*Peeks out from under our rock* Are you all ready to move past the cliffhanger? Thank you for not killing us this past week while you waited.

A little picture inspiration for you: i45*tinypic*com/m9r878*jpg

The song for this chapter is "Teenage Hearts" by Allstar Weekend youtu*be/2Efr_8D_tgk It's totally sappy and sweet but I kind of love it. ~K

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Big thanks to our incredible team of betas: karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward. Let's give them a round of applause.

Chapter Ten: Worry

I rounded the corner breathing hard, my ponytail swaying against my shoulders. I picked up my pace, lengthening my stride, pushing myself harder. Faster. My thighs ached and my calves began to cramp but I continued, needing the agonizing burn and the rush of endorphins to clear my mind. I pushed my bangs away, irritated at the way they were clinging to my damp forehead.

Every time I thought of the night before, I pushed myself until the pace became brutal. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, the blood rushing so strongly I could hear the whoosh in my ears over the sound of the music playing on my iPod. Suddenly, a blinding pain shot through my side, catching me by surprise and I stumbled before hunching over. Unable to right myself, I went down hard, lurching to the side in an attempt to land on grass instead of concrete. I winced when my elbow made contact with the ground, and I let out a muffled cry. I rolled onto my back, gasping for air, my fingers digging in to my side to try to relieve the ache. After several minutes, the cramp finally loosened, allowing me to breathe more freely. My lungs were still burning, but I could breathe deeper and slow the heaving of my chest. I relaxed on the grass, allowing my body to rest for a moment; I couldn't stay there long or my muscles would knot up, but I had a few minutes to recuperate.

A memory from the night before flashed through my mind. Excitement at the sight of Riley calling, and then the overwhelming sense of guilt from being with another man. I'd been struggling with my emotions for a while, feeling the roller coaster of high and low since the first night I'd met up with Mike. I was feeding off the attention and contact, then riding out the low when it ended. Hearing from Riley, while exactly what I'd always wanted, caused my guilt to hit an all-time high.

I collected my clothes, and left Edward's apartment, feeling sick and anxious. As soon as I hit the street and the cold night air, I dialed my voicemail and closed my eyes. My hands shook as I heard Riley's voice, warm and soft.

"Hey, babe, I know it's late, but I missed you and wanted to hear your voice. I know you're probably all snuggled up in your big, warm bed right now."

I heard him sigh into the phone. The wistful, forlorn quality to his voice made me want to cry. "I wish I could be there with you. I can't sleep... just needed to hear your voice tonight. I'll always love you, Bella."

A sob ripped from my chest as I frantically dialed his number, calling him back. What was wrong with me? How could I have been in bed with someone else when he was alone and missing me?

I willed my tears away, not wanting to sound as upset as I was, and drew in a deep shaky breath waiting for him to pick up. It rang several times before going to voicemail and the moment I heard his voice, I broke down. I hit end call before it could record my hysterical cries and I stood there shaking, my trembling hand pressed to my mouth to muffle the sound of my grief.

Still crying, I called Eleazar; I immediately felt guilty for waking an old man at such a late hour but I didn't know who else to turn to.

"Miss Swan?" he answered hoarsely.

"I... I need a ride, Eli."

I heard a mumbled voice in the background asking what was wrong, and Eli explaining that I needed a ride.

"I'll head right out," he said, once he returned to the line. "Where you do need me to pick you up from?" he questioned.

I glanced at the street number on the side of the building and sniffed. "Six... six-fifty, Delancy Street."

"Six-fifty, Delancy. Okay. Right down by Embarcadero and the waterfront, right?"

"Uh-huh."

"Do you need anything else, honey?" he asked, the concern in his voice evident.

"No... No I just need the ride, please."

"Okay. I'll be there just as fast as I can, okay?"

"Okay." I whispered goodbye and leaned back against the rough brick of the building, shivering when I realized I was poorly dressed for the cool, damp air.

I listened to Riley's call again, torturing myself with his voice and sweet words until the sleek, black town car pulled up. Eleazar was out of the car as soon as it stopped.

"Honey, come here." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. "Carmen and I are worried sick. Are you all right?"

"I'm okay. Just having a bad night."

"Are you hurt?"

I shook my head, feeling like a little girl again. "I just wanna go home."

"Okay. I'll get you right home."

He helped me into the car and slipped something in my hand before closing the door; it was a lemon drop. He'd always had a small tin of them in the front seat of his car. He gave me one every day on the ride home from school when I was a child. I slipped it into my mouth, the sweet-tart taste taking me back to my childhood. My crying finally subsided, and I curled up on the seat, unsurprised to find a blanket and pillow sitting on the smooth, clean leather. I closed my eyes on the ride home—exhausted and wrung out—not realizing I had nodded off until the car came to a stop.

I blinked in surprised, wrinkling my nose at the lemony taste still lingering in my mouth from the half-dissolved candy. I chewed it quickly and swallowed before reaching for the water I knew he always kept in the car. I shook my head in amazement—the man was flawless. He helped me out of the car and to the door. Jacob was out of his chair and at the door faster than I thought an old man could move when he saw us.

"Is everything all right, Miss Swan?"

"I'm fine, Jacob," I said tiredly. "I'm going to go upstairs and go to bed now."

I turned to Eleazar. "Good night, Eli, and thank you. Apologize to Carmen for me, I hated waking you both up."

"I'm glad you called. You always can, you know?"

"I know." I hugged him and he hugged me back a moment longer than I had expected. Jacob took my arm and I rolled my eyes at the thought of the old man supporting me, but I didn't protest. He helped me up to my apartment and I thanked him, saying goodnight before going inside and collapsing on my bed.

"Miss, are you all right?" I blinked in surprise at the person peering down at me. It was a middle-aged woman with kind blue eyes.

I had been so lost in my thoughts I had forgotten where I was.

"Yes. Just had a stitch in my side." I sat up and smiled at her reassuringly.

She eyed me cautiously. "Just wanted to make sure."

"I appreciate it, thank you."

She smiled at me and waved away my thanks before walking away.

I groaned when I stood up. I had been lying on the grass for far too long, and my muscles felt stiff and achy as I walked the rest of the way back to my building.

~LTOYL~

Once back in my apartment, I immediately stepped into the shower, sweaty and still aching from my run. I had spent the entire run thinking about Riley, worrying about him really. He had sounded so lonely and melancholy on the phone. And I was surprised that he hadn't called me back yet. My mind was racing with different possibilities that could have happened. "Was something wrong? Had something happened? Oh, God, what if he was hurt!" I finished my shower and toweled dry quickly. I decided I would just message him and make sure he was all right. Thinking about it had led me to all sorts of terrible scenarios, and worry had my stomach twisted up in knots. I didn't even bother to dress or comb through my hair before I found my phone and texted Riley.

Hey, I know I'm probably being stupid, but are you all right? Sorry I missed you last night. I called back but it went right voice mail. How are you? I've missed hearing your voice.

My worry only increased as the time passed since I sent the text. I finally tore myself away from my phone to get dressed, but I couldn't stop myself from checking my phone obsessively. An hour later, I finally received a reply.

Lol. Hey, babe. I'm fine. I was awake and thought you'd be up. Were you asleep when I called?

I responded immediately: Yes, I couldn't get to the phone in time.

He replied, That's okay. I forgot I had my phone set to silent, so I didn't hear your call back. When you didn't answer right away, I set it down and tried to sleep.

I sighed with relief, the tension in my body finally easing. I had overreacted as usual and there was nothing to worry about. But knowing he was all right didn't ease the ache in my heart.

Quickly, I replied I missed him.

I miss you, too, babe, so much. I have to run though; I'll talk to you later, 'k?

I was disappointed that he had to go, but relieved that he was all right. I eagerly waited for his message throughout the day, but to my disappointment, I didn't hear from him again that night. It wasn't until late Monday that I finally got a reply. We played phone tag all week; I even called one night and left a message, but he wasn't in. That night, I moped around the apartment, eating take-out Chinese chicken and broccoli, and trying to work on one of the lawsuits I was handling. I had just resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't hear from him that night when the phone beeped with a message from Riley.

Sorry I missed you, babe. I had a fundraiser dinner tonight. Boring as hell and I can't tell you how much I would have loved you to be there. Remember last year at the Annual B&W Ball. You looked so amazing in that dress. I can't get it out of my mind...

I smiled at the thought, remembering that night as clearly as if it had been just a few days before.

I looked down, smoothing the floral lace fabric across my hip, glad that Riley liked my dress so much. It was a long column of black lace that fit snugly and flared out at the knees. The V of the neckline of the dress showing just a little bit of cleavage and I noticed Riley's eyes lingering there. I gripped the back of his tuxedo jacket as his fingers continued to explore, gently trailing down my neck to the matching V in the back.

"Bella, I love you so much," he whispered.

I swallowed hard, pushing the memory of that night from my mind before I began to cry. I hastily typed a response to Riley and blinked away the tears in my eyes.

I would have loved to be there with you. That was a great night. You looked so sexy in your tux.

~LTOYL~

Though my thoughts were consumed by Riley, I was surprised when I didn't hear from Edward, the following week since he had been so persistent before. I hadn't heard back from Riley and I found myself missing him more and more. I couldn't stop thinking of different things we had done together and each night I would fall asleep reading different periods from my old journals.

March 7, 2000

Renee hates the idea of me being a lawyer. I think she has the idea that I'm going to be a society wife like she is. There's nothing wrong with it, but I know she hasn't been happy. And I can't imagine not doing something with myself. I have always been fascinated by Dad's job. I used to love it when he went in on the weekends and I got to go with him and play in his office while he worked. Once I got older, I'd still go, I'd just take a book with me. He liked to explain the cases he worked on, and I never tired of hearing about it. I don't think there's a time in my life I haven't wanted to be a lawyer.

March 28, 2000

Riley called today and sounded really upset. It worried me, especially when he said he'd gone to a party the night before and did something he wasn't very proud of. He said he got drunk and nearly kissed a girl. She was very willing and he was lonely, but he said he didn't even touch her before he changed his mind. He said there was no way he could do it. He loves me too much ever to do anything like that. I am not happy; it hurts hearing that he even considered it, but I have to be realistic, there are going to be temptations there. And I trust him when he says that nothing happened and never will happen.

October 21, 2000

I feel like I'm about at the end of my rope. It's been a horrible couple of weeks. Midterms are killing me. I've never been this stressed out. I know it'll all be worth it when Riley and I graduate at the same time, but what was I thinking? Eighteen credits are INSANE. I fell asleep in the library studying the other night and I can't actually remember the last time I did anything fun. I know this is what the rest of my life is going to be like; lawyers work crazy hours. But I don't know if I could make it without Riley. He's the only thing keeping me going. He gives me these little pep talks when I'm feeling overwhelmed, and just a kiss from him helps so much. I'm pretty sure I'm going to sleep for a week once the semester is over though.

December 17, 2000

It's hard to believe my first semester of undergrad is over. It went by so quickly. I loved it though. Every minute of it. Well, maybe not the sleep deprivation from studying so much, but the rest of it was wonderful. I'm sort of dreading winter break at home. It'll be great to see my dad, I miss him so much. Renee though... ugh. I don't know. I feel bad. I shouldn't dread seeing her, but I don't feel like I even know her anymore. I can't even remember the last time I even referred to her as Mom or my mother.

I am excited about my classes next semester, too. Riley and I have a couple of classes together, which will be really nice. I just love the way I can see our lives coming together; there are so many amazing things ahead of us.

Saturday, I spent at home taking care of some much needed chores I'd been neglecting. I did laundry, picked up my dry cleaning, and went grocery shopping for the upcoming week. That night while skimming though another page of my journal, my phone rang and I reached for it, absently.

"Hello?"

"Bella." As soon as I heard my name, I knew who it was and my heart sped up. It had been a while since I'd heard Riley's voice and it never failed to make me feel better.

"Riley! Hey, I was just thinking about you." I couldn't keep the excitement out of my voice.

"In bed?"

I laughed. "Yeah, in bed. But not the way you think. I was reading my old journals. The ones from Freshman year at Stanford."

"Aww, yeah, you were always writing in those. I didn't realize you still had them."

"I could never throw them away; there are so many good memories in there."

"Yeah, there are. I hate that we've been playing phone tag all week. I've just been so busy. They have me running mad with work."

"Me, too." I sighed.

"How's the office?"

"It's fine, I have a couple of interesting cases right now. A sexual harassment suit I've been working on. But it's a huge amount of prep work, you know how it is. What about you? How is your future political career going?"

"It's...going. No, it's good. Really. Just so much schmoozing and ass-kissing. You'd have killed someone by now, babe. You're so charming, you'd have them eating out of your hand, but you'd hate how fake it all is."

"I would." I laughed. "The office parties are bad enough."

"But, the Senator seems really happy with my work and he's introduced me to all sorts of important people lately, so I think it's a great step forward."

"I'm happy for you," I said honestly. I missed him more than I could begin to put in to words, but the excitement in his voice was unmistakable.

"What have you been doing for fun?" As soon as Riley asked the question my heart sank. I couldn't tell him how I really was or what I had been doing; I knew it would break his heart. I decided to keep it light and about work.

"Fun? That still exists?" I tried to joke. "With the twelve to fourteen hour days at the office I forgot there was something other than work and sleep."

"Come on, Vanessa hasn't dragged you out lately?"

I hesitated slightly before answering, not wanting to lie to him. "Not in the last few weeks, she's been visiting her grandma lately. She's dying."

"Tell her I'm sorry to hear that," he said softly.

"I will."

"Please tell me you're doing something other than working, babe. I want you to be happy."

"I know, Riley. I'm fine, really. " I hated the thought of Riley worrying about me, and a part of me wanted to convince myself that I was doing okay, even though I knew it wasn't really true.

"Bella..." His voice trailed off, but I could hear the doubt.

"I went to the museum the other day," I offered, and then winced at the thought of how that night with Edward had played out. Fuck, my life was a mess.

"I don't suppose I have to ask which one," he teased half-heartedly. "You and your modern art."

"It was great," I said honestly. "Matisse, Cezanne, and Picasso."

"Right up your alley then." I could hear the sadness in his voice. He could tell I was struggling, but at least trying.

"Y-Yes," I said, clearing my throat, trying to hold back my emotions. "I wanted to take them all home with me."

Riley had always teased me that someday I'd show up with a piece of an expensive art and claim it had followed me home like a puppy. He had promised that he'd buy me a painting every year for our wedding anniversary and that by the time we were old and grey we wouldn't have wall space to hang them all. I bit my cheek hard, trying to stem the tears that threatened to fall. I couldn't let Riley know how miserable I was without him. How much I desperately missed him.

"Did you restrain yourself?"

"Yes, I was good." My voice hitched as I almost choked on the words.

"Hey, you okay?"

"I'm good. Just allergies," I lied.

"Bella..." He knew I was lying.

"I'm fine, really," I said more firmly. I needed control back; I'd fought so hard over the past few months to keep myself together; I couldn't let go, not now, and not with Riley on the phone. "Any particular reason you called?"

"I... I just miss you," he said hesitantly. "I always miss you, but the last few weeks... it's been especially rough."

I felt my resolve slip away hearing his confession. "I know, it's been hard for me, too."

"We're doing the right thing though, aren't we?" he asked, sounding more like the seventeen-year-old boy I'd first started dating than the thirty-year-old man he was.

"Yep." I struggled to keep it together. I was on the verge of falling apart and I couldn't let him second guess our decisions. We had gone back and forth a thousand times. The first few weeks after he was gone I had wanted to call him nearly a thousand times and beg him to come back home. But the only thing I hated more than the thought of losing him was the thought of him resenting me for forcing him to give up a career he loved. I loved Riley too much to hold him back. "You're going to be great, Riley. I know it."

"Bella, I still love you." All I could do was listen to him breathe through the phone as I struggled to hold myself together. I loved to hear his words, but it was like ripping my heart open all over again. I still loved him so much.

We were both silent for a while, the weight of his words resting on both of us. I was afraid if I spoke, I would break down completely. After a while, he started speaking again, talking about inconsequential things. He told me a funny story about someone at the office and I laughed. He had always known how to cheer me up. We talked for the rest of the night, and I finally fell asleep to the sound of his voice, whispering goodnight.

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