sorry about the delay, stuff's been crazy. im still writing this on my phone lol so since i dont know how to italicize, im just going to say this is a continuation of zoie's flashback (i know, a flashback within a flashback - confusing, right? sorry about that.) thanks for all the reviews, theyre very much appreciated!

Zoie

With the ceremony having ended, I found myself back in my room, positioned in front of the mirror once more. I couldn't stand to look at my pale reflection so I buried my face in my hands.

After the announcement of my new title, Anna had disappeared into the crowd and I hadn't seen her again. Part of me was grateful for it, yet a bigger part of me was wishing I could have spoken to her. Though, I knew that if I had the opportunity to explain myself, I wouldn't know what to say. Maybe it was for the best, I tried to reason, but it didn't shake the sinking feeling in my heart. I couldn't lie to myself; even though we had only known eachother for a short time, she had some kind of hold over me. Hurting her like I did was something I knew I would always regret. If only I had taken the high road after I found out I was to marry Siamon, and not slept with her, maybe this wouldn't be affecting me so much.

There was a knock at my door, startling me from my thoughts. Looking up into the mirror, I realized that there were a few tears on my cheeks that I hadn't noticed falling. I quickly grabbed a towel to fix my running make up before heading to the door.

I was expecting to see Kes, or maybe Castor, but couldn't hide the look of shock when it turned out to be Siamon.

He gave me a tentative smile, "I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I just wanted to see if maybe we could talk for a minute?"

It had been a week since we both found out about the betrothal but we had been mutually avoiding being alone together so that we wouldn't have to speak of it. I guessed that we'd put it off long enough.

I nodded instead of verbally answering because I didn't trust my voice at the moment, and opened the door wider to let him in.

He walked over to my bed, taking a seat on the edge, and I sat down next to him, neither of us attempting to look the other in the face and focusing our attention to the floor.

After almost a minute of awkward silence, he shook his head then spoke, "I don't really know what to say, Zo. I never imagined we would be in this... position."

He had voiced my exact thoughts and I nodded in agreement. There really wasn't anything I could think to say.

Sighing at my silence, he continued, "I realize that I'm getting the better part of this deal, but I need you to know that I will honor and protect you with my life. I know, right now, that is probably of little comfort to you, but we've been friends for so long... I don't want this to ruin that."

I swallowed and looked up to meet his eyes. Siamon was a good man, perhaps a little too much of a flirt, but he had a good heart, nonetheless. Resenting him for something that was out of his control was unfair, yet I couldn't help feeling that way.

"Neither do I," I finally said. "I don't want it to change anything, but it does. And if we're being honest, I still need time to accept this. With everything happening at the moment," I trailed off, weakly, shaking my head. "I just need time. I hope you can understand."

He nodded, "I can." We fell into silence once more before he broke it, clearing his throat and changing the subject, "I'm leaving to go to Reysha for a prisoner transfer. A Fion set fire to his neighbor's crops and, unfortunately, it spread to his neighbor's home, killing the man, his wife and his two children; a six year old boy and a teenage girl."

My stomach twisted as I imagined the children's faces and also the guilt that Fae must feel. "That's horrible," I whispered.

"It is," Si agreed. "I was told his would be your first trial."

"The Fae will want him put to death."

Si shook his head, "Death would be too merciful, I would think. They will expect you to take his ability."

I felt my heart speed up, the reality of my responsibilities as judge hitting me again. It still hadn't really sunk in, but after this- my first time- it would be real. I feared I wouldn't be able to go through with it.

Siamon stood up, "Castor will be coming with me. He wants to stop in Sulstin and supervise the investigation into what caused your father's death. We'll most likely be gone only a week, but we'll keep you updated by courier should that change."

"He was just crowned and he's already leaving the palace? That's an awful idea, especially since he's going to the place where father's illness started." I was taken aback by my brother's irrational decision. Was he really that stupid? I knew I had no right to question his choices, however. Despite my position as judge, he was still king and therefore was an authority unto himself. That didn't quell the bad feeling I had in my gut, though.

"He will be under constant guard, I promise you. My father will be staying at the palace with you, so if you should need anything, just ask him," Si explained. "I must be going, we leave in an hour. We'll talk more when I get back?"

"Yeah," I said, knowing there was no use arguing, and he bowed his head, turning to leave. "Be safe, Si. Both of you."

Giving me a soft smile, he nodded, "You have my word, Princess."

"He is a such a sweet boy," my mother said after Si had left. "I'm glad you will marry him. He will be a good husband for you."

I closed my eyes and hung my head. "You're back. Great." I realized I was breaking my own rule by replying to her comment but didn't care at this point. "Why him? Why did you have to choose for me? And why the hell doesn't anyone think I can take care of myself?! You want someone to lecture? Go bother Castor." I got up and grabbed my cloak, walking out of the room before she could say anything else.

The dramatic exit was futile, however; as I hurried down the hall, throwing my cloak around my shoulders, I heard her following me.

"Don't be so stubborn. You know I love you and your father and I wouldn't have made this arrangement if it hadn't been to your benefit. You're a smart, strong woman and I am so proud of you, but you've yet to experience the real world, my love. I know that is mostly my fault; after my death, your father was too protective of you, keeping you locked inside the palace walls and forbidding you to leave. I wish things could have been different, that I could've stayed with you, taught you how to rule beside your brother. But I am here now, and if you would allow me to help, maybe this all wouldn't seem so bleak."

I bit my lip to keep from answering her. I wanted to scream at her for being right; I truly didn't have any idea how to rule. No one prepared me or warned me of my fate. It was just thrown on me out of nowhere and I was expected to know how to handle it all without any guidance. It wasn't fair, and not for the first time, I wished I was someone else.

I made it outside without speaking and my mother hadn't said another word. I didn't look back, hoping that she had disappeared and I would have some reprieve while spending time with Kes and Jace.

"Zoie," she said and I groaned inwardly. "I hope you will soon see that what I've done was out of love for you and nothing else."

"Enough!" I whispered harshly. "Please, I don't want to hear it, right now."

"Uh... Zo?"

I had trained my eyes on the ground but looked up suddenly to see Kes standing a few feet away, a confused expression on her face.

"Kes... Hey," I mumbled, utterly mortified that I had once again been caught talking to myself. I silently cursed my luck.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

I sighed and pleaded to her, "Can we please pretend you did not see that and you go get us some wine? I could really use a drink."

Obviously catching the desperation in my voice, she nodded, "Say no more. I'm on it. Be back in a minute." With that, she started for the palace.

I took a moment to glance at my surroundings, relieved to see that I was actually alone.

When Kes returned a few minutes later, she was carrying four bottles of wine and three mugs. I grabbed two of the bottles and we wordlessly walked into the gardens, settling on a bench at the edge so that Jace would be able to find us easily.

I didn't bother with a mug, opening a bottle and taking a long drink from it. Kes studied me as I drank, still looking concerned.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, and that's fine. But you know I'm here for you, right?" she said softly.

"I know," I told her. "Thank you."

She opened her own bottle and clinked it against mine. "Anytime," she said before bringing it to her lips. I mirrored her action.

"So, where's Jace? Shouldn't he be off duty by now?"

She shrugged, "He's the new guy so the others treat him like shit. They're always late to take over and he won't stand up to them. No offence, but your guards are assholes."

"Maybe I should talk to them, then."

"Uh, no. That's, like, the worst possible thing you could do. You'll ruin his reputation before he even has one," she rolled her eyes and took another swig.

"I guess you're right."

Kes looked over at me. "Of course, I am," she said as though such things didn't even need to be voiced.

I shook my head and laughed a real laugh, already starting to feel the effect of the wine.

I knew I should be seeing Castor off but I wasn't going to. If he wanted to be reckless, that was his problem. I had enough on my shoulders as it was, I didn't need him bringing me down further.

After a few more gulps of wine, I told Kes that Anna had been at the ceremony.

"How did she get in? I live here and I wasn't even allowed to go!" Kes sulked.

"I don't know. It is strange, though. Anyway, that's not the point."

"And what is the point? I don't know why you're making such a huge deal about this thing with Si. You're the freaking judge now, Zo. If you want a little something on the side, that's your business. And if you really think Siamon is going to be faithful... well, that's just ridiculous. This is Si we're talking about and his history with women is sketchy at best."

"First off, I would never ask Anna to be my mistress, she deserves better than that-"

"Zoie, the girl's a stripper. Mistress to royalty would be like, ten steps up. Just saying."

"Not funny, Kes," I said, giving her a disapproving look. She only shrugged, not seeming to see anything wrong with her comment. "Second," I continued, "what kind of judge would I be if I couldn't keep my own marriage vows? The Fae would think me irresponsible and not trust my decision making."

"With your shiny new power, I really don't think they'll risk making a scandal out of it," she reasoned, apparently having no trouble discrediting every excuse I came up with.

I sighed and drank some more, staying silent. It was a few minutes before Kes said anything.

"Who is that?" She asked and I followed her gaze to see a figure in a light blue cloak slowly walking across the grounds.

The sun was fading and, at first, I thought the light was playing tricks on my eyes. Then I questioned if I was hallucinating again, but realized that Kes could see her, too.

"It's Anna," I whispered, standing up.

"Shit, Zo. That is one stunning stripper," she said, getting off the bench, too.

"Shut up, Kes."

"What? It's a compliment."

I didn't answer back. Instead, I decided to start walking, my heart feeling like it was about to beat out of my chest. I closed the distance, stopping when Anna paused a few feet away and curtsied, her head bowed, causing her dark curls to fall around her face.

"Your Honor," she said softly, holding the position for several seconds before straightening up.

I prayed for my voice not to fail me. "That's really not necessary, Anna."

"It kind of is," she countered with a hesitant smile.

I knew I was staring at her, but couldn't help it. Being this close to her, which I hadn't thought would ever happen again, made me forget about the past week.

Kes, who I had completely forgotten was standing beside me, cleared her throat.

"Oh, right," I muttered, snapping myself out of the trance. "Anna, this is Kes."

Anna curtsied again, "Pleasure to meet you, miss."

Kes let out a snort of laughter, "That's sweet, honey, but trust me, I'm far from royal."

Anna smiled at her, "Well, that makes two of us." She turned her attention back to me, "The guard you told that I was welcome here... Jace, he, uh, let me in. I hope that's alright," she said.

I swallowed, "Yes, of course. It's fine."

She visibly relaxed at my words and I felt a twinge of guilt, seeing how scared she seemed to be.

"Speaking of Jace," Kes cut in, "I'm going to go see him. I'll be back in a little." She gave a mock curtsy, "Nice meeting you, Anna."

Anna nodded with a laugh, "You, too."

Kes started for the palace, sending me a wink from behind the other woman's back. I controlled the urge to roll my eyes at her.

"So," Anna said, uncertainly, "I'm really sorry about your father. He was a great king."

I gave her a weak smile, "Thank you. He was." I looked around the grounds, remembering Castor's warning about being seen with her. The last thing I wanted to do was compromise her safety. "Walk with me?"

She bit her lip, then nodded, "Okay."

We headed into the gardens, walking towards the center where there were walls of trees and various plants that would hide us from view. Once I felt we were suitably shielded, I paused and turned to my silent companion, knowing this was my opportunity to set things right.

"I'm sorry about last week, I-"

"It's okay," she interrupted, "I understand."

She was standing only inches from me, her eyes burning into mine. "You do?"

She nodded, "Your father had just died and you were suddenly the new judge; it would be a lot for anyone to cope with. I'm not saying it didn't hurt, but I do understand."

"I'm sorry... that I hurt you. I never intended to, I hope you know that. I realize I didn't go about it the best way."

She licked her lips and looked away from my eyes, but didn't move. "Why didn't you say anything about being next in line to be judge?"

"I didn't know."

She furrowed her eyebrows and met my gaze once more, "You didn't know? How is that possible?"

"No one told me. The last thing my father did before he died was transfer his ability to me."

She seemed to be processing this new information and I took the moment to revel in our close proximity, running my eyes over her face, her lips, and then lower. It was almost painful not being able to have her, especially since I had already had her and knew just how amazing it was. The ache spread throughout my body and I felt myself getting lost in the memories of those perfect hours we had spent together, not thinking how my sudden rush of desire would affect her.

I saw the blue flash in her eyes and almost stopped breathing. I knew I should step away from her but I couldn't bring myself to actually do it. I was frozen, her eyes locking me there and I had no will to escape their hold.

"I know this might seem crazy," she whispered, her face moving closer to mine so that I could feel her breath against my lips, "but I've missed you."

"It's not crazy," I told her with a slight shake of my head.

Her movement was swift but felt like it all happened so slow, yet so fast, a million thoughts racing through my mind as she closed the distance. When her lips finally met mine, however, all the thoughts, questions, and doubts disappeared like they had never existed, like they never plagued me. The world stopped as her tongue ran across my lips and her hands came up to either side of my neck, and all my responsibilities were forgotten. For a blissful few seconds, she was all I knew; her hands, her tongue, the way she felt against me.

Reality came crashing back when I realized what was happening. The word 'stop' repeating in my head until I felt myself regain control. I pressed my hands to her shoulders and pushed her away. "Anna, wait..." I said when the kiss was broken. "We can't do this."

She stared at me in confusion, "Why not?"

I couldn't bare to look her in the eyes. I stepped back and focused on the ground, feeling her hands fall away from me. I had to tell her the truth. "I... I've been promised to Siamon."

There was only silence, so I chanced a look at her, immediately regretting it.

She stood there with a blank expression before letting out a humorless laugh and shaking her head. "Gods... I am such an idiot." She walked over to a bench and sat down.

"You are not an idiot."

She nodded, "Oh, no, believe me, I am. This whole week I've been telling myself you were just upset by your father's death and that's why you ended it. And then, I find out that you're the new judge... but that wasn't enough of a hint apparently, so I stupidly show up here, and now, you tell me that you're betrothed?!" She laughed again, "And I'm guessing you knew about this before we had sex, right?"

"I only found out that day... before we..." I trailed off.

Something seemed to occur to her in that moment as she stared back at me. "That's why you were crying," she stated quietly and stood up. I watched her, my nerves on edge as she approached me with a solemn look on her face. "If you don't want to marry him, then don't."

I shook my head, "I have to. I gave my blood oath."

My explanation didn't shake her determination. "Screw your blood oath."

I felt my eyes go wide in shock at her words. "I can't do that."

"Yes," she said firmly, "You can. Zoie, you are the most powerful Fae in Aethevia now. How can you expect to be a great ruler if you can't even stand up for yourself?" I opened my mouth to reply but she continued before I could, "Your father is dead, there's nothing he can do. And from what little time I spent with Siamon, I can tell you that if he's actually for this marriage, it's only about power. So just call it off." She was back in front of me now, her hand grasping mine. "I'm not telling you to do it for me. Do it for you. You don't deserve to be so miserable."

I hung my head, feeling the tears escape my eyes. Why couldn't I be strong like she believed so greatly that I was? I had been hoping all week- actually, my whole life- for someone to recognize that I could take care of myself. Yet, now that I was face-to-face with her, I'd never felt so incredibly weak. "I don't think I can," I admitted, ashamed.

"Then I'll help you to see that you can, if you'll let me," she said, squeezing my hand. "I know this might seem crazy," she repeated with a smile, "but I feel it, and I know you do, too."

I looked up at her, not understanding, "Feel what?"

Her lips caught mine in a lingering kiss and her hand came to rest over my heart. She pulled away and whispered, "You're already mine."

I swallowed and knew she felt my heart pounding at her words. "It's not crazy."