A/N Thank you so much for all the reviews I really appreciate them all
Chapter Twenty one, Needle wielding and groping.
You are the flame in my heart
You light my way in the dark
You are the ultimate star
You pick me up from above
Your unconditional love
Takes me to paradise
I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too
You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet
You make me feel so divine
Your soul and mind are entwined
Before you I was blind
But since I've opened my eyes
And with you there's no disguise
So I could open up my mind
I always loved you from the start
But I could not figure out
That I had to do it everyday
So I put away the fight
Now I'm gonna live my life
Givin' you the most in every way
(Lenny Kravitz)
Bella's POV.
I awoke to the warmth of Edward wrapped around me, in our bed, we had both escaped the party early just to hold each other. I looked at the clock and it struck me that I'd slept through the night, which meant that Alex had not moved. Almost every night for weeks I was woken up when she started moving around, but she had been still for about the last twenty four hours. I moved my bump pillow and rolled off the bed, I left Edward still sleeping and went to the bathroom. I had been using panty liners to sleep in for the last week. Mom had recommended it in case my waters broke in the night, but I realized that I'd either wet myself or my waters had indeed broken. I went into the shower and had a quick wash, trying to think if it was wise to say anything to Edward, he'd only worry if I said 'I think my waters have broken.' So after I showered and dressed I was about to go back to the bedroom when I felt a bad cramp in my bump.
"Fuck!" I said much too loud, I waited but didn't hear any movement from Edward, I looked around the door, he was still sleeping. I pulled my cell from my pants pocket and text Mom, she would know what to do.
I think my waters have broken. B.
I sent that and went back into the bedroom and sat on the bed.
"You showered without me?" Edwards sleepy voice asked.
"Sorry babe, you looked so peaceful I didn't wont to wake you." I said.
"Come back to bed and I will try and find a way to forgive you." He said gently pulling me until I was lying on my back so that he could kiss me.
"Bella?" Mom said from the door.
"Come in." I said pushing Edward away slightly, he just kissed down my neck as Mom and Dad walked in, I waved my hand and Mom helped me sit up, Edward moved and sat on the edge of the bed.
"So?" Dad asked.
"I think so." I said.
"What's going on?" Edward asked confused.
I bit down on my lip and stared at Mom, beseeching, I had no idea what to say that wouldn't send him into a panic. I twisted around slightly to look at him. "My waters have broken." I said and watched as his mouth fell open and he fell with a thump off the bed and onto the floor. Seconds later he was on his feet, he jumped the bed and knelt before me taking my hands in his.
"She's coming?" He whispered, I nodded and his face lit up. He looked at me with so much love and happiness it made my heart hurt, but then his face fell, "Does it hurt? Um... do you need me to rub your back? Should we phone the hospital..?" He started rambling on until Dad placed his hand on his shoulder.
"Edward, its a bit early for that, this is a first baby it will probably be hours before we need to worry about any of that.
"I'll go and make breakfast, its no doubt going to be a very long day, I'll wake the others." Mom said before stroking my face. "You're going to do just great." She said smiling before leaving the room.
"Go get your shower now Edward, I'll stay with Bella." Dad said.
"I'm not leaving her." Edward replied.
"It could be a long labour and you'll be standing around waiting, but you might not get another chance." Dad said giving him a little nudge.
"Will you be okay?" Edward asked me, he still hadn't let go of my hands, I smiled and pulled my hands free and stroked his face.
"I will wait right here, just hurry up, okay?" I said, he kissed my lips chastely before running off to the bathroom.
Once I heard the water go on and Edward couldn't hear I turned to Dad. "I think I might have had a contraction, but I'm not sure." I said.
"Where was the pain and what was it like?" He asked.
"Well, it was like a really bad period pain cramp." I said.
"Probably was then, has it only happened the once?"
"Yes just before I sent the text to Mom." I said.
"That was about ten minutes ago, so when you get the next one, we should get a good indication of how long we have, are you coping with everything so far?"
"Its not so bad so far, I'm just a little nervous." I admitted.
He chuckled. "That won't change no matter how many you have Bella, its completely natural to feel nervous, but we'll be with you the whole way." He assured me.
It was barely five minutes before Edward came out of the bathroom wearing just a towel around his hips and rubbing his hair with another, looking far too delicious and all I wanted was to feel the security of his arms.
He came straight to me, wrapping his arms around me, "I love you so much Bella." He said holding me tight, giving me the security and reassurance I needed.
Soon we were all in the kitchen, but as everyone was eating I really couldn't face it and when they all started to insist I eat, I burst into tears. Edward pulled me into his lap and shushed me.
"I'm sorry Baby, I shouldn't push you, its okay if you don't want to eat." He said rubbing my back
Dad started talking about the process of what will happen when we get to the hospital when I got another cramp or contraction, I grabbed Edwards hand and squeezed.
"That's only twenty five minutes Bella, this is going to be over sooner than we thought." Dad said, his smile encouraging when all I could feel was shit scared, I wrapped my arms around Edward once the pain had subsided. "Maybe we should hurry breakfast along a bit, it seems that Alexandria is eager to join us." Dad said and everyone except Emmett started to eat fast, Emmett was just eating at normal speed which was still faster than anyone else's top speed.
Whilst everyone was still eating I went for a stroll around the garden and I had to stop and hold onto the fence when I had another contraction. I had always had bad cramps during my PMS but at least I could take something for that pain, but then once the contraction was over the pain was gone, but not the stress. They were coming much more often now, though once Edward came out to join me I felt so much calmer in his arms.
Once everyone had eaten Dad went to pull the car around front, he took my bag out with him, its a good thing I packed it, it had only been done two days ago. Edward insisted on carrying me over to the car, Alice, Rose, Jazz and Emm followed in Emm's Jeep. I sat in Edwards lap, as Carlisle drove, I had a hand reached out to hold hands with Mom in the front. I was so scared, after what had happened to Mom and Izzie, Edward could feel my anxiety and continually kissed my forehead and whispered that everything was going to be great and soon he'd be able to hold both of his beautiful girls, I had another contraction on the way.
"That one was only fifteen minutes." Edward said worriedly.
"She desperate to meet her Daddy." I assured him, his answering smile was filled with joy.
On arriving Carlisle cut through all the booking in, handling it himself as Edward put me into a wheelchair and wheeled me to the room we were told to go to. The first thing I was asked to do was go to the toilet and empty the contents of my bladder and bowels. But once I got there I couldn't do either, I went back to the room and Edward helped me put on a hospital gown and get onto the cot.
"Okay, at the next contraction we'll take a look and see how far along we are." The doctor said and mere minutes later the cramping started again. "Excellent, you are fully dilated and I can see the babies head so this one should be out in the next half an hour," she said to us.
I had another contraction not much later and I squeezed the hell out of Edwards hand, but he didn't complain, "I want my Mom." I said as tears ran down my face,
"I know Baby, but I'm sure she's here in spirit." Edward said as the doctor told me to start pushing.
"Urgggh!" I complained at the pain as I tried to push out my insides. "I want Esme." I corrected.
"I'll go get her." Edward said but I wouldn't let go of his hand, digging my nails in, I saw him flinch at the pain, not that I cared he was to blame for my pain.
Moments later a nurse I hadn't even seen leave returned with Esme, she kissed my forehead and clasped my other hand. "I'm right here Sweetheart," she said
"Aaarrrggghh." I yelled and more pain ripped through me.
"Can't you give her something for the pain?" Edward growled at the doctor.
"I'm sorry Mr Cullen but the fastest pain relief would take twenty minutes to work and this baby will be out in less than fifteen." She told him, great I would never have opted for natural childbirth with no pain relief and yet, here I was doing just that and god damn it fucking hurt like shit. I suddenly had a new found respect for Mom, she'd done this three times, I sure as hell wasn't going through this pain again, broken bones were nothing compared to this.
"You're doing such a great job Bella." I was told by everyone.
"Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh!" I couldn't hold back the tears or the screams as I tried to push out the square baby through a round hole.
Pant? You want me to stop pushing? But I need to get this out, now!
"Okay one more big push Bella." The doctor said and my fingers dug into Edwards and Mom's hands. If I hear one more person say just one more push, I'll give them something to god damn push.
"Well done." They praised as Alex shot out of me and they whisked her away, Edward kissed my forehead.
"I'm so proud of you, you were amazing." He said, but I couldn't take my eyes off the bloody bundle the doctor was holding.
Edward let my hand go long enough to cut the umbilical cord and he was back by my side, then I had a great big needle stuck in my leg because of my blood type or something. Good thing I didn't see it coming or I'd have been off the cot and out of the room, that shit hurt, as it was I wanted to smack the bitch who stuck me with it. Exhaustion be damned, first chance I get that bitch is going down I thought to myself. Then finally, wrapped in a pink blanket was my... well, not so tiny bundle. I couldn't believe she was finally here. But where was the love? The connection? I couldn't feel anything, the lack of feeling made me want to cry, was I that bad a mother that I felt nothing for this baby in my arms? No sooner had I thought that I was aware of the needle wielding bitch taking her from me, no I haven't had any time, I need to find the connection, I felt numb, people were speaking but nothing was making any sense, I caught occasional words like, retained placenta, surgery and anaesthetist and I started to panic, what was wrong? Was it the baby?
"Bella... Bella! Calm down." Edwards voice became more focused as his face came into view just inches from mine, Alexandria is fine, she's perfect. But you haven't been able to get the after birth out, so they need to take you to surgery and do it manually, but you will be fine, everything is fine." He tried to assure me, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs.
My baby was eventually put back into my arms, all four kg, I got to hold her for an hour, waiting for the anaesthetist to arrive, then he needed to fill out paperwork and I don't know what. Then Dad had words with him and suddenly he got himself quickly sorted and I was moved onto a stretcher.
"Oh be careful of your tail." The nurse joked as she moved the after birth that was hanging out from between my legs. Humour? Really? At a time like this she uses humour? I was so going to rip her a new one when I could stand up straight again, as it was I felt the growl rumbling up my throat.
"I'll be right outside waiting for you Bella." Edward promised.
"No!" I spat.
"What's wrong?" He asked worried.
"I need you to stay with Alexandria, you can't leave her side, not even for a second." I insisted, I wasn't going to let anyone mix up my baby with someone else's, "promise me you wont leave her." I said clutching his shirt.
"I promise I wont leave her and... I love you." He said before I was wheeled out of the door.
In pre op they wanted to knock me out but I wanted to at least try breast feeding, maybe it would help with the bond thing or lack there of. So instead of a general anaesthesia I was given an epidural. Legs up in stirrups whilst some woman had her hand inside me pulling and scraping out the after birth that for normal people comes out easily. So after all this stage one and two of labour lasted a grand total of three hours, stag three was itself four hours of waiting around and having surgery after giving birth, boy does my luck suck or what? If that wasn't bad enough I had to have the biotch holding my hand. She looked like a combination of Jessica and Lauren, that figures, that explains my distaste for her, but then she opened her mouth again and if my foot had not been in a stirrup I'd have slammed it down her throat.
"Have you decided on a name for your baby?" She asked sweetly, too sweetly it was nauseating.
I tried to smile politely back but being as it was her it most likely looked more like I was baring my teeth at her.
"Alexandria." I said, through my teeth.
"That's a pretty name for a very pretty baby, she's lucky that she's just like her Daddy." She said, "are you in pain?" She asked worriedly when my grip on her hand tightened and my nails were digging into her hands. Who did this bitch think she was? She'd batted her eyelids at my man, flirted with him, yes it was all coming back to me, I was his, Edward was mine. I'd just given birth to his daughter and this bitch was saying I was lucky because my daughter looked like my fiancée and not me! Fuck this, I thought as my nails began to draw blood were I was digging into her hand.
"He's mine." I literally snarled at her. She spluttered out an apology and she never meant blah blah, blah, but she was removed from the room for distressing the patient, yeah biotch, stay away from my man, or I'll fucking kill you. I screamed in my head.
Oh wow, where had that come from? I suddenly had the strength to stand up and fight for what was mine and what's more, I liked it.
~F~
Back in my room I was wheeled in, I was still numb fortunately, I had seven stitches where I had torn giving birth to such a big baby. I had still been numb down there so didn't feel it when they had sewn me up, but I felt the pulling and just knowing what they were doing was enough to make me feel nauseous. I saw Edward in the lounge chair leaning back with his baby girl sleeping peacefully on his chest. He looked so happy, again it warmed my heart to see him like this, his face lit up with more love mixed with relief when he saw me. I felt myself relax when I saw them not realising how anxious I had been being apart from them.
Alex began to stir and in a most unceremonious way an older nurse came over to me and pulled down my gown and attached my daughter to my breast, man-handling me as she did it. I wrapped my arms around Alex to hold her up, shocked at the lack of feeling or decorum from this woman, what was with the nurses here? The second that Alex was finished the same nurse whisked her off me and into her crib. Why did they keep doing that? They wanted to take her up to the nursery, but I was half way out of the bed before anyone could stop me, I needed to have her close, I was pinned up with a drip in each hand but I didn't care, no one was going to take her from my sight again.
"Don't take her anywhere, she stays with us." Edward insisted, helping me back into my bed, then he made the nurses leave us alone for a while.
"Please Bella you need to get some sleep, you're exhausted." Edward tried to reason with me.
"If I close my eyes someone will try to take her away again." I sobbed.
"Bella, Bella, Baby, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, no one is going to take her, I promise you, now please, sleep." He said, he then started to stroke my hair until I could fight it no longer and I finally fell to sleep.
"Shush, you'll wake her up idiot." I heard Edward hiss.
"Too late." I answered, my voice gravelly, from how dry it was.
I opened my eyes to see Edward sat on my bed next to me, he helped me sit up and I saw that Mom was holding Alex, I wanted to be able to do that. They were all here, chatting and gushing over Alex, but I barely heard a word, just seeing the flashing of Alice's camera making me blink. I just watched as my baby was passed from one person to the next, I didn't know how I was supposed to feel, why couldn't I do that? Fortunately they had brought food and drink in for me, I was so hungry, I just sat and ate whilst the chatter continued. Before I knew it, everyone was leaving.
"I promise to be back in the morning, I love you both so much and you have made me the happiest guy alive." Edward said between kisses before he left.
Not much later the tit groping nurse returned and attached Alex again, I was getting sick of this already, again she was taken off me too soon and still I felt nothing. The none feeling was making me feel depressed and I slept poorly, I kept waking to see that they had not taken her away. Six hours from the last feed, nurse gropie returned and when she took Alexandria away from me and put her in her crib to change her nappy I asked if I could have the drips taken out. It was more than a little annoying that I couldn't get up and pick up my baby. How was I supposed to bond with her if they wouldn't let me pick her up and hold her.
An hour and a half later someone finally came and took out the drips, the moment I was left alone I almost ran to the crib, she looked so peaceful, but I just had to pick her up. I scooped her up into my arms and stared down at her, her eyes fluttered open and she looked back at me. That's when I felt it... it washed over me like a tidal wave, wiping every other feeling or emotion to the side to make room for this new emotion so strong that it made my eyes water. Love like I would never have believe possible, similar to how I felt for Edward yet stronger still and more intense, the same knowledge that I had for Edward, I felt for her too, that I would cease to exist without her in my life.
I climbed back into the bed holding her tight against me, I stared down in awe of this life that Edward and I had created, that I had carried inside of me for the last eight months. She was beautiful with her tiny tuft of bronze hair, I couldn't fight back the smile as I gazed down at her, I heard a gasp that pulled my attention away.
"If that isn't the most beautiful sight in the world then I don't know what is." Edward said as he walked in carrying a big bunch of flowers, a massive cuddly bunny and balloons, putting them down he rushed to us, scooped us up and sat us on his lap and wrapped his arms around us. "I never knew life could feel this good, I don't know if I have ever been so happy." He said leaning forward to kiss us both. He was right, it was all worth it, I too had never felt so happy as I did right there.