight. He looked at his brother and at Cas beseechingly, begging them with his eyes to just go.
"Sammy, no." Dean croaked, taking a step towards his brother, aggressively brushing John's hand off his shoulder and grabbing Sammy's shirt sleeve. "We're not leaving you-"
Dean didn't get to finish his sentence as he was grabbed hard by his dad, who took his arm and yanked it behind his back, immobilising him.
Cas tried to stop him, to get Dean free but John kicked him in the shin before marching the teenager out of the room.
"I said I want you out!" He growled as he rushed down the stairs, pushing a frantically wriggling Dean in front of him, almost making him trip on the steps. Cas and Sam were scrambling behind, both begging him to stop.
John opened the door and shoved Dean through it before doing the same with Cas then closing the door in their face before Sammy could slip through.
Dean scrambled back up to his feet, banging against the door and screaming for their dad to let him in. He only got a 'fuck off' in response. Dean could hear him yell at Sam to go to his room and stay the hell in it. He continued to bang against the door. Some people were peeking out of windows at the racket, but as is common in this neighbourhood no one seemed bothered enough to intervene or to call the cops. Someone even shouted "Shut the fuck up," from somewhere. Cleary this was not the first domestic fight they witnessed and Cas would chance a guess that it won't be the last.
"Dean, maybe we should call the police after all," The older man suggested for a lack of any other ideas of how to fix this. He was pretty certain Dean wouldn't like the idea but maybe it would be for the best.
"No! They're just going to take us away or worse- dad will feed them some lies. You heard what he said! There has to be another way - Open the goddamn door!" Dean was shaking as he now used his feet to pummel the door. But instead someone turned the lights off inside, basically telling them that this was over.
Dean slid down the length of the door, hands in his head. "Damn it."
He felt Cas' hand on his arm. "You think he will hurt him?" It was an honest enough question and Dean shrugged his shoulders. 'Normally I'd say no, if he is wise enough to keep his head down.'
"Sammy is clever, he will know to stay out of your dad's way but- I don't know if there's much else we can do tonight. We think of something tomorrow, I promise. We could call Bobby, he might be able to talk some sense into your dad. God Dean, I'm so sorry." Cas gulped looking at the small heap of a boy on the floor. Dean suddenly looked like he had gone catatonic, like all the fight has left him.
"Come on, let's get you cleaned up and then we think about what to do next." Cas pulled Dean up by the hand and Dean wiped his wet and snotty face with his sleeve.
"Ok," he said meekly, staring back at the house and praying to a god he didn't believe in that Sammy would be smart, and stay safe until they could get him.
Cas led the boy across the road, through his own open front door, which he shut, locking it for good measure. He didn't quite expect John to burst through the door but it felt safer like this. He manoeuvred Dean over to the couch and motioned for him to sit down.
Dean was in a stupor, about to lower himself onto said couch and never move again, when his stomach made itself violently known and he jumped up and darted towards the stairs, managing to get to the bathroom just in time to empty his stomach of this evening's dinner.
Dean was bent over the toilet, head in the bowl and stomach cramping. There was nothing left but some bile but he couldn't stop gagging. A warm, comforting hand was being placed on his back and started rubbing circles onto it. It took him another minute or two but eventually the urge to gag stopped and he turned around, sinking down and back against the base of the toilet, looking up at Cas, meeting the worried eyes with his own.
"Here," The man held out a glass of water. "Might help with the taste in your mouth." Cas offered the glass before he lowered himself down next to Dean, letting out a groan at the pain he could feel in his right side.
Dean flashed his friend a small smile. Cas couldn't help but notice how it didn't quite reach the boy's normally so bright and sparkling green eyes. Eyes that now seemed so tired and empty, and Cas hated that look on Dean's face. It had no right to be there. The boy deserved so much more, so much better.
"Thanks" Dean mumbled, before taking an eager gulp. His face hurt from where, no doubts bruises had already formed. At least he'd managed one good swing at his old man, not that the thought really helped rid him of this goddamn hole that had been blasted right through him, where his heart used to be.
The water helped somewhat, still the bitter taste in his mouth remained and Dean scrunched up his face as he swallowed, handing the empty glass back to Cas.
Cas must have seen the awkward swallow as he got up and rummaged through his cabinet, presenting Dean with a new toothbrush a moment later.
"Knew I had one stashed away somewhere." He tried to smile as he handed it to Dean, but his whole left side was in agony, especially around the eye, so he aborted the motion mid move. The adrenaline was slowly leaving his body and he could feel a dull pain start to spread all over. It wasn't every day that he was thrown into a wall and punched, multiple times.
Dean got busy with his teeth and Cas stared at his hand, the right one to be precise, which looked red and swollen, and he joined Dean at the sink letting cold water run over his knuckles, soothing the pain.
"Man, that looks bad, you might want to get that checked out." Dean mumbled around the toothbrush, and Cas wondered whether the boy was right. He had no experience in these matters, but for now this would have to do. Maybe some painkillers and some ice would help. He dug around and found some Advil, popping two in his mouth and threw his head back, swallowing them dry
He held the pack out to Dean. "If you think you can keep them down, it would probably be a good idea to take some."
Dean nodded and took two tablets, washing them down with some water from the tap. A silence settled between them. They both stood there, letting whatever just happened sink in, or possibly trying to blend it out. Dean probably would need to talk about what happened, Cas thought, studying the boy's reflection. But knowing Dean, he would need some time to process. Now was most likely not the right time. He could see how exhausted Dean looked and he himself didn't feel (or look) much better.
He took in both their faces in the mirror and Dean stared back at him from the shiny surface. Dean's left eye was swollen and turning an interesting shade of purple and Cas' own face was sprouting a shiner to rival it. He could make out another bruise on the boy's left cheek where there was dried blood along a small cut. Cas had dried blood on his lip from where it had split. God they looked like they just went three rounds with a bull.
Cas suddenly had to laugh, he couldn't help it. This was what madness must feel like, he was certain. "Look at us!" He snickered, waving a hand between them, pointing at the mirror. Oh god, laughing hurt, and he wondered whether there were more bruises hiding along his body, but he couldn't stop chuckling. This had to be a dream, right?
Dean kept staring at him in the mirror, raising an eyebrow but already felt his own manic laughter bubble up. Cas' face was crinkled up, almost in pain, at it looked so out of place on the man right now that Dean just couldn't help the chortle escaping him. And he was sure he was laughing; he had to be, the way his body was shaking, why then were his eyes welling up all of a sudden? His chuckles suddenly sounding like sobs?
"I'm not going to cry!" he gritted through clenched teeth, facing himself in the mirror.
"Hey it's ok." Dean felt Cas' arms come around him from behind, wrapping him up tight, keeping him safe and Dean couldn't think of a reason not to let go of it all. He turned around, pressing himself tight against the man and burying his face in his neck. His own arms snaked around his friend's torso to the back and he buried his hands in Cas' shirt, bunching it up and holding on to it like otherwise Cas would disappear.
"Cas" Dean whimpered through sobs, his body shaking. Cas tightened his arms around him in response, resting his face in the boy's hair.
"Hey- hey, I'm here, alright." Cas' familiar low voice was like a soothing balm to Dean. Cas moved one of his hands up and carded his fingers through the teenager's hair, the other one still holding him tight, keeping him close.
"Will you still be here tomorrow?" Dean mumbled into Cas' shirt, sobs slowly dying down.
"Of course," Cas replied and knew he meant it. As long as Dean would let him, he'd be here for him.
"Look at me." Cas gently cupped the teenager's face with his hands and lifted his chin until his gaze met his own, beseechingly looking into his green, red rimmed eyes.
"We will figure this out, ok. I promise. And we- but for now, let's clean up those cuts, ok." He spoke softly, and Dean nodded, thankful for the man in front of him, the way he always came through when it mattered, and his mouth curled up at the edges. "Yeah, your lip has seen better days, too." Dean's eyes flicked down to Cas' mouth, and then back up to Cas' eyes, not liking how one eye was almost completely shut, it was so swollen. Cas held his gaze for a long moment, neither of them moving, and Dean could feel his throat go dry, as he swallowed nervously, suddenly feeling a weird kind of buzz under his skin.
Cas was the first to move. He closed the toilet lid and motioned for Dean to sit down. He rummaged through the cabinet again, eventually victoriously producing a tube of antiseptic cream.
He turned to Dean, his eyes roaming over the boy's face, studying his injuries. He gently brought up his hand, tracing the outline of his eye, where it was swollen and bruised. Dean flinched at the contact before relaxing again, leaning into the touch.
"Tender," He hissed.
"Hold on." Cas said before disappearing and coming back a minute later with two bags of frozen peas. One was already pressed against the knuckles of his right hand, although Dean would argue his eye might need it more urgently at present.
"Here, hold this on." Cas offered the other bag to Dean who took it gratefully and pressed it against his eye, watching with his good eye as the man rummaged some more, grabbing a small towel and wetting it before lowering himself and positioning his body between the V of Dean's legs. Dean couldn't help the swallow or the consequent lick of his lips as blood rushed to his face at the sudden intimacy of their position. Cas didn't seem to notice though, his brows furrowing in concentration as he methodically and very gently started to wipe the cloth across Dean's swollen cheek, letting it rest over the dried blood to loosen it. He very carefully stared to remove the dried blood, placing his other, swollen hand on Dean's chin, holding his head still. Dean winced at the initial contact and the sting of the water on the cut but after a second the comfort of the coolness took over and he relaxed, reminding himself that Cas wouldn't hurt him.
"This will be cold," The older man warned as he placed some of the antiseptic cream on his finger and started to gently working it into the skin. Dean sighed. Once the sting had gone it felt really nice having Cas caress his face. It was weirdly calming and stimulating at the same time.
"There, good as new." Cas smiled up at Dean from where he was still perched between his legs and Dean had to gulp again, already missing the touch. "You sure you haven't got any other cuts or bruises from when, you know-" Cas couldn't get to actually say it, not wanting to upset Dean again.
"Dunno, there was a fair amount of shoving going on. One way to find out." Dean said, before swiftly pulling his shirt off over his head, wincing as his shoulder protested at the movement. Damn his dad must have twisted his arm bad.
Dean stared down at Cas, who suddenly looked like he was in pain as he stared at him.
"Is it bad?" He asked, looking down at himself. He could only make out two small bruises across his right side, and looked back at Cas, confused. What had the man so spooked all of a sudden?
Cas had no idea why he couldn't stop staring. He should focus on the task at hand, but he was mesmerized by the sight in front of him. It physically pained him to see Dean's body bruised, and he really just wanted to march right back over there and give John Winchester a taste of his own medicine (Cas decided there and then to take up boxing or something), at the same time he couldn't help admire Dean, the person he was turning into. He drank in the boy, almost man, and couldn't help but notice the way his body had continued to fill out over these last months, arms stronger and shoulders broader than he remembered.
Dean seemed just as focussed, studying Cas intensely with his green eyes. The way his left eye was almost closed now, skin purple against the otherwise pale skin. He couldn't get himself to move, was scared of even breathing for some reason. He felt like he didn't want to interrupt Cas and whatever daze he had fallen into. Cas' eyes on him like that, like he was something special to behold, made Dean's stomach flip and his pulse quicken. Not that he was anything special but Cas' gaze was like a balm to his soul right now.
Castiel eyes roamed over Dean's chest, fascinated by the freckles dotted across it and the small smattering of hair. He let his gaze drop and come to rest on the larger of the bruises. His breath hitched as he brought up his hand and gently let his fingertips touch the skin, feeling Dean tremble at the contact. "No one should ever be allowed to do that to you." Cas whispered, not quite knowing where the sudden possessiveness in his voice came from, or the body shudder that accompanied his statement.
"Cas" Dean whimpered, the barely there touch throwing him into action. He reached out, cupping the older man's face with his hands, pulling him up and closer to him, close enough that he could feel the laboured exhales on his skin, the faint smell of coffee and alcohol invading his senses as he rested their foreheads together, closing his eyes, just absorbing the presence of this man.
He could feel Cas' warm breath on him, and it send a shiver down his spine despite feeling hot and clammy. Feeling brave, Dean's thumb started to trace the outline of Cas' mouth, coming to a stop at the crusted over blood where his lip split. "You should take care of that." He smiled against Cas skin, where his mouth was brushing his cheek, eyes still closed.
"Dean," Castiel moaned quietly, not knowing whether he was asking him to stop or begging him to just carry on and do it, put him out of his misery. To break down the last of his resolve, because right now he had none left to spare. He just wanted to fall, to not fight anymore. Show Dean just how much he meant to him, how much he was cherished. Maybe the alcohol, together with the painkillers, he had imbibed earlier made the surrender easier. He by no way was drunk, had all his faculties still, but for once to just let go didn't seem like such a bad idea. There was not doubt in his mind what this would mean for them, the trouble it could cause for him down the line, if he allowed this to continue. Cas closed his eyes, in trepidation or anticipation or quite possibly both, taking in short shallow breaths, skin crawling with nervous energy. Any fight he might have had left was well and truly knocked out of him, and he could hear Dean grunt deep in his throat before he closed the last inch. Cas surged up to meet him, as the teenager pressed his warm soft lips gently against his own and he couldn't, wouldn't pull back for anything.
An electric current went through him at the contact and Cas brought his hand up and around Dean's neck pulling him in deeper, despite feeling his bottom lip sting in protest. But it was too chaste, too little. He needed to feel Dean, desired that passion their last kiss had. He pulled and tugged at Dean's arm and shoulder, desperately pulling the teenager down and Dean eagerly followed. They ended up on the bathroom floor, entangled in each other, silent moans escaping both of them as the kiss deepened.
They only broke apart when feeling dizzy from lack of oxygen, staring into each other's eyes as they caught their breath. Dean caressed Cas' cheek, smiling down at this beautiful man, taking in every aspect of his face, so familiar and yet so different at the moment with the bruises. Dean categorized them all and wanted to kiss them all better one by one. Cas' hand was a warm presence against the skin on his lower back, and he arched into the touch as fingers traced patterns that had Dean come out in goosebumps.
Dean could see Cas open his mouth, quite possibly to say something, but he was not ready to have this end, so he dove in again, chasing those pink and swollen lip with his own, swallowing up whatever Cas was about to say.
Dean teased the seam of Cas' lip before pressing in, eagerly meeting his tongue, eliciting a moan from the older man. The kiss turned more aggressive and Cas couldn't help the deep guttural groan that escaped him. Finally! This was what he needed. He kissed back just as aggressively, allowing himself to put all his pent up emotions into the way his tongue eagerly explored Dean's mouth, teeth clashing with the desperate force of it.
Dean whined with arousal, he could feel Cas' hands all over his bare back and it drove him insane. Forgetting about Cas' injury he bit and pulled Cas bottom lip into his mouth, realising too late the taste of blood that accompanied his action. Cas hissed at the sudden pain, and Dean released the lip, tracing the reopened wound with his finger, mumbling an apology.
"Is ok," Cas panted, sounding totally wrecked as he pulled Dean fully on top of him, just holding him, pressing his face into the crook of his neck, stroking the boys' back reverently, allowing himself to enjoy the physical sensation, loving the way Dean responded with little sighs and nibs to his neck. They stayed like that for a long time, so long that his lip had started to crust over again. Dean eventually started to shiver, possibly from cold or tiredness or both and Cas could feel him go heavy in his arms.
"Hey, don't fall asleep on me like this." He chuckled, placing a gentle kiss into the line of Dean's hair.
"Mmph," the teenager mumbled, burying his head deeper into the side of Cas.
"Come on, I think we both could do with some sleep." He nudged Dean who moved off of him, but only under protest. Cas stood up and pulled Dean up along with him. His body was heavy and aching and the prospect of his soft mattress seemed like heaven.
"Let's get some rest." He took Dean by the hand as he turned off the light, leading them out of the bathroom.
Dean looked at him with tired eyes, and Cas realised he needed to clarify.
"My bed, come on. Not gonna leave you alone tonight." God he was so screwed. This literally could ruin his life, but once you fell, it was hard getting back up and despite that, there really was no way that he would leave Dean on his own right now.
Dean smiled for a second, this time it reached his eyes, Cas couldn't help but smile back, before a pensive worry took over the boy's features.
"You not gonna regret this in the morning or- make me leave?" He suddenly sounded so vulnerable, it broke Cas' heart. He wrapped him up in his arms, kissing him gently.
"Possibly but no, I won't." He said truthfully, hoping he was making any sense. "But- we will need to talk- tomorrow. Now is not the time and-" Cas eyes grew wide in panic, even his swollen one. "Oh god, I will need to break up with Alan." That particular truth hit him, hard. Dean's heart flipped excitedly at that, he didn't even really feel bad about being selfish. He probably was just too exhausted to muster such deep emotions at present.
Cas gulped, again he and his messed up ways would affect someone else's life negatively. When would he stop hurting people? He had only ever tried to do what was right. And look where it got him- again. Why did it always have to come to this? What would he even say to him? From where Alan was standing everything was good between them. But he just knew he couldn't carry on his relationship, not when he had, oh god- those kind of feelings for someone else, no matter how complicated the situation was or whether it would ever lead to anything. He was well and truly in too deep.
Dean must have see the panic written all over his face, as he squeezed his hand, and rubbed his thumb over the swollen knuckles, so gently it didn't even hurt. "Hey, we will work it all out tomorrow, remember?" He said softly, placing a peck on Cas' cheek.
Cas smiled gratefully at Dean, nodding in agreement and pulled him along towards his bedroom. They didn't bother removing the rest of their clothes, as they were tired to the bone. They just crawled under the blanket, Dean moulding himself against Cas' side like he belonged there, feeling safe in the man's arms and despite thinking he couldn't, falling asleep within minutes shortly followed by an exhausted Castiel.
#
Cas woke with a start. Head pounding, lip burning and his right hand throbbing. He was only able to open his left eye a tiny bit and it felt tender to the touch. He really needed more painkillers. He looked over at the sleeping form of Dean. He had a feeling he should be freaking out, should chastise himself for, in a way, willingly taking the boy to bed with him. Yet he felt surreally calm as he fondly gazed down at the teenager. Dean looked so peaceful despite his black eye, and Cas just couldn't regret his actions when this was the result. He quietly made his way out of the bed, replacing his body with a pillow that Dean immediately clutched tight. He headed to the bathroom for some more Advil, groaning in pain when he saw the packet empty.
He might have some more in the kitchen, he remembered, so he padded down the stairs, the first light of morning giving the house an eerie greyish glow. He located another pack and took two with some water. He wondered what time it was, surely it must be time to get up soon. Where was his phone? Cas remembered he left it in the living room after he- a train of realisation hit him full on. Oh god, the email. He had completely forgotten about it with everything that happened last night and the timing really couldn't be any worse. There was no way he would be able to deal with his family today. He had other, more urgent matters that needed taking care off. They would just have to get in line.
He made his way into the living room, coming to an abrupt stop in front of the couch, where he could make out the sleeping form of Sammy, curled up on himself, still wearing his jacket and with no blanket. It was almost summer but the house still got cold at night. He must have let himself in during the night, and for a second Cas panicked, wondering if he had gone upstairs and saw him and Dean, but then he relaxed. He would have just seen them share a bed and if anyone would understand that Dean was distressed last night it would be Sammy. But why was he here? Cas had no idea what that could mean with regards to John but he was not yet awake enough to really care.
He quickly went upstairs getting a spare blanket, returning with it and draping it over Sammy. He then located his phone on the coffee table and, leaving Sammy to sleep, moved back into the kitchen, turning his phone on. Ten texts and five voicemails it informed him, and Cas stared at the notices for a long time. Also it was almost 6.30. Time to get up and face the day. He already decided he would call in sick. There was no way he would go to work looking like this. As for Dean, he probably would be better off at home, too. He could call his school as he assumed he was still listed as one of Dean's contacts but Sammy, unless Dean had added Cas' name on his contact list as well, would have to go to school.
God, his head was already hurting and he hadn't even had any coffee yet. He needed to call Bobby as well, see if there was anything the man could do to help Dean and Sam and- Alan! He needed to speak to him, urgently. Cas' head was going a hundred miles an hour, and he buried his face in his hands, letting out a deep long sigh.
He didn't hear Dean come down the stairs. The teenager stopped in the doorway, looking at Cas' huddled form at the table, and felt a pang of affection tugging at his heart, worried what might be going through his head, his stomach cramping at the prospect that Cas might regret last night. That he took those hurtful words his father spewed at him to heart. Dean couldn't stand the thought.
"You know, it's not true- what my dad said."
Cas looked up through his fingers, eyes meeting Dean's.
"You didn't do anything wrong. You sure as hell didn't turn me into this - whatever this is. God I don't even know what I am, but it's not your fault." When all he got was silence in response, he took a few steps closer towards the man, not breaking their eye contact.
"And you know- generally no one can make me do something I don't want." He smiled at Cas and was thankful when Cas finally smiled back at him, small as it might be, it counted. Cas let out another sigh and nodded his head at Dean. His mind was a jumble but it felt good, like a relief to hear Dean say those words. Without a doubt there was plenty he had done wrong, but one thing he was sure of. There was nothing wrong with him, or Dean, for liking people of the same sex, and John could go to hell if he couldn't accept his son for it.
Dean walked up behind Cas, wrapping his arms around the man's shoulders and leaning down, placing a quick kiss on his lips in what was meant to be a comforting gesture.
Cas shied away from the kiss and the boy stared at him, uncertainty and hurt written all over his face.
"Sammy's next door." Cas volunteered like that would explain his hesitance, and to a degree it did. Dean's face went from worried to confused to relieved.
"Thank god, he's safe." He said, pulling up a chair and sitting down next to Cas. The man was currently studying his hands like they held the answers to all the universe's questions. Dean covered them with his own, but otherwise waited patiently for Cas to finish whatever thinking it was that he needed to do.
Cas was having an internal conversation with himself. He knew logically that he should stop this right now but he couldn't face the prospect of pushing Dean away again, hurting him like that after having been a more than willing participant last night. Dean didn't deserve that, just because Cas was too weak to stick to his own rules. And goddamnit, he didn't want to push him away any more. Was tired of pretending that there was nothing more between them. Short of never seeing Dean again, he had a feeling they would always end up here in one form or another. And Cas was not prepared to cut Dean out of his life. God knows Cas had tried to keep his distance and failed, every goddamn time. He didn't know what to do but there had to be a way.
Cas looked up at Dean then, all serious. "I honestly have no idea what I'm doing here, Dean." He suddenly blurted out, removing his hands from under Dean's and working them frantically through his hair. Dean's face fell, and Cas quickly grabbed his hand in reassurance.
"Not like that! I know it should be wrong, we should be wrong- but apparently whatever this is, it is not going away any time soon." He fixed Dean with his blue eyes. "It seems that you got under my skin in a way that you shouldn't and no matter what, I can't get you out of my head. And I can guess that it is the same way for you. I feel things for you that I know is considered wrong but-."
Dean swallowed nervously while listening attentively and squeezing Cas' hand in reassurance and anticipation of where this was heading.
"If- I - if this is what you really want, if you're sure - and I need you to be sure, Dean, I'm- I could wait for you."
Dean's face split into a wide grin, even though doing so hurt, he couldn't help it. His heart was about to jump out of is chest.
"Yes, I'm sure," was all he managed to say. He'd be stupid to not grab hold of anything Cas might offer him. His stomach was coiling itself into knots as he smiled at the man next to him.
"We need to- you know we can't have a proper relationship, at least not before you're 17, 18 if it was for me. But I wouldn't be seeing anyone else, and we can hang out and do stuff, see if we work well together, if you want." Cas couldn't quite believe he was saying this but it was the best his mind could come up with while trying to hold on to at least a shred of accountability and to maybe get a little bit of what they both clearly want. He was pretty sure he could do without the sexual aspects, he had years of practice after all. Now the question was whether Dean could do the same.
"Like close friends?" Dean tried to clarify, face shining with excitement.
"Yeah, I suppose like close friends. And I'm not gonna hold you to it if- like in any relationship, you might change your mind."
"Don't think that is likely to happen." Dean protested. Why would he not want to be with Cas?
"Not saying it will, just putting it out there, you are still so young and you might decide you want different things as you grow up, might want to try to figure out what it is you really like." It hurt Cas to think about Dean like that but he would not stifle the teenager and any self-exploration he still had to do.
"Hey, it's a two-way street." Dean cringed at his platitude. "If you make the commitment so will I! I told you I'm old enough to know what I want and the rest we can make up as we go."
Cas smiled at that. "So we take this as a starting point, is that ok?"
Dean let this scenario sink in for a moment, his heart picking up in pace at the prospect of allowed to spent time with Cas whenever he wanted to, not having to share him with anyone else. He could only see one flaw. "Will I be ok to kiss you, because right now, I really fucking want to!"
Cas looked like he gave this some serious consideration, blue eyes fixed on Dean, as the boy eagerly waited for his answer, looking like he was ready to pounce should the answer be 'yes'. A small part of him knew that even conceding this much would be a step too far, but they already had crossed that line, hadn't they, and he had loved every second of it.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea but, maybe on occasion and in private only, and nothing more until you're 18. I still could get into a lot of trouble should people think were are more than just 'close' friends."
"17." Dean cut in immediately, and Cas huffed in resigned laughter. "Dean, this is no joking matter."
"Sorry, of course." Dean felt stupid for letting his emotions and wants run away with him. He didn't want to screw this up before it had even started. "Just, you know- I'm so happy right now."
Cas smiled at him then and Dean grinned, a new wave of affection for this man washing over him, before leaning in then stopping for a second to gauge Cas' reaction. Cas held his gaze and closed the distance placing a small peck on Dean's lips before moving back, still smiling and squeezing the boys' hand.
"I must have gone batshit crazy." He huffed amused and Dean burst out laughing at Cas' unusual choice of words. This day was already a thousand times better than he could have ever hoped for.
The front door banged shut, followed by a "Hey Cas, I brought breakfast."
"Shit," Cas groaned as he removed his hand from Dean's, his heart rate spiking. Dean jumped up from his place next to him like he suddenly was one fire. Cas looked at the door with trepidation. He knew he had to start somewhere, might as well start with his 'chat' with Alan. Apparently someone had decided it was time for him to face the music.
So, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you hate John Winchester right now? And hopefully I managed to give you some serious DeanCas feels.
Also sorry for the small cliff-hanger, but there was just not way to get it all in one chapter. I'll try to update as fast as possible.