Author's note: So, on to the big question of what will come first – Loki glomping Tony or The Talk… ^^
Loki is sitting in the couch leaning against the armrest, a book spread out in his lap, just as Tony is about to enter the living room. The god is back to wearing his normal clothing again – at least what would count as normal on this planet – the Asgardian apparel having already been discarded of.
It's strange seeing such a familiar, well-known scene before him again, when mere hours ago, they were still in Magic Fairyland. And yet, now everything looks exactly as it did before they left, just like he's gotten used to before Thor came to pay them his second visit – Loki reading in the couch with his legs drawn up, looking neither like a god nor a slave, just normal, the earlier tenseness in his face having faded, leaving nothing that hints at any of the recent happenings in Asgard.
It feels almost uncanny how things can so quickly return to normal again after everything.
At least if outward appearances are anything to go by. But of course, not everything is really the same, because he has seen too much of what flies in Asgard, encountered too many disturbing things along the way, and made realizations too unsettling to believe that all can automatically revert back to exactly how it was before.
He watches the god, who is too engrossed in his book to notice Tony as he's standing in the doorway, feeling his stomach coil in unease. So many things that have become crystal clear to him now, putting Loki's previous expectations of him into a different light entirely.
A very sallow and sickly light.
Of course, even if it was a long time ago that he found out about those expectations, having actually seen for himself what had helped create them in the first place makes the unease float up to the surface again. Like old wounds being reopened, despite his thinking they had long ago healed. But now they're itching and aching again, demanding to be taken care of.
And worst of all is that one time in the baths. He still can't believe that Loki had actually done that, had interpreted Tony's words to act as expected of a slave to include providing him with sexual services as well. He had been so certain that Loki knew him better than that by now and felt safe in the certainty that Tony would under no circumstances take advantage of his position, and yet…
Then again, perhaps it's not so strange, and there is actually a less disturbing explanation behind it. When it all comes down to it, Loki has lived almost his whole life in Asgard, a life longer than any human could possibly envision, all the while being indoctrinated with Asgard's ideas of how slaves should act in relation to their masters. And despite that, Loki has never done anything similar here in Tony's tower, not even back when he still believed that Tony had no compunctions about hurting him. Offering himself up sexually at that point as a way of placating and pleasing an ill-disposed master, as a means of self-preservation, would actually have made logical sense, as opposed to doing it when already full well knowing that Tony wouldn't be abusing him in any way, either physically or sexually.
But the fact that it took Loki being back in Asgard to approach Tony in such a way indicates that it was most likely some kind of mental short-circuitry on Loki's part, the extreme situation including the abject humiliation and the threat of severe punishment serving to muddle his mind and rational thinking processes, resulting in a bizarre outcome like this. The harsh reality that someone in his position would inevitably be faced with in Asgard had come crashing down on him hard and mercilessly, the distress of it all automatically bringing that pre-programmed behaviour out.
It's not a pleasant thought, but it makes sense. After all, it's a natural human reaction, under extreme circumstances when logical thought fails, to simply fall back on well-known standard protocols, even if they are totally inappropriate for the situation at hand.
So no doubt that had been a one-time occurrence, born in the temporary confusion and desperate attempts to regain his footing, caught as Loki had been in the clash of Asgard's and Tony's non-reconcilable expectations.
That conclusion is a lot more appealing and palatable to him than the alternative – that Loki had actually believed that Tony expected sexual favours from him and acted accordingly.
But even if that had been his initial interpretation of the bathhouse incident, the more he considers it, the less likely that explanation seems. No, after having gotten frighteningly close to becoming a victim of the brutality that is so obviously unleashed on Asgardian slaves that don't follow protocol, Loki's brain must have switched into self-preservation mode, and some fucked-up psychological reaction that no doubt has a long, unpronounceable scientific name had automatically caused him to revert into expected slave behaviour, even when it was not needed or even wanted.
Still, he can't in good conscience just disregard this and pretend like it never happened. He needs to make it clear that he does not expect sexual favours from Loki, nor any of the other shit expected of slaves in Asgard. It's probably not necessary, now that they're far away from the surroundings responsible for drawing forth that behaviour in the first place, but he remembers full well those other times when he'd erroneously assumed that everything was okay, as well as the consequences that followed in the wake of his own negligence.
And he's not about to take any such chances anymore, as unnecessary a precaution as it might be and as awkward as it might feel to bring the subject up. If there's anything he's learned by now, it's that it's much better to be safe than sorry.
"Hey," he says as he pushes himself up from where he's been slouching against the doorframe and saunters into the room. "Everything alright?"
The god gives him a slight smile as Tony settles himself on the nearest cushion, the two of them facing each other at opposite ends of the couch. "Yes," he replies. "Though, I must say I'm very much relieved to be back in Midgard again."
Tony snorts as he makes a little eye roll, doing his best to act normal and relaxed around the god. "Yeah, tell me about it. That thing they say about the best part about going away is coming back home again – I don't think it's ever been as true as now."
Loki grabs the book still in his lap and places it on the table, and then lets his arms loosely rest on his drawn-up legs as he looks straight at Tony. "Thank you for making this trip on my behalf and speaking in my favour before the Allfather," he says. "I really do appreciate it. I know it might not have been… an entirely pleasant experience for you."
He shrugs. "Eh, I'll live." An uncomfortable stay it might have been, but there is no doubt that Loki was the one who got to bear the brunt of it; he, Tony, got off easy in comparison. "If anyone has any room to complain, it's you. I can't believe that kind of shit is actually acceptable where you come from, to treat people like that."
Loki offers no response to that, but merely looks contemplative.
And damn, he'd been hoping for Loki to say something right there, to stave off what he's been dreading to say but of course has no choice but to address.
But no such luck.
He squirms a bit in his seat, a hand going up to run through his hair, nails scratching against the scalp.
"Yeah, speaking of that – I know you… did things back there that you didn't actually want to, simply because that's how slaves in Asgard are supposed to act." As in, grabbing hold of Tony's erect cock. And damn if he still doesn't remember the feeling of that hand wrapped around him, sending a shivering tingle down his spine and-
Enough, Tony. Get a hold of yourself.
"But I'm sure you're aware that you don't have to do any of that shit here in my tower, no matter how things are done back in Asgard?" he quickly continues, trying to get this over and done with as quickly as possible. "That I don't want you to do any of that shit?"
Ugh, this is really fucking embarrassing. But at least Loki doesn't look discomfited, so he tries to take some comfort in that.
Loki nods slowly. "Yes, I understand that. Even if some things were not necessary, it has been very deeply ingrained in me what constitutes appropriate behaviour for a slave, and so, I automatically fell back on it. I would not have acted like that here in Midgard." He makes a short pause, looking directly at Tony. "I am fully aware you would not have wanted it."
Yeah, that's exactly the kind of answer he had been hoping to hear. An automatically triggered response. And he feels a crushing wave of relief at that, knowing that his hunch was right, that Loki didn't actually believe Tony expected any of… that. It had merely been a pre-programmed behavioural pattern automatically taking control, nothing more than that.
"Good, I'm glad to hear it" he says, relieved that all appears to be well again after Loki's momentary brain-freeze back in the baths. Amazing that the topic could be so swiftly dealt with, and with comparatively little embarrassment to boot. It feels almost too easy. But perhaps he's gotten so used to these awkwardness-inducing incidents and talks by now that they no longer make him feel the same utter mortification they once did.
"Because I don't want you to act like a slave in Asgard is supposed to, okay?" he repeats, just to make sure there are no misunderstandings. "All of that is just plain wrong. And I want things between us to… be free of all that stuff."
"So do I," Loki says, and then there is silence again, and Tony suddenly feels a pressing need to bring up another uncomfortable topic.
"You know," he continues with some hesitance, another sting of that old guilt welling up inside of him again, "I never really realized until our field trip just how shitty slaves are treated back in your home world. If I had, I would have… acted differently when you first came here."
Okay, so he already has apologized for being an ass like that, but somehow he still feels the need to mention it again, now that he's visited Asgard and found out for himself what kind of treatment slaves can expect. To make it clear to Loki that he wouldn't have acted like that if he had known what he knows now, because he really, really doesn't want Loki to think badly of him.
"I know," Loki says, and those words make Tony's chest feel so much lighter, hearing that Loki actually realizes that. "There is no need for you to feel guilty about anything."
"Yeah, well-" he begins, not sure he's quite agreeing, wincing a bit as he remembers his behaviour early on, but he is interrupted by Loki as the god shifts and leans over towards him.
"You have shown me great kindness, do not ever think differently." With that, Loki reaches out a hand to grab hold of one of Tony's, bringing it up to his lips and placing a chaste kiss on the knuckles. "Thank you, Tony. Whatever my fate will turn out to be, I will never forget all you have done for me."
As the fingers clasping his hand let go, his arm falls bonelessly to his side and he stares at Loki for a while not quite knowing what to say in response. He's gotten all sorts of thank-yous in his life, but none of them ever involved hand kissing. But it's probably an Asgardian thing.
"Uh… don't mention it," he eventually manages, hand strangely prickling. "I'm just trying to do the right thing here, that's all. No thanks necessary, it's just common decency."
And the mood is freaking weird, or at least he thinks it is, so instead of continuing to squirm under that green-eyed stare he says the only thing he knows of that has the power to salvage most any situation.
"So… you're up for some pizza? Those ubiquitous pork chops and lamb steaks grew kinda old on me already after the first day in Narnia."
He lies awake for a long time that night, waiting for sleep to come to him. As glad as he is to be back here in Midgard and Tony's tower again, there is one thing he's actually missing and that's having Tony's sleeping form lying next to him in bed.
Now he's all alone again, since Tony unfortunately didn't suggest they continue with their previous sleeping arrangements. He had been on the verge of proposing it himself, but had then decided against it. After all, he could imagine that Tony might want some time to himself to mentally process and digest everything that's happened since they left for Asgard, and he doesn't want to intrude on the man's need for solitude.
Their talk earlier in the day is still fresh on his mind, and his mind keeps returning to it. Tony's discomfort at his behaviour in Asgard had been obvious, but not very surprising, given that he's learnt by now that Tony doesn't want him to act like a slave or do any of the things normally required of one.
Still, he hadn't expected Tony to bring it up for discussion, because surely he would realize that Loki kneeling by his chair, calling him 'Master', walking a few steps behind and all those other little tokens of humility and servility were all things he had done merely because it was expected in Asgard? That even Tony had eventually realized were advisable for him to stick to during their visit? Had he really thought Loki would continue with that now that they were back in his tower again, despite how clear Tony had already made it that he didn't want any of that from him?
But he supposes he had put on a rather convincing display there, so maybe it makes sense that Tony wanted to make sure there would be no more kneeling or any of those other things, just in case. It would be very much like him, to be… concerned like that, after all.
And he is fully aware that perhaps he did go a bit overboard there; not quite everything he had done had been wholly necessary. Tony was his master, after all, and even if Loki had not shown him the full respect and deference normally owed by an Asgardian slave, it would have really been up to Tony to deal with. But he had stuck to the expected behaviour nevertheless, trying to ensure that no one would have grounds for complaints or reason for causing a scene that might lead to nastier things. If nothing else, he had seen how distressed Tony had been when he had landed himself into trouble that time with Fjalar, and did not want to see the man upset again.
He lets himself be content with that, and falls asleep with the memory of Tony in the Asgardian baths at the forefront of his mind.
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