A/NThank you so much for all the reviews I really appreciate them all.
Chapter Nineteen. I will be.
I can see it in your eyes and feel it in your touch
I know that you're scared but you've never been this loved
It's a long shot, baby, I know it's true,
But if anyone can make it, I'm betting on me and you
Just keep on moving in to me
I know you're gonna see
The best is yet to come
Don't fear it now; we're going all the way
Where that sun is shining on a brand new day
It's a long way down, and it's a leap of faith
But I'm never giving up, 'cause I know we got a once in a lifetime love
(Once in a lifetime - Keith Urban)
Bella's POV.
I awoke to feel arms around me, but unlike normal these arms held me tighter, felt warmer, stronger and were mixed with the heavenly scent that could only mean one thing. As my memory kicked in I also felt more comfortable, I had a pillow under my bump and a leg between mine, it was wonderful with one exception, my bladder was demanding to be emptied, I tried to pull away but Edwards arms tightened.
"Edward, I have to get up." I said.
"No you don't." He argued.
"Edward please." I almost begged. He released me but rolled me onto my back so that he could see my face, he looked hurt, I lifted my hand to stroke his face, "Edward... your daughter is squashing my bladder and I really need to get to the bathroom." I explained.
"Oh!" He said and sighed in relief.
"Could you help me up please? I am like an upside down turtle in this position." I said. He jumped up quickly and helped me up and out of the bed.
"Hurry back to me" He said smiling.
"I'll be right back." I said.
I washed my face and brushed my teeth after relieving my poor bladder and I went back to see Edward waiting anxiously for me on the edge of the bed. "What's wrong?" I asked when I saw his face, but the moment he saw me his expression changed to relieved. "Edward?"
"I'm sorry, but I get anxious when I can't see you." He said and it broke my heart.
I wrapped my arms around him. "I'm so sorry, for everything." I cried into his chest.
"I just don't think I'll survive if you leave me again," he said squeezing me back. "And I don't know what to say to you to make you understand that you never have to run from me again. That no matter what happens you can depend on me and that I love you more than everything and anything... I want you as my wife Bella, my partner in life, forever by my side." He said with so much conviction that I couldn't doubt that he meant every word.
I pulled away from him and climbed onto his lap so that I was straddling him and I took his face in my hands. "I don't promise that I won't get scared, I won't promise that things will be great and I won't at some point feel like I need to run... but I can promise that I trust you and I love you. So if you still want me after what I've done to you? I will be honoured to be your wife and I promise to stand by your side no matter what and I promise that I will love you always. But I also need you to know, that I can't leave you, I can't go through that pain again, I can't survive without you." I told him honestly, the complete and utter love in his eyes, melted my heart, he moved his arms from around me and undid his neck chain, taking off the ring, that I recognised instantly as my engagement ring, he lifted my hand and slid the ring back in place.
Edward lifted me up and lay me back onto the bed, he pulled up his t-shirt from over my belly and started to stroke over my bump, "Hi baby, you don't know me yet, but I'm your Daddy and I am going to take care of you and your Mommy, okay?" He said kissing my bump before grinning up at me, I couldn't stop he tears at his words. "I don't know about you but I really can't wait to see her." He said, smiling and wiping away my tears.
"That part I'm not looking forward to." I admitted.
"Why?" He asked shocked.
"Just the getting her out part I mean." I rephrased.
"Oh... oh, yeah I hadn't thought about that, I'll make sure Dad is there and that he gives you all the drugs you need." He said. "Just please make sure its my hand you squeeze and nothing I might need again." He said with a huge grin.
"You think you might need your balls again?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in question.
"Of course I want lots more kids... er... not for a few years obviously." He added seeing my face, I laughed at his face and he scowled but kissed me on the lips, the kiss soon deepened as he leaned back on the bed pulling me down with him and rolling us onto our sides. Things were just getting pretty hot when Edwards cell buzzed on the table next to the bed.
Edward groaned but rolled away from me and picked up his cell, "That was Dad, he's sending us some breakfast up and he'll be joining us. So I guess we had better get up and dressed."
Ten minutes later I was sitting at the table with breakfast and Edward was at the door letting Dad in, I got up to greet him and he threw his arms around me. He told us that we'd be driving back to the airport just after breakfast and flying directly to Seattle. Then his cell started to ring, he laughed at whatever was said, "yes of course." he said then handed me his cell, "someone is a bit desperate to talk to you." He said as I took the cell.
"Bella, Sweetheart? Please tell me that you are okay and that your coming home?" Mom pleaded.
"Yes Mom, we're fine and we're coming home." I assured her.
"Oh thank goodness, is there anything that you need?" She asked.
"I'll need to go shopping for some clothes when I get there, but apart from that everything
else can wait." I said.
"Yes.. yes we'll stay in Seattle and go shopping tomorrow." She said.
"Mom that's not necessary..." I tried to say.
"Please let me do this Bella?"
"Okay, but don't expect me to be able to shop all day, that's all." I said.
"Of course not, I can't wait to get you home, we'll see you in a few hours, Sweetheart."
"Okay, love you Mom." I said.
I heard her sob. "Oh sweetheart I love you too."
Edward reached for my hand and squeezed it.
~F~
Six hours later we were making our way through Seatac airport, when Edwards hold on me suddenly tightened and I looked up at him but his eyes were focused on something ahead of us. I looked to see what he had seen, I was shocked to see my whole family standing waiting for us. I was scared, I clutched tightly onto Edward, he kissed the top of my head.
"They all love you and miss you, you have nothing to be afraid of." He assured me, though his hold on me didn't slacken.
Surprisingly it was Emmett that got to us first, he pulled me straight out of Edwards grip and wrapped me up in a bear hug. "Missed you so much Baby Sis, its so good to see you." He said.
"Its good to see you too Big Bro, but you are squashing your niece." I warned.
He gasped and released me then put his hand tentatively on my bump, "That is so crazy, to think my baby Bro's kid is in there, but I can't wait to meet her." He said before Alice pulled me away and hugged me briefly before she held me at arms length and glared at me.
"Don't ever, ever do that again Sister... ever, you hear me?" She said still glaring and looking scarier than Rose or Emmett ever could.
Esme smacked her on the shoulder. "Mom!" I sobbed and threw my arms around her, "so sorry for everything." I said as we held onto each other.
"Shush, you're back with us now Sweetheart, that's what's important." She said before I felt Edwards arms pull me back to him.
I saw Emmett pull Rose into his arms and I had to look away, I turned my gaze to the stroller next to Esme. Carlisle smiled at me as I knelt down to look at a sleeping Izzi, she was a real mixture of Alice and Edward and totally gorgeous, though still tiny for her age. Edward helped me back up and I leaned into his chest, I looked up to see that Rosalie was crying and it made my heart hurt to see my sister crying, without thinking I put my hand over my bump protectively.
"No one is going to hurt her, I promise I would never allow that to happen, even if they wanted to which they don't, they are sorry and they love you." Edward whispered in my ear, I nodded, I trusted him.
I kept a tight hold on Edwards hand as I stepped up to Rose and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm so sorry... so sorry." She sobbed and that was enough for me, she collapsed into me crying as she hugged me, Emmett trying to hold her up. "I thought I'd lost you forever," she sobbed.
"Me too." I muttered, making her sob even more, I had not released Edwards hand and he squeezed mine reassuringly. Rose hugged me fiercely until I pulled away and placed my hand on her cheek I gave her a weak smile, which she returned.
I stepped away and turned back to Edward but he was looking over my shoulder, I turned to see Alice rubbing Jaspers arm as he tried to control his emotions. It had hurt more with Jasper, we had always been so close, he was always the one I went to, even when Mom and Dad were still alive. Edward could sense my hesitation and holding me close he moved us closer to Jasper, I stood in front of him and looked up at him, his lip was trembling as he mouthed. "I'm sorry Bells." Just seeing him so close to tears was enough for me to throw my arms around him, his arms enveloped me and he lifted me off the floor.
Once Jasper finally released me I instantly walked back to Edward who wiped away my tears, he kissed my forehead and wrapped his arm around my shoulders and we all made our way out of the airport. It wasn't even four in the afternoon by the time we found the cars.
"Can we go to the mall now?" Alice asked her hands together like she was praying.
"Alice." Edward warned.
"Oh.. please... just for a little while, Bella needs clothes and I really need to buy something pink for my niece." She complained.
"I guess we can for a little while, if no one minds? I really do need some clothes." I admitted. Edward raised his eyebrows at me and I just shrugged, after putting up with Angela the shopaholic for the last six months it was nothing if not training for getting back to Alice. So we all agreed, Edward and I went with Mom, Dad and Izzi in the Mercedes.
Once at the closest mall, we made our way to the first mother and baby store, I found several outfits that would get me through my last few weeks. I also found a baby grow that had 'Daddies little angel' written on the front, Edward insisted on putting that in the basket, I also found a sleeping pillow for my bump, I already missed the one I had.
I had a hard time from stopping both Esme and Alice from buying up everything pink in the store. "She won't be wearing pink dresses." I insisted.
"They don't make baby clothes in black Bella." Alice argued.
"You're right, go ahead and buy the pink, only natural cotton though." I insisted.
"Why only natural cotton?" Esme asked as Edward came up behind me with a tiny denim jacket with a matching denim dress for 0 to 3 months, I grinned hugely.
"Its better for the babies skin... plus it will be easier to die it black." I said with a Cheshire cat grin.
"You two can't be serious?" Alice said holding up the denim, "Not even born and you are trying to turn her into a tomboy."
"What else would you expect from a child that's half me and half Bella?" Edward asked her.
"Humph... poor child is cursed, she's doomed to be a sarcastic, genius smart ass, emo goth, from birth." Alice said and she stuck her tongue out at us as she put her pile of pink outfits in the basket. We also got some next size outfits for Izzi, she'd be lucky if Alice allowed her to wear them more than once and then they'd be handed down to bump, I really need to talk about naming bump with Edward.
It wasn't much later when Edward and I took a cab to the hotel that Esme had booked us into for the night. Edward and I had a room to ourselves, so after a change into some loose fitting clothes we climbed into bed together to cuddle and watch a movie. Dinner with the rest of the family wasn't until nine, it wasn't long before I fell to sleep in Edwards arms. The last few days had been more than a little tough and after being stuck under half the house, I had told myself to make the most of my time with Edward and my baby. Life could end at anytime and I was ready to make the most of every second with the man I loved. Whether that would last fifty minutes or fifty years.
When I woke up I could feel Edward behind me, his arms wrapped around me, he was kissing along my shoulder and rolling his hips into my ass.
"I'd almost forgotten just how insatiable my body is around you." He whispered into my neck.
"Missed me that much huh?"
"You have no idea." He said continuing to kiss up my neck to my ear, he sucked on my earlobe.
"Tell me."
"My dick hasn't been hard since I was last with you six months ago." He said sadly.
"What? That's impossible." I argued.
"Impossible but true, my dick only has an eye for you, no one else can turn him on and right now, you have him very turned on." He whispered, in a deep sexy voice and he rolled his hips into me again to emphasize his point.
He slid his hand between my legs, making me whimper at the contact, "sounds like I'm not the only one, though I'm guessing I wont last more than thirty seconds." He muttered.
"Perhaps I should get a taste of it first." I offered.
"No!" He answered quickly, he sounded horrified.
"Why? What's wrong?" I asked confused and hurt by his reaction.
"I won't be able to stop myself and you are not swallowing my swimmers."
"Why not? It never bothered you before."
"Bella, anything you swallow goes into our daughter and the mere thought of that is just wrong." He said with a shudder, making me giggle. "Its not funny," he said groaning into my neck, and he continued to kiss and nibble his way up and down it.
"Yes it is." I said.
"Can we please change the subject, I just want to be inside of you, though I don't have any condoms." He said.
"Well as neither of us has been with anyone but each other and its not like I'm going to get pregnant, so I don't think it matters does it?" I said.
"Well no, but bare back I will blow my load before I get half way in, but will it hurt?"
"I have no idea, but like you said it will probably be over quickly plus there is only one way I can think of to find out." I said with a smirk, as his teeth grazed over my collarbone and his fingers teased my clit, my eyes rolled into the back of my head at the intense pleasure I felt at his touch, I was instantly wet for him.
I was already close, oh god I had missed this, being with Edward this way. It had been a long time since I'd felt this way, then Edward positioned himself. "Are you sure?" He questioned, searching my eyes for any sign of doubt when I turned to look at him, he found none.
He kissed my lips gently and I whispered, "yes, I'm sure." Against his lips.
I immediately felt him as he slowly and carefully eased himself inside of me, his arms wrapped tightly around me, holding on to me, we both moaned in pleasure. "Are you okay?" He whispered, as he tried desperately not to move.
"I'm good... better than good." I assured him, tightening my muscles around him, he moaned at the sensation and started to move again never actually pushing all the way in and it was easy to tell that he was struggling, trying desperately not to come too quickly. "Just let go Edward." I said, and he relaxed and moved a little faster.
Only seconds later his hold on me tightened and I felt his lips on my neck "Come with me, Bella." He murmured, as his fingers teased my clit. The combination of seeing him this way, the love in his eyes and in his voice was all it took to send me spiralling over the edge. My breath caught and I struggled to breathe as my entire body shook in ecstasy and he bit down on my neck.
Still holding me tightly we both just lay still for a long time before either of us spoke.
"I suppose we had better start getting ready to go to dinner soon." Edward said, breaking our blissed out silence.
"Hmm." Was all I could reply, I'd have been happy to just stay there in his arms all night. "What do you think... I mean is there anything in particular that you'd like our babies name to be?" I asked.
"Oh... well I always liked the name Odette, so how about something like Katherine Odette Cullen?" He suggested.
"That would make her initials KOC." I pointed out.
"And?"
"KOC as in cock." I explained.
"Oh... Felicity Odette Cullen?"
"FOC, foc, really?" I asked.
"Hmm Odette Felicity Cullen." He suggested.
"OFC, as in Oakland football club?"
"Damn this is harder than I thought, what names do you like? What about naming her after our Mom's, Esme or Renee or Renesmee?" He asked.
"No offence but hell no... and good luck with teaching her to spell that, no other kid will be able to even say it when she starts kindergarten and I'm hoping she'll be born on a Wednesday." I said.
"You are not naming our daughter after your favourite character from your favourite TV show, that includes any other character, from any TV show of yours, Adams family or the Munsters, so no Wednesday, Morticha or Lily and don't pout." He said knowing that I was without being able to see my face.
"Spoil sport, okay, Alex Carlie Cullen? That's Carlie as in Carlisle and Charlie." I said.
"I like that.. but Alex?"
"As in Alexandria." I suggested.
"Alexandria Carlie Cullen... ACC? Isn't that short for accident, how about Alexandria Renesmee Carlie Cullen?" He asked.
"That's one hell of a mouthful, but I like it." I admitted.
He pulled me backwards so that I was lying on my back, then pulled up my t-shirt and kissed our bump, then lay his cheek against it. "What do you think Alexandria?" He asked bump. "Damn, she just kicked twice for yes, looks like our baby girl likes her name." He said grinning.
~F~
Once I was ready I made my way out of the bathroom and into the bedroom and I gasped seeing the gorgeous man in front of me. He was wearing a white button down shirt with black pants and a black tie and he looked incredible, he looked up at me and gasped.
"Wow, you look so beautiful." He said coming up to me and pulling me to him, "I'm a lucky fucker, where did this dress come from?" He asked.
"It was all I had in the bag, along with my favourite pumps." I said explaining the little black dress I was wearing and the black pumps, all I'd done was finish it off with a little mascara and eye liner and my hair was just straightened.
He kissed me and then we made our way down to the dining room, meeting Alice and Jasper on the way. "What are you wearing?" Alice ask suspiciously, I had a feeling Alice would know what my dress and pumps were, but I wasn't sure I'd know how to explain how I could afford them.
"A dress." I replied, with a shrug."
"That is not just a dress Bella, are you..?" She said trailing off as she looked at the label of my dress. "Bella what are you doing wearing Prada? When did you get that? And are those..? They are... What are you doing in Louis Vuitton's?" She demanded.
Oh joy how am I going to explain this? I looked to see that she, Jasper and Edward were waiting for an explanation, "it was all I managed to save in the earthquake?" I suggested.
"You stole them?" All three of them asked in surprise.
"No!" I said exasperated, then I sighed. "Okay, I had a very well paid job and needed nice clothes to wear and as these were my favourites I kept them in my bag in case I ever needed to leave in a hurry. I grabbed my bag first when the earthquake struck." I tried to explain.
"Holy hells Bell's those must have been some wages." Jasper said.
"Not exactly, those were my tips, not really wages." I said walking away, pulling Edward with me and walking into the restaurant.
"I assume you are going to explain?" Edward said.
"I am, just not right now."
~F~
The following afternoon, after several long hours of shopping I had to say goodbye to Jazz, Rose and Emmett. They had to head back to college, but promised to come home at the weekend. Esme had driven to Seattle in Edward's Volvo, so despite Alice's objections, Edward and I headed home alone. The others took the Mercedes, I slept for the first hour of the journey and when I woke up Edward pulled into a restaurant on the side of the road.
"Why are we stopping here?" I asked.
"I figured as you have just woken up that you probably need the restroom." He said simply.
I smiled ridiculously, "I love you." I said.
He laughed, "I know, come on," he said and proceeded to get out of the car and help me out.
Once back in the car we set off back on our journey home. "So are you going to tell me now?" He asked.
"Tell you what?" I asked as we hadn't been talking about anything.
"What you were doing whilst you were in LA."
I sighed deeply and set about telling him about everything that I could remember.
"You were singing?" He asked incredulous. "I don't ever remember hearing you sing."
"Not many people have." I admitted.
"Well they must have thought you were good, to be making tips like that?" He said.
"I personally think they must be tone deaf and have more money than sense."
"Bella everything about you is beautiful, I'm guessing that your singing voice is too." He said lifting our joined hands and kissing my knuckles.
"I think you are just biased."
"Then prove me wrong." He suggested.
"What? Now?"
"No time like the present." He suggested, I shook my head. "When we get home then?"
He said, staring at me with those gorgeous green emeralds that made it hard to think straight and before I knew what I was doing I had agreed to sing to him.
As we pulled up in front of the house Edward came to my door and helped me out of the car. Then he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. He leaned his forehead to mine, "I never thought I'd ever get you back, but to finally get you home is a wish come true for me." He said, I reached up and kissed him on the lips.
"I'm sorry I ever left you, but I did and now you are my hero, my saviour and I love you more than ever." I said, before he dragged me into the house and straight up to our bedroom.
~F~
After finding the sheet music online I grudgingly handed it to Edward and he dragged me off to his piano, I sat beside him as he played. To make me feel more at ease, he sang a song to me first, I recognised it as 'Once in a lifetime.' It was a great song and with Edwards voice, he soon had me in tears, he kissed my nose. "Your turn." He said smiling.
I'd chosen this song for him and I wanted him to know that this was how I felt, so I put my all into singing it to him, I leaned against him as he played.
There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go
I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go
I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay
I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me
(Leona Lewis)
When the song finished Edward wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head. "Thank you, that was beautiful." He said, we heard someone move and we both turned to see Alice, Mom and Dad in the doorway.
Mom had tears in her eyes, "That was unbelievable, Bella, so beautiful." She praised.
I leaned against Edward again and I felt truly happy and content for the first time in a very long time, back home safe and loved where I now truly believe I belong.