A/N: So sorry it took me this long to get this out. But in my defence, I had the whole chapter finished about two weeks ago, hated it, and basically rewrote the whole thing (after stewing a few days over the unfairness that I had to scrap 6000+ words). The way I had this bit of the story planned out suddenly didn't make much sense in light of the overall story, and as I always try to strive for continuity, I felt I had no other option but to get rid of it and instead go with the obvious choice with regards to the whistle-blower. I hope it won't take away from the overall impact of the chapter.
I just keep my fingers crossed that you will find the way I have taken the story satisfactory (in a good and a bad way, as there will be some drama here, but nothing that can't be resolved, I promise)
"Do you know a Dean Winchester?"
Castiel swallowed back the sudden lump in his throat. On the surface, the question came across as innocent, delivered without indication as to any deeper meaning, as the officers looked at him with a fairly friendly, albeit guarded, expression, But regardless, Castiel felt cold tendrils of panic creep up his spine, threatening to choke him. He tried his utmost to keep the onslaught of emotions hidden; to maintain a neutral appearance, only allowing a slight hint of curious confusion to shine through, while his mind was spinning. He was quickly weighing up the options, calculating how much of the truth he should convey, how much these people might know already. They kept staring at him, and he realized he needed to say something, and quick- before his silence in itself would raise suspicions. In that split moment he decided it would be best to stick as close to the truth as possible without implicating himself.
"Yes." He replied simply, holding the officers gaze.
They nodded at him in response, faces still irksomely blank.. However, Castiel was well aware that every move he made was being scrutinized. The male officer cleared his throat, "Do you mind if we step inside for a minute rather than do this out here?"
"Of course, yes. Do come in." Castiel rather not have the whole neighborhood be privy to this conversation. He waved them into the house and steered them towards the living room, sitting down on the armchair and offering the couch to the two cops. He swallowed audibly, eyeing the two strangers sitting opposite him with trepidation.
"May I- What does this relate to- is everything ok with Dean?" Castiel looked at them wide-eyed, a new surge of panic gripping him. He had been caught off-guard by the officers appearance and hadn't even considered the possibility that something might have happened to Dean.
"As far as we know, Mr. Winchester is well." The cops seemed slightly surprised by Castiel's near outburst, but soon enough calm and calculating eyes came to rest on him again, and Castiel had to try his best not to fidget. He felt like he was a specimen under a microscope.
"So, in what capacity do you know Dean Winchester?" The female officer leaned forward slightly; again with that sharp stare that had Castiel's skin crawl.
"His family used to live across the street. He and his brother had a bit of a rough time and me and my then wife took them under our wings. Guess it's fair to say that Dean and I became friends over the years."
The officers nodded. "From what we have on our records the family doesn't live here anymore and- are you still in contact with this Dean?"
"Yes, we are. As I said, we are friends and after his family moved we stayed in contact." Castiel crossed his legs and placed his hands on his knee to stop them from twitching, as he tried to give the officers some form of a friendly smile.
They stayed silent for a minute, shuffling some papers, and Castiel started to wonder whether that was some passive aggressive tactic of unnerving the subject of interrogation. If it was, it was definitely working. Castiel could feel his pulse speed up when thankfully at long last the female officer spoke again. "Isn't it a bit unusual for someone your age to have a friendship with someone so much younger?"
Castiel was getting exasperated by this tip-toeing, working his hands through his hair. He had a hard time not to just freak and was quickly getting tired of skirting around the issue of what he assumed the officers were really here to talk about.
"Yes, you could say that, although I am sure not unheard off. We found out over the years that we have quite a few interests in common despite the age difference. Dean is a very bright young individual." He took in a gulp of air, straightening his posture and locking eyes with the female officer, who seemed to be the one asking most of the questions. "Look, please just give it to me straight, what are these allegations that have been made against my person, because I take it that is what you really want to talk about."
The male officer fiddled with some forms in a folder. "We received a call from CPS yesterday afternoon. They had been informed that there was reasonable cause for concern with regards to you having taken advantage of a vulnerable youth and possibly engaged them in sexual activities, one accusation dating as far back as-" The man checked his papers again, "four years ago, Christmas to be precise, which would make Mr. Winchester thirteen at the time."
Castiel's mouth dropped open. Not that he hadn't expected something along these lines from the moment he set eyes on the two officers. At the same time, he had not expected this. Of everything that had transpired between Dean and him - and he was only too aware that he had messed up somewhere along the way, something he could not change - someone was actually accusing him of one thing that he had most definitely not done. But still, hearing it like that, making him out to just be some hardened sex offender, made him squirm and his stomach churn.
"What? I never- Who would- I haven't- Who would accuse me of something like this?" He stuttered, honest indignation working itself into the tone of his voice, as he tried to keep his wits about himself. How were people even supposed to react to such accusations, as unfounded as they may be, at least in their overall assessment of the situation. He had never thought of Dean as anything other than the neighbor's kid back then, would never- Why would someone fabricate an actual lie?
"The call was made by a Mr. Alan Chambers. Castiel let out a humorless huff, letting the name sink in. Ever since that chance meeting at the cinema he hadn't been able to shake a slight niggling feeling at the back of his mind. Was it just spite or did his ex really have any proof, which really, he could not have; also something didn't add up.
"I did not even know Alan four years ago.." He realized he mumbled that out loud as he shook his head, when the officer cleared her throat, garnering his attention once more.
"Well, he did cite a Mr.-" She shuffled through some more papers, " Balthazar and Raphael Novak as eye witnesses to some happenings back in 2011. From what we understand you are related."
"My brothers, yes." Castiel grumbled, not hiding the bitterness in his voice. He just couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did Alan actually get in contact with his family? After everything he knew about how much they despised Castiel and his sexuality. Castiel felt a stab of betrayal pierce through him, hurting more than the actual accusations. His family would never be ok with him being gay, he had accepted that, and God, he did not need reminding of the tangled up mess he got himself into with regards to acting on his feelings for Dean too soon. Despite of how far they had come, he still despised himself for that some days. If he had just been a bit stronger he surely would not be in this mess now. But that aside, could any of them really believe him to be that. Nothing more than a vulture molesting a kid, because that was all that Dean had been to him back then. Castiel just wanted to close his eyes and for all of this to go away. His rapidly hammering pulse made him dizzy, at the same time giving him a stabbing pain in his right temple.
But he knew he couldn't just fold in on himself. For all that he had done wrong, this had not been part of it and he would not go down without a fight, despite his brain unhelpfully providing that in some small twisted sort of way they had a point. His thoughts circled back around to any possible evidence. Really, there was no way either Alan or his brothers would have any. Alan could certainly accuse him of having been unusually close to Dean. But there was no way he could even know about the rare kisses they traded back then, nor of the way Castiel had fought tooth and nail to do the right thing, for Dean and himself. As for his brothers, the only 'proof' they might have was his and Dean's interactions over the summer, and hate it as they may, Dean was old enough then. The only person who knew about the whole picture was Gabriel, and would he-? No, he trusted his brother and would not let fear grip him and jump to conclusions.
The officers stared at him with blank faces, probably waiting for him to say something.
"And you believe them why?" Castiel uttered still shaking his head in disbelief.
"Mr. Novak, we are not at this point saying that there is much merit in these allegations, but as you can certainly understand, being as this is a delicate issue and very serious in its nature, we always have to take allegations such as these seriously. Mr. Chambers has a background of working with vulnerable children through his church work and as such we have an obligation, and if anything, Dean's past does not paint a picture of a well-adjusted individual, which raises questions. Also, when accusations come from within members of the family, who as far as we understand are very respected members of their community, it would be negligent of us not to investigate."
Castiel couldn't hide the derisive huff. His brothers, the upstanding and respected members of their community. Playing by some hardened self-imposed rules, leaving compassion about anyone who is not as perfect as they were by the wayside. Most likely they would have anyone who was asked about them sing their praises. Well, his family had always good a keeping the perfect façade.
"Mr. Novak? Have you got anything to add?"
Castiel tried to compose himself, not to let anger and frustration get the better of him. "Yes, I have actually. I do not know if Mr. Chambers disclosed this information, but he and I used to be in a relationship and we did not end on the best of terms. And while I never would have had him down as a spiteful person, I might have to revise my opinion of him. And as for my oh so respectable brothers- they have never made a secret of how much they despise me for my- as they would call it, lifestyle choice. Most of my family, are extremely religious and as such have been harboring bad feelings towards me and my sexuality for years. I have no idea why they would say the things they said, but unfortunately I wouldn't put it past them to use this as a way of teaching me a lesson and Mr. Chambers contacting them with these ludicrous claims might have been just what they were looking for. As for Dean, of course he is a troubled youth, losing his mother when he was so young and having a drunk for a father, having to look out for his little brother, that puts a lot of strain on a young soul. And where have you, or the school, or anyone been then? At least I did what I could at the time." Castiel griped, barely able to contain his anger, which maddeningly just seemed to wash straight over the two cops, making him even more furious. He immediately worried that he might have said too much, some of these issues Dean had always been very cagey about. Also pushing these cops was probably not his brightest moment. Luckily, they appeared nonplussed by any of this.
"So, to summaries, you claim that you have not engaged in illegal activities with Dean Winchester while he was underage, and was reliant, at least to an extent, on your care for himself and his brother. That your ex-partner and your brothers made up this story just to mess with you and that there is no ground for concern?"
"Yes. A smear campaign if nothing else."
"May I ask you as to the reason for your break-up with Mr. Chambers." The female officer looked him dead in the eyes.
Castiel stalled for a second. He had no idea what, if any, Alan might have told them about their time together, or what inferences he might have drawn since then as to the reason for their break-up.
"I do not see how this is relevant to the current investigation."
"Of course you do not have to answer, but it might help if you would humor us," she interjected.
Castiel shrugged. "Relationships fail. I realized that we were not as compatible as I had hoped, and I wanted to end it before either of us might get too invested. But I will say this, Alan never liked Dean, as to the reasons you have to ask him yourself, and when we recently met and he saw us still being friends- maybe he despised that fact."
"And you are, in fact, just friends? Because according to Mr. Chambers it appeared like your two were rather close in your interactions."
"Yes. I don't know what Alan thought he saw, plus I don't see how any current interactions between me and Dan would reflect our interactions in the past. As for my brothers- all I can think of is that they saw Dean accompany me to the funeral and somehow decided to draw their own conclusions; the rest is just made up because as far as they are concerned a homosexual and a sexual predator are basically the same thing. Or to turn this around- why else would they sit on such 'vital' information for almost four years, if they really were so concerned about my dealings with Dean? Have you asked yourself this question?"
"Yes, of course. This is something that will need to be addressed. There are a lot of loose ends and questions. That is why we are conducting this interview unofficially, a fact finding mission, if you want."
The rustling sound of more shuffling of papers worked its way under Castiel's skin as the officers conversed quietly for a moment.
"Just to be crystal clear here, because I do not want to relay anything wrong, you are in fact denying these allegations in their totality and are stating that nothing untoward happened between you and Dean Winchester while he was legally below the age of consent."
"Yes. That is exactly what I am saying." Castiel prayed he sounded resolute in his exclamation. He sure didn't feel like it.
"I will put this on record for now and feed the information back to the CPS." The officer scribbled something at the bottom of one of the papers. Castiel still felt the eyes of his female colleague observe him closely. His heart was going a hundred miles a minute but he thought he did an adequate job of keeping his face calm.
"Just one last question. Why would Dean Winchester accompany you to the funeral? It seems like a rather personal occasion."
"Because as I already stated multiple times, we are friends and he offered to support me through a difficult time, especially with regards to my strained relationship with my family, which he is aware of. I would have done the same thing for him in a heartbeat if the situation had been reversed."
The officers both nodded in acknowledgement. "I think this will be all for now. But I will have to ask you to keep yourself available for any possible follow up questions. More enquiries will have to be made with Dean and his family and see if they corroborate your story."
"Of course."
"Thank you for your time Mr. Novak." They said politely, even holding out their hands for Castiel to shake. But he could see it, the judgment just hidden behind their friendly front. In their eyes he was already a suspect, guilty until proven innocent. Just another one of those sick weirdos that would need putting away.
Still, Castiel gave a small nod and shook each of their hands in turn before walking them to the door. Only once he heard their car start did he allow himself to slump against the wall, gulping in air of which he suddenly couldn't get enough into his lungs. His hands started to shake as he processed everything that had happened in the last fifteen minutes. Soon the overwhelmed feeling and fear turned to anger, white hot and furious, coiling in his gut. How dared they do this to him? His brothers sinking this low was not really much of a surprise, but Alan- they had been through so much. He had been there, seen Castiel at his lowest, struggle with the very notion of his sexuality and the rift it caused with his family. And what- now, after seeing him and Dean being friendly at the cinema, he suddenly had suspicions. Fuck that.
With trembling hands he pulled out his phone and scrolled down, pretty sure he for some reason never got round to delete the number he was looking for.
Before his rage could give way to panic and self-flagellation, he pressed the call button.
A male voice answered after the third ring.
"How dare you!" Castiel shot out, not even waiting for a 'Hello'.
A long sigh on the other end let Castiel know that Alan knew this was most definitely not a friendly call.
"Castiel, listen, I had no-."
"Bullshit!" Castiel didn't even flinch at the crude language. Too worked up to care. "You out of the blue decide- without any proof, I might add, that I am some monster that takes advantage of children and-"
"Not out of the blue-" Alan supplied feebly.
"No? What then? You just conveniently sat on these suspicions until you saw me and Dean last week and-"
"To be perfectly blunt, I had my suspicions back then but did not want to entertain them. I thought you to be a good person, maybe I was too close to be objective. But the way you and Dean interacted even back then, was not how an adult and a kid should interact. There was just something very off about your behavior. But I put it down to his messed up family situation and the way you got caught up in it. But seeing you with him at the cinema- and don't even try to deny that there is a relationship there, the kid basically worships you- What was I supposed to think? That nothing happened between you two in the past? That somehow Dean just had this unrequited crush and you did nothing to encourage it? And now magically you are together? That was not what I was seeing!"
"So instead of talking to me you went straight to my brothers, despite knowing how much they abhor me. My brothers for goodness sake! You know they will say anything if it suits their purpose, and you know what their purpose is with regards to me. How could you even believe a word they said? Do I really strike you as a pedophile?" Castiel was pretty much yelling at this point, body coiled tight with rage.
"Do I want to believe that you would be capable some something like that. No! But there is a vulnerable teenager involved and I did what I had to, possibly should have done a long time ago. I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror. I have seen and heard some tough shit working with children over this last year and believe me, most abusers don't look anything like what the population at large wants to believe. On the contrary, they're nice and respectful and generally blend it. I still hope I'm wrong, and if you have nothing to hide, you will be cleared-"
"You know as well as me how easy it is for something like this to stick- guilty or not-" Castiel cut in. "You're basically accusing me of something just because you don't get the kind of friendship Dean and I have and-"
"That's why I went to your family - I know the relationship is strained and did not disclose my actual worries, but when you brother said he saw you two act weirdly in the past, how evasive you had been with regards to questions about Dean back then, how odd you both interacted that Christmas…"
"You know, if you didn't want to talk to me, you could at least have talked to Dean if you were really that concerned for his safety. He sure as hell needed help back when his dad was basically beating him into a pulp just for liking guys. Where was your concern then? Yes, I hurt you with the way we broke up, but you just disappeared, not sparing him or Sam another thought."
"You can't put that on me." Alan snapped, quickly losing his composure by the sound of his voice. "In case you forgot, I was the one who wanted to report his father to the police, but both you and Dean were dead set against it. I can't help but wonder why?!" He said accusingly.
"Because Dean didn't want his family to get broken up. Risk him and his brother ending up in different foster homes. It's not hard to understand, is it? No weird, sinister motive, just the plain obvious. And you know what, when this has all blown over I think I might just want to sue you for slander." Castiel gritted out, clutching the phone so tightly, he feared he might crush it.
"You can't honestly blame me for just doing what any decent human being would do If you thought a kid might have been abused would you just sit by? If anything, I blame myself for not having investigated it sooner, just chose to ignore the signs, like too many people out there do. And there is such a thing as grooming, plenty of ways to get someone to do what you want them to without having to use force. That's why Dean might not be a reliable narrator and why it is best for the experts to look into this. They know what to look for, Dean is-"
Now Castiel was livid. "Dean has been through enough, and he sure as hell doesn't need some people messing his life up yet again. You don't even have any idea what this might do to him, how he almost self-destructed last year-" And Castiel had to bite his lip to stop himself from disclosing too much, how John had tried to keep them apart and how it almost broke Dean. "Well, if this pushes him over the edge, I promise I will come after you. In short- fuck you Alan, for even thinking me capable of this, and for listening to my brothers rather than me and for basically taking a shot at ruining my life. I hope you're happy now!"
Castiel disconnected the call. He hadn't even realized his while body was shaking. He suddenly felt completely drained, dizzy and his stomach was convulsing. Lies and deceit, that was all there was. Even his words to Alan had to be carefully weighted and were all lies in the end. Lies and half-truths! Because when it came down to the cold hard facts, he did have relations with an underage kid. The law stood firm on this point and wouldn't really care that Dean was nearly seventeen and not thirteen at the time, and definitely mature enough as a person to consent. Castiel had not been joking when he said he was worried how this turn of events might affect Dean, but to be perfectly honest, he was petrified about what this could do to him.
All his life and choices suddenly lay down in shambles around him and Castiel just about made it to the bathroom before he heaved up the contents of his stomach into the toilet, tears stinging in his eyes. Why did this have to happen now? They had almost made it, were finally in safe waters only for the past to catch up to them in the most ludicrous of ways.
Castiel ended up huddled on the cold tiles, back propped against the wall and hugging his knees. He started to rock back and forth, trying to get in some air through too fast and shallow breaths, knowing the panic attack for what it was but unable to do anything about it other than to succumb to it.
#
"Hey Jody. This just came in from Chicago. Thought you might want to have a look at it. You know the Winchester family, don't you?"
Jody looked up from where she was perched over some paperwork. The name having all kinds of alarm bells ring. Things had been going well lately, what could possibly have them in trouble again?
"What is it?" She took the fax from the hand of the deputy and skimmed over it, the blood in her veins turning to ice.
"Oh." Shit, this was not good. There in front of her was a request for an interview with Dean Winchester (and family) with regard to allegations of childhood abuse, and not the kind she at times would have liked to see John Winchester go down for. Castiel Novak, the name hit her over the head like a sledge hammer. How had this happened? Had John finally said something? But no, she was sure he would have told her, or Bobby at least. Also- she read over the report and felt sick, some of this was dating back almost four years. Had she misread the situation between Dean and Castiel all along? Was there really cause for concern? What did this mean for Dean?
Was reality finally catching up with her? Jody felt like being caught between a rock and a hard place, because if this turned into a proper investigation, could she keep quiet about what she knew? No matter how much Dean would, no doubt, beg her, would that not stand against everything she had vowed to protect? But also, in the end she actually did not know much. Dean was legal now and there was nothing stopping him from pursuing a relationship with Castiel, and what really went on between these two before, she probably would never know, and didn't want to know if she was being honest- unless Castiel would turn out to be exactly the kind of person both he and Dean had so adamantly insisted he wasn't. In which case she herself would bring hell down on the man.
Jody had no doubt, going by past experiences, that Dean would flip when he heard about this. Especially if some nameless officer turned up at his doorstep. Shit. Right now she needed to do damage limitation and worry about the rest later.
"You think there is any merit to this? God, I hate child molesters." The deputy commented too cheerfully for Jody's liking. Like it was just another day at the office. Which for him it obviously was.
"No." She answered resolutely, cutting any gossip off before it could get started. She had to believe this truth for now. "I know this man and about his relations with the Winchesters. I'm sure it's all just a big misunderstanding. But of course we need to investigate. I will go and talk to them."
"Sheriff. With all due respect, should not someone else do this, as you are- you know- personally affected."
"I can take someone with me if you prefer, but I know Dean and he will not talk to just anyone, and especially not the police after his recent clashes with the law." That seemed to appease the deputy.
Jody said she needed to get some paperwork finished and then she and Deputy Raymond would head over to the Winchesters house to ask a few (delicately phrased, as she insisted) questions and hopefully clear this up quick and easy. She excused herself to use the bathroom and the second the door closed she messaged Dean, briefly appraising him of the situation and urging him to delete the message after. She really was putting her neck on the line here. If anyone would look at her phone records they would see her contacting Dean just before the visit. She reasoned with herself that she was doing it all for Dean's benefit. If she had any doubt whatsoever that Dean was not in this relationship with the older man one hundred percent of his own free will, she would not hesitate to blow the whistle. But she had promised the teenager to trust him and even her strong commitment for her work could not make her go back on that promise, not unless some irrefutable evidence would surface.
#
"Maybe we should do this with a responsible adult present." Deputy Raymond said, eyeing Dean warily. The boy looked like he was one second away from killing someone, hardly contained rage at the accusations visible on his face, no matter how lightly Jody had tried to word them. The sheriff shook her head at her colleague, having briefly filled him in on the family's history and her own opinion that having John present at this stage would do more harm than good, because of the delicate stale-mate between father and son with regards to Dean's sexuality. She was fully aware that if this went any further, John would get questioned and that he was one loaded gun just waiting to go off.
"This is bullshit!" Dean yelled, kicking over the chair he just jumped up from and pacing the length of the small kitchen.
"Dean-"
"Mr. Winchester, calm down please." Jody and her colleague exclaimed at the same time. Jody could see the ticking time bomb for what it was. Dean's jaw was clenched so hard, his muscles were twitching.
"Don't feed me this crap and then expect me to calm down." Dean got up into the officer's face.
"Please, sit down. I don't want to have to use force." The officer glared back.
Jody jumped up, grabbing Dean by the shoulder. "Now, I don't think that will be necessary, right Dean?" She looked at him with the best mom face she could muster. Dean gulped, still staring at Officer Raymond like he was to blame for this, but nodded his head.
"You can take those fabricated accusations and stick them where the sun don't shine because non of this shit is true."
"DEAN!" Jody looked at him sternly, hoping he would get the message that his behavior is not currently helping himself or Cas.
"Yeah, sorry Jody." Dean looked sufficiently chastised as he studied the wall just behind the woman's shoulder.
"Just please, if you could tell us in your own words about your involvement with Castiel Novak, and know you are safe here to say anything that's on your mind." Jody coaxed gently, quietly communicating to her fellow officer that it would probably be best if she asked the questions.
"You know- We used to be neighbors. He looked out for me and Sammy when no-one else would and he's definitely not some weirdo pervert- he didn't force himself on me or anything. We're friends, nothing more to it." He swallowed hard around his emotions. He just prayed that whatever bull he was feeding them would match up with anything Cas might say if anyone would come and ask questions, which was likely. He had tried to call the man the second he received Jody's message but Cas hadn't answered.
The reluctance to say any more on the matter was clearly written all over his face as he stared down Officer Douche, poignantly avoiding Jody's gaze, not wanting to see any possible doubt in them. Last thing he needed was her to question his relationship with Cas. She pretty much was the only person Dean could count on, apart from Sammy, but he was a snotty thirteen year old. Not someone who could take on the whole of the law enforcement if need be.
"I understand this can be a hard topic, if you are more comfortable we could have you talk to one of our youth counselors-" Officer Douche tried, going for the 'We are just concerned about you' voice.
"And I would tell them exactly the same. Because there is nothing else to tell. Do I look like someone who would just roll over and let someone take what they want?" Dean gritted out through clenched teeth.
"Well, if these eye-witnesses are to be trusted, this would go back to where you clearly were still a child and-"
"Let me stop you right there. I don't know what these stupid-ass witnesses claim to have seen because there was nothing to see! Why don't you do something productive with your time and go and help kids who are actually in trouble, like homeless or forced into prostitution or some crap- but probably that's too much hassle. It's easier to try and get a easy win on your books, no matter if any of it is true! Man, I'm not gonna deal with this shit!" Dean snarled.
"Dean, please." Jody implored, hoping to relay in her tone that this might all go away a lot easier if he would just cooperate. Dean took a deep breath before looking up at her in silent surrender.
"Just so we can send a report back to Chicago, please tell us in your own words, calmly if possible, what exactly your affiliation to Castiel Novak is, and whether you ever felt like he actively, or by manipulation, tried to get you to do something you were not comfortable with." Jody chose her words carefully, attempted to make it easier for Dean to answer as truthfully as possible.
Dean looked at Jody and nodded his head. If he wanted to help Cas (and their relationship) he had to calm down and cooperate and most of all choose his words carefully.
#
An hour later, Jody and Officer Raymond were back at the station. Jody was busy filling out the report, outlining in great detail that according to Dean Winchester there was no ground to these allegations (rephrasing some of the more colorful language he had used), the nature of their unusual but healthy friendship and that based on her, and her fellow officer's, professional observations, it didn't appear like Dean was distressed (well apart from being upset about the accusations against a friend) or otherwise impaired in his judgment, nor did he seem under any duress to stretch the truth or withhold information.
Uneasiness about the fact that she was withholding certain information herself was a constant buzz in the back of her mind. But she placated her conscience with the excuse that Dean basically had promised on his life that there was no truth whatsoever in any of this. She had managed to pull the teenager aside for a brief moment while her colleague was using the bathroom. Laying out all her personal grievances, she had implored him to tell her truthfully if anything untoward, no matter how small, had perspired between Castiel and him before last year. Dean had opened up to her more than he ever had, maybe and act of desperation, but she believed him when he said that if anything, it had been him who had a crush on Cas at the time in question, and had whished there to be more, maybe even tried to push the issue. He was adamant that never, ever had Cas done anything more than be a good neighbor and friend back then, supported him and Sammy when things got bad at home on a regular basis, and even gently rebuked his advances.
He begged her to make this go away and to not tell his dad about any of this, feared John might get the idea to put in his two cents. And against her professional judgment she went with her instinct. Dean clearly cared very deeply for this man, more than an average seventeen year old had a right to, and she could not take that away from him again, not unless there was some tangible evidence. But the more she read over the statements, the more she wondered how much of it was just vengeful fabrication. Nothing more than vague dates and hearsay. Definitely not enough to build a case on its own.
#
"Dean, you gotta calm down!" Sam eyed his brother warily from where he was perched on his bed, the math homework that rested on his lap long forgotten, as he tried to talk some sense into his brother.
"I can't. Why doesn't he answer his damn phone? He always answers his phone at this time." Dean was pacing the small length of their room and pressed the call button again, for what feels like the hundredth time in the last hour.
"If you keep this up, dad's gonna hear you and no doubt wants to know what's going on. You definitely don't want that!"
"I know- just, what if they got to him? Taken him away. I'm sure people get done for less." Dean furiously ran his fingers through his short strands.
"Maybe he's just busy. Doesn't mean something bad has happened, I'm sure they can't just go around arresting people-."
"Sammy. Stop. I know you're trying to help but just- this is bad, ok." Dean's whole body was shaking. He needed to know that Cas was ok, that he hadn't been taken away by some overzealous asshole, who arrested first and asked questions later. He just needed to hear his voice. Oh, and when he found those bastards who did this to him- them, he already had at least half a dozen scenarios of kicking their asses planned out in his mind.
At long last, after another hour of fruitless attempts and a dozen messages, and some cigarettes Dean had stored away in the back of his closet - it was either smoking or try and procure some alcohol, something, anything to calm his nerves - the man finally answered.
"Fuck, Cas!" Dean sighed with relief. "Are you ok? Have they- has anyone- " He stumbled over his words.
"I'm alright, Dean." Cas voice sounded raspy and shaky and just wrong.
"You don't sound it." Dean accused, not realizing how his own voice was high pitched and just short of panicky.
"No you're right, I am most definitely not alright, not that it makes a fucking difference." Castiel snapped immediately regretting it. It was not Dean's fault that his whole life was in tatters.
"Woah. No need to get pissy. I'm just worried." Dean said defensively. Cas really didn't sound like himself and he could guess only too well as to why that was.
"I'm sorry Dean, just- it's all getting to me."
"I know. I-"
"I take it someone has been to see you as well." Castiel sighed, and pulled the blanket he had draped over his legs up to his waist. It had taken him over an hour to calm down enough to just leave the bathroom. He felt drained and just overall worn-out. He had been too tired to even think about calling Dean or to check his phone. Didn't even have the energy to call his brothers and give them a piece of his mind, not that it would have changed anything. It was by chance that he heard it buzzing as he tried to huddle up on the couch.
"Yeah, some idiot deputy who asked way too many questions about you- and us. Luckily Jody was there to keep him in line."
"Oh- and does she-?"
"Believe any of this? Dunno but I don't think so, she kinda gave me the heads up earlier, glad she did or I would have legit freaked. But man, I still don't get what is actually going on. Who would come up with this crap now? It's just so- unfair!" Dean slumped on his bed, closing his eyes, taking in a deep breath.
"Alan and my dear brothers cooked this one up." Cas huffed, sounding too resigned for Dean's liking.
"What? I'm gonna kill those fuckers-"
"Dean! You will do no such thing. Please, lashing out in frustration will not help us at all. We need to keep calm and just stick to what we always said we would tell people- god I hate all this lying-" Castiel heaved a sigh, chest still feeling too tight.
"What? And let them get away with this?"
"No, just we need to be smart about it. While their version of events doesn't hold much truth, we did nonetheless engage in sexual activities before you were of age, and we just cannot risk to rock the boat."
"But they don't have anything, right? There's no way they know about that! I mean, they're just making this shit up, and- you're not really gonna get into trouble, Cas, right? Oh god- I'm so sorry." Dean felt his throat close up as the reality of any possible repercussions for Cas finally caught of with him . What a fucking mess this all had become. And he couldn't help but feel like he was to blame for it. If he only hadn't pushed Cas so hard, had listened to the man's reservations, he'd actually fucking told him about the potential dangers, they would not be here. Then again, it didn't take much to spread rumors, if someone wanted to come after them, all they needed would be to fabricate some lies, as was clearly the case.
"You have nothing to apologies for! If anything-" Castiel chocked back a sob.
"What is it? Cas, talk to me" Dean begged.
"I- it's me that- I just can't shake the feeling that in part they're right and if only I hadn't-"
Cas, stop this now, please!" Dean saw Sammy swivel round to look at him, concern clearly visible in his gaze. Bless his little brother, he had at least pretended to give him some privacy for this conversation, until now. Dean gave him a tired smile, that must have fallen short of being convincing if Sam's look was to be trusted.
He sighed. "I thought we've been over this We BOTH agreed on this relationship, so don't you dare put this all on you now- unless-" Dean swallowed hard, not wanting to say those words but they came out anyway. "You don't regret it, do you?" He hated the way his voice was wavering, disliked sounding so weak on front of his little brother.
"What? No, of course not. Never doubt that. Just- don't you sometimes wish we had gone about this all different-"
"Cas, what are you saying?"
"I don't know- nothing. Just- Dean, I'm scared, for me- for you, and I don't want to give them any more reasons to dig around our past and-" Castiel took a second. "I think we just have to be extra careful for a while, until this blows over."
"But they can't prove anything and I'm old enough now and-" Dean's stumbled over his words.
"I know, just having those cops questioning me- if anything sticks, this could ruin my life or at the very least my career and until we know for sure they have nothing concrete-"
"They don't or I'm sure they would have used it." Dean tried to reassure, mentally going over the last few years, whether there was anything that could implement them, then with a blinding clarity landing on his old phone.
"Fuck."
"What is it?"
"My dad- I mean my cell- I have to find out if he held on to it and if so, get it back."
Castiel sucked in a breath, Dean could basically feel the tension through the line.
"Hey, I'm gonna take care of that don't worry. Just- don't give up on us, please."
A humorless chuckle came through the line. "As if I could ever do that, Dean Winchester."
"Good, because you're stuck with me." Dean tried for light humor despite the ache in his chest. "So what now?" He added tentatively.
"Lying low and reiterating the story as many times as they ask us, until this will go away."
"Lying low?"
"Basically do what we did before, be friends, be there for one another. Just no more public displays of affection or anything of the sort for the time being. Probably we have to think really carefully about when we should next meet-"
"Cas-" Dean interrupted, pleadingly.
"No, please Dean- I know it is not ideal, and I'm not implying that we can't see each other at all. All I'm saying we might need to play it by ear for a while, think long term. Anyway, you need to focus on your schooling, you are doing so well and I don't want this to interfere. But I love you. Don't doubt that."
He tried to hold back a sniffle. Whether he liked it or not Cas was right.
"Ok- I hate it when you're right." Dean reluctantly agreed with a chuckle, but it was a hollow sound. He promised Cas he would make sure to find that phone and they arranged to catch up tomorrow before finally disconnecting the call.
Dean stared at the ceiling for a long time, while he tried to get the swirl of emotions under control. Sammy, thankfully, remained quiet, as if he knew that Dean needed to work through this in his own time. Eventually he turned to face his little brother, mind made up. First things first, he had something to do, a phone to find.
"Sammy, I need your help."