A/N: I had hoped to have this up last week, but ya know - Christmas. Also, this was really hard to write, trying to get inside about seven different head spaces did drive me mad at at times, but I finally am happy with the overall feel of this chapter and most of all hope I still manage to keep this believable.
A fair warning to all my lovely readers with weak hearts (so you can brace yourselves): this is where shit hits the fan. I just hope you manage to get through it and stick it out with me till the end. Hugs.
"Dean, no- stop!" Sammy squealed, trying to wriggle out of the headlock his big brother had him in, burying his face against his shoulder to avoid yet another load of snow getting shoveled in his face. Without looking back he lumped the white ball in his gloved hand over his shoulder knowing it hit its target when Dean let out a yelp, followed by a laugh. "You're gonna pay for that!" the older Winchester chuckled as he lost his grip on his little brother. Sam hooted as he scampered away on the slippery ground. "Gotta catch me first", he teased, Dean in hot pursuit.
Snow had started to fall Christmas Day and it had not let up since, having quickly transformed the world around Bobby and Jody's property into a winter wonderland. The power already cut out twice and the brothers, for a distinct lack of anything better to do, made the most of it, building increasingly ridiculous snowmen and testing their agility during numerous snowball fights. But there was only so much cold Dean was willing take in one go and even as he pelted another snowball at Sam's face, he could feel his trousers clinging to his skin, the damp cold making him shiver. His nose was cold and runny and his fingers had gone numb some time ago.
"Come on, squirt, time to get back inside, before I have to worry about my jewels." Dean pulled off Sam's beanie and ruffled through the boy's hair, lumping some snow on top of the hairy mess. Sam protested and snorted as he spat out some snow that had found its way into his mouth during Dean's final attack, mumbling something about paying Dean back next time under his breath.
"SHOES OFF!" Jody yelled from where the adults were huddled around the fireplace in the living room before the brothers were even halfway through the front door. Apparently she was still mad at Sam for having stomped through the house in full attire, shoes and all, yesterday, having left a wet trail of melting snow and dirt in his wake.
Once in their room, Dean peeled out of his jeans and jumper and headed for the bathroom, covering his lower half with a towel, he had left discarded on the floor this morning. After a glorious hot shower and a fresh set of clothes, he took in the state of their room, not really able to avoid the issue any longer. He went to pick up the various garments that were strewn across a multitude of surfaces, deciding that now might be a good a time as any to wash them. He was already out of underwear and socks, not having accounted for multiple changes every day thanks to their snow antics, and his brother couldn't be faring much better. He struggled down the stairs with his arms full and loaded the machine, not being able to keep a grin off his face; a sudden giddiness spreading through his body like it had a tendency to do lately whenever his thoughts inevitably would wander to Cas. His inability to do so, at times, elicited curious, amused glances from the people around him but he just couldn't help it. It was like an electric current zinged through him at the sheer thought of his friend, making his body do silly things he apparently had no control over. It had been five days since they parted and he missed the man like crazy.
That wasn't to say that he didn't have a good time. All in all, it was great out here, as much as that surprised him, given their previous Christmas experiences. Bobby and Jody were doing their part of making this a special occasion, spoiling them with food, and their dad strictly sticking to sodas and coffee made for a generally relaxed atmosphere. Now if only Cas was here it would be pretty much near perfect, well in the world of a Winchesters at least. Phone calls and texts just didn't quite compensate for the real thing, especially now that Dean had had a very real glimpse of said real thing. It kind of sucked that just as their relationship had evolved, they had to separate for the best part of two weeks. There had been no further opportunities to test these new waters after that evening a week ago, and Dean spent a fair amount of his time here imagining the awesome things they might get around to experience in the not too distant future, and five more days, at times, seemed just like too damn long. But absence made the heart grow fonder or some shit, which was very true if his increasing yearning for the man and random stupid grinning faces was an indicator.
Sammy had just come back from his shower and was frantically looking through his duffel for an undershirt when Dean sauntered back into their room, that grin still plastered on his face, accompanied by an excited fluttering unfurling low in his belly at the memories of Castiel's touch, resulting in a sudden urge to get in contact with him. They had been keeping up a constant stream of texts during this morning, just a general back and forth, intermixed with a few more personal messages but now Dean hankered to hear his voice.
"Hey, you seen my cell?" Dean was sure he'd left it in here earlier when they got changed to go outside. He definitely didn't bring it and now that his mind was firmly focused on Cas, he was dying to see if the man had replied to his latest text.
"What, can't even spent an hour without hearing from your boyfriend? You two are so gross!" Sam teased which earned him a pillow to the head, just on principle, because Dean had to keep face and his brother needed to know who was boss. But really, he actually quite enjoyed the easy banter he and Sammy had fallen into with regards to his relationship with their friend, not that he would have the little menace know though.
"Shut up! And just so you know it's been at least three hours." Dean pouted, rummaging through his duffel and when that proved unsuccessful, attacking his bed.
"What do you always say about Uncle Bobby with regards to Jody? 'Whipped' ring a bell?" Sam chuckled as Dean scowled at him again.
"Whatever." Dean eventually snapped back, although not maliciously, when he couldn't think of a good comeback. "I'm hungry. I bet there is still some of that leftover turkey in the fridge. Sandwich?" He not so subtly changed the subject, but food was always a good distraction, no way was he going to blush in front of his brother. He would just call Cas while his brother was busy with the sandwich.
"Yep. Just gimme a minute." Sammy mumbled from under a half pulled on jumper.
"Can't guarantee there'll be any left." Dean grinned and bounded down the stairs, two steps at a time and straight into the kitchen, where he came to a screeching halt in front of the kitchen table where Jody, Bobby and John were in deep conversation. At his lively entrance, three pairs of eyes shot up, fixing him with an unreadable expression, and Dean instinctively curled in on himself, mentally going through any possible actions or scenarios that might have gotten him into trouble and drawing a blank.
"What's up?" He huffed casually, trying to ignore the tension as he walked over to the fridge.
"Dean. Could you sit down for a minute. We need to talk." Jody addressed him in an unusual, formal way, somewhat sounding off to Dean's ears.
"'Bout what?" Dean mumbled from where his head was buried in the fridge, looking for that leftover turkey.
"Dean." His father's strained voice had him pull his head out and stand to attention, an intrinsic reaction, arms held behind his back.
"I didn't do nothing." He said pre-emptively, eyes roaming between the adults, before his eyes fell on the object his dad was clutching in his hand, and a cold shiver of trepidation worked its way down his spine. Now he remembered- he left his cell on the kitchen table when he had grabbed a drink just before heading out with Sam.
"Hey, I was looking for that. What you're-"
As it was evident that Dean had no intention of joining them at the table, Bobby cleared his throat, interrupting Dean.
"Certain things have come to light and we-"
"What things?" Dean cut his surrogate uncle off mid-sentence, something he would not normally do, but he had a real bad feeling all of a sudden. He bit his tongue as he tried to calm down, tried to keep up appearances.
"I didn't want to pry but your phone went off just as I came in here to get some water and I just picked it up-" Jody looked at him full of sympathy and some weird kind of anguish that had Dean's stomach tie itself in knots. "And what I saw had me concerned." she added, "especially when I saw who it was from. I'm sorry but I had to inform your father about this."
Dean shrugged his shoulders, going for denial despite his heart hammering out a frantic beat. "No idea what you're talking about."
John cleared his throat and swiped across the screen, making it light up. "Shame you are not here. I could think of a few ways to warm you up, all of you *winkey face*." John emphasized the last words, before putting the cell down, staring at Dean in a way that had the teenager swallow audibly. The words unmistakably were Cas' reply to his earlier teasing of the man, bemoaning the fact that he wouldn't have anyone to keep his cold body warm after he would be done with Sammy.
"Oh that!" Dean laughed, trying to hide the nerves with a dismissive wave of his hand. "We were just messing about."
"Messing about with a grown man about what?" John snapped.
"You know, snowball fights and stuff. Told him about me and Sammy heading out and that we're gonna end up cold. No biggy."
"Dean, we're just a bit alarmed, especially when considering the other messages and-" Jody tried to keep her voice level and calm, something that almost came natural to her after years in her job. She was well aware how a small spark could ignite a whole room when tension was already high, and Dean was wound tight from what she could tell, which did not help alleviate her worries.
"How do you- You've gone through my phone?" Dean stared at them in disbelief, realization dawning that they must have read more than just the one message. He could kick himself now for not having put a lock on his cell, he'd just been too lazy to always punch in a code and dammit, his own family should respect his boundaries. "This is a breach of my privacy, Gimme that!" Dean demanded, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. As a rule he always deleted any conversations he had with Cas, generally being quite diligent. However, the ones from this morning were still there, he was getting round to deleting them, and he had a few snapshots of the man in his gallery. He mentally went through anything that could be incriminating, but apart from some teasing there really was nothing that- oh shit! Dean gulped. There was this one text, the one Cas sent two evenings ago when Dean had been not so subtly flirting with him. Those three words that Dean just couldn't get himself to delete, choosing instead to keep them and stare at them over and over at any given opportunity, trying to remember what Cas sounded like as he spoke them to him not even a week ago, and which now could indict them. How could he have been so stupid?
"No, I will hold on to this until we know exactly what's going on." John insisted.
"Just give me my damn cell." Dean yelled, stomach constricting painfully, when John didn't make any indication to hand it over.
"Dean, please. We're just trying to help you. We need you to tell us the truth and, of course we know this might not be easy-" Jody's calm and level voice cut through the staring match Dean and his father had engaged in.
"What truth?" Dean threw up his hands in the air, exasperated. "The truth is Cas is my friend, that's all."
"Dean, if he's putting pressure on you, told you to keep quiet about whatever it is that is going on, you know you're safe here-"
"Are you out of your fucking minds?" Dean couldn't keep calm any longer at the not so hidden accusation, full blown panic exploding through his chest, making breathing difficult. How the hell was he getting Cas out of this unscathed? Stupid; he was so, so stupid. Cas had taken this great risk to be with him and he couldn't even delete a fucking text, despite all his promises and assurances. Just as he was desperately fishing for something more to say, Sammy bolted down the stairs and into the kitchen.
"Hey, jerk. You better have left me some- oh." He stopped abruptly, taking in the tense atmosphere, the varying looks on the faces of the adults present, ranging from concern to indignation. He instinctively took a step closer to his brother, his shoulder brushing against Dean's arm. Dean, who looked like he was about to be sick.
"Sam, please go upstairs for a few minutes." Bobby addressed him, just as he opened his mouth. "What's going on?" The younger brother demanded to know.
"Samuel, to your room!" This time it was John speaking, more demanding and less kind than Bobby had been a second ago. But Sammy stood his ground next to his brother, chancing a quick glance at him, studying his face for any silent prompt or guidance. No guidance came, but Sammy could tell how tense his brother was, his jaw clutched tight, a muscle twitching under the strain. No way would he leave now. Memories of the last time these two had butted heads were still too fresh in his mind. "No, you got something to say to Dean, you say it to me." Dean nudged him with his arm in silent thanks as his eyes stayed trained on John.
"I want my cell." Dean stubbornly insisted, and they didn't call Sammy smart for no reason as it took him about two seconds to work out the most likely scenario of what caused this stand-off. His dad must have gotten hold of Dean's cell and likely his brother had not deleted all his lovely-dovey conversations he had with Cas and- shit, this could get ugly for their friend, and for Dean. He shot a concerned look at his older brother, eyes wide, something which didn't go unnoticed.
"Sam, are you privy to this?" Jody enquired, sounding slightly shocked, despite keeping her voice level. She left the question hanging open, interpreting the younger brother's body language and the way he stood molded against Dean's side as silent confirmation.
"Did he ever- do anything you didn't want him to do, Sam, Dean?" The woman prodded oh so gently when both boys remained silent.
"I swear, if that motherfucker as much as laid a hand on Sammy, I'll-" John barked, being shushed by Bobby and Jody as Sam gaped at them wide eyed, not believing what he just heard. Where they implying that Cas-?
"What? Castiel would never do anything like that, he's-" The younger brother burst out in shock.
"Sam, give me your cell." John demanded.
"No." Sam yelled, trying to mask his nerves with volume.
"Sam, your cell!" The younger Winchester flinched at the tone of voice, and his resolve wavered.
"Fine, not like there is anything on there." He made a point as he dug his cell out of his jeans pocket. He had no idea what his dad was hoping to find but whatever it was, Sam was certain he would be disappointed.
John grumbled under his breath after a quick browse through Sam's phone brought up nothing but some conversations over homework and plans to go to the cinema. Still, he knew his boys were hiding something, and it could not be good. They were shifty and clearly anxious and avoided meeting any of the adults eyes directly as they presented an eerily united front.
"What is the hold this man has over you?" He heaved a desperate sigh. "Did he buy your affection with gifts? This thing, I definitely didn't buy it for you- and your coat, Sam."
"Yes," Sam snapped. "He bought me that coat, and some clothes last winter when you were too frigging drunk to even care whether I had anything left to wear." Unlike Dean, Sam never had much problems addressing his dad's drinking problems, not really remembering the time of 'before' and even now not really believing his old man's dry spell was going to last.
"Sammy." His dad scolded, sitting up straighter in his chair.
"It's the truth. He was there when you weren't. He's just a nice guy and wouldn't need to buy our affection. He cares for us and he's a great friend and he never would have, ugh." The younger brother threw his hands up in frustration, feeling three sets of eyes resting on him, studying him closely.
"So he's just grooming Dean then." John brought everybody's attention back to his older son. "How long's this been this going on?"
"He what?" Dean's voice went up by about an octave. "He never-"
"Dean, this-" John waved the cell in his son's face. "Doesn't exactly leave much room for interpretation."
"Well yeah, your interpretation-."
"So you think it's totally normal for a grown man to tell some sixteen year old that he loves him? It's sick is what it is! There are laws against people like that for a reason." John slammed his fist on the table in frustration.
"I-" Dean stumbled over his words, looking for some retort but his mind was reeling, mouth opening and closing again.
"So you're not denying it?" John prodded, taking the silence as confirmation.
"Because there's nothing to deny, people say shit like that all the time without it meaning anything." Dean said all too defensively even to his own ears. All he got for his feeble attempt at an explanation was some unbelieving huffs.
"Dean, you have to try and see this from our point of view, we're just tryin' to look out for ya." Bobby's deep gruff voice cut through his haze, but Dean was past being reasonable, he just needed this to go away. "And what a stellar job you're all doing." He laced a fair amount of sarcasm into his voice. "Going through my messages behind my back, you had not right-"
"Yes I have every right, I'm your father and you're a minor and therefore I am responsible for you."
"Oh how convenient that you remember this NOW." Dean snapped back.
John glared at him but at least had the decency to look slightly chastised at Dean's clipped words. "Yes, I know- I've been a shitty dad, you don't need to remind me. But I'm here now and I'm just trying to do better and to not let you down again."
"By doing what? Turning Cas into some kind of monster in your head, that goes after little boys and buys their affection? That's so twisted." Dean shook with rage.
Sammy, who had mostly turned into a silent bystander, placed a hand on the small of his brother's back, somewhat grounding him and Dean was grateful for his silent support.
John pushed up from the table, chair falling backwards at the force. Bobby jumped up too, preparing for any possible fallout.
"Twisted? I'm the one that's twisted? I'm not some faggot pervert who lusts after boys and wheedles their way into their lives just so they can act upon their sick fantasies- these gays are all-"
And that right there broke the camel's back, even as Jody and Bobby tried to intervene with calming words, Dean snapped like a rubber band, not caring for the consequences. "Newsflash for you dad- in case you forgot. I'm one of those GAYS you're talking about. Yes, your son's a flaming queer, likes taking it up the ass- and I didn't need some 'twisted' homosexual to talk me into this, I figured it out all by myself. I like cock, what you're gonna do about it?" Dean was nose to nose with his old man and shaking with rage, not even registering all the words that had tumbled out of his mouth. The sting of the hand connecting with the side of his face was almost like a welcome distraction, bringing him back down.
"John, Dean, STOP!" Bobby and Jody yelled at the same time. Bobby pulled John aside. "Dean's not the bad guy here."
"Neither is Cas!" Dean protested from halfway across the kitchen, where Jody was holding him back. He had to bite his cheek to stop himself from blurting out that if anything, it was all his doing. He was the one who had chipped away at Cas for the best part of two years. If they wanted to blame someone, it should be him, but he doubted they would believe him. They all appeared to have made up their minds already.
"You're not old enough to decide that. You're still a kid."
Dean's sneered, not able to hide the disdain in his voice. "No, just old enough to be in charge of Sammy while you were out getting drunk, but clearly not old enough to trust my judge of character!"
"Clearly not, if you let that man take advantage of you-"
"He wasn't the one who took advantage of me-" Dean growled, eyes resting on his father with an unspoken challenge. He had no idea where his sudden spell of courage hailed from. Clearly, his survival instinct had taken a break, talking back to his old man like that wouldn't get him anything but trouble. Dean just didn't care.
"Calm down, everyone. Nothing's gonna get solved while tempers are soarin', let's all take some time out and then we can talk 'bout this." Bobby's stern voice effectively shut everyone else up.
"There's nothing TO talk about, we're just friends! Can I have my phone now?" Dean tried to make another grab for it. He needed to call Cas, warn him, hear his voice- just something to make this nightmare go away, a warm low voice telling him things would be alright.
"No, this remains confiscated until further notice."
"WHAT? You can't do that. It's mine! You're-"
"You are a minor and if I think it's in your best interest, I have every right. Neither of you is to contact Castiel- by phone or otherwise, until we shed some light on the situation."
"Make me." A new wave of panic and nausea coiled through Dean. Surely they could not keep him from at least talking to his friend.
"If you do, I will not hesitate to forward this information to Child Protection, I'm sure they would find this very interesting." John's words were hard and final and Dean flinched.
"But nothing happened!" It was a last ditch attempt. His voice was shaky and desperate. "He didn't bad touch me or force me to do stuff. My cherry is still firmly in place and I will tell anyone as much, you have nothing! This is just a witch hunt, you always hated Cas."
Sam took a step closer to Dean, pulling himself up tall and squaring his shoulders. "And I will corroborate this, Castiel has never done anything wrong, he's a good guy, just leave him alone."
John stared in utter disbelief at the open defiance, jaw clenching and unclenching as he fixed his sons with a glare. "Even if you deny this, You know what it's like, something is bound to stick- and in a profession like his, that can't be good."
"You're blackmailing me?"
"I'm doing this for your own good. You might not understand this now, but you will when you're older and have your own kids."
"Jody, Bobby!" Dean pleaded urgently at the other two adults in the room.
"I'm afraid it's your old man's call Dean, and 'til we know all the fact I'm inclined to agree with him." Bobby replied and Jody nodded her agreement. And Dean hated them in that moment, all of them. He knew he needed to get out of here or he would hurt someone, not even caring who it was, and that thought scared him shitless and spurred him into moving.
"Fuck you, all of you!" Dean yelled, before storming up the stairs, Sammy following on his heels without sparing the adults another thought.
Dean couldn't breathe, he was so furious, working himself up even more as emotions and thoughts were coursing unchecked through his system. They had pushed him metaphorically and physically into a corner and he never felt more helpless in his life.
Dean punched the doorframe, twice, as he passed through it, welcoming the pain, then threw himself on his bed, only now allowing the tears to come, big sobs and gulps of air, making his body shudder. This could not be happening. As soon as they got back home he would find a way to talk to Cas and they would come up with a way to fix this, even if that meant going back to just being friends for the time being. No way would Cas have to bear the brunt of his carelessness with regards to those texts or his father's callousness. He would deny anything more than them spending time together as friends until he'd be blue in the face.
Sammy stood in the doorway and stared at his brother, feeling for him so badly. He had no idea how Dean really felt or how this would affect him, or Cas. Most likely he did not get all the implications of the situation they found themselves in. But in the end, they made each other happy and shouldn't that be enough? Not like Dean was a helpless kid or anything. Maybe it was a 'because Cas was a guy' thing that had the adults so worked up. He felt righteous indignation on his brother's behalf. Finally there was someone who cared for Dean, looked out for him, for both of them, and Cas did not deserve his dad's fury, but his gratitude for taking care of his boys. And at the heart of it, Sam didn't want to lose what they had back in Chicago. Cas and Amelia had been a welcome constant in his life and despite his initial fear, Dean's relationship with their friend had not changed that.
A frustrated sob drew his attention back to his brother. Dean definitely never had been the overly emotional type, always hiding behind a snide remark or joke, so for him to be openly crying- Sam swallowed around a lump in his throat. Remembering how his big brother used to comfort him after a nightmare or a bad day, he climbed onto the bed and let his smaller frame surround his brother, sobs still wrecking his body. He engulfed Dean with his lanky arms, and Dean only put up a small protest of trying to shove him away before he just sank into it, while he cried. Sammy waited patiently until eventually his brother was all cried out and drifted off to sleep.
#
"Go away!" Dean yelled at the person who knocked at the door. It was the third time someone tried to get their attention but he refused to come out, for dinner or otherwise, and by proxy that meant Sammy, who was sat next to him on his bed, playing on his Nintendo, refusing to leave his brother's side. And Dean really loved him for his quiet but heartfelt loyalty right now.
"Dean, please, just come and eat something." Jody pleaded from the other side of the door.
"Not hungry." The teenager grumbled. He still felt sick, eyes puffy and itchy and food was the last thing on his mind right now.
"In that case, can I come in for a minute?" She asked after a moment of hovering at the door, voice calm and kind.
"What if I say no?"
"Not going to force you, but just- one minute, I promise."
Dean remained quiet and Jody took this as agreement. She opened the door slowly and walked in, sitting down on the bed next to Dean.
They shared an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, only interrupted by the beeps and jingles from Sammy's game. Dean found an interesting patch of dirt on the floor to focus on.
"You know, I really just want to do right by you." Jody broke the silence, gazing at Dean with motherly concern. Despite not looking at her, Dean could feel it, radiating off of her, and it was nearly enough for him to break and just go in for a hug, but the anger of earlier was still too fresh. If she had never picked up his cell, none of this would be happening.
Dean huffed. "Then make my dad give me back my cell." Stubbornness was a Winchester trade after all.
"That might not be a good idea while we're trying to figure out the situation." The woman replied calmly.
Dean rolled his eyes in frustration. Of course they would all have a united front against him, even Jody.
"I know you won't believe me, but your father is concerned, we all are. He might not be handling this very well, but it is not an everyday situation. But I'm on your side, Dean, really."
"Then believe me that nothing bad happened. Cas did not abuse me, or rape me or whatever stuff you're imagining. He's a friend and he has always been there for me."
Jody nodded her head. Dean couldn't help the small speck of gratitude that she at least listened. "But even you must admit that it doesn't quite come across like that, things don't quite add up in what you're telling us. And as much as I'm inclined to believe you, want to believe you, you might not be an objective observer. You know there are many ways of -" Jody paused, clearly looking for the right words. "Let's say- inappropriate treatment. Not all of them have to be physical. You are a capable young man but you are also in a quite vulnerable position with everything that has happened in your past. I don't know Castiel well enough to just rule anything out as a possibility. Mentally taking advantage of someone could be-"
"Stop, just stop!" Dean yelled, feeling his hackles rise again. "You just don't' get it, don't' want to get it. Cas is not like that, at all. He's great- and you said anyone who makes me happy is ok with you." Dean clamped his mouth shut, realizing in horror what just slipped out.
Jody stared at him, mouth opening and closing a few times as she processes this information.
"That was- all this time? That was him?" She asked not at all sure how to react to the way her own words were being flung back in her face, remembering the joyful looks on the teenagers face all over the summer, her gentle teasing and his answering blush. But she didn't know- and that was not what she meant, only it kind of had been. But things were different now that she knew who it was, she couldn't just ignore the facts. Back then Dean had just turned sixteen, which made any interaction between these two that happened previous illegal in this state, let alone in Illinois where the age of consent was even higher. Dean could not expect her to just ignore the law.
Dean met her question with silence, staring at his toes.
"Dammit, Dean!" Jody's frustrated and slightly raised voice startled the brothers. Sammy looking up at her from his game. "Just talk to me, son. 'M worried about you. In my job, you hear stuff- see stuff, ugly stuff- and I want to help you but I can't if you don't talk to me, don't tell me whether he, you-."
"You want to help me, get my dad of Cas' back. If you believe nothing else, believe me that Cas didn't do nothing wrong." Dean snapped before turning and crossing his arms. Jody read the body language for what it was.
"Ok, I will stop now. Just, if you need to talk, I'm here. I'll try to keep an open mind, I promise." She ruffled the teenager's hair before leaving the room, silently sighing to herself, mulling over this new bit of information, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe this relationship was really only on the platonic side, but she'd seen too much in her line of work, heard too much from her friends to hold out much hope. But above all, Dean would need time in order to open up, and John needed to calm down, the two of them butting heads would not help anyone.
Speaking of John, neither her nor Bobby had seen him since a tense and silent dinner. He had all but vanished and any Christmas spirit that might have lingered in the house had well and truly been put to death. While Jody went to check on the boys, Bobby took it on himself to go and look for their old man. He'd had enough time to stew. When he found him, Bobby's blood curdled in anger as he stormed into the study, where John was perched over the table, a glass of telltale amber liquid in his hand.
"Put the fucking glass down." He barked. John's head shot up and met Bobby's angry stare. "You don't want to do this, believe me. This is not going to solve anything."
John glared at his old friend but after a moment put the glass down. "You stupid sonofabitch", Bobby did not even try to hide his frustration. "Your boys need you and all you can think about is hitting the bottle!" The older man swiftly grabbed the glass along with the bottle, emptying their contents into the kitchen sink and cursing himself for not having gotten rid of his secret stash. Not like any of them should be drinking.
He returned with two mugs of steaming coffee. "Here, this will be better at clearing your head."
John grumbled but accepted the offering, sipping at it absentmindedly, while he works through his thoughts.
"You know, I blame you for this." John eventually said, not meeting the other man's eyes. "I knew something was off about that guy, but you had to insist that-"
"Stop right there." Bobby cut his friend off. "IF it turns that he did something to them boys- hell, I'll kick myself for being so trusting and if you want to throw a punch, I won't stop you. But, he always struck me as trustworthy and we still don't know the whole story and until then-"
"What the hell more is there to know? You're still trying to make excuses for this motherfucker? I should have kicked his ass when I had the chance- and now- what has he done to my son? I don't even know that kid anymore. Sure as hell wasn't 'gay' before he met this pervert."
Jody chose that moment to walk in, mind still reeling from her talk with Dean. "John, to put it frank," she cut in as she pulled up a chair. "You haven't known your boys for a long time. You've been too obsessed with your own grief and anger to realize that they were hurting too. Hell, I blame myself, and I know Bobby blames himself too, for not having picked up how bad things had gotten. You have put them through hell, and I am glad you finally came out the other side, I really am. But, sexuality aside which, you know, you might just have to face the fact that Dean has a preference for the same sex- no don't look at me like that." She scolded the man in her no-nonsense voice. "But as I said, that aside, it's not a surprise they went looking for affection in other places. Now the question is what kind of affection this is. And if you can calm down enough to look at the bigger picture, we need to think about how to do right by these boys, not jump the gun."
"But someone like that should not get away with-"
"No they should not, and if he has done something illegal, he will not. But for now you need to think about your sons. Dean is upstairs and is upset, whether we believe his version of events or not doesn't matter. He believes that we wronged him and clearly they will not volunteer any more information. They both seem to care about Castiel, whether those feelings are misplaced or not, and if you push them away now, it will just make everything worse. This needs to be handled delicately. People train for years to be able to deal with cases like this."
"So what, pretend nothing happened? I can't fucking do that."
"You might just have to swallow your pride, this is not about you right now!" Bobby urged.
John stayed in that study a long time after the Singer-Mills went to bed. The remainder of his coffee had long since gone cold but he still intermittently took a sip as he toyed with Dean's cell in his hand. Part of him knew Bobby and Jody were right but part of him needed to do something before he would explode or head out and find the nearest bar, snow or no snow. He hadn't felt this strong a pull for a drink in a long time and on top of everything else it scared him, taking his focus away from the situation in front of him.
John read over those few texts again, and felt physically sick. 'Love', this man dared say he was in love with Dean, with a fucking kid! How was that not wrong? A renewed surge of anger had him hit the dial button before he could stop himself.
#
Castiel shifted, trying to make himself more comfortable on the couch next to his brother, who had a blissful expression on his face. He no doubt was in a sugar induced coma from the copious amounts of Christmas desserts he had eaten over these last days. Castiel himself hadn't really moved at all in the last half an hour either, a lazy nothingness spreading through his body, making it heavy and sleepy, when his phone buzzed. His face split into a grin when he saw he caller ID. He'd been wondering why Dean hadn't texted or called for most of the day, as it was in stark contrast to their generally quite frequent communication they had established. He got up, giving his brother an apologetic smile, who returned it with a raised eyebrow. Thankfully, Gabriel hadn't asked who he had been so engaged with over these last few days, which in itself made Castiel wonder whether his brother actually knew and chose to ignore the issue, because it was unlike him to pass up an opportunity for a good ribbing. Halfway out of the room he accepted the call.
"Hey. I was about to send out a search party for you." He teased fondly, having missed talking to Dean.
"Now listen here you sonofabitch-"
Castiel's face fell, hands started to shake and a cold dread of foreboding took hold in his gut, which suddenly churned frantically.
"John?" Gabriel's head shot up, having picked up on the way Castiel's voice broke off there at the end of that name.
"Don't talk, just listen. It's over. I know what you did to Dean, with Dean, how you wormed your way into the lives of my sons -. I always knew I couldn't trust you and I don't know how you mind-whammied my boys into submission that they won't admit the ugly truth BUT- no more, you hear me! I don't know what I'm going to do about this yet, but if you ever, ever get within a mile of either of them again, I will not hesitate to take you out. Are we clear?" He did not wait for an answer but just disconnected the call.
Castiel swayed, the world around him moved out of focus. He wanted to interrupt, to say something but before he got the chance the line went dead.
"Oh god." He lost the grip on his cell, and it fell to the floor with a thud.
"Castiel?" Somehow Gabriel was there, arm around his waist and guiding him over to the couch where he made him sit down.
"What was that all about? You are as white as a sheet." He sat down next to his brother, eyes boring into the side of his head.
"It's- I- oh god." Castiel stuttered, not able to make sense of the various trains of thoughts that currently were running rampage his head. He folded in on himself, burying his face in his hands.
"Castiel, maybe now would be a good time to tell me exactly what's been going on with you lately. I might pretend at times, but I'm not actually stupid."
"You wouldn't understand." Castiel mumbled into the palm of his hands.
"Try me." Gabriel said, almost like a challenge.
"It's, oh god, I don't know what to do!"
Gabriel sighed sympathetically. His brother might think he had been sly and good at hiding his emotions, but during his last visit, his feelings for a certain boy had been written all over his face whenever as much as his name came up. "I can't tell you that until I know all the facts. Look, I am chancing a guess that this has to do with Dean." Castiel eyes grew large, his brother's words confirmation of his earlier suspicions.
"I might have sounded like I was joking when I warned you about him but, you know that's just how I talk, try and turn everything into a joke but, damn- If I'm honest, I knew something was there, maybe I should have been more forward." Gabriel worked his hands through is sandy hair, considering his next words. "I don't know what you were thinking or whether you are thinking at all with regards to the boy, but I need to know what exactly is going on between you two. And I want the truth. I'm your brother so let me help you, please." Gabriel implored following up his words with a pleading glance.
"But you, you don't want to get involved in this." Castiel looked up from between his hands, studying his brother, looking for disgust or condemnation in his gaze but finding neither.
"I already am. You are my brother. And I can promise you that I will try not to judge. Hell, that boy's been head over heels for you for years, and you have not been very good at hiding your fondness for him. Now, all I want to know is whether I need to have any concern about you having done something against his will; that would be the only reason I would consider reporting you, but somehow I doubt that will be necessary. Still, please tell me, would I have reason to consider making that call? The truth, Castiel, no matter what. I know you're an honorable man and this clearly is eating you up." Gabriel knew he was playing slightly dirty by appealing to his brother's morality, but sometimes you had to protect people from themselves, and maybe Castiel needed reminding. Yet, while he waited for him to reply Gabriel prayed that his instinct with regards to his brother could be trusted.
Castiel pondered this, really thought about his relationship with Dean and whether despite his own reservations, there ever had been any indication that he forced Dean into something he did not want.
"No." He replied when he could not come up with any plausible scenarios of him having taken advantage in that way. Dean had always been very forward with how he felt about him and what he might want out of their relationship.
"I'm glad." Gabriel let out a sigh, giving away how tense he actually was, placing a comforting had on his brother's shoulder. And the damn broke, Castiel let it all out with words and tears and more words. Finally he was able to share with someone, all his doubts and attempts at denying himself and Dean and ultimately failing. How he had come to love the boy against his better judgment, and how he didn't know what to do now that Dean's father was in the know and had threatened him. That he was worried for Dean, without a means to contact him, and just so scared but that he would deserve what was coming to him for not having been strong enough to deny himself. At which point Gabriel told him to 'just stop' and pulled him into a tight hug something Castiel didn't feel he deserved but accepted nonetheless with gratitude.
God knows, generally Gabriel loved being right but just on this occasion, as he held his sobbing brother in his arms, he wished with all his heart that he had been wrong. That he imagined all those signs he picked up on over the years, first from the boy but increasingly from Castiel as well over this last year. Damn, he should really have sat him down rather than joke about the matter. Because this could get real bad for Castiel.
Gabriel wanted to feel appalled, after all Dean was sixteen and this had been going on for a while, but he just could not make himself. He knew his brother, his generally too high standards at morality, and he had observed Dean over the years and in hindsight, all his quips and innuendos aside, it was a train wreck waiting to happen. Somehow they had been caught in each other's orbit, inevitably gravitating towards one another. Plus, Dean surely seemed to be a guy who knew what he wanted and would go for it, despite his young age. But other people would not see it like that. These two would just be another statistic, something to gush over and he had no idea how much John knew, but these things always left a sour aftertaste, even if Castiel would get off unscathed. He could call up one of his friends, a family lawyer, and make some general enquiries without mentioning names.
But nothing would get solved tonight. The cops hadn't kicked the door in looking for Castiel, which most likely meant that nothing had been filed- yet. He wondered what, if any, evidence John could have over his brother, as Castiel insisted they hadn't really been intimate yet, and generally kept things under wraps. Dean didn't seem the type to just go behind someone's back, especially not someone he cared about. At least that was the impression he had of the boy from the little he knew about him. He had to give him credit where it was due.
Castiel managed to somewhat pull himself together after his little breakdown. The initial shock and numbness quickly turned into worry for Dean, as he shared with his brother how his dad could be abusive and he only hoped that Bobby and Jody would keep tabs on him. And Gabriel listened, shocked that his brother carried all this by himself for years that he had actually been assaulted by John Winchester. This whole situation was so much more complicated than the 'forbidden love' he would normally have teased his brother about, if the situation had been less serious.
Gabriel managed to get a small amount of food, and a slightly larger amount of alcohol down Castiel's throat before he shipped him off to bed.
Castiel appreciated the effort, but it was not like he would be able to sleep. His hands were itching to pick up his cell and call Dean, in the feeble hope it would be him picking up but knowing better than to risk angering John. Not knowing what state the teenager was in, or what had and had not happened all the way over in Sioux Falls drove him mad as the minutes on the clock ticked by. He did not know exactly how but once they were all back in Chicago he would find a way of contacting Dean, although the thought of coming face to face with John had him break out in a cold sweat. But he needed to know that the teenager was ok. Logically, John could not have much on him if anything, and he trusted Dean. Still, Castiel was painfully aware that all it would need were some ill spoken words and hushed accusations, especially when it came to same sex relationships with an underage party involved, to make his life a misery. But he had willingly made his bed, knowing the risks involved, now he'd have to lie in it, whatever the outcome.