It's here! The day we have all been waiting for since that very first moment we laid eyes on Edward Cullen. The end of the saga on the big screen. Do you all have your tickets? Discordia and I are waiting, probably until the weekend, so no spoilers! It's been a great ride, hasn't it?
Here is the pictease for the chapter. I think you'll appreciate the visual. ;) *com/2q3cfpi*jpg The song we chose is "Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event youtu*be/aKEu3EmBCzQ The lyrics are particularly fitting. goo*gl/imFlG
Thank you to our fantastic beta's: karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward. You ladies rock our socks! We'd like to officially welcome AshesAshes to our team, as well. She has a beautiful story called Love, Save the Empty you should all check out.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter Fifteen: Tension
Sure that I had ruined any chance of seeing Edward again, I spent the next week trying to convince myself that it didn't matter. He was just a guy, much the same as any of the others. Maybe he was more interesting to talk to than most, and he was definitely better in bed. He was by no means irreplaceable.
Or so I tried to tell myself.
The previous weekend's tryst with Kyle had left me completely unsatisfied. He was tentative and, after a while, I found myself growing bored. I couldn't keep my mind on what we were doing and before we progressed beyond fooling around I pushed him away. The memory of Edward's heated and hostile gaze when I left with Kyle hadn't helped things either. I sent Kyle home, frustrated and disappointed, but it just wasn't going to happen. I was irritable as well, and though I tried to burn off my frustrations with running, it didn't really work.
Vanessa and I met up for drinks on Thursday night; I just couldn't take another moment of thinking about work. It helped; she distracted me with her usual stories of the smitten men whom she constantly left begging for more. I had any number of guys hit on me that night but I turned them all down, feeling confused. That night when I crawled in bed alone, I wondered what the hell I was doing. I lay awake for a long time, unable to calm my restless mind.
Vanessa thrived on one-night stands and stringing guys along. But once again I was reminded that it wasn't me. The unsuccessful tryst with Kyle the weekend before had proven that. The only reason I'd even tried to sleep with him was to piss off Edward. I knew it wasn't healthy, and I regretted even trying.
I was suited to serious, long-term commitment. But without Riley, I just didn't see that as a possibility any more. The guys I'd brought home were a poor distraction; a haphazard attempt to bandage a wound that would never heal.
I spent hours lying awake that night, miserable, but completely unsure of how to proceed. My life had been so orderly before Riley left, planned and structured, predictable. I had found comfort in it, and without that order, I was floundering. A relationship with anyone was out of the question, but one-night stands only left me miserable. As long as things weren't serious with Edward, I liked spending time with him. I just had a feeling he was looking for something far more serious than I'd ever be able to manage.
Edward had been the only guy that I had genuinely liked and I had clearly ruined any chance I had with him. It was understandable, really. Even if he theoretically knew that I brought home random guys from bars, seeing it was something else entirely. No man liked knowing that the woman they were sleeping with was with other guys as well. Up until now, I hadn't really thought about the fact that he was most likely seeing other women as well. I had to assume he was. He was far too attractive, intelligent, and successful not to have plenty of other women interested in dating him. It wasn't as though I expected him to be seeing me exclusively. But if the situation had been reversed, would I have been entirely fine with seeing him with another woman on his arm? Probably not. It was far easier to imagine that I had him so besotted with me that he couldn't even think about another woman. The likelihood of that was slim and, in fact, there had been a leggy, curvaceous woman in white standing to his right at the club. Chances were she had gone home with him when he left the club. And there was a part of me—that I hated to admit to—that was envious of her. Because there was no contest between the guy I had taken home and Edward. Edward might not be Riley, but he was an extraordinary person, and we were physically and mentally compatible.
Although he made me vaguely nervous sometimes, it was disappointing to think that I would probably never see Edward again. He had made me feel more alive than I had in months. It was with those thoughts that I finally fell asleep, remembering his blue-grey eyes locked on mine and the soft way he'd held me.
I tried to keep myself busy, but Edward rarely left my mind. My usual morning run was unsatisfying and I felt no better when I got home than when I'd left. The air was thick and heavy with fog so I drove to work instead of walking.
I felt marginally better once I was in my office, sipping my usual latte and reviewing the case I had been focusing on all week. It was a challenging but rewarding case that I felt privileged to have been asked to take on. It involved a sexual harassment suit. My client had accused a male co-worker of sexual harassment and he'd been charged in criminal court. She was suing the company for not pursing the numerous complaints she had made while, for months, she had been forced to deal with his advances. The company had in fact been grossly negligent, and I was eager to take the case to court.
When I met with my client later that day, she was shaky and tearful as we went over the final details before the trial. I was hopeful that the verdict would be in her favor. I was confident that we had a solid case against her company. Opening remarks went well on Tuesday and by the time my client took the stand to give her testimony on Friday afternoon, she was steady and resolved. It was exactly the kind of case that I loved. The week wrapped up on a high note and since Ness was flying out to visit her grandmother again, I made a trip to Leah's, hoping things had blown over. She scowled when she saw me take a seat at the bar, and I knew instantly she was still ticked over Edward and I.
"I thought I told you that you weren't welcome here."
"Edward and I are doing just fine, Leah," I lied. "We met for lunch last week."
"So, you're dating now?" she said with a sarcastic grin.
"What? No. Nothing like that. Just having fun." What was it with people assuming that just because you went out with someone a few times you were "together".
"I swear, if you hurt him, I will make you sorry." The sincerity on Leah's face was one not to be mistaken.
"Can I just get my usual Drambuie?" I asked with a sigh. It was none of Leah's business what happened between Edward and me. She could make her assumptions; I was really tired of caring what people thought.
"Don't you mean Drambuie and a heart to break?" she asked snidely. "Maybe I have another friend who you can jerk around."
"I'm still deciding which one I want," I said sharply and then reminded myself that I didn't have to stoop to her level. "You know what, Leah..." I let my words trail off; it wasn't even worth going into it with her.
"You're a real piece of work." Leah shook her head and pointed toward the door.
I get that you're protective of Edward, but he's a big boy. I'm sure he can handle himself."
Leah scowled at me and I turned to leave, but I ran into a man standing behind me. I looked up to see a tall guy with dark curly hair and dark brown eyes. He was solidly built and had a broad smile with a dimple in one cheek.
"Hey there," he said eyeing me up and down.
"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I didn't mean to run into you. I didn't know you were there."
"I was coming over to talk to you."
"Oh really?" I tilted my head up at him.
"I was going to see if you wanted a drink."
A slow smile spread across my face. If Leah wanted a reason to be pissed at me, I'd give her one. "I'd love one but I was actually just leaving for another place down the street. Care to join me?"
I could feel Leah scowling at me from across the room.
"Fucking tramp," Leah muttered and walked to clear some tables.
"What's her problem?" the guy asked when she walked away.
"We have a difference of opinion on something." I smiled at him. "So, what is your name?"
"Demetri."
"Nice to meet you, Demetri, I'm Bella," I said.
We spoke for a moment and were just about to leave for another place when I realized I desperately needed to use the restroom. I laid my hand on his arm. "Hey, I need to use the ladies' room, but I'll be right back."
I stood up and headed toward the back of the bar, making sure to add a little sway to my hips. When I emerged from the bathroom, I came face to face with a scowling Edward.
"Why are you here?" I asked.
He ignored my question and shook his head at me. "What the hell are you doing, Bella?"
"I'm having a drink at a bar with someone. What business is it of yours?" I asked him, irritated with the possessive tone he was taking with me.
"Do you really think that guy will give you what you need, Bella?"
"Edward-" I started to interject but he cut me off.
"If you wanted to get fucked tonight, you could have called me. Or did you lose my number?" He asked, scowling down at me.
"Remind me again. I've forgotten just what it is you think I need from you," I taunted him.
He pushed me back into the wall and dropped his head to take the soft flesh behind my ear between his teeth. He bit down gently and I shuddered.
"You're going to go home with me tonight and I'm going to remind you just how good we are together. It's not going to be slow and sweet like the first time. It's going to be rough and hard. It's going to be so good; you just need to realize that these assholes you pick up aren't worth your time."
"I don't think I like the possessive tone, Edward." I tried to pull away from him but he slammed his hips against mine, pinning me to the wall. He was hard against me and I couldn't stop the moan that left my lips.
"You can go home with some idiot who may not even be able to satisfy you, or you can go home with me." His voice was low and hoarse in my ear and I felt my nipples tighten against his chest through the fabric that separated us. "It's your choice." Without another word, he spun around and walked towards the exit without another look back at me.
I sat there, leaning against the rough brick wall for a moment to calm my breathing. I thought about the guy waiting for me, having already nearly forgotten his name, and decided Edward was right.
I hurried over to him. "I'm...I'm sorry," I stammered weakly, not sure of what to say or how to explain it to him. "I have to go."
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine. I'm sorry. I just need to go." I hurried outside and saw Edward waiting in the back seat of a cab with the door open. I scrambled to get in without flashing everyone on the street, and Edward barked out his address.
"Edward-" I tried to speak but he cut me off.
"We're going to my place." His words were short and still clipped with a hint of anger. I knew he was jealous when he saw me at the museum with James but that was nothing compared to his attitude tonight at the bar. He exhaled and for the first time that evening the tension in his shoulders relaxed a fraction. "Look, I don't want to get into it in the back of the taxi here. Please, let's just go to my place and I'll explain."
"Fine." I turned and looked out the window of the cab, watching the city go by in a blur of lights. Neither of us spoke on the short ride there, and the air was thick and uncomfortable with tension.
When the cab pulled up at Delancey Street, I followed him to his apartment, waiting while he unlocked the door, letting us both in. Once inside, he dropped his keys on a nearby table, flipped on a small lamp and I turned to face him. The tension between us crackled, his eyes were intense as he stared me down and I swallowed hard reflexively.
"Edward...I..." I began, not sure what I was even going to say.
"Don't, just...don't say anything," he said roughly. His lips crashed down onto mine and I moaned against his mouth. He buried a hand in my hair and roughly kissed me until my head spun. I should have been pissed that he'd been so jealous and possessive tonight, but I wanted him so badly, I could hardly think straight.
"Damn it, Edward," I muttered against his lips. He pulled away from me, his eyes glittering dangerously in the bright lights of his loft. He grabbed my hand and dragged me up to his bedroom. I expected him to throw me down on the bed but instead he pushed me so I was standing in front of the railing.
"You're going to hold onto this, and you better hold on tight, because I am going to fuck the hell out of you." His voice was tight and strained as he whispered the words in my ear.
A shudder ripped down my spine and my eyes rolled back in my head at his words. I gripped the railing and pushed my ass back against him.
"Give me the best you've got." He lifted my skirt, yanking my panties down to my ankles. His fingers roughly brushed over my center, and across my wetness. I heard the clank of a belt, and the rasp of his zipper. There was the quiet sound of ripping foil and then I felt him. I cried out, unable to stop myself, at the rough push of his cock filling me.
"Harder," I snarled and he grasped my hair in his hand and tugged. "Come on, fuck me harder than that. Remind me why you're better." I knew I was playing with fire but I wanted to see Edward let go.
He didn't respond verbally, but the force with which he thrust into me was answer enough. I gasped and gripped the railing tighter, my knuckles whitening with the strain.
He pounded into me, relentless to the point that it was nearly painful. But there was also a pleasurable ache building inside of me. My stomach muscles clenched and I let out a wordless cry that seemed to echo in the silence of the apartment. I could hear the slap of his thighs against mine.
One hand moved around my body, grazing the side of my breast. His fingers hooked on my shoulder, digging into me as he used it to gain better leverage. His other hand moved to my clit, firmly pressing against it with no build up at all. The sudden stimulation made me gasp and buck hard against him, forcing him deeper. His breathing was strained and hot against my back, and I could feel it even through the fabric of my dress.
The tension in my body built until I could feel myself shaking against him. As always, the pleasure built and then hovered, waiting for the trigger that would send me over the edge. This time it was his voice, rough and harsh.
"I know your body. I know what it means when you bite your lip, what happens when I press right there just below your clit, the way you tighten around me when you're about to come. I make you feel this way. Not them."
I cried out, wild and uninhibited in my pleasure as my orgasm hit. My mind was clear and focused, consumed by the agonizing, burning satisfaction he brought me.
I collapsed forward onto the railing. Spent and exhausted, my legs were weak and trembling. I gulped in lungfuls of air and my heart hammered in my chest. He pulled out of me and I heard him walk away, and then the soft sound of the bathroom door closing. I stood up and had to reach for the railing again to steady myself, light-headed and shaky. As much as I hated to admit it, Edward was right. None of the guys I'd picked up in clubs or bars had even come close to making me feel as good as he did. Edward was like a drug to me.
When I no longer felt like I'd collapse, I shakily stepped out of my panties, leaving them on the floor. I staggered toward the bed and pulled my dress down; smoothing it with nervous fingers, unsure of what he was going to say. Edward returned from the bathroom and I looked up, staring at him as he walked toward me, shirtless, but still in a pair of pants that were hanging loosely from his hips. The man in front of me was wholly different from the one who had just roughly fucked me moments before. Something, some nervous tension still simmered in his body, but his face was wary instead of angry now. He watched me, as if expecting me to bolt.
I stared at him, not knowing what to say, only knowing that he was right. And that I wanted him again. He sat down on the other side of the bed. The few feet between us felt like miles, the tension awkward instead of heated.
He swallowed hard before he spoke. "I can give you what you need."
"What do you know about what I need?" I asked, my voice harsher than I intended.
"I know you need the rush it gives you to find a guy and make him want you. To make him do exactly what you want. You draw him in and then push him away. You feel solace in the physical closeness and then hold him at arm's length emotionally. How many times does he get to touch you before you tell him to leave, Bella?"
I shook my head in denial, not wanting to admit to him just how fucked up I really was. "How the hell was he able to read me so well?" I wondered. "It's not like that," I choked out denying the truth in his words.
"It's exactly like that," he retorted.
I looked at him, taken back by brazen honesty. "So what do you want? You want to be one of the guys I fuck and leave? You've already been that guy, Edward. What did it do for you?"
He looked me in the eye and said, "No, I'm not."
"You're not what?"
"I'm not the guy you have and then push away. I'm the one you keep."
"I'm tired of your games, Edward, I'm going home," I said tiredly. I was ready to go and moved to stand up but he caught my wrist in his hand and held me there gently.
"No, you're going to hear me out. You seek oblivion in sex. That's fine. I'm here to give you that. Get rid of the rest of them and I'll make you forget everything you're running from."
I shook my head and swallowed hard, sitting back down on the bed. I did want oblivion; I wanted the rush to wipe my mind clean. But I didn't want to forget Riley. I wanted to remember him.
"You don't understand." I looked away from Edward, staring blankly at the other side of the room.
"Help me understand. How badly did he hurt you?" His words were soft, comforting.
"Who?" I asked.
"The man from your past who has you so twisted up in knots."
I turned back to glare at him. "You know nothing, Edward. He didn't hurt me. I hurt me. I made him leave. I don't want to forget him. I want nothing more than to be with him every waking second. You can't give that to me."
He drew in a sharp breath. "Then what do you want? What can I give you?"
"Nothing." I shook my head and stood up, walking toward the stairwell. I stopped at the top and turned to look at him. "You can't give me anything."
"Wait." He stood up and walked over to stand behind me. He stepped close, his body warm against mine and I felt a lick of fire down my spine. His hand came up to circle my upper arm and he spoke quietly against my ear. "I won't ask you about your past, or beg you to love me. All I want is to give you what you need. To make you cry out and shudder under me. To be the refuge you seek. The men you're using, they aren't enough for you. They aren't helping you, Bella."
"Why, Edward? Why are you doing this?" I struggled to hold myself together. The reminder of all I had lost when Riley left was overwhelming and the fact that Edward seemed to understand exactly what I needed from him was too much. I blinked back tears and took a deep shuddering breath.
"I can't stay away from you any longer." He was silent and when I didn't reply, he spoke again. "I'm sick of one night stands, Bella. Look, the chemistry we have is incredible, yes?"
"Yes," I admitted.
"I want that. But I also want someone I can see on a regular basis, go out to dinner with, take to museum events."
"So you want a girlfriend? I can't do that, Edward."
"No." He raked his hand through his hair. "Look, I know you're not ready for a boyfriend but that's not what I'm asking for. I just can't stand to see you do this to yourself any longer. Let me be the one that's there for when you need to escape-the one you call in the middle of the night, or take home from the bar. It doesn't have to be a big deal, Bella. Let me worry about what I need out of this. Just give it a chance."
"So, what would we be?"
"You want to label it?"
"No… I don't know."
"If someone asks, we're seeing each other and it's nothing serious. Fuck, I don't care what we call it, call it whatever you want."
"I...I don't know, it just seems so..." I struggled to find the words.
"You like the physical aspects of one night stands, right?"
"Of course I do."
"We know we're compatible that way. I don't know about you, but I hate the awkwardness after, the question of do I stay, or do I not stay. I hate sleeping alone all the time, I hate going to events alone, and I hate not having someone to go out and explore the city with. I'm not in a rush to settle down, but I am sick of the random encounters. Why can't we have something in between?"
It did sound appealing, but I was so afraid of getting hurt. So afraid I couldn't even manage any kind of normal interaction with a guy. "I'm so fucked up, Edward. I'm not sure I'm even capable of managing that. The random guys were just…therapeutic."
"That's fine. I assure you I am very capable of satisfying you far more than they did."
"It's not that. I don't know how to even go about any of this."
"You let me give you the escape you need. You can stay or not after, just tell me what you plan on doing. And we'll go from there. Maybe dinner out next week. We'll just take it one day at a time." His hand cupped my cheek and he looked into my eyes. "What do you have to lose?"
What did I have to lose? Edward was certainly right that he could more than satisfy me. The encounters with him had been infinitely more satisfying than the previous guys. The idea of someone to do other things outside the bedroom with was appealing. I did miss having someone to take to company events. Being the awkward single person in a sea of couples was excruciating. There were often restaurants, museum exhibits, and events throughout the city that I wanted to go to, but felt awkward and uncomfortable attending alone. I had enjoyed the afternoon with Edward at the park, and coffee and crepes at the café. He was a great guy that I honestly enjoyed spending time with.
I had considered dating, but I couldn't fathom the idea of opening myself up emotionally to someone else. Edward wasn't asking for a relationship, he wasn't even asking for any real commitment. Just to be here for me. He could satisfy my physical needs and this could be good for me.
"I have to think about it," I whispered, but I already knew my answer.
So what do you think? Edward finally said enough and gave Bella something to consider. Think she'll take him up on it?
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