Present Day: Washington, DC

"It absolutely mattered."

Olivia took in a sharp breath and averted her eyes back down to the table. She had spent five years believing it all meant nothing and now here he was in front of her telling her it did matter.

"Then tell me why," she said softly.

"I... I don't have a good reason," he replied. "Everything just got so incredibly complicated so fast and you were so far away. I got scared. I got scared and it was just easier to try and bury it. To pretend it didn't matter. I just got scared."

"You must have told me a million times that we were in it together. But we weren't. You left the team."

"I was a coward, Olivia. I should have jumped on a plane and come to find you. I should have done a million things. There were so many barriers standing in our way and I should have just come. Barriers be damned."

She sighed and looked up to meet his eyes again. They were going in circles and she wasn't sure what good it was doing. There was never going to be any closure. This wasn't a romance novel; it was real life. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

"The only barrier was you."

5 Years Earlier: Boston, Massachusetts

This is torture, Olivia thought as she collapsed on her bed. Sure, she had law school to keep her busy most of the time. But all of her other time? That was consumed with thinking about Fitz. Missing Fitz. Fitz.

Olivia counted meeting Fitz as one of the greatest moments of her life so far. Being around him and getting to know him had been rewarding. He was unlike anyone she knew; warm and funny with a huge heart. Every second they spent together while she was in Santa Barbara had been full of laughter and joy. Some might think age was a problem, he was 29 and she was 22, but it never felt like one. They just were.

Sometimes though the weight of what was happening threatened to pull her under. The guilt of wanting a marriage to end, of loving a married man, threatened to suffocate her. Her reaction to these kinds of emotions had always been to run. She had been hurt so many times that all it took was the hint of real emotion for Olivia to recoil into herself. Within seconds of meeting Fitz she had felt her walls crumble but it was difficult for her not to rebuild.

She rolled over and screamed into her pillow, kicking her feet like a little child. Three weeks ago, she boarded a plane back to Boston. As promised, she called him when she landed and the decision was made to cut contact drastically until he could get his divorce going. He told her repeatedly that this wasn't him leaving her. That they were in this together. And Olivia believed him because she trusted him. She innately trusted him with her fragile heart.

Then why do I feel so alone?

5 Years Earlier: Santa Barbara, California

Fitz paced around his condo, stopping briefly to stare out the window of the high rise. The condo was beautiful, expensive, with a stunning view of the beach. But it felt cold and empty. He felt cold and empty.

Olivia had been back in Boston for four weeks. They had talked here and there. A text or two a day. An email every other. Phone calls once a week. She was distant though. He could feel her trying to build up her walls. And every time he would break them down. And every time he feared losing her more if he didn't hurry up.

A knock at his door pulled him out of his reverie and he opened it without thought. He knew who it was.

"Mellie," he said coldly and stepped aside. "Come in."

She breezed past him and sat down on the leather couch.

"Well, Fitzgerald," she said, "have you come to your senses?"

"I have all my senses," he sighed.

"Good. Then you'll move back in tonight."

"I'm not moving back in, Mellie."

She narrowed her eyes at him then and he saw barely contained rage flicker in the blue. "What?"

"I still want a divorce."

"You are being ridiculous," she hissed. "There's someone else, isn't there? Whoever she is, I don't care. Keep your little whore around. But you married me!"

Fitz shook his head and gazed out through the windows again. They were going in circles.

"Mellie," he started cautiously. "You and I... we got married for all the wrong reasons. We have been pretending to be happy for far too long. Aren't you sick of pretending?"

"Pretending is what's real."

"What?"

"Marriage is almost all pretend. For everyone. That's the reality. That's what's real."

"Mellie...did I do this to you? Because if I did I am sorry."

"What are you talking about?"

"We shouldn't have to pretend. We should just be happy. And we aren't happy, Mellie."

Mellie looked at him then and he could see the disdain in her eyes. She stood up and smoothed the wrinkles on her dress.

"I've had enough of this. You obviously need more time to think."

"I'm not changing my mind, Mel," he said as he stood as well. "I want a divorce. Let's be amiable about this."

"Amiable! You want to be amiable? There will be no divorce," she hissed as she turned defiantly and stormed towards the exit. She turned at the door and glared at him once more. "I promise you, if you pursue this divorce, I. will. destroy. you." With that she turned on her expensive heels and walked out.

Fitz collapsed back onto the couch and put his face in his hands. Damnit.

Fitz rolled over in bed and stared at the clock. 12:55 am. He wanted desperately to sleep. But sleep never came. Sleep never came when the wheels in his mind started turning. Visions of a life stuck in Santa Barbara with Mellie haunted him. Olivia moving on and finding someone without his complications taunted him. A life stuck in his father's shadow never getting what he wanted, never truly being happy, tormented him. When did everything get so damn complicated, he thought.

He picked up his phone and wondered if Olivia was sleeping. He wanted, no needed, to hear her voice. It was almost 4am in Boston though and he wouldn't wake her. Instead he sent a quick text.

Miss you like crazy. Wish I could hear your voice right now.

He sighed and leaned back against his pillow, silently begging for sleep. His phone rang and Olivia's name popped up on the screen.

"Liv?"

"I miss you too."

"You couldn't sleep either?"

"Nope."

Fitz settled himself into the covers and smiled slightly when he heard her do the same. "Hi."

"Hi."

"You should be sleeping," he told her playfully.

"Hmm well, I was trying to sleep when I got a really pathetic text from a friend of mine. So I decided to give him a call."

"Lucky guy."

"He'd do well to remember that."

"He is well aware. So what are you wearing?"

"Fitz," she said as she started to laugh and he felt his tension start to leave at the sound. "We can't."

"Why not?"

"Because," she replied attempting to regain composure. "It would be inappropriate."

"Let's be inappropriate."

More laughter. Beautiful soul cleansing laughter.

"You are shameless."

"Mmhmm," he murmured. "Come on. It's just one friend asking another."

"We are not friends."

"We are good friends."

"Fitz," she said softly. "You're married."

He sighed and sat up in bed, leaning his head back against the headboard.

"Do you know that I love you? I love you. I am in love with you. You are the love of my life. If I could escape all of this... Liv, I am trying."

"I know, Fitz... I," she sighed. "I love you too. I am in love with you too."

"So we are in this together?"

"We are in this together."

"Get some rest, Livvie."

"You too. Night.

"Night."

The line went dead and he stared at it for what felt like hours. She loved him. She loves me. Fitz looked out the bedroom window and took in a cleansing breath. She loves me.

It was at that moment he realized he had to do something. He laid back down and rolled over. In the morning, he would come up with a plan.

5 Years Earlier: Boston, Massachusetts

Olivia felt lighter somehow then she had in months. Knowing that he loved her made the whole thing just the tiniest bit less scary. It still gnawed at the back of her mind that she was hoping for a divorce but he loved her and that felt wonderful. That felt like the sun and the moon and all the stars in the sky were in her bedroom. She laid awake in bed for at least another hour after they spoke, the words playing over and over in her head. I love you. I am in love with you. You are the love of my life.

She had never felt this content before. She had never felt so hopeful before. Olivia knew she was what many considered attractive and because of that she had never wanted for male attention. She was a bit of a loner but it was always by choice. She had a few select friends but she still pretty much kept to herself. After the first few guys had hurt her, Olivia had learned how to build up her walls high around her heart and had developed an unwavering gut. Within minutes of meeting someone should could tell if they were trustworthy. Her gut was never wrong.

And her gut was what was keeping her up tonight. Something was about to go horribly wrong and she didn't think she could possibly stop it.

A/N: And here is Chapter 3. A little later in the evening then planned but adult responsibilities got in the way. Hope you liked it. Leave reviews. Chapter 4 might not go up until Thursday. :)