Next update, as promised. Thanks for reading and reviewing, it's much appreciated! I'm glad you guys are sticking with the story =)

Zoie

Three days went by and I had yet to find another journal entry, though not for lack of trying. I wasn't sure if Vessus had suspected me of rummaging through his things but ever since the first venture he had barely left his office long enough for me to search anything, not to mention that the key to his trunk had been relocated. I knew that if he hadn't caught on by now he would soon, due to my constant appearances in his office whenever he returned from his errands. I knew that today I would have to convince Kes to distract him, to get him to leave for more than five minutes, but I still hadn't figured out how.

I quickly walked down the passage way leading from the secret house and back to the palace after spending the night with Anna again. She had stayed awake while I slept to make sure nothing happened, and nothing did. It was more than comforting that she did this for me, but it was also terrifying. I knew I was dangerous and the thought that I could possibly harm her without knowing caused great anxiety for me. It had led to our first actual fight the night before, when I tried to refuse her help. She had obviously won and I had found out just how stubborn she really was, which was both admirable and infuriating. Yet, it was understandable. We were both being protective of each other and I figured that could be a good or a bad thing, depending on the day.

I knocked lightly on the wall then waited for Kes to open it from the other side: it was the only way to know whether the coast was clear. Seconds later, the wall began to rotate and I blew out my candle before shielding my eyes from the sunlight that streamed into the passage way.

"Finally!" Kes said.

"What?" Her annoyed tone confused me. I knew I wasn't any later than usual, so she couldn't have missed breakfast. That was the only reason I could think that would cause her attitude.

"I've been waiting for an hour already. You have to get to your room or something. Fast, Zo. Siamon's back and he's been waiting for you all morning!"

I stood, frozen, until Kes grabbed my arm and yanked me into the hall as the wall began to rotate back into place.

"C'mon," she hissed, pulling me along behind her.

If Siamon was back, then the prisoner was here. That meant the trial would be today. I had to take the Fion's ability. I had to watch him scream in agony and beg for reprieve from the horrible pain I was causing him, pain that I knew too well.

I was in my room now as I finally looked at my surroundings. Kes was frantically rifling through the dresses that hung in my wardrobe.

"What are you supposed to wear to these things, do you know?" she asked.

I was too focused on my internal panic to comprehend the question.

"Hey!" Kes shouted and I jumped. "You need to get dressed. Now."

####

His eyes were the color of the sea during the dreary months of winter, I thought. A cold and grayish blue. I stared into them, ignoring all the others around me, searching for the slightest sign of remorse, confliction or fear, but there was no sign of any emotion. The Fion, on his knees before me with his hands bound in chains behind his back, held onto his resolve and didn't look away. I swallowed. Maybe the deaths he caused hadn't been accidents. Maybe he had meant to burn that house with the farmer and his family, his children, inside and sleeping. Or maybe he had already accepted his fate and had decided to protect his dignity by not pleading for mercy.

How was I to know such things? How did my father know when he wrote in his journal that 'the truth could be seen in their eyes'? I didn't know what exactly I was seeing and couldn't help but second guess myself repeatedly as the room stood in silence, awaiting my judgment.

Taking a deep breath, I clutched the scepter in my left hand to keep myself from shaking and chanced a glance towards Siamon, who stood behind the accused Fae. His lips were pressed into a thin line, his back straight and chin held high, looking every bit the duty-driven guard that he was, except for the softness in his eyes as he looked back at me. He gave me an almost imperceptible nod of encouragement. It wasn't enough, but it was the only comfort I had in that moment so I held onto it before clearing my throat and saying, "Fresot of Reysha, you have been found guilty for the murders of Coris of Reysha, as well as his wife and two children. As punishment for your crimes, you are sentenced, in the name of Aethevia, to banishment preceded by the revocation of your ability."

The crowd cheered at my words, proving Siamon had been right; this was what they wanted. Fresot's expression did not change. I raised the scepter and they returned to silence. It was time.

Lowering the scepter, I extended my other hand towards the Fion and closed my eyes briefly, steeling myself for what was to come. When I opened them again, I focused on Fresot and, just as my father had described in his journal, I saw a light glow emanating from his chest. It was his ability, pulsing with every beat of his heart. Soft streams of orange and red began stretching towards my hand. Fresot tensed and jerked, his jaw clenching as the first wave of anguish seized him. Then his body began to slowly fold over and he opened his mouth releasing a harsh howl, giving voice to the pain and straining against his chains. His eyes squeezed shut and his face turned a bright shade of red, his screams became hoarse and he fell forward, quaking.

I felt the power flow into me, through my fingers and up my arm. A rush of energy went through my body, making my skin prickle. It scared me how exhilarating it was. I had expected some level of pain or discomfort since my only encounters with my new ability had resulted in suffering. Of course, I had been on the receiving end before. Being the one to inflict the torment was hard for me mentally, but physically I felt invigorated.

When it was over, I immediately missed the sensation but tried to tamp down the thought, instead focusing on the limp body before me. I had been too wrapped up in my own revelation to realize that Fresot had succumbed to unconsciousness at some point. The crowd was cheering again as Siamon ordered three of the guards to carry the Fion to the dungeons where he would wait until a ship was readied to transport him and other prisoners to the lands far away from Aethevia.

I was nauseated by the fact that I had found doing such a horrible thing to be pleasurable. The smiling faces surrounding me, plastered with adoration, only heightened my disgust and I struggled to keep my expression neutral.

Siamon walked closer to me and bowed low before offering me his arm. I took it hastily and we followed a procession of guards out of the throne room with Vessus trailing behind us.

####

I was still trembling when I arrived at the secret house that night after spending the afternoon locked in my chambers and speaking to no one, not even Kes. I had heaved and wretched for a good hour before collapsing onto my bed and curling up there, a quivering mess, awaiting nightfall.

When I entered the house and saw Anna there, sitting at the table, I was overcome with the sentiment that I didn't deserve her. She was so sensitive to my emotions already, immediately knowing something was wrong and wordlessly coming over to take my hand and lead me up the stairs to the bedroom, our bedroom.

We laid in the bed, my head on her chest and her arms around me, in silence. My body was rigid, fighting to hold back the sobs that threatened to wrack my body. I couldn't let her see me cry. She couldn't know how pathetic I was.

"Please, tell me what's wrong," she said after a few minutes. I didn't reply, unable to trust my voice to not waver. "Did you find something else? Another journal entry?"

I moved to sit up and her arms fell away from me, leaving the skin that had been warmed by her body to freeze when met with the cold, empty air; the rest of me ached with tension. "I don't think I can do this," I whispered, admitting to my weakness.

She quickly sat up next to me, "Do what?" I could hear the worry in her voice and knew she misinterpreted my statement, thinking I was referring to us.

"Be the judge."

"What happened?"

I inhaled a deep breath that hitched in my chest. "I had my first trial today. I took a Fae's ability."

"Didn't he deserve it?" she asked, confused.

"I don't know, I think so, but I…"

"You know what it's like," she finished.

I nodded slowly. "I'm weak, Anna. I can't handle it."

"You're not weak. There's a difference between being weak and being empathetic," she reasoned in a firm tone. "Having that empathy will make you a better judge."

"It's not that simple. I can't feel this way every time I have to take an ability." My voice broke and I stopped to swallow back the tears in my throat.

She studied me for a minute before asking, "What aren't you telling me?"

And there it was; the first tear finally escaped despite my best efforts. It was uncanny how she could read me so easily even though we'd only known each other for such a short time. If I told her the truth, would it change how she saw me? I had enjoyed it. How could I tell her that?

Hoping to end the questions and postpone my imminent breakdown, I turned and met her lips, more tears falling as I closed my eyes, pushing her back against the mattress and pressing my body to hers. She didn't resist, returning the kiss, her fingers sinking into my hair, her nails scraping my scalp. I began to undress her, my movements becoming rushed as my need to feel her intensified.

She swiftly flipped us over, pinning my arms on either side of my head to halt my explorations. "Wait," she breathed. "I know what you're doing, and though I really want you to keep doing it-"

"Then let me," I pleaded to her and she went silent, her eyes searching mine. It took a lot for me not to look away, but I held her gaze.

"Why won't you tell me?" Her voice was soft and I could see the hurt on her face.

I couldn't bare it any longer and closed my eyes. "I don't want to lose you."

She let go of my arms and sat up. I opened my eyes. She was frowning. "You won't lose me."

"Yes, I will. I'm a monster, Anna."

Her expression was deeply perplexed, "What are you talking about?"

She moved off of me as I got up, sliding to the edge of the bed and putting my feet on the floor. My back was to her as I said, "It felt good. When I took his ability, and he was being tortured… screaming… his power becoming mine… it felt good. Really good."

"You think you're a monster because using your ability made you feel good?" she asked and I nodded. I felt the bed shift as she got up, coming around to sit next to me. "If that's the criteria for being a monster… do you think I'm a monster? Because I feel amazing when I use my abilities."

"You don't hurt people."

"I could, though. I could kill someone. I deplete life forces and make people weak. Well, not you for some reason, but others. And it feels good while it's happening, but it doesn't mean I want to harm them. How your body reacts to it is something you can't control, Zoie. You're not a monster."

"You have to do it to survive."

"And you have to use your ability so that others can survive," she countered. "Which is more important, I would think."

I didn't know what to say to her. She was right, I guess, but it didn't change the way I felt. "You think I'm being ridiculous for letting this get to me, don't you?"

She shook her head, "No, I really don't. I use to think the same thing about myself. I know how hard it is. It took years for me to accept what I am- just ask Rachel. She was the one who stood by me. And I'll stand by you. You won't lose me, I promise," she vowed, brushing a lock of hair behind my ear before pulling me into her arms.

I was struggling, trying not to break down right there, after hearing her words. I wanted so badly to believe them.

"Have you told Kes?" she asked.

"No," I answered, still clinging to her. "I can't tell her."

"She's your best friend. She'll understand."

"It's not that." I pulled away to look at her, "I can't tell her because her mother's abilities were revoked while she was pregnant with Kes. I don't want her to think my father got enjoyment out of that."

"Kes is mortal?" I nodded and she went quiet for a moment before saying, "Well, there's an upside to your ability as you already know. You could do something good with it, like maybe give the ability you took to her. Make Kes Fae."

I stared at her, wondering why I hadn't thought of that before. Kes and I never spoke about such a thing. We never discussed the fact that she was mortal. I felt terrible for never considering this possibility until now, especially since I'd been judge for over a month at this point. And why hadn't she ever brought it up? Was it something she wanted? Was she afraid to ask?

"Are you okay?" Anna asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Yea, I just feel stupid for not thinking of that, first," I told her, smiling for the first time since the trial.

"Well, not everyone can be smart and beautiful like me," she joked.

"Gods, that's something Kes would say."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Actually, it's kind of freaking me out. You two would probably hit it off since you both enjoy making sarcastic remarks at my expense."

"Hmm, that sounds like a good idea. We should all hang out here sometime. You bring Kes, I'll bring Rachel. We need the best friends' approval if this is going to go anywhere," she teased.

"You think Rachel will approve of me?"

Anna laughed, "You're the Judge of Aethevia, Zoie. Even if she doesn't approve, it's not like she'll say anything to you."

"Was that supposed to make me feel better?"

She tilted her head, putting on an exaggeratedly pensive expression, "I'm not entirely sure."

####

"Are you ready?" I asked Kes as we stood in my room.

She looked conflicted, which was unusual for her. "Are you sure this will work?"

"I already told you I've read several of the journals over the past few days. I know how to do it," I assured her, and it was the truth. Ever since Anna had put the idea in my head, I had thoroughly researched how to transfer abilities and now I was confident enough to try.

"Will it hurt?"

I shrugged, "I don't know."

"But didn't your father give you the Mesmer ability? Don't you remember?"

"I was kind of unconscious."

"Oh. Right." She heaved a sigh stood up straight, "Okay. Let's do this."

I nodded, extending my hand towards her as she held her arms out at her sides and squeezed her eyes shut.

I closed my eyes and envisioned the red and orange wisps, the glowing ability I had taken from Fresot, and willed it to Kes. It took a few seconds, but I soon felt like my energy was draining from me and opened my eyes to see the wisps flow from my fingertips directly into her chest. There was a grimace on her face but she didn't seem to be in any real pain. She opened her eyes just as the last of the energy entered her and I watched the glow pulse then fade.

"Whoa, your eyes were all white. Freaky," she said.

I felt lightheaded, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, fearing my legs might give out. "Did it hurt?"

"No. Just a little weird. Do you think it worked?"

"It should have. Just hold out your hand and focus on fire. See if anything happens."

She nodded and did as I said, squinting her eyes and staring at her palm, attempting to will a flame into existence. And she did.

Her eyes went wide at the sight of fire hovering above her hand. "Holy shit!" she squeaked, smiling wide. "I did it!" She stared at the flame in awe for a few more seconds, then tried to blow it out to no avail. "Err… Okay, so how do I undo it?"

I stood up, feeling my energy return. "Close your hand."

She looked at me as though I was crazy for even suggesting such a thing. "Uh, no. It'll burn me."

"No, it won't. Trust me. Just close your hand."

She narrowed her eyes as if to say, 'If I get burned, I'll burn you', before slowly closing her fist. The flame was extinguished instantly. Another excited smile broke out on her face and she threw her arms around my neck, squeezing hard, "Thankyouthankyouthankyou, I love you!"

When she released me and I was able to breathe again, I laughed.

"I have to show mom and Jace and Salni, and everyone else!" she exclaimed, grabbing my hand and pulling me out the door. "I'm not gonna get wrinkles for, like, a thousand years!"

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