A/N: Apologies for again taking so long to update. My life has been very hectic, including ongoing health stuff, but at least I finally moved and hopefully things will start to calm down now, giving me more time to write amongst other things.
It didn't help that this was one hard chapter to write, especially one of the scenes gave me a headache (I am curious if you will pick up on which scene ;) ) and hope I managed to give it the right flavor. Let me know your thoughts either way.
Hope you enjoy
"Well, that went as well as was to be expected." Gabriel stated sardonically as he unlocked the front door to his house and ushered his brother inside, breaking the silence that had stretched between him and Castiel for the better part of half an hour.
Castiel humphed in the affirmative. The drive back from their family gathering had been quiet and solemn. He had been in no mood to talk after the inquisition, preferred to stew in his misery instead. He thoroughly regretted having caved and agreed to this meeting, in the feeble hope that there would be something, anything, that could be salvaged in his relations with his family. Castiel walked past his brother and straight through to the kitchen, where he slumped down on a chair and buried his head in his hands.
"Ah, well, only one thing to do in times like these." Gabriel patted Castiel on the back before walking over to the cabinet and pulling out two glasses and a bottle of Scotch. Castiel eyed his brother with suspicion.
"Get shitfaced!" the older Novak announced airily as he poured them both a generous helping flopping down in the chair opposite his brother.
"I don't even like Scotch." Castiel grumbled staring at the glass that was put in front of him.
"'S not supposed to taste nice, think of it as medicine."
Castiel snorted but brought the glass up to his lips regardless and took a big swig, grimacing at the taste of the liquid as he swallowed.
They both emptied their glasses with a few gulps and Gabriel was swift in refilling them with more amber liquid.
"To our parents." He huffed sarcastically lifting the glass in a mock salute.
"Our parents" Castiel parroted, clicking his glass with Gabriel's before knocking back its contents in one go.
"Shining examples of unconditional love and care." Castiel scoffed, feeling warmth slowly spreading through his limbs as the alcohol started to take effect.
"Upholders of eternal truths and appearances." Gabriel added as he filled their tumblers yet again, a bitter laugh escaping him. Their family had put them both through their paces and while he hadn't been the main focus for most of it, he felt drained and bitter regardless at the way they had left things. He really did not envy Castiel and his situation. And while Gabriel knew his own life would be considerable easier if he just broke all ties with his brother, he was willing to take the aggravation. Maybe years and years of having had to dance to their family's tune had worn him down. He used to be content to just grin and bear it and do whatever he felt like in his own time but he increasingly got fed up with their bullshit. At least with Castiel, homosexual or not (what the hell did it even matter), he knew where he stood, something Gabriel started to appreciate. He could stop pretending around his baby brother and who was he to not return the favor.
Castiel's phone buzzed. He placed his empty glass in front of him and fished for it in his pocket, checking the caller ID.
"I've got to take this." Castiel excused himself to a questioning gaze from his brother, heading to the living room for some privacy, hardly able to hide the small smile that seemingly out of nowhere tugged at this lips.
"Hey." Castiel was greeted with Dean's young energetic voice.
"Hello Dean." The smile on Castiel's face grew bigger. He had stopped trying to analyze why, without fail, Dean presence (or as of late just his voice) had this uplifting effect on him.
"Can you talk?" Dean sounded nervous and Castiel's stomach fluttered at the evident concern, or maybe it was just the effect of imbibing of too much Scotch way too fast. It didn't really matter, it was nice to feel better.
"Yes."
"Great, I just wanted to hear how today went, you know- make sure you're ok." Dean tried to sound casual but was not sure how well he succeeded. Because truth was that he had been fretting over Cas all day, constantly checking the phone for messages to the point where people around him picked up on it. It was hard to hide while supposedly changing tires in Bobby's garage and he had taken the subsequent ribbings in his stride. Because really they were nothing compared to the worry that had been eating away at him when there was no sign of life until he just couldn't bear it any longer and just rang on the off chance of Cas picking up.
Castiel let out a massive sigh at the stark reminder of reality.
"Cas?"
"Let's just say I am a persona non grata in the Novak household from now on."
"I have no idea what that means but I take it that it's nothing good."
Castiel snorted derisively . "It means that until I decide to see the truth, their truth, and take the appropriate actions, my family will seize all contact with me and I am not welcomed at their homes any longer."
Dean gasped. "What the hell- and they all agreed on this, just like that? Just because you're- How about Gabriel?"
"Well, Gabriel is under- how should I say it - probation might be fitting. He is being 'encouraged' to fall back into the fold. They gave him time to consider his relationship with me, while making it perfectly clear were he should put his allegiance under threat of similar sanctions to mine."
Castiel remembered vividly the past few hours, the hissed conversations and eloquently spoken warnings and outlining of consequences his father and his oldest brother bestowed on him and then by proxy to Gabriel, who had dared raising his voice about 'all this nonsense' in the heat of the moment. The Novak family was not prone to shouting matches, always keeping their voices level and controlled, no matter how heated the underlying arguments were getting. Castiel had given up on being heard after about the first ten minutes when it became apparent that nothing short of denouncing his way of life and enrolling to one of those conversion therapy classes would be acceptable to his family. There just was no leveling with them. He remained silent as the accusations of dishonor and shame and sin and eternal damnation were being spelled out for him. But he could bear those, nothing he hadn't heard before after all. But what really cut deep was the cold glare his mother gave him as he was about to leave. There was not even a hint of sadness or love for him in it, just condemnation and disgust at what, according to her, he had let himself become.
"Wow, I- that is- your family is something else," Dean's angered voice broke through Castiel's thoughts. "Really, you're better off without them." He snapped angrily before realizing what he said. "Sorry that's probably not helping, but-"
"You are merely stating the truth." Castiel acknowledged with a tinge of sadness and resignation. "It is unfortunate but it is what it is. At least it is over now, and in a way I am relieved, the uncertainty and the allusion of hope was not an easy state to exist in."
Dean understood painfully well what Castiel meant. Living with hope of change, of a better future, only to have that hope squashed again and again was soul crushing. An answer, even a hurtful one was the preferred option, at least to Dean. Still to lose virtually one's whole family in one go was a hard blow and Dean could hear the tension in Cas' voice. He wanted nothing more than to fix this somehow, or at least find a way to show his friend that he was being cherished, if not by his own family, by the people around him, the ones who accepted him for who he was. But he was stuck here in the middle of nowhere for at least another month and it sucked.
"Cas I'm- damn, I wish there was something I could do." Dean huffed in frustration.
"You are." Castiel was quick to reply, his mouth curling up into a small barely there wistful smirk. How could Dean not realize what effect he had on him?
"You are doing something, don't dare think otherwise." He clarified, stomach doing a little flip. "You are- you're making me feel things - feel better- about everything." he confessed not very eloquently. Castiel could feel words and emotions on the tip of his tongue he knew he shouldn't necessarily admit like this, over the phone, or quite possibly at all, but the Scotch had loosened his tongue somewhat, making his head fuzzy.
"You always manage to put a smile on my face, no matter what a shitty day I might have had. You-" Cas gulped, suddenly feeling rather bashful.
"What?" Dean asked inquisitively, breathless, feeling his heart rate pick up speed at all the prospective ways Cas might have wanted to end that sentence, and wishing again, like he had every damn day over these last weeks that he was closer, that he could be there face to face with the man, gazing into his mesmerizing blue eyes.
"'S nothing-" Castiel finally settled for, smiling to himself at the myriad of thoughts and half formed notions that were racing through his slightly foggy head and the warm feeling they evoked in his chest. "Just, I really wish you were here, I kind of miss you- a lot."
"I miss you too." Dean replied with a happy chuckle, while at the same time feeling his stomach flutter. God, did he miss Cas! And hearing that the feeling was mutual almost made him want to hot wire a car from Bobby's yard and drive all the way to Oklahoma. But he had learned his lesson about being thoughtless the hard way. No way was he getting himself into trouble like that again, no matter how badly he wanted to.
"Oh god, Dean, it really has been too damn long." Castiel's face split into a grin at the way Dean chortled at his choice of words. The use of such language still was more the exception than the rule for him, but he had started to appreciate its simplicity and ability to effectively convey meaning. Just another area where he failed his parents who had a distinct dislike for vulgar language. "Once you are back we have to-" Castiel was cut short in his reply by a knock on the doorframe and he turned to see Gabriel at the door to the living room with a takeout menu in his hand. Castiel looked at him wide eyed, praying silently that his brother had not been privy to his conversation but the way he looked at him with a calculating glare left him little hope for that.
"Sorry, Gabriel wants me," He said rather abruptly.
"Oh, he's- yeah that's fine. We talk later, alright." Dean did not want to end their conversation just yet but it was obvious at Cas' sudden change in tone that he wanted to cut this short now that his brother was in the room.
"Yes we can do that. Goodbye."
"Bye Cas."
Castiel ended the call and squared his shoulders as his eyes met his brother's.
"Sorry, I was getting hungry and just wanted to ask whether you wanted to get some Chinese." Gabriel said by way of apology for his apparent eavesdropping, waving the menu in the air as if to prove the validity of his statement, while his eyes still rested on his youngest brother, uncomfortably so.
"What?" Castiel snapped too readily, hackles rising, his nerves having worn thin after the events of the day, and only amplified by the sudden worry about how much his brother might have overheard.
Gabriel shook his head dejectedly, taking in the guilty expression on his brother's face. "Castiel, what have you gotten yourself into?"
"Nothing I can't handle." He was quick to bark back.
His brother gave him a long suffering glance. "Are you quite sure about that? Because from over here it sounded like-"
"Yes, I am! And whatever it might have sounded like, it is not, ok." Castiel replied defensively, flinching at the tone of his own voice. He really didn't want to lose his last family member but there was no way he would tell Gabriel the truth. There was just too much to explain. He would not understand the complicated dynamics between him and Dean. Furthermore, Castiel loathed the thought of proving his brother right; about Dean, about him and all those warnings and accusations Gabriel had jokingly or otherwise taunted him with over the years.
His stomach felt like he had just swallowed a ten ton brick. He had little doubt that in his brother's eyes he would be no more than a pervert, a child molester and maybe that was all that he was. It didn't matter that Dean had recently turned sixteen and was slowly turning into an adult. Castiel could fool himself when it was just the two of them. Could pretend that this was ok and that they indeed shared a special connection, that Dean was more than able to make his own decisions. But right here, right now he was painfully reminded of his very real and warranted fear of judgment, of being thought of as nothing more than a depraved gay man with a weird kink for underage boys. He suddenly felt like two years of hard work at self-acceptance and discovery had been erased just in this one moment here between him and Gabriel.
"Just, talk to me, man." Gabriel implored after remaining silent for too long, almost crushing Castiel under the weight of his stare. Castiel shook his head, not being quite able to meet his brother's eyes, something that didn't go unnoticed by Gabriel who sighed in resignation.
"I'm here if you need to talk or- need help, no judgment." he offered sounding too solemn for his usual jovial nature as he, sat down next to Castiel on the couch. "And- I know things are never as straightforward as they appear, but not everybody will agree with me on that front, and - you are supposed to be a responsible adult. No matter how much you might want something- even if it's being offered to you. You might just have to say 'no'."
Castiel swallowed hard, his throat feeling like sandpaper, assuming his brother implied that he, if not outright knew, at least had an inkling about what was going on.
"I can't-" Castiel didn't even know which part of his brother's requests he was replying to, maybe all of them. He definitely couldn't talk about this with him. Moreover, he didn't want Gabriel to have to make a choice of either aiding in a criminal offence by remaining silent, because in the cold light of day that was what this could be construed as, or reporting him to the police, as any sensible adult should do.
"Ok, maybe today's not a good day for more emotional baggage, but the offer stands and please- be careful." Gabriel placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "If I didn't know you so well and trust that you really couldn't hurt a fly on purpose, I'd-" The older Novak didn't finish that sentence but Castiel heard its meaning loud and clear.
"How about that Scotch? Wasn't the plan to get drunk?" Castiel deflected. He knew his brother would smell his attempt at changing the subject ten miles against the wind but fortunately he let it rest.
"Now, we're talking" Gabriel slapped him on the back. "And how about some food to go with that. Let's just have fun tonight. All of life's crap will still be waiting for us tomorrow."
Castiel didn't quite feel like eating but he nodded regardless. He had learned the hard way that trying to get drunk on an empty stomach was generally not a good idea.
#
"You finally managed to get hold of whoever it was that you were pining over all day?"
"I was not pining." Dean stated indignantly.
"Well, you could have fooled me, son." Jody smiled at him. "Anyone special?"
"No," Dean was quick to reply even as he could feel his face heat up. Bobby's wife gave him a knowing smirk that had his face go red even more.
"Well, I'm sure whoever it was must be worth it." She said with a wink. "And as far as I'm concerned, anyone who manages to put a smile like that on your face is good in my books."
Dean rolled his eyes but thought it pretty pointless trying to uphold his protest, being as he was unable to hide the grin and the accompanying red cheeks. He just prayed that Jody wouldn't press him for any more information. Maybe he would need to create a convincing cover story about some girl or, if he was brave enough, guy, to have at the ready whenever anyone asked stupid questions. Luckily for him, on this occasion his prayer was being answered when she, with a smile, changed the subject.
"Now that we might have your undivided attention again, I think Sam has been patient long enough."
Oh right, he had almost forgotten about having promised his brother to take him to the summer fair this evening. Sammy had been pestering him about it for days, while insisting it had nothing whatsoever to do with the prospect of running into Sarah, the girl he had befriended over their stay at Bobby's. Dean was pretty certain that this little brother had a massive crush on her and enjoyed pulling his leg over it. His Sammy was growing up.
"Yeah, sure. Can I take the truck?" Dean perked up. He loved driving. Bobby had helped him get his license over the summer and since then he took every possible opportunity to get behind a wheel. He still hoped that one day he would be able to drive the Impala, if he ever managed to get back into his dad's good graces that was, but for now he settled for anything with four wheels that gave him the illusion of independence and freedom.
"Of course you can. Let me grab the keys, oh and be back here by 10."
"Will do." Dean bounced out of the kitchen and went in search of his little brother, who he found out front helping Bobby in the yard.
The fair was the usual small town event, plenty of food stalls, rides and games that try to con you out of your money. If it hadn't been for Sammy's excitement, Dean would have gotten bored ages ago. No, bored was not quite the right word, more like he felt slightly out of place and more than a little lonely, as he watched cavity inducing couples sharing in PDA all over the place. He noticed girls occasionally making eyes at him and on instinct smiled back, giving them one of his lopsided grins. Once or twice a girl was actually brave enough to approach him to the squeals of her friends but Dean was swift to move on, suddenly uncomfortable and not wanting to give out the wrong vibes. He was not above using having to chaperone his little brother as an excuse but apparently that only made him even more attractive to them. So in the end he just stopped looking at anyone.
Sammy currently was sharing a ride on the Ferris wheel with his 'not'-crush, who they finally had bumped into about fifteen minute ago. Dean toyed with his cell in his hand as he watched the wheel go round, its turning lights hypnotizing him as he allowed his mind to drift. He was itching to call Cas, just to hear his voice. He felt the man's absence almost like a physical ache despite being surrounded by a multitude of people, or maybe because of it. Yet he hesitated, not wanting to interrupt unnecessarily or seem needy, having called him not two hours ago. He was still confused at times by these strong emotions, having not experienced anything like it, apart from caring for his little brother but even that was different. Sammy was family and he would do anything for him but Cas was- God he didn't' even know, just that he wanted to be around the man, as much as possible and that it had been too long since he last saw him.
Unsure of telephone etiquette and boundaries, and annoyed at himself for spending at least five minutes debating this in his head, Dean decided on a compromise, took a snapshot of the fair with the crappy camera on his cell and sending it to Cas with a 'Wish you were here'.
His mood brightened considerably, uncertainty instantly evaporated, when not two minutes later Cas replied with a 'Me too' and he was just grateful that Sammy was too busy making googly eyes at Sarah to notice the ensuing texting frenzy between him and Cas. Dean gave Cas the low-down on all the rides, with running commentary on their lameness or lack thereof, underlining his point with photographic proof. Castiel replied with an image of a sleeping Gabriel, slouched over the edge of the couch, drool on his chin and a 'What lameness factor would you assign to this?'
Dean had to concede that the fair was infinitely better than babysitting a clearly drunk and passed-out brother, although he chanced a guess that Cas was most likely inebriated as well, judging by the general lack of grammatical accuracy in most his texts. By the end of the evening, when it was time to take Sammy back to Bobby and Jody's, it almost felt like Cas had been there with him and surviving these next few weeks suddenly didn't seem like quite such a challenge any longer while simultaneously driving him insane.
#
"Coming," Castiel mumbled under his breath, pulling the dressing gown over his shoulders as he headed down the stairs. He surely didn't expect anybody at 8.30 on a Sunday morning and if it hadn't been for the clear ringing of the doorbell, which he had finally gotten around to installing and now kind of wished he hadn't, he would have probably missed anyone knocking.
"This better be urgent," he grumbled, trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes as he unlocked the front door, only to be startled awake immediately as he laid eyes on the person standing on the other side.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't want to wake you, I can come back later." John Winchester mumbled as he took in the other man's appearance at the same time as an "What do you want?" escaped Castiel. He crossed his arms defensively over his chest, adrenaline starting to pump through his body, not sure whether he needed to prepare himself for a fight. Had it already been six weeks since the brothers' father had left for the clinic?
Castiel stared at the man for a long moment, assessing him. He looked healthier than he had the last time he had set eyes on him. He was met with a nervous gaze from the man, something he had not prior associated with John Winchester. Castiel shuffled in the doorway, not really sure how to proceed, then settling on it being better to just get whatever drove the man to his door out in the open and get it over with.
"No, I'm awake now. Anything I can help you with?"
"I- erm." John wringed his hands in front of him. "I just wanted to- would it be possible to go inside for a moment?"
"I am not sure that might be such a good idea." Castiel's defenses went up a notch.
John held his hands up. "Look, I'm not here to cause trouble, but of course I understand that you might not believe me- after our last encounter. Just,- as you know I was in a bad place - have been for some time really." John rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I want to - some of the stuff they make us talk about at the clinic- erm, they encourage us to go back to the people we might have hurt or upset when we were drunk. Part of the healing process or something, and -" John stammered, clearly uncomfortable but carrying on regardless. "I guess you are due an apology for, you know-"
Castiel swallowed, too gobsmacked to reply. He had expected a lot of things, internally had prepared already for a shouting match of some form or another, but this was a surprise.
"Ok, well-" Castiel contemplated for a second whether letting John Winchester into his house was a good idea but maybe it was his upbringing or the remnants of his faith showing; if someone wanted to right some wrongs, who was he to decline such a request.
He opened the door fully and waved John inside, making the man follow him into the kitchen.
"Would you care for some coffee?" He asked, remembering his manners.
"Yes, thank you." John replied as he took a seat at the dining table.
Uncomfortable silence stretched between them as Castiel prepared the coffee. He placed a mug in front of John and sat down on the opposite side of the table, waiting for the man to talk.
"Look, I know this is uncomfortable for you, and I appreciate you giving me your time. I'm just gonna say my piece and then will leave you alone."
Castiel nodded, clinging to the mug too hard as he tried to stay calm and not panic.
"I- um. That night, I'm sorry for getting carried away like that. For hitting you for no real reason, for um- the stuff I said." John gulped, clearly fishing for what to say.
Cas nodded in silent acceptance.
"I just, I know it's not an excuse but I was in a real bad place and did a lot of things I shouldn't have done, and I guess I have to thank you for not - you know reporting me. I know you had every right to get me into trouble."
"You can thank Dean for that." Castiel replied tersely.
John briefly glanced up, looking slightly stunned before examining his mug again. "I think I've finally gotten myself back on track and it's all gonna change from now on." He sipped on his coffee. "I got a new job lined up thanks to the clinic, a nine to five job. It will give me time to take care of the boys."
Castiel felt himself tense. He was not sure if he trusted John Winchester with his children, in particular with Dean, after how he had reacted to his son's sexuality.
"What about Dean?" He couldn't help but ask, knowing full well he might be stirring up a hornet's nest.
"What about him?" John deflected brusquely, starting to fidget.
"You know what I mean." Castiel stated, trying to bite back his quickly rising temper.
"I, erm." John rubbed the back of his neck. "I know I overreacted." He muttered into his mug. "Should have not done that. But- I just don't get it." He added after a moment. "You were married, right? Dean used to go out with girls, and what? Suddenly everybody is turning- you know. That can't be right. It's all this modern nonsense."
Castiel felt like he was vibrating out of his body and took in a deep breath.
"No offence!" John was quick to add defensively, picking up on the sudden shift in atmosphere. "But- my son likes girls. It's just a silly phase, right? This experimenting people do these days or whatever. Once he finds a nice girl, things will go back to normal."
Castiel started to seethe now. This was hitting too close to home for a multitude of reasons. He only recently heard arguments along similar lines. He cleared his throat.
"I could lecture you on the complexity of human sexuality but you made it quite clear that I'm the last person you want to talk to about this." Castiel said while he debated the pros and cons of just giving John a piece of his mind. In the end he thought better than to get into a discussion (or argument) about sexual orientation and the varieties thereof with John Winchester at his kitchen table. Instead he got up and went to his 'random stuff' drawer, sifting through it until he found the flyer for the support group he used to go to.
"If you really want to understand your son, it might be worth going to one of these. They have a group for parents of LGBT youth." Castiel sat down again at the table as John studied the flyer with much trepidation before eventually stuffing it into his jacket pocket.
Castiel doubted the man would actually go, but he was pretty sure he was even less likely to take advice from him on this matter. Maybe the best to hope for, for now, was that he at least would let Dean be. They both finished their coffee in silence, which settled uncomfortably between them.
After another few minutes, John got up. "I better be going. Thank you for your time and again, I apologize for my past behavior and hope we can put this behind us now."
"I hope so, too." Castiel replied curtly. "Let me walk you to the door." John Winchester offered his hand which Castiel took, giving it a firm shake. He didn't hold out much hope for a sudden friendship with John but he would try to at least be cordial to the man for the sake of Dean and Sam, and it would help keep an eye on him to make sure he would not endanger either of them again. One thing he definitely tried very hard not to think about was any possible repercussions should John ever find out about him an Dean.
#
"Dean, Sam. Your father is here." Bobby's announcement had Dean go tense. He had known for a few days that their dad would come and pick them up to take them back home, but he was not quite ready to face him yet, as his stomach reminded him, painfully so. He didn't know what to expect, despite both Bobby and Jody's reassurances that their dad was doing well and that he had been sober for the last eight weeks. Seeing his father clouded his overall excitement at the prospect of reuniting with Cas soon.
John seemed to feel just as uneasy as Dean, standing in the doorway and shuffling his feet. He pulled Sammy into a quick one-armed hug before extending his hand to Dean with a "good to see you, son," to which Dean replied with a well practiced "You too, sir." as he shook it. And that was it, their anticlimactic reunion. Their dad looked better than he had in a long time, Dean had to admit. Still, he didn't allow himself to relax, because they had been here before and this time he would not let his guard down, would not let himself hope to finally get his dad back. For now it was what it was and he would play his part, and when shit hit the fan yet again, he would deal with it.
Bobby spent a good half hour talking to John in the privacy of the kitchen and then just like that, they were on the road back to Chicago. Bobby and Jody promised to check in on them once a month for the near future (more likely to keep an eye on John Dean guessed). Dean especially was urged to contact them immediately with any issues while their dad was finding his feet and was encouraged to give it time.
Dean's woes were temporarily forgotten when his father let him take a turn at the wheel. It was his dream come true. He couldn't keep the grin off his face as the Impala sped along the open road. He saw Sammy smile and stick his head out the window through the rear-view mirror and just for a while Dean could pretend that life was good. He was driving his baby and he was heading home towards Cas.
It was dark when John finally pulled the Impala up in front of their house. Sammy had dozed off in the back and Dean went to get their bags out the boot while John shook his youngest son awake. It was weird going back in there, seeing his room, where it all happened. Cas had informed him that John had come for their beds after his return from the clinic. News Dean hadn't received well and which he, to his great shame, had taken out on Cas at the time, like the man somehow could have done something about it. He had no idea what he expected but he had let himself hope, daydream about coming back and continuing with life as it had been, him and Sammy at Castiel's place, being some weird kind of family unit. That dream got shattered in that moment and since then Dean had worked hard creating new dreams around the reality he found himself in. Spending time with Cas being top of that list.
With that thought he dumped the duffel bags on his bed and bounded down the stairs.
"Where you're going?" Sammy asked sleepily just walking in through the front door.
"Just saying hi to Cas."
"Son, I am sure that can wait for another day. It's gotten late and I don't think-" His dad was quick to intervene.
"He said we should come and say hello, even if it's late." With that Dean was out the door and across the street before anyone could say any more on the subject. His heart was hammering so hard in his chest he thought he might faint. He smiled at the sight of the big white button next to the front door, the bell Cas had finally managed to install. Dean could still recall the smug tone in Cas' voice as he told him about his achievement.
He pressed it and waited, nervously brushing non existing creases out of his shirt, shifting from foot to foot.
A moment later the door opened and the sight of Cas, his blue eyes, his dark messy hair, scruff that framed those perfect lips that split into a genuine smile as their eyes met, had Dean's stomach tying itself in knots.
"Hey- I'm back." Dean stammered, words failing him.
"I can see that." Cas sounded just as flustered as Dean. They stayed like that, smiling at each other, eyes locked.
"You- It's good to have you back." Castiel eventually uttered, becoming aware he had been staring and feeling the need to say something. He half lifted his hands like he wanted to hug the boy in front of him, then lowered them again, hesitating. God he had missed Dean and now that he was here Castiel felt jittery with excitement but uncertain how to proceed. He knew what he wanted to do, felt an overwhelming urge to just pull Dean in and kiss him senseless, but that was so far off the scale of parameters he had put in place, that he froze.
"I- um."
"You gonna let me in? I kind of want to hug you real bad!" Dean teased with a smirk, finally having found his voice. He gently pushed against Cas and the man let himself be moved from the door and back towards the wall, feeling his breath go ragged at Dean's touch.
Dean hooked the front door with his foot, pulling it before giving it a push, eyes never leaving Cas', pressing up against the man and engulfing him with his arms, finally!
Castiel sighed happily, only now allowing his own arms to move up and wrap around the teenager, pulling him in.
"God, I missed you." He mumbled as he buried his face in Dean's neck, surprised by the painful honesty in those words. He really had missed Dean, more than he had realized until this very moment. Dean hummed in agreement, one of his hands reaching up to the back of Cas' neck, playing with the strands of hair while his other hand gripped his shirt, bunching up the fabric in his fist, whispering a "ditto" against the shell of Castiel's ear. The man felt a shiver run through his body at the ghost of Dean's breath against his skin.
Castiel held Dean close for a long while, eventually bringing around one of his hands, gently cupping Dean's jaw and lifting it up so he could look into those beautiful green eyes. He let his thumb brush along the teenager's cheek and smiled when Dean unashamedly leaned into the touch. He marveled at the feel of fluffy scruff against his fingers, letting them run over it again and again.
Dean felt Goosebumps rising all over his skin at the gentle touch, feeling too hot and too cold. God, he wanted to kiss Cas so badly. Just one kiss. His eyes never left Cas' as he closed the last bit of distance between them, briefly brushing his lips against the man's before doing it again, placing a string of short pecks on Castiel's lips. His hand on Cas' neck worked its way up and he buried his fingers in his dark hair, pulling on it gently and finally letting his eyes flutter closed as he leaned in again.
An undignified moan escaped Castiel. His head was swimming and his pulse was racing. He was acting purely on impulse and want. There was no fooling himself any longer, he desired Dean and he was too caught up right now to think straight. He gripped Dean's jaw harder, moving his head slightly to be able to deepen the kiss, licking eagerly against the boy's bottom lip and trembling when Dean opened up willingly and their tongues met.
Dean could feel himself burn up. He was light-headed. All his blood seemed to have rushed south, leaving him without rational thought. They continued to kiss, hot and messy, Dean pressing Cas against the wall and Cas letting him do so, letting Dean take control, own him. Castiel himself was unable to think beyond the constant pounding of 'more, more' in his head.
Dean shuddered and whimpered into Cas' mouth, biting and licking the man's bottom lip. He had imagined this so many times over these last few months, not letting himself hope anything like this would happen but now that it was, he greedily wanted to take all he could. He pushed himself flush against Cas, grunting needily as his erection brushed against Cas' thigh.
The man trembled at the feel of Dean's arousal, he was painfully hard by now, too. warning lights were going off in his head, warring with the desire for Dean, but it felt too good to stop. He would put a stop to it soon, he just wanted to allow himself a few more seconds of this.
"Cas," Dean whined, bunching up the man's shirt, exposing part of his stomach, pressing his hips closer against Cas' thigh, trying to work a leg between Cas' own.
"What the hell?"
Sammy's high pitched voice rang through the room from where he stood frozen at the front door. Dean and Castiel jumped apart like they had been burned, panting hard, staring at the boy in utter disbelief as they tried to catch their breath.
"Oh god." Castiel groaned, sounding panicked, not believing that this was actually happening.
"Shit." Dean cursed. The door must have not closed properly when he kicked it shut earlier. His pleading and panicked eyes met his brother's but before he got a chance to say anything more, Sammy turned on his heels and raced out the door.
Castiel felt the world spinning, tilting on its axis. This was not happening. He could feel his stomach constrict, as bile tried to work its way up his esophagus. "No, no, no!" He repeated as he pulled frantically at his hair, his heart pounding frantically.
Dean, who had been paralyzed from shock for a second, jumped into action at his brother's retreating form. "Damn! Sammy- wait!" he shouted, running after him.
Oh look, it's a cliffhanger! Only slightly sorry as this chapter was getting rather long and this seemed like a good place to stop (and hopefully leave you wanting more). Well, something like this was bound to happen sooner or later.