A/N: I'm happy I managed to get this finished so fast. I tried to the best of my abilities to comb through it, but I am really tired, so if you see anything glaringly obvious please let me know, as this chapter has only been beta'ed for content not for grammar!
"Hey, this is where you are hiding."
"Amelia-" Castiel looked up sheepishly from where he stood leaning against the kitchen cabinets, 'Busted'. "I- urm, just wanted to get some water." He offered as a feeble explanation as to why he was skulking in the kitchen whilst there was a party going on in the living-room.
"Still feeling awkward around too many people?" She smiled softly at him while pointedly looking at content of the glass he was holding, which was decidedly not water.
"You know me- I have my moments." Castiel shrugged his shoulders and took swig of the yellow liquid in his glass.
"Easy there, how much of the eggnog did you have?"
"A glass or three." Castiel chuckled.
"You know it's my mother's deadly recipe with the extra kick, right?"
"Thought I tasted something funny." He teased smiling at the woman. That didn't deter him though from devouring what was left in his glass, already being eager for more. He loved Amelia's homemade eggnog and was planning on getting his fill tonight, he could always sleep it off tomorrow.
She came and stood next to him, mirroring his stance as she rested her elbows on the kitchen top, leaning back.
"Soooo?" Her voice changed to a lilting tease, eyes resting on Castiel's face.
"Sooooo- what?" He imitated, knowing that tone of voice only too well. They had been married after all.
"Greg?" She simply stated raising an eyebrow.
"What about him?"
"He seems nice."
"He is very interesting to talk to."
"You know he works in our Accounts department, but he's thinking about retraining as a teacher."
"You are telling me this why?" Now it was Castiel's turn to raise an eyebrow at the way Amelia was slyly grinning at him and rolling her eyes like he was somehow slow, or missing the point here. And quite possibly he was. Castiel definitely didn't pride himself in understanding in detail the intrinsic workings of social interactions, especially not at these kinds of informal gatherings.
"Just saying, he's a history nerd, just like you and - he's not exactly hard on the eyes." She nudged his shoulder.
"Oh god," It finally clicked. "You are trying to set me up!" Castiel blurted out, face twisted in a mix of horror and embarrassment. Suddenly Amelia's behavior this evening made a lot more sense. The way she had so enthusiastically introduced them and made sure their paths kept crossing.
"Well-" She grinned. "Is it working?"
"I- erm. Amelia, I'm really not-" He flailed his arms.
She smiled sympathetically at the awkward gesture, before fixing the man with a serious look. "Castiel, it's been almost a year since your break-up with Alan. I know it can't have been easy but- Don't you think it's time to move on?"
Castiel gulped. "I- I really do not need a relationship right now." He stuttered, clinging to his glass.
"Maybe not need- but Cassie, I worry about you. You basically lost your whole family not too long ago and- I just don't want you to be lonely." She admitted after a moment.
"Oh Millie" Castiel smiled fondly at his former wife, now best friend. "Really, I'm doing fine. Plus, I have you." He underlined that statement with a gentle nudge and a gummy smile, while cringing on the inside. If only he could share with her. He hated the fact that he had to keep a big part of his current life secret. That he had to deflect and feed her half truths. Of course she would worry about him, with everything that had been happening in his life lately and no apparent partner to support him through it. Then again if she knew, she might worry even more, or worse, judge and abandon him, although a small part of Castiel hoped that she at least would try and understand before passing judgment. She just was that kind of person and if it hadn't been for her, Castiel would not be where he was today. But he was not going to put that theory to the test any time soon.
"I'm glad to hear. But- just, maybe give Greg a chance? Not saying it has to lead to happily ever after. Just, he is a really great guy, you know."
"Yes, he seems pleasant, just- I am really not looking right now."
"Okay," Amelia conceded, "I let it rest, but only if you come out of here and join the party. Come on, enough hibernating." She grinned and before he could protest, dragged him out of the kitchen and into the living room, where her combined Christmas and Birthday party was in full swing.
Two hours later and Castiel for sure felt the effect of the spiked eggnog. He might have slightly overestimated his ability to imbibe alcoholic beverages, not having had any since that unfortunate evening at Gabriel's, after which he had sworn he would never drink again. Greg, unfortunately, seemed to have taken a real liking to him and Castiel had to literal pry himself away from flirty conversations and gentle, searching touches. He had every intention of letting the guy down easy but subtlety had never been his forte and he kind of accidentally offended the guy.
This time, to his own consternation, he took to hiding in the en-suite in an attempt at avoiding any additional awkwardness. He knew Amelia meant well and he wished he could have just told Greg that he was not available but he could not for fear of the 'news' getting around and maybe he should have just stayed at home. But that aside, he definitely felt like it was time to go home. He fumbled for his cell in his trouser pocket and dialed Dean.
"Hey, how's things at Amelia's?" Dean chuckled through the line.
"Oh god, Dean. Please come and get me." Cas whined.
"Party that boring?" Dean laughed. He knew Cas wasn't exactly a party person but he thought he could last one evening.
"Well, boring might be the wrong word. A challenge might be more fitting. Amelia tried to set me up with this guy and-"
"What?" Dean butted in, a fiery feeling taking a hold in the pit of his stomach.
"I know, right!" Cas huffed. "And he's kind of nice and all and I don't want to be an ass but I'm just doing this obstacle course of avoidance and- ugh I need more drink."
"Easy there tiger. I can come and get you if that's want you want." Dean offered, for totally unselfish reasons- of course. But honestly, he didn't want to image some dude trying his moves on 'his man' and rather get him out of there. As much as he trusted Cas, he sounded a bit worse for wear and sometimes people did stupid shit without wanting to and as he and Cas weren't doing that kind of stuff exactly, maybe Cas' body would override and just-. Dean took a steadying breath, his thoughts were getting ahead of him.
"You'd come and safe me?" Cas chortled. "I was mainly joking though. I could always get a taxi, I suppose-"
"Save yourself the money. Just give me half an hour, you think you can last that long?"
"My hero." Cas teased, tongue loosened by the generous amount of the yellow liquid he had consumed.
True to his word, it took Dean just over thirty minutes to make his way across town to where Amelia and her new man had bought a nice two bedroom apartment. When she opened the door and saw Dean standing there, a bright smile spread across her face and she engulfed him in one of her big hugs, despite Dean towering above her these days.
"Good to see you Dean. Hey, you gotta stop growing!" She said, reaching up and pinching his cheek, giggling. Clearly she might have had one or two too many glasses of whatever it was they were serving at this party as well.
"Not until I'm taller than Cas, just to spite him." Dean grinned back. He hadn't seen Amelia since Sammy's twelfth birthday party. It was weird how, despite not seeing as much of her as they used to, she definitely still was a firm part in their lives, especially Sammy's, as he knew those two were regularly doing this thing called Skype. There were good people in the world and by some miracle two of those had been placed right outside their front door four years ago.
"So, you're here for Cassie?"
"Yeah, I got a distress call and he didn't really sound in any condition to be driving."
Amelia snorted not very lady-like. "That sounds like him. Well, he always did like my eggnog. Let me get him for you, I'm sure he's currently hiding in the spare bedroom."
Dean let out a laughter that was mildly tinted with relief. If Cas was not part of the party, then this dude was not currently sweet-talking him.
Amelia made her way through the crowded living-room where people were dancing to some cheesy Christmas music.
"Your steed has arrived." She chortled when she found Castiel sitting on the edge of the bed, a blush creeping over his cheeks as he was found red handed cleaning out his glass, with tongue and fingers.
"Great, I just- grab my coat then," Castiel stuttered and got up, stumbling slightly, catching himself just in time. He rummaged through the array of coats on the bed until he found his and wrestled himself into it. "Thanks Amelia, I had a great time-"
"Castiel, you don't need to lie. I'm just glad you showed, you know."
"No, I really did. Ok- grabby hands aside-" He chuckled, working his hands through his hair.
"Sorry for that."
"Don't worry. No harm done." He flung his arm around her shoulder and they walked arm in am to the door where Castiel pulled her into a long hug.
"Love you Millie."
"Same." She smiled before shoving him out the door, with a wave to Dean. "Just get him home in one piece."
"Will, do, bye Amelia."
"Bye honey." She ruffled Dean's hair before closing the door on the them, leaving Dean to struggle with a very malleable Castiel, who plastered himself to his side.
"Ok, let's go, big boy." Dean grabbed Cas around the waist, not sure whether the man actually needed the extra support but wanting to be on the safe side. Cas, being uncharacteristically affectionate, rested his head on Dean's shoulder as he brought up his own arm and wrapped it around the teenager's waist, a low chuckle escaping him. It was almost like they were just a normal couple, walking arm in arm to the car and Dean never wanted to let go while equally feeling a pang of bitterness taking hold. Because of stupid rules and shit, they could not have this every day. Something so simple and innocent, yet affectionate.
He maneuvered Castiel into the passenger seat of the Impala, getting in on the driver side and started her up.
Castiel groaned and rested his head against the window, eyes closed.
"So... interesting night?" Dean cocked an eyebrow curiously as he briefly glanced over at Cas' huddled form.
"Amelia's lethal eggnog more like."
"You telling me you got drunk on eggnog?" Dean had trouble keeping a straight face.
"Do not judge until you tried it for yourself." Castiel grumbled. Maybe he should have not had that last glass, but it was easily his favorite drink.
"And otherwise?" Dean probed gently, the one question burning on his tongue but he did not want to seem like some stupid jealous idiot.
"Great food, too many people and Amelia playing cupid, that pretty much covers it."
"How was he?" Dean tried for light curiosity but there was a bite to his voice. It must have been so obvious that even a slightly inebriated Cas picked up on it.
"He was interesting to talk to for a while, but Dean- he's got nothing on you." Castiel turned and smiled at the teenager, shuffling slightly closer on the seat and resting his head on Dean's shoulder. The grin that spread over Dean's face was so big, he was worried for a second that it might split his face in half and no matter how hard the tried, he couldn't stop.
"Good," Dean mumbled, the slight feeling of dread replaced by jittery butterflies. He lifted his arm so the man's head could rest properly on his shoulder, placing it over the backseat. Castiel left his head there the rest of the way, eyes closed and humming along to the music as they rode home in companionable silence.
Dean parked the Impala outside his house and walked Cas over to his own place, sneakily hoping that maybe he could steal a kiss before saying goodnight. Cas seemed to have sobered up during the drive, Dean thought. Well he appeared to have anyway, until he tried to unlock his front door, unsuccessfully, three times, that was.
"Gimme that." Dean grabbed the keys out of the man's hand and made quick work of the door, shoving Cas through and into the house before closing it behind them.
And then in the dark hallway, as they ended up standing no more than an arms length apart, it was suddenly all too quiet. Castiel stared at Dean like he just saw him for the first time and Dean's heart skipped a beat as he held the man's gaze, licking his lips nervously. Cas kept on staring through taking off his coat, like he was in deep thought even as his eyes raked over the teenager and Dean felt himself grow hot under the scrutiny.
"What?" He huffed, needing to say something to break the sudden tension before he would explode or do something very, very stupid.
"God, Dean," Cas grunted, working his hands furiously through his hair, messing it up even more than it already was.
"What?" Dean asked again, this time more a breathless whisper, his heart racing.
Castiel stared for a while longer, before shaking his head and turning away from the boy, the rise and fall of his shoulders indicating that he was trying to compose himself.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Dean was confused by the atypical behavior of his friend, even if he'd allowed for the fact that he was slightly drunk and his confusion was swiftly changing to worry. Cas grumbled something inaudible before walking off to the living room where he sat down on the couch, putting his head in his hands. Dean followed without delay. He felt his chest tighten as he took a seat next to the man, turning to face him. Cas very deliberately focused his gaze on his clasped hands in his lap.
Dean sighed. "Please, what's wrong?" He implored, placing his hand on Cas' cheek moving his face so he had no choice but to face him.
Castiel could feel his throat go dry. Dean's touch seared his skin. He got so lost in his own head, fighting a losing battle. The sight and touch of Dean violently pulled him out of his daze. "God Dean, you have no idea, do you?" He whimpered, sounding like he was in pain.
"About what?" Dean now had a slight panicked edge to his voice.
Finally Cas' blue eyes met Dean's. A small bitter laugh escaped him. "You-" he sighed. A small voice in his head tried to raise some protest; he valiantly ignored it. "You have no idea what you are doing to me." Cas' eyes bored into Dean's now and the teenager was not sure if this was a good or a bad thing, just that his heart was beating even faster than it had a moment ago.
Dean's hand still rested on Cas' cheek and he leaned into the touch, heaving a sigh. Dean's thumb started to gently stroke across Cas' stubbled jaw and the man closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath, like he was looking for courage.
"The way you make me feel- it's, god Dean I hate this so much." Dean withdrew his hand in shock, gasping, and Cas' eyes flew open.
"No, that's not what I mean- Dean- I hate this situation we're stuck in. That I cannot just tell people I'm not interested because I have found someone special." Castiel stumbled over his words, pulling Dean in again by his wrist, willing him to understand. He let himself be drawn in, allowed those strong arms to engulf him.
Castiel rested his head in the crook of Dean's neck, whispering against the teenager's skin, the brush of warm lips making Dean shiver. "I hate that I have to keep you a secret, I hate that we can't go out together like a couple and most of all I hate that-" he bit his lip fretfully.
"What?" Dean asked, voice shaking with nervous anticipation, just needing to know.
Castiel had thought about this a lot lately, if and when the time might be right to say- knew how he really felt about the teenager. But he had always held back, not wanting to overburden him. Now with the help of spiked eggnog he seemed to have found some Dutch courage. It actually seemed silly that he never said it. "I- I so badly want to tell you that I- I'm absolutely- how I'm in love with you but-"
The man didn't get to finish that sentence given that as soon as Dean heard those words he smashed his lips against Cas', swallowing the rest of whatever he was about to say. Dean whimpered needily. His whole body was thrumming and he felt dizzy with excitement. He pulled Cas in by the neck, deepening the kiss, the other hand grabbing his jumper and bunching it up in his fist.
Castiel pulled back once he ran out of air, breathing heavily. One of his hands came up, caressing Dean's face.
"Dean-" Cas gasped and leaned in again. A low whine escaped Dean at the renewed contact and he pressed up against the man's side as their tongues met and the kiss turned more ferocious.
"God," Castiel panted between kisses. "There's so much more I want to say to you- so much I wish I could- Dean, the things I wished we could do, want to do- it's so damn hard to do this right some days." Ever since that time Sammy had walked in on them making out, he had found it harder and harder to ignore his more carnal desires, to deny the way Dean had made him feel in that moment. On occasion, he allowed his mind to go places, imagine things, while trying his very best not to let it affect him, them, in everyday life. Apparently he was about to fail miserably.
Dean's breath hitched. This was the most forward and open he had ever experienced the older man, and damn, it was getting to him, on every level. He had been well aroused even before those words, but now it was like a near painful ache spreading through his body.
"Cas-" Dean moaned, frantically scrambling to climb onto the man's lap, needing to feel him. He met his mouth again, letting his tongue run and explore the outline of Cas' lips, feeling himself grow even harder at the little pants and gasps he managed to coax out of him.
"Just tell me, please." Dean all but begged, too far gone to spare the demarcation line they had so carefully drawn around anything sexual any thought.
"Fuck, Dean," Castiel growled in a low tone. Somewhere in that muddled brain of his he knew he really needed to shut up but he was woozy from sensational overload and was losing coherency fast. Dean was driving him crazy with that mouth of his, a pleading 'please' murmured against his lips.
Cas' chest was heaving and he felt light-headed.
"Please, tell me, what would you do to me?" Dean nibbled at Cas' ear lobe, wheedling another moan out of the man.
Castiel took in a labored breath, 'just words, they're just words' he tried to reason, with what little common sense he had left, and a surreal revelation that Dean had a right to know. "God- I would just kiss you for a long time, just like now, exploring every crevice of your mouth, sucking at that lip just so-" Cas demonstrated by pulling Dean's bottom lip in between his teeth, having Dean moan in ecstasy and involuntarily grind his hips down.
Castiel let out an arduous wheeze and closed his eyes, his hands roaming the expanse of Dean's back under the heavy jacket he still had on.
Dean grunted and briefly detached himself enough to shrug out of his jacket, letting it drop behind him before diving in again, already missing the man's body heat. "Next?" Dean whispered into his ear, before paying his ear-lobe some attention, which had the man moan and shudder. "Don't stop," he panted as he licked his way down Cas' throat.
Castiel complied, how could he not to a request like that. "Eventually, I'd spread you all out on my bed-" Dean's dick gave an excited twitch at the words and a broken off sob got stuck in his throat.
"I'd take my time taking off your shirt, pulling it up bit by bit, peppering each new sliver of skin with little kisses and nips." Dean's head fell against Cas' shoulder. He was losing it fast. How he wished that Cas would be touching him, just like that, right now.
Dean buried his hands in the man's hair, carding through it over and over, grabbing a handful and gently pulling on it, a silent encouragement to carry on.
"Once I rid you of your clothes, I'd explore your whole body with my mouth, my lips, my tongue, my hands, taking my time- finding all the little areas where you might be ticklish or sensitive." Cas stopped to take a well needed breath. Dean was too close and not close enough and he was going insane. He should shut up but the floodgates were opened, and Dean was on top of him, nibbling at the skin of his neck, intermittently rolling his hips, each and every movement sending a spike of extreme rapture through him.
"I'd- ugh- slowly kiss my way back down, to just your hipbone, teasing you until you beg me to go lower."
"CAS- oh god, please- lower." Dean gripped the man around the waist and started to experimentally grind in a rhythmic fashion, needing to feel the friction so bad, Cas' visuals were making him not so slowly lose his mind. Judging by the sound that escaped him, the other man rather enjoyed the motion.
"My hands would hold your hips still-," Castiel accompanied those words by grabbing Dean's waist, making him temporarily stop his movements, Dean whined and smashed his face into Cas' chest, panting words under his breath. "-Then I finally would go lower, flicking out my tongue to get that first taste. I'd start off by licking just your head, while keeping my eyes fixed on your face, taking in your reaction to the sensation."
Dean was reduced to a whimpering mess on top of Cas, helplessly gasping for breath, as his hands scrambled for purchase on Cas' clothes, fisting his jumper. Cas, to Dean's great joy, released his waist, allowing him to move again. The man's hands moved back up, stroking along his back and Dean felt the touch like burning coals, even through the fabric of his two shirts. He so desperately wanted that barrier of fabric to just disappear, to feel those hands on his bare skin.
Castiel still had his eyes closed and was primarily being guided by sound and touch, which added an hereto unknown thrill to what he was currently experiencing. He needed a moment to take in some air before continuing. His mind playing out exactly what he would be doing next.
"Cas, please- don't stop-" Dean whimpered, tongue sliding along the skin just behind Cas' ear.
Castiel could feel his breath go ragged. "I'd take you into my mouth, as far as I can, sucking hard on your erection while one of my hands teases your balls and moving the other one gently up your torso with feather-light touches, stopping at one of your nipples and tweaking the nub." Castiel's hips jerked up and he let out a breathy moan, which propelled Dean oh so close to the finish line.
"Cas, fuck, I'm-" he stopped mid-sentence, a filthy groan escaping him as Cas' hands moved lower and squeezed his butt-checks through his denim, urging his hips to keep moving.
"When I can feel you're- oh - close, I'd stop, and you would whine and beg me to continue, but I would move back up and catch you lips with mine while gently stroking you with my hand, getting you close again."
"Cas- oh my-" Dean was shaking now, increasing the speed of his thrusts against Cas' crotch, his face pressed into the man's shoulder. He could feel his orgasm approaching fast, balls tightening and spine tingling and he was too close to care that he would come in his pants, on Cas' lap, just by Cas taking dirty to him. The man's voice alone was enough to claim a spot in Dean's jerk off fantasies. He might have a problem.
"And just when you can't take anymore, I quickly make my way back down, sucking you back into my mouth moving up and down, bringing one of my hands around and under you, teasing between your cheeks at your entrance and-"
"CAAAS-" Dean bucked on final time and came, hard, flopping bonelessly against the man, as he rode out his orgasm with some gentle roll of his hips. He felt strong hands grip him tight, steadying him.
Dean came back to after a minute and felt so high on endorphins and post-orgasm haze that he didn't have a care in the world as his lips moved past Cas' neck and jaw to the man's lips, and he kissed him passionately while trying to suppress a happy giggle. He pressed himself against the man, wanting to be closer still, and felt Cas' straining erection poking into his hip.
"Oh-" He shuddered with renewed interest at the feeling. Cas hadn't come yet and the way he had gone still under him, Dean wondered whether he had any intention to actually do so.
"Cas-" Dean whispered, placing a gentle kiss on the man's lips, while seductively rocking his hips against Cas' hard cock. "Please, can I?"
It was an open statement as Dean didn't quite knew what exactly he was going to do but he wanted to have Cas experience the same blissful pleasure he had just felt. And he wanted it to be him to make Cas moan like that.
Castiel looked at him, panting, slightly unfocussed and pupils blown wide. He gave Dean a small nod before throwing his head back against the couch, hands resting on the teenager's ass.
Dean shuffled back just enough to be able to gaze down at the obvious tent in Cas' slacks and he wanted to touch so bad. His hand moved up, trembling, palm open as he placed it over the outline of Cas' erection, sucking in an elated breath at the feel of the hard flesh under his hand, just as Cas let out a growl and pushed up into it. Dean tentatively squeezed the shaft and only needed to rub his palm across its length a few times before he could feel a twitch and heard Cas groan out his name as he stilled for a second, holding his breath, before he suddenly exploded with a loud "Oh god."
Dean couldn't help but feel empowered by the way Cas reacted to his simple touch, and stroked the man through his orgasm as he placed a bruising kiss on his lips, swallowing the moans and pants. Cas kissed back almost possessively and Dean kissed back even harder.
"God, Cas-" he gasped, feeling giddy and like he could fly. This was by far the best experience of his whole goddamn entire life. He was pretty certain, that if they ever made it to actual skin on skin contact, he would die. Dean more felt than heard the answering chuckle vibrating through Cas' body, like the man was trying not to. Cas gave Dean's butt one last caress before slowly stroking back up, eventually resting his hands on his upper back, engulfing Dean and pulling him flush against him.
Cas' mouth found Dean's again, he just wanted to feel, not talk, not think about what had just happened, just needed more of Dean. The kiss was deep and languish, both worn out as the bliss of their orgasms slowly faded. They continued to kiss, intermixed with cuddles and nearly said words, which got lost in more kissing.
In time Castiel started to yawn and was not able to hide his tiredness any longer, limbs heavy from both mental and physical exertion as well as the after-effects of too much of that sweet drink. He tightened his arms around the boy, lowering them both down to the floor, which was a sizeable effort given Dean's latest growth spurt. He reached up and blindly grappled for some cushions and the fleece blanket, he normally used to curl up in front of the TV.
Dean hummed contentedly as he let himself be maneuvered into a comfortable position, head resting on Cas' chest, before the man covered them both with the blanket, holding him tight as they slowly drifted off to sleep.
#
Dean woke up in the middle of the night, really needing to pee. He looked around, disoriented for a moment until it all came back. Cas was snoring, one leg spread out wide from under the blanket and he had some not very appealing drool at the corner of his mouth. Yet to Dean he was the most beautiful thing he'd ever set eyes on. He would have almost doubted that last night actually happened if it hadn't been for the telltale feeling in his boxers that were sticking to his skin. God he hoped Cas wouldn't regret this when he woke up because Dean sure as hell couldn't. If anything, he was already hoping for more. The thought of whether he had taken advantage of Cas' state flashed through his mind but went just as quickly. Cas no doubt had been loosened up by the alcohol but he didn't appear too drunk to make his own decisions, and Dean, through painful experience, counted himself a good judge on that front. At any rate, he would no doubt find out in the morning.
He extracted himself and quietly padded up to the bathroom, giving himself a quick clean after a much needed pee and wondered whether he should head back home or spend the night. He desperately wanted to stay but the idea of John finding his bed empty and unused in the morning helped him made up his mind. With a sigh he went back down and chanced a last glance at the sleeping form on the floor. No doubt Cas would feel it in his back in the morning but Dean just didn't have it in him to wake the man. He looked so peaceful, and if need be Dean could always offer him a massage for any knotted muscles. He quickly headed home and thankfully, without waking anyone, sneaked upstairs and to his own bed.
#
Castiel woke up with a grunt, a pain in his neck and a distinct feeling that something was missing. He pried one of his eyes open and took in his surroundings, the movement making him realize two things. One that he was lying on the living room floor and two the sticky situation in his pants. He rolled onto his back with a sigh, staring at the ceiling. Dean must have left during the night, make sure he would wake up in his own bed so John wouldn't ask any questions. It made sense, that didn't stop the pang of disappointment at the empty space next to him.
Also, there should be panic, he should be freaking out after last night's events. But all he felt was a small amount of awkwardness and the knowledge that likely, this wouldn't have happened had he been sober, but even that fact was rapidly overridden by the pleasant memory of how good it had all felt. He even tried to conjure up the panic when it didn't want to come voluntarily, feeling like by right he should be alarmed, appalled or worse, but he couldn't stop from grinning as he continued to stare at the ceiling because- him and Dean.
A rational part of him should have known that this was where they inevitably, sooner rather than later, would be headed. But denial generally did not allow for such epiphanies. He had tried his hardest to ignore that side of him, the one that wanted to touch and needed to be touched in return. And did he wish he could have held back a little while longer, preferably until Dean was not a minor any more? That would be an emphatic yes. But the way Dean felt in his arms, the way he responded so eagerly had Castiel's stomach flutter even now and a jolt of electricity shooting all the way down to his cock.
Cas rubbed at his eyes which were dry and itchy and he could feel the onset of a headache from the aftermath of the alcohol. As long as he didn't move, it wasn't too bad though. So he decided to just stay here on the floor, staring at the ceiling, and to deal with these deep thoughts later.
The next time he woke, the pain in his neck had spread to his shoulder, damn, he should have at least moved to the couch, and there were green eyes looking down at him. A hand held out a glass of water while another offered up two painkillers.
Castiel groaned deep in his throat, this time not from pleasure, as he pulled up to a sitting position, taking the offering eagerly.
"Thank you," he rasped, voice not working properly and forcing him to clear his throat.
Dean sank down to the floor next to him, eyeing him with a nervous, bashful expression. He knocked their legs together, keeping them touching as he smiled at Cas. This whole 'morning after the night before' was completely new territory for him, and he had no idea whether people talked about it or just carried on. He was kind of looking to Cas for guidance but the man was barely conscious, clearly a night on the floor was not conducive to a restful night.
Castiel stared at the floor, while moving his neck, reveling in the crack as something slid back into place. They sat in silence, Cas grateful that Dean allowed him the time to gather his thoughts. God, he could do with a decent cup of coffee, and more importantly, a shower and some clean clothes. He felt filthy and that did not help his overall emotional state.
He turned, giving Dean a small smile.
"I really need a shower." Dean gave him that knowing look and Castiel had to turn away as he could feel himself blush. Damn, he was a grown man for goodness sake.
"Tell you what- you go and clean up and I get some breakfast going. You look like you could do with some greasy goodness."
"That sounds acceptable." Cas stated matter of factly in his Cas-like way that Dean had come to love so much. And there was a thought- He had been itching to ask ever since he had woken up this morning, but didn't know how to. It could wait.
Dean chuckled and got up, holding out his hand for the man to take. Once he was up and standing Dean kissed his cheek before pushing him in the direction of the stairs.
The hot stream of water felt like heaven as it pelted against Castiel's skin. He stayed under the stream until the water started to get lukewarm, his mind drifting back to last night. He still couldn't muster any regret for it although in the cold light of day he knew that he should try not to let things go that far again. Then again, was there any point going back now? Denying himself and by approximation Dean something they both clearly enjoyed. All other issues aside, it came down to whether he trusted Dean to know what he wanted out of this relationship.
Castiel felt peculiar, stripped bare and emotionally drained. Yet, he still felt like himself. He had always feared this might turn him into someone else, something else he would not recognize- or even like. But he was just Castiel, with a PhD, a fucked up family and in love with Dean, against all conceivable odds. In a weird way it was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. There were no' ifs' and 'buts' left after last night. If they got found out, he would go down. There was no more hiding behind half truth and morals. He had been - still was - a willing participant in a full blown relationship- with a minor. And as long as Dean wanted him, he would be there. They just would have to stick to being secretive about it until the right time and the rest they would have to make up as they went.
He exited the shower to the sweet smell of bacon and coffee drifting up from the kitchen and his stomach made itself known with a loud rumble. He quickly got dressed into some sweat-pants and a shirt, over which he put on his favorite grey cardigan and headed downstairs where Dean was waiting for him at the table with a mug of coffee an plate full of food.
"Thank you, this is just what I need." Castiel sat down, first grabbing the mug and taking a big swig of the coffee.
They made some meaningless small talk about the party and their Christmas plans, avidly avoiding the elephant in the room. Eventually they fell silent, Dean clearing the table to Cas' protests of "I should be doing this, you cooked," and told the man to just finish his coffee.
Dean was hovering at the sink, that earlier question burning on his tongue again. He just really needed to know before this feeling inside of him became too much only to come crushing down on him.
"Cas- you know-" He started without turning around. Castiel stilled. He knew this was coming sooner or later, still he was nervous.
"The thing- did you mean what you said last night?" Dean found the courage to turn around, meeting Cas' eyes who were fixed on him.
Cas chuckled nervously. "I said a lot of things last night." And he could feel himself start to blush again. He actually had no idea he was capable of such colorful language, of talking like that, and he'd rather not address it directly.
At least, to his satisfaction, Dean flushed just as red, eyes briefly lowered to the ground before meeting his again.
"Believe me, I know- I was there." He chortled. "But I mean- did you mean, you know- when you said that you - loved me?" Dean tripped over the words, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth.
Castiel's heart rate sped up. He kept his eyes fixed on Dean, looking at him earnestly. "Yes." And the way that one word was set left no room for doubt in Dean's mind that it was the truth. He closed the short distance from the sink to where Cas was sat and leaned down, wrapping his arms around the man.
"Good, 'cause I kind of am completely gone on you too." He whispered, hiding his face to cover his red cheeks, cursing his stupid complexion.
Castiel pulled Dean across his lap hugging him tight, enjoying this quiet moment between them while those words bounced around in his head, making him feel giddy as though he was a goddamn teenager. No doubt Sammy would turn up at one point, as John had the weekend shift, demanding they all go out and do something. And as they generally did, they would cave and later Dean would cook while Castiel read or brooded over lesson plans or answered some of Sammy's millions of questions about seemingly random stuff, before eventually the brothers would have to go home.
They had two days before John would take the boys down to Bobby's for Christmas and Castiel would head over to Amelia's for Christmas Day, before flying down to Oklahoma to spent New Years with Gabriel. But just for now, on this lazy Sunday morning it was just the two of them, They had nowhere particularly to be nothing else to do than soak up each others presence.
Medium sized author note coming up:
For one, I hope you enjoyed that :) And I don't know if some of you might be a bit disappointed that their first actual sexual encounter happened under these kinds of circumstances (although I hope not), but above all, I always try to keep this story as realistic as possible (well, as I imagine it in my mind at least), and there was just no way, in this story, that this would be an all romantic and gentle event. The way I Imagine Castiel's head space right now, he would only ever give into the sexual part of his feelings for Dean while not being in full control. Being slightly drunk, combined with the constant low build up of his general frustration at their situation, definitely seemed the way to get him over that mental hurdle, and have him break so to speak. After all, that is what happens in real life all too often. That said, this is not intended to take away from the very real feelings these two have, and the fact that they both did, in fact, enjoy it, which I hope I managed to get across. And the "I love you" was definitely heart felt and the truth, and I, for one, am glad it's out there!