Chapter 11

"I'm in love with you."

Everything stood still and even though she didn't think it was possible, the street was quieter than it was before. There was nothing around for a distraction or something to remove her mind from this moment long enough to get her wits back and respond. Her breathing became shallow and Elliot stroked her cheek with his thumb.

"I—I'm-", she stopped when he put two of his fingers over her lips.

I'm in love with you too. She wanted to say it but couldn't form the words.

"Shhh." He placed his lips over hers replacing his fingers. The kiss was soft and sweet and she instantly relaxed. "I didn't say that for you to say it back. Actually as of about a minute ago I wasn't planning on saying it. It just felt right."

"Oh." She let her eyes drift shut when his hands caressed her neck and he put his forehead on hers. "El I—"

"You don't have to say it," he breathed against her forehead. He could feel her struggle and he didn't want to scare her off. "Do me a favor. Don't say anything to me right now. I'll just think it's in response to what I said. Ok?"

She nodded her head in agreement and wrapped her hands around his waist not wanting to let go. "Can I take you to dinner tomorrow?"

He smiled in her hair rubbing his hands along her lower back. "Fourth date hunh?"

Olivia scoffed and hit him on the back, stepping away from him. "That's not why I asked jackass." They locked eyes and she felt a chill up her spine. She didn't know when and where she decided to let herself fall in so deep with him. She had over planned almost every aspect of her life but she never planned this. To feel like this.

"Then why?"

He genuinely wanted to know. She could read in his eyes that he was feeling vulnerable after his confession even though he told her not to say it back.

"Because I want to spend time with you..and I want to show you something."

His eyebrow lifted and the smirk she enjoyed so much was back. He gazed up and down her body. "Anything you've shown me before?"

She slapped his arm and gave him another quick kiss. "Good night Elliot."

"Ohh and you used my whole name that's brutal."

She looked over her shoulder to see he was standing there watching her closely and not moving to get back in his car. She didn't have to ask why. He was waiting on her to blink the lights.

What did I do? Why did they shoot me?

I don't know sweetie.

Olivia couldn't get the words out of her head. Their Monday morning was abruptly interrupted by word of shots fired at a nearby school. Her and Elliot arrived on the scene to one boy killed and two other children wounded. She rode in the ambulance with Annabelle and the look of agony and confusion on the little girl's face was almost too much to bear. The day didn't get better from there. She had to tell one of the mothers that her child didn't make it and watch her break down in her arms.

It was times like these that she struggled with the decision to want to be a mother. She couldn't imagine having one of her children hurt or worse being on the other side of the conversation she had to have that day. Elliot was obviously affected by the case in different ways and she tried to offer her support the best way she could. He cancelled their dinner that night opting to go see his children instead. She didn't talk to him that night but she imagined that he had the same batch of nightmares she did. Over the next few days they uncovered evidence that a racist group was involved and the child was targeted because he was black. The case hit home for every member of the team in its own way and they struggled to keep it together while they dug through the hateful websites and paraphernalia.

They were working around the clock and going home for a couple of hours sleep here and there. She would catch his glance at her every once in a while offering her an encouraging smile and she would do the same. By the end of the week they had closed in on a suspect and everyone had some room to breathe. She was sitting at her desk wrapping up some paperwork when she saw Elliot rub his neck, stretch and announce that he was going to the cribs and lay down for a bit. Olivia sat at her desk going through her own paperwork but couldn't really concentrate. She needed to talk to him and make sure that he was okay and more than anything she just missed him.

"Hey Liv we going to grab a bite you wanna come?" Fin asked.

"No thanks. I'll probably go pick up a sandwich from across the street or something."

"Ok."

They left the squad room and with Cragen in his office on the phone she went up the stairs to go check on Elliot. She walked in the room and saw he was laid on his side, his back facing the door.

"What took you so long?" he asked turning around and seeing her standing timidly against the door. She smiled at him and sat on the bed across from him.

He patted the space next to him on the bed. "Come here."

"El—"

"Come on I'm going to behave I swear."

She scooted in next to him on the small bed, both of them barely fitting. He wrapped his arm around her waist and cuddled close to her, his soft breaths hitting her neck.

She hadn't locked the door because she knew if someone came up that would cause more suspicion than anything. They would just listen intently for any footsteps and break apart as soon as possible.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

"Yeah," he rasped. "Better now." She didn't have to see him to know he was smiling at the words he said to her when they were on that undercover mission three years ago. He was dressed in a suit with glasses on looking every bit the Corporate type while she wore an off the shoulder simple black dress. She felt the sparks between them even then but like so many times over the years it was just another example of words left unsaid and feelings swept under the rug.

She squeezed his hand at her waist. "I've been worried about you these past few days."

"I'm hanging in there." He kissed her shoulder and her neck. "I've been worried about you too."

She closed her eyes at the feeling of his mouth on her neck. "I've been ok. Just—thinking."

"What about?"

She wondered if it was worth mentioning.

"It's ok. Tell me," he urged.

"It never gets easier. Telling a parent they lost their child. I couldn't imagine," she admitted. He stiffened against her. It never got easier for him and every case never stopped reminding him and making him fearful for his own children.
"No it doesn't," he responded simply. "But the good times far outweigh any of the other stuff. That's what I hold on to."

She was speechless. A part of her wanted him to get up and go punch a locker so she would be convinced that this was the same man she had been sitting across from for over seven years.

"You're right."

"I'm always right."

She giggled and he pulled her closer to him, almost hugging her from behind. "I wouldn't go that far."

He kissed her neck again and felt the goosebumps start to form on her skin. He kept his lips on her and she began to writhe next to him. She moved her leg backwards and he lifted his allowing hers to rest between. Her left arm reached back pulling his head more into the crook of her neck. She moaned when his hands started to wonder up and down her torso.

"We have to stop," she whispered when she felt his erection forming behind her.

He pulled away almost immediately and she couldn't help but feel disappointed at the loss of his touch.

Elliot wiped his hands across his face trying to snap himself out of it. He didn't know how long he was going to be able to do this. He couldn't keep his hands off of her when she was near and they had been reckless once at work, it couldn't keep happening. "I'm sorry."

She stood up next to the bed and gave him a sympathetic look. "Don't be. I wish we could fi-."

He held up his hand to stop her. "I know." He couldn't hear her say anything else or he was going to lose the last bit of control he had.

"I'm going to head back downstairs," she announced.

He looked down at his obvious erection bulging through his pants. "I'll be down there in a minute let me just get myself together."

She smiled and leaned over to give him a kiss. "Can we reschedule dinner for tonight?"

He grinned and kissed her again. "You bet."

It was a little after 7:30 when they arrived at the small restaurant. They were still in their work clothes, opting not to go home and change since they had to work late.

Elliot looked around at the bar area, the small circle wooden tables covered with white linen tablecloths with a candle as the centerpiece. "I've never been here before."

The waiter approached their table. "Hey Olivia. It's been a while," he greeted her.

"Yeah it has. This is my partner Elliot Stabler," she waved her hand in his direction to introduce him.

Elliot shook his hand and watched the familiarity between the two of them. They both ordered wine and looked over the menus while Paul walked away.

"So you're a regular here?"

Olivia rubbed her hands together anxiously. "This was my mom's favorite restaurant."

She could see the flicker of emotion briefly on his face but he recovered quickly and nodded his head. Paul came back with the wine and took their orders. They talked briefly about the case and how sad it was that Brian Ackerman raised his child to hate others. She quickly switched gears as had been the case since they started to see each other she didn't want to talk about work. The waiter brought their food over and she waited while he tasted his food.

"Wow. This is unbelievable."

She smiled and took a sip of her wine. "See. I told you. Some of the best pasta in Manhattan."

"I will never doubt you again."

She ate some of her food and tried to figure out where to begin with what she had to say next. She had opened up more to Elliot than she had to anyone else she ever dated but it was still hard for her when it came to certain topics. Especially her mother. The tales of Serena Benson had been revealed to him in bits and pieces over the years when a case would come up that was similar or when she was having a hard time. For the most part it was something she kept tucked away not wanting to have anyone feel sorry for her.

"I've come here a few times over the years just to feel a sense of familiarity I guess," she began. "But for the most part I've tried to avoid it because of the memories." She was playing with the rim of her wine glass avoiding eye contact. "The last time I was here with my mom I was talking to her about the Anya Ragova case. Remember that one?"

He smiled and nodded his head. "How could I forget? That one really hit home for you."

"It did," she acknowledged and finally met his gaze. "I talked to her and she told me that she really wanted me to get out of SVU for the millionth time. I told her that I would've wanted her to kill my father for what he did to her and she asked me if I thought I would've been better off if she was in jail instead of raising me."

She drank the rest of her wine and crossed her arms almost hugging herself. "I told her that I hated him for what he did to her and she said that if he didn't then I wouldn't be here and she held my hand…across this table," she said gesturing at the table they were sitting at. "This was where we sat every time we came here."

Elliot swallowed hard not knowing how to digest the information but was grateful that she shared it with him.

"My mom was tough and we got into a lot but I know she loved me. That night we were here was the only time in my life I can remember that she talked about what happened to her and me being the result of it and not seeming angry. I felt truly loved by her and not just because I was her child but because I was me," she whispered and a tear fell down her cheek. He reached across the table and took her hand, enclosed it in his and squeezed. "I only met your mom a handful of times but I know she loved you Olivia. How could she not?"

She chuckled and squeezed his hand in return. "My whole name. Wow," she mocked playfully. "You may be a little biased though." She took a deep breath and pulled herself together. "I brought you here because it was a part of my life that was important to me and now you are important to me," she explained playing with his fingers. "I love you Elliot. I'm in love with you too."

He let go of a breath he didn't realize he was holding and looked around briefly to see how many people were around. When he saw it was only a few he got up from his chair, leaned over and pressed his lips against hers. He could taste the salt from her tears and the red wine as she deepened the kiss. He heard Paul whistling light heartedly behind him and pulled back. He sat back in his chair and she motioned for Paul to come over.

"Can we get the check and two to go boxes?"

Elliot smirked and cocked his head to the side. "You in a rush detective?"

"Very much so." The look she gave him caused his length to stir in his pants and he couldn't wait to leave.

She took care of the check and handed it back to Paul. "I didn't even get a chance to have dessert," Elliot teased while they held hands and walked out of the restaurant. "Don't worry El," she assured him in a low sultry voice. "I have something you can have for dessert back at my place."

Olivia didn't know how they managed to make it to her building and keep their hands off each other. Once they made it to her apartment and the door closed behind them all bets were off. Elliot stood by the door and looked at her with the same look he gave her in the showers at work.

"So," he said and took off his weapon and badge setting them on her kitchen counter. She quickly followed. She stood against the small wall leading to her living room and he walked over, placed both his hands near her head effectively caging her in. "What do we do now?"

She smiled and leaned her pelvis into his and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Well I did promise you dessert," she whispered in his ear. He growled in response. She took off her jacket and toed off her shoes never breaking eye contact with him. He took his hands off the wall so he could stand back and watch her. She put her hands on the hem of her shirt and stalled for a moment.

"Take it off," he rasped. She felt powerful having this type of control over him. It spurred her on and she lifted her shirt over her head and heard his sharp intake of breath at the sight of her breasts practically spilling out of her bra. He fidgeted with his hands in his pockets trying to stop himself from touching her.

Her hands moved to the button on her slacks and he could feel his erection straining in his pants when the bare skin of her long legs was revealed. She was standing in front of him in just a black panties and black bra watching him stare at her. She couldn't tell what he was thinking and he was quiet for so long before he finally spoke. "You are so fucking gorgeous Liv."

She blushed at the compliment and reached around to unclasp her bra but he stopped her. "No don't. Please."

She was confused for a minute until he moved close to her and whispered in her ear. "I'm barely hanging on and I don't want to take you against this wall," he explained and took her hand walking her to the bedroom.

"You're a little overdressed aren't you?" she pointed out. He took off his shoes and widened his stance still staring at her. He sucked in his bottom lip and she began to take off her bra again and he took off his shirt. He was trying to control himself and given her revelation to him earlier that night he wanted to take it slow. She deserved some kind of foreplay and for him to take his time and worship her beautiful body but once her breasts came into view he was lost. Within seconds he closed the distance between them kissing her hard while pulling her underwear down.

"El," she cried out between kisses. He sat her on the edge of the bed, got on his knees and before she could protest his tongue was penetrating her folds.

"El-wait," she whimpered. She wanted to feel him inside her. To hell with the foreplay, she had been dreaming about him, wanting him since their last escapade at work.

Elliot was relentless as his mouth worked her. His forearm stretched across her stomach holding her down while his tongue flicked against her nub. She was close and felt herself about to climax. Her hand grasped his head while he brought her over the edge. "Shit." He licked and kissed his way up her body and when he stood up she saw he was already naked. She slid back against the headboard, Elliot crawling over her at the same time. He settled himself between her legs and sucked on her neck down to her breasts. She was more than ready and nudged forward trying to urge him inside. He crashed his lips to hers in response and she could taste herself on his mouth. She moaned at how erotic it was and felt him start to penetrate.

"Unhhhh," she cried out and he buried himself completely inside her holding still for a moment giving her a chance to adjust. He started to move, all of his feelings for her manifested in each stroke. He loved her and she loved him. He had never felt so connected to another person in his life. He wanted them. He wanted this no matter what red tape they would have to craw through at work or in his personal life.

He wanted her.

He could feel that familiar burn in his belly and lifted her legs to his shoulder. The angle allowed him to go even deeper and she cried out again.

"That's it baby. Let me hear you."

She dug her fingernails into his waist as he continued to thrust inside of her and with two more strokes she tumbled over the edge and he followed right behind her. Her legs fell from his shoulders and he laid on her chest still nestled between her legs. He listened as her heart pounded and she brushed her hand back and forth in his hair.

"Thank you for dessert," he joked and he felt her laugh vibrate through her body.

"You are welcome. I told you it would be better than what was at the restaurant."

He rubbed lazy circles around her nipple, his breathing almost back to normal. "Yeah this better not ever show up on the menu."

She laughed again and sighed contently.

"El?"

He looked up at her and she traced the lines on his face still amazed that he was here with her like this. "I love you."

"I love you too."

They fell asleep shortly after making love with Elliot behind her and his arm draped possessively around her waist similar to how they laid in the cribs earlier that day. The phone started ringing, reluctantly dragging her from sleep. She woke up, her vision blurry and heard him breathing steadily behind her. She couldn't reach far enough to turn on her lamp so she just grabbed the phone and answered it, her eyes still closed.

"Benson," she rasped.

"Olivia?"

She immediately broke out of her sleepy haze and her eyes went wide. She couldn't speak.

"Can I speak to Elliot please?"

"Uhh yeah sure."

She nudged him to wake up and shook him a few times. She never knew him to sleep so hard but they had both been so exhausted.

"Elliot here's the phone."

"Who is that?" he asked sleepily.

"It's Kathy."