2008
"This is our first stop?" Ted asked as the limo pulled in outside a club with a sign above the door saying 'Okay'. "Ted, trust me, this place is the new Wrong according to Bros-Life magazine" Barney replied scouting the line for targets as he got out. "Barney really talked you into this" Marshall asked Ted in disbelief, Barney, overhearing, replies "Marshall, I convinced the queen to give me a fist-bump! Check it, the setting: Buckingham Palace, now I was actually there to score with that Kate chick but-"
"Wait, why would you be in London?" Ted asked, instantly knowing the story had no grain of truth to it. "Ted, I just said, listen when people talk" Barney replied.
"Barney, look at yourself, you're still in crutches from your bus accident, you're in no state to be going to a club" Marshall sighed, just wanting to be back home with Lily. "Oh Marshall, I only need one bone to be in working condition and my Barnacle is doing just fine" Barney laughed.
After waiting outside for what felt like hours Ted, Barney and Marshall eventually got into the club. "Now what?" Marshall could only imagine what Barney had in store for them. "We loosen up, have fun and... Oh my god, get a load of her!" Barney shouted before limping off in the direction of a young woman wiping a spilt Appletini of her shirt. Marshall sighed as he watched Barney chat up the woman. He looked around and reached the sad conclusion that they were the oldest people in the club before walking over to the bar to get drinks. After waiting in line for at least twenty minutes he finally got to speak to the bartender. Marshall considered ordering a cocktail but decided against it when he thought of the reaction it would provoke from his friends. "Yeah, hi, can I get two beers and if-" Marshall started before he was interrupted by a woman flashing her breasts at the bar. The bartender walked down the bar and Marshall got shoved to the back of the line. "I'm just back here... Waiting for those beers!" Marshall shouted knowing the bartender wasn't listening.
Barney was successfully playing off a woman's sympathy when he was interrupted by the ring of Marshall's phone from his pocket. "Go for Barney" he said as he lifted his finger up to the woman, indicating he wouldn't be long. "Barney? Where's Marshall?" lily yelled from the other end of the phone, clearly angry at Barney. "Lily! Hey, he's..." Barney glanced at Marshall looking depressed at a table "... about to have the time of his life, gotta go, enjoy your party". Barney hung up the phone and immediately went over to try and cheer Marshall up. "Marshall? Ted? What are you guys doing? You're not even trying to have fun!" He yelled.
"Barney, come on, look around, this place is lame" Ted said looking bored as people bumped and shoved him as they tried to get past. "Lame? That's a gay bar" Barney said tired of his friends acting this way, ever since Ted had gotten engaged he'd had no one to 'Bro out' with. "Let's just go, Barney, I really appreciate what you're trying to do but it's just not happening" Marshall said rising from his seat.
"Guys! Please!" Barney yelled trying to stop his friends from leaving to no prevail.
Once outside Marshall started frantically patting his pockets and Barney came up behind him smiling. "Looking for something?" Barney said holding out Marshall's phone.
"How'd do you do that!?" Marshall laughed amused at Barney's trick. Barney simply shrugged it off with a smug look on his face. Marshall was selecting Lily from his contact list when he opened the limo door and then immediately closed it with a surprised and disgusted look on his face. "What's wrong?" Ted asked confused. Marshall immediately turned to Barney and said "who is that and what is she doing in the limo?!"
"Oh good she made it. That is Violet, she does private strip shows so I cleared it with her and Ranjit to give us a show in the back of the limo! Yeah!" Barney replied looking proud. Marshall sighed and looked down at the ground.
"Come on, man, I just wanted to give you a good party, you're thirty!" Barney yelled trying to cheer up his friend. Marshall looked up surprised as if it had just occurred to him how old he was. "I'm thirty" he repeated in amazement.
"Exactly, so what do you say you get in there and let Violet do her thing!" said Barney.
"No, okay, I'm thirty, I'm too old for this, I'm too old to go to clubs, we're not in our twenties anymore, people in their thirties are buying houses and having kids and what're we doing?" Marshall sat down on the curb depressed.
"Marshall, are you okay?" Ted asked placing his hand on his friend's shoulder. "No, I'm not, me and Lily just bought a crooked apartment, Lily has mountains of credit card debt and I don't even have a job! I just thought I'd be so much further along by the time I was thirty, I thought me and Lily would have a house in the suburbs with a kid, maybe another on the way and I'd be a big time lawyer..." Marshall replied glumly. Ted and Barney looked at each other, not quite sure what to say. Barney looked at the limo and started to feel guilty. "I'm sorry, Marshall, I thought this would cheer you up" he said.
"I'm not mad at you, Barney, I'm mad at myself, it's just... all I want is a reason to put on pants in the morning" Marshall looked down at the picture of Lily on his phone and thought about all she was doing to help support him. The three friends sat in silence for a while and then suddenly Barney's face lit up.
"Dude, we haven't even given you gifts yet!" Barney said excited. Marshall looked up and said he wasn't in the mood and Barney replied "trust me, I think you'll like this". Ted and Marshall looked at Barney in anticipation only for him to say "wait for it..." and raise his hand. "My company is in the middle of a hostile takeover of Goliath National Bank and once it's over we're going to need men in the legal department..." Barney said looking ecstatic.
"Work for a bank? I don't know..." Marshall replied.
"Marshall this might not be such a bad idea, you certainly need the money, and thirty is nothing, there's still plenty of time to get a job at the NRDC and save the planet" Ted said trying to cheer up his friend. Marshall thought for a second, the idea wasn't initially appealing but Ted was right. He rose to his feet, put out his arm for a handshake from Barney and said "I'll take the job Barney!"
"A handshake? What are we two ex-lovers awkwardly reuniting out of the blue at a coffee shop? Come on, give me a high five!" Barney replied raising his hand. Marshall smiled and immediately gave Barney a high five. "Awesome! We're going to be Bro-workers again!" Barney yelled.
Marshall nodded and said "yeah, I really can't thank you enough for this, I can't wait to tell Lily"
"Hey, what're best friends for?" Barney smiled.
"Actually, I'm his best friend" said Ted.
"Sure, sure" Barney leaned in closer to Marshall and said "boy does Ted have ego issues"
A few hours later
Barney, Marshall and Ted walked through the door into the apartment only to find Robin and Lily waiting for them. "Barney! If it wasn't for your bus accident I'd be kicking your ass right now...! I took a karate class once... Kinda" Lily shouted as soon as she saw Barney.
"Lily, calm down, we actually had a nice night, we ended up going to Shinjitsu-" Marshall said before he was interrupted by Barney sneezing "bless you. Anyway, I have great news, you know that place Barney's company is taking over? GNB?" Marshall continued.
"Uhg, yeah, by the way Barney, I gotta say, working for a bank is kinda lame" Lily replied making Barney instantly angry. "How dare you!" He yelled.
"Lame?" Marshall asked.
"Well... Yeah, I mean Barney should be looking for a place were he could make a real difference, like you" Lily said smiling at Marshall "but instead he's working at a bank... Oh I'm sorry, what were you saying?" Marshall hesitated and looked at Barney. He remember how disappointed Lily was when he accepted the job at Barney's company back in 2006. "Um... I think Barney could get some money off the debt on your GNB credit card" he said glumly, he looked at Barney and sadly shrugged his shoulders. Lily smiled at Marshall and then at Barney and said "thanks Barney, that would really help out". Barney looked at Marshall and moved his head in the direction of the kitchen. Marshall understood the signal and walked into the kitchen after Barney.
"I know, I know, but she's right, she was so disappointed when I took the first job you offered me and she was so proud when I left... I don't think I can take that job" Marshall said once he entered the kitchen. Barney frowned and said "Marshall, you need this job! You need to pay for the apartment, you owe Ted money from when he sold his car, and you're going to need money if you want all that kids in the suburbs crap"
"I know you're right, but you saw her face, I can't tell her I'm going to work at GNB"
"Well... once I get a job there I'll talk up GNB in front of Lily and get her to see how awesome it is"
"I don't know" Marshall hesitated.
"You know you what this, Marshall, you were so excited when I offered you the job outside Okay, and if you're happy, won't Lily be happy?"
"Yeah... I guess... and it would be nice to wear pants again..." Marshall replied still hesitating.
"Well... We'll have to get you better pants but yeah, and don't worry about that i'll take you to my tailor again!"
"Are you crazy? I'm still paying him from last time"
"So... Are you taking the job?" Barney asked.
Marshall thought for a second and then said "yes" as a smile broke out on his face. Barney's face lit up.
"Barney Stinson allllllways gets the yes" he laughed as he exited the kitchen.
"Marshall, are you okay?" Ted said entering the kitchen with his hands behind his back. Marshall looked at his friend and smiled "yeah... Yeah, I am". Ted returned his smile and said "great, listen, I got you something" as he revealed a book in his hand. He extended his arm out and Marshall grabbed the book. The title on the book read 'A look back at Bigfoot sightings: Where is he now?'. A big grin broke out across Marshall's face and he excitedly said "Ted do you have any idea what this book could do for us?! We could be the ones to find Bigfoot!"
"Wait, I thought you were Bigfoot?" Ted laughed. Marshall laughed in response and thanked Ted for the book. "And Marshall, I know you're not as far along in your life as you thought you'd be but nobody is, everyone feels this way when they turn thirty" said Ted.
"You didn't, you loved your thirtieth" Marshall replied.
"Well yeah, but that's because I can't wait to get old, but it was still hard, I mean I look at you and Lily and, come on, you guys are both so lucky" Ted smiled.
Marshall looked into the other room and Lily and felt a lot better as he realised Ted was right "yeah, yeah we are".
"So, look at us, we're just a bunch of people in their thirties, you're married, I'm engaged, we're so... Old" Ted laughed.
"Well, don't forget about Robin" Marshall said, thinking about how Robin would deal with her thirtieth...