Chapter Seventeen: It's Here…
The sun was rising. It was beautiful. The oranges, reds, and yellows. A dash of pink to throw it off in my eyes. I frowned at the thought. Then wondered why I thought of it to begin with. I had other things to worry about. I had been awake for seventy-two hours. Doing as much research as possible. Dean's last thirty hours were staring us in the face. Thirty hours…
"Hey, you should sleep." Bobby told me when I had turned back into the house.
"No, I don't." I shot at him.
"I know you think it's a waste of time. But you can't do anything for him if you're dead on your feet."
"I'm already dying, Bobby. So it really doesn't matter." I told him as I spun my engagement ring.
"Look, I know this is depressing as…well…hell. But you can't shut down. Not yet. Whether we fail or not Dean needs you."
"And I need him. But, again, it really doesn't matter. In the end I'll be standing alone."
"Damn it, Evy. You're never alone." He snapped at me.
"Sometimes it takes more than people to not feel alone." I told him with a small smile. "Are you telling me that after your wife died, no matter the cause, that no matter how many people came by you never felt alone?" He just looked at me. "That's what I thought."
"Fine. You win this one." He said walking over to me. "But there are still people who love you." He said and paused. "I love you."
I couldn't help but smile at him. I put my arms around his neck, resting my head on his shoulder. "Thank you, Bobby. I love you too. You're the best dad anyone could ask for." I told him before smiling at him through glossy eyes.
"No water works." He said after clearing his throat.
"Speak for yourself." I teased.
"Oh, shut up." He said but cleared his throat again as he bent over a book. "You came in here at the right time. I can give you a little bit of news." He told me.
"Spill." I told him.
"Sam went to get Dean."
"Okay." I nodded and stepped next to him, glancing over his shoulder.
"Hey, baby." Dean said kissing me as he pulled me against him. "So, Bobby, what've you got?"
"See, a name. That's the whole kit and caboodle. With the right name, the right ritual, ain't nothing you can't suss out." Bobby told him as he put a tripod device over a map that was splayed out on the table.
"Like the town Lilith's in?" Sam asked.
"Kid, when I get done, we'll know the street." Bobby told him.
I smiled when Bobby and Sam looked at me. They looked so hopeful. Like this answered it all. I looked at Dean and he had a frown set on his face. Stepping in front of him I put my hands on his neck and looked him in his eyes.
"I know what you're thinking. But this is a good thing." I told him.
"Then why aren't you grinning with them?" He asked.
I sighed and kissed him passionately. Behind me, Bobby was speaking Latin. I turned to see the middle piece of the tripod start to spin over the map. It took only a moment for it to stop. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest I was sure all of them could hear it.
"New Harmony, Indiana. And we have a winner." Bobby said looking at all of us.
"All right. Let's go." Sam said eagerly.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. Just holster it up there, Tex." Dean told him.
"What's the problem?" Sam asked.
""What's the problem"? Come on, where do I begin? I mean, first of all, we don't even know if Lilith actually holds my deal." He stated. "We're going off of Bela's Intel. When that bitch breathes, the air comes out crooked, okay? Second, even if we could get to Lilith, we have no way to gank her. And third, isn't this the same Lilith that wants your giant head on a pike? Should I continue?" He finished. His tone was angry…cold.
"Ha. Ain't you just bringing down the house." Bobby told him.
"Bobby, please." I said sadly.
"Yeah, well, it's a gift." Dean replied.
"Baby…" I said and put my hand on his chest.
"I'm sorry, so then what are we supposed to do?"
"Look, just because I gotta die. Doesn't mean you have to. We go in smart or we don't go in at all."
"Okay, fine, if that's the case, I have the answer." Sam told him.
"Excuse me." I said and made my way from the room.
"Evy, wait." Dean told me.
"No." I told him with raised hands. "I can't listen to this. I'm not fighting with you about this. Sam and Bobby can do that. I just can't hear this shit anymore. I need some air."
Not waiting for a reply I left the house. Nausea swept over me and for a second I was sure I was going to be sick. I didn't vomit but I fell to my knees, dry heaving, bent over the dirt driveway. It made Bobby's dog come see what was happening. I looked at the dog. Sincerity in the way it was looking at me. Quizzical as to what was happening. Wanting to get let in on the secret. Such small brains. Such depth of understanding for such a being. I could fit his brain in the palm of my hand. Yet I felt like he was seeing me for what I really was. Understanding everything as I looked it in the eyes. I reached my hand out toward him and his licked my palm before moving his head against my hand. He stepped next to me, leaning against my side. It was the most simple of gestures for the animal to make and yet it screamed sympathy and friendship. I nodded at the dog, putting my arm around him. He whined and licked my face gently. I nodded again, shifting, sitting up against the nearest car.
Inside they were talking about either letting Dean die or possibly getting all of us killed. Arguing about letting a demon help us in order to save him. It didn't matter what they decided. Someone was more than likely going to die. And it was more than likely going to be Dean. I couldn't listen to all the death talk. My heart couldn't take it anymore. I could periodically hear Dean yelling. He didn't want Sam to make the same mistakes as he and John had. To sell his soul to save him. I understood that. I understood too much. I got it. But that just made it that much harder. It'd be easier if I didn't understand his intentions. If I didn't get why he didn't want any of us to get caught in the crossfire. If I couldn't look at Dean and read what he was thinking from the look on his face. But I could. I could and it hurt me. Hurt to the point of full indifference just to try and make it stop. My head was so full of memories. Trying to mask the pain of what I would be feeling by this time tomorrow. I was wallowing in my coming grief when the door opened and Bobby came walking out. He stopped when he saw me. Heaving a heavy sigh. I just shrugged. He squatted in front of me. He stroked his dog a few times before looking at me.
"So, is this what it's come down to?" He asked.
"Got any liquor on you?" I countered.
"Nope." He replied.
"Then I guess." I said and sighed. "He turned down every option didn't he?"
"Yup."
"He's going to die, isn't he?"
"More than likely."
"Will you do me a favor?" I asked him seriously.
"I'll do my best." He replied.
"After it happens…" I said and swallowed the lump in my throat. "Will you kill me too?" I asked with a cracked voice.
He just looked at me before pulling me up into his arms. I sobbed against him. I couldn't take it anymore and I didn't want to feel this way. It was only going to get worse.
"I can't do that." Bobby told me.
"Please." I said looking at him. "I can't do this…any of this…without him. He is my world. How am I supposed to live without my world?"
His eyes were glossy and he just shook his head as he pulled me into another hug. When I had calmed down he pulled me to my feet. He took my hand and led me to his truck. He opened up the back to reveal stacks of books and piles of papers.
"You're gonna help me find another way to save him." Bobby told me and handed me a book.
"Do you honestly think this is going to help?" I asked him, paging through the book.
"No. I think Sam's right. We just have to give them time to work through it."
"And you didn't think that I might be able to persuade one or the other?" I asked with a raised brow.
"No. You're Dean's blind spot. If you were there he would go straight to the self-sacrificing thing. He wouldn't be able to consider anything." Bobby told me.
"I guess you're probably right." I sighed and put a little more effort into the book in my hands.
I sat with Bobby until couldn't wait anymore. I excused myself from Bobby's presence and walked back to the house. I went inside to see both brothers tending fresh wounds.
"What happened?" I frowned going to Dean. "Ah, baby." I said gently touching his split lip with my thumb.
"Ruby's in a devil's trap in the basement." Sam answered.
"She showed?" I said looking at Dean. "And?"
"We have the knife." Sam told me.
"Can you let your bother answer my questions?" I frowned at him.
"Sorry." Sam said quietly.
"Dean?" I said looking at him.
"We have the knife." He repeated. "We're going to Indiana to use it. I want you to stay here with Bobby."
"What?" I frowned, moving away from him.
"Evy, please. I can't put you in this position." He told me.
"It's my life. I'll decide what to do with it." I told him angrily.
"Baby, don't get angry. I'm just trying to be honest." He told me. "I just don't want you to watch me die."
"It's my decision." I told him. "And I won't let you die without me."
"Yes you will." He replied.
"No." I whispered shaking my head. "I'm going to be there for you. Till the end."
"And we're there, baby. This is the end." He whispered back, a tear sliding down his cheek. "And I won't let you watch me die."
There weren't words for this. I didn't know what to say other then, "No!"
"Evy…" He said trying to pull me against him.
"No!" I yelled again. "Dean, I won't let you push me away."
"I'm not pushing you away. I just want to spare you as much pain as I can." He replied.
"I am not staying behind." I told him slowly and deliberately. "I am going with you. You can't stop me."
He just looked at me before nodding, "Fine."
"I am yours and you are mine. I will not let you leave without me at your side." I told him. "You wouldn't let me so I'm not letting you." He nodded again. "Good." I said and kissed him passionately and repeatedly. I kissed him till I couldn't breathe anymore.
"Get ready." He told me and we moved to pack.
We were in the Impala, ready to go, but when Dean turned the key nothing happened but sputtering.
"What the hell?" Dean frowned.
"Where do you think you're going?" Bobby asked through his open window.
"We got the knife." Dean said as he got out of the car.
"And you intend to use it without me. Do I look like a ditch-able prom date to you?" Bobby shot at him.
Of all the reactions that were appropriate right now laughing wasn't one of them. But that's what I did. It sounded foreign and all eyes were on me for a moment.
"Sorry." I said and put a blank expression on my face.
"No, Bobby, of course not." Sam told him.
"This is about me and Sam. Okay, this isn't your fight." Dean told him.
"You're taking her." Bobby pointed out.
"She's my other half. That and I already tried to leave her behind. She didn't exactly go for it." He replied.
"I don't blame her. Family don't end with blood, boy. Besides, you need me." Bobby replied.
"Bobby-"
"You're playing wounded." He interrupted. "Tell me, how many hallucinations have you had so far?"
"Hallucinations?" I frowned looking at Dean. Sam wore a similar face.
"How'd you know?" Dean asked.
"Because that's what happens when you got Hellhounds on your butt. And because I'm smart." Bobby told him and put his missing car part into his hands. "I'll follow. Don't be stopping to pee every 10 minutes either."
"Thank you, Bobby." I smiled at him.
Dean put the part back in the car while Bobby went to his truck. I was about to go back to the passenger side when Sam stepped up to me.
"Sam?" I asked.
"Can I ask you something?" He replied.
"Of course you can." I told him, frowning now.
"I don't think you're going to like it." He stated.
"Sam, just say it." I told him.
"Um…I was wondering if you would ride with Bobby." He said quietly. I just frowned at him. "You see, for so long it was just me and Dean. I love you and I'm happy you're here. But if this doesn't go our way I…" He said and stopped. "I'd just like to spend a little time with my brother."
All of me wanted to protest. To tell him that I wanted to spend some time with his brother. But all of me couldn't do it. Sam had every right to want to spend some time alone with his brother. We were in the same boat. As much as I wanted to deny it, it was true. I put my hand on his face, nodding as I gave him a small smile.
"Thank you." He said softly.
"Anything for you, Sammy." I told him and kissed his cheek.
Taking a deep breath I went to Dean as he put the hood down. He smiled at me, pulling me against him. I couldn't help but smile back, trailing my fingers down his face and stared into his eyes. He smiled wider, kissing me deeply. I kissed him back with such force I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to pull myself away. He took my head in his hands, putting his forehead against mine.
"I love you." He whispered gently.
"I love you too." I whispered back. "So very much."
"You're the best thing that has ever happened to me."
Tears slid down my cheeks. "Likewise." I smiled.
"Don't be afraid, when it all goes down." He told me.
"I won't." I smiled at him. "I'll be completely terrified."
He gave a short laugh and shook his head. "You're so funny."
"Oh, I know." I smiled and kissed him again. "Listen, I'm going to ride with Bobby."
"What? Why?" He frowned at me.
"Because he could use the company." I told him.
"I need your company." He said frowning harder.
"I know. I need yours too. But it's Sam." I told him as quietly as I could. "He wants to spend time with his brother. How can I say 'no' to that?"
He sighed and looked at his brother. His face softened and he once again took mine in his hands. I smiled as he gave me a series of kisses. I ran my fingers through his hair before gripping his shirt in my hands.
"I love you, Dean Winchester." I smiled and kissed him once more.
"I love you, Evy Connors." He smiled hack.
"Know what would be even better?" I asked him.
"What?"
"If my last name was Winchester." I told him. He got a sad expression on his face. "After all this is over we're gonna take care of that, okay?"
He smiled at me. "It'll be the first thing we do."
I nodded and kissed him deeply. "Don't think my hopes are up that high. But I'll bring you back. You can count on me."
"Like you could count on me?" He asked softly.
I sighed and kissed him sweetly. "I can count on you for anything. It's not my fault you procrastinated." I smiled.
He gave a short laugh and shook his head. "I'll be okay. No matter what happens."
"I know." I told him. "And I'll be with you as soon as I can."
"Just don't…" He said but couldn't say anything else.
"I won't." I smiled, kissing him again.
"I'll miss that the most." He smiled, bringing his lips closer to mine. "I'll miss it so much."
"Stop teasing and just kiss me." I whispered.
He grinned and kissed me passionately.
"Any time would be great." Bobby called over to us.
"Okay." I called back.
I looked at Dean for a moment longer before stepping away from him. I ran my hand down his chest before finally turning away from him. Forcing myself to not look behind me, I got into Bobby's truck.
"What are you doing?" He frowned.
"Just drive." I told him as I pulled my seatbelt on.
"Okay." He said and started the engine.