A/N - Not sure if this is the end. In some ways, it feels very final, and in other ways, not so much. I will say that for those of you who felt there was absolutely no hope at the end of the first chapter, you may feel slightly encouraged now.
Disclaimer - I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this story. They are the property of Marvel Studios.
So many stars, they punctured the veil of the cool, quiet night as she drove, ever onward. A siren crooned to her through the speakers in the dashboard, soothing her jittery nerves as the GPS device confirmed that she had just a few more miles to go. Lana Del Ray had always been one of her favorites, and on this night, "Ride" had an entirely eerie and poignant meaning. Her trip had been both complex and lengthy—a cab, two planes, and finally, a rental car. Such a vast distance had been traveled, but she was very close and the end was in sight.
She lost herself in the music, humming along while focusing on the uneven desert surface that she cruised carefully over. The tiny screen flashed, alerting her that she had reached her desired coordinates. Such seemingly unimportant numbers filled the display, 35º 23' 4" -106º 0' 13", and yet they were something substantial and meaningful to her. A point of divergence, they marked the spot where the tide of her life had turned.
She brought the car to a stop, cutting the engine and headlights off, as she gave her eyes several minutes to adjust to the darkness. Luckily, an almost full moon hung in the sky, and she could make out the shapes of a few cacti and shrubs that resided here. She slid the car door open, her feet denting the sandy ground on which she stood. Tranquil and undisturbed, this place was the complete opposite of her existence since Thor had fallen from this very sky.
She crawled onto the trunk of the car, leaning back against the glass of the rear window. The slope of the sedan was not completely comfortable, but a back pain or two would be worth this breathtaking view. Thousands of twinkling lights dazzled her, shimmering and trembling in a dance of brilliance, as the moon, in all its rounded glory, seemed a heavenly ballet mistress. The show the night sky provided was not her reason for coming here; it was just an awesome bonus, and she would enjoy it no less.
Alone, she thought, and she should enjoy the peace while it lasted. She was steeped in solitude out here amongst the barren land, and that was nothing new. An only child, a dork in high school, a loner in college—she had always kept to herself, counting her cleverness and devil-may-care nature as her only necessary companions. That had been the status quo until Jane and her project. At one time, she had believed in coincidences, but now, she knew better. The Vikings once thought that "gods" walked amongst them, but it was all a matter of perspective. Aliens existed, other worlds existed, and coincidences were just fate's means to lie.
Clearly, for whatever reason, she had been placed upon a path; and she would follow it, while remaining true to herself. Growing up, her father had read to her from books by Tolstoy and Thoreau, and his favorite quote had been the work of Emerson. She could still hear his voice calling to her during important moments, "Life is a journey, not a destination." When he passed, she had made sure it was inscribed on his headstone, and than she had it tattooed over her heart. And, most certainly, her recent life had been one hell of a journey.
A gentle breeze shifted a few errant curls down across her face, and she reached to corral them. Instead, pale and perfectly manicured fingers flashed in her periphery as they brushed her temple and tucked the wayward strands behind her ear.
"Did I not tell you to stay in New York?"
Rich and warm, a symphony to her heart, his voice awoke things deep within her. Remembering to breathe, she smiled but it did not reach her eyes. "If I did so, you never would have come out of hiding."
A flash of amusement lit his face, but a determined scowl quickly replaced it. "Hiding? I've simply been honoring our arrangement. Which you have decided to nullify by coming here."
The past few weeks had been entirely Loki-free, but they had not necessarily been easy. At first, she had resigned herself to misery, but she had always been self-indulgent, and eventually, she succumbed and accepted her weakness for him. She was fairly certain that missing him entitled her to one membership in the bat-shit insane club, but, God help her, she had missed him. At some very weak point, she had even begged Thor to intercede on her behalf. But, Loki had stayed gone, true to his word. She realized it was going to take drastic measures to get him to come out, and she had been right. Leaving had defied him, and the destination mattered not; she knew he would chase her. But, hopefully, he appreciated her choice of venue.
"What arrangement? I seem to remember you ordering me to stay, like some kind of aimless puppy dog, but I don't recall agreeing to do so."
"Yet you did not make any quarrel at the time. Silence is acceptance as far as I am concerned."
Rolling her eyes, she took a dig. "Well that definitely explains a few of your issues."
He shot her a dubious glare, but she continued without missing a step. "Why does it matter anyway? I made sure that Jane and Thor knew where I was going. Nothing was blamed on any arrogant princes."
"New York is safe. The city is protected."
"I can protect myself," she offered, patting her trusty taser as it rested in her jacket pocket.
"You have no idea the depth of stupidity in that statement. There is so much that you cannot possibly fathom…"
She screamed. A loud, piercing wail of frustration that made her lungs burn. "Don't you dare tell me how stupid…"
His hand grasped her chin roughly to silence her. "By all that I have ever known, in the eons that I have walked, you are, by far, the most infuriating. In New York, I can keep you safe."
His jaw trembled, in rage or fear she knew not, and she tried to put space between them, but his grip was firm, unyielding. In the pale light of the moon, he looked half mad and half terrified, two sides of the same complex coin. He hissed, "Will you bother to think for just a moment, Darcy?"
Her mouth usually worked before her brain, often to her detriment. She snorted, rolling her eyes, "Apparently, thinking is out of my comfort zone."
He shook his head, dismissing her pissy comeback. "Try to follow this. There are things out there that terrify me."
Goosebumps rose on her flesh as the grim fact of his statement could be read all over his breathtaking face. Her eyes widened, sheer dread dilating her pupils. He was absolutely telling her the truth, Loki was afraid.
"That is right, silly girl. Grotesque, maleficent beings that would not hesitate to ruin anything that I held dear."
Suddenly, the idea of coming here, alone, to the blessed middle of nowhere, seemed like a very bad idea. She tensed, considering her words, "I'm sorry, Loki."
He seemed not to hear her. "There are stories I could tell you, of my time between worlds, on just what these beasts can do. Imagine what agony they would unleash on a human, especially one ignorant enough to find herself in this place."
She must have looked confused, because he read her easily. He gestured with his hands to their surroundings, and his tone took on a softness, as if he were explaining something to a child, "There are nine separate realms, and one cannot travel between them without potent magics. But, there are areas in each where the boundaries run close together; still unconnected, though the distance between them is smaller. This desert is such a place, and by being here, you would make their task so much easier for them. It is like a baby doe taunting a wolf into eating her."
She shivered, her mind running in terrifying circles. She had an all-too-capable imagination. "I did not realize."
"Of course you did not realize!" he roared, the sound making her tremble even harder, "There is so much that you do not understand, and yet, you brashly make decisions. Fear the monsters that I speak of, Darcy, and there may yet be hope for you."
He smiled slightly then, one that made the hair on her neck stand on end. His voice dropped, continuing as he murmured, "You would be wiser still to fear the monster who heralds them. You may have told Jane and Thor of your plans, but I told no one of mine."
She swallowed nervously, her throat more parched than the desert that she sat in. "I am afraid of many things, but not you."
"That is, by far, your most tragic mistake yet. You really have no idea just how horrible a creature I am."
She shivered, realizing how true that was. She did not know very much about him, and almost all of her information had been supplied by a badgered god of thunder. He intrigued and haunted her in ways that drove her nearly mad, and she intended to get some sort of answer. She pointed at herself, tapping her chest with an index finger, "I'm stupid, remember?"
He rolled his eyes. "You seem to go out of the way to prove it, time and time again."
"You know, contrary to your belief, I'd like to think that for a dreaded Midgardian," she drawled the word out in a mockery of his own voice, "I am pretty smart."
"Then I should take pity on your blighted race."
Laughter, deep from within her belly, erupted from her, almost maniacal in its rhythm. His eyebrows rose, a clear indication that he thought she had finally gone crackers. She managed to get something out, "Maybe so, but I'm not the one who just admitted that they care about a puny mortal."
"I used no such words," he spat.
She had finally tricked the trickster, and he was not going to take that victory from her without a fight. She shot him an unconvinced glare, "Fine. You hold me 'dear.'"
She was just ending her smart-ass air quotes when he grabbed her shoulders, twisting her upper body almost painfully towards him, and their faces met just centimeters apart. "Do not trivialize my confession, Darcy. You know not how much it costs me."
How dare he presume to know her thoughts. Inferiority and anger made her blood boil, and she growled, "I think I understand exactly what it costs you and your precious ego."
A smooth chuckle escaped him then, and it sounded so lovely that she wanted to cry tears of joy at having being graced by its cadence. "You are wrong if you think my affection for you somehow wounds my pride. I am a liar, a traitor, a killer—the bastard son of an evil monster and the outcast son of a master manipulator. I have no pride left."
They stared at one another, neither backing down in their ferocity. She waited, bracing herself for some sort of scathing insult from his unscrupulous tongue. Minutes passed, and she finally found the nerve to ask, "Then what else could it cost you?"
"My remaining sliver of sanity. Being associated with me is dangerous—if you can understand nothing else, please grasp that. I can not allow any harm to come to you; I could not bear it."
In one moment, with one sentence, she understood all of it. His aloofness, the front he put out to shield him, everything finally made sense. "You son of a bitch."
He looked surprised by her outburst, but she had just put all her puzzle pieces together, realizing Loki's many motivations, both noble and nefarious. She brushed his hands off of her, stumbling away, eventually righting herself on the ground beside the car. Words tumbled from her lips, enlightened but angry, "That is why you pushed me away? For my own safety!?"
He sneered half-heartedly, like he had tasted rotten food, "Yes. Being tied to me will only lead to your death, Darcy. Please…"
His eyes pleaded with her as he continued, turning his vicious tongue on himself. "What can I offer you? A life lived in fear of reprisal for my tumultuous past, for eons of misdeeds? Even a human deserves better than that."
His final words to her during their last encounter echoed through her thoughts. Over and over, they mocked her…"Never settle." Under a guise of apathy and cruelty, he had driven her away, claiming disinterest while hiding the truth. And still, he would cut her with more words, reminding her of her inherent nature and flaw. "Is that all you see when you look at me?"
His gaze came to her then, and he looked her straight in the eye. "I see what should have been an insignificant stitch in the rich tapestry that has been my life. And yet, it only takes the one to unravel it all."
She let him brood as her feelings roiled inside of her. Contempt, love, grief...so many battled within that she barely knew herself, and eventually, indignation won out. "You think you have the right to decide what is best for me, to manipulate me with lies and half-truths that suit your perceived notions of what is 'safe' and 'deserved.' Does that not sound familiar to you, Loki? He may not be your father, but you and Odin are cut from the same controlling cloth."
Metal groaned and squealed as an angry god put his hand through the trunk of her rental car; no doubt she was going to lose her deposit. The look on his face would have turned Medusa to stone, the rage and savagery exposed for anyone to see. And then, as quickly as it had come, it was gone, replaced with a grim look of remorse. "As much as it disturbs me to admit it, you are right, Darcy."
Four little words had never sounded so weighty to her ears. Somehow, they were right up there with "Here's the key to my place" or "I do." She did not know how to respond to a reasonable Loki. She shuffled back and forth on her feet, eventually taking a seat back on the edge of the trunk.
He jumped down off of the car, coming over slowly to stand in front of her. His voice wavered slightly as he continued, "In my haste to decide what is best for your future, I made the same mistakes and committed the same slights that others have done to me. I am sorry."
Now, she really was at a loss. Coherency and speech were beyond her, her mouth hanging open uselessly in surprise. Shock allowed his apology to sink in, and it soothed her jagged emotions. He smiled at her, a very Cheshire Cat like grin, while using a finger to gently lift her jaw closed. Six-plus feet of contrite immortal loomed over her, and she had to resist the urge to grab him by the ears and kiss him, hard. He took a step back before speaking, "Come, Darcy. Let's return home."
"My place or yours?" she said with a small smile, hoping to convey the message that she wanted to spend more time with him. She had no idea where things stood between them, but the day's revelations made her feel the tiniest bit hopeful; and like an addict, she had no shame in admitting that she needed more.
He shook his head, "Both. You to yours and I to mine."
"That is not what I want to hear," she pouted.
"Be that as it may, it is what will happen. We enjoyed an unemotional entanglement, and that, for many reasons, is no longer possible. I will not continue to put you in danger."
He offered his hand to her, outstretched. It was a friendly gesture, but also a way to travel, and so their story was not at an end. She refused to believe it over, no matter his decision, and she murmured, "A journey...not a destination."
He said nothing in response, but his eyes were locked on their hands as she slipped her shorter fingers into his, intertwining them. She thought he looked uncomfortable, and she had to restrain a chuckle. He pulled her close, wrapping his other arm around her, "I am sure that I need not remind you to hold tight."
A giggle managed to escape her, and he gave her an odd stare. "No…" she smiled widely, batting her eyelashes at him, her voice a little husky, "I definitely will not let you go."
He gave her one more queer look, before she closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his chest. She felt a pull as the universe divided and opened, and he took them home.